"It is well known he exchanged love letters with Kim Jong-Un", said Kamala Harris.
As she said this, Joe Biden slowly melted into tears, grabbing the remote and turning off the television. He couldn't take this anymore. Joe knew that Donald had feelings for the North Korean politician, but Donald assured Joe that he loved him more, that their love was more beautiful than anyone else's. And Joe had foolishly believed him.
Joe knew he had to accept the reality, that what he and Donald had was nothing, it was nothing but casual. It was heartbreaking, especially since Joe had dropped out of the presidential race just to keep their relationship a secret.
Eventually, the sadness began to mix with anger. What was so great about Kim? What the fuck did Donald see in him? Was it just because he was younger? Joe hadn't thought of Donald being that shallow, he was led to believe that the comments Donald made about his age in front of the cameras was purely for show. But did Donald actually mean those things? Right now, Joe was inclined to believe so.
Joe pulled a hundred dollar bill out of his pocket and proceeded to wipe his tears away with it. He then looked at the bill closely. On the front left side was Donald's phone number with the message, "call me later". Donald gave him the bill the first day they met and Joe had kept it on him ever since. Joe tore the bill into pieces before getting up and throwing them into the garbage.
Joe then pulled out his phone and called Donald, knowing it would go to voicemail.
Joe cleared his throat before he said, "Listen, I need to speak with you in person. Meet at my place tomorrow night at seven, okay?"
The former president spent the rest of that night eating from a three gallon tub of vanilla ice cream while sobbing to Chappell Roan. He then spent the majority of the next day looking at photos of Kim Jong-Un, silently cursing the politician for stealing his man.
Once the time came, and there was a knock on the door, Joe immediately pulled himself together and faced his soon-to-be-ex.
Donald stood there, looking as dashing as ever. "Hey, baby girl", he said with a smile, spreading his arms opens and pulling Joe into a hug. "What do you need?"
Joe pulled himself out of Donald's embrace. "I'm breaking up with you", he said nonchalantly.
Donald burst into shock and anger, his Cheeto orange face turning into a shade of Taki red. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I watched the debate"
"So?"
"I know you don't give a shit about me. Just admit it, I know you love Kim more than me, you always have."
Donald rolled his eyes. "Oh my fucking God. You're still on that? Babe, I've told you a thousand times that he means nothing to me."
"I don't believe that. In fact, how am I sure you aren't already together? That you haven't been fucking him behind my back?"
"You really don't trust me? Bitch, I'm risking my reputation just by fucking you. You really think I'm gonna add an extra hoe into the mix?"
"Oh yeah, that makes me really confident in our relationship right now. Honestly, Donald, just get the fuck out."
Donald exhaled through his nose in rage. "Sure, I'll fucking leave. Good luck finding someone else who'll want your flat dying ass you loser bitch."
Donald moved his hand onto the door to slam it but before he did, he said, "And by the way, me and Kim are fucking and he is soooo much better at giving head than you."
Once the door was shut Joe thought to himself, good riddance. He then pulled out his phone and called his good friend, Barack Obama. "Hey Barack".
"Oh hey Joe, everything alright?"
"Yeah yeah, so you know that threesome you offered with you and Harry?"
"Uh huh, you changed your mind on that?"
"Yep, meet me here in thirty?"
"Cool, we'll see you there."
Joe then hung up and smiled. Who's the loser now huh?
