It took me a bit, but now I am back!
TW: Infidelity, betrayal, pregnancy, war, childbirth, death of children, body issues.
All with a (rather) happy outcome though, don't worry!
Disclaimer: I only own my adapted storyline.
Loss
The children – twins indeed – are born near the end of the campaign, a little bit prematurely but not dangerously so. However, it seems she has forgotten how horrible the birthing really is, or maybe it is truly worse this time - it's endless, and brutal. She can push, finally, but then, nothing stops. Everything goes on, and she is twisting in the sheets and crying. And the second one doesn't come, it seems to take ages and she is alone, even though Jaime and Cerenna are there. Both seem to get more and more desperate, too.
With half her mind Cersei wonders what will happen if she dies now. If they will cut her open and save her second baby. If at least one will survive. If Faramir will mourn her. If he is still alive.
But she doesn't want that. She wants to live. She wants her children to live. She wants him to live.
Finally, faint crying fills the room, but Cersei doesn't hear it anymore.
When she wakes up, a serious-looking midwife passes her the babies, two sons, and both are so little and frail, and they say they likely won't make it. Truly Eluréd and Elurín then, the little boys who died and disappeared. Cersei keeps holding them and holding them while her own eyes droop and their little breaths get slower and slower. She wants to stay awake, not miss any second, but she simply can't - her body gives out.
Well, she wakes up again, though, but it's no mercy because her sons do not - and they have already been taken away, and she screams and screams and screams for them until she passes out from exhaustion.
"There is nothing to cry about" is the last thing she hears.
Probably it's Cerenna. Like the seven hells there is, her world just came crashing down. She will never forgive them for that, for not letting her say goodbye, she swears.
~ o ~
When she returns to King's Landing, Cersei is merely a shadow of the queen she was before - she feels brittle and broken and she is sure it shows. But there is Joffrey to consider, of course, who surely has missed her.
Robert has won the war, she hears, but is less amused about the death of his sons. Faramir seems to be alive, too, just as Eddard Stark, but he doesn't send a missive – she only hears from her father that apparently, he has easily won the archery competition at the tourney in Lannisport that followed the end of the fighting. In for the money, she thinks, because he isn't truly interested in making a name for himself as a bowman. He knows he's that good, he doesn't need public praise, though he sure will take it.
Cersei wonders whether he will blame her for the boys, too, once he returns, not that it should bother her. Nevertheless, the thought does, a little, maybe because the compassion mixed with blatant disapproval she receives from every other corner already weighs so heavily.
She will look for him, she promises, once he returns if he doesn't come to her first - but that's when she hears the rumours: While she has been away, fighting for them, their children, almost dying, he has had a daughter from another woman. Another bastard, not quite Stark but enough to obviously be his, they whisper. How he came to have another lover at the side is a mystery to her, but she knows that he can be sneaky, he has proven it over and over again with her. Maybe a onetime thing, Cersei wonders, maybe a lady after a feast. Maybe a whore, maybe some serving wench from his household. She doesn't doubt the poor thing would have fallen in his bed - as he said once, he doesn't need force for these things, he is quite charming enough.
Robert and him finally return to King's Landing – as celebrated heroes. In fact, Faramir seems to be great, a little bit drained and more scarred but otherwise happy and glowing, no consideration of the children or of herself. He has disappeared out of her life, like smoke.
Well, she thinks, that's it then, she will simply go on without him - when a maid drops a comment about his daughter. Not his second, though, histhird. It seems he actually hasfourchildren, not just three, perhaps all from different mothers, they say, and for a while, she doesn't know what to think. Then, surprise very quickly turns into fury: Their two beautiful perfect sons are dead, they are dead, their father seems to care even less than Robert, and if that isn't messed up, she doesn't know what is.
She bursts into his office, when, for once, he is at the Keep, not even sure what she wants to say, and not even Jaime can hold her back. Cersei can see how concerned her brother is, well she must seem half mad, and it fills her with a bit of satisfaction.
"How can I help you?" Faramir asks her calmly, as if he didn't just have two children with some random wenches. As if he hadn't ignored her for four weeks. As if -
"How could you?"
"Could I what?
She steps so close she can hiss at him, which means she is almost pressed against him, and he has to look up from where he is sitting.
"Have lovers on the side, just like that!"
There are things that can never be mentioned, things just as their own affair. Still, as she says it, Cersei notices how possessive it sounds, how much like a claim made by a true lover. Which she is not. He frowns deeply.
"I didn't."
"Don't lie! Who did you fuck on the side? Maids? Ladies? Whores?"
He just shakes his head, slightly annoyed and even confused, then slowly his expression becomes stunned and almost panicky. He jumps up, so abruptly that his chair falls over. Now they are standing almost nose to nose, and she moves back an inch.
"Cersei -" her eyes suddenly focus since he never uses her name, "Cersei, therewasn'tanyone else."
She should move back further, but she is like stone.
"But they say you've got two more girls."
"That is true."
"So -"
He cups her cheeks. She lets him. Why does she let him?
"There hasn't been anyone but you for years now."
The man in front of her sounds sincere, almost gentle. She blinks.
"What? But my sons -" her mind is sluggish from almost-crying, and she knows there is something she should understand but she really doesn't.
When Faramir just shakes his head, her brain finally starts to kick in. Two sons. Two daughters. But no twins. And yet.
There is nothing to cry about.
The line sneaks back into her thoughts. Before she knows what she is doing she has already slapped Faramir who only growls something about "always the same" and then she starts crying again. There is only one explanation and it's crazy and so very messed up and so very possible. He holds her as the tears drop down and she cannot pull away because then she would fall. So, Cersei sobs against his chest and feels utterly pathetic, but this is all too much, and he is so tender and so familiar, and he doesn't let go of her.
"I am sorry," she can hear him whisper, "so sorry. I thought you knew. I thought you were just angry I didn't tell you sooner. I am sorry, I didn't want to scare you that much."
He pulls her even closer, now both arms wrapped around her.
"Breathe, Cersei, all is well. They are fine. Really. They arefine."
"But they are twins -"
"- and look different enough to pass them off as singular children born at different times."
"I saw the boys die."
"The boys were never boys to begin with," he whispers against her hair, "only the bodies we exchanged them with were. And our girls only breathed very very slowly, they didn't die."
Our.
"How?"
"Poison of a sort."
"Who?"
"I organised it and passed it to Cerenna. You give that girl far too little credit. She is devoted to you, actually figured all of it out on her own and approached me. You see, you gave her a position beyond her dreams, and she very much wanted to repay the favour."
"You could have killed the children."
"True, there was a small possibility. But they are both Starks in looks, so Robert WOULD certainly have killed them. So, I took my chances."
"You didn't ask me."
"I can't remember you asking me about Elwing either."
"So, this was about getting even?"
"No. But it certainly was a nice side effect," Faramir, that bastard, shrugs.
He pulls back to look at him.
"I hate you. I truly do hate you."
He gently wipes her tears away.
"I know. That's okay."
~ o ~
King Landing settles into a new routine, or rather, into how it was before, only that Cersei loses her role as representant of the city. It's a punishment of some sort, for losing the children, even though that is ridiculous. Even if the deaths were true, there is nothing she could have done. But Robert doesn't care, motivated by Jon Arryn and Arryn's bad conscience they punish her.
Cersei hates it, but she would hate it even more if something had happened to the children, so she bears it with a straight back and a fake smile. Maybe it will get better. She only needs to give Robert another child. Should be easy, right?
Well, it's not, though she also doesn't fall into Faramir's bed again. That's over, Cersei tells herself, after the stunt they had to pull and the one he pulled on her - no, thank you,not again. Truth be told, she would like to see the girls, at least once, but half a year passes, and it never happens. She only ever hears of the two, Berena and Aredhel. Both have obviously Northern names, as she had suspected, but he at least offers to change them if one of them truly displeases her. She cannot say they do, they are story names as well, and they are quite pretty, despite the Northerness.
The girls grow up outside the city at a small keep, well, rather a fancy house than a keep, and Faramir shuffles back and forth between his four kids and court. It seems stressful, a lot of time in the saddle, but it's worth it to him.
Of course, people talk and gossip, wonder whether the girls are so ugly he can't bring them to court, or whether he is finally too embarrassed about his missteps. Others claim to know the King or Lord Stark have forbidden their presence at court, though that is utter crap, of course: Nobody challenges Faramir, his reputation as an honourable man protects him. Despite three bastard daughters, he isn't known for betrayal, and no offences have brought forward. No husband has been cuckholded (officially), no father complained. The children are claimed and taken care of - some will take offence at that, others applaud it. His trustful fraction at court stands with him, his spies follow him, and money does the rest.
Fact is, he doesn't want his children to be in the Keep, so they are not. But he loves them, she is sure of that. They are his weakness, his Water Wolves, as they are called now. They might be hers, too, if she knew them, so maybe it's better that she doesn't.
~ o ~
Later, people will say it was her fault - of course they will - and well, maybe it is. If she hadn't started that thing with Faramir, she hadn't fallen pregnant. Then she wouldn't have had to hide the children. Then Robert might have reacted differently. On the other hand, though, he has been out of her reach for a very very long time, despite all her tries and reasonably good intentions. He isn't a good guy, so one cannot really blame her, right?
Aside from that, he thinks he can do whatever he pleases, further emboldened through his victory against the Ironborn. Nothing can bring him down, it seems, the shining strong king with the roving eyes. Cersei has noticed his interest in that new Tyrell chit ever since she has come to court a couple of months ago. She wonders why - she isn't even that pretty. But she saw the king, threw her thorns into him, and started her work, most likely all instructed by her mother, the infamous Olenna Tyrell. At that point, the queen had still fought it with all her might - despite Faramir and the pregnancy - but it had all been in vain. Nothing to be done, against this young rose, especially with her carrying the baby weight. Cersei knows she should seduce Robert again, but she also knows that she certainly still strikes the less attractive figure.
The first time though when she notices that something truly serious is going on is when Robert suddenly calls her father to the capital - nothing he would do if he could avoid it. It fills her with dread, because what if Tywin sees something in the children, some resemblance, some inheritance? But maybe he won't even meet them, she thinks. Faramir is surprisingly relaxed, he tells her to only worry about it if it ever happens. For now, the children seem unsuspicious enough. Still, she can see that underneath the shine he is worried, too, and that worries her in turn.
~ o ~
A couple of days later, they meet in a private solar, and it's only Robert, Jon Arryn, her father and herself. She enters the room with poise, and yet she feels a chill of unease as she catches the king's eye. There is something different about Robert's gaze, a steely resolve that sends a shiver down her spine. What has he found out? Is it the children? What can make him suddenly seem so serious and less jovial, so ... kingly?
Dread settles in her stomach, when the door opens again and Faramir enters, impeccably dressed but clearly just come in from one appointment or the other. His eyebrows rise as he spots the Lannisters, apparently, he hadn't been informed about their presence. This is getting more and more confusing - she hopes that Robert only needs more money and wants to discuss secret loans. Strangely though the presence of the Master of Coin is slightly calming her racing heartbeat. She tries to keep her face impassive as the king clears his throat, then looks at her father - his eyes move over her, but still, he looks straight through her. Faramir is ignored altogether.
The silence seems to stretch endlessly.
"Lord Lannister, unfortunately I must inform you that I have come to some very hard but urgent conclusions. For the good of the realm and for the good of House Baratheon, I must unfortunately set your daughter aside as my queen. It is nothing I take lightly, but it cannot be helped. The realm needs another heir -"
Cersei feels as if the ground has dropped away beneath her. She probably even gasps.
"What? You can't be serious!"
Jon Arryn tsks at the informal address, but Robert's eyes harden further, his tone now unyielding. For the first time, he addresses her directly.
"This marriage has brought us nothing but misery. Your constant scheming, your lack of breeding... It's time for a change."
Tears prick at Cersei's eyes, but she forces herself to stand tall, even though she is shaking.
"You think replacing me will solve your problems? I have done great things for this city. I have given you your heir, and there is still time to have more children. Setting me aside - no, you don't want that!"
Robert's face softens for a moment, but he quickly steels himself.
"You have played around, filled a position that shouldn't even exist. You have spent the crown's money on silly little projects. You have lost three children, two boys among them. One child you didn't even tell me about! But I know! So, I have made my decision."
Cersei's mind races. The humiliation, the loss of power... She meets her father's eye, and Tywin Lannister's face is a mask of fury. But he is quiet, too quiet.
"Set her aside? Your own queen, who has given you an heir, the crown prince? This is an outrage, your Grace. My daughter is a Lannister and the mother of the king to come. You can not simply cast her aside."
Robert now turns to Tywin, his voice firm.
"I am the king, and I will do what is necessary for the good of the realm."
"To appease the Tyrells, you mean?"
"For the good of the realm. This is not open for discussion. I simply found it prudent to inform you before the public announcement."
"You are aware this will come with great repercussions?"
Robert - that arsehole - only raises an eyebrow.
"Which are? You want your grandson on the throne. Rest assured, Joffrey will remain the heir, this is not about him. Besides, you are too careful for a war - don't pretend otherwise. And -" now his smile turns downright cruel, "you like your daughter not quite as enough to go to war for her. Especially not if you hear my full offer."
Cersei thinks her whole insides are frozen - mostly because Robert is, for once, right. There is nobody (aside from Jaime, maybe) who would fight for her, Tywin Lannister included, if the price for their silence is high enough. She is scared and she is so so angry, and she cannot think, even though something in her screams that she has to.
Jon Arryn steps forward.
"My Lord, if I may. The proposal is to ensure that Lady Cersei is not without honour or place. She will marry a lord who can offer her the respect and the status she deserves."
A price, once again, carded aside and exchanged between men. Even in her panicky state she finally understands - Robert wants her away from King's Landing, away from court, and is at the same time a try to appease Tywin and his wish for connections. Her eyes dart around until they settle on Faramir who keeps leaning against the wall in a deceptively casual gesture. His face is almost blank, aside from a small scowl which might be amused, or annoyed, or confused, or everything all at once. But Cersei has trained with him, and she can read the other signs. She knows that every and all muscles in his body are tense, he is in fight-mode, fully alert, and ready for whatever Arryn and Robert will throw at him. Then he sighs.
"Your Grace - may I ask though why I am here?"
Robert seems to be a mixture between gleeful and worried, while Arryn only looks annoyed, as always when he has to deal with the younger Stark.
"Well, we consider you the perfect candidate."
Wait - did she hear that correctly? Marrying Faramir? That can't be right. That must be a joke. But Robert seems serious.
Her father splutters.
"This is preposterous. You expect my daughter to marry a mere third son, with nothing to his name, after being queen?"
She doesn't look at Faramir, but she imagines he flinches, but for once, it doesn't make her want to gloat. Arryn clears his throat.
"That would be rectified, of course. He would be granted Moat Cailin as his seat, making your daughter the Lady of Moat Cailin. That keep is a vital position, one that will ensure the North remains secure. It's also the second highest standing in the North."
The North. Away from King's Landing.
Here is the thing: She doesn't like this Stark man, in fact, most days, she loathes him. He also treats her well, like a human being. She cannot trust him. He has become her partner. She wants to remain the queen. She still wants his body. She wants to remain in power. She wants to remain - thought over thought is running through her head, so much she cannot think clearly anymore.
For a moment, Cersei wonders whether Faramir is in on all of this, but when she looks at him, at least he seems confused and taken aback, as if he truly had no idea.
"So - may I assume this means my services as Master of Coin are no longer required?" he asks slightly sardonically.
"You should be grateful for that honour!" Jon Arryn exclaims.
"Oh, indeed, I am," he assures the Hand of the King, "though, please, explain it to me again: Will I get Moat Cailin in any case, since you want a new Master of Coin - Tyrell, I assume - and no trouble with Ned, or is the Moat connected to marrying her Grace, the queen?"
Jon Arryn is quiet for a moment, obviously not expecting to be questioned.
"Well, I assume it is a general appointment then," Faramir concludes, "very generous, thank you, I am honoured."
He sounds everything but, and Cersei remembers, just for a moment, that he has hardly ever lived in the North, that it isn't even truly his home, despite his family name. King's Landing is his place, and Robert is kicking him out like a dog. Is kickingthemout.
His eyes find hers, and they are endless, and she cannot read all of it, the only thing she clearly sees is determination. He is determined to - what? What is it he wants? She doesn't know.
Think, Cersei, think!
The children, she suddenly realises, the one thing he cares about most, more than his work, his home, more than anything else, it's the .
Children that could grow up in relative security up North, children she could get to know if they married. Which would likely mean giving up Joffrey. Though, does she have a choice?
She can complain and rage, but even in the unlikely case that Robert relents and keeps her as queen, what kind of life will it be? She will only be something he doesn't want, and he will make her feel that over and over again. Can life with Faramir be truly worse?
So, this is it, then,she thinks.
"What are your intentions, truly?" her father suddenly interjects.
"Stability, Lord Tywin. By moving Lady Cersei to the North, we can ensure there are no factions forming around her in King's Landing. It is also no lie that Moat Cailin is in dire need of new leadership and a ...uhm... female touch."
"Meaning, it needs repairs at every corner and His Grace his hoping the Lannisters might want to support their lady - financially," Faramir adds helpfully, though not without irony.
"So, let me summarise, Lord Hand: The North? A crumbling keep in the North as the third - well, nowsecondStark's wife? That's your idea of status?" Tywin bites out.
"As I have mentioned, she will be the second highest ranking lady in the North."
"I am the highest ranking lady in the realm now! Do you think this has any appeal?!" Cersei almost screams.
She might have decided that she might consider potentially marrying Faramir, but she is still insulted by the assumption that it is in any way an appropriate status.
"I don't want to," she declares once again, "so what if I refuse?"
"Cersei, this is not a request," Robert declares, "and as I said, you will have all the respect and status you deserve as Lady of Moat Cailin."
"But I don't want to marry her either!" Faramir adds.
"As my subject, you don't really have a say in that matter," Robert declares.
It takes Faramir quite a while to answer, and she is fairly certain it is mainly to piss off Arryn, and maybe her father, just a bit.
"If you say so, Your Grace." He turns towards her. "Your Grace, it seems we do not really have a choice. But I promise, I will do everything in my power to ensure your well-being, my lady. You have my word."
There is a slight twinkle in his eyes that tell her something is coming, something big - and he is asking her to just go with it. It is the same look they trade before rushing into council talks, only that this is far, far bigger. This is their own life.
"Your Grace, there is one thing though," he addresses the king. "Given the change in status and situation you are proposing, I would ask you to legitimise my children - and my ward."
For a moment, there is silence, and then a lot happens all at once. Robert huffs, Arryn looks down his nose, Tywin turns a pretty shade or red, and Cersei is torn between fury and elation. Hopefully, the fury shows on her face, she thinks, because the elation would be hard to explain. Names for her daughters is more than she would have dreamt of - but the Sand-boy, really?
"Do you want to insult me?" she bites out, and she hopes he gets what she means.
That child with Ashara Dayne, heir in line before any they might have together, and he hasn't even claimed the boy until now! For once, her father seems to feel quite the same about it. He obviously wants to say something, but the Stark is quicker.
"No, I don't," Faramir explains calmly, "but I won't make differences between my children."
"So he is yours!" Robert exclaims.
Faramir shrugs. "Well, if you grant him a name, I will claim him, otherwise not. It's the wish of the Dayne family."
Robert is still laughing.
"Well, you truly can't keep your hands off the ladies, Lord Faramir," he tells him.
Cersei wonders whether he actually thinks about how badly he sells his little project right now. But then he just waves his hand. "Alright, alright. These children can be Starks, all of them, but you have to sort out the mess among yourselves, I don't want any trouble!"
The lady almost snorts. Her father, who has been terribly silent until now, nods courtly.
"Very well. But know this, your Grace, and Faramir. If any harm comes to my daughter or my grandchildren, there will be consequences."
~ 0 ~
She knows that she will find him on the rooftop, and it's scary that she knows him so well. He is a dark shadow, as usual, but he doesn't move to touch her, which is indeed ratherunusual.
"I haven't seen you up here in weeks," she tells him.
He hums. "True. I don't stay at the Keep that often, probably that's why."
There is an odd silence between the couple, maybe because there is so much to say that they do not know where to start. She sees him swallow.
"Cersei, I - "
He stops himself and curses under his breath, she is certain she hears "seven hells" and something about the Others who may take Robert. Then he sighs.
"I know you hate this. I can't blame you, though, to be honest, I don't think you much enjoyed being married to Robert."
When she wants to argue, he just gives her one of the Faramir-looks that make her shut up. Because he is right. The unhappiness (amongst other things) pushed her into his arms, and they both know it.
"For what it's worth, it's not what I wanted either."
"You don't want to marry me?"
Even now, she can't help but challenge him. He snorts.
"Are you serious?"
With two steps she is close to him, right in front of him, actually.
"You were happy enough to fuck me, though."
She has hoped that this would push him off-kilter, maybe enrage him, or fluster him. It doesn't. Probably because the thought has crossed his mind before.
"Oh, truly. Certainly. As you very well know. But this is something different. This is a different game, with different rules. New rules, rules I am not fully certain of yet. Even away from King's Landing, it's going to be dangerous, especially at first. There is no guarantee Robert has any intention of leaving us alive. Besides, Moat Cailin is a mess, and my brother, who resents me for the way I live my life, will be the liege lord. I have four children of questionable parentage whom I need to protect. I can only pray they will continue to favour the Stark-side. I can also only pray the North will accept them. Well, and even if anything goes as planned - it's the bloody North, winter is always coming!"
Suddenly, his hands are on her hips and his lips are hovering over hers.
"Kitten, what I truly,truly, do not need is a liability. And you, my dear, are a huge one. I don't have time to watch my back with you if I have to watch my front all hours of the day with anyone else."
Somehow, that stings, in a totally different way than Robert's betrayal does. It's stupid and it shouldn't, but -
"I didn't think you hated me that much."
He laughs, it's a bit bitter, but also maybe even a bit fond.
"I really don't hate you, Kitten, just as you don't hate me. I am thinking just as little about throwing you off this roof as you consider doing the same with me. In many ways, we are quite the same, you and me. I still believe I have the better character, but that's a debate for another day. The point now is, I don't trust you, just as you don't trust me. But if we are honest with each other, just this once, the truth is Robert fucked us both over. In that we are even. And we don't have much of a choice in what happens now, at least at first. One way or another, we will end up North or a couple of feet underground. I personally prefer North. Moat Cailin is not ideal, but what they don't see, is that it's also an opportunity. It's an opportunity to build something, to start something." Faramir swallows. "But we will be in this together. And neither of us can do this alone. Besides, this is going to be the seven hells at first, and we cannot waste energy on fighting amongst ourselves. So - as my wife, I want you as my partner."
Cersei raises an eyebrow. "I thought you don't trust me?"
"I never said it was smart. But I prefer the demon I know to the demon I don't."
She whacks his arm, but he's right. Better him than some other unknown variable. Cersei wants to scoff at the word 'partners', but find she can't. The only thing -
"I was a queen, Faramir. And now I'm to be a lady of a distant keep? A crumbling one? This is ... how shall I bear that?"
"Because you have to. Because you don't want to give Robert the satisfaction of seeing you break." Even in the dark she sees that his eyes get this sparkle, the slightly dark one that always makes the warning bells in her head ring and her heart pound at the same time. He starts to play with a strand of her hair, though he seems anything but distracted. "You see, I am sure my brother is somewhat in on Robert's plan. I don't know in which capacity, but at least so much that he agreed to not complaining. Given this evidence, I wouldn't feel so bad if suddenly Moat Cailin was to become prettier and more popular than Winterfell. It's not going to be easy and it's not going to be cheap, but it's possible. We have the coin, and we have the will. "
She can feel her lips quirk up a bit - unfortunately - because this slight deviousness, it's addicting. Probably one of the reasons for -
"- the children," she hisses.
He blinks. "Of course. It's probably the best thing that can happen to them, at least security-wise. Maybe also treatment-wise."
"But I will have to leave Joffrey."
"Most likely, and I am very sorry. More than sorry. But I am afraid this is the one thing where I cannot do anything."
"But instead have four others legitimised and mess everything up!"
"What would you have me do? This is the one chance we will ever have where we have some sort of leverage against Robert to get something, and I, for my part, while I am more than happy to raise them as my girls without a name, would prefer them to be Starks and save and secure, at least comparably. And so should you, Kitten."
"Though you want the Sand-boy legitimised, too."
Faramir sighs. "Ellard is not stupid. He can see the resemblance - he wonders anyway, I am sure. If I have Robert legitimise the girls, but exclude him, that is unfair and will only cause resentment. I won't do that to him! Cersei, that is not up for discussion."
"You are aware he will be fourth in line for the North, are you?"
"For now. Unlikely it will stay that way. Besides, I thought you didn't care for the North and Winterfell."
When she doesn't answer, he sighs again, deeply. "Kitten, damn your Lannister pride." Then, one of his palms is on her cheeks and he gently holds her face. "What if we start a new line, a cadet branch? What if we start over as the Starks of Moat Cailin? That would put Ellard as fourth in line for Winterfell, but any child we might have together could be first in line for Moat Cailin."
"You just assume there will be children?"
"I don't assume anything. Besides, me thinks the lady dost protest a lot."
He brushes his lips over hers and she can feel him smile because damn her body, she is swaying towards him, towards the familiarity and warmth, the tenderness, the calloused, gentle hands, the pine-tree and forest smell that always seems to hang in his hair, no matter what he does.
"I just point out an option, since you oppose me legitimising my son."
Cersei turns in over in her mind.
"So, you swear to scorn your oldest son, the son you have with the woman you loved -" she asks, just to make sure.
Faramir nods.
"Why would you do that?"
"It's quite easy. I want to be happy, comparably. I want my children to be happy. You might be surprised, but I even want you to be happy. And if that is what it takes, then I am willing to give it to you, even though it might make things messy further down the road. There is no perfect solution. Or rather, I guess that ship has long sailed."
He grins a bit wryly.
Cersei is silent for a moment, then looks away.
"I don't know if I can ever be happy again."
"Were you ever, though?"
When she whips her head around to clap back, she sees the sparkle in his eyes again and knows he had preyed for exactly that reaction. When he takes her hand though, his voice is gentle.
"Then let's start with being content. Let's start with respect -Ithink that would be possible. What do you think?"
She shrugs, but she cannot deny the truth in his words. Respect - something very few people have truly shown her. Something he has always shown her, in varying degrees, even when he is a scoundrel. So, Cersei considers it, but there is still another thought in the back of her mind.
"You know - I never had a chance with Robert, I see that now. He has always loved a ghost, and she left a hole in his life. Will it be like that again with you?"
Cersei hates how vulnerable she sounds, but she better knows from the beginning, better goes into this with her eyes open. There is no love lost between the two of them, and yet she still wants to be his only wife, in his mind as well. It's probably a pride thing.
"Let me tell you a story," he starts, "there was a young warrior, very insecure but eager to learn, who met a girl, just as insecure as him and beautiful and deadly and sharp like a dagger. She was horrible and he didn't like her and still she fascinated him from the beginning on. They passed in and out of each other's lives for years, until one day, the warrior met a Southern girl with laughing purple eyes. She was beautiful in a different way, and she was light where he was feeling heavy, and she was exactly what he had dreamed about all his life: She was warm, but not burning, and she gave her love freely."
Cersei shuffles, but he holds on to her.
"I am not finished! He loved her dearly, with the eagerness of a first love that didn't know any better. He wanted to give her the world, and the world took her. It ripped his heart to shreds, and he thought nothing could ever fix it. And nothing ever did. That innocence -" he stops to wipe a hand over his face, "that innocence was slipping anyway, but then, it was gone. Replaced by something darker. Something she wouldn't have liked to begin with, most likely, because she was sun without shadow. But there was this other one, the furious girl, who ripped him out of his hole with her taunting."
He shakes his head a little.
"I loved her, and I still do. I probably always will, in some way. I love my son, he is a wonderful boy, but he is also someone she left me, someone to treasure. Otherwise, there is not much left of my heart, I am afraid. But it doesn't makeyouanything less. And besides, I have given up denying that I desire you a long time ago, Kitten, I think you know that. You are beautiful, painfully so. But you are also smart, most days, and as I said before, that's why I want you as my partner. We've been thrown together by circumstance for all our lives, but we have always made something out of it. Let's try to make it something good this time - I would say we already managed that thrice, so it can't be too hard. Is that enough for you?"
The woman shrugs.
"It has to be, doesn't it? Though, one question - the last three years..."
"... yes. Only you."
"I suppose I have no choice, do I?"
They are still standing far too close, one of his hands on her hips, as if he has forgotten it is there. The other still holds her hand.
"We always have a choice. That's why I am asking you. Cersei of House Lannister, will you marry me?"
She sighs.
"Fine, yes, I'll marry you. But don't expect miracles, Faramir, I still don't like you."
