Luca$ pronounced Luca-Dollar. Luca$ is finally introduced as a character. And Bart has a subplot with Snake.
Plot
The Title Gag is the three eyed crow flying.
The titles themselves are Minecraft themed.
The chalkboard gag with Minecraft Bart reads "Mojang did not give us permission for this title gag."
The couch gag is the Simpsons sat on the couch when Moe as a Creeper arrives. A green four legged creature that explodes. "Hi, how ya doin'?" Creeper Moe asks and he blows up.
...
Homer is trapped in a twisty fireman pipe attached to an extravagant slide and jungle gym of a kids play ground. Marge arrives in her orange car mortified,
A boy wearing cleats and a football kit is stamping on Homer to get him out of the coiled fireman pole.
"H-Hey, what? Oh! Oh, cleats!" Homer whined as the kid stomped on him.
(sighs) "Homie, what happened?" Marge sighed.
"Uh... maybe some easy-listening music will make you feel better about the story. Turn on 89.9." said Homer.
(Marge grumbles)
(easy listening music playing) "Like most of my problems, it all started at Moe's..." said Homer.
At Moe's the lads came up with a silly new drinking game from a Stradivarius Kane book.
"All right, so the rules are every time the news guy says "senator," we got to take a drink." said Carl reading the drinking game book.
"Huh. It'll be nice to let someone else decide when I drink- too much pressure." said Lenny.
(new theme playing) The evening news started.
(quietly): "Uh, yeah, Channel Six tip line? I just caught two senators doin' it in the alley. And me? I'm just a reliable source." said Moe concoctiong a plot to manipulate the news so that Kent would say the word senator a lot.
"No! Not "sauce," "source." Source! S-A-U-R-C-E!" Moe ranted. Eventually they got the message.
"We have heard from a very reliable sauce (XD! Ketchup!) news involving multiple senators." said Kent doing Moe's bidding for some reason... The barflies each took a sip of their beer, "I'm going to read a list of senators, wp senators to be named later by other senators: Senator Abercrombie, Senator Billingsley, Senator Beaumont..." Eventually Homer, Lenny and Carl had finished their first glass of beer each for the night.
(snickers) Moe snickered deviously and grinned like the Grinch! Also it snowed and there was a rat with a twig stuck to his head like antlers!
"Hmm? Oh, damn, the plaster's flaking again." the plastic from the ceiling fell on him.
Cutting to a kids playground.
"Once intoxicated, we had a great idea." Homer narrated as Homer, Lenny and Carl stumbled about the playground drunk.
"Hey! Swings!" Lenny cheered and rode on a swing. (laughing): "I'm a kid again!" (laughing) He spun around making himself dizzy on top of his tipsy feeling and banged into a metal pole and knocked himself out. "Oh... gah..."
"I'll save you!" said Carl getting stuck in the tic tac toe mangle. (grunts) (grunting) "Oh, the only way out is in!"
"Hey, look at me! I'm going up a slide!" Homer went backwards up the slide.
Both (chanting): "Homer! Homer!" Lenny and Carl cheered.
"Best recess ever!" said Homer then he stumbled and fell into the twirly fireman pole and got stuck. (shouts) (clang) "Whoa." (gasps) "Help me, guys! Guys?" (grunting)
"Don't worry, Homer, I'll call the cops!" said Carl.
"I'll write my senator." said Lenny.
"Senator! Senator!" Lenny and Carl ran to a bar to drink some more.
Homer still stuck groaned. "Oh, am I gonna die on a playground, like some uncoordinated child!"
Oscar was crying having been left behind in the playground. "Waaaaaaaaaaah! Maaaarge? Unkyyyyy?"
A creepy man kidnapped him!
Oscar screamed as he was taken.
The following morning.
"But I did learn something from all this: the sprinklers in this park come on at 3:00 a.m." said Homer. Flashing back to the playground at 3:00 am, Homer was moaning lodged in the curly fireman pole of the jungle gym when suddenly all the sprinklers came on. "Oooooooh!"
In the present at about the school run. A man playing baseball tossed a baseball at Homer. "Ow!"
"Hey, thanks for throwing the ball back. Really." The man said sarcastically.
(sighs) "I'll come back with the fire truck." Marge sighed embarrassed. "I just have to get the kids to school first."
"Oh, are the kids with you?" Homer asked.
"Hi, Dad." Only Lisa's hand could be seen.
"Homer." said Bart as his arm waved.
"You call him Dad!" said Hugo as his arm waved as clearly the kids did not want to be seen...
"Homer.." said Bart.
"Dad..." Hugo retorted.
"Homer..." said Bart.
"Dad..." said Hugo.
"Hey, guys! Why are you ducked-down like that?" Homer asked.
"Don't want to be seen with you when you're hitting bottom." Bart replied hiding.
"At least we hope it's bottom." said Lisa.
"Don't worry, it's bottom, all right." said Homer. The ride collapses under Homer's weight. (grunts) He falls face first into a puddle. A squirrel splashes him by slapping the water with his tail.
(Marge groans)
Skinner's office.
"And that's why I was tardy today." Bart explained to Skinner. Amusingly only he was hauled in, not Lisa or Hugo...
"And with that tardiness, you have at last crossed the boundary where I can legally apply physical discipline." said Skinner. Eep! "Willie, cut me a switch!"
Bart gulped.
"What about the one your ma used on you?" Willie asked Skinner.
"It, uh, broke on my buttocks." said Skinner. XD!
"Serves you right for eating jam straight out of the jar." said Willie. Willie knows why he was last spanked?!
Skinner looked round to Find Bart had left in a hurry leaving his chair spinning. "Damn it! That's not even a swivel chair." No it's called a sight gag Skinner...
Bart was riding his skateboard somewhere. Suddenly he gulped when he saw Skinner's car following him. Holy crap he's gonna run him over again!
"Skate, skate as fast as you can. But I'll catch you- I'm the Principal Man!" said Skinner pursuing him. "That's the kind of education you're missing."
Bart skated up a hill.
(car backfiring) Skinner's car broke down. "Oh, no. Uphill. The one place my car can't go." He went back down and into a car repair garage or Auto. (gears grinding) (steam hissing)
"Uh, would you like a quote?" Raphael asked him.
"Uh, yes." said Skinner.
""Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." Oscar Wilde. Uh, P.S. Your car is totalled." said Raphael.
Bart climbs into his treehouse.
"Whew! Safe." said Bart.
A gun clicks. "Oh, not totally."
"Whoa!" Bart gasped as Snake was in his treehouse! Dun dun dun! "What-what are you doing in here?" Bart stammered.
"Hiding from the cops." said Snake.
"Well, I can't have cops sniffing around here. Some of them might be girls." said Bart.
"Can't I just stay a little?" Snake asked. "I only committed this robbery to help my kid." Jeremy Jailbird was with him. "See, this is Jeremy. I need to get him braces." He continued. "I always thought that if I'd had braces, I'd have smiled more."
"Hey, I bet you have a great smile." said Bart being nice.
"Huh?" Snake's teeth were grossly malformed. Eeeeeew!
"Ay, caramba!" Bart yelled.
"Bart, Bart, we're in whatchamacallit... a pursuit!" Wiggum climbed up the treehouse ladder. He couldn't see Snake for some reason.
"So why'd you come here? I run a respectable tree house." said Bart. There were play dude pin up posters across the treehouse walls...
"Just wondering if you've seen anything." said Wiggum. "Uh, word is you'll, uh... you'll snitch for candy." No that's Milhouse...
Bart saw he had a Five and Dime bar. "You can't buy me with a candy bar that has coconut."
"Then maybe this is more your... neighborhood." said Wiggum holding a Butterfinger.
"Sorry chief. I don't know where you're getting your information from. Bart Jojo Simpson doesn't snitch... not even for a candy bar..." said Bart.
Wiggum groaned.
"I think you've mistaken me for that squealing pig, Milhouse..." said Bart.
"Hey now that's derogatory towards police officers..." said Wiggum annoyed. "Okay fine I'll leave. But if I find out you're harbouring Snake..."
Wiggum left.
"Thanks dude but why?!" Snake asked.
"We outlaws have to stick together." said Bart smirking.
"Outlaw? You?" Snake laughed.
"Stolen bowling shoes, Stolen copy of Bonestorm... 3-D glasses, Krusty standee and this "cage" for my pet." Bart had trapped a raccoon in an upside down trolly.
"Oh. What do you feed him?" Snake asked.
"My A.D.D. meds." said Bart.
(trilling) The raccoon was high...
(chuckles) Snake chuckled. "Um, listen, would you like two tickets to the school musical?" He asked. "My son plays the butcher." He put a creepy emphasis on butcher... eep! "In Fiddler on the Roof."
"I'm busy that night." said Bart.
"Yeah, lucky you." said Snake leaving.
"Hold on. There is one thing you can get me." said Bart. "I still could have covered for you by giving Wiggum a false lead and still got a free candy bar. But the author wanted to insist I don't squeal but Milhouse, my friend does. Can you get me a candy bar?"
"Oh sure." said Snake. "Sucker! I'd have have stole you something better than that!"
...
At school. The cafeteria.
(indistinct chatter)
Lisa cane across a new kid, who was chubby and was trying to force whole slices of pizza in his mouth and swallow them.
(grunting) He was struggling.
"Huh?" Lisa asked
(gagging) The fat kid started choking.
(gasps) "Are you okay?" Lisa asked. The boy tried to put more pizza in his mouth... "Don't put more in there!"
(choking): "Going for the record." said the boy while choking. (choking)
"What record? Stupidest death?" Lisa yelled. "Aah!"
(grunting)
Lisa gave him the Heimlich/Abdominal thrusts.
"Blagh!" The boy spewed up his mouthful of pizza.
"Merci beaucoup!" said the boy thanking her.
"Oh, well, you're very wel..." said Lisa.
"That's French for "hello."" said Luca$. No it means thank you...
"Actually, I think it..." said Lisa.
"Lucas Bortner, competitive eater." Luca$ introduces himself.
"A fat kid with a dream? I can't compete with that." said Milhouse.
"Ach! Du liebe! I'm the fat kid!" Uter Zorker whined. The fat German kid in lederhosen.
"What does a competitive eater eat?" Lisa asked Luca$.
"All the glamour foods: pizza, boiled eggs, chicken wings and the big enchilada, which is not enchiladas but hot dogs." said Luca$. "69 hot dogs is the current record." Oscar laughed hysterically. Um he mysteriously escaped his kidnapper.
"Hehehehe! 69..." Oscar chuckled.
"As the great Kobayashi says, "Detekurutoki itaiyo."" said Luca$.
"What does that mean?" Lisa asked.
"That's gonna hurt coming out." said Luca$.
"No it doesn't mean that..." said Hugo.
"Is Kobayashi the number one, um, uh..." Lisa asked.
"The correct term is "gurgitator."" said Luca$.
"I won't be using the correct term then." Lisa grimaced disgusted.
"Virtually everyone uses his technique: Japanesing." said Luca$. "Shall I demonstrate?"
"No. I shall demonstrate! Ah so! Ah so! Me rikey vely much!" Oscar pulled at his eyelids doing a racist impression of a Japanese person.
Lisa glared at him.
"Um, why don't I just go sit alone... Oh, you're doing it." Lisa stammered but Luca$ was breaking a hotdog in half to dunk in glasses of water then stuff down his gob.
"Ready, set... Japanese!" He dunked the hotdog halves and tried to swallow them whole without chewing. (choking) (grunting, groaning) "That's not going down." (gagging)
Lisa was horrified.
"This happens from time to time." Luca$ thumped his chest and forced the hotdog down.
"Maybe this isn't the sport for you." said Lisa.
"It's not a sport. It's my life." said Luca$. Crestfallen.
Lisa's mind: "Aw, he's sweet." (chuckles) "What am I doing? He's just Ralph with a dream." said another aspect of herself. "The dream of not ralphing." Ralphing means vomiting... Ugh... "But I'm sure I could totally change and fix him."
"Can I join you for lunch?" Lisa asked Luca$.
"Um, sure. How many whole pizzas would you like?" Luca$.
"Um, can I just have a slice?" Lisa asked.
"Interesting technique." said Luca$. (chuckles)
Plot 2
Bart and Milhouse went up to his room wearing their baseball kits shortly after a baseball game, only to find a PlayStation 4.
"Whoa." said Bart.
"You didn't tell me you had a PlayStation 4!" Milhouse gasped.
"It's the first I've seen it." said Bart.
"Something's fishy, Bart." said Milhouse. That's just asking for it...
Bart sniffed and smelt rotten fish. "Eeeeeeugh! Hugo are you eating fish heads in my room?!"
Hugo growled and scuttled away with his bucket of fish heads.
"no I meant suspicious!" said Milhouse. "Where's the gift receipt? Where's the packet of desiccant that says "Do not eat"? And, believe me, you shouldn't."
"Neither should you lick Nintendo Switch game cartridges..." said Oscar.
"Okay I just wanted to see what the Mario tastes like!" Milhouse yelled.
Oscar winced.
"I have a feeling this PlayStation was liberated from its previous owner and given to me in gratitude." said Bart.
"Liberated? You mean "stolen"?" said Milhouse horrified.
"You can't spell "crime" without "me."" said Bart.
"C-R-I... (gasps) There it is, at the end!" said Milhouse.
Milhouse was concerned. "Bart. You do not want to get into hardened crime again. Remember when you stole that copy of Bonestorm and Oscar murdered the security guard?"
"I don't regret doing that..." said Oscar.
"Oz they'll send you to the chair!" Said Milhouse.
"Only if you squeal..." Oscar glared at him.
Milhouse frowned.
"Face it Milhouse. I'm Springfield's bad boy... You still watch Pixar films with your plushies..." Bart sighed.
"I still watch TV with my plushies..." said Oscar.
Bart face palmed.
...
Inside the Simpsons house.
(doorbell rings) Marge answers the door. Luca$ was there.
"Oh, hi. Is-is Lisa home?" Luca$ asked.
"Yes, she is. And who are you?" Marge asked. Internally, ie her thoughts: "Oh how cute! She must have another boyfriend!" No! LisaXColin! LisaXColin!
Luca$ Showed his name emblazoned on the back of his jacket.
"Lucas." Marge read his name.
"It's pronounced "Luca-dollar."" said Luca$.
"No! Hell no! You're not doing a Ke$ha! You're called Lucas!" Oscar snapped.
"Who's this killjoy..." Luca$ sighed.
"That's my foster son Oscar." said Marge,
"It's Luca-Dollar..." said Luca$. "That's my competition name. I'm a competitive eater."
Homer gasped excited. "Competitive eater? Did I hear right? I could be a competitive eater?"
"No! You didn't hear anything!" Marge tried to make him forget.
"Yes, I did! I heard "competitive eater"!" said Homer.
"It's for people who haven't had heart problems." said Marge.
"I'm sure Pukas has had a few heart problems..." said Oscar.
"It's Luca Dollar!" said Luca$ annoyed.
"I am not humouring your Leet speak name..." Oscar seethed.
"Then that makes me the Jackie Robinson of the sport, and you are the racist Philadelphia manager." Homer argued with Marge.
"Quit comparing me to Ben Chapman." Marge snapped.
"I will when you open your mind to change!" Homer yelled.
"Oh...!" Marge groaned.
"Uh... Is this a bad time..." Luca$ asked.
"Uh Uh... no... Lisa's in the back yard." said Marge.
Luca$ shrugged and went inside to find the backyard.
...
The backyard.
"So, what should we practice:" Luca$ had bought food. "um, Vienna sausage; No the old fat character Üter, whom I haven't actually met yet, is eating that, blueberry pie, short form; oatmeal, long course; freestyle baked beans; catfish- ooh! Cow brains." He picked brains.
"Braaaaaaaiiiiiins! Zombie eat braaaaaaaaiiiins!" Oscar was acting like a zombie. Lisa face palmed.
"Beans, beans!" She wanted him to do something vegan.
"Braaaaaaaaaaaiiiins!" Oscar groaned like a zombie.
"We'll do beans." said Luca$.
Patty and Selma were round and watching Lisa and Luca$.
"Hmm. Never saw the pork eat the beans before." said Patty. (both laugh)
"Actually, I'm a little surprised Lisa likes him." said Marge.
"Really! Justin Blobber over there doesn't remind you of anyone?" said Selma. Luca$ was choking on food.
"$800 to cut me out of that slide?! It's all about the money with those firemen." Homer ranted on the phone.
"Women marry their fathers, Marge." said Patty.
"So you just might be meeting your future "ton-in-law."" said Selma (both laughing)
In the background Lisa was trying to revive Luca$ as he had choked him to death. He brought up the beans and revived but grabbed the beans he puked up and tried to swallow them again and choked again.
"Ton-in-law. God bless us."
(gasps) James saw Luca$ and gasped. "You can do better." He sighed.
Marge saw Maggie cuddling a pig plushie. She gasped and took the pig toy. "You can do better." She gave Maggie a teddy bear wearing a suit. Maggie sadlynwaved to the piggy plush.
(Homer snoring) Homer was asleep somewhere snoring.
Marge's thoughts: "My sisters are nuts. I'm happy being married to Homer. Most of the time." (groans)
(barking) the dog barked.
"Ooh! What the...?" Homer woke with a start in an embarrassing situation. Apparently in his sleep he threw off the duvet and barked in his sleep wondering where the blanket was then threw himself out of bed and bumped his head on the wall.
Marge sighed.
...
Music played while someone put an atlas globe and a telescope in Bart's treehouse.
Bart found them. "Ugh.,, geek leak.."
"What shall we do with them then?" Milhouse asked.
Bart used the telescope as a bat and Milhouse threw the atlas globe and it shattered when Bart hit it, they laughed.
Hugo was horrified.
At night Snake was up to no good. He went to the zoo.
Bart was horrified he now had a tiger in his trolley cage. It had eaten the raccoon.
Bert the raccoon from the Raccoons was horrified.
Bart face palmed.
Oscar laughed.
The tiger growled while flicking its tail.
"He's Grrrrrrrr-eat!" Oscar laughed.
Bart seethed.
Snake then broke into the medieval re-enactments museum with suits of armour etc.
At school The bullies fled in fear as Bart and Milhouse were dressed as a knight in shining armour.
The bullies screamed and fled.
Bart then set off a catapult and it fired a huge rock.
Somewhere a coyote chased a roadrunner. XD.
"Meep! Meep!"
The rock crushed the coyote.
The roadrunner looked at the camera. "Meep! Meep!" But it got shot and huntsman collected it.
...
Lisa was noting down Luca$'s weaknesses as a competitive eater. Touchy gag reflex. Soft molars. Slow starter. Quick quitter.
He had no strengths...
"Hmm... Maybe you're not cut out for competitive eating." said Lisa.
"Are you calling me not fat?" Luca$ was offended.
"No, I'm just... I... Maybe you just haven't found the right food, huh?" said Lisa. "How 'bout ice cream?" Lisa stop encouraging him...
"Yes! I will lay some hurt on that cream." said Luca$.
A few moments later.
"Oh, my God! Brain freeze!" Luca$ screamed as he had brain freeze. He was lying on the floor writhing. "Oh, my God. Kick me in the head till I pass out." Lisa kicked him gently. "Harder! I'm still conscious! You must kick me harder." Lisa kicked him harder but felt uncomfortable doing so.
Marge watched concerned. Wondering if her sisters were right.
She dreams of Lisa in a bad future dropping out of college to feed a fat Luca$.
"Okay, honey, I made you pork chops just like you like 'em. Twenty." said Lisa with a southern accent. She had a trey of pork chops.
"Thanks, babe. Sorry you had to drop out of college to feed me full-time." said Luca$ talking the chops. "Now give us a kiss."
Lisa looked disgusted at the thought of kissing him. But she did anyway.
However he ate her whole!
(Lisa screaming)
The dream ended.
(gasps deeply) Marge gasped horrified.
"Cooooooool! Vore!" said Oscar looking at her thinking cloud.
Cousin Hank seethed.
"Get a room Karen..." Oscar sighed.
...
Bart enters his furnished treehouse to find a Mypad.
"What the...?" He picked up the Mypad. "Oh, yawn. Another freebie. Better be a 64 gig." He saw dorky apps on it. "Huh? It's full of lame apps: Bully Avoider, Nosebook, Insta-Grandma. This was stolen from Milhouse!"
Milhouse was suddenly there! Dun dun dun! "From my backpack. Where Puppy Goo-Goo sleeps." Milhouse said annoyed.
"Milhouse that's cruel..." said Oscar.
"Yet you still stuff me in your school backpack!" Teddy, his living teddy bear creature yelled.
Bart winced.
"Maybe it's time to tell me exactly what's going on." Said Milhouse.
"Relax. Listen to the music of this bubble game." said Bart putting on a bubble game to sooth Milhouse. (gentle music plays)
"So peaceful. No! I won't let this go! It's time you told me how you've been getting all this stuff." said Milhouse.
(sighs) "I helped Snake out of a jam so he paid me back in stolen stuff." said Bart.
"A strawberry jam..." said Oscar.
"No Oz..." Bart sighed.
"It was an honorable arrangement. But I never thought he'd steal from you." Said Bart to Milhouse.
"Snake, eh? I never would've suspected the one criminal in town." He added Snake to a list. (chuckles)
"You seem stressed. You want to suck some Squishee?" Snake stole Bart a Squishee machine.
"Sure." Milhouse sucked on the Squishee tube as Bart fed him Squishee. (whooshing) "Mmm!"
"Careful. It's uncut syrup. They give it to horses before they race." said Bart.
(sucking, slurping)
Milhouse was then extremely hyper and ran around the treehouse.
...
Watching the news.
"Jailbird, A Snake. That's his real name. Albert Knickerbocker Aloysius Snake-" said Kent.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
Bart sighed exasperated.
"has been arrested for a series of thefts and may be put to death under a controversial new statute." said Kent continuing.
(gasps) Bart, Oscar and Milhouse gasped.
"Yeah, we had a law stating "Three strikes and you're out." But I thought it was "You're out." So I let people go." said Wiggum. XD! "So now it's "Four balls and you walk. Right to the electric chair." It's, uh, much clearer, Kent."
"Bart, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to ruin his life, not end it." said Milhouse.
"You ratted him out? (groans) He's got a kid." Bart whined angry at Milhouse.
"Why are you so surprised? Milhouse doesn't believe in Honour amongst thieves..." said Oscar.
"Milhouse Snake will hunt you down to the ends of the Earth! Like he hunted me down! He will not let this go! Even after death!" Bart yelled. "Plus he has a kid!"
"A kid?! I was crushed when I lost my dad and all he did was move to the Holiday lnn." said Milhouse. Apparently they divorced again,.. "I can still see him smoking on the balcony. He looked like he missed something. Maybe me."
"So you see, we can't let Jailbird fry." said Bart.
"Time for the Sleepover Detectives." said Milhouse being silly.
"I didn't say there'd be a sleepover." said Bart angry with Milhouse.
"Too bad, 'cause I'm wearing my pajamas under my clothes." He was wearing his pyjamas under his clothes. "And my swimsuit under those. One day it'll all pay off."
Bart Rolled his eyes.
...
Meanwhile Marge in bed explained to Homer she wants him to be a more positive role model to Lisa so she doesn't marry Luca$.
"Um... that's a bit forward Mom. I hardly know him and I'm just his competitive eater coach..." said Lisa wincing.
Plot 3
The jail.
"So, you see, Chief, Snake wasn't stealing that stuff out of greed. He was stealing it to thank me." said Bart.
"Plea denied. Warm up the electric chair, Lou." said Wiggum.
"Chief. If you execute Snake, again. He'll kill you and everyone here from beyond the grave as a killer toupee!" said Bart.
Snake grimaced exasperated.
Oscar laughed. "Killer toupee...
"Well we can't because we got this electric chair from some Scandinavian furniture store and it's impossible to put together!" said Lou.
"It's a piece they call IKILLYA." said Eddie reading the instructions.
"Oh the old dead killer murdering from beyond the grave thing. Okay Snake you're free to go and get revenge on whoever ratted you out." Wiggum freed him.
"Aw right! Tubular!" said Snake. "Um who ratted me out?"
"Milhouse did." said Bart.
"I'll kill you you little nerd! I'll kill you!" Snake threatened Milhouse.
Milhouse screamed and fled.
Snake chased him.
Bart face palmed.
"Anyhoo, This place hasn't been the same since Sideshow Bob left." said Ice Pick.
"Didn't he bore you guys with his Shakespeare and so on?" Oscar asked.
"Kinda... But he never squealed." said Ice Pick.
"Yeah no one hates squealers..." said Oscar.
There was an argument.
"I keep telling ya, I'm crazier!" Yelled Decapitating Harry.
The non verbal Guy ranted in gibberish.
Oscar winced.
"Uh... let's get going..." said Bart. They leave.
...
Marge made the mistake of saying Lisa could do better than a fat slob like Homer or Luca$.
"Marge! You married me! Am I not good enough for you?!" Homer yelled.
"Well..."
"I'm going to sleep on Flanders's couch! Because ours is crap!" Homer stormed off.
"Oh great! So you're alright with your daughter marring a fat slob then?!" Marge yelled.
"Marge, my feelings are hurt." said Homer annoyed.
...
School.
"Lucas. You're not competitive eating anymore?" Lisa asked.
"No. I realized that was unrealistic." said Luca-Dollar.
"Well, that's a relief." said Lisa.
"My new goal is to become whatever Adele is." said Luca$.
"A fat, ugly bitch who can't sing..." said Oscar
"Oh great he body shames too..." Hank seethed.
"And you kink shame!" Oscar hissed.
"Stop going on about diapers!" Hank screamed.
"Just call me Pound-Uca-Dollar." said Luca$? (chuckles)
Oscar punched him in the gut. "That's Ke$ha you moron! And no! You're not changing your name to L33t Speak!" Oscar stormed off.
Lisa winced.
"Ow..." Luca$ whined.
...
Meanwhile Matt wanted Homer consider Marge's weird idea of going on a dinner date with Lisa to be a role model.
"Uh no that's creepy. Like Fred West having dinner in a restaurant with one of his victims..." said Homer.
Oscar screamed.
"Fine... I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. You're a lovely husband... otherwise I wouldn't have married you..." Marge sighed.
Elsewhere Milhouse learned not to squeal or tattle on people. Bart gave him back his Mypad but kept the other stolen goods.
At the Power Plant.
Homer was sleeping, and snoring heavily when suddenly Lenny came in and said, "Hey Homer." He rocked him gently to wake him.
"Ahhhhhh leave me alone blue monkey aliens! Oh. It's just you Lenny. I had a wonderful dream that had purple cat aliens that wanted to kill me," said Homer.
"But you yelled out blue monkey aliens, not purple cat aliens," said Lenny.
"No, the blue monkey aliens were just trying to wake me up," said Homer stupidly.
"Anyway Oscar killed Mr Burns again and has sent us all home early. Wanna go out for a few beers?" Lenny asked.
"Hmmmmmm... okay but I don't want to spend all night stuck in a playground again. Can you believe what the fire department charged me?!"
...
At Lil' Paris. A French restaurant for kids.
Lisa headed to her table. Luca$ was there with a plate of salad looking smug at her or giving her a sassy look.
He discussed ridiculous goals like wanting to be whatever Adele is or changing his name to L33t Speak. He no longer was a competitive eater but ate a lot. Just at his own speed and chewed properly.
Uter got annoyed at him for stealing his niche as the comically fat character.
"You're the fat German stereotype. I'm just a fat kid guest star." said Luca$.
"I was here first!" Uter snapped.
"Let's order." said Lisa.
A French waiter came over. "Today's Star dish is lasagna. Meat or vegetarian." said the waiter.
"Meat!" Homer whispered loudly. Trying to sabotage Lisa's date for some reason.
"But Lisa's vegetarian. I have to consider her feelings." said Luca$.
Lisa smiled. He seemed like a sweet guy.
"Fine... vegetarian."
The waiter wrote down two vegetarian lasagnas.
"can the red sauce be cows blood?" Homer whispered loudly.
"I'll see what I can do..." said the French water.
"Mysterious author. I'm not French. Just pissy..." said a pissy French waiter with an exaggerated accent.
...
Elsewhere Bart and Snake made Milhouse appreciate his father more because he nearly took Jeremy's away with his selfish squealing.
"Check it out, Dad. I rented all your favorite gorilla movies. Gorilla Squadron, Gorilla Island VI. [ Gasps ] Apes-A-Poppin;! Whoo, the airline version." said Milhouse renting out gorilla themed movies for Kirk.
"You damn dirty apes!" Oscar yelled.
Bart face palmed.
"Oz... go home..."
"Okay." Oscar beaded back to the Simpsons house. He headed straight for the attic. Hugo was there with his hunchbacked lab assistant Igor.
"Hey, who are you guys?" Oscar asked. Um he's extremely forgetful.
(Peter Lorre impression laughing) "Who are we? No one. Where are we? Nowhere. Do we even exist? Who knows?" Igor said in a creepy Peter Lorre voice. Smoking a cigar.
"Oz you know who I am... I'm your best friend. Hugey..." said Hugo.
"Oh yeah. said Oscar.
...
At the Springfield general. Agnes wasn't very well.
"Dr. Hibbert, I thought you'd located another kidney for my mother." Skinner asked Dr Hibbert.
"Larry Hagman took it. He's got five of them now. And three hearts. We didn't want to give them to him, but he overpowered us." said Dr Hibbert. That's just hilarious!
Oscar writing up this very episode winced.
Anyway I am disappointed Luca$ gave up competitive eating. Lisa dating a pig of a man like her dad would be funny.
At the Lil Paris restaurant.
"How many entrees is normal for one person?" Luca$ asked.
"Ome sir." said the pissy French water.
"No I meant one adult..." said Luca$.
"One sir..." said the waiter.
"No I meant one obese adult..." said Luca$.
"Once again sir... One..." the waiter sighed.
"Just give me the entire lasagna tray from the kitchen..." Luca$ said in a strop.
Lisa growled embarrassed by Luca$'s gluttony.
At Krusty Burger.
"Here you go, sir. A King-Size Ultra Krusty Supreme with the works, double batter fried, on a stick." said Squeaky Voiced Teen. "Oh. And here's your mayonnaise." He gave Luca$ his fattening meal of a king size possible triple stacked burger with all the works double batter fried and skewered on a stick.
"Thank you." said Luca$. He sat down and ate.
Lisa growled mortified by his gluttony again.
After meeting Luca$, Mordecai from the Regular Show was so mortified he forbade Lisa from seeing him. Oh wait! That's the sequel! Luca$ Return$! Mwuhahahaha! And he, That's Luca$, gets a wake up call from Father Time, Margret and Peter Griffin. I have no idea who Margret is...
Homer then let Lisa take Luca$ out with them to dinner.
Lisa was mortified as he greedily ate ribs.
"Now he's quite a catch Lisa." Homer smiled thinking Luca$ was a great future husband for Lisa.
"No he's not! He's little pig! Lisa you can do better! Don't make the same mistake I did!" said Marge.
"Marge, that mistake is why we have three adorable kids..." Homer snapped.
"Five..." Oscar corrected him.
"Mom, Dad. I'm not dating him... I was his competitive eating coach. But he gave up on that and now wants to be Adele. I taught him to whistle the other day." said Lisa.
"Well that's just lazy story telling." said Oscar.
"Probably but you did refuse to do all the weird restaurant scenes with me and Dad because you thought they were creepy..." said Lisa.
...
At the Simpsons house. Homer knew one morning his dad was staying over because they picked him up last night from the retirement home and because there were bran themed cereals in the cereal cupboard. Ie Branny charms (Lucky Charms) and Count Brancula. (Count Chocula.)
"Eeeeeeugh!" Homer groaned. "Kids do you like bran?"
"Nooooo..." said Bart, Lisa and Hugo.
"Homer old people need more fibre..." said Marge.
Stewie Griffin from Family Guy was disgusted by the Simpsons still making episodes called them persistent. "You really are persistent. 25 seasons and still going..."
"Still younger than Sesame Street that's been going on for almost fifty years..." said Bart.
"Oh yeah. Season one. When James Earl Jones was the celebrity guest. Now it's the likes of the Jonas Brothers... or Billie Eilish..." Stewie sighed.
"Only Darth Vader could make counting and the alphabet scary..." said Oscar.
After breakfast Oscar went outside to play in the mud. He was wearing only his diaper. It rained during the night so there was some mud to play with.
"In a couple more hours, this mud will be perfect to play in!" [splashes the mud all over his face.]
Lisa came out and saw his muddy face which she mistook for blackface. She seethed. "Oz! That's offensive! Wash your face now!"
"No!" said Oscar refusing.
"Mooooooom! Make Oscar wash his face! He's being offensive!" Lisa yelled.
"You know Snake nearly died recently because of a screeching tattle tale..." Oscar with a muddy face groaned.
"Oz he's a criminal and there's no honour among thieves!" Lisa replied sharply.
"Hey, guys, why can't a comedian tell a dirty laundry joke? 'Cause it always comes out ''clean''!" Ace, Oscar's vampire friend arrived on scene and told a crummy joke.
Crickets chirped.
"That wasn't funny Ace..." Oscar sighed.
"Oh like you know comedy..." Ace sighed.
"Dress up as a clown..." said Oscar.
"No!" Ace refused.
"But I wike honking your rubber clown nose..." Oscar whined.
Ace sighed.
"Why an I in the wrong for tatting?!" Lisa yelled suddenly.
"Because you are. No one likes a tattle tale..." said Oscar with a muddy face.
"Oz! You're doing a blackface gag that's offensive! Bart's harbouring stolen goods!"
"So? Bart likes his new PlayStation 4." said Oscar.
"It's not his! I think I know who it belongs to. Ralph was crying at school a few days ago over his PlayStation 4 going missing..." said Lisa.
Plot 4
