Chapter 59: The Royal Ditz

A parody of the episode: Rule Of Dumb

A fancy dressed blonde woman walks up to the Loud house and knocks on the door. Leni answers.

"Hi, can I help you?" Leni asked.

"Good day ma'am, I am-"

"(gasps) I know exactly who you are!" Leni shuts the door and runs upstairs. She bumps into Lincoln.

"Lincoln help! She's onto me! I don't have much time!"

Leni runs to her room and comes out with her library books. She hides them under the couch.

"Leni, what are you doing?" Lincoln asked.

"Hiding my books!"

"Why?"

"I'll show you why!" Leni drags Lincoln over to the front window. "See that lady? She's from the library! She knows about my overdue books!"

The lady was checking the time on her watch. Lincoln gasped.

"I'm gonna get thrown in the big house!" Leni panicked. "And you know what that means?"

"Prison uniforms?"

"Exactly!" Leni cries as she buries her face on the ground. Lincoln comforted her.

"Don't you worry Leni! Your brother's got your back!"

Lincoln opened the front door as the lady was still waiting. "Hi there."

"Salutations. Say, aren't you related to that teenage blonde girl with the sunglasses?"

"What? Me? No. I don't even know the name of that alleged blonde girl. I'm sure Leni doesn't owe you any overdue library books." Lincoln covered his mouth when he realized he mentioned his sister's name.

"Well, it's too bad you don't know Leni Loud, because I'm from the Royal Woods ministry. And I have a gift for her."

The woman takes out a crown. Leni bursts out the front door.

"A gift for me? What is it?" She takes the crown and holds it upside down.

"Hmm...oh, I see. It's some kind of cooking pot."

"It's a crown Leni." Lincoln said.

"Indeed." The woman said and put it onto Leni's head. "Allow me to show you something."

She takes out a document and unties it. It shows people of royalty, also the Loud family. "What I have in my hand is a family tree that goes back centuries. It starts with the marriage of King Winston Sr. and Queen Jennifer. Then through a few generations, the crown is passed onto you Madam Leni, which makes you a descendant of royalty. You are a queen."

The lady puts the document away.

"And now it's time I ajore to the Royal Woods ministry where I shall be at your service, your highness."

She bows down and walks away. Leni looks confused.

"Wow Leni, that's great!" Lincoln said.

"What is?"

"That you're a queen."

"What's so great about being a queen?"

"When you're a queen, you can get anything you want."

"Anything I want? Ok. Let's do some shopping at the mall!"

"Your wish is my command, your majesty."

Lincoln and Leni enter the mall as Lincoln is dressed as Leni's servant and Leni has on a fur cape.

"Good towns people, let us rejoice in welcoming our new queen!" Lincoln introduced Leni as a queen to the people in the mall.

"Queen needs new clothes badly." Leni said.

Then Leni's boss, Mrs. Carmichael showed up. "What's going on-(gasps)."

She sees Leni wearing a crown and walks up to the two siblings.

"What can I do for you Leni?"

Lincoln answered. "The queen would like-"

"Zip it kid!" She shoves him away. "I'm talking to the rich girl."

"I'd like some new dresses," Leni ordered. "A new swimsuit, a new nightgown-"

"I've got a better idea." Mrs. Carmichael said.

Now Leni has a shopping cart full of new clothes.

"There you are Leni." Her boss said. "A shopping haul fit for a queen."

"Yay!" Leni said happily.

"Listen Leni, there's a time in every woman's life where she's got to settle down. You know, get a husband, kids, a mother in law you give all your money too."

Leni wasn't really paying attention. "Yeah, that's great. Hey, can I get another pair of sandals?"

"How about you pay the check instead?"

"Sorry Mrs. Carmichael, no can do. As queen of Royal Woods, I'm allowed to have anything I want. Isn't that right Lincoln?"

"Yep." Lincoln confirmed. "Anything you want and it's all for free."

"All free?!" Mrs. Carmichael kicked the two kids out of the mall. "Nobody buys clothes here for free! Queen or no queen!"

She walks off. Thicc QT walks out of the mall holding a smoothie. Leni approaches her.

"You gonna finish that?"

"I was planning to. Why?"

"I want it." Leni took her smoothie.

"Hey! What gives you the right to take my smoothie?"

"Tell her Lincoln."

"Uh Leni, I'm not sure if this is what a queen-"

Leni glared at Lincoln. "I thought you said I could have anything I want. Was my own brother lying to me?"

"Don't be ridiculous Leni. I'd never lie to you."

"Good. Now tell her!"

Thicc QT glared at Lincoln as he smiled nervously.

"Hi." He shows her the document. "By proclamation of the Royal Woods ministry, the queen is allowed to get whatever she wants."

"This isn't fair." Thicc QT walks away.

"Life isn't fair pal." Leni replied. "Get used to it."

Then Darcy walks by holding a box full of fashion magazines. "Yay! I did it! I bought all the newest fashion magazines with my allowance! Now my dreams of becoming a fashion designer are gonna come true. Mommy's gonna be so proud!"

Leni blocked her. "No she won't be because these fashion magazines are mine."

She took the box away from Darcy. Darcy got sad.

"But it took me days to get those!"

"Well now you can spend the rest of your days crying about it. I'm the queen!"

"I will cry about it! I'll cry to my mommy!" Darcy ran off crying. Leni laughed.

"I love being queen!"

Leni goes around town as a queen, taking people's possessions as Lincoln shows them the royal document. She even took a baby's pacifier. At the Loud house, there was a line of people waiting to give stuff to Leni. The house also looked more like a castle. Lincoln was at the front of the line taking the items.

"Thank you sir." Lincoln said to an old man, taking his walker. "I'm sure Leni could use this walker."

"Why does Leni even need a walker?" Rita asked as she was next to Lincoln.

"Beats me."

The old man fell over. Inside the house, Leni was sitting in her throne in the living room, reading a fashion magazine as Lori was painting Leni's toenails. The house looked fancy now.

"Hey Leni, I was wondering if I could use that indoor pool." Lori mentioned.

"Oh, of course Lori."

"Yes!"

In the garage, Luna, Luan, Lynn, and Lana were hanging out in the indoor pool. Leni entered the garage, wearing her swimsuit. "Hey you guys, out of the pool. It's for queens only. You guys use the kiddie pool in the backyard."

The sisters complained. Leni pointed her finger to the door and her sisters left disappointed. She went into the pool and relaxed. Lori came in with her swimsuit.

"Oh, I see there's more room for the both of us." Lori said.

"Actually, just for me. This is the queen pool for queens only."

"But you literally said I could use it."

"Well, now you can use the kiddie pool."

"But-"

Leni pointed to the door. Lori left angrily. In the kitchen, Lynn Sr. was making salad and the twins came in.

"Dad, I thought we having chicken nuggets for dinner." Lana said.

"Well, Leni is a queen. And as the queen, I have to make what she wants for dinner."

Lola growled. "Why does Leni get to be queen? I should be queen! I've always wanted to be a queen!"

The next day, Lola woke up and found herself sleeping in the hallway. "What the-what am I doing out here?"

Lana was also sleeping in the hallway. Lola went into her room and saw it was different, which surprised her. It was now a beauty salon.

"Wha-Wha-What's going on? What's happened to our room?!"

Lana woke up groggy. "Hey, keep it down."

"Lana! Look at our room!"

"Wait, why am I sleeping in the hallway?"

"Our room has been turned into a beauty salon!"

"No way!" Lana was surprised and went to look. "Noooo! Who did this?"

"Leni." Lola said as she narrowed her eyes.

Outside, some construction workers were tending to Leni's orders. They had made a statue of Leni and were setting it in the front yard.

"Back, back, ok, there!" Leni ordered.

The twins came outside and marched to Leni.

"Leni, what the heck?" Lola said. "Why did you turn our room into a beauty salon?"

"Because I thought you wouldn't mind."

"Well, I don't mind."

"I do." Lana said.

"But you kicked us out of our room! Where will we sleep now?"

"You can always sleep in the attic." Lincoln said. "Isn't that great?"

"No! It's not great, it's horrible! Ok, that's it!"

Lola turned to the town citizens. "People of Royal Woods, stop! Stop! Leni's no queen! Look at her! How can this dope be queen?"

Leni made a derpy face. Lola walked up to a construction worker.

"You! Do you honestly believe that air headed blonde could be the king of anything? Well, maybe the queen of fashion."

"You might be into something kid." The worker agreed.

"Yeah, see?"

The town citizens also agreed with Lola.

"Yeah, why are we giving this girl all of our stuff?" One guy said and the citizens walked off.

"See? You're not a queen!" Lola said to Leni. "And now they think so too!"

"Get her! Attack!" Leni yelled. The rest of the family came outside.

"What is going on out here?" Rita said.

"Lincoln, get Lola!" Leni commanded. "So I decree. Attack!"

"Uh, right away your majesty." Lincoln walked up to Lola, who was boiling mad. "Hey Lola?"

"What?"

He showed her a treaty. "Can I get you to sign this treaty promising your loyalty to Queen Leni?"

"Gimme that!" She snatched it. "A treaty huh? Well here's what I think of your treaty!"

She ripped it to pieces and stormed off. "I'm outta here."

"Well, at least I have my other loyal family members." Leni said. She turned to the family. "Loyal family, I have some more house makeover ideas that I'd like to be done."

"Oh, uh, actually, I have some errands to run." Lynn Sr. said.

"Yeah, me too." Rita said.

The other kids, except Lincoln, decided to follow their parents. The rest of the family wanted to get away from Leni for a while. They drove off in Vanzilla, even though they were still in their PJs.

In the living room, Lincoln was sitting on a chair as Leni was ranting.

"All my royal subjects have deserted me. And it's all because of that horrible Lola! This is all her fault! Not mine, hers!"

Leni's head crackles and a spring comes out.

"Leni, what's happened to you?" Lincoln said concerned. "This isn't the Leni I know."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Uh..(laughs nervously) I just remembered that Clyde and I were planning on going to the arcade today and-"

"And what?"

"And...it's just that..um...you're kinda being a jerk."

Leni laughs. "I thought you were gonna say I was abusing my power."

"Well, I-"

"WHO SAYS I'M ABUSING MY POWER?!"

Lincoln shrunk down in fear and ran away.

"I'll put the whole town in prison!" Leni rips off her cape. "Questioning my authority is treason! All these queeny speeches are making me thirsty. Lincoln, I request a drink...Lincoln? Lincoln!"

Lincoln was now gone.

"Oh, everybody's gone. I'm all alone...Fine! I'll get it myself!" Leni walks past a big mirror which showed her reflection was different.

"Knock knock." Said a voice.

"Oh boy, a knock knock joke!" Leni goes back to face the mirror. It shows Leni's reflection as an ugly monster.

"Who's there?"

"Me." Said her reflection.

"I don't get it."

"I'm you and you're me."

Leni's small brain was functioning and she got the message. "Aah! What have I become?"

Leni ran out of the house. "Monster! Monster!"

She bumped into the fancy blonde lady she met yesterday. "Huh? Oh, it's-it's you!"

She handed her the crown. "Here! Take this back! I don't want it anymore! It's turned me into a monster!"

"Oh, I think I know what's going on here. Leni, with great power comes great responsibility."

Leni was shaking in fear.

"You haven't got a clue what I just told you, do you?"

"Nope."

"Ah, just as well. I've come to take the crown back, as it would seem you're not royalty after all."

Leni stops shaking. "Huh?"

The lady shows her the document again, showing a picture of Lily. "Yes, I discovered that Lady Lily is the true heir to the queen's crown."

The family found out about Lily being the true queen and came back home. A crown was put on Lily. Lincoln and Leni were dressed as her servants.

"Well, would you look at that?" Lincoln said. "Lily, you're royalty."

Lily smiled with delight. "Poo poo?"