You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee Referee Homer returns. Abraham Lincoln cameos and the Simpsons go back to Brazil...
Plot
The title gag is Morbidly obese Homer in his Muumuu flying.
The Chalkboard gag is "I will not be Messi." Lionel Messi...
The couch gag is the Simpsons running from the bulls in Spain. But the bulls are couches with horns. They arrive in their living room land on the couch but a bull slams Homer off of the couch by charging into him and it sits on the couch.
...
Assembly at school.
The school has a banner saying "Today's assembly. The meaning of Freedom. Attendance mandatory." XD!
"That doesn't make sense..." said Oscar going into school.
"I know Oz..." Bart sighed.
"Children, you're in for a treat. Today's assembly is devoted to a special kind of history." said Skinner.
(kids booing) Kids booing, because everyone except the nerds, hates learning.
"Living history." said Skinner.
(kids booing louder) The vast majority of kids boo and jeer. Lisa and Martin glare at their disrespectful class mates.
"End this madness!" Bart yelled.
"Madness..." said Oscar about to quote 300.
"Oz no!" Bart whined.
"THIS IS SPARTAAAA!" Oscar yelled.
"We have two guests who have come from Springfield!" said Skinner.
"We come from Springfield!" Nelson yelled.
"Illinois! 1858." said Skinner.
"Illinois... pffft!" A French kid corrected him on how to pronounce the oi in Illinois. It is pronounced the French way. As in Wah. Illinwaas.
"Please welcome, here to debate the important issues of the day, Stephen Douglas and Abraham Lincoln!" said Skinner.
Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas had time travelled to the present.
Kids booed.
"Don't go to the Ford Theatre Mr Lincoln! John Wilkes Booth is gonna kill you!" Oscar yelled. Nelson punched him. "Ow!"
"Oz stop trying to change the past!" Lisa whined.
"And Oz, you kinda deserved that punch for being dorky..." said Bart.
Abe Lincoln and Stephen Douglas discussed politics. The bored kids heckled.
"Boooooooo!"
"Hit the dirt, squirt!" said Dolph tossing a screwed up ball of paper.
"Hehehehe! He rhymed!" Oscar laughed.
Bart sighed.
Lincoln discussed tariffs.
"Get a room!" Kearney yelled.
Abraham said something about sharing beds with men that made him come across as gay...
"Ha! Gaaaaaaaay!" Jimbo laughed.
"Hey! Only Señor Chang can do that!" Oscar yelled.
Anyway someone tossing a stapler at Abe, this pissed him off.
"Ow! Guess what, I also play Frankenstein! Raaaaaagh!" He rolled up his sleeves and ran into the crowd of seated children and started hitting them!
"Oh dear Buddha..." Lisa gasped horrified.
"Frankenstein the monster? Or Dr Frankenstein?" Hugo heckled.
"Who do you think he meant, Hugo..." said Bart tossing things at Lincoln.
"It's a very important thing to note... Frankenstein is Dr Victor Frankenstein... the monster is just called the monster or Frankenstein's monster..." said Hugo.
Bart groaned.
"Douglas is getting away!" Dolph yelled.
...
Serious music played over newspapers. The first was headlined Abe-omination. With Abraham Lincoln strangling Bart. XD.
The next was headlined Lunch Lady Doris calls for calm. She's holding a cleaver yelling for the kids to charge, leading them in battle etc.
The next was headlined Deposit on top hat forfeited. There was a picture of a smashed up top hat.
The last read "Superintendent on way to yell at Skinner. Chalmers arrived.
"Skinnnnnneeerrrrr!" Chalmers yelled. "I have seven other principals, and I've never yelled their names, not even once." He was cross with Skinner as usual. "You know what these kids lack?"
"Well, certainly not a caring superintendent." said Skinner. Chalmers glared at him. (chuckles): "Well, I, uh..." (clears throat)
"Respect. That's what these kids lack. Respect." said Chalmers. "So we will hold a contest to make them tell us who they respect- who their heroes are."
"A contest?" Skinner asked. "But, sir, we don't have any money to pay for prizes. We had to rent out our multipurpose room to a Japanese-American social club."
(pachinko machines ringing) old Japanese people in a room were playing on pachinko machines.
"Tanpatsu!" said a Japanese man winning some money.
"Seymour... that was the video game company Konami... They decided they'd rather make pachinko machines rather than a new Silent Hill game..." said Oscar.
Skinner gawked at him baffled.
"Don't dictate how we run our company!" Konami yelled.
"The answer is simple, Seymour: get a corporate sponsor. But don't worry, you won't have to compromise yourself." said Chalmers.
"And make a new Silent Hill game, instead of freaking pachinko games!" Oscar yelled.
Skinner shook his head.
Fourth grade classroom. There is utter mayhem as kids are running along the desks and fighting and hurling books because Mrs Krabappel is dead!
Hugo sighed while reading Frankenstein.
"The Abraham Lincoln adaption..." said Oscar.
Hugo rolled his eyes.
"Oz, the re-enactment actor stated he also plays Frankenstein..." Bart sighed.
"That wasn't really Lincoln?!" Oscar gasped.
Bart face palmed.
...
The cafeteria, Bart used the time stop pocket watch to dress Skinner up in a hoagie sandwich costume again...
"Bart stop using Bernard's watch to dress Skinner up as a sandwich..." said Oscar.
I dressed myself like this, Oscar..." said Skinner.
Bart face palmed.
"So, from now on, our cafeteria will only serve delicious Stuffwich's heroes, hoagies and torpedoes." said Skinner.
"What about po' boys?" asked Nelson. A sandwich sub for poor men and strikers picketing.
"Sorry, Nelson. Poor boys such as yourself will go hungry." said Skinner.
"Skinnneeeeeerrrr!" Oscar as the Super Super Intendant yelled.
"Yes Oz..." Skinner sighed.
"You are not letting the poor kids go hungry! That's illegal!" said Oscar angrily.
"Fine... Here's a sandwich Nelson..." Skinner gave Nelson a sandwich.
"What about submarines?" Bart asked.
"No. no submarine for you Simpson!" said Skinner.
"Fine be that way, Dick Fiddler!" Bart snapped.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Now please welcome the star of Stuffwich's ads- who lost 400 pounds eating only Stuffwich subs- Ezra!" Oh god! He referenced that pedophile Jared!
Oscar screamed bloody murder and hid under a table when Ezra arrived.
"Tell us your hero, and you could win a Stuffwich college scholarship." said Ezra.
(kids exclaim)
"Then you can be a hero like me." said Ezra. Yeah sure you Captain Ersatz of Jared Fogle...
"What makes you a hero?" Bart asked in disbelief.
"I don't eat as much as I did!" said Ezra.
"That's not heroic..." said Bart.
"No but I'll tell you all what makes Ezra a villain." said Oscar under a lunch room table. "He molests children!"
"Oz stop referencing Jared Fogle! We get it!" Bart groaned.
...
In an after school video show where the parents come to watch their kids play films about heroes in their lives.
"So the chained-up dude cuts off his own foot to save his family from Jigsaw!" said Nelson referencing Saw. Cooool!
"We could have done more saw references when Patty and Selma kidnapped Homer, but noooooooo!" Oscar ranted sarcastically at Bart annoyed.
But hushed him.
(voice breaking): "My hero is my mom's boyfriend who took me to that movie when I was three. I call him Uncle Rob because... he robbed us!" Nelson cried because his mom's boyfriend robbed them. (sobbing)
In the bleachers Homer sat bored. Lisa was looking at her essay.
(giggles) "Madame Curie, we just might have this one in the bag." Lisa said giggling.
(Ralph giggles) He was going to talk about his hero, pixie sticks... XD
(laughs) Oscar laughed.
Martin was up next.
"My hero- or should I say heroine- dazzled the early 20th century with her scientific discoveries..." said Martin.
(gasps) Lisa gasped as he had copied her. "Okay, calm down. Maybe he's talking about Margaret Mead."
"...in the field of radioactivity!" said Martin.
(gasps) Lisa gasped.
"I give you Madame Marie Sklodowska-Curie!" Martin unveiled a video of Marie Curie with glowing green eyes.
("La Marseillaise" playing)
(gasps) No! No, no, no, no! (sobbing) Lisa fled sobbing.
"Um okay..." said Homer. "If Lisa gets to storm out. I do... your kids all stink, losers!" Homer got up and left.
Marge sighed.
Without the Simpsons, Martin's movie brought the worst out in Oscar...
Oscar when he saw Marie Curie he screamed bloody murder. "Aaaaaaagh! The Curies! We must flee!"
Bart laughed hysterically.
Hugo rolled his eyes exasperated.
"I like how you got Marie's eyes to glow green Martin." said Skinner clapping.
"Uh... I didn't do anything to my movie to make her eyes glow green sir..." Martin was concerned by why Marie's eyes were glowing green.
...
In a corridor.
Lisa was sobbing and crying.
Bart was up to no good with a fire extinguisher...
(sobbing) "Martin took my topic. What do I do?" Lisa sobbed.
"Oh, just make a speech about Dad." said Bart holding a fire extinguisher.
"Everyone does that." said Lisa. "Except Oscar and Nelson."
"Everyone does that with good dads." said Bart, "But with our Dad, it's like climbing Mount Everest. You either plant your flag at the top of the world or get frozen in agony forever."
"Like that guy your Grampa tried to eat..." said Oscar referencing that time Homer climbed a mountain. And Abe who was pushed down the mountain by a treacherous climbing partner revealed his partner froze to death part the way up and Abe tried to eat him.
Either way, hell of a show." said Bart.
(music plays, kids cheering)
"People, please! Martin "has left the building." said Skinner. "He had an orthodontist appointment."
Martin was at the dentist having his teeth checked.
...
"Okay, Dad's my hero. Why is he my hero?" Lisa asked herself. To music she had memories of dad being disgusting or humiliating himself or being cruel.
There was singing. Some song called We can be heroes. Uh I don't know what song that's from.
Oscar listened to Shania Twain on his Mypod.
Lisa sighed.
Homer in a thought cloud was eating pizza in the shower. Yeeeuck!
Then he was spinning his hammock around and cans of Duff flew out.
Then he was in the attic wrapping Hugo up in heavy chains frowning at him.
Then he was sat on a couch in a TV store in his underwear.
Then in another memory he was trapped in Maggie's crib.
(grunts) "Marge, it happened again!" He groaned.
Skinner (over P.A.): "Lisa? Lisa Simpson? You have ten seconds to get to the podium."
Lisa sighed and heads into the hall.
Plot 2
In the assembly Homer was eating a bag of potato chips. "I'm allowed to eat these!" said Homer because Kirk was staring at him.
"Our final contestant is Lisa Simpson, who was last seen leaving in tears." said Skinner as Lisa arrived.
"Near tears." Lisa corrected him.
"But not in them?" Skinner asked.
"No." said Lisa.
"My hero isn't famous..."
(scoffs) "Loser." said Homer.
"...isn't rich..." said Lisa.
"Pathetic." said a parent in the crowd.
"...and isn't in any history books." said Lisa.
"He makes me sick." said a dad.
"He's my dad." said Lisa.
"What?!" Homer gasped.
"He worked two jobs to get me a pony, he started me playing the saxophone you all love..." said Lisa. (murmuring dubiously) No one likes her saxophone playing... "...and anyone can put a Band-Aid on, but my Dad knows how to take it off so it doesn't hurt."
"Well, ah. Oh. The trick is: wait several weeks." said Homer to Kirk.
"And when my Dad was a soccer referee, he had the guts to red card me, his only talking daughter, because he knew I was diving. In the history of soccer, he is the only parent to ever take sides against his own kid, and he was right." said Lisa.
"He made me a better person, because that's what heroes do. That's what heroes do." said Lisa (microphone feedback squeals)
(crowd cheering)
"I'm so glad I was forced to come." said Homer crying happily.
"People, people... we have one last entry suddenly from Hugo Simpson." said Skinner as Hugo abruptly took the stage.
Everyone gasped.
Homer grunted.
Hugo cleared his throat to talk. "Ahem. Before I talk about my hero. Dr Frankenstein. I will talk about my dad, or our dad, Lis." He glared at Lisa.
Lisa gave him a what are you friggin doing?! Look.
"My dad, is no hero. In fact he's a monster." said Hugo airing his family's secrets.
People gasped.
"He locked me up in the attic shortly after I was born, I've been confined there since. Fed nothing except fish heads. The only clothes on me being these filthy rags that were once a shirt and shorts..." said Hugo. People yelled and jeered angrily at Homer.
"You monster!"
"How could you?!"
Homer groaned embarrassed. "Oh god no! Not that video again!"
Hugo showed a video of Homer chasing Bart with a medieval flail.
"I'll mace you good!" Homer yelled.
Bart yelped.
Angry crows jeering.
Homer was flinching curled up in his seat.
Marge was mortified.
...
After the assembly. In the corridor.
"Hugo! How could you crush my last minute video and our dad like that?!" Lisa yelled.
"I was just telling everyone the truth Lis. He might be loving to you getting you your precious pony. But he's a monster to me! And the whole world must know!" Hugo ranted.
"Yeah Lisa." Oscar stood up for Hugo.
Lisa jabbered frustrated.
"B-b-but! You're not supposed to be canon! You're not really my brother or Bart's! You were supposed to be a what if character! That Halloween story really paints dad in a bad light!" Lisa ranted.
"Well tough! I wuv Hugey and I want him to be real!" Oscar hugged Hugo.
Hugo smiled and tousled Oscar's hair.
Lisa growled.
"Oz seriously..." Bart sighed.
Homer suddenly throttled Hugo.
"I'll teach you to tell home truths!"
"Homer! Let go of him you monster!" Oscar yelled with red eyes as his evil powers activated.
"Oz stop! My dad is not a monster! Hugo is not real!" Lisa yelled.
"He is in my fanon!" Oscar screamed.
"Lis. Dad is a monster. And Oz... enough of trying to make Hugo canon... please..." Bart groaned.
"No. I like Hugo." said Oscar.
Bart groaned annoyed.
Lisa seethed. Oscar turned her into a camel.
"Hoooooonk!" Lisa honked.
"Oz stop doing that!" Bart yelled.
Oscar frowned and ate a bite from a stick of butter.
"Okay that is just weird..." said Hugo.
"Yeah at least I eat butter with one of my patented moon waffles!" said Homer.
Lisa honked.
...
In assembly.
"People, people... we have a tie!" said Skinner.
(clamoring)
"Martin's wonderful piece on Marie Curie." said Skinner. Martin wearing ridiculous complex braces that looked like something out of SAW grinned and gave a thumbs up. "And Lisa admittedly sweet natured essay on her dad. That unfortunately only told one side of the story as usual..."
"The only side! Hugo is not real!" Lisa yelled.
"Hugo's real..." Oscar snapped.
Hugo grinned and tousled his brown, lice infested hair.
"Yes, which means that nobody wins." said Skinner. "The money goes back in the school general fund. But we will put both speeches online. Behind a paywall. Now, please fold up your chairs and stack them."
Everyone groaned and stacked up the chairs.
At the Simpsons house Homer mowed the lawn. He sang while doing so.
Cause I'm a grade school hero
Lisa never lies
"Yes she does!" Hugo sang.
"Shut up freak!" Homer snapped.
I'm a grade school hero
And heroes never die
"Superman's actor died..." said Oscar.
Homer sighed.
Just one guitar!
Slung way down low!
Yeah, one guitar!
"What did you do to my guitar?!" Oscar yelled. Homer did something to his guitar.
Where did my lawnmower go?
Homer realised his lawnmower which was actually Ned's headed back to Ned's garage.
"Well, look who's back." said Ned as his lawnmower arrived by itself.
...
"Hmm." Homer was wondering where Ned's lawnmower went that he selfishly claimed for himself.
"Hey, Dad." said Lisa.
"Lisa, your speech was one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me." Homer hugged her. "When did you come up with the idea? You must've worked on it for days."
"Oh, Dad, you don't want the details. No one wants to see the sausage being made." said Lisa.
"I would! There's sausage being made?! Where?!" Homer asked.
Lisa sighed.
Hugo glared at them.
"Get out of my sight! You little! Um monster!" Homer snapped.
"Uh no Dad. You're the monster. And now everyone in town knows..." said Hugo.
The door bell rang.
"Homer there's someone here to see you!" said Marge.
"Coming!" said Homer. He frowned at Lisa. "I haven't forgotten about the sausage."
Lisa sighed exasperated.
"Mr. Simpson, I am the executive Vice President of the World Football Federation." said a black guy in a suit sat in the green armchair.
"Ooh!" said Homer excited.
"What you Americans call "soccer."" said the Vice President Guy.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
Oscar smirked.
"I'm sure you are familiar with the World Cup, the quadrennial drama unmatched on the planet!" said the guy.
"Oh, yeah. That's the thing the guys at the dry cleaners get so excited about every four years." said Homer.
"I'm afraid there has been an epidemic of referees being bribed to throw games. From the premier leagues to the playgrounds, all has been tainted. We need a symbol of integrity like yourself." said the Vice President.
"Of course I am, but how do you know?" said Homer.
"Oh, your daughter's speech went viral."
(shrieks) Homer screamed.
"No, no, I mean it spread like wildfire." said the Vice President.
"Much better." said Homer.
"Mr. Simpson, please help us. The rot is everywhere. In fact, I see that I myself am about to be arrested for corruption." said the Vice President as the FBI suddenly came in and arrested him. "You will have to take it from here, Peter."
"Yes, I will take good care of your wife." said a white guy.
"Wait, what-what does that mean?" said the former Vice President as he was hauled off to jail.
"Mr. Simpson, I am the new executive vice president of the WFF. We need outsiders like you to come to the World Cup, as our guest, and ref our games properly." said Peter.
"Well, no one has ever questioned my professionalism." said Homer. "Except at my profession." (groans) He looked at a picture of himself in front of the power plant exploding. XD.
"What do you think, sweetie?" Homer asked Lisa.
"Dad, they're offering us an all-expenses-paid trip to the greatest sporting event on Earth!"
"The 2008 Super Bowl?" Homer asked.
"Dad it's 2014 now..." said Lisa.
"Oh, I wish. Eli Manning's pass to David Tyree. But about the World Cup, I need your answer now." said Peter.
"Oh, sure, why not?" said Homer.
...
On a plane.
"Congratulations on your purchase of a FootMaster-brand soccer ball." said a air stewardess giving Homer a soccer ball with pentagons on it...
"Thanks, book!" said Homer calling her a book or talking to a book...
"Haaaaaaaawwwwwww! Spotty ball!" Oscar squealed nuzzling a soccer ball with pentagons on it.
Bart groaned.
"Ableist!" Hank screamed.
"Look, you got us a free trip. Just slack off and cash your check like you always do." said Marge.
"I believe the sweet little girl in 21-D would disagree with you. What the...?!" Homer mentioned Lisa but she had swapped with Bart.
"I switched with her, Dad." said Bart.
"My TV didn't work! Now I can't watch my premium HBO!" A grey haired guy going on holiday yelled who was sat near Lisa. (groans)
"Where are we flying to?" Oscar asked.
"Brazil... again..." said Bart.
"We already went there! When Lisa racked up that huge phone bill!" said Oscar.
"Please, please! Get a life Oscar!" Homer groaned.
...
(humming) Homer hummed. He saw Marge and Bart on their Mypad or something. "Well, look at you, using approved electronic devices."
"To try to avoid any misunderstandings in Brazil like we had the last time, I'm learning the language." said Bart. "And I've remembered they speak Portuguese."
Computer: "Olá. Olá! Eu amo o Brasil. Eu amo o Brasil! O que é um país encantador."
"Will you please turn that off? It's annoying the hell out of the flight crew." said the pilot over intercom.
"I was just trying to learn the..." said Marge.
"Everyone thinks they can learn our language on the plane. Do you know how disrespectful that is?" said the pilot.
(groans) Marge groaned.
"All right, just for that attitude, turbulence." The pilot caused turbulence. (plane rattling).
Meanwhile in Brazil there was a soccer game with Pele and Messi etc.
They were playing Luxembourg. Who have no fans apparently...
Plot 3
Meanwhile in Luxembourg which was deserted. Snake Jailbird was robbing it. Apparently he's going round the world in 80 robberies...
"Yeah that's not funny dude..." said Snake.
At the football game of Brazil vs Luxembourg. A Brazil player over reacted to a high five and screamed in pain and flopped/faked an injury.
Homer as the referee blew his whistle and told him to get up.
"No flopping!" said Homer.
Everyone loved his honesty. Except the evil gangsters bribing players.
"Now let's play Human Fussball!" said Homer. He calls soccer and table soccer Fussball.
"Bestimus Muchos enjoys this Human Fussball." said Bestimus from Treehouse of Horror XIX.
Bart winced.
At a dumb Brazilian restaurant in the evening with a tree friggin growing out of it...
Marge was trying to order in Portuguese reading her app but was struggling.
"(Struggling in Portuguese.)"
"I'll try Mom..." said Bart. He spoke fluently in Portuguese and ordered skewered meat and sword meat.
The waiter thanked him in Portuguese.
"Siiiiiiiii!" said Brazil yes Guy.
"Oh god! Not this guy!" Homer groaned.
"Siiiiiiiii!" said Brazil yes Guy.
Food eventually arrived.
Homer thanked the waiter. He picked up a dangerously hot kebab and stuck it in his mouth and pulled out the stick with only vegetables on it. "Here you go honey." He gave the vegetables on the skewer that's been in his mouth to Lisa. Eeeeeeew!
"Eeeeeeeugh! Dad how did you eat the meat without touching the vegetables?" Lisa asked groaning in disgust.
"Uh... My stomach wants what it wants..." He belched.
"Well sorry Dad. But that's gross! That's been in your mouth! And besides meat has touched those vegetables! They're tainted! Tainted I say!" said Lisa.
Bart face palmed annoyed by her vegetarianism.
"I'll be getting some air sweetie." said Homer.
He went outside the restaurant and admired the view. Obviously he gets kidnapped again or something...
"Ah, Brazil. I couldn't stay afraid of you forever. The only thing that keeps me from living here is that fish that swims up your pee stream." said Homer, The Candiru!
"The Candiru!" Hugo was trying to spook Bart while reading a book on dangerous South American fauna.
"Hugo no! Now eat your dinner." said Marge lightly vexed.
Later Homer returned in time for the sword meat Bart ordered as Brazil restaurants serve sword meat. Homer was just in time for the drama.
"En Guarde!" Bart yelled as he crossed swords with Oscar as they were having a sword fight. Again...
Marge sighed and face palmed.
"I still can't believe the yellow and red cards don't stand for mustard and ketchup." said Homer. XD.
"Your disbelief will fade with time." said a dodgy gangster guy clearly trying to soften up Homer.
"I thought the red and yellow cards meant ketchup and mustard too..." said Oscar. "I'm not very sporty." There was a clang as he crossed swords with Bart in their sword fight.
Bart groaned exasperated.
"But now, I would like to know if you are as incorruptível as they say." said the obviously dodgy guy.
(heavenly music plays) Heavenly music played. "Oh, that is where I left my cell phone." That was Homer's cell phone ring tone.
"Well? You don't know the new me of the last few days at all!" said Homer to someone on his phone.
"We will get to him. We have our ways." said the dodgy evil gangster guy number 1.
"Well, what other ways besides guns and money?" said his partner.
"We have two ways. Two very good ways." said the first,
Samba music.
"Red card!" Homer sent off a player.
"Let me give that back to you." The player bribed him. But Homer would not bend his iron will. The player kept bribing him.
"Get out of here!" Homer yelled. The player got the message and went off.
(crowd cheering)
Samba music.
"And as Homer officiates, looks like we've got a little action on the bribe cam." said the announcer as the evil gangster guys were angry.
(crowd cheering)
jingling music.
In the hotel room Bart was watching Teleboobies! Xoxotochita or however you spell her name was waving her tassels. The C became an E because it got a boner... Hehehehe!
"Man, Krusty should get some of these letters." said Bart.
(groans) Homer came in and groaned. He was exhausted being a referee.
"Oh and those dodgy guys bribing you sent up donuts with golden sprinkles. A chocolate bowling ball and a fresh pork sandwich." said Bart.
"How fresh?" Homer asked.
Spiderpig/ Plopper ran past with slices of bread stuck to him and squealing.
"Oh my god! Spider Pig!" Homer gasped.
Bart sighed.
"Where's your mother?" Homer asked.
"Out learning Portuguese." said Bart.
Marge heals up a line at an ATM and the raunchy samba dancer from the last time they went to Brazil called her a stupid lady again.
...
In the hotel room.
"So what do we do with these bribes. I really want to send those goons a strong message of No Dice." said Homer.
"What's stopping you from just eating the bribes and sending a selfie of you eating them captioned "Thanks for the food suckers!"?" Bart asked. "You can still eat them but stick to your promise to Lisa as her hero."
Homer smirked. Good thinking boy. But I will not eat Spider Pig." said Homer accepting the bribes but not doing the bidding of the gangsters.
Homer left with the donuts, the chocolate bowling ball and Spider Pig.
Bart spun around in a chair in the hotel room laughing maniacally.
"That's not a maniacal laugh... this is a maniacal laugh... Mwuhahahah!" Hugo laughed evilly. "Anyway why the maniacal laugh?"
"I'm deciding whether to be the good twin or the evil one and destroy Dad's happiness in thinking he's Lisa's hero..."
"Bart you're not the good twin, I am apparently. You turned out to be the bad one. Although the whole thing is ridiculous, we're both evil... We're like the Valeska twins from Gotham." said Hugo.
Bart sighed.
"That fanon adaptation of Batman is soooo cool..." said Oscar.
Bart frowned. "Let's watch Teleboobies..."
Oscar moaned aroused. "Oh baby..."
Hank seethed.
"Let's really annoy Hank... by letting me sniff you..." said Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear. He wanted to sniff Oscar with his big wet shiny black nose.
Hank stormed off.
Bart was about to speak but scowled.
Teddy was sniffing Oscar's diaper with his big wet shiny black nose. Oscar giggled.
"Oz seriously! Enough!" Bart yelled.
"Oz How about we go and visit Raimundo, the monk of wind..." Hugo sighed.
"No I'm enjoying this..." said Oscar as Teddy sniffed his diaper with his shiny wet nose.
...
The evil bribing gangsters met Homer at a bar.
"All right, Homer. To begin your descent into hell, (Eep!) let us enjoy this pirated copy of Man of Steel. But beware: Superman was never less fun." said the gangsters.(laughs evilly)
Homer screamed.
Anyway the rest of the episode is about football. Which is boring. Apart from those soccer balls with pentagons on them that Oscar likes to squeal at.
In the hotel room.
"Haaaaaaaaaw!" Oscar squealed nuzzling a soccer ball with pentagons on it.
Bart face palmed.
Hugo shrugged. "Best to leave him to it..."
...
Meanwhile Arthur from Arthur is a fan of Dr Who. Or Dr Whosit. And therefore automatically awesome. He was watching Dr Who and the Plasma Wasps. Buster mentions alien ooze so I assume they were referencing either The Ark in Space or The Green Death.
In the hotel room.
"Anyway you should ruin Dad's happiness by telling him he's not really Lisa's hero. Marie Curie is. Because he doesn't deserve praise. He's a monster." said Hugo.
"I'm not doing it for you, Hugo. I'm doing it for myself. For no good reason. Mwuhahahaha!" Bart laughed evilly.
Hugo shrugged. "Eh. I can live with that."
Elsewhere Lisa went to see Pepe/Ronaldo. Ronaldo is a footballer. The orphan boy she gave money too is Pepe, Homer's assigned "Little Brother."
"No no no no! I am not a ripe delicate banana!" Pepe whined as monkeys chased him.
Lisa winced,
Eventually Pepe lost the monkeys. He was pleased to see Lisa for her generosity. They were cute friends but not obnoxious and annoying like Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go.
Dora was trying to get everyone to open her lunchbox. (Pandora's Box)
"There's beans in my lunch box..." said Dora.
"No I will not destroy the world Dora!" said Oscar.
Elsewhere Marge gave up learning Portuguese and took to volunteering by helping sew and stitch Quinceañera dresses. Dresses for fifteen year old birthday girls who have just turned 15. I thought that was Judaism's thing...
"No, it's Latin America's too," said Raimundo.
Raimundo witnessed his people's other odd customs such as shaving baby girls bald and force feeding them cake at parties.
...
"You can keep showing me pirated Superman. I too have pirated movies..." said Homer to the gangster guys. "But knowing that Lisa chose me as her hero, without ever considering any other hero, keeps me strong."
Bart arrived from the shadows.
"Boy?! Why so quiet?" Homer asked him,
"I'm just examining what kind of person I am and whether I should destroy your happiness forever." said Bart in cold fury.
"Eh, why not? I'm listening. And it better be devastating." Homer called his bluff.
"You weren't Lisa's hero. She just swapped you in at the last minute because someone else did her real hero." said Bart.
"Oh, my God. That's... that's shattering." Homer was horrified. "And now I'm a man in pain in the naughtiest city since San Francisco turned all nerdy."
"No San Francisco is still gay..." said Oscar.
(groans) Homer groaned.
"Where are you going?" Bart asked him.
"To drink until there's no pain left in my soul." said Homer. "But first I'm gonna eat off someone else's room service tray that was left in the hall."
"Now that's a broken man." said Bart to the gangsters.
Homer was in the hotel hall eating from a room service tray outside some guys room.
"Hmm. What the hell are you doing?" a Latin guy asked angrily.
"It's okay. I'm an American." said Homer.
"No it's not! How dare you!" The man took his tray in his room and locked it.
Homer groaned.
...
Homer then went to a local bar and got drunk on Mojitos.
"More." said Homer depressed.
"Very well señor but I have run out of sugar canes." said the bar tender.
"It's okay. I brought my own." He had a packet of Lucky Stalks, sugar canes.
Daniel Craig Bond was also depressed drinking. "My boss ordered Moneyoenny to shoot me."
I was there too drinking mojitos. "I'm not depressed. I loooooove mojitos!" I was um... drunk.
"That's a gay drink." said Homer.
"No it's not..." I replied.
Homer sighed. "I should really have a manly beer..."
...
Then Krusty went to Brazil to collect monkeys for burger meat in a monkey meat scandal.
"No Krusty! Swapper Jacks Ebola outbreak!" Oscar warned him. You can't eat monkey, it causes Ebola or some crazy shit.
Krusty sighed.
Elsewhere while not depressed and drinking. Homer was still mad at Hugo for telling everyone his family's dirty laundry.
"He had every right to tell the world what you did to him!" Oscar snapped at Homer.
Homer grunted frustrated.
Hugo nodded and sat on one of the apartment beds with Oscar.
Meanwhile Krusty imported monkey burgers ie Ebola, anyway.
Plot 4
"What? It's normal to vomit in my restaurant! BUT NOT MONKEY CORPSES!" Krusty exclaimed.
"That wasn't my fault a tainted vegan burger made me puke! And enough of the damn dirty apes/monkeys as burgers!" Oscar yelled.
