Chapter Twenty-Five:
More Critical Mission Planning
SMG4 lowered the phone, sighed with defeat, and looked at SMG3, Meggy, Tari, and everyone else present or on the SKYPE line. It was tempting to call the meeting to a break or scrap the mission when someone valuable wasn't answering, but they couldn't stop here and now, especially if Mario and Marty found a way to open the notebook.
"Well, Melony's not answering." SMG4 quipped, "We may as well continue. Next up..." Footage depicting the main casino area with a wheel game cropped up, accompanied by footage of the doorway leading to an upstairs area of the casino itself, "...We need to beat some casino games so we can look rich and get access to the upstairs. Any ideas?"
An apprehensive Tari studied the image of the wheel game for a moment. "I dunno. I'm not an expert on casino games." She said, "Get lucky, I suppose?"
"Heck no!" ShadowSquid9 exclaimed, he was still attending the meeting, "I say we should make SMG3 rig whatever casino game you're playing. You know what they say, 'cheating is a legitimate strategy'."
"Unless you get caught, like the Ink Brigade did." Green quipped with a snide tone.
"Desti would approve if she were alive right now." Meggy said with a chuckle.
"MAKE SMG3 RIG A CASINO GAME!" Senbo yelled, "Rigging a game always works from what I've heard."
"Rig a game, rig a game!" A couple of people on Skype chanted.
"Can't we bring cash?" SMG3 whispered to SMG4.
"Well, I got three bucks..." SMG4 replied with a slight hiss.
"I got five..." SMG3 sneered, "I'm better than you, dumbass. Really, let me rig a game. You're teaming up with an ex-evil trickster after all."
"We could rely on luck, but if we lose, Bob says the only losers at casinos are ones who quit." The meme man pressed on, "Honestly, I think I can handle taking on casino games. I've been playing that Luigi casino minigame on Super Mario 64 DS, and I've watched a few videos on playing certain games at casinos."
"Yo, what are you guys whispering about?" Inkura asked, "Go with rigging a game. A good number of us are vouching for that option."
SMG4 nodded to SMG3, then he faced the group. "Alright, after some deliberation..." He said, "It has been decided that SMG3 will rig a casino game... with the best skills that he has, assuming he has experience with casino rigging since our friend here was a villain for a long time."
"What's next?" Sophia asked.
James Bond pulled up another piece of footage, showing Swag and Chris guarding an elevator, followed by a photo of a table with a stack of cards.
"Next, we have to deal with armed security waiting for us in the rooms leading to upstairs." SMG4 continued, "So, how do we deal with them?"
"MURDER!" SMG3 cried.
"Oh, sure." Tari remarked sarcastically with her eyes on the ex-villain, "Go to town, and kill all the guards, risking the chances of alarms being triggered by gun violence with backup security heading to your position, ready to deal with potential terrorists. Really, you don't have to get violent all the time... I don't want the mission to get messy."
"Unless you're using Splatoon weapons!" Inkura said with glee.
"I think our option is to Go Fish." Meggy suggested.
"Like invite the guards to go fishing with us or play the card game Go Fish?" SMG4 inquired.
"The card game." SMG3 told the meme man.
"Darn, I figured it would be that." Denedry quipped, "You can't go wrong with a simple li'l game of 'Go Fish'."
"Go fish! Go fish!" A human Pakistani SMG4 fan exclaimed.
"Does anybody want to try Go Fish?" A blue-red Toad inquired.
"Heh-heh, I think doing a game of Go-Fish is more fun." Tari told the SMGs.
"You think we have a backup plan in case that or murder doesn't work?" SMG3 asked SMG4, "Having a third option in the end can be beneficial, along with various other options."
SMG4 briefly considered his former nemesis' words, which soon became lost in the clamoring of "go fish", which wound up outdoing the few instances of "do murder" being touted out. After a moment, SMG4 declared, "Okay! Go Fish it is! Now, if we get cornered by the guards at any point, what should our options be."
Everyone studied the meme man with concern, even SMG3 looked perplexed, but he was thinking about the situation as hard as the YouTuber was.
"Start a dance party?" Tari asked, "That would be a clever distraction while you guys somehow make your escape. I saw it in a movie a few months ago, don't remember what it was, but the dance party option always works."
"Come on, Tari!" Meggy exclaimed, "Would that reeeeaaaallly work in real life? Did we need a dance party to stop Waluigi's rampage or when it was time to take out Francis on Anime Island? I don't see a dance party working as Mario would just shut that down in a heartbeat."
SMG3 had an idea. "I have some unused gas canisters from my villain days..." The anti-hero meme guardian quipped, "...SO WHAT IF WE USE TEAR GAS?! HA HA HA HA HA! For reals, I think tear gas might actually work."
"No way! Real tear gas?!" Senbo exclaimed, "That's real genius, SMG3! Hey, everyone! You wanna use tear gas on the guards?"
Green laughed. "That may be a war crime, but as long as it doesn't kill. I'd say heck yeah." He said, "You don't have Serin Gas, do you, SMG3? I can't begin to imagine you using the gas invented by Nazi scientists and used by Islamic terrorists."
"Let's go with tear gas!" An Arabic Toad interjected.
"If anyone goes with 'dance party'..." SMG3 growled, "I swear that I WILL USE MY TEAR GAS CANISTERS ON ALL OF YOU! YOU THINK I WANT A DANCE PARTY WHILE ON A SPY MISSION?! I DON'T DO DANCE PARTIES DURING DANGEROUS SCENARIOS! I am not dancing, not in any way, shape or form!"
ShadowSquid9 raised a hand. "I know chemical weapons are dangerous and were outlawed after World War I by the Geneva Convention, even though they are still used in some scenarios..." He said, "But I... suppose we could go with tear gas on a spy mission."
"Tear gas, tear gas!" A couple of Toads cried.
SMG4 tapped the table. "Tear gas it is!" He declared in an uneasy manner, "And continuing on with a scenario where we're in hot water, what would be the best escape plan when we need to get out of somewhere fast?"
Inkura and Sophia looked at one another and the two Inkling girls giggled, then the former held up an image of Mario in SUPER MARIO 64 doing a long jump, and the green Inkling quipped, "BLJ out of there!"
"BLJ?" One of SMG4's Asian fans asked.
"Drink Black Lemon Juice, I suppose?" A gray Toad remarked.
"No, no, no!" SMG4 laughed, "BLJ means Backwards Long-Jump! In Super Mario 64, there's a glitch where you can long-jump backwards, which some players have used to make it all the way to the top of the Endless Stairs while speed-running the game. The Mario we know has used it several times... and I think I used it once."
SMG3 laughed. "I have never seen you do a backwards long jump in my life." The ex-villain told the meme man, "There's no way we can actually do that, regardless of the fact we shared Mario's appearance for a whole decade."
"We could pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster gods." SMG4 remarked uneasily.
"Nah! I think you boys should do the backwards long-jump." Meggy quipped, "I've watched Mario do it multiple times, and we know you have some of his skills..." She smirked, "I say we should give the BLJ a try, unless you're chicken!"
"Me and Meggy bet fifty coins and twenty 1-Up Mushrooms that you guys do a BLJ..." Senbo piped up with a sly chuckle, elbowing the former Inkling, "Imagine the look on everyone's faces when they see you long jumping around the casino backwards. It'll be so WORTH IT!"
Everyone in the room began clamoring for SMG3 and SMG4 to give BLJing a shot, and the latter was silent for the longest of moments as he thought about it all, even as he glimpsed Senbo flashing him a dirty grin while showing footage of Mario doing the Backwards Long Jump on Meggy's phone.
Unbeknownst to the group, someone ominous was watching the partially-chaotic spy mission meeting on a TV-style monitor within the shadows of their mysterious hideout, and a laugh echoed through the darkness.
"Yes..." The observer chuckled, "The BLJ sounds delightful! Oh, it will make for quite the spectacle in the show as it unfolds. I cast my vote on Backwards Long Jump over praying!"
Another laugh echoed through the shadows, and the figure began typing on a keyboard with a giggle. Moments later, they tapped the "SEND" option, and made sure it came from an anonymous source, then the figure sat back to watch the results unfold.
