~.-_-.-~
To be yourself
in a world that is constantly
trying to make you something else
is the greatest accomplishment.
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Keigo & Grimmjow
Saturday 31st January / 1st February Sunday
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The words Grimmjow had said earlier that night had ever since kept a smile tugging at Keigo's lips. The knowledge alone that he would sacrifice his comfort for Keigo was quite honoring. And romantic. Throughout the ghost hunt, Grimmjow clung to Keigo and jumped at every small sound. He didn't scream like others around them, but he made small, cute noises every time he was startled, and his fingers would simultaneously tighten in Keigo's hand. It was sweet, and not at all faked, and he also had not complained or asked to leave early. And, honestly, Keigo enjoyed being the brave one for a change.

Now, they had made it back to Grimmjow's apartment and the date was coming to an end, and Keigo was feeling more confident with this new development. Not because he distrusted Grimmjow's confessions or his feelings, but because Keigo had distrusted himself up until now. After these two dates, he can confidently admit to himself that he is well and truly smitten with the bluenette. That little nervous knot of emotions surging with anticipation inside of him, igniting every single nerve in his body with electricity every single time their eyes met was all the proof he needed right now.

They had only just removed their shoes and jackets at the entrance of Grimmjow's apartment when Keigo found his back pushed flush against the wall. He only had a fraction of a second to be startled before his mouth, open in shock, is captured and he is effectively silenced by the taller man's lips. But what made Keigo catch his breath was the intrusion of a warm, wet appendage, expertly snaking into his mouth. He quickly melted into the almost aggressive kiss, all of Grimmjow's desperation bleeding into it with such fierce eagerness that it almost seemed like his life depended on it. Even though his heart was beating so fast that he felt lightheaded and thought he might pass out, the last thing on his mind was for this magical moment to end. Being here, in Grimmjow's protective arms, kissing him as if they needed it to live, was the only place he truly wanted to be.

And almost as swiftly as it had been initiated, Keigo felt the tremble pass through the bluenette and knew what was about to happen. He was about to back away and apologize and distance himself once more. In a panic, Keigo lifts a hand to tangle into the blue hair, while his other hand finds Grimmjow's hip. He was not ready for this to end just yet. The relief he felt when the kiss continued was almost overwhelming. It was less desperate now, but no less sensual, making Keigo's entire body tingle.

It wasn't until there was a very grumpy-sounding 'mjau' right next to them that Grimmjow backed away a fraction, only to lean his forehead against Keigo's. While his blue eyes were shining joyfully, Keigo was trying to catch his breath, wondering now if maybe the kiss was why he was feeling lightheaded. It seemed like his heart was doing loops while his lungs were trying to catch up. The only thing that kept him standing was Grimmjow.

"You alright?" The only answer Keigo was capable of giving is a slow blink of his eyelids, smiling at the tenderness in Grimmjow's voice. At the next grumpy 'mjau' Keigo let his hands fall to his side, and he stood there watching as Grimmjow squats down to Kishire. "I'm sorry for ignoring you, missy," he said as he picked up the large fluff ball and held her like a baby in his arms. "You gotta accept that kissing the pup is very important." Keigo felt his cheeks heat up. "Guess we gotta learn to greet the princess of attention first, huh." Seeing him with his cats melted Keigo every time, even though he was certain that was not a very manly thing to admit. "You sure you're alright?"

The repeated question and the worried blue eyes staring at him confused him. Why would something be wrong? He knows that Grimmjow wants to take it at Keigo's pace, but why must he be so hesitant? This is all new to Keigo, he both needs and wants guidance. It's not that he doesn't appreciate the concern, but he isn't used to being asked. It makes him feel like there is a lot of pressure on him. He needs to get used to opening up before being completely comfortable with these conversations. So he offers a genuine smile, because he truly is alright, and hopes he won't be asked again for at least the rest of the night.

"Yes." He can see Grimmjow's shoulders sink as if he had been tense until hearing that simple word. How could he not be alright? He is on top of the world! As complicated as everything is, at least while he is here with Grimmjow he can ignore everything else.

"Good." Grimmjow let Kishire down on the floor again before following the cat further into the apartment. "So what do you wanna do, pup? Play games? Watch a movie? Something else?" Keigo had been following up until that last part, which threw his mind into an onslaught of possibilities far from his innocent self. And way too inappropriate! This was not the time for that! But who can blame a teenager for immediately thinking of the dirty? That still terrified him, for that matter. Grimmjow must have noticed that Keigo had stopped, because he also now stood still, looking over his shoulder at the brunette. "Maybe you're tired and wanna go to bed?" Oh, on the tail end of Keigo's thoughts, that made his face blossom into a bright red shade. "I know it's late already, but there are many hours left of Sunday for various activities." That grin splitting Grimmjow's face told Keigo that without a doubt the older male knew exactly where his mind had gone. "Let's go to bed," he decided, the grin softening into a reassuring smile. "We can watch movies until we fall asleep."

"You know..." Keigo forced himself to say despite still feeling the heat radiating off of him. "One of these days, you're gonna give me a whiplash."

"Why is that, pup?" The innocent look he tried to pull off was not very convincing.

"You go from one hundred percent to zero, then back up to a hundred." And Grimmjow was way too proud of himself, flashing his teeth in a borderline predatory grin.

"What's life without a few surprises?" 'Less traumatizing,' Keigo thought. "Boring, that's what." But boring is also safe, and wouldn't give Keigo's heart an arrhythmia. "I just don't wanna forget myself and scare you away." And he is back to offering a reassuring smile. Being with Grimmjow is like riding a roller-coaster... "Now come on, let's get ready for a movie night. Before you standing there all adorably red like a tomato convinces me that you want me to devour you."

It was that night that the strangest feeling struck Keigo. A feeling he hadn't experienced before anywhere outside of his own home. And that was just what it was - the feeling of being at home. But he hadn't been at Grimmjow's home enough times to logically be able to claim that feeling. So as he stood there in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and looking at himself in the mirror, he wondered what had changed. Is it just a feeling that Grimmjow invokes in him? Is it the apartment itself? Is it because of the dates they have now been on, making the relationship feel more official rather than just a friendship gone awry? But he has heard people say that the moment they start to feel too familiar, the thrill goes away, and that is the moment they know it is over. This thought is still plaguing his mind as he exits the bathroom and stops in the doorway into the bedroom. He finds Grimmjow sitting on his bed, shirtless and otherwise hidden by the covers, wrestling with his white giant cat. Keigo smiles. No, the thrill is not gone. Every time he looks at Grimmjow he feels a stirring emotion that swirls throughout his body. An emotion he can't describe in any other way, that puts him on the edge yet is still intriguing enough to continue to chase.

"Gonna stand there and stare at me all night?" The question made Keigo's blush return with a vengeance. "I recall telling you I'll need your company after that ghost hunt, but I'm gonna need you to be a little closer to me than that." There was no hesitation in admitting his fears. Keigo should learn from that, and be more open about his own insecurities. But right this moment, it isn't about him at all. This is about Grimmjow.

"I will keep you safe," he promised, puffing out his chest and flexing his barely there biceps in what was most likely a pathetic display. But it made Grimmjow grin, so it was worth it.

"What you gonna do, fight the shadow man?"

A memory of a conversation they had a while back popped into Keigo's mind. He had asked about the dark walls and linens in the bedroom, and Grimmjow had promised that he would tell that story another time. But this was not the time to ask. The way Grimmjow had spoken that time like it was still a memory that plagued him, was enough to convince Keigo that it was to be respected, not made fun of or taken lightly. He wanted to prove that he would be there for him if he got scared for any reason because Grimmjow had done that many times already for Keigo.

"I will fight the shadow man," he promised as convincing as he could, which was rewarded with an appreciative smile, far less jovial than the moment had been prior.

"Get yer ass over here so we can get this movie night started."

Without further delay, Keigo unbuttoned the jeans, that he had almost gotten used to wearing, and pulled them off right where he stood in the doorway. The intensity of the eyes staring at him while he did this should have made him blush. Had this been just a few weeks, or even days, ago, he most likely would have made a run for the door. But instead of fear, he felt a thrill he had never experienced before. That someone would want to look at him in that way... It brought a sense of empowerment, that he, if he wasn't careful, might become addicted to. However, that bravery quickly dissipated, and he laid the jeans neatly on the bureau before he slid in under the covers next to the other male.

When Keigo opened his eyes it took him a moment to realize that the feeling of being restrained was in fact because of Grimmjow. He could see the blue hair because the bluenette was lying on Keigo's chest. A strong, heavy arm was laid over his abdomen, the lower arm tucked in between their bodies and holding Keigo's hand somehow, and his legs were hooked around Keigo's. Trapped. Well and truly captured. It wasn't the most comfortable way to wake up, but the brunette didn't mind. He was warm, cozy, and safe, and that's all that mattered. He didn't want to move, so he lay there completely still and silent, waiting for the other to stir. He wasn't sure how long that wait actually was because his mind drifted off into thoughts, startling when that morning-heavy voice rasped through the silence.

"Mornin', pup. What's with the war drum?" He shifted his head only to lay a lazy kiss on Keigo's chest, right where his heart was beating fast. "Sleep well?"

"Good morning." His face heated up from that tender kiss placed upon his racing heart. "Yes, I had a perfect sleep." He can't remember if he'd had any dreams, but he felt well-rested and happy to be where he was. "Did you sleep well?"

"Like a kitten," he purred. "I recall a conversation we had a while back. You said you wanted to get fit. D'you remember?"

"Uh, yeah." Where was this going?

"Thought we could head over to Ilforte's today. They've got a gym in their basement." That did not surprise Keigo. At least he knows that Ilforte is fit, and considering the size of their house they certainly have the space for it. And now that he had spent more time with Ilforte, Keigo assumed that he would not have enjoyed going to a public gym. It makes perfect sense. "If you want to. You can borrow shorts and a T-shirt from me."

"Okay." He could do that. Grimmjow went ghost hunting for Keigo's benefit. It makes perfect sense that Keigo goes to the gym with him if that is what he wants to do. Perhaps Keigo hadn't completely meant it when he said he wished to be fit like Grimmjow, but it would not hurt. "They won't mind if we just show up unannounced?"

"Nah, they're used to it. And besides..." He shifted so that Keigo could see his blue eyes. "They wouldn't deny me the opportunity to see you all sweaty and out of breath." The mental images flashing through Keigo's mind made his face hot - he could imagine the steam coming off of him.

When he was lying panting in a pool of his own sweat on the floor, that steam was most definitely real. And Grimmjow was having way too much fun in that gym. No wonder he is all muscles! But it wasn't just Keigo that was dripping. Even Grimmjow was sweating, which was mostly apparently on those green and blue markers under his eyes. Keigo had asked about them since he had never seen Grimmjow without them, and apparently, they are permanent skin markers, which do fade after about two weeks. Sweat seemingly makes them fade faster.

"You're not dead, are you, pup?" he asked with way too much glee.

"I will be tomorrow," he replied through huffed breaths. A hand appeared within his steamy field of vision, expecting him to hold on to it. He did, but his arms felt like heavy iron bars. Even his feet felt like concrete slabs when he stood up.

"That's why you gotta stretch out," Grimmjow pointed out, still pretty much unaffected by the exercise they had just done. The sweat was there, but he was still breathing normally and didn't look worse for wear.

Keigo stretched just like Grimmjow showed him, twisting his arms and legs in positions that were probably good for him but right now felt horrible. But while mindfully mimicking all of Grimmjow's positions, he failed to see those hungry blue eyes staring at him. But when he did notice, he felt like a snack in front of a starving man. It wasn't a bad feeling per se, but he had not been expecting it.

"I was gonna suggest we take a quick shower," Grimmjow said, his eyes roaming Keigo's body hungrily. "But I don't wanna ravage you in someone else's shower."

"Uh, hahah, you, uhm, what?" Keigo stuttered, imagining that he must be smoking like lava.

"Take a shower, pup." The grin he produced was predatory and cheeky. "I'll wait until you're done."

Keigo rushed into the little room next to the gym, face completely red now for two reasons. The exercises really had taken everything out of him, but the way Grimmjow looked at him was the biggest culprit. Not in someone else's shower, he had said. So... What would he have done if they were still at Grimmjow's?! Keigo was not ready for any of that yet, whatever it was that Grimmjow had insinuated. The very idea of intimacy was still not something that Keigo wanted yet. He could dream about it, fantasize about it. But that is where he would leave it for now. So he ended up taking a relatively quick shower, just in case Grimmjow changed his mind and came rushing in after him. As silly as it was, Keigo didn't want to be surprised in the wrong way and end up saying something stupid. When he got back out of the changing room, he found Grimmjow talking to Szayel, but they both stopped their conversation when he joined them.

"Ah, Kei-kun," Szaiel greeted, shoving up his glasses that had slipped a little on his nose. "Just the person I wanted to see."

"Me?" Confused, he watched as Grimmjow went into the changing room.

"Yes, you." Szayel placed a hand on Keigo's shoulder and started leading him down the hallway. "Come. Let's discuss this in the kitchen while you help me prepare our lunch."

And this is how Keigo found himself standing in Szayel's kitchen, making grilled chicken sandwiches. Honestly, it was so bizarre that it was unreal to Keigo. First of all, he had never expected that Szayel would cook. And secondly... Why was Grimmjow taking so long in the shower? Before Szayel had a chance to start the conversation he wanted to have, Ilforte walked into the kitchen and gave Keigo a quick hug from behind, since the brunette had his hands full of salad at that time.

"Hey, bro," was the usual greeting, but there was an added familiarity to the usual smirk. "Dates were a success?"

"Yes," Keigo beamed. "Grimmjow took me ghost hunting!"

"Really?" Both Ilforte and Szayel looked stunned. "He never wanted anything to do with ghost stuff in the past," Ilforte pointed out. "You must really have an impact on him."

"Yes," Szayel agreed. "Anyway," he shook his head as if to clear it before continuing. "Keigo, as you know, I am posting a magazine once per month. Now, normally when I hire a new model they will be interviewed. But our... arrangement was a little different from the start." While talking Szayel sliced up pieces of pre-grilled chicken filéts that by now was cold. "You have more than repaid me for fixing your bike, so I want to offer you a new deal."

"Oh-oh," Ilforte chuckled. "Careful what you agree to," he warned in a sing-song voice.

"Ignore him," the pink-haired male ordered readily. "You became quite a hit in my last magazine. People want to know more about you." Keigo's mouth fell open. They what?! Do they truly like the photos of him? "So I would like to offer you the same deal I offer to all of my friends. When I need you for my magazine, I will call you. I will give you a contract with a salary per work done."

"Uh, I... I guess so." A job?! He hasn't even graduated yet!

"Some extra cash is never wrong, right?" Of course not. Money is great! "Because of the influx of requests to know you more, I would like to set up an interview for you with the magazine publishers. I believe you already met Hisagi-san. He is our contact within the publishing company."

Hisagi... Grimmjow's ex. The latest one before Keigo. A man who had driven Keigo home from Grimmjow's birthday party. Ilforte's calculating eyes did not go unnoticed, so to avoid an awkward conversation about his lack of self-esteem Keigo simply laughed nervously as if it was the deal with Szayel that he was nervous about. But it wasn't, was it? No, he was nervous about meeting Hisagi again. The first time he had not known the man at all. The second time, in the bookstore, Keigo had known of his past with Grimmjow. But this time... This time Keigo is dating Grimmjow. Why does that make it feel strange? It shouldn't. Like Nnoitra had told him in the past - there is a reason why Grimmjow is no longer dating his exes. And he trusts Grimmjow. So why does it bother him?

"Okay, I'm in!" he exclaimed before anyone could read too deeply into his silence.

"Excellent! I will write you a contract and see if it is to your liking before you leave again today."

"What did I miss?" Grimmjow appeared in the kitchen, hair still wet from the shower.

"Oh, I offered Keigo a contract," Szayel replied off-handedly like it wasn't a big deal. Well, it was to Keigo. A job. A paid job!

"Ah, sweet." Grimmjow stood next to Keigo, bumping his shoulder to get his attention. The one thing Keigo desperately wanted to avoid was to show any sign of discomfort in front of Grimmjow, so he smiled brightly up at him. "A little extra pocket money for you."

"Yes, it won't pay as much as a full-time job, of course." Szayel finished preparing their lunch, placing a chicken sandwich each on a plate. "But that also depends on the demand. If our magazine grows, I will need you more often. And when you go looking for work in the future you can use me as a reference." That was very generous.

Keigo kind of drifted off as they sat down to eat. A job. Would his father approve? It isn't exactly the kind of job that his father would consider "proper". But does that really matter? It is extra money. And Szayel had offered to be a reference for Keigo in the future, which would be a huge benefit for him. But... That interview. Why does it bother him that the interview will be conducted by Hisagi? It is silly! But... He had compared himself to Ilforte too, hadn't he? But now, rather than comparing himself physically to Ilforte, he was comparing their circumstances. He has developed a fear that his and Grimmjow's relationship might end up the same way. 'Better friends than lovers', Grimmjow had said about his and Ilforte's relationship. What if...? And then there is Hisagi! He can't compare himself at all to him physically or mentally. From what little he had seen of the man, he was a serious and mature person - the complete opposite of Keigo. Let's not forget that he is taller, much stronger, and most likely more attractive to most people than Keigo ever will be. How does one go from Hisagi to Keigo? Again, he is not doubting Grimmjow's feelings! But he does not understand the development. Because he can not see what Grimmjow might be attracted to at all...

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Keigo
Monday, 2nd February
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Keigo arrived early at school. He had expected to be the first one there, but when he entered the music room, Shiro and Renji were already there. Both of them met him with matching grins, which made him take a step back in retreat.

"So how was your date?" Renji asked.

Keigo's world instantly came crashing down on him. He had told them that he was going on a date, and he remembered that Renji had seen Grimmjow pick Keigo up at the parking lot. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had held Grimmjow's hand in front of Ichigo! At the time it had seemed like a great idea. But now reality was catching up with him and beating him down to the ground once more. How many more knew?! What if it somehow got back to his parents?! Is this the end of everything? The band? The peace? Instead of being ignored, would he now be judged and hated?

"That guy was at the Christmas party, wasn't he?" Renji continued, apparently unaware of Keigo's panic attack. "He seems like a decent guy from afar. But if he gives you trouble, you can come to us."

"He..." Keigo's brain seemed to malfunction. "You..." He was so confused that his legs gave way under him, and he sank to the floor. They weren't judging him? "You're not disgusted with me?" The fact that he needed to ask spoke volumes of his lack of confidence. He heard it too, and hated himself for it. Apparently, he still has a lot to work on.

"Disgusted?" Renji frowned.

"Man, we don' care if ya like dudes," Shiro followed up, still grinning from ear to ear.

"It's not like you can decide who you fall in love with." Renji was still frowning, but Keigo didn't think it was directed at anyone else. It was almost as if the redhead was speaking to himself.

"Exactly! And the guy is a better catch than Rurichiyo." Shiro made a drum-roll that startled Renji out of whatever world he had been lost in, but Keigo was still glued to the floor, flabbergasted. "So, was it a good date?"

"I-it, uh... I-it was great." At that, Shiro ended the drum-roll with a hit on the cymbal, startling Keigo. This was the most awkward conversation in his entire life.

"Great, huh?" That grin was almost menacing. "Maybe we should try datin' older people too." 'Grimmjow isn't that much older', Keigo wanted to say but couldn't make his voice work.

"Let's just practice our songs." The frown remained on Renji's face as he played some accords on his electric guitar, but Keigo still did not feel like it was directed at anyone in particular.

The fact that neither Renji nor Shiro had anything negative to say served as a small boost to Keigo's self-esteem. At least enough to get him onto his feet. They didn't say anything else about the date, and, for a while, Keigo had forgotten about it. He forgot the panic that gripped his heart when Renji asked him about the date. He even forgot the relief he had felt when they were not bothered by it. An hour and a half later, he found himself walking between his two bandmates down the hallway towards the lockers, oblivious to the fact that eyes were watching him.

"See ya after school," Shiro called before he made a turn, followed closely by Renji, to head toward their lockers.

"Yes, see you later." They had decided to practice some more after classes were over because it was getting closer and closer to the end of the school year when they needed to have this down perfectly. However, when he looked up at where his locker was located, he found that several familiar people were already there and waiting for him.

All of his old friends stood there. Ichigo was there, frowning more than usual. Rukia looked fierce, staring at Keigo with such intensity that he stopped in his tracks. Was she angry with him for some reason? Ishida had a similar expression, and his eyes were more soul-crushing than Rukia's. A little off to the side, Sado and Mizuiro lurked, the latter uncomfortable and avoiding looking at Keigo. And then there was Orihime and Tatsuki. Orihime looked more worried than anything else, but Tatsuki came a close second to Rukia's intensity. This could only be about the date between Keigo and Grimmjow. Ichigo had told them, hadn't he? Even though they hadn't said anything yet, it felt like being punched in the gut. Keigo felt like he needed to puke.

"A guy?!" Ishida's piercing accusation shot like an arrow straight through Keigo's chest, filling him with dread and shame. "Not just a guy... A man! It is bad enough that you go and befriend them. Now you are dating one of them?!"

"He is definitely too old for you," Rukia added with a determined voice.

"He is using you, Keigo!" Tatsuki sounded so sure of that.

"Look, I didn't mean for this to happen," Ichigo said, looking annoyed. "I'm sorry, Keigo, I shouldn't have told them." No, he really shouldn't have.

"What do you mean 'too old'?" Mizuiro asked, still avoiding looking at anyone. "My girlfriend is-"

"That's different!" Ishida insisted.

They were all speaking almost simultaneously, overlapping and talking over each other, that the words all blurred together in Keigo's ears. But he felt every one of them like a punch. Is the age gap really that significant? Keigo is almost 18, and Grimmjow is 22. Surely that isn't that big of a deal? Or is it because Grimmjow is taller and acts more mature in public? Or is it because of Keigo's childish personality that they make this assumption? And more importantly... Is Grimmjow using him?

"How is it different?" Mizuiro insisted.

"Because she is a woman. If she wants to date a younger guy, it is her choice."

"I don't see why that is-"

"Guys, can't you just leave him alone?" Ichigo was asking, his voice breaking through Keigo's wall of despair.

"Ichigo, don't you understand?" Rukia directed her attention to her boyfriend. "We are trying to help him. Those guys we saw him with before, they are all bad news."

"Keigo is far too innocent to be hanging out with guys like that," Tatsuki agreed.

Keigo truly felt like he needed to puke right now. He could taste the bile. Especially now that he could hear the halls fill up with more students, and they would all hear what his old friends were saying. Everyone would know... Suddenly a hand gripped his arm and pulled, causing him to stumble after the figure that was just a blurry mess of colors. Was he crying?

"Shame on all of you!" That was a girl's voice. A familiar voice. The hallway fell silent around them at her sharp voice. "This is neither the time nor place for a conversation like this!"

He was so grateful for her appearance, for her bravery. Chizuru was becoming his guardian, and he couldn't even begin to express how much that meant to him. He let her pull him outside, taking him out on the plot of grass and didn't stop until they were by the large tree. Here she spun him around and looked him deep in the eyes that had cleared up a little at this point.

"Do not let anything they said get to you." She was fuming, but Keigo knew it was not directed at him. "Call him right now."

"W-what?!" His voice broke, tears still threatening to fall and his throat felt like it was closing up. There was no way he could talk to anyone right now. The bile was building up once more, and he almost doubled over right then and there.

"I know that right now you are processing everything that they said," she reasoned. "It will eat away at you, Keigo. That doubt inside you will consume you. The only one that can help you right now, is him. So call him."

"B-but he will be sleeping," he reasoned.

"He won't care," she insisted. "Call."

With the foul flavor in his mouth, Keigo pulled out his phone and dialed the number. He was trying to hold it in, but for each signal that went by he thought it would just explode out of him in a nasty waterfall of the remains of his breakfast that he'd had that morning. His heart was beating so fast he felt like it might break through his chest, and-

"Keigo?" The moment he heard Grimmjow's voice, his body went slack. Now sitting on his knees on the grass, tears spilling from his eyes, he felt a rush of relief. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing is wrong," he heard himself say. It was clear in Grimmjow's voice that he had, in fact, been asleep. But that he was instantly worried about Keigo was the only reassurance he needed.

"Who do I need to threaten?" The laugh that bubbled out of Keigo was unexpected, considering the circumstances, but there was no way that any of what Ishida, Rukia, and Tatsuki said was true. He shouldn't let them get to him like Chizuru had said. "Seriously, pup. Tell me what happened." The worry in Grimmjow's voice washed away all of Keigo's doubts. He no longer felt like he needed to puke, and the tears stopped falling.

"I just wanted to hear your voice," he chose to say instead of repeating the horrible things his former friends had said. It wasn't worth the energy or time.

"Okay." It was clear that Grimmjow wasn't convinced, but he wasn't pushing for details. "I can talk your ears off if you want. Tell you all about how much I miss you already and make a complete fool of myself for sounding so girly you might wanna check to make sure I'm not. Hmm, actually... That was a great idea. Why did I just randomly tell you? Damnit..." The mental images that filled Keigo's mind were so out there that he blushed hot. "I bet you're all red now, huh?" He knows Keigo so well it is almost scary. "Wish I could see it. You're cute when you blush."

"Grimmjow!" Keigo weakly reprimanded, embarrassed. "I have a class in a few minutes! I don't want to walk in looking like a stop sign!"

"But what a cute stop sign you are." There was silence for a moment while Keigo tried to collect himself, overjoyed with hearing Grimmjow's voice so that he could replace any other voices with it in his mind. And it was working too. "Feel better now?"

"Yes." He truly did feel better. "Thank you."

"It's you and me against the world. I'll always be here."

"You and me," he repeated, smiling. "I have to go now. I will... call you later?"

"I'll be expecting it."

"Bye." After pocketing his phone again, Keigo looked at Chizuru with a bright smile. "You were right." She met his gaze knowingly. "Thanks, Chizuru."

"No problem. It is what friends do." She placed a hand on his shoulder and had a determined look in her eyes. "When you get into that classroom, don't give them the satisfaction. Don't even for a second let them think that they got to you. If they say anything, ignore them. They don't know you. They don't know Grimmjow. And they are not your friends anymore."

What she says makes sense. She is right. And having talked to Grimmjow did make him feel a lot better. But that doesn't mean that he is immune to those comments. They will stick with him, even if he tries not to let them affect him. As he and Chizuru parted ways in the hallway he visualized Grimmjow walking beside him, like an invisible protector that only he could see. Even though he is not there, he would do anything to keep Keigo safe. Words are just words, even though they sometimes hurt as much as a punch. But Grimmjow has already proved that he genuinely means what he says. He never lied to Keigo. At least, not intentionally. The only lie he told was that he was asexual, but Keigo assumed that boiled down to some underlying insecurity; lord knows Keigo is familiar with those. And when he arrived at his classroom, he took a deep breath to steady himself, held his head high, and walked in. They were most likely looking at him, but he would do what Chizuru had said and ignore them; if he ignored them from the start he was ahead of them. Their opinions won't matter, because they have no right to cram them down his throat.

"They did what?!" Kon was fuming, just like Chizuru had been that morning. "I'm gonna kill Ichigo for-"

"Uh, Ichigo wasn't really-" Keigo began to excuse because he didn't feel like Ichigo wanted to be a part of that whole charade that morning.

"Don't defend him," Chizuru interrupted. "He had no right to out you to everyone like that."

"But he saw me and Gri-"

"He stole that moment from you!" she continued. "Instead of letting you step out of the closet, he chose to burn the closet down for you."

"I swear, if I catch them saying a word about this, I will-"

"Please stop!" To his surprise, they both fell silent. "I don't want to make a big deal out of this, alright?"

"But-"

"No, Chizuru!" He put his hands over his ears as if to block out whatever she had been about to say. She is right, again, but Keigo wants to move past it. Not relive it. Even though Ichigo had told all of his old friends that Keigo had been on a date with another guy, he wasn't mad at him. He was angry with Ishida, Rukia, and Tatsuki for putting ideas in his head. And for saying that Grimmjow was only using him. When he was certain that neither Chizuru nor Kon would continue to talk, he let his hands drop from his ears, having a determined look - or so he hoped - to seem as convincing as possible. "I don't care that Ichigo told them." He did care, but what worried him the most was that it might reach his parents' ears. "I don't like how quickly my head believed what they were saying. I..." It is his low self-esteem that defeats him. He knows it, and he knows that he needs to work on that. "I will do as you said, Chizuru. I will ignore them. And when I am in doubt, I will call Grimmjow."

"Good." She gave them both a reassuring smile. "You know that if you ever need to talk, you can call me too. Both of you."

"Oh! That reminds me!" Kon exclaimed, digging for something in his backpack. With an 'ah-hah' he victoriously dug up a set of keys that he handed to Keigo. "Your bike-keys! I almost forgot."

Smiling a genuine smile for the first time in several hours, Keigo wished that the three of them had become friends a lot sooner. Then he may not have spent so much time trying to fit in. He may have been less insecure. Less frightened of everything. And even with Chizuru and Kon, he still would have replied to Grimmjow's first message - in fact, they might even have encouraged him to respond. It doesn't feel forced, or like he needs to pretend. Kon and Chizuru are who they are and are not ashamed or putting a lid on themselves. They are open and prepared for the world and whatever challenges might come their way. And Keigo hopes that he can one day feel the same about himself.

If Shiro and Renji had heard about what went down that morning, they chose not to say. In fact, all they did that afternoon was practice the songs. Keigo could disappear into the world of music and forget about everything else because, in the music room, there was only one pressure - learning the notes. It was a kind of relief. Coexisting with two people he never thought he would have anything in common with. Turns out, being kidnapped and forced into a band does have its advantages.

It wasn't until much later that evening after he had gotten home, had dinner, and finished his homework that he decided to pick up his phone and make good on his promise to Grimmjow. He had promised that he would call after all. So he laid down on his bed and listened to the tone as it rang, wishing that he could have simply gone and knocked on his door. But it is too far away for that, and it is also late in the evening.

"Heya, pup." Grimmjow's voice sent a thrill through Keigo. This is what all those romance stories depict, the feeling they try to portray. He finally understood it. Before, he thought it was just lies. But when you experience it, it leaves no more doubts. "Now tell me what that call was all about." He goes straight for the heavy conversations first, but Keigo should have expected that already.

"Hi," he belatedly greeted. "It was just some comments made that got inside my head a little." He truly shouldn't put too much weight on it, like Chizuru had said. They don't know Grimmjow, and they no longer know Keigo.

"If it was about you and me, I'm sorry." The way he said it made Keigo's heart flip, fear gripping him. That melancholy did not sit well with him at all. "High school is tough enough as it is. I didn't mean to give you more problems."

"You didn't!" Panic was in his voice because he was ready to bolt out of his bed and run to Grimmjow's home if there was even the tiniest indication that this would end. He could not lose Grimmjow! "It's because of you that all the good things are happening!"

"You're sure of that?"

"Yes!" There was a moment of silence in which Keigo thought he was dying. What if-

"Alright, pup." A sigh of relief escaped Keigo. He had been so worried that he would lose everything again. "So! Next weekend Szayel suggested that we come to them and watch movies. We can snuggle up in the dark. Snack on popcorn. What you say 'bout that?"

"It sounds like fun."

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X
Ilforte & Kaien
Wednesday, February 4th
X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X

~.-_-.-~
There's a story behind every person.
There's a reason why they are the way they are.
Think about that before you judge someone.
XxXxXxX

For the past few days, he had waited and hoped that Kaien would appear at the bar so that he could put an end to the nervous breakdown he was about to experience. Because out of all the dates he had ever been on, this is the one that eats away at him. Tear him down from top to bottom. Strip him down and turn him inside out. Why? He has been on dates that he knew with 100% certainty would end badly, and none of them made him feel this bad. Maybe with age comes the realization that it does matter to him. Spending the rest of his life alone doesn't sound as appealing as it once had... Perhaps it is because most of his friends are getting themselves into steady relationships and he feels left out, like he is being left on the curb and everyone else is speeding away and leaving him in the dirt. It isn't jealousy that grips him, but a heavily constricting melancholic feeling that crushes his heart more and more with each passing day. It's not for lack of trying, though. How many dates has he been on over the years? Many. And each one drains him of hope, pushing him closer and closer to that self-drawn edge where he has promised himself he will just give up entirely.

When he looks at himself in the mirror he can only see a monster staring back at him. The beast that he had to become to not let the expectations and scrutiny of others crush him. He hadn't liked to be called 'cute as a doll' when he was 8 years old, and he certainly does not want to be hit on by just any random guy because they mistook him for a woman. In his own opinion, he does not act or look like a woman. Yet how many times have people mistaken him to be one? Too many to count. But long hair and a womanly beauty don't erase his very flat chest, his muscles, and his manly voice. Despite this, since he can't avoid any of it no matter what he does, he has manifested this persona of himself that has become one with his androgynous shell. He puts on the mask of that self-loving narcissist that everyone believes him to be, with damn near perfect skin care and hair treatments, and confidence that outshines even the sun. But that's all it is; pretence. That people around him think that he emanates an aura of confidence is laughable, when on the inside he is crumbling just like everyone else. Sometimes he wants to crawl into a ball and die. But bulls don't lie down in surrender! And he did not pick the bull as his spirit animal to be weak!

Honestly, going shopping with Keigo had been the most fun he had had in a very long time. Because he could drop the pretense and just be himself for a few hours. Who could have thought... Could he possibly merge his inner self with the exterior persona he has created? If so, what would his long-term friends think of him?

Regardless, he has finally settled on what to wear for the day. A blood-red button-up shirt - he had really fallen in love with the color after Keigo told him how it brings out the color of his eyes - and a pair of white, form-fitted jeans. It would be proper enough to wear if it was a date, yet not over the top in case it wasn't. Plus, it wouldn't make him stick out like a sore thumb from the rest of the crowd at this grand opening theatre act. Just how did it all come to this?! All he had done was to keep a customer company, who otherwise would have drunk himself into a coma and quite possibly never made it back home. How did that result in Ilforte having an existential crisis?! Perhaps he has been spending too much time watching the Grim/Kei drama show... And then before that the Nnoi/Tesla suspense, hoping that it wouldn't break their friendship and simultaneously the entire group dynamic. Still, his own story is vastly different. It isn't at all comparable.

He snorts at the reflection in the mirror. And frown at that mask that slips off every time he is alone.

He is broken out of his staring contest with himself when there is a text message on his phone. Before he has a chance to pick up the cell phone a million thoughts have already gone through his head. And a prayer that it would be Kaien calling this whole stupid thing off. But of course that is not possible, since the man does not have his number.

Kei-kun:

Enjoy the theatre/date!
**
*

Keigo. Sweet, innocent Keigo. Perhaps he should ask his brother to make a pocket-sized miniature of Keigo that Ilforte could keep with him for protection at all times. But... That would be weird and unacceptable. But he did miss that naivety that Keigo possessed sometimes. That lack of experience. All of Ilforte's experiences have only made him bitter.

No. This is not a date. Kaien never specifically said that it was. He had said that it was a thank you, so that is what Ilforte is going to take it as.

He wasn't late. He knew that he wasn't late. Kaien had said 16, and Ilforte was even fifteen minutes early when he came around the corner and could see the entrance of his cozy little pub. Yet when the door of that pearlescent green and blue Lexus sports car opened and a raven head poked up above the hood, Ilforte stopped dead in his tracks. The man greeted him with a sheepish grin and a small wave of his hand, but Ilforte was frozen in place, and it wasn't because of the snow.

"Nope, you're not late," Kaien answered Ilforte's thoughts as if he truly had read his mind. "I'm early."

The first warning bell rang out when Kaien walked around his car just to open the passenger door. Feeling somewhat annoyed Ilforte wanted to frown at the gesture, but upon seeing those seagreen eyes he found himself unable to. He was only being polite, he meant no harm with it. Finally able to move once more the blonde walks the last steps and offers a crooked grin in return.

"Nice car," he offers, but he can't quite shake the unease.

"Thanks." But it was clear that he wasn't interested in talking about his car, so Ilforte didn't say anything else. Instead, he awkwardly got into the passenger seat, choking back a disgruntled sound when Kaien, like a gentleman, closed to door for him. Definitely a warning bell. "So," Kaien started when he got back into the driving seat and started up the car with a nice rumble to the engine. "Are you ready for the grand opening theatre act?" There was a hint of nervousness there.

"Sure." Ilfortle glanced at the man and noted the smile on those tantalizing lips. 'Not a date', he reminded himself and snapped out of it. Instead, he took note of the hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly the knuckles had turned white. This discovery lead to the second warning bell that rang inside his head like a damn church bell, reverberating inside his ears - Kaien was not wearing his wedding ring anymore. 'Ignore it', he convinced himself and tore his eyes away, staring out through the windscreen instead. "You seem nervous," he stated casually, his voice not giving away a single hint of just how nervous he was himself.

"Heh, yeah I guess I am," Kaien confessed. "I just don't want my brother to mess up."

Ilforte hoped that was the only reason.

The second warning bell went off when they entered the theatre and had just left their jackets with the entrance staff. Ilforte instantly stiffened at the gentle grace of a hand touching his lumbar curve, leading him forward through the crowd of people as if it were completely natural. This isn't an act that Ilforte is unfamiliar with - he had done this on several occasions himself when he had been on those rare dates with women. But to receive it... He was certain that Kaien was only trying to be a gentleman, and in the process failed to realize how inappropriate it really was because it made him feel like he was being treated as a woman. Having the urge to tell him off but realizing that it would pull way too much attention, Ilforte bit the inside of his cheeks the remain quiet. He could tell him later when it wouldn't cause a scene.

He let himself be led into the theatre-room itself, and to a raised balcony above the other seats below. From here they had a perfect view of the stage, and no one to block the view or knock their elbows into their sides or kick the seat with their legs from behind. The perks of being related to one of the stars, he guessed. They didn't talk, because Ilforte could tell that Kaien was very nervous, but for reasons he was still not sure about. Was it all really just nerves on his brother's behalf? Or because he had invited Ilforte? Perhaps Kaien had at some point realized that he never specified if it was a date or not, and was nervous because he didn't want to give the wrong impression. Well, he had projected that same fear onto Ilforte in the process, so in some ways it was an appropriate suffering. Or was he nervous because it was supposed to be a date? The more Ilfrote thought about this, the more ill he felt. He needed to mentally prepare himself for whichever outcome, but he knew that either way it would turn around and slap him mercilessly.

As the theatre room fell into darkness, and the stage was the only thing now lit up, Ilforte pushed all thoughts aside and tried to just focus on what was in front of him. The stage. The people coming out and delivering lines. Their costumes and makeup, the way they moved. He tried to find who could be Kaien's brother, but it was difficult to tell. No one really looked like him, but that might be due to their costumes. However, at one point he felt the huff of a breath tickle his ear, sending tingles down his spine as whispered words caressed his eardrum.

"That's my brother," Kaien said before retreating once more. The only person on stage right now was a tall and broad-shouldered male, barely holding any resemblance at all to Kaien except for the dark hair color. Perhaps up close they had more in common.

Ilforte fully immersed himself into the act on the stage after that and forgot all about being uncomfortable. He quite enjoyed it. The actors were doing a good job and managed to capture the audience with oh's and ah's at appropriate timing and interval with a nice flow. The story itself was captivating and progressed steadily, making Ilforte fall in love with the world of theatre, which surprised him a lot more than he had thought it would. However, as the act ended, Ilforte was quickly reminded of why he had been annoyed to begin with. Kaien once more led him by placing his hand at the small of his back, like Ilforte was some damn damsel in need of guidance. And multiple heads were turning in their direction, staring at them, at him, with judgment. Like Ilforte is the only one in this duo worthy of mockery, for being the feminine half. It irked him so much that it made his brow tic. But once more he bit back the snapping remarks he wanted to barf out because making a scene here would not help either of them. He had to remind himself that Kaien was most likely not doing this on purpose, but out of habit. So he let himself be led back to the green Lexus car, where he wanted to shout that he can open the damn door for himself but didn't, and was once more let into the car like a lady too good to touch the door-handle herself and took a few deep, calming breaths before Kaien joined him in the vehicle in the driver's seat.

That's when the next warning bell tolled. How many was that now? How many of the same warnings had rung out already? Ilforte had lost count, and at this point, he was biting back all of his frustration to not explode. After all, he finds Kaien attractive, and he knows that he most likely only meant this as a friendly 'thank you' as he had proclaimed. So in all honesty, there was no reason for Ilforte to be angry. However, he could still point out the degrading emotions accompanied by Kaien's habits. Being treated like a woman is and always has been at the very bottom of what Ilforte appreciates. He hates it.

"I had planned to invite you for dinner." Kaien's voice sounded embarrassed, and his otherwise seemingly permanent scowl was replaced by a sheepish smile. "I always preferred a home-cooked meal. Nothing special, just a simple dish." Then his eyes grew large as he stared at Ilforte almost in a panic. "If you want to, I mean."

At this point, Ilforte should have declined. Should have left the car and walked home. Leave Kaien to his own thoughts so he could figure out just what this whole 'thank you' outing was really coming across as. And from there, made up his mind on what it was he really wanted. But Ilforte was still trying to not bite his head off for embarrassing him with politeness. Does that even make sense?!

"Well, I am hungry," was what he said instead. Almost immediately Kaien started up his car and was driving off towards somewhere with a small smile on his lips that prevented Ilforte from saying anything more. Instead, he sighed inwardly, giving up for the moment. Either way, he was going to eat something. And then he would prepare for the emotional backlash once more.

The apartment complex was in one of the nicer parts of Kagamino City, where a lot of the large business companies resided. Ilforte knew this area well enough since he could have lived here himself if he had chosen to, but he and Szayel opted to live at the opposite end of the city instead, in their mansion. It provided more privacy than an apartment ever could. He had already concluded that Kaien was a businessman of sorts, but he wasn't sure in what branch or how wealthy he would be. But when he entered the top floor and was let into the penthouse, there was at least one bit of his internal fears that died down a little. No one without good enough pay or some kind of family wealth could afford an apartment like this. And because Ilforte has had the experience in the past that people dated him for his money, at least that problem is taken out of the equation. If this is a date... Kaien gave him a quick tour of the lower part of the penthouse, which concluded in a large open area that functioned as a living room area and a sitting area with a large screen TV and a spacy couch. Adjointed to this was the kitchen and dining room. However what actually amazed him was the pool area on the inside of the apartment, located right near a wall of only windows overlooking the by now dark skyline of Kagamino City. There were stairs nearby leading up to where Ilforte suspected the bedroom would be, but he did not want to be introduced to that room any time soon. On the other side of the sitting room was another full-windowed wall with a door leading onto the open roof-top which worked as a balcony of sorts. Yes, quite extravagant, even for Ilforte's taste. And a lot of space for just one man to live in. Which of course reminded him of the ring he had been unable to see on the man's finger that day.

While Kaien was finishing preparing their dinner, Ilforte stood by one of those large windows, looking out at the skyline and down into the dark abyss below. He could spot streetlights far down, but they were too many floors up to be able to properly see anything immediately below. Sighing to himself, an uncharacteristic thought popped into his head. How many seconds would it take to reach the ground if one jumps from this height? Frowning at his trail of thought, he wondered if he was perhaps being a little too dramatic about this whole thing. All this dread and doom was taking a toll on him. That is the return of the mind of a teenager, he told himself, when everything that happens seems to be part of some larger plot to destroy you specifically. He was way past those days, so the unwelcome thought shook him a little.

He was interrupted by the appearance of Kaien, mumbling something about what Ilforte wanted to drink. Wine or beer, or perhaps a drink. Ilforte wanted to scoff. Offering to make a drink for a bartender that has already tasted most mixes and could no longer be happily surprised by a new flavor. The fault of being a bartender... Most drinks come out flavorless or so mundane and boring after a while. But, he didn't say this out loud and left Kaien to surprise him, to suffer on his own. This was, of course, yet another warning bell. Drinking. At the end of the night, Ilforte still needed to get home. Well, it wouldn't be the first time he is left walking home after a date that may not have ended as it should have.

Some of his annoyance melted away when he finally sat down to eat. Either Kaien was a really good cook, or Ilforte had been really hungry because the food was almost five-star restaurant-worthy. He practically salivated as he devoured the food. However as he looked up at Kaien and saw that content smile, he was again filled with dread. This handsome man either only did this as a friendly thank you, or is deceiving himself into thinking that he is filling some kind of empty hole in his soul with Ilforte's company. This married man, that had removed his wedding ring for this occasion. As inappropriate as it may be, Ilforte needed to know why.

"So," he said, filling the heavy silence, speaking only after he had swallowed the foot in his mouth. He is not some savage beast, after all. "I can't help but notice the missing ring." He edged his voice with curiosity rather than accusations, but Kaien looked uncomfortable anyway. But the question was already out in the air, he couldn't take it back now.

"Yes, I..." Kaien flexed his hand, staring solemnly at the finger where the ring once sat, where there were still the obvious callouses after having worn a ring for a longer time. "I thought it would be better to leave it off. After all, it... no longer serve a purpose."

"Divorce?" Ilforte asked carefully, hating that he had stepped into something that he couldn't get out of painlessly for both of them. But to his even greater remorse, Kaien shook his head.

"My wife," he started, halting momentarily. "She passed away."

"I'm so sorry..." He was. He truly was. He could only imagine the pain of losing a loved one.

"She got sick," Kaien explained unprompted. "Terminally ill, to be precise. I watched her waste away before my eyes." He quickly wiped away a stray tear, even though he didn't need to hide his sadness. "It was over a year ago, but it still hurts. In fact, the day I came to your bar, it would have been her birthday. I couldn't sit here at home, I... don't think it would have ended well." Ilforte completely understood, and he had, after all, been able to read the sorrow on Kaien that evening he first arrived at the bar. He just hadn't known what had caused it at the time. But as if thinking that he had soured mood, Kaien produced a grin that was highly unfitting for the situation. "Anyway, I suppose it is about time that chapter is closed." It was only a facade, that much was obvious. "At least, that is what my siblings keep telling me." He looked up at Ilforte then, with solemn eyes, but shadowed by determination. "She will always be the love of my life, but I can't live in grief forever."

They continued to eat in silence for a while, yet it was as if a burden had been lifted from Kaien's shoulders after his confession about losing his wife. It was as if he, for the first time that evening, could finally relax. Ilforte, remaining on edge and very perceptive of every shift and change, noticed the glances he was receiving more frequently now. He wondered if maybe Kaien was searching for a topic to talk about after that awkward conversation. Should Ilforte take the safe route and talk about the theatre? Or should he just wait and see what Kaien decides? He couldn't bring up the earlier discomfort right now so soon after the much more serious conversation about Kaien's dead wife, that would be highly inappropriate and very narcissistic. Rude, even. So he didn't say anything, and the silence stretched on.

"So," Kaien suddenly said, breaking the silence that had engulfed them. "How old are you really?" The sorrow was gone from his eyes, replaced by sheer curiosity and genuine intrigue, which made Ilforte smile. "And how long have you lived here?" Small talk, that's what this is. Direct questions, but still so innocently asked. But why give a straight answer when one can attempt to ease the tension with some indirect replies?

"We were sent here when I was thirteen," he answered truthfully, one half of his face twisted into a smirk. "That was nine years ago." He noticed the lips curving upwards on his companion, satisfied with having been able to pull that out from him at this moment.

"You act older than twenty-two," Kaien complimented, his sea-green eyes sparkling from across the relatively small dinner table. "How old would you guess that I am?"

"Hm..." Ilforte gave it some thought and made a show of inspecting every line and blemish on his face, which in turn made the raven-haired man blush deliciously. He dragged that out for a few seconds before giving his guess. "I'd say you're about thirty."

"Wow, that's..." Kaien looked shocked. "Actually spot on." Of course it was; llforte had always been good at telling people's age for some reason. Kaien actually seemed a little embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck. "Time sure disappears quickly as you get older."

"You're not old enough to say that," Ilforte pointed out. "Besides," he shrugged, taking another bite of food and dragged out the wait while he finished chewing his food, shamelessly enjoying the attention he was now getting. "Who is to say that we were really supposed to count age the way we do? Perhaps we are supposed to count in dog years. Or maybe one year was meant to be twenty-four months instead of twelve."

"So..." Kaien was clearly doing the math in his head, yet still intrigued by this suggestion. "You're saying that I might only be fifteen years old?" He grinned. "And having dinner with an eleven-year-old?"

"We'd be closer in age." Ilforte smiled, enjoying the sound of the laughter that bubbled out of his host. "Besides, I prefer mental age to actual age anyway."

Talking flowed more easily after that, just like it normally did at the bar whenever Kaien was there. Honestly, Ilforte could have listened to Kaien do a full weather forecast report. Like a teenager with his first crush, which is absolutely ridiculous, because Kaien isn't Ilforte's first crush. But now, after they had put the dishes in the dishwasher and had relocated to stand in front of the full-windowed wall near the roof balcony, looking out at the night sky, the air around them changed. The mood shifted. Ilforte recognized this tense atmosphere. And the look in Kaien's eyes, gazing back at him from a too-small space between them, left nothing a secret. Ilforte knew what was brooding inside of his mind because he was feeling it too. He could feel the magnetic pull of those eyes, the static sparkling between them. The fire that was being ignited. But from experience, Ilforte knew that it was best to snuff out the sparks - preferably before he got drenched in cold water. Because no matter how he tried to rationalize it, to reason with his judgment, he knew that Kaien was only confused right now. After all, Ilforte seemed to have that effect on straight men. So he clenched his fist, mentally imagining it tightening around his erratic heart, before forcing himself to speak.

"I've got this odd feeling that this was more like a date than a 'thank you'." Even without looking at Kaien, he knew that the older man had tensed up. This simply needed to end right here.

"And if I had called it a date," Kaien said, causing Ilforte to dig his nails into the skin of his palm. "Would you have accepted?" A question laced with tense anxiety and a defensive undertone. Insecurity. As expected, of course.

"Look, bro." Ilforte sighed, keeping his eyes focused on the view rather than on the mirror image of his companion. He knew what he would see there. "You're not the first straight guy to be confused by my looks. But it always ends the same way. You will realize your mistake and regret everything." Oh, but he wished it wasn't so at the same time. "Believe me, I am saving you from that embarrassment. "And saving himself in the process.

"I'll admit that this is uncharted territory for me," was Kaien's reply, a little more confident this time. "But I know what I am getting myself into."

"Do you?" He had heard that so many times in the past. Shaking his head in disbelief he finally turned to face the sea-green eyes that were watching him with such intense desire burning inside of them that it made the blonde swallow hesitantly. But regardless of how much he wished to be wrong, he had to stand firm. He is also a man. He knows how strong desire can be, and how hard it can be to convince yourself that it is wrong until it is too late. The only way he knew how to punch through the other man's resolve was to be aggressive. "I feel like I have to remind you of something," he said with a calm voice, catching Kaien by surprise when he swiftly reached out and grabbed his left hand and pressed it firmly to his undoubtedly very manly groin. "I am very much a man." If he had to humiliate himself to save the both of them, so be it. He had to be as blunt as possible.

"I know that!" Kaien retorted, attempting to retract his hand but failed. His eyes momentarily filled with fear before he recovered and scowled back at the blonde. "Are you always this aggressive?"

Ilforte didn't have an answer to that question. The only reason why he hadn't left already was because somewhere in his mind he still wished for it to be different. But he was fooling himself. It was time to leave. He let go of Kaien's hand and was prepared for the incoming punch - he deserved it, after all - but it never came. Kaien just stood there, his eyes filled with lust despite the scowl still on his face. Belatedly Ilforte realized that the man hadn't removed his hand, despite no longer being held in place. A little hesitantly, Ilforte made to take a step to the side but was cut off mid-motion by Kaien crushing himself against his chest, lips assaulting his own aggressively. It was as if a bomb had gone off. From zero to a million in the blink of an eye, shocking Ilforte out of his resolve. Any thought of stopping went down the drain the very moment that devious hand went to work, waking up every inch of Ilforte's desire. Kaien's free hand snuck up to tangle itself in his long hair, holding a little more rough than was necessary. He hadn't realized that they had moved until his back roughly hit the wall behind him, the hand in his hair saving his head from thumping against the wall. The rough ministrations and the taste of the man were driving him crazy.

He lets out a startled breath when Kaien pulls out his shirt from the jeans. As his eyes fly open he can see those green eyes watching him intensely, reading his reactions while still assaulting his mouth expertly with his tongue and now and then accidentally scraping their teeth together. Ilforte expected it all to end just as abruptly as it had started, therefor he refrained from reversing their positions. Even as he felt Kaien's hand slowly, carefully, inch its way inside his now unbuttoned jeans, tickling sensitive skin, he was convinced this would all come crashing down any second now. And then... Kaien's hand reached the strained flesh and gave it a rough strike. Challenging, as if to prove something.

All of Ilforte's resolve broke with that one stroke. His desire got the best of him and he followed the urge to reverse positions, swiftly pushing himself sideways until Kaien's back hit the glass wall. A surprised grunt accompanied by a rougher stroke of that hand was all the encouragement the blonde needed now. He returned as well as he had gotten, assaulting Kaien's accepting mouth with far lesser scrapes of their teeth, while he quickly worked open the button and zipper of the pants. He was far too eager to reciprocate, touching that heated flesh inside the other man's pants without considering the consequences. Their breathing picked up and they knew that it would not last long. Only a few more rough strokes and it was done. Caught in the euphoric aftermath, their mouths lazily separated to breathe raggedly, riding out the last few pulls of bliss. Ilforte leaned his forehead against the window next to Kaien's head and stared at the skyline again. He could hear every breath the man took, could feel those fingers lazily touch his softening skin. Tickling. No matter how he tried to look at this, it was awkward.

"I..." The hum of Kaien's voice startled him, but he refused to move just yet. He needed to catch his breath. Needed to sort through his thoughts. "I can't say this was part of my plan for tonight," the man admitted, sounding content rather than disgusted, which took Ilforte a little off guard, giving him one of those deceiving flickers of hope. "But I'm not complaining."

"You say that now." He wished he didn't sound as defeated as he did. But he knew that once the high had settled and the realization hit, Kaien would regret this.

"I mean it." Kaien's voice was determined, and his clean hand caressed the long hair it was still entangled in. It was almost soothing if it wasn't so tragically pointless. "Whatever people have done to you in the past," the man continued. "I'm not one of them."

"Perhaps not." But he wouldn't hold his breath. Before this went any further he needed to leave. Easing his hand out of the man's pants and pushing himself away from the window, he waited until Kaien also released him before meeting his eyes again. Those sea-green eyes were searching his eyes, perhaps looking for guidance, but Ilforte had none to offer. "I'm gonna-" He shut his mouth and simply held up the sticky hand as an explanation, before turning away and walking towards the bathroom to clean himself.

He needed to get out of there before things turned sideways. Just this once, he didn't want to go home with a black eye or words thrown at him that he would remember until he died. Just this once, he just wants to have a win. Even if it is short-lived. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, saw his dark eyes and the tousled hair, and huffed at himself. Stupid. So, so stupid. He saw Kaien through the corner of his eyes, lingering in the still-open doorway. Hovering. It was exactly that careful gaze that he didn't want to see. That is just one step away from regret, and Ilforte detests it. He shouldn't have come here... Drying his hands and stepping out to let the other man through, he immediately started to put on his shoes. The message would be clear. But then he could hear the panic edging Kaien's voice.

"I can give you a ride home if-"

"No," Ilforte quickly interrupted. Regretting the aggression in his voice, he offered a forced smile. "Thanks, but... I feel like walking."

"Are you sure?" Kaien returned into the hallway, clearly trying to get eye contact, but Ilforte would have none of it. "I don't want you to leave because of-"

"Look, I don't do this often, bro." He pulled a hand through his long hair, feeling completely drained. "I think we both need to clear our heads." He risked one glance, locking gaze with sea green for a moment. Realization would soon dawn on Kaien too, and Ilforte did not want to be there when that happened. "Thanks for the dinner," he offered, taking his coat and left.

But Ilforte had absolutely no intention of walking all the way home. He was angry at himself. Angry at Kaien. Angry at his now greasy underwear. Angry at the person he had every intention of walking to with all of this baggage. Because if not for him then this date would have never happened, and Ilforte would not feel like such a rotten person. He had gone on too many dates with straight men in the past. He knew exactly what would have happened if he had stayed longer, or gotten that ride home. Yes, he was saving himself from that real or figurative fist to his gut, and in the process left Kaien - the confused straight man who had recently lost his wife - to deal with the aftermath alone. So what if Ilforte had run away? Does that make him a coward? Does it make him look like a sensitive little princess? To hell with that! This isn't about playing the victim! He knows that he is just as much to blame for what happened. Or maybe he carries the full blame! But is it too much to ask that just once it ends with sparkles and joy? He knew from the start that this would end with regret, yet he couldn't keep his hormones in check. He couldn't just act like a normal person and take it slow. Of course not, because... Because Ilforte does not have patience, which is why he was tapping his foot anxiously as he waited for that damn door to open. And when it finally did, he didn't wait to be let inside or be acknowledged. No, he pushed through the doorway, walked through the living room, and straight into the man's bedroom, talking just to get away from that awful silence.

"You know, when this whole thing returns to slap me in the face, I'm gonna punch you for opening your big mouth and putting ideas into his head!" Why had he humiliated himself in that way?! Now that he was here it became so much clearer how much of an ass he had been. He hadn't needed to do any of it! He hadn't needed to push Kaien into that. Ilforte's damn insecurities were to blame once again.

"What?" Nnoitra defended innocently. "An' what're ya doin' in my bedroom?"

"Changing!" he barked back, rummaging through Nnoitra's underwear. "It is your fault after all." He grabbed a pair of boxers and started to pull off his jeans, unfazed by the lack of privacy. That still doesn't mean he wants that eye staring at him. So in retaliation, he tossed the dirty underwear towards Nnoitra, who jumped out of the way with a disgusted look on his face.

"Ya should be thankin' me," Nnoitra retorted, finally turning away from Ilforte as he was redressing himself. "'Least ya had a good time. Right?" That last bit was asked with a different tone as if Nnoitra was making sure that everything was alright. It was, but it wasn't.

"But it never lasts!"

"Ya won' know 'til ya try."

"But I do know." No matter how much he wanted to believe that there was a small chance in hell... He sighed, deflated, as he buttoned the last button on his jeans. "He was married, Nnoi."

"I hear a past tense there."

"His wife is dead." Which just made everything that much worse. Now that he had admitted this bit out loud, Ilforte released a sigh of pent-up frustration directed at himself. He definitely shouldn't have left Kaien on his own.

"'Least she won't be jealous then."

"Are you ever serious?!" He stared at his friend in disbelief.

"When I sleep," Nnoitra shrugged nonchalantly, but deep down Ilforte knew it was just an act. Just like the facade, Ilforte plays every day. "Seriously though... I ain't tryin' to be insensitive, but if she's dead and he's game... What's the problem?"

"Oh, come on Nnoi." Maybe he was reading too deeply into it. Maybe Kaien isn't as confused as Ilforte is assuming. But his past is haunting him. Ilforte knows the cost of dating married men. Straight men. Their confusion never lasts for very long - only long enough for Ilforte to get hurt. "... I'm so tired." More accurately, he is exhausted. Both emotionally and physically. He just wanted to get home, cuddle up on his bed, and fall asleep to some sappy movie. "The least you can do is drive me home."

"Fine." Nnoitra had already grabbed his keys from the table and was stuffing his feet into his boots. He looked up only to frown at Ilforte. "Aren'cha gonna take those dirty undies with ya?"

"Hell no, that mess is your fault, bro. You clean them."

"Disgustin'."

But he didn't make a fuss over it. They left Nnoitra's apartment in silence, walked to the garage below the apartment complex, got into the car, and drove towards the Granz' Mansion. Ilforte knew that he was acting like a sulking child. He knew that he was in the wrong. He had instigated the whole thing between him and Kaien, which ultimately led to this moment. And then he had just run off without apologizing. He had meant it when he told Kaien that he doesn't do that very often because the difference between this situation and the others is that it usually didn't go that far. Most confused straight men that he had managed to charm settled with one date and perhaps a kiss before they backed out, with or without the excuses and the verbal abuse. Perhaps that is why he is more confused now than he usually was. Because Kaien had not backed out, and he hadn't made any stupid excuses. Kaien had touched him to completion and offered to drive him home. So why did Ilforte run away?

Now that they were pulling up at Ilforte's home, he thought it was too soon. Just thirty minutes ago he couldn't wait to get home and lock himself in his room. But now... Nnoitra's silent presence was something he didn't deserve right now, but he needed it.

"I know it's late, but..." It was almost midnight, and he knew that Nnoitra needed to be up early in the morning. But still... "Do you want to watch a movie with me?"

"Fine." Nnoitra put the car into park and turned off the ignition. But he spoke before Ilforte could get out. "But only if ya promise to quit diggin' that hole ya keep trippin' into. Put the fuckin' shovel down."

"I'll try, bro."

But it is a lot easier said than done. Being both a narcissist and hating oneself is quite an exhausting act to keep up, and his two personalities have been clashing for years now. That self-sabotage Nnoitra pointed out is only the tip of the iceberg. And the more people try to chisel and chip away at the layers of ice, the deeper Ilforte freeze. The narcissist in him knows that he is beautiful - lord knows he has been told since he was born! And he absolutely hates it. It is an ugly creature that greets him in the mirror, because it does not reflect who he is on the inside, beneath the layers. He is broken too, despite holding his chin high. But he doesn't complain about it normally. Today, a piece of that iceberg melted, and he took it out on Kaien and Nnoitra to protect himself. A coward's way out.

What does he have to complain about? He's got enough money to never need to work a day in his life. He's got a huge mansion with great security. He owns a bar and has employees even though he isn't that old yet. He's got friends and family. He has anything he could ever ask for. And he complains about his life being difficult... He should be ashamed.

"Oi." Glancing over at Nnoitra, lazily splayed out on the opposite side of the big couch, Ilforte feels even worse for throwing his problems onto his friends. They don't deserve the shit they get. "I can see the little hamsters spinning the wheel in there," he said, staring at Ilforte with his one remaining eye. Nnoitra has gone through much worse shit than Ilforte, and he never pitied himself. "Why don't ya let them rest for a bit, hm?" Confused, Ilforte just stared at his friend in silence. Was he insulting him somehow? Calling him stupid? "I've known ya long enough to know that yer beatin' yourself up. And that act you play is only working on yourself."

"I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about." Feeling very uncomfortable Ilforte felt the intense desire to change the subject. "Enough about me. How are things going for you and Kon?"

"As well as can be expected," Nnoitra shrugged, then snorted. "You're just like me." This statement took Ilforte off guard, but he didn't interrupt. He wanted to know where this was leading to. "Ya pretend you don't care 'bout anything, but you do. You're playing this act as if you're the centerpiece of attention, but you never ask for attention. In fact, I think you hate it."

"Of course I hate it!" The anger bubbled out of him. His protective shield was being chipped away, piece by piece, and he didn't like that at all. "I hate everything about me! I just..." He sighed, feeling the anger drain almost as quickly as it had bubbled over. Hunched over his knees, he tiredly hid his face in his hands, shutting the world away. "Sometimes I just want to break something. Myself, mostly. Leave a nasty scar somewhere, just to break out of this fucking shell."

"Then you'll just end up lookin' like me." The snicker was not humorous - it was cold and full of self-loathing. Just like Ilforte felt towards himself. "Ain't no salvation in that."

"So what do I do?" He desperately wanted guidance.

"Fuck if I know. But you can't keep punishing yourself."

"Punishing myself?" He wanted to laugh at that, but he couldn't. "Haven't you heard? I'm the most confident person in the world! I have everything going for me."

"Yeah right," Nnoitra snorted. "Even I am more confident than you. You're pathetically struggling to keep up with me."

As shocking as it was, there was no doubt that Nnoitra fully understood him. Ilforte was so shocked by the relief that washed over him that he almost wanted to break down and cry. But he forced those emotions back down because crying in front of Nnoitra would not help either of them. Both of them have walls that they need to keep up to protect themselves. And opening a floodgate would only break everything down. Or smash it to pieces.

"Thanks, bro," he said instead, smiling even though he was feeling like shit. "I know you wouldn't want a real one, so in my mind, I'm hugging you right now."

"You better stay on your side of the couch."

The next afternoon Ilforte was at his bar before opening hours. As the owner and boss, he takes it upon himself to make sure the stock of bottles is refilled and the glasses are clean. He was absently cleaning the glasses and putting them back in their place under the counter, and every so often he glanced at the clock on the wall behind him. It was about twenty minutes until the regular customers would arrive, and so far the bar was empty save for himself. Weekdays are mostly calm so working alone wasn't that big of a deal, but he was considering hiring another hand soon; between him and Halibel and his two other employees, weekends could be very stressful. Hearing the front door open he mentally prepares for the first customer, puts on a friendly smile, and turns to greet whoever it might be. His smile faltered as quickly as it had appeared because he was met by the sea-green eyes belonging to a raven-haired man. Kaien stood there, looking a little out of place as if he was ready to turn on his heel and bolt back out through the door - perhaps it was best if he did just that. Ilforte couldn't find any words and stood there instead frozen, wrapped up in the memory of their dinner last night. His insides did loops, but all he wanted to do was to sink through the floor.

"So," Kaien started, clearing his throat before taking a few steps closer to the counter and the blonde man behind it. "I realized that the only thing I know about you is your first name, and the location of your workplace." His face twisted into a sheepish grin, yet his eyes remained locked with Ilforte's. "I wanted to call you but I didn't have your number." As if he could sense Ilforte's confusion, he quickly added: "I wanted to make sure I hadn't scared you off. I didn't mean to go that fast forward."

"You-" Ilforte shook his head, trying to clear it. "I-" It didn't make any sense. He had expected to be shouted at for twisting his mind.

"Yes, I am confused," Kaien admitted, interrupting Ilforte's battle for words. "I have no idea what I am doing. But I want to do this. So..." He leaned forward, trying to look confident but was only half successful. "Won't you at least give me a chance?" When Ilforte didn't show any sign of replying, the raven-haired male sighed a little over-dramatic, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "If you wanna convince me that you're a man again, will you at least let me go behind the counter first?"

It took a few seconds for Ilforte to comprehend what was being said, but when it finally clicked in his head, he produced a giant shit-eating grin. Instead of being embarrassed about everything that has gone down, it's better to just own it. It happened. They had both survived. It was embarrassing for both of them, so they are on the same page. Besides, Nnoitra had told him to stop digging his own grave. He had told him to stop defeating himself before the battle has even started. So if Kaien really wanted to give it a go... But the grin on his face was only skin-deep - in his core, he was still nervous. Out of everything he had expected to happen, this was not it. Perhaps Kaien is different from the others. But that doesn't mean it won't end the same way it always does. However... Not giving it a chance would be defeating himself, right?

"Alright, bro." He decided that sometimes it was worth getting hurt. Finding a piece of paper, he wrote down his phone number and slid it toward Kaien, who looked at him with anticipation. "If you haven't changed your mind by tomorrow, here's my number."

"Why would I change my mind?" Kaien pocketed the note with care, never letting his eyes stray from the tall blonde behind the counter. "You think time is going to make me change my mind?" He leaned over the counter, smiling. "If you can tell me that you aren't interested, I will leave you alone. Otherwise..." He backed off the counter, still with that smile on his face. "I will call you tomorrow."

"You... really don't know what you're getting yourself into." Ilforte sighed, feeling a little anxious.

"Perhaps." Kaien's smile grew. "But I want to find out." He started backing towards the exit. "So... What time can I call tomorrow?"

"So persistent," Ilforte laughed. He stood there watching as the man backed out of the pub and gave a two-finger salute as he disappeared in the doorway. Such a strange man... But if he truly meant that he wanted to give this thing between them a try... Maybe it was worth it to sacrifice some of the remaining dignity. Only time could tell.

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Keigo
Saturday, February 7th
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A year ago, Keigo could not have imagined himself inside a big mansion, surrounded by a big group of friends like this. Even two or three years ago it would not have been perceivable. This... was everything he ever dreamed about. The couch is even big enough for all of them and still leaves a gap between them. Well, not between all of them. In the far right, Grimmjow is hogging the corner with Keigo flushed against his side, an arm over his shoulders, and holding the bag of popcorn in front of them. Keigo never felt safer and happily used Grimmjow as his pillow while enjoying the movie displayed on the oversized TV. Next to Keigo sits Ilforte, then Szayel who is also holding a bowl of popcorn, and next to him sits Tesla. His girlfriend had not been able to come, because she had previously made plans with her friends this evening. And on the left where there was an adjoined chaise lounge, Nnoitra and Kon were cuddled up with their bowl of popcorn. Everyone was enjoying the movies. Sometimes someone would make fun of the scenes in the comedy they were watching, and other times they might burst into laughter. It was such a familiar feeling sitting here, even though Keigo couldn't claim that he ever experienced anything like it before; not even at home. It had been an awesome day.

They had gotten there around noon and watched a couple of movies before they ordered pizzas for everyone. There were no real plans behind it either. The movies were selected as they went and no one complained. Between each movie, they would have elaborate discussions about it, which Keigo found intriguing - everyone had an opinion, and no one was shy to share it. Organized chaos is the only real way to describe a movie night with these guys. And it was so perfect in Keigo's mind. Was it possible to be so happy that you get sad? He couldn't explain why. But a tear rolled down his cheek.

The evening progressed seemingly without them realizing it. When Szayel stood up it was almost as if a magic trance was broken. Keigo stirred out of his daze. The TV was still on with a movie he hadn't fully registered that he was watching. Movie coma... Is that a thing? The pink-haired man aimed his phone at the left corner of the couch, and wondering what Szayel was doing Keigo glanced across and found Kon and Nnoitra asleep, lying quite comfortably on the long extension of the sofa. They look so content that Keigo smiles softly at them, happy that they found each other.

As Ilforte and Tesla stand up to join Szayel, Keigo looks at Grimmjow. The bluenette is smiling similarly at the scene on the opposite side of the couch. Friendship. This is what friendship is supposed to be like. Not the facade that Keigo had known before. And even though he is Grimmjow's boyfriend now, it started as a friendship. This evening proved that they can all hang out like regular friends and still have a great time. Quietly, they tiptoe out of the living room, leaving the two sleeping males alone in the dimmed-down light.

As they all disappeared into their designated rooms, Keigo was still thinking about the two on the couch on the bottom floor. When Keigo asked Ilforte about his date, he got a death stare from Nnoitra for some reason. Well, that reason was that the date had apparently been a little chaotic, and Ilforte had gone to Nnoitra afterward to get a ride home. Ilforte didn't share much more than that, other than that it was yet to be determined if he would regret the date or not. Keigo felt bad for Ilforte. But the loudest voice in his head was screaming at him how wrong he had been about Nnoitra all this time.

"What you thinkin' 'bout, pup?" Grimmjow asked, already lying on top of the bed in only his boxers.

"I was just..." Keigo felt dumb now, but he wanted to be open with Grimmjow. "I was thinking about Nnoitra."

"Oh?" Grimmjow arched an eyebrow at that. "Should I be worried that you're thinking about one of my friends when I'm lying here practically naked right in front of you?"

"No, that's not... I don't mean... Uh..." He fell silent as Grimmjow chuckled at his stuttering, blushing brightly. "I just..." he tried again but shook his head. "He's really defensive when it comes to all of you," he finally said, satisfied with his words. "He cares a lot more than he lets on."

"Don't let him hear that," Grimmjow warned with a small smile. "But yeah. He'd never admit it, but he does." Nnoitra comes off as harsh, but he doesn't seem judgmental. Nnoitra seems to always be there for them when the others need someone to talk to. He even came to Keigo after Grimmjow's first kiss that scared the daylight out of him. Keigo wasn't sure if Grimmjow knew about that so he didn't tell him about it, because the last thing he wants is for them to be upset with each other. Or with Keigo. "He's a big softy," Grimmjow concluded with a grin. "But I'm sleepy, so get your ass into bed so we can sleep!" His grin turned into a softer smile as he crawled in under the covers. "Believe it or not, but you're addictive to sleep with." It was the phrasing that turned Keigo's face impossibly brighter. But it was the best thing anyone had ever told him.

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Kon
Sunday, February 8th
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Kon found himself in a field full of wild berries and flowers. There were raspberries, cranberries, blueberries, and blackberries. Every kind of berry you could find in a forest. How did he get here? Not that he was complaining - free berries to enjoy! All the colors enchanted him. Red and blue. Black and even white. Every hue of pink and purple you could imagine. And all the different kinds of green. It was truly hypnotic. Surely such a place can't exist? Slowly he became more conscious of his surroundings. The moss-clad rock he was resting on top of became more firm and moving as if breathing. The colors of the world faded until it was just darkness. The scent remained, but more faint. A dream. It had been a dream. But wait... Why is his pillow breathing?

Something told him to remain calm and not freak out. So he slowly opened his eyes. A black couch. Oh... He instantly remembers where he is. Which means, the breathing rock beneath his head can only be Nnoitra. Kon never intended to fall asleep. He had planned to go home after the movies. But waking up on top of this specific gorgeous man was not a bad way to start the day. Wait... What if it isn't Nnoitra?! What if he fell asleep on top of someone else and now Nnoitra is rightfully angry with him and Kon has ruined everything while unconscious?!

What should have been Kon lifting his head quickly to look at the person beneath him resulted in him almost flying off the couch. Honestly, he should have known better by now. And even as he sat on the floor, trying to shake himself out of the shock of the past few seconds, he blamed himself for this whole situation. But damn, Nnoitra is strong.

"Fuck," the older male cursed, most likely pissed with himself. "You alright?"

"Meh," Kon shrugged, getting on his knees so that he could reassure the delicious treat with a grin. "Figured it was my turn to land on the floor." Was this going to be a recurring thing? "I guess we fell asleep."

"Get back here," Nnoitra demanded sleepily. Kon only hesitated for a moment. Seeing no fear in Nnoitra's eyes he laid back on top of the male. This time he was truly on top of him, not just with his head, and Nnoitra grinned back at him. "I meant to ask yesterday," Nnoitra continued in a low voice as if wanting to keep this between them in case anyone was nearby. "Since we're a group of pathetic losers, we've always had a party on Valentine's Day."

"Oi!" Kon exclaimed. "You're not a loser."

"Do you wanna go with me?"

"To the party?" Since Nnoitra talked so casually, Kon decided to respond the same way. "Sure. When will it start?" Valentine's was the upcoming weekend. There wasn't much time until then.

"Was thinkin' we could do something earlier in the day," Nnoitra suggested. "Like eat something. Check out the festival." That sounded more like a proper Valentine's date, and it was like music to Kon's ear. He had never had a Valentine's before! "And, if you'd like, you can stay over."

"Yeah?!" Stay over with Nnoitra...

"Ya've done it twice already," he pointed out like it wasn't a big deal. "We can stay here, or we can go back to my place."

"How long does it take to walk from here?" Sleeping at Nnoitra's was far more alluring.

"Dunno. Twenty minutes maybe." It was Kon's turn to startle. Nnoitra's hand came so swiftly up to tangle in his hair, pushing him closer to the other's face. Catching the implication he happily obliged, kissing Nnoitra with everything he had. Morning breath and all. That doesn't matter, as long as he gets to kiss Nnoitra. Parting their lips with just a hair's breadth, Nnoitra spoke. "So you want to?" he asked, for the first time this morning implying that he was nervous. The slight tremble in his voice made Kon smile brightly.

"Yeah. I want to."

~._.~

/AUTHORS NOTE

I have decided to only continue to upload this story on AO3.
You can find it there under the same name "Unpredictable".
Or search my username - Jinx_4_NME