Thank you to my P-buddies: SaffireSpirit13, TheButtGod, Zerak, Jacob Raymond, 9milli9, Bishop7053, Stealthkug, Sgt. Rock, Helios, Grim343, Vincent Mason, Noctis117, Zaccaria Babchia, aj0413, Tim Möller, Blahmeh, Fade, Definitely not Dio, Samot, , Dave, Sanjay, and Jmatt890.
And a special thank you to Joe, you absolute madman.
A/N: Sorry if this first chapter is slow, it's almost entirely based off the original version of this fic. Which is a Pokemon SI, so you can probably guess how it turned out.
This fic is in memory of Milo, my first cat. You were a piece of shit bastard to everyone except me, and I'll always love you for it.
The first thing that came to mind after being stolen across time in space, is that I'm never going to check the mail for the rest of my life.
One moment I was stepping outside in slippers and the shirt and shorts I'd decided to throw on for a typically lazy Sunday of having nowhere to be save my house, the next I'm stepping in wild grass and surrounded on all sides by trees and wildlife, and the buzzing of insects in the air.
Panic rushed through my veins quickly, before leaving even faster at the realization that I had absolutely no clue what the fuck was happening and that composure is the only thing I've got right now.
Hell, I don't even have a pair of shoes!
I let out a breath, finding the idly griping about circumstances was agreatway to calm down, and focused on what to do right at this moment. Despite having almost no wild-life experience, I did know that if you were lost somewhere you should stay where you are so that whoever would be looking for you can find you easier.
… But there are no defining landmarks near me, considering I just appeared between two trees in a dense part of the forest, and considering I disappeared in front of my house I don't think anyone would look for mewherever the hell I am.
'Sides, I'm a total homebody, so no one would mention anything until I didn't show up for school on Monday. Except that a lot of people skip in my school (I even took a day off because I tripped on some ice and didn't feel like walking with a bum knee all day) so even then it'd take at least two days.
Two days of staying in the same spot in the middle of nowhere, with absolutely nothing to indicate I'm here.
Yeah, no, I'd rather not speedrun dying of dehydration quite so quickly. So I scrounged up what little I knew about surviving and navigating the not-so-great outdoors, and made my way.
Moss needs moisture to grow, which means significant patches of the stuff point towards large amounts of water. Rivers, lakes, things of that nature. And since everything needs water to live, following the direction moss grows toward is the best way to find civilization if you don't have a map. Or a GPS. Or a phone, which I didn't bring with me considering I only planned to step outside for 45 seconds atmost.
This information took up a clean half of all the currently usable information I had out here, and the other was being put to the test as I spotted an odd bush.
Odd, because of a sickly sweet smell wafting off of it and the single blue…thinggrowing off of it.
I call it a thing because I'd never seen a berry the size of my fist before. Ignoring the, frankly, vomit-inducing stench I went closer to the overgrown fruit. Ignoring the gurgling of my stomach, I first closely examined the fruit as it was like nothing I'd ever seen before.
Aside from being big and blue, it also seemed to have a similar patterning of an orange, with the multiple freckle-like pores decorating the skin. Frowning, I first balled a bunch of my shirt around my hand, and then grabbed the berry.
Immediately I recognized that this thing, while looking like an evil orange, had the thin and rubbery outer skin of a plum. Carefully plucking the fruit so I didn't get turbo-cancer or some kind of alien disease from breaking the skin, I looked at it from all angles.
"... This is just a fucking plum, ain't it?" I muttered to myself, considering the possibility it was just the shiny version of a-
Pain lanced out from my shin, and I let out a scream as I quickly leaned to the side, falling over on my unoccupied arm instead of on my back. I glanced quickly from my injured leg, seeing it already begin to swell, to the motherfucking cocksucker who did this shit.
And then my brain stalled as I took in what was before me. It was a small, brown dog/cat/fox thing standing on three legs, it's front-left leg curled into the air and covered in a large purple scratch. A creamy beige tuft of hair that wrapped around it's leg like a scarf bristled aggressively, an unexpectedly terrifying grumble filling the air as dazzling amber eyes tried to pierce through me.
"Vee!" It snapped back, voice almost paradoxically cute compared to the damaged and aggressive figure the Eevee was giving off.
What.
That's a Pokemon.
What.
I'm holding an Oran Berry.
What.
Hard reset before it decides to slam into our fucking skull next.
I blinked rapidly, ignoring everything save the injuredPokemonin front of me, before holding out my hands.
"Whoa whoa whoa, time out. I'm sorry for…" The hit had come from the bush I'd been laying in, and the sickly smell was particularly pungent now that theEeveewas in front of me. Holy shit, I just robbed a Pokemon. "Standing outside your home and robbing you. I genuinely didn't know you or anyone had called dibs, I was just hungry."
The growling got lower in intensity, and with a wince the injured leg moved to point a paw at me. Then at the berry. Then at the Eevee.
"You want the berry." It wasn't a question, but as he asked my stomach panged to remind me why I'd even picked the berry in the first place. I was hungry, and this was the only thing I'd seen to eat in hours. My eyes narrowed, before looking down at the Eevee, and all knowledge of exactly how powerful Pokemon were faded away as I looked at it's leg.
I could probably outrun it. The thought struck me upside the head.
With how aggressive the Eevee was, it definitely could have just attacked me for the berry. Would have, if not for the injured leg.
I noticed its narrowed gaze, and wondered if it was less an intimidation factor and more it struggling to see me. I recognized the slight swaying of its body, the pungent scent and coloring informing me of the poison, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt I could take this berry and run without the slightest consequence.
I think it recognized the realization, as it's shoulders tightened in frustration at the fact.
I tossed the berry onto the ground in front of the Pokemon, and it's eyes widened in surprise and the fact I couldn't have this assault on my bad name stand, I made a joke.. "What, how can I possibly keep an appetite when I can smell you?"
"Vui- Ee! Eevee!" The indignation behind his words were as obvious as they were hilarious, and I merely chuckled at it.
"Yes you do, man. The nose knows." I mocked him, waving my hand in front of my face as the Eevee continued yipping at me to defend his honor. "Listen man, I'm sorry but you smell like hot ass."
And then the fucking prick tried to tackle myotherleg, thankfully I raised it out of the way, but I was still pissed.
"Oi, the fuck are you doing?!" He growled at me, and I glared back at him. "Don't give me that rabid animal bullshit, I'm asking-"
The buzzing I'd allowed to fade into the back of my mind was louder. Much, much,muchlouder, to the point it prevented me from tearing the fox a new one.
Using all the common sense I had, I pointedly did not turn to face the giant insect Pokemon that was behind us, and instead grabbed the small fox and ran for my fucking life.
Unfortunately, running through a dense forest in slippers is an exercise in futility.
Minor curses flowed like tap water while I ran from the giant insect, arms holding Eevee against my stomach like it was precious cargo while the piss-ant yipped incessantly at me, the sound of incoming trauma getting closer and closer.
"Shut the hell up, I'm running as fast as I can!" I snapped at the Pokemon, whose constant chatter grew more incessant at my words, despite the fact I obviously couldn't understand him. So I lifted the bastard up in front of me so I can give him a piece of my mind, only for him to suddenly stop speaking.
"Vee!" He barked, and for reasons I didn't understand I ducked, feelingsomethingspeed past my curly hair where my head was and stab straight into the ground.
I decided to hold him over my shoulder from now on, just to be safe. And while I could feel him shaking in fear, I also obeyed(?) all his commands to not get hit for fairly obvious reasons.
Adrenaline and terror make great energizers, as I lasted significantly longer than I should have while running away from afucking Pokemon. But all good things must come to an end, and my slippers were not made to run in.
So, I tripped. No, actually, that was understating it.
I ate shit in the most overdramatic and overstated fashion conceivable. It was a once in a lifetime level of fucking up that I'd probably receive an award for pulling such bullshit. If I survived, that is.
My slipper caught against a tree root on the ground, which allowed Mother Nature to fucking Judo-Flip me and send me tumbling like a blue hedgehog several feed forward until I crashed into a tree.
I wasn't even allowed the time to be dazed as the thing we'd been running from this entire time finally came into view. The first thing that came to mind when I spotted the Beedrill wasfuck its big.
The massive bee/wasp thing was at least three feet from hateful red eyes to the tips of it's dangling black feet. And while I could wax poetry all day about how, again, this giant hate-bug wasfucking massiveI instead focused on the two massive spears it had for hands.
Specifically how each one had the circumference of my chest and enough length to turn me into a living kebab through my stomach. But considering the probable concussion I'd just received, I don't think I'll be able to avoid that.
Slumped against a tree and killed by a fucking bug type on my first day. Yup, I'm going straight to the Isekai Hall of Shame.
And to make matters worse, an injured dog/cat/fox was standing between me and the Beedrill, barking and growling in my defense.
"Vee, fuck off and run." I growled, eyes flickering between the dumbass trying to kill me and the dumbass trying to save me. "You can barely stand on your own, don't bother."
The Pokemon glanced back at me, and barked far more aggressively at me than the Beedrill, before visibly dismissing me to continue trying to intimidate the fully evolved Pokemon.
… fine, I can take a hint.
I attempted to drag myself up, if someone's going to fight for my dumbass I can at least give 'em the curtesy to bark orders at 'em, but my noble final stand was interrupted by a gray streak sudden landing between Eevee and the Beedrill.
I blinked, looking at the spring-shaped tail with the white tuft of fur at the end, and my fucking nerd brain immediately put two and two together.
That's a fucking Glameow.
Before anyone could do more than gape dumbly or buzz threateningly at the intruder a sudden chill filled the air before abeam of light-blue energyslashed the bug across the chest, leaving a trail of instantly forming ice and an unconscious Beedrill in it's wake.
The bug crashed onto the ground, bouncing once before settling.
Eevee and I looked at each other, then at the unconscious bug, and at the cat currently trotting our way, before coming back to each other.
"... Thank you for the help, uh, Glameow." The cat meowed elegantly, like it didn't just one-shot something that had been terrorizing us for what felt like hours, before scrutinizing the both of us with a lazy eye.
It glanced at Eevee's leg, then my bruised everything, before it practically unhinged it's jaw in a yawn.
Despite myself I gave out the biggest, jaw unhinging yawn of my entire life without even the slightest bit of hesitation. Tears pricked my eyes as I felt completely exhausted- and then I realized.
"Oh you motherf-"
Magically, I fell asleep before I could finish cussing out the damn cat.
A/N: If anyone recognizes this story, no you don't.
