Author's Note:
Hello Everyone! Sorry for how long it's been. I'm here today to tell everyone that I have been officially working on rewriting Modern Day into a novel that will be called Modern Day Immortal. I've been converting it and writing new material, and overall rewriting just about every word over the last 5 years. Please check out my bio for more information.
Anyone who wants to be added to a mailing list, please email me at ukchanak atsign gmail . com. I am also going to be trying to post on tiktok under "Ukchana K" (atsign ukchana . writes) If you're on Discord I'm going to post an invite to my server on my bio. Please join me on my journey to professionally publish this!
love you all,
Ukchanak (Julie)
Chapter 5
Wolfpack Island
June 12th, 2002
Filia kissed him hard.
—You can't chase me away,— she pummeled his mind, —I'm never leaving you.—
He began to sob as he desperately kissed her back.
Filia pushed all of her emotion into the kiss, until her lips hurt and the sickly purple miasma had seeped away into the floor, leaving only the dim, brassy glow of the torches. Finally, she had to pull away. "Xellos—" she tried to speak, but tears poured from his hollow gaze, and she simply pulled him close to hold him and rocked his limp form. "It's alright."
"No," he mumbled to her, but found purchase around her shoulders, awkwardly fumbling her into his lap. "I'm not good for you."
She glared at him in the dim light, lifting a hand to brush away his tears. "That is absolutely bullshit."
He blinked and gaped at her. "Filia, you- you swore."
"Yes, I did!" she readjusted her position in his lap with annoyance. "You have always been an idiot, but that takes the cake!"
"You really need to learn some new idioms," he joked weakly, dropping his hands to wrap around her bottom and provide a better seat.
The blonde gave him a lopsided smile and went back to brushing his cheeks, touching his pale skin with the back of her hand. "You're so cold." He really doesn't seem well, she mused to herself. "Every time we're not together, you seem to get worse," she told him, rubbing his shoulders gently.
"But it's better for you," his dulled voice tried to protest her attentions. As shock began to dissipate from him, the violet of his eyes slowly returned. "I wanted to keep you safe," he said simply.
"Nonsense," she tried turning more fully, but found her knee caught under his chin and the tangle of their limbs even more irritating. "Ugh, tight skirts are so stupid, who created them?" she grumbled. "And this floor is filthy."
He released her as she moved to stand. She grabbed his arm to pull him, but he protested and refused to get up.
"Xellos, come on," she glared at him until he rose on his own. "No running away again," she shook a finger at him, and he gave her a pained, offended look. "I'm taking you home."
"You talk like I'm some kind of stray–"
"Quiet!" She beamed triumphantly and suddenly wrapped her arms around him, and he had to catch himself to reassert his footing. "You're coming home and I'm going to take care of you, you idiot."
He clutched her tightly, voice wobbling. "Okay."
(-(-o-)-)
Dimensional Bubble
Zellas' Island
Valgaav was quick to notice their entering of the warded bubble dimension, and within moments he was standing outside the house, staring up at the open window of the second floor where Filia had teleported herself and Xellos.
"Val?" Iyzeka peered out from behind him.
He sighed at her affectation of cuteness, but let it melt him just a little. "Something's wrong. Why are they in her bedroom?" Just in time he realized and shouted, "NO!" before she could speak, "A different reason!"
"Oh," she frowned, squishing her face up. "Uh . . ." Chuckling nervously, she shrugged. "I have no idea!" Pausing, she brought a finger to her lips and murmured, "You said you talked to him and he was fine. . ."
He frowned and gave a heavy sigh, glaring up at the window. "Well, Mom did always say he was a master of trickery and lies. Come on!"
Teleporting up to the hallway, he found his mother just closing the door. "Eep!" she cried as she turned to find him behind her. "Val, you startled me! Don't do that," she sighed heavily, then gave him a tired smile.
He narrowed his eyes at her. "Mom . . . what's up with Xellos? And why are you wearing that outfit?" Crossing his arms, he peered at her suspiciously.
"Wha-what?" Shock, then offense straightened her posture and she glared back, crossing her arms over the revealing blouse. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're rather judgmental?"
"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so out with it," Val insisted. "After everything that's happened, I can't handle anything else going wrong," his voice raised and his chest tightened. "I can't." He struggled to breathe for a moment.
Filia blinked in surprise and concern. "Val, are you alright?" She touched his arm, and he shook his head.
"I don't know." Raising his golden gaze to her and still holding his chest, he demanded, "Is Xellos alright? Please, Mom. I knew something was wrong, and he swore it wasn't true. Did he lie to me?"
"Oh Val, he's just. . ." Her eyes slid to the side and he glowered at her.
"Don't you dare!" his voice raised again, and she winced.
Filia nodded and acquiesced. "He's not doing well," she admitted, voice subdued and expression falling. "I wish I had studied psychology more." Pain and confusion twisted her features, and Val moved to quickly hug her. "Oh, Val," she embraced him back. "I'm so worried about him."
"Well," his low voice rumbled against her as he held her tight, "I guess it's good I went to college for so long. Did you forget already?" He pulled back and gave her an encouraging smile. "I have a BA in Psychology."
With a bang that made them both jump, the door to the bedroom was flung open. "I can hear you two gossiping about me," Xellos informed them with a tired smirk. "Cowardly of you. Really: anything you have to say, you can say to my face."
"I have a question," Val stepped up to him, towering over the demon. "Whom do you prefer: Freud or Jung?"
(-(-o-)-)
"I'm pretty certain this is a conflict of interest," Xellos groused from where he sat on the couch in the den.
"Well then," Val smirked from the desk, "it's a good thing Lady Zellas has no state statutes on ethics." He quirked his lips for a moment. "I mean, what does she count as, anyway? Certainly not a constitutional monarchy."
Xellos threw up his hands. "Evil dictatorship."
"That's not a nice way to speak about your mother."
Xellos glared at him. "I'm leaving now."
"Tea time!" Filia's voice called into the room as she interrupted the men, carrying a tray of tea and little cookies. "And you're not going anywhere, Xellos. If you leave," she set the tray down and leaned over to peer defiantly into his surprised violet eyes, "I'll cry."
He winced. "How manipulative of you." Defeated, his shoulders slumped and he reached for a cookie. Filia poured them all tea. He picked up the cup and stared into the steam for a few moments, watching his wobbling reflection, before partaking of both. "What if I don't want to talk," he asked in the following silence.
The dragoness sat next to him; she'd changed into a far more comfortable long white caftan dress. After his hand was free, she tried to take it, then scowled as he shook his head and wiped it on a napkin first. "Oh my Gods, you're so . . ." Grabbing his now-clean hand, she held it in her lap and squeezed tightly.
"Fastidious?"
"Finicky." But her smile broke through and she leaned against him. "You should let Val help you."
He looked down at their hands and sighed. "We don't have time. And it's just . . . a lot right now. I'm not really sure what's wrong with me, myself."
Val nodded and frowned at the two thoughtfully, rubbing his chin with a hand. "Well, it's either magical, psychological, or physiological. Which for you would be bio-electro-magnetism; perhaps more a case for a physicist. . . Good thing I have that degree, too."
"Discussion is irrelevant," Xellos pointed out. "Iyzeka has probably already run to tell Mistress Zellas about all of this, and she'll be here soon to punish me."
"Nope," Val leaned back in the chair and shook his head. "I told her not to. Lady Zellas doesn't need to know right now. The only reason Iyzeka isn't here is because I suggested you would want to talk in private. It's not really her business until and unless you want to make it her business."
Xellos inhaled unsteadily, then blinked down at his tea again, trying to control the sudden flood of emotion. "Thank you."
"So," Val began, "you being alone. Not good."
"I can see that degree really helped," Xellos teased halfheartedly.
"Quiet." The boy sipped his own tea, mulling over something. "We don't have a lot of time, that's true. We need you to teach Mom and I how to fight. And probably Iyzeka; she had some trouble with combat. Not really her skills, but she got very upset when she had to kill the other Mazoku."
Xellos's mouth hung open a bit. "I . . . I didn't know that."
"It's been a busy week," Valgaav conceded. "But, we can't afford for you to have any more mental breakdowns. Or any more suicide attempts," he stressed, peering into Xellos's eyes until the demon had to look away.
Beside him, Filia swallowed but didn't say anything at first. However she released his hand just to wrap her arm around his waist and pull him closer. "You promised you wouldn't leave me," she finally spoke in a small voice, blinking rapidly. "You promised Val, too."
Xellos hung his head. "I . . . I know. I apologize." He had so much more to say, but no words would come to him.
"We're not here to make Xellos feel bad, Mom," Val admonished her gently, then looked to the demon. "Seriously, Xellos. I don't want that." He looks pensive for a moment. "But I would really like to hear why you felt like you had to sacrifice yourself. If you feel up to talking about it."
Xellos sighed and looked down at the coffee table. "Even if I don't feel like it, I really probably should." There just isn't any more time to waste. With only thirty days to turn them into an elite team of magical warriors, he couldn't afford to wallow any further. He cursed his own broken psyche. "Not much of a general anymore, am I?" he snorted glumly.
Val nodded slowly. "PTSD, I figure." Xellos blinked and shook his head, but Val held up a hand. "It happens. I'm not an expert but I've heard of it happening decades later for humans. It can't be that different for demons." Silence followed before Val continued, "You did fight in a war–"
"No," Xellos interrupted, "I mean, yes but I never had a problem with it," he insisted. HIs head began to ache again, and he rubbed his forehead with the hand that wasn't holding Filia's.
She immediately straightened and leaned over him. "Xellos, it's okay."
He focused on shutting down the receptors in the body; even the light seemed to hurt, and he felt dizzy, but as long as he held onto her hand, perhaps the visions wouldn't return. . .
"Okay, Val," the dragoness spoke softly to her son, "I think that's enough for now. Xellos needs to rest."
Xellos covered his eyes with his hands and felt Filia's cool hand on his back, rubbing in circles; his control over the new physical body was flimsy, and in his panic a hissing noise began like waves, waves against a shore . . . The sounds of Val responding and getting up to leave faded into the background, and in the darkness behind his eyelids, he began to see a glowing red, like a ruddy gibbous moon. . .
"Xellos . . . Xellos!"
He jerked at her shaking him gently, raising his head and finding the two of them alone in the study. "Phy." Still seated on the couch, he took her outstretched arm and pulled her close.
"You're trembling," she murmured. "Come on." Pulling him up, she held him close and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm taking you to bed."
He clung to her tightly and found the images in his mind fading; the ocean hiss resolved into wind through the trees outside. "Okay," he whispered.
Filia led him into the bedroom, and once again he found himself standing by the bed and admiring the perfectly fitting color scheme. Pale pink and faded gold; white and cream; faded rose drapes and chiffon curtains brightened the room and made it seem larger.
The lights were off, however, and she only cast a small spell to light a few votive candles on a dresser. He winced at the afternoon sun filtering through the drapes, so she left him at the bed and went to close them. "Get undressed," she ordered as she returned, and he blinked uneasily.
"Uh, that's rather forward."
She gave him an unimpressed glare, hands on her hips, but a blush still slipped past her defenses and colored her cheeks. "Nothing's going to happen."
He smiled, caught in the deep cerulean of her eyes, and felt the coils around his heart loosen. "I know."
Smiling back, she returned to him and went to hug him, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm not sure you should wear these clothes anymore," she murmured softly, and he raised his head in surprise to look into her eyes.
"Oh?"
"It might be triggering you," she admitted, regret lingering on her face. "I know it's what you wore when we first met, and the decades we got to know each other then. It holds a lot of memories for me. But it was kind of your uniform during the war, too, wasn't it?"
He nodded, and released her to begin undressing, each piece vanishing as soon as he dropped them until he was down to underwear. Unlike previous times, he could tell she was too concerned to become titillated, so he simply slipped into the bed under the covers. "You know it's the middle of the day," he commented dryly.
She drew closer and gave him a sweet smile, reaching out to ruffle his hair. "It's always the middle of the day, here. It's a bubble dimension. And who cares? It's whatever time we want it to be. Time doesn't matter right now." With a blush, she began removing the long dress, pulling it over her head to reveal red lace underclothes, and folded it and set it aside. She smoothed her long blonde hair that had caught and been disturbed by the dress removal, then turned back to face him.
In the candle-light, her skin glowed marmalade, and he looked her up and down in surprise. "Those aren't the lingerie you bought in China and they're certainly not what you had before."
"No," she frowned, "that all was left behind. Unless you were able to get it brought past the shield along with my mace." She crossed her arms under her breasts with a trace of irritation.
He grinned in appreciation, and at her clear lack of awareness. "I might have. So where did you get those?"
She scoffed. "Zellas, of course. Why do you think it's see-through?" she grumbled, then pushed at his shoulder gently. "Move over and stop ogling at me. It's not like you've never seen me in my underwear."
He did as she commanded, but still watched her as she got into bed with him, her movement making the shadows dance across the room. "I will never tire of it." A bit of uncertainty flickered across his face as she neared, and her warmth in the darkness enveloped him as she slipped her arms and legs around him. "F-Filia."
"Now who's blushing," she touched his face, holding him in the bed. "Skin-to-skin contact is good for healing," she insisted, and he chuckled.
"Fi," he murmured, his amusement strangled by overwhelming emotions. Unable to speak more, he just gripped her tightly, brushing a hand through her hair.
"This is what I want," she told him in the warm, lipid darkness. "You are what I want."
Words failed him until her bare leg running along his own recombined the emotions into lust. "Are you sure?"
"By Cepheid, you're stubborn," she giggled, pulling herself up to lean over him and give him a gentle kiss. "Have I ever backed down before?"
"I'm dangerous–" her raucous laughter stopped him and he flushed, "No, really, and you know that–"
"Better than anyone," she countered firmly, holding him down as she rolled on top of him to stare down at him. "I've seen all of you. I've seen everything you are–"
"You only think that–"
"I LOVE you so shut up!" she snarled at him, then kissed him forcefully and long as if to make sure he obeyed.
Xellos kissed her back, liquid warmth flooding his human form and switching on all the receptors he'd previously shut down. Dammit. He tried to come up for air, but she was putting her full weight on him, and even in human form she was twice as heavy as a human woman her size.
Rolling her over, he pulled back long enough to find a sensitive spot behind her ear to lick, informing her in a low tone, "We're not having sex."
Moaning and squirming beneath him, she grumbled, "I never . . . I mean–"
He nibbled on her neck and she writhed in pleasure. "See, that right there. We can't do that." She growled and he chuckled. "Well, maybe a little."
"A little sex?" Her tone was both hopeful and hesitant.
With a sigh, he drew away and fell back on the bed to look at her. "You're a virgin. And inexperienced." He reached out for her hand to soften the blow. "And I want you to feel comfortable and not regret anything afterwards."
She squeezed his hand and glanced down sheepishly. "You're probably right. I just missed you so much." Giving him an uneasy look, she swallowed. "So . . ."
He gave her a pained smile and brushed his mind against hers. —I don't really have a response yet,— he sent her, —and I know that's not what you want to hear.—
Expression falling, Filia released his hand and turned away from him in the bed. "You coward! Nobody is here to eavesdrop!"
He sighed, sensing her mind switching over from lust to anger; windows of opportunity closing. "Please, Fi. I'm just really confused right now." His own desperation began to build, and he reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, relieved when she didn't flinch away. "I've been through a lot. I'm just not ready and I'm already feeling overwhelmed, but you know how I feel. And there's never been anyone else but you."
Closing his eyes, he pulled his hand back and withdrew his mind, hoping to give her space but anxiously waiting for her to reply.
(-(-o-)-)
She glared at the flickering candles. Really, Filia, what's wrong with you? "I'm going to put on some music," she said suddenly. Standing up, she avoided looking at him and went over to the desk, but still felt his eyes on her as she moved.
She'd created a record-player, and records from her memory of the songs she loved, but hadn't gotten to test it yet. I wonder if they'll work. She figured maybe she should try the ones without lyrics, first. I'm not sure I remembered the words right.
Putting on a record of some slow flute music, she dropped the needle onto the spinning record and it began to play. Taking a few deep breaths, she shoved the pain down, and turned to face Xellos again.
"I understa–" she choked on the words, a sob escaping. Dammit. Tears flooded her eyes.
"Come here," he said, getting up from the bed to go to her. She nodded and let him wrap his arms around her; they held each other in the middle of the room. She leaned her head against his shoulder and allowed herself to weep quietly as he rocked her in his arms, rubbing her back gently.
"I'm sorry," she finally got out.
"Don't be," his soft tenor murmured warm against her hair. "You're everything to me." He squeezed her, and she could hear the hitch in his voice. "I can't lose you, Filia. I've never felt this way about anything, or anyone."
In the darkness, she blinked back tears that fell onto his bare skin. "Really? Not even Lina?"
"No," he said swiftly, his grip tightening around her. "I'm not sure what it was. Infatuation. Curiosity. Friendship for someone who didn't understand what having a friend was like." At her mild confusion, he laughed, "Me, Filia. I'm talking about me."
"I knew that," she muttered, and clung tighter to him. "I always worried that you would kill her if you got a chance." She immediately regretted saying it aloud, but it felt like the moment for truths, even painful ones, to come out.
He simply rubbed her back, remaining calm. "I can see why you did." He pulled away just enough to look at her, with a stoic intensity. "I feared I would, too, sometimes." He brushed a lock of her hair out of her eyes and studied her, his own violet gaze concerned. "It should have scared you, but you never had any fear."
She smiled back sheepishly. "I think I was too young and stupid. But then you proved to me you wouldn't hurt me," she admitted. He shook his head slowly, puzzled, but she only beamed at him. "You have an integrity that you just don't see, even now. It's innate, Xellos. Even back then, it was."
He gave a quiet chuckle, but his eyes were flinty. "I hope you accept that I remain vigilant. Especially after what happened today." His arms tightened around her. "I can't trust myself so easily, Fi."
With a frown, she pulled back to glare up at him. "You're worth it. You know? The risk."
"No. I'm not." He was no less firm in his stance, and his gaze hardened even as he raised a hand to gently touch her face. "But I'm not strong enough to leave you," his voice broke and he gave her a brittle smile. "And you're too stubborn."
She nodded and leaned up to kiss him, breaking away just long enough to say, "Don't you ever forget it," before deciding to try sticking her tongue in his mouth again.
