Chapter 60: The Stink
Here's a parody based on the episode: Something Smells
Today is Sunday. Lincoln was awoken by his alarm and he turned it off. Then he checked his calendar and looked at the viewers. "Sweet! Today's Sunday! And guess what I'm having for breakfast?"
Lincoln and Charles went into the kitchen. "That's right. A sundae!"
He got out a bowl and set it on the counter. Then he opened the freezer but it was empty. "Whoops. Looks like we're out of ice cream. Guess I'll have to use something else. Mayonnaise!"
He poured a jar of mayonnaise into the bowl. He looked inside the fridge for more ingredients. "Bananas, cherries. Boring."
He got a can of sauerkraut. "Sauerkraut!"
He dumped it into the bowl as Charles looked at the "dessert" with disgust. "Ok, just one more thing."
He checked the cupboards and saw one last peanut in a jar. "Only one peanut left? Charles, our peanut supply is empty."
Charles burps.
"Wait! I know one other place where we can find peanuts." Lincoln went to the couch and looked under the cushion. He found- "My peanut butter with peanuts inside. Why did I put this here again?...Oh, that's right. We ran out of space in the fridge."
He went back to the kitchen and poured the peanut butter with peanuts onto the gross sundae. The peanut butter smelled bad and it caused the sundae to smell even worse. The mayonnaise changed to a different color. "A little texture never hurt. There we go."
He took out a spoon. "This sundae's gonna taste great. Aren't you gonna help me Charles?...Charles?"
Charles has left.
"Oh well, more for me." Lincoln started eating his rancid sundae.
Lincoln finished eating his sundae and came out of the kitchen, looking stuffed and satisfied. The sundae gave him bad breath. Charles was seen in the living room.
"You know what they say Charles. I'm easy like Sunday morning."
His bad breath reaches Charles and the dog's eyes water up. He runs off.
Lincoln was now outside. "Ok, let's see my to do list."
He takes out a long list and reads. "Get ready for school. Arrive at school. Arrive on time for class. Wait, this is my Monday through Friday list. I need the one for Sunday." He takes out a small piece of paper. "Say hi to everyone in Royal Woods."
The white haired boy rushes off, letting his bad breath fill the air. In town, he greets a man. "Hello."
The man smelled his bad breath. He covered his nose in disgust and ran away.
"I guess he was running late for work." Lincoln said as he was oblivious to his foul breath. A mailman was seen walking by.
"Hi mailman."
Lincoln's breath reaches his nostrils and his face turned pale and wrinkly. Lincoln looked concerned but then noticed a crossing guard. "Hi Ms. crossing guard."
His nasty breath reaches her nose and she looks disgusted. "Mother of mercy!"
She ran off, leaving the kids to cross with her. A car was heard coming by and the kids panicked. Lincoln looked away as a crashing sound was heard. Then he saw a marching band parade coming by.
"Wow, a parade! Hi parade!"
The parade members stopped and noticed Lincoln.
"Hi tuba player! Hi drummer! Hi guy with the cymbals! Hi trumpeter! Hi tambourine girl! Hi timboley man! Hi didgeridoo player! Hi triangle player! Hi guy with the kettle drum! Hi pianist! Hi guy with the flute! And helloooo, Dolly!"
While Lincoln was greeting the band members, his bad breath formed a giant stench ball. It rolled towards the parade like a bowling ball and they were knocked over like pins. Everyone freaked out and ran away, leaving the white haired boy alone.
"Was it something I said?" Lincoln questioned. He walked through town. "Something weird is going on. Everyone's running away from me. And now, sewer mutants digging through the dumpster."
He saw something digging through a dumpster, but it wasn't a mutant. It was his little sister Lana covered in garbage. She shook the trash off. "Hey big bro."
"Oh, hey Lana. I'm confused."
"About what?"
"Everyone is running away from me for some reason. Watch." Lincoln walked up to a building. "Hi building."
Somehow, the building moved away from Lincoln. Lincoln went back to Lana.
"I just don't get it." Lincoln's bad breath went into Lana's nose, but Lana was used to bad smells so it didn't affect her.
"I don't either." Lana replied. "Maybe it's the way you're dressed."
We see a close up of Lincoln's clothes as he looks well dressed.
"Nah." The two siblings said in unison.
"Maybe it's your voice."
Lincoln chuckled for a moment. Then he looked serious. "Yeah right Lana."
"Well, maybe it's just because you're ugly."
"Me? Ugly?" Lincoln put his finger in his mouth, and used his saliva to slick his cowlick back, then posed to the viewers as a spotlight shines on him. "You've gotta be kidding me."
"Let's try the reflection test then." Lana got out a big mirror.
"Hi." Lincoln greeted his reflection. Even his reflection could smell his nasty breath. It took out a hammer and used it to break the mirror. It shattered into pieces.
"Ugly." Lana said.
"Oh no!" Lincoln panicked. "I can't be ugly! I can't be! I can't be ugly!"
Lincoln ran up to a couple. "Am I ugly?
They smelled his breath and climbed up a rope to avoid him. Lincoln got on the front of a motorcycle as a guy was riding it. "Am I ugly?"
His bad breath got in the guy's face. "My eyes!" He turned left and right, trying to shake Lincoln off. He crashed and Lincoln flew off and landed on the ground. A police officer came and put a ticket on the damaged motorcycle. A tire from the vehicle landed on Lincoln's face.
"I'm ugly!"
Later that day at the Loud house, Lana is in the bathroom unclogging the toilet. She just finished up. "Man, I thought I would never get this job done."
Lana exits the bathroom and walks downstairs to tell her family. "Ok guys, the toilet's unclogged!"
Her family wasn't here. "Guys? Hello?"
She checked the dining room and the kitchen, then the garage and the backyard. She goes back to the living room. "Hmm...where did everyone go?"
Then she heard organ music playing upstairs. She walked upstairs and heard the music coming from Lincoln's room. She opens the door and sees her brother in the dark. He's playing Luna's old keyboard while his back is turned towards Lana. He's also wearing a cape.
"Lincoln?"
Lincoln turned around, revealing he's also wearing Luan's old Groucho glasses. He turned back to the keyboard.
"Go." He said depressed. "Run away like everyone else."
"Wait, where's our family?"
"I don't know. They left the house when they saw me."
We cut to the family driving in Vanzilla. They arrive at a store.
"Ok guys, we need to buy Lincoln as many breath mints as we can." Lynn Sr. ordered.
"Also, toothpaste and mouthwash." Lola added.
"Let's go." Rita said. And the family headed inside the store. We go back to Lincoln and Lana.
"No one would want to be around someone as ugly as me."
"Sure they would. It makes them feel better about the way they look. Maybe a story will cheer you up."
Lana sat on Lincoln's bed as the boy gave her his attention. "This is a story Lucy told me. It's called The Ugly Vampire."
Lincoln smiled, hoping the story would lift his spirits.
"Once there was an ugly vampire, he was so ugly that everyone died. The end."
Lincoln's smile went away and he was sad. "That didn't help at all. How long? How long have I been ugly Lana?"
"As long as I can remember, you poor ugly thing."
Lincoln grabbed Lana. "Help me! I'm so ashamed! I'm spiraling! I'm spiraling!"
Lana slapped him.
"Thanks Lana."
Lana was about to slap him again but Lincoln stopped her.
"I-It's ok Lana. Spiraling over."
"Just do what I do when I have problems. SCREAM!"
Lana screamed in Lincoln's face, getting saliva on it. "Come on bro, I'll help you."
Lana dragged her brother with her.
The two siblings were outside in the front yard.
"Ok now, say it." Lana told her brother.
Lincoln didn't say anything.
"Say it."
"...I can't."
"Lincoln, you're never gonna feel better until you get this thing off your chest."
Lincoln had a leech in his chest. "I know Lana." He pulled the leech off and tossed it away.
"Now say it...Say it."
"I'm ugly." Lincoln said in a small voice.
"You're ugly and what?"
"White haired?"
"No, proud."
"I'm ugly and I'm proud."
"Good. Say it louder."
"I'm ugly and I'm proud."
"Louder."
"I'm ugly and I'm proud!"
"Louder!"
"I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD! I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD! I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD!"
Mr. Grouse, who was sunbathing outside, heard Lincoln. "Is that what he calls it?"
"That..felt...great!" Lincoln said happily. "I feel empowered!"
"So what do you wanna do now?" Lana asked.
"Hmm...let's go see a movie."
At the movie theater, Lincoln and Lana were walking to the front row of the theater room. Lana has gotten two drinks for herself.
"Hey Lana, I'm glad I'm spending time with you." Lincoln said. "You were the only person who didn't run away from me."
"Well, I couldn't avoid my favorite and only brother."
They got to the front row.
"Excuse me." Lincoln said. "Ugly white haired boy coming through."
Lincoln's bad breath literally knocked two people out. They fell back into the second row.
"People respect self esteem." Lana said. The two siblings sat down in the empty seats. Lincoln looked at a woman on his left.
"Hi. I'm very ugly but you should enjoy the movie anyway."
His breath was so bad it melted her complexion and made her hair fall off. Lincoln felt uneased. He looked at a man on his right.
"Excuse me sir, I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you."
"Not at all boy." He smelled Lincoln's breath. "DEUUEAUGH!"
The man ran away.
"Don't worry about him Lincoln." Lana told Lincoln. "He's just a-"
She notices Lincoln crying.
"Lincoln, what's wrong?"
"I can't do this Lana! I've tried and I've tried but I'm not always as confident as I look! Maybe I should just go back home and hide."
This made Lana become angry at how everyone was acting towards Lincoln. She threw her drinks on the floor. "What is wrong with you people?! Afraid to look ugliness in the face? Well, here! Look at it! It's ugly, isn't it?"
Lana dragged Lincoln around and showed him to everyone in the room.
"You look at it!"
Hi." Lincoln greeted. Lincoln's bad breath made people leave.
"You look at it!"
"Hi."
"Look at it! Look at it! Look at it! Look at it! I want all of you to look at it!"
Everyone in the movie theatre ran outside.
"They all ran away Lana."
"I bet there's no line at the snack bar."
The two head to the snack bar. Lana called out for service. "Hello? Hello?" She turned back to Lincoln. "They must be on break."
Then Lincoln remembered something. "Oh, wait Lana, I just remembered. I've got some of my peanut sauerkraut sundae we can share."
Lincoln pulled the rest of his sundae out of his pocket. The smell burned Lana's eyebrows.
"That looks pretty good actually." Lana said. She ate the sundae and now she had bad breath. "Ooh, I gotta go use the restroom."
She ran to the restroom.
Lana was washing her hands in the restroom. She turned to a girl next to her that was washing her hands. "I'm out of soap. Can I borrow-"
"Stay back!" The girl could smell Lana's foul breath.
"I just wanted-"
"Here! Here's my money! Take it! Just take it and go away!" The girl ran away.
"My hands aren't that dirty. Or are they?" Lana sniffed her hands. She walked up to a group of girls. "Hey, you guys wanna hear a bathroom joke?"
Lana's breath reaches their noses and they gagged.
"Are you trying to kill us?" One of the girls yelled. They walked out of the bathroom, covering their noses. Lana looked in the mirror and gasped as she realized something.
"Uh no! I caught the ugly!"
Outside of the girls restroom, Lincoln was pacing back and forth as he was waiting for his sister. "What's taking her?"
He went up to the door. "Lana, are you doing alright in there?"
No response.
"I know I'm not allowed to come in there, but I'm going to anyway." Lincoln entered the women's bathroom and heard someone crying. He opened a stall to see Lana wearing a paper bag over her head as she sobbed.
"What are you doing there, Lana?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"And why is that bag over your head?"
"Why? Oh no reason. Except you gave me the ugly!"
Lana took the bag off and Lincoln cringed, even though Lana looked the same.
"What am I going to do now? I can't go out looking like this!"
"Just remember what we talked about. There's power in pride."
"That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me. I'm almost as ugly as you!"
As Lana was complaining, her breath reached Lincoln's nose and he smelled it. He gagged.
"I'm too young to be ugly."
Lincoln covered his nose. "Lana?"
"What's my family gonna say?"
"Lana?"
"Lola's gonna make fun of me for sure."
"Lana?"
"If the school finds out-"
"Lana?"
"I'll have to wear a paper bag over my head every day, and then-"
"LANAAAAA! You're not ugly. Your breath stinks. Really bad."
"Oh, what a relief." Lana said relieved as her nasty breath formed into the shape of a skull. Lincoln had tears in his eyes from the stench.
"Dang sis, what did you eat?"
"Some roast beef, a chicken, a dog biscuit."
"No, I mean just this morning."
"Some roast beef, a chicken, a dog biscuit."
"What else?"
"Well I had some of your sundae."
"Sundae." Lincoln realized the truth. He pulled out some more of his sundae from his pocket. "Lana, my sundae gave us rancid breath!"
"So we're not ugly?"
"Yes, we just stink!"
"Stink?"
The two siblings cheered. "Hooray! We stink! We stink! We stink!"
They ran around in circles and their rancid breath spread through the theater. It was so bad that it melted the theater down. They ran off. Mr. Grouse is seen looking through the window of a wig store. The kids go over to him.
"Hey, guess what Mr. Grouse?" Lincoln said.
"We stink!" Both siblings said as they hugged their elderly neighbor. Then they ran away happily.
"I stink! I reek!" Lana shouted.
"Smell me! Smell me!" Lincoln shouted.
Epilogue
The two siblings went back home. Lincoln found the front door was locked.
"Hey, the door's locked."
Then the family is seen through the window.
"Lincoln, you're not allowed in here until you take care of your breath." Rita said.
"Yeah, your breath smells worse than Lana's." Lola said.
"So what if me and Lincoln stink?" Lana said. "Is that really a bad thing? We stink and we're proud of it! We reek! We smell! We-"
"Ok, I'll brush my teeth." Lincoln said.
Lynn Sr. opened the door and let Lincoln in. He looked at Lana. "You might as do the same missy."
Lana sighed. "Well, it was great while it lasted."
