Chapter Eighteen
Jareth looked back down at the table and started picking at the label on his bottle again. "I remember at that point; it had started to rain. You ran off with your dog. I flew back to my castle to dry off and have some brandy. I was in a quandary. I very much wanted you to join our kingdom, but the window for you to be transformed to Othánas was rapidly closing."
Oh, God… I would have gone. I would have… if I'd only known…
"There were still various scenarios available that made it possible for you to come to the Underground and join us as an adult. If you did, your lifespan would adjust to be comparable to ours, you would share much of our resistance to illness and you would age at an extremely slow, almost infinitesimal rate. But you would still look human, be human, and while this wouldn't bother us in the least, it might be a source of disquiet for you. Part of the reason the Labyrinth found you in the first place was because you didn't feel that you fit in with your own kind. I didn't want to compound that feeling."
He says that with such compassion…this is tearing my heart in two…
"I didn't get much more time to puzzle over the issue before I heard the wish being made. I transported to the source, ready to begin the usual ritual of offering dreams in exchange for the child. I cannot describe the utter shock I felt when I saw that you were the wisher and your brother the wished-away. I was so stunned that I don't remember much of our interaction until after sending you on your way to begin your run. I took Toby back to the castle to ponder what my next move was."
Oh, God…Jareth, why didn't you just tell me…
"Toby proved to be just as desirable for the Goblin Kingdom as you were, as he also possessed the qualities we look for. It occurred to me then that we could have you both. When you failed, which I thought was inevitable, Toby would become one of us. Yes, you would have asked me to let him go, and I promise you that if it had been up to me, I would have, but the Labyrinth would never allow it. Instead, I would offer you the opportunity to stay with him, to stay with us."
And I would have taken it. I would have taken it in a heartbeat…
"Please believe me when I say… based on what I knew of your life Above, it was my honest opinion that you would have been happier among us. I would not have been able to contemplate this arrangement in the first place if you had come from an untroubled home. It was also never my intention to use your brother as some sort of leverage on you, it just worked out that way. I am bound by the rules of the Labyrinth and must operate as best I can within those rules."
Fifteen-year-old me wouldn't have understood that. Twenty-year-old me does…
He met her eyes briefly, "It was a moot point anyway. Against all odds, you won." Jareth sighed and looked out the window next to their booth. "I am telling you all of this so that you will understand. The children that the Labyrinth singles out have much in common. They are unhappy, desperate, neglected, sometimes even abused. We get the unwanted, the ones that don't fit in, the ones no one would miss."
That was me. While I was never abused, during most of my childhood I can safely say that no one would have missed me if I'd vanished. Now, yes. But not then.
"Toby was the exception, because the book that gave you the idea to wish him away was intended for your mother, not you."
"But…" Sarah stopped herself, remembering her promise. Jareth nodded at her to continue. "The book said that you'd 'fallen in love with the girl'. Are you saying that you'd… fallen in love with my mother?" That thought tore her up more than anything else he'd told her.
Jareth snorted in derision, "Hardly. The Labyrinth takes the basic story I created and adds details to capture the interest of whoever is receiving it. In your mother's case, she was such a vain creature that the idea of an otherworldly king falling in love with her was one she could relate to. She even expected it as her due. The Labyrinth added that line to give her a motive for making the wish. In addition, her background was vaguely like your own and mentioned in the book. She had a "wicked" stepmother, she complained inwardly about being put upon by her family, she dreamed of bigger and better things. You get the idea. The story had been tailored specifically to her, to inspire her to wish you away. It was just coincidence that some of the story elements mirrored your own situation as well."
"So, the book was never meant to be in my hands in the first place?"
He shook his head, sadly, "Most of the caregivers who are given the books are shallow, selfish, and sometimes just… evil. Not all of them. Sometimes a caregiver is given a book because their situation is dire through no fault of their own, but most receive the books because they are not worthy of the children they have charge of. It was your mother that the Labyrinth deemed unworthy, not you."
Shallow, selfish…that sounded like my mother, all right.
"Before you ask, there are a limited number of books in circulation at any one time. I do not choose the people that receive them, the Labyrinth does. That's probably a blessing in disguise. Otherwise, I'm afraid my heart would drive me to bring whole swaths of the population Underground."
Oh, I can imagine…how many times have you wanted to bring someone down but it's out of your hands? How many people have you wanted to save, but couldn't because the rules wouldn't let you?
"That is the story of how you came to be noticed by the Goblin Kingdom," he said, softly. "Please forgive me for not telling you sooner. I honestly didn't know how to."
Sarah sat there in silence, feeling more overwhelmed than at any time in her life. It all made sense now… Toby was never the target, she was. The Ughlánas loved her because they had known her since she was a child. The Othánas had thought she was going to be one of them, and treated her like she was one of them, even now.
As a lost, lonely little girl, all she'd ever wanted was a place to belong and people who would love her. Could she really be too upset with him because he had tried to give her exactly that?
No. No, she couldn't.
"I… I understand. I only wish… that I had known," she raised her hand before he could speak. "I know, the rules wouldn't let you outright tell me. I get it. I only meant… I understand." She then gave him a watery smile. "The really important question is... which did you notice first; that it was me who did the wishing or that I'd wished you into Glam Rock pants?"
Jareth looked at her incredulously, then burst into laughter. Sarah joined him.
