Fern knew that envy was a flaw for her. First Carlotta was stealing Will from her, and now Rachel was stealing Alison, her only real friend at St Clare's. Alison was pretty and kind, and easily pleased. Fern loved nothing more than seeing the way her blue eyes lit up as she laughed and chatted with her. But they never shone with admiration the way they did when staring at Rachel as she told Alison all about her famous parents or the drama school. Fern couldn't prevent the flashes of jealousy she felt when she saw Rachel sit next to Alison, or caught sight of both of their heads bent over a book inches away.
Fern was thrilled when she discovered Rachel's secret at half term. It was almost enough to make up for not getting to spend half term with Alison while she went off to meet Rachel's famous parents. At the same time, they looked so thrilled with Rachel that Fern almost felt sorry for her, knowing what a fraud she really was. But then she saw Rachel grab Alison's arm, gripping the other girl's hand with her fingers while Alison rested her head on Rachel's shoulder. She couldn't prevent the jealousy from flaring up, and she left just as Rachel dipped her head forward. Why couldn't Alison ever stare at her with such rapt awe and admiration?
It was a great disappointment to her when revealing Rachel's secret only caused the others to be disgusted at her instead, and pushed Alison further away from her and closer to Rachel. She apologized as sincerely as possible, remembering how much she liked seeing Alison's blue eyes light up as they talked. To her relief, Alison eventually accepted her apology, and Fern thought they could be friends again. She was even looking forward to the midnight feast, thinking that she could convince Alison to sneak off with her away from the rest of the girls. But that was before she saw them, Alison and Rachel, together again.
Fern wasn't even sure where she had seen them, or why she had peeked in. It was probably since spying on others appealed to her spiteful nature. All she could remember was that they were the only two people alone. They were tightly gripping each other, exchanged in a passionate kiss. Alison's hands gripped Rachel's hair, Rachel's arms locked around Alison's waist. Fern felt sickened by the sight. Her face heated up, and she quickly glanced away. She couldn't believe they could do such obscene things. Her heart was pounding, and she remembered the repulsive sight every time she closed her eyes. But at the same time, she felt another emotion that often rose to the surface for her. The well-known, familiar jealousy.
The feeling sickened her even more than what she had witnessed. She quickly ran off, her cheeks flaming. She couldn't stop thinking about it even when she returned home to Five Oaks. She felt the same jealousy when she saw how close Carlotta was with her cousins. She tried to focus on that instead. It was almost pleasant in comparison. At least that sort of envy made sense. It also made sense for her wild cousins to like the horse-mad circus girl more than the vain Fern, even if it was just as maddening. But what did Rachel have that she didn't?
"Did you see me, Libby?" Will demanded. "Did you know that Carlotta's been teaching me to ride bareback? It's harder than it looks, but I'm really getting the hang of it, without any saddle to sit on or reins to guide the horse. At least you don't have to waste time tacking the horse up."
"Carlotta is much better," Libby agreed. "I don't think anyone can ride as marvelously as her. Of course, it's to be expected, since she once rode in a circus…"
"Can't you two talk about anything else?" Fern snapped, getting sick of hearing about Carlotta. "Why don't you go back to talking about horses?" They both turned to stare at her in surprise. Not at her words, but that she had said anything at all.
"We were talking about horses," Will said, confused.
"That's the first thing I've heard you say, Fern," Libby remarked. "I'm kind of surprised. You didn't even say anything when we splashed mud all over you." Fern glanced down at her dirty clothes, barely noticing.
"Yes, usually you wouldn't shut up about that," Will agreed, staring at Fern in concern. "What's wrong, Fern? Are you coming down with something?"
They sounded genuinely worried, so much that Fern almost felt placated. But then Libby grinned and said, "It's a pleasant change from usual, isn't it? Usually, you never stop complaining about getting your hair and clothes dirty. I'm glad Carlotta isn't as fussy as you."
Fern scowled. "If you like your wonderful Carlotta so much, why don't you go back to her?" she snapped, turning away. "I bet she's much less of a bore than me."
"Fern, what are you talking about?" Will demanded.
"Oh, I see what's wrong," Libby said, nodding in understanding. "You're just jealous, aren't you? That's your problem."
"Uh, yeah," Fern agreed. Usually, she'd deny it, but now it was almost a relief to focus on being jealous of somebody else.
Libby looked surprised. "Well, at least you admit it. Envy is a flaw for you, isn't it, Fernie?"
"Don't call me that," Fern snapped. "Only Will can."
"Come on, Fernie, don't be jealous," Will insisted. Fern felt slightly placated by his soothing tone. "I do like Carlotta immensely, but maybe we can do something together later."
"Oh, look at that!" Libby exclaimed just as Fern was about to reply. "There's Carlotta, standing on the horse! Did you ever see anything like that?"
Will raised his head, and Fern couldn't help glancing up too. The circus girl perched on the horse's back as if she was riding in the ring, a beaming smile on her face as she did laps around the field. Fern felt terrified just watching her, and more than a little envious. Then again,
"And I thought riding bareback was impressive!" Will exclaimed.
Fern watched bitterly as they both ran over to awe over Carlotta, forgetting all about her again. Fern wouldn't be surprised if Carlotta showed off like a lowly circus girl just to get their attention, right after her cousins had showed concern for her for once. The thought wasn't very rational, but Fern's jealousy often got the best of her. At least she didn't have to deal with Rachel at home as well as at school. If only there was some way to prevent Carlotta from coming over, she thought.
And that was when she got the idea. A pleased smile spread over Fern's face as she thought about the idea of getting Carlotta into trouble. It would mean she couldn't attend the midnight feast if she was going to spoil it, but there was a chance that she and Libby could get caught, anyway. She felt hesitant about it at first, but the more she thought about it, the more confident she felt. And she'd get back at not only Carlotta, but also that awful Rachel. Libby would get into trouble too, but she was never really fond of her cousin. She always stole the attention from Will, which Fern used to be jealous of her for as well.
She did feel guilty thinking about how she'd get Alison into trouble, but then she remembered what she had seen, which she had been so desperately trying to forget. She felt a sense of betrayal overtake her jealousy for a moment. How dare Alison go behind her back and do things like that with somebody else? It served her right to get into trouble as well, even if she was her friend. Then she'd know what it was like to feel betrayed, even if it wasn't nearly as much of a betrayal as what Fern had witnessed.
"Can you believe Fern?" Alison demanded. "Trying to apologize, after what she did. As if I would accept it!"
"Well, you did last time," Rachel pointed out.
Alison blushed. She wouldn't admit it, but if Carlotta and Rachel hadn't come along, she might've been tempted to accept Fern's apology. She was too weak-natured, as the others always reminded her. She was relieved that they had come along.
"I definitely won't now," Alison insisted. "I don't know why I was still friends with her after what she did to you. But now, she has to sneak on the feast!"
"That was awful, but I know she never liked me," Rachel admitted. "She was looking for the first opportunity to have something to hold against me. In a way, I can't blame her."
"What?" Alison demanded. "It isn't your fault what Fern did, is it?"
"Well, no. But I know that not many of you liked me when I first came here," Rachel explained. "I let my pride take over and put on that conceited façade. I was too proud to admit to myself that I couldn't be an actress anymore. If anything, Fern did me a favor."
"You would never do anything like Fern, even if you were prideful," Alison insisted. "I can't think why she'd want to get the entire form into trouble, just to get back at you. Even me, and I was supposedly her friend, even if I'm definitely not anymore."
"Don't forget that she thought Carlotta was there too," Rachel reminded. "She wanted to get her into trouble too, just because she was jealous of her. And she was jealous of me too, wasn't she? I know she wanted to be your friend too."
"Some friend she is," Alison seethed. "I would never be friends with somebody who betrayed me like that."
Just then, Rachel turned her head sharply. Alison did the same as she heard a noise around the corner, almost like a muffled laugh. Then there was the sound of hurrying footsteps.
"Do you think she was just spying on us just now?" Alison demanded. "Why, the little sneak!"
"It's not just that," Rachel added. "I'm fairly sure she was last time too. That must've been the sound I heard."
"What?" Alison exclaimed, her face flushing as she remembered. She had never done that with another girl before, even if she had admired them from afar.
"When we were… you know. I didn't say anything, since… well, I was preoccupied at the time." Rachel couldn't help blushing as well. "Besides, it could've been anyone. But now, I'm sure it was Fern. The little beast was spying on us, and she was again just now."
"It's no wonder she sneaked," Alison realized. "I suppose she wanted to get revenge on me as well, for spending so much time with you. I suppose it must've been a betrayal for her as well."
"A betrayal?" Rachel asked. "I don't suppose she wanted to do anything like that with you, did she? And that's why she was so jealous?"
"Oh, no," Alison assured, though she felt uneasy by the idea. "Why would she? She just hated for me to have any other friends."
"Maybe she did, or maybe she wanted to be in my place," Rachel said. "Either way, it's amazing what envy can do."
"Well, I'm glad she wasn't," Alison declared, grabbing Rachel. "Actually, you know what? I hope she is watching now. I'd love to see her reaction."
Rachel stared at Alison in surprise as the other girl pulled her forward, unlike last time when she had been the one to initiate it. Alison's heart pounded as she kissed Rachel again, forgetting about everything else.
I didn't even notice that the title rhymes with "The Twins at St Clare's" (sins/twins). It's a funny coincidence.
