A/N: Susintentions here! New Chapter after 2 years! Thank you everyone for your support, your patience, and your comments. You're all the best!
Please don't be too harsh as my writing skills might be a bit rusty. But I'll get back in the hang of it!
As Felt jumped into Subaru's arms and her lips brushed against his, it was as if time itself slowed to a near standstill. Every sensation became heightened to a level neither the svelte golden-haired girl with crimson eyes nor the dark-haired boy with nasty eyes had ever experienced before.
The soft touch of their lips joining over and over, the gentle brush of warm breath that condensed into a white fog around them due to the cold, stormy atmosphere. However, it was perhaps the electrifying feeling of their chests touching that was most powerful, as the symphony of the pair's heartbeats synchronized into one.
The emotional turbulence of the past hour had truly transformed into a thrilling, but comforting dance of affection as the two finally gave into their repressed desires.
Subaru unconsciously felt something shift inside of him. Whether that was his desire, goals, or something else, this special moment in time could never be stolen from him.
The consequences of their actions would have to wait, for just as the moment felt like it would last forever, Subaru heard a new sound he'd never soon forget: "Achoo–!" Felt sneezed.
"Uh, that may have been the most adorable sneeze I've ever heard, Felt."
Felt couldn't help but laugh softly, "You're a strange guy, Subaru. That's the first thing you say to me after everything?"
She continued breathlessly, "I don't even know what the hell just happened, and honestly, I don't have the energy to even think about it. My dress is ruined; I look like a wet mop, and I'm gonna get hypothermia if we don't get the hell back in the carriage!"
She was right. The two were completely soaked through after standing out in the storm for so long.
"I'm sorry about the dress, Felt. You looked so stunning."
"Subaru, I hate dresses. To hell with the dress. Also, aren't you supposed to say I don't look like a wet mop, ya jerk?" Her crimson eyes narrowed, and Subaru flinched involuntarily.
Exhaling softly and seemingly satisfied with Subaru's recoil, Felt stuck out her tongue and smiled.
"I'm gonna take the dress off so I don't feel as heavy as a ground dragon and then we can get out of here back to Reinhard's. We'll talk about whatever the hell just happened literally in any other place and time except tonight in this frickin' storm, kay?"
Subaru's heart skipped a beat. "W-wait… You're gonna take off the dress here? Now?"
"No dummy! You stay outside while I change inside! You didn't think I'd let my Chief Advisor stare at me while I changed, did ya?" Felt stuck out her tongue again and flicked Subaru's forehead.
Subaru turned beet red but courageously put on a coy attitude. "W-well… maybe just a peak?" That response earned him a harder than usual punch in the arm.
"See ya in a second, bro! Eh, bro doesn't feel right anymore... See ya in a second, Subaru!" The golden-haired girl looked up at Subaru with such a cute smile – another rare showing of affection – that he had no choice but to relent.
Subaru smiled back. A true smile, one that he hadn't experienced since he was a kid. "Yeah, see you in a second, Felt."
Several minutes had passed, and the carriage driver began to get impatient.
"Subaru, we truly must be going. The storm is getting worse, and it's nearly pitch black outside now. I'm afraid I must insist we begin to move."
Rubbing the back of his head like a sheepish grade schooler who accidentally forgot his homework, he gave a thumbs up and a grin. "Oops, yeah! Forgot about you… Darren? Yeah, Darren. Uh, I'll go see if we can leave now, just gotta check with Felt."
The bushy-bearded carriage driver muttered under his breath, "It's Samuel, jerk. Last time I'm pulling over for that brat..."
Subaru cautiously approached the carriage door and knocked. "Felt, are you done? You're taking sort of awhile. I mean I guess I don't know how long it takes to remove a medieval-style dress and all, but the Carriage Driver guy is ready to go! And he's right, we really should."
No response.
Subaru knocked again, harder. "Felt?"
Silence.
Getting impatient and slightly concerned with the lack of the usually boisterous Felt's response, Subaru made a decision. Steeling his resolve, Subaru decided to take a massive risk and open the carriage door, regardless of the consequences. Covering his eyes with both hands, he called, "Felt I'm coming in! My hands are over my eyes; I am not looking, and, uh, yeah, I'm just not looking, okay?"
He opened the carriage door and slowly opened his eyes, but no one was in the back seat. In fact, there was barely any evidence anyone had been in the carriage at all. It wasn't wet, nor was there a sopping wet dress to be found. All that remained was the painting Felt had bought earlier that day at the market.
"Shit! Felt!?" Subaru screamed out frantically searching, but with Felt's speed, she was probably long gone by now.
Running up to the carriage driver, Subaru desperately yelled, "We gotta go! We gotta find Felt! I don't know where the hell she went! Should we go back to the market? If she's not there, we'll need to check each district. Hurry!"
Darren, or rather Samuel, looked utterly confused. "What are you talking about, this is crazy! We must go back to the Astrea mansion immediately!"
Subaru shot the bushy haired carriage driver a warning look. Quietly, he threatened, "This is an order, not a request. Fucking do it."
The Noble's District.
Empty.
The Commercial District
Empty.
The Commoners' District.
Empty.
"Fuck, she must be back in the slums…" Subaru swore to protect Felt. He swore to himself he'd find her and bring her home. For the past three hours he was stuck between thinking she was kidnapped and the possibility of her realizing she made a terrible mistake and hated him for ruining her life. He scratched his arm in guilt, drawing blood as he secretly hoped that it was the former.
"I will not go to such a dangerous part of Lugunica at night! I utterly, positively, undoubtedly refuse! In fact, I will be going back to the Astrea's regardless of my punishment. This is lunacy! You are not my employer! Sir Heinkel is! I'm sure he'll be most interested in your delusions!"
Subaru cursed the nameless driver to hell. "Fine, fuck you! I don't need your help anyways! I know exactly where she is… it's gotta be either the Den or the Loot House!"
Subaru ran towards the slums, a place of both nostalgia and fear for Subaru. He hadn't been back since the incident with Elsa. Shuddering at the thought of having his guts ripped out again, he hoped to get out of the district as soon as possible. It was nearly sunrise yet the rain had not abated in the slightest.
After what felt like hours of running, and just as he nearly collapsed from exhaustion, he finally approached the dilapidated wooden shack and took in his surroundings.
However, what he saw was different than last time.
Felt's Den was in a far worse state than when the pair had originally taken a break from running endlessly from Emilia, Ton, Chin and Kan.
The overturned table, broken bucket and clotheslines with stringy blankets were gone, replaced with mold and mildew.
The shack's rotting wooden planks lost their remaining integrity, with most of the planks caving inward into the ground. However, perhaps the most striking difference was the stench forcing itself into Subaru's nostrils. Whereas it was simply a smell of garbage a few weeks ago, now it smelled of something purely disgusting... something reminiscent of death.
Confused as to how Felt's den went from a run-down barely liveable hideaway to a truly inhospitable place of disrepair so quickly made no sense to Subaru.
"It's only been a few weeks… why is the den like this?!"
Hopeful that Felt wasn't here and was instead back at Rein's mansion, he tepidly called out her name, wishing her soft voice wouldn't answer. "Just be at Reinhard's… please."
"Felt? Are you here?"
Silence.
"Felt...? Please! Are you here?"
A tired, almost uncaring voice called back, "Hm? Here to arrest me again? I didn't do anything this time…. Go away…."
Dismayed that the voice he instantly recognized as Felt's called back, Subaru approached the den slowly.
Looking up and noticing it was Subaru rather than a guardsmen, her voice softened.
Her Crimson Eyes became teary. A moment of quiet passed until she finally whimpered softly.
"Oh, it's just… you. Whatever it is, Subaru… please... just say it quickly."
Subaru quickly got down at eye level with the defenseless girl, who was laying against a dead piece of wood and garbage. No longer wearing her signature black tights, red scarf and tiny top, she instead donned filthy rags that rippled in the storm's wind.
"Felt! Thank God I found you! What the hell happened here?!" Subaru's jet black eyes narrowed and scanned Felt from top to bottom with a deep concern. He inspected her for injuries or perhaps for magical interference, though he of course would have no possibility to discern if something paranormal occurred.
Pressing for a response, he continued, "Felt… please. What happened? During the storm and our–"
Frowning, Felt interrupted. "What do you mean 'what happened?'"
Speaking in an almost song-like tone, a tone which Subaru had never heard from Felt before, she continued, "You were there. I was there. Gramps… Gramps was there. We were all there~"
Confused at the incomprehensible situation before him, Subaru knew something was deeply, deeply wrong. He began to speak in a shaky voice "Wh-what are you talking about? Why are you wearing these clothes? Where's your black bow and your wet dress… you never part with that bow…."
Confused, Felt cocked her head slightly. A trait Subaru normally found insanely cute but not this time. This time it was different.
"Subaru, how could what I'm wearing possibly be relevant to anything? I'm just livin' fuckin' strong as always."
"I– I don't…" Subaru let out a nervous chuckle. Felt wasn't the type to seek attention in this way. He resolved himself to end this truly fucked up situation with the one thing the pair always connected on: humor. "C'mon Felt, don't you think you're just overreacting to the other night? You're stronger than this, dummy! Get outta here and stop messing with me already!"
Felt slowly, with tears streaming down her face, finally looked up at Subaru in his eyes for just a moment. She still hadn't moved an inch. "Fine," she relented, "I am overreacting."
Subaru breathed a sigh of relief. "Look, I know I complicated things by my confess–"
Ignoring him, Felt continued. Looking back down and putting her head on her knees, she sighed, "It wasn't your fault I stole the insignia. I certainly got my karma for it, seeing that Gramps– my only family in this fucked up world– is dead. At least you and that girl were relatively unharmed after all that happened."
Before Suabru could interject, the golden-haired girl pressed on with a forced smile. "But, reaching the final straw in this life has been a good thing… because its made me realize that I really am a worthless slum rat. It also made me understand that you and I not only don't have a personal relationship; We never could… So please leave. Please?"
Her eyes were hardly crimson anymore. There was no fire, drive, nor courage in them right now. They were barely a pale red.
"Felt, what are you even…" Subaru's brain suddenly felt searing with a white hot pain. It was as if his brain was being sawed through over and over and over again. He still didn't understand what the hell Felt was talking about.
Ignoring his pain and assembling all the courage he had left, he attempted to complete his train of thought, "Felt… what are you saying? Your family isn't dead. We're all here for you back at Rein's. Come home… please? We can prank Otto and Gramps like we were planning to do..."
"SUBARU! Elsa killed Gramps. I was left alone. My life is in literal tatters. Although, I guess everyone leaving me behind isn't something new. It's not like it hasn't happened a hundred times before. But Subaru, you were fucking there! Stop fuckin' with me! Leave me alone!"
"No. No. That is not true, Felt. We… We survived Elsa together. The insignia… you have one now. We all live at the Astrea's mansion together! Gramps, too! The painting of the slums, I was going to hang it up in my room, remember? Its still in the carriage the asshole driver is bringing home now!"
"Please, just remember…"
Felt opened her mouth only to break down crying again. The sight of Felt crying in despair etched itself into Subaru's heart. It was something he never, not once, wanted to see.
Subaru thought back to the moment he met Felt in the alleyway during the first hours of his new life in Lugunica.
He remembered getting his ass kicked by the three nimrods and Felt running inhumanly fast. After a quick conversation with her, he grabbed out towards her slender arm.
But he was too slow to grasp it. She escaped and he was alone in the alleyway again.
Subaru's eyes darkened. "No. No, no, no. That's not what happened..." His voice breaking, he couldn't help but panic.
His eyes darted around with a hint of madness and a plea; a plea to return both Felt and himself to reason. "I grabbed you, you helped me! We're building your camp with Rein… I like you so much… you were my first kiss, my first real glimpse of a future! You're the only reason I have to live. You give me purpose, Felt."
Felt finally stood up and approached Subaru cautiously. "None of that happened, bro. None of it. I barely even know you. Are- are you okay…?"
Intrusive, unwanted memories began to flood back into Subaru's broken mind like a rupturing dam.
After being left by Felt in the alleyway, a silver-haired elf approached him. "Emilia."
They caught up to the loot house together after hours of searching for the insignia. A fight ensued. Old Man Rom was slaughtered.
Barely holding out against Elsa, Reinhard finally found them. Elsa died.
Felt returned the insignia to Emilia, though its red jewel did not glow. She was not chosen.
Emilia returned to the Mathers domain and Reinhard took the injured Subaru to his mansion.
Felt was left to grieve alone over her dead grandfather.
Weeks passed, and although Subaru met Freya and Otto, Felt was nowhere to be found in any of his memories after the Loot House fight.
"Subaru… Are you okay? I told you… it's not your fault. I didn't mean to upset you... Please, just let me rot away in peace."
At that exact moment there was a shift in the atmosphere. The world became dark. The city became quiet. The rain was frozen in midair.
There was only one final thing Subaru could check; one last way to recover his sanity. With a shaky hand, he reached into his jacket's pocket, expecting to pull out a bow he secretly bought at the South Market Square earlier that day.
What he pulled out was not a bow. In fact, what he saw him instantly vomit bile all over himself.
It was his cellphone. It fell onto the muddy ground.
In other words, it was indisputable proof that his mind had really broke and his happy memories with Felt were false.
Felt's eyes started to overflow with a broken worry. She looked rapidly back and forth into Subaru's black soulless eyes, as if she were trying to rein him back to reality with all of her might. For a brief moment, she looked like the Felt he thought he knew.
If one were to observe this from afar, it would have looked like Subaru was looking back into the slender girl's eyes too. But he wasn't. He was looking past her, past everything, all the way into nothingness.
Time had frozen.
For him, only one thing remained. She appeared in the periphery of his vision.
Walking towards him, she slowly leaned into his ear.
Whispering seductively, her smile grew wider with each word to the point of becoming inhuman.
"So... This is the story you made up about who you are. It's a nice one."
Another girl… no, Emilia leaned into his other ear. Her face had been gouged and mutilated like it was half eaten.
Emilia looked sad. "Too bad it isn't true…"
She giggled. "To think that with such a slightly different start to your journey in this world would result in such a drastically different reality…"
Subaru said nothing. His mind couldn't tell what was real anymore. Everything was frozen. His memories were inextricably strung together. All he could do was laugh.
She continued with a small smile ignoring his now maniacal laughter. "Now Subaru, this is not to suggest that different is all that interesting. In the infinite paths- the infinite choices- you could have pursued, you chose this. You chose this boring poor scrawny little slum girl. In fact, you chose to see yourself as someone who could overcome anything and everything… even your own flaws, despite the absurdity of such a thing, as long as she was by your side."
Her smile instantly turned into a frightening, hideous frown. "How boring."
She quickly shifted back into a neutral expression. "Well, I suppose it's better than that disgusting silver-haired whore you were ordained to love."
She spat on Emilia's mutilated face and smacked her lips.
"Unfortunately, it's time to end this disgusting falsehood of a story for you, my dear Subaru."
With a single tilt of her head, Felt's body and face contorted into itself and became one mass of flesh and blood, mixing together until she was dragged somewhere beyond. It was as if Felt had been removed from reality itself.
She softly caressed Subaru's blood stained face. "I'll see you soon, my dearest. Don't worry, it'll be quick… for you, at least"
Singing in what could only be described as a melody of pure malevolence and hatred, "For the slum whore, well, I'm excited to have some girl time together before I release her from the excruciating pain of dying over and over again and again. Ad Infinitum is what they call it in your world, yes?"
Subaru hated her. He directed his hatred towards her with all his might.
A single scratch appeared on her face, drawing the faintest amount of blood, only to disappear instantly after.
She touched her cheek, blushing deeply at the brief pain. "Ah, has it awakened already?"
It was now Subaru's turn to withstand the pain of his skin, muscles, and bones being ripped one by one. Before his consciousness faded into the beyond, he felt only one thing: Wrath.
Hateful Wrath. Envious Wrath. Loving Wrath. Fearful Wrath. Prideful Wrath. Sinful Wrath. Guilty Wrath. Gluttonous Wrath. Disgusting Wrath. Pure Wrath. [ ] Wrath.
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"I love you."
"Go to hell."
Subaru awoke in the carriage. Hyperventilating and trembling, he brought his finger to his cheek, closing his eyes before he touched it.
There was no sign of exposed gum, teeth or blood. To confirm his safety, Subaru rolled his sleeves to check for any open muscle or bones. There were none. He sighed in deep relief. It was just a dream. That means Felt-
"Felt!" Subaru stood up and hit his head on the carriage's ceiling. "Ow, shit!" He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
A grumbling Felt gritted her teeth in response. "Shut the hell up Subaru I'm tryna sleep, dummy!" The barely awake, still soaking wet Felt was lying on Subaru's shoulder. She repositioned herself and held Subaru's chest tighter. No longer wearing a soaking wet dress, she had returned to her usual outfit. Though it was still wet.
Subaru didn't notice Felt's deep blush because he himself was flustered beyond control at the sight of a girl he liked holding him so tenderly.
He had never, not even once, gotten himself in an even remotely similar romantic situation with a girl back in Japan. Before he could apologize for waking her, he heard a small, cute snore.
Subaru wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, but the golden-haired crimson eyed, svelte girl on his shoulder fell back into peaceful sleep just 5 seconds later.
He chuckled softly to himself, "Does she have a divine protection for falling asleep anywhere ? Weirdo…"
Felt must also have superhuman hearing given that she playfully hit him in the chest while still snoring.
Subaru smiled warmly at Felt.
Taking a moment to recollect himself, he remembered where he was and the life-changing event that had just transpired. Subaru was riding in a carriage with Felt back to the Van Astrea estate. They had finally sold Subaru's cell phone earlier in the day thanks to Otto's connection, and managed to secure quite the large sum of holy coins from it. On the way back to Reinhard's mansion, a jubilant Felt had surprised Subaru with a gift, a painting, in a rare expression of gratitude and affection. This drove Subaru beyond rationality, and his feelings for the golden-haired girl no longer could be suppressed. Despite the challenges it would present for her, and inevitably her candidacy, he selfishly confessed his feelings to her.
Subaru's head spun when he thought about what happened. He confessed to Felt, was rejected by her, and then kissed her all in the span of only a few minutes. What the hell had even happened? She must have changed her mind… but why?
More questions popped into his head the more he thought about it.
Was Felt his girlfriend? Subaru felt a well of excitement erupting inside him that he hadn't felt since he was a young child. He quickly calmed himself back down as he realized that they hadn't actually discussed their relationship after the kiss, let alone anything meaningful. Felt basically sprinted back into the carriage and fell asleep shortly after. Besides, Reinhard had explained that a relationship would be practically impossible because of Subaru's standing and the unspoken rules of the selection. The risk of distracting from Felt as a single candidate would destroy the already-slim prospects Felt had to ascend to the throne. Did they just ruin their one chance to rid Lugunica of its dreadful inequality between nobles, common folk and the poor?
He sincerely hoped not.
Subaru's head began to hurt. They clearly had transcended being "just friends," but they also weren't anything official, even in secret. What were they? Hopefully he could figure that out when there was a better chance to talk about what had happened.
Frustrated, Subaru flicked his forehead. "Gah! I can't think about this now!"
To distract himself, Subaru looked over at the girl who had stolen his heart. She was now nearly upside down on the carriage floor. Subaru chuckled; The crimson-eyed girl always slept in the craziest, unguarded positions. Because of her vulnerable position, Subaru was able to get an extended look at her slender thighs. " Holy shit, I want a lap pillow so badly… and to take an ever closer look... How can a girl's thighs look so incredibly soft and warm…"
Instinctively, he reached out to touch them, but at the last moment, he pulled his hand away.
Blushing, Subaru turned to face the other side of the carriage. It wouldn't be proper to look at the girl he just confessed to when she was so unguarded. Besides, if Felt ever found out, Subaru would probably – definitely – be murdered.
He took a moment to collect himself, resting his head against the window as he listened to the rain. Subaru felt a deep happiness, a certain pride, that Felt seemingly returned his affection. However, their relationship and shared goals felt very fragile, as if any external force could change or even break them, if they weren't careful.
As the storm continued in full force, Subaru closed his eyes again, hoping he wouldn't have another bad dream.
Even if he couldn't remember most of what happened in his nightmares, they still inflicted scar after scar on his mind and heart.
A/N: I sincerely hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Please leave a review/comment if you enjoyed, have helpful feedback or any questions. I'll reply to as many as I can! See you for Chapter 6!
