March's own photo hobby only took maybe a good week to take form into what any regular person would call an obsession. It took maybe a little bit over a month for her love of photos to also extend into a love of video.

2 Months after that, March somehow ended up becoming an Streamer on the Interastral Peacekeeping Corporation's funded video website, Interastral Sharing Website.

Yeah, the IPC wasn't really good at coming up with names. It was kind of a running joke between everyone in the universe.

That aside, since the 8 months since March joined the express and the 6 months she's been streaming, she's been blowing up!

Because, on her 6th month anniversary, she hit the highly coveted… 100 viewer mark!

In a universe filled with billions, maybe even trillions of people, that may not sound like much. But may March remind you, there are also millions of streamers out there in the world too!

Well, it didn't really matter if she was good at it, she was having fun! After all, on the Astral Express, there was rarely a bad day to do a streaming vlog!

Like today, where she was going to just do another vlog on the Herta Space Station while Himeko gave Herta another curio. But instead, the Antimatter Legion was attacking!

Luckily for her, it's just high quality content! Her views are definitely going to spike after this! After all, her most popular streams were the ones where she fought something.

Looking at her already high view count of 100 viewers, she told them, "Alright guys! Let's do this!"

Herta's #1 Fan: Is Herta in danger?

Wolfy (MOD): You got this, March!

Doppelganger: Sending my love 3 3

"Thanks for the support!" March smiled as she put her trusty recording device- Her phone- onto her shoulder support so it could record what's in front of her.

First of all, March turned to Himeko because she was the trustworthy adult in this situation, "March, Dan Heng, you go help the researchers in the space station escape. Welt will stay with the Astral Express. I'll find Asta to get a better idea of the situation."

Himeko already began to leave, so March knew that they had it from here.

August 30th: HIMEKO! PLEASE HELP USSSS!

0bama: Pamela, why are you watching March 7th instead of helping with the evacuation?

August 30th: stfu you're here too

Luckily, March bought a special pair of contact lenses that would let her view her chat in her eyes whenever she wanted. Specifically for this situation, definitely.

"Hey! August! Obama's right!" March lightly chided as she turned to Dan Heng, "Alright, let's go!"

Dan Heng rolled his eyes as he began to run towards the lower levels of the space station, March following along, "Do you need to respond to your chat's every comment?"

"Uh-huh!" March confirmed, already preparing an arrow to fire whenever she spots an enemy, "It's super duper important!"

Doppelganger: But please keep yourself safe! 3

Wolfy (Mod): Gonna go dark for a bit, don't spam porn.

Foxian Wonder: Dan Heng is so mean to us :(

Dan Heng simply replied, "Very well, then. Remember to keep your chat off during combat."

"I know!" March annoyedly shouted out, but she couldn't speak more before the Antimatter Legion was charging straight at them.


Gently humming, Kafka slowly inspected the holder of the stellaron, Caelus. Making sure that he was in perfect condition for what was to come. After all, it would be a shame if Caelus were missing an arm or a leg.

Kafka knew full well that no such thing was possible. She just wanted to look at him for one more moment. They won't be meeting in person for a few months.

"So, he's really the one that the new Aeon was interested in?" Kafka asked Silver Wolf, knowing full well that they both knew the answer.

Knowing that Kafka knew the answer and she knew that Silver Wolf already knew that she knew that she knows the answer, Silverwolf shrugged, "Yeah."

That word salad didn't make any sense. But Silverwolf's reply is so universal that it really didn't matter that it didn't make sense.

Having a funny idea, Silver Wolf suggested, "Hey, you know what Elios said about that new Aeon, right? It's not in the script, so does it matter if we check how powerful THEIR control over fate is?"

It was a rather foolish idea, trying to slight a self-proclaimed Aeon of fate based off a whim. It was an even worse idea to try and slight the already established Aeon of Finality and risk having their stories end too soon.

That being said, Kafka was intrigued by foolish ideas, "Oh, what did you have in mind?"

"So, here's what Elios said…"

After that, everything went according to script.

Kafka gently told the confused Caelus that everything was going to be alright. That he would be with a wonderful family on the most surreal of adventures. And that in the end, he should make a choice that he won't regret.

And also, she agreed with Silver Wolf in testing the new Aeon.

"Listen," Kafka had said after her scripted dialogue, "You absolutely hate Herta. You think she's vile. Despicable. Ugly. Moronic. Genuinely one of the worst beings in this universe. You wouldn't hesitate to hit her first if you were in a room filled with monsters. The next time you see Herta, you'll actually throw up and have no pleasant thoughts. Got it?"

"Huh?" Caelus had dumbly replied, seeming to not understand anything she just said.

But that was fine, Kafka knew that her words reached him.

Leaning back up, she gently told Caelus, "Alright, see ya, Caelus."

And with that, the Stellaron Hunters made their leave.


"Oh no! He's unconscious! Is he going to be alright?!" March concernedly asked as she observed the fallen man propped up against the wall.

They were just passing by the curios to ensure that no one was stuck in there. But there was a researcher there!

August 30th: Who even is that guy?

Zoomies: I hope he's OK :(

Wolfy (Mod): Okay I'm back, did anyone post porn?

Rzack: Yeah, Silencio did.

Silencio: DUDE WTF MAN?

Not paying attention to her chat, March asked Dan Heng, "You know CPR, right?! Can you use it on him?!"
Raising an eyebrow, Dan Heng asked, "Didn't you take the same classes as I did?"

"I wasn't good at it!" March shouted back, embarrassed to be even saying it.

In response, Dan Heng sighed and leaned into the man's face.

AlienAlienSpaceAlien: THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME NOT HIM!

Rzack: Oh nope, it's Space Alien.

But suddenly, the unconscious man was becoming conscious, so March pushed Dan Heng away to make sure that he didn't do something unnecessary, "Stop! He's awake!"

AlienAlienSpaceAlien: THANK YOU MARCH!

Wolfy (Mod): Alien you're on thin ice buddy.

As the man got to his feet, dazed, March asked him, "Hey! Do you know where you are?"

"...Nope," He said after a moment, "No clue."

March's face fell. Another case of memory loss like her?

Dan Heng asked, "Do you at least know your name?"

He blinked, "Uh, I think it's Caelus."

He thinks?

THE SLANDER AGENDA!: He thinks?

"You think?" Dan Heng asked, confused.

Caelus shook his head, "No, I know."

Well, that was a waste of a thought, then.

March lightly jabbed him in the arm, "Ah! You had us worried there for a moment! Anyways, you were probably a researcher on this space station. So we have to get you back to where everyone is evacuating to!"

It didn't seem like Caelus was particularly bright because the first thing he asked was, "We're on a space station?"

March blinked, "...That's what I said, yeah."

Suddenly, Caelus had a grin on her face, "I like space stations!"

THE SLANDER AGENDA!: Oh, I think I have the perfect guy to slander.

Doppelganger: Seriously, don't you dare, Slander.

Herta's #1 Fan: Don't bother trying to fight the Aeon of Slander, Doppel. Bad things happen to you ;-;

Well, at least he had the spirit?

Dan Heng told March that he would be going to look for Arlan, which March agreed to. Which just left him and March alone with each other.

Deciding to ignore Caelus's words, March decided to just say, "Uhh, right! Well, you should have something to protect yourself, so this random baseball bat-looking curio should be fine, right?"

Caelus somehow looked more excited at the prospect of being able to swing a baseball bat, and March decided not to question it.

Giving him a thumbs up, March encouragingly said, "Alright, then let's go!"

Caelus Agenda Pusher: Alright new account created! New trailblazer on the horizon!

Rzack: Dude, you do this with literally any attractive person who is friendly with the Astral Express.

Caelus Agenda Pusher: And I'll be right one day!

And so, they began their trek towards where Himeko would be.


Caelus wasn't really sure what was actually going on right now. Sure, he got the basics, like he was in a space station filled with monsters. And he also had a bat to beat those monsters with.

But everything else, Caelus felt as though he accidentally skipped some dialogue.

What even was the Astral Express? Was it a train? It sounded like a train. Maybe he should've asked before they went on their whole journey and they became too busy with fighting to ask questions.

Yeah, maybe Caelus should ask more questions.

They ended up re-recruiting Dan Heng along the way, and helping the head of security, Arlan, to wherever they were going. So maybe it was a good time to ask a question…

Suddenly, they all heard the sounds of a giant blunt object hitting what was presumed to be one of the Antimatter Legion, which was immediately followed by ice shattering.

"What was that?" Caelus unintentionally blew his one question on something he wasn't really even that interested in.

"Oh, it must be one of Herta's dolls in auto combat mode!" Arlan replied, which perked Caelus's curiosity, "Though Herta isn't on the space station right now, her signal is too far away to be able to actually use the dolls, they still work automatically! They're probably defending certain sections of the space station!"

March nervously looked towards Arlan, "Uh, it won't attack us, right?"

Shaking his head, Arlan told her and the chat that March apparently had on her, "No, Herta's dolls are highly advanced! They're easily capable of discerning friend from foe!"

Well, that made Caelus feel better.

So, Caelus asked, "It doesn't matter then, right? Let's go."

They all agreed to keep going and moved forward, entering the area where the Herta doll was destroying minions of the Antimatter legion.

As soon as Caelus laid his eyes upon Herta, his world came to a halt.

Though it was only a split second for the rest of the universe, Caelus had gone through what was effectively 282 lifetimes.

Herta was the most beautiful person that Caelus had ever seen in his entire life, as short or long as it may have been.

With the perfect height of however tall Herta was, she was easily the most huggable person within the observable universe.

With her cute dress coupled with the silliest of hammers, Herta was clearly a woman of great intellect that would make any man swoon.

With a face so magnificently sculpted, it would make one think that a God had created her. Before, of course, they realized that it was just HER.

With her clearly displayed doll joints, it was clear to anyone who was lucky enough to gaze upon that the living perfection in front of her was not the real Herta. It only meant that perfection could be multiplied into multiple perfections, for how else could perfection could be replicated and still be perfection?

It was as though Caelus was barely a husk of a living person throughout all his life. But with the simple drink of Herta's exquisite form gently taken in by his eyes, he was alive again.

Herta was standing perfectly still. Not even sparing a glance at the group. She was surrounded by the crushed remnants of her enemies. Caelus would pay whatever Herta wanted to be crushed by her comically large hammer.

Even so, Caelus drank in her genuinely peerless form. He could already view the rest of his life with her.

He can see their first kiss.

He can see every smile.

He can see every time they would embrace each other in pure bliss.

He can see the 3- no, 4 kids that they would have together.

He can see the entire rest of his life he would spend together with Herta.

He can also see the hundreds of dreams and smut fanfiction that will emerge from this moment. But that was only natural, for this was his destiny that no other man could walk upon.

With all this perfection laid before his eyes, the fruit of the Gods bountifully laid out upon him, Caelus could only say one thing in response to the gift he's been given.

"Oh, that's my wife."

March's face fell like an anvil at his words, "WHAT?! YOU'RE HER HUSBAND?!"

Arlan looked politely confused, "Um, that's not…"

Even Dan Heng was flabbergasted, "Huh?"

March's chat was, of course, exploding.

Herta's #1 Fan: WTF? SHE'S MINE!

THE SLANDER AGENDA!: Call me Kidd because I got one-shotted by the basedness of this man!

Caelus Agenda Pusher: CAELUS STOCKS ARE RISING!

Doppelganger: OMG!

Rzack: Wow, he literally just wifed Herta?

Silencio: Drawing Porn as we speak.

Mirrond: Hey, whoever is making the Caelus agenda stuff, you know that this drops the stocks because he's more likely to stay in the space station, right?

Caelus Agenda Pusher: I TRUST IN THE AGENDA!

AlienAlienSpaceAlien: Wow, they're literally HIM and HER.

August 30th: as long as he's not with Himeko!

0bama: You know what? I ship it. All in on the Caeta stocks!

Wolfy (Mod): Welp, all hail Skryb, our new Aeon I guess. And Caelus too, while we're at it, for trying to go for Herta.

Foxian Wonder: Wolfy, who tf is Skryb? But yeah, all in on Caeta stocks!

Wolfy (Mod): Don't worry about it.

Caelus just looked at them confusedly for their reactions, "What? Did I say something wrong?"

They couldn't even respond. That was the level of absolute shutdown that Caelus's declaration put them in. It was as though they were knocked out by the strongest man in the universe.

So, Caelus shrugged and walked up to Herta, "Hey."

Herta's first words were magnificent. Caelus would remember it for the rest of his life.

"I am on autopilot. If you have any concerns or issues, please take it to Asta."

Caelus pat Herta on the head, smiling as he was given blessed reward of being able to touch her perfect body, "Okay. I love you!"

"I am on autopilot. If you have any concerns or issues, please take it to Asta."

With his conversation with his wife finished, Caelus went back to the group, ready with a refreshed mind to exit this situation alive.

After all, his wife was waiting for him.


Weeks later, when Herta was reviewing her dolls security footage, she would stumble upon the moment when Caelus first met one of her dolls. She was equally as bamboozled by Caelus's bold declaration of being her husband.

At the time, it was more evidence for wanting to keep him away with a pole preferably the size of the simulated universe. After all, what kind of deranged maniac looks at a doll and says "Wife."?

In a few years, she would amend her previous thoughts and think that it was slightly touching how Caelus immediately knew that they were just meant to be together. If still slightly weird that he would just say such a thing out loud in front of what was once a hundred, but was now billions of people.

But alas, Herta was into stupid people, even if she didn't know it at the time.


Author's Notes:

I woke up at 6 AM and wrote this in the span of 2 hours because I couldn't sleep because I was writing this.

Unfortunately, if I were to try and continue this right now, I would be writing 4 longfics at the same time. I'm good at writing, but not that good.

Therefore, the upload schedule for this fic is "Whenever I want." Which probably equates to a tiny chapter every 2-3 months whenever I have the time.

Anyways, this fic is inspired from MissDarth's Stellar Streaming fic, which was March doing the whole live streaming thing. Unfortunately, it got put in eternal hiatus 4 chapters in.

I don't really feel like adding in the tiny pictures as emojis and stuff like that, though. Too much effort.

This fic is just that idea, but mixed with my own style of derangement. So, myself as an Aeon to help handwave a bunch of stuff into or out of the story. And the Caelus/Herta ship because I love my twirling doll girl.

It would've been Caelus/March if March was actually good enough to be buildable :(

Anyways, I'm legally obligated to plug the Discord server I'm on here. If you want to beg me for more chapters, this is the place. Here's the code.

zu5a8gB7Ze

Also, if you're the type of person to join random discords on FFN, there's another Discord server filled with people desperately trying to boost their numbers. It's for a completely different fandom though, so just know you're there to make our member count look more impressive than it actually is. And that's the code below.

B6QVemUehg

A direct quote from someone who read this there: "What in the fuck are you writing. Bro burnt the kitchen down"

They're a bunch of fun guys.

Anyways, that's all I have from my end.

Good night. May we be blessed with more Caelus/Herta content. Or like, Herta content in general.

God, I need a 5 star Herta.