Chapter 3: Imaginary

Daine slept badly that night. She was used to sharing a closet bed with two other servants, curling up on her wooden shelf with the thin blanket that she had to hide from their greedy fingers. She had lost her pillow months before, and was used to resting her head on her arm and pressing her free hand over her ears. The stable kitchen was never quiet, with all of the night patrols and drunken guards coming in and out in a steady stream. Their fingers pinched more than blankets, and the girl knew to sleep with one eye half open. It was impossible to sleep deeply, but she was always so exhausted that even that was a blessing.

There was a narrow bed in the nursery - humble by noble standards, but luxurious to Daine. There was a straw mattress, a thick blanket, and a threadbare pillow that used to be blue. When the baby was sleeping, she lay down and wriggled in delight.

But sleep did not come.

She stared at the candle, and beyond it to the crib. The baby - she hadn't been expecting that. When she heard about the job, her ear only made it to the name of the great mage before she volunteered. The details came afterwards, when the other servants mocked her for her 'stupid' choice. She couldn't tell them the truth - that she had been ordered to find the mage at any cost - so she mocked them right back, and ended up convincing herself that she actually wanted to work for him. At least it had helped convince Numair. Daine wasn't sure he'd like to hear about the real reason she was here.

Her eyes slid shut despite the restless feeling in her belly, and she sank into the soft pillow.

It was nearly dawn when she woke up. At first she thought the strange noise was the baby, but when she forced her sleepy eyes to focus, he was sleeping soundly. The noise grew impatient: hrrumph!

"Badger." Daine whispered warily, "Where are you this time?"

-This place stinks of stone.- he replied tetchily. -Open this window so we can breathe!-

The girl rolled her eyes and headed to the window, where the animal was sitting sulkily. "It's cold out there, Badger. I don't want the baby to get sick."

He harrumphed again and looked her up and down. A note of approval made it into his voice. -I knew you could do it. Have you told him, yet?-

"Told him!" Daine laughed, and then lowered her voice with a guilty look at the door. "I'm his servant. He probably can't even remember my name. How can I tell him that a… an imaginary Badger with silver claws told me to find him?"

-Imaginary! I spent long enough convincing you that I was real, girl! Don't tell me you've forgotten!-

She hesitated, "I've gotten confused before. I don't want… what if I tell him, and then I really did imagine you, and he thinks I'm mad?"

-Fine, an imaginary Badger who told you how to find him, and what to say, and guided you down all those mountain trails when you were a cub… you ungrateful child!- he snorted. -Isn't that claw around your neck proof enough?-

Her fingers closed around it unconsciously, and she nodded. "I'm sorry. I just don't trust myself to… to think clearly, sometimes. If a pack is near, or if I have the nightmares…"

-Hush.- he nuzzled against her fingers comfortingly, and the girl smiled shakily. -You don't have to tell him. It's enough that you're here. I'm sure things will find their own path.-

"What should I do next?" she lowered her voice even more. The badger looked awkward for a moment.

-I don't know.-

"But aren't you my patron?" Daine said, amazed, "You wanted me to come here, and I did. Why would the gods want me to scrub floors?"

The animal narrowed his eyes, -The gods don't play chess, you know. Humans are so bad at following instructions, so it's not worth the bother. Especially not with humans who argue as much as you do!-

"Do not." Daine argued mulishly.

-I was told to get you here. All I was told is that it is important that you met this man. Some things are written, and your meeting is one of them. After that, I don't know any more than you do. Stay with him for as long as you can, and learn as much as you can. Just make he doesn't get rid of you.-

"What if I go against their plans?"

-As long as you are here, I do not think you can. I admit I do not know much of it, but… no! I shall tell her!- he suddenly snarled, looking up as if arguing with someone on the roof. Daine looked up, but apart from a few cobwebs she couldn't see anything. The badger growled under his breath, and then spoke rapidly. -You have both been singled out by Chaos. You, and the man. You are weak, both of you, but together you will be stronger. Perhaps even strong enough to make a difference in this foolish war. No! She should know! Even Weiryn said…!-

There was a strange sucking flash, and when Daine's eyes cleared, the Badger was gone. She took a step back, shocked, and then heard a noise. Staring around, she saw that the door was open and the lanky mage was looking through. His own eyes were as shocked as her own.

"What was that light?" he demanded in a fierce whisper, "Some kind of magic?"

"I don't have magic." she replied, planting her hands on her hips. "Are you just barging into my room, now?"

"My son's room." he said icily. Daine scowled, but held her tongue as he walked over to the crib. The man looked down at the sleeping child, then slowly reached in and picked up the boy's hand. The tiny fingers curled around his own. Daine heard a shallow intake of breath, and then Numair took her arm and quietly walked her out of the room.

"His hands-" Numair started, and then shook his head with a look of wonder, "They're not claws. They're just fingers! How did you do that?"

"I dunno." Daine shrugged, awkward with this praise, and stared at the floor. "I just gave him a cuddle."

"A cuddle." he repeated flatly.

"That's right. He was fussing, so I picked him up and cuddled him, and he went to sleep."

The man tugged at his nose fitfully and glanced up at the nursery door. "He doesn't like being held. We have to wrap him in a blanket and hold him still, or he claws at us."

"He didn't do any of that to me." Daine felt guilty, and wished he would stop talking. It was obvious that this man had never had a tender moment with his own child. "I got lucky, I guess."

Numair shook his head, "That's not possible. Look: I've spent weeks trying to find the right spells to help him. I've read every damn book in the castle library, tried at least a hundred spells, but nothing worked. You can't possibly expect me to believe that you fixed him by giving him a cuddle."

"Odds bobs! What do you expect me to say? I wished really really hard?" her temper flared, "I didn't try to fix him at all! He's not broken! He's just a little baby. He's all sad and confused but he wanted a cuddle, so that's what I did."

"If you didn't do anything, then what was that light?" Numair interrupted. Daine paled and bit her lip, and he smiled thinly, "Can't you tell me?"

"It wasn't anything to do with you."

"No, I rather suspect it was something to do with Velos." he replied acerbically. The girl's mouth fell open, but before she could defend herself, he looked away. "It doesn't matter. Whatever you did, it worked. Will he be settled enough to travel today? We have to go to Gennen Hall. It's about thirty miles away. Do you have any travel clothes?"

Daine answered his next few questions numbly, nodding or shaking her head when she needed to, and only realised when he turned away that she'd been dismissed. Not just sent back to the nursery, but dismissed from his mind in an easy moment.

When the Badger had found her in the mountains and told her about this strange mage and their shared fate, she had imagined some kind of sweeping adventure - some kind of fierce pairing where their minds would match. But Numair barely even saw her. The only reason he'd spoken to her at all was because of the light, and as soon as he'd decided it wasn't a threat, he'd dismissed it. It was like she didn't matter at all. Daine had never felt more like a servant than in that moment, standing in his house like an ugly piece of furniture, scolded and waved away like a child.

"What's his name?" she demanded loudly. Numair turned quickly, his eyebrows flying up in surprise. "Your son - what's his name? The lady didn't bother to tell me."

"He…." Numair looked away for a moment, and then his shoulders raised in a defenceless shrug. "Mothers name their babies in this country, don't they? Laissa didn't get the chance."

"Oh well, you've only had two weeks yourself. I guess you've been fair busy." she returned sarcastically. "Any ideas, my lord? Or should I just make something up?"

He reddened. "He has a name. I just don't like it. Lord Velos named him after himself, which was his right as head of the family. I can't argue with him, and he'll be furious if I change it. I wanted to call him Cassian." he smiled then, a strange secret smile that held more pain than Daine could bear to see. She instinctively reached forward to grasp his hand, wanting to comfort him, but forced herself to be still.

"It's a nice name. When we get to Gennen Hall, we can call him whatever you like. Lord Velos won't be able to hear us!"

Numair laughed shortly, "Are you sure you want to disobey your master, girl?"

"He's not my master." Daine set her chin stubbornly and met the man's eyes. "You are."