Authors Note: Here be sort of the end, like I said I'm gonna write the continuation in a different story. Also just a note throughout my series, sometimes you'll read references to things not canon but those moments will be included in other chapters, that way the same conversations don't happen for the whole story. Thank you to all the lovely people who commented and left kudos, and thanks for your patience and sticking with the story!
Judging by the lack of feeling in his lower extremities, John knows they have traveled far in a relatively short time. If not for their horses needing rest and him actually needing to eat, they would not be stopping here. The last thing he wants to do is sit at a table after hours on that saddle, and he will not admit out loud how much everything aches just sitting here. Breakfast, or lunch rather, had been a simple meal. He is nauseous enough as it is from drinking so much on an empty stomach, only to have to get back on the saddle and ride several more hours at least.
Ian returns to the table with a mug of ale, and sets a cup of steaming hot tea in front of him.
"Thank you," John assumes one day he will be able to control his response when seeing a cup of tea, especially since he can't explain the reason why – which in and of itself is not funny in any way – but for now he covers his mouth, barely suppressing his giggles.
"What?" Ian asks.
"I may have to start drinking coffee…" but who is he kidding? Fixing it exactly how he likes, John closes his eyes as he takes that first long sip. It is precisely what he needs. "I'll just stick with hot tea…" Ian looks confused, his gaze lingering longer as if concerned, but he smiles anyway.
"So, I spoke with the barkeep, he said they stopped here and stayed for a few hours. I've a feelin' she's deliberately slowin' 'em down. If her note was anythin' to go by, she'll be deeply disappointed if ya don' show up."
John sets down his tea with a soft, "Hmm, the note she left me did not state that quite so plainly. It is fortunate you were here with them."
"Aye, well, I wasna even plannin' on comin' with 'em after last time, but Bree asked me because she didna want Uncle Jamie and Aunt Claire makin' that return journey alone."
There is a hint of sullenness to Ian's voice, the fact that he is here now just proves the strength of the man's honor even more, "It was kind of you to agree. As a parent I can understand how that will be an incredibly difficult and lonely journey."
"Well between the two of us, they willna be alone now…" Ian says emphatically.
John smiles, "Indeed." Neither the journey there or back would be easy – emotionally or physically. While he is in no way looking forward to it, he hopes their presence will bring a small measure of comfort once she and Jemmy are gone. "But really, Ian, you did not have to stay behind on my behalf, and I cannot thank you enough for it."
He waves a dismissive hand as if it's nothing, "Dinna fash. My cousin deserves happiness and its obvious you make her happy."
"Obvious, is it?"
"And what're you smirkin' about?"
He can't help it, "Nothing. I only wish I had not been quite so blind to what was right in front of me."
"Eh, happens to the best of us."
John studies the man before him. Having never met Ian, he's having a hard time reconciling that this is the same confident, adventurous and joyful nephew Jamie spoke of so fondly. There is a sadness about his eyes, but that doesn't make him appear weak, or any less impressive. Perhaps he is even more so as he, too, has survived some extraordinary circumstances.
"Forgive me, I regret that we set out without speaking much. Jamie has spoken of you so highly and so often I've been hoping we'd eventually meet." This seems to surprise Ian, and his fierce expression softens.
"I was hopin' to meet ya as you well. I never had the chance to thank ya for the aid you gave us in Jamaica. Uncle Jamie says it was quite the show." Ian says. The look that comes over the man's face is brief but it's one John recognizes. With what he remembers of 'Lady Abernathy', and what he learned yesterday from Jamie and Claire, he doesn't need to be told the details to know it was horrific.
"I wish I had known or had been able to help sooner," John tells him, a twinge of regret to his words, but then he could only smirk at the memory, "Your Uncle may have exaggerated a bit. I probably shouldn't admit how much actual joy I felt putting that self-righteous little…captain in his place. I had half a mind to lock him and his crew in the cells until you were all safely away." Ian smiles just a little and John will make sure to steer the rest of the conversation as far from Jamaica as possible.
"You wan'ta ask, don't ya?"
"Ask what?
Ian leans in with a crooked conspiratorial smile, lowering his voice, "About the stones…" Looking around the dining area it is not too crowded, but there are just enough people they should keep their voices down.
John leans in as well, "I do want to ask, but I did not want that to be all we spoke of. I meant it when I said I have looked forward to meeting you." He sits back in his chair, "But since you brought it up…"
Ian lets out a laugh, sits back and takes a longer drink of ale, "I was playing' with Jemmy one afternoon, holdin' out an opal for 'im to take. He dropped it and said it burned his hands, then it broke – just split right in half. They all kept talkin' 'bout hearin' some loud noise; I guess only people who can travel hear it. I was relieved when Uncle Jamie said the stone was cold and he heard nothing. And that's the day I found out Aunt Claire and Brianna and Roger weren' from around here…"
"It doesn't bother you then?" Another mirthful smile takes over as he shakes his head.
"I've always known Auntie Claire was magic. The stories I was told growin' up she was like a myth in our house. When I finally met her she looked and sounded so normal it was almost disappointing. But then they told me the rest of the story…"
"I know…" John agrees, even though Ian can't find the words. "You said Brianna deserves to be happy, but don't we all deserve to find love and have our hopes realized? Since you found out, have you felt…angry at all? Do you feel blessed by fate to know about it?"
"I'm no' sure about all that. I can say for a time I was bitter – jealous that they were goin' ta be able to escape to a much better and safer time. It's why I wanted to go with'em the first time. Why, is that how you feel about knowing?"
"In all honesty, I don't know yet. Like you, I'm jealous they get live in and experience that world. Mostly, I just wish there was more rhyme or reason as to who can travel, or exceptions should be made. Jamie is the one person who absolutely should be allowed but forever he must remain here knowing his family will never be entirely complete – unless they decide to stay and live in a much more savage time and place."
"I agree with ya, there."
John is not one for fantasy nor would he ever be so enchanted by the idea of something so preposterous. Part of him still wants to believe it is just that, a temporary insanity afflicting all of them and it is just a matter of time before logic and reason take back over. His gut refuses to give in to that notion, reminding him that what they are experiencing is very much real and he must reconcile that in his own mind.
John crosses his forearms, resting them on the table, "If you could travel, would you go back to undo the choice you made to sell Roger to the Mohawk?" There is a moment of long silence, Ian's gaze becomes fixed and pensive.
"I couldna…" Ian's eyes close, shaking his head, "I couldna go back. Leavin' the Mohawk hurt… there are things I lost; I can' imagine I'll find love like that again, and I hope I never have ta experience the losses I suffered a second time. Even if I did go ta the future, there's no guarantee I'd find love or be any happier than I am here. And there aren' many people who'd understand why I wear this." He says, motioning to his Native American attire, "It's part of who I am now and having a life where that didna happen just doesna make sense. If I could gain all that without ever sellin' him and causin' all that pain absolutely, I'd go back. But there was no other way that would have happened. God that sounds awful to say…" he scoffs, taking another drink of ale.
"It is not truly awful. I have a child because of all this…were it not for Claire having to leave I would never have gained guardianship of my son. I, too, cannot imagine my life without him, despite the pain it caused Jamie."
"It confuses me that Auntie Claire came through at all, ya know? They said ya have ta picture home or focus on your heart's desire. Uncle Jamie wasna her heart's desire the first time, and she couldna envision the place – or time – she landed."
"So I suppose, in that sense, fate absolutely wanted Claire and her daughter to be here."
"Aye…so it would so seem,"
It's almost a comfort to realize it – it means Jamie was never meant to be his. Even if it were possible for he and Jamie to be together, his history with Isobel would have repeated itself – making each other miserable simply because they were not born the right person for each other. For all his pining over all these years, perhaps they've been in and out of each other's lives for Brianna to eventually find her way to him.
"My imagination was better than reality, though." Ian continues in the silence, "When Aunt Claire told me they travelled through stones, I tried ta imagine all the different ways of how it works. But, in that forest there was nothin' that moved or made noise, there were no pagan words or spells or rituals. They all placed their hands on the stone at the same time and they were gone."
"That's the way Jamie described it."
Ian nods, "There was nothin' unique about 'em, either. Ya'd think a circle of giant stones in the middle of a forest would stand out, but I wouldna've paid particular attention if not told to. I genuinely and desperately wanted to go through with them; it wasna possible. It was just as well, though, that was perhaps the weirdest trip in my entire life. And not weird in a supernatural sense – Brianna and Roger didna speak unless it was to Jemmy. They talked ta me a few times separately as well, it made for a long two weeks. Even though Bree and Jemmy didna go anywhere, they still vanished. A few minutes later Jemmy was runnin' back ta me like it was some big game of hide 'n seek, but Roger was gone."
"And Jeremiah was alright?"
"Seemed to be. Brianna was…her mood was just odd after that. I don' wan'ta say she was relieved that he didna return with them, but…she didna bang on the stones or cry or scream like a woman who just lost the man she loved, either somewhere in time or that he had died. I didn' know what ta feel after that. Roger and I came to respect each other, when I first returned to the Ridge he still wasna able to talk. We were…both in a dark place. I didna ken him well, so I canna say I didna trust him. But maybe it was more I got the sense that he really didna wan'ta be here, that they werena happy."
John can't help but think of Jamie on that regrettable night back at Ardsmuir while playing chess. When Jamie confessed to having wished Hal had shot him, John admitted he felt similarly after Culloden. It was an honest admission and one he has not shared with anyone since then. It is rare to find someone who can understand that level of pain and darkness, and it grieves his heart that whatever burden Ian carries, it reaches that level, too.
"I imagine that was not an easy thing after you took his place among the Mohawk…"
He huffs softly, "Givin' myself over to the Mohawk was almost easy. I didna even hesitate that day. There was no other way for Roger ta be released…and it was my fault. Sellin' him was my idea when I thought he was the one who hurt Bree. He suffered…and Brianna did too. Uncle Jamie…he was beside himself with guilt – worried the whole trip he'd lose 'er forever if we didna find Roger and bring him home. And he was right."
"He was right, indeed. When we first met, Brianna implied that her father was completely without honor."
His eyebrows raise as an amused expression takes over his features, "Oh, that's right. Uncle Jamie asked you ta look in on 'er."
"He did. She was – she is so…"
"So much like Aunt Claire?"
"Exactly like her!" John allows himself to laugh with Ian, waiting to his catch his breath before continuing, "She is exactly like Jamie as well, even though he did not raise her. And while she might take it as a compliment now, I would never have told her that back then," he pauses for a breath, still chuckling to himself as he looks around the room to make sure he is not drawing attention, "And not that I was expecting to get proposed to anytime soon, but when she asked me…at first I thought she just had an odd but slightly adorable sense of humor. I started to laugh; then when I saw she was serious I was both flattered and confused and then just worried that Claire and Jamie would murder me and bury me on the Ridge somewhere."
"Aye, we might have been kin, then…"
We still might be… he almost adds, but that is getting way ahead of himself.
"It was possible if Roger did not return." He says softly, "And I'm not sure if it helps at all, but I think that they were happy together, right up until the end, anyway."
Once more, Ian leans in a little closer, "Forgive me if I'm askin' outta turn here, but I get the sense you didna like Roger."
John shrugs, not sure if he succeeds at trying to appear indifferent, "I really only met him once at the wedding, we saw each other in passing the few times I was on the Ridge."
"Aren' there rules about ex-fiancés attendin' the weddin'?" Ian's eyes are accusatory, but there is a teasing edge to his voice.
"I'm sure there are. It was announced, but technically we were never engaged. I assured her that even if we had married for the sake of her reputation, she'd be released without fault when Roger came back alive. If it were any of the other men, they likely would not have released her quite as easily."
"Is that when ya developed feelin's for her?"
"Not exactly. A deep and abiding respect for her developed first. Even though I'm older and a part of me wanted to help or protect her if I could; I didn't want or try to be a father figure to her, she already has two of those. We became friends gradually and I enjoy her company. Besides, she would have felt guilty if we married in those circumstances, and I too would have felt as though she would never be fully happy with me. Maybe we would have eventually found our way, discovered our feelings for each other, but I will admit I am glad it did not happen that way."
"What was their weddin' like?"
John raises his gaze to meet Ian's, about to ask why he didn't already know, or why hadn't he spoken to Brianna or Roger before now. But it makes sense Ian would not want to sit around and ask about all the celebratory times that went on without him.
"It was beautiful – she was stunning. He was nervous. They were happy."
"Ya sound quite sad about that…" Ian says with an uneasy chuckle. John doesn't take his eyes off the teacup, tapping his gold ring against the handle. Despite the overall joy of that occasion, it is one of his most bitter memories.
"That is also the night I had to tell Jamie that Bonnet was still alive. I did not know at the time Brianna was nearby and heard me, it ruined the night for her...and the next several months."
Ian rolls his eyes full of disgust and scoffs, "Och, thank god that bastard is dead." He seethes quietly through clenched teeth.
"I'll drink to that. Killed by Brianna's own hand or so I'm told…"
"Aye, she is an incredibly good shot…" Ian is obviously proud of his cousin's unique if not unorthodox abilities, just as he is.
When he learned of what transpired, how Bonnet had taken her and held her against her will, had she not killed him he would have done it himself. It's ironic since John didn't even want her to see Bonnet hanged and she ends up being his executioner. Were John able to make it in time he would have been there with her to witness it – hell, he would have loaded the gun for her.
Leaning forward, he rests his elbows on the table, "I'm not avoiding your question about Roger. I know it may sound unsympathetic, and I in no way believe he deserved any of what happened to him. You said you had to watch Jamie grieve for months. I had to watch how much she worried...she was terrified, not just of losing Roger and one – or both – of her parents, but the prospect of having to marry someone she just met to protect her reputation and take care of her child. Brianna told me that she instructed her parents to tell Roger everything, so he could make the most informed decision. She knew there was a chance he wouldn't stay even if returned; before she knew what his decision would be she was defending him."
"Aye, but again that was my fault, if I hadna…"
"This isn't about fault, it's…" John interrupts softly, taking a moment to breathe and plan out his words, "More than once I promised Brianna that her parents would return and Roger along with them, and eventually that was true. I understand there was a lot for him to process, but he had months between New York and North Carolina, and on the day her parents arrived he still had not made up his mind. He traveled through time to be with her, then crossed the ocean and yet circumstances that were not her fault gave him that much pause? They were hand-fast; he vowed for better or worse, in sickness and in health…he should have been the first one down that road to River Run. Jamie and Claire should have been unable to keep up with him."
"I kinda feel like there is a little more to it than that..."
John huffs a small if not bitter laugh, every member of the Fraser clan is entirely too perceptive for his comfort. There was a time he was adept in masking his features, careful to never reveal any and all emotions he might be feeling. He wonders what happened to it, or if it is only when regarding Brianna he cannot seem to hide.
"When her parents first returned without him…she wrote me a letter asking that I come and help her speak with her parents – that we'd likely have to go through with the marriage if I was still amenable to it. I wrote a reply; I'm not sure she ever received it. But reading those words, she…she was – heartbroken isn't a strong enough description."
John cringed, overcome with those emotions as if feeling them for the first time, grief for Brianna, a new rage towards Roger. The alleged husband was not the only one with a lot to process as the letter trembled in John's hand, and even with all he suffered and lost in his own life he was unable to fully fathom the anguish that Brianna had so unfairly suffered. He'll never forget those words as he read them, her shame and despair weighted every word explaining how after her parents told Roger everything, her being violated and pregnant was clearly something he couldn't or didn't want to deal with.
The true depth and volatile intensity of blame that Brianna placed on herself is something that shocked and worried him the first time he witnessed it. And that short period of time before Roger returned only reinforced that shame to even deeper levels. Then for Roger to show up later, acting like an honorable man or like he was some hero for doing what he should have done to begin with still makes his blood boil.
He picks up his tea to calm himself before making a public scene. Like whiskey, it burns his throat on the way down, and while it soothes his nerves, he longs for the numbness that comes with alcohol.
"What did it say?"
"Hmm?"
"Yer response…ta her letter,"
He does often wonder who received it. The letter did not go into much detail; not that he anticipated anyone intercepting it, but there were still private matters contained within. She was still at River Run when he replied, they could have sent it on to Fraser's Ridge, or tossed it in a fire. For all he knows, Brianna herself never read those words and he doesn't like the idea of someone else hearing them before she does.
But it appears he doesn't have to worry as Ian is just smiling from one ear to the other.
"We shouldna stay too much longer if we wan'ta catch up…" he suggests instead. John finishes the last of his tea, stands up and stretches. On the way out he thanks the barkeep as he hands him the money for both of their meals. As they reach their horses, John just holds the reigns.
"I know this may sound crazy, but can we walk for a short while?"
Ian laughs with a joke about John being an old man, but mercifully agrees.
By the time they catch up, days have passed. If Ian had any indication John himself had started delaying their arrival, he was kind enough to not mention it. Given his time with the Mohawk, John gets the sense that Ian does not like closed in spaces as they mostly camped out instead of staying at the few inn's they passed. In any other circumstance John might have complained or at least gotten the room for himself to sleep in, but Ian is doing him a huge favor. The last time he had to sleep on the hard ground was during the war, but being in the wide-open country, beside a fire and under the stars, gave him a new appreciation for the experience. Ian proved to be good company and he understands Jamie's love and admiration for him on a much deeper level.
But when they saw the last Inn on the journey before they'll reach the forest, Ian didn't hesitate to stop. Only Jamie was still awake and sitting at the bar, both Ian and John managed to sneak by without him seeing them. More than the actual bed to sleep on, John only cared about soaking in the hottest water he could stand until the ache in his muscles ceased. After the hot bath and a good night sleep in an actual bed, it's taken almost the full day for them to reach the edge of the forest and John knows they may have another night of camping out before starting their return journey.
There is not much of a reaction when they finally reach the wagon. Claire doesn't seem to notice as she is holding the reigns and steering their wagon. Brianna looks tired and is clearly anxious, but a look of pure relief takes over when she sees him and she smiles. He expects she might have greeted him but Jemmy is held against her chest, sound asleep. Jamie is ahead of them, but he slows down, falling back to where they are.
"I've never seen ya lookin' quite so disheveled, Lord Grey."
"Ya shoulda seen 'im last night when we arrived," Ian responds before John can speak.
"You're both hysterical."
"I ken," Jamie says and Ian chuckles to himself, riding closer to the wagon beside Brianna. When they originally set out, John had not wanted to delay any longer, yet the closer they got the slower he wanted to travel. He wanted to spare them both what would have been an awkward and long, drawn-out goodbye. Which, he suspects, is precisely why Brianna left the way she did.
John can scarcely remember the last time he shared his bed with anyone to just sleep, so much so that he was looking forward to waking up, just so he could see her and feel her in his arms first thing. And he somehow found the words – and the mettle – to ask her to sleep in his bed and nothing more. For as much as they wanted each other in that moment, he needed something else even more. How in spite of her disappointment and the confused look in her eyes she agreed, allowing him to curl up behind her; to let him feel that she is real and none of this was a dream. He wrapped both his arms around her, the soft warmth of her pressed against him soothed the empty ache of his loneliness. Listening to the sound of her deep breathing, feeling her hand and nails moving over the skin of his forearm to his hand and back again is what finally lulled him to sleep.
"You care for 'er…"
It's not a question, and John expects to see the same anger on Jamie's face he saw yesterday. But there is only an odd smile, his eyes full of affection.
"It's hard not to…" John replies.
"I'm guessin' this is somethin' new? I feel like I woulda noticed my best friend developin' romantic feelin's for my daughter."
"Perhaps not new, just…delayed?" Jamie laughs at that, "Believe me, there is no one here more baffled than me. I have to keep reminding myself that this wasn't supposed to happen. I had no idea you'd be in Wilmington, it wasn't until I learned she'd be leaving I could admit...it's all still so surprising."
"Aye well, I'm glad ya caught up, she's been waitin' for ya fer days…"
"Truthfully, I did delay our arrival." He admits quietly so Brianna can't hear him, "I wanted to give you all as much time together as possible."
"Thank you. I ken it's not easy to let them go, but it's for the best."
John nods in understanding, "It will be easy for me compared to what you must be feeling…"
"Honestly? I am beyond grateful I even got'ta see her – that I got ta know 'er, and we had all this time together is a blessing," the emotion cuts off his voice, and he looks away to compose himself before turning back to face him, "Although, now that yer here, I have a feelin' it's not a final goodbye." John can only smile at that.
"I hope you are right – for all our sakes." And therein lies his conflict. It's selfish of him to hope she returns. He does want her to be away from the madness and the utter desolation of war, but there is land further out west and there are entire countries that will not be affected by it. They don't have to travel through time and space to find a safe place to wait out the war. In the silence, John moves close enough to hear Claire's voice.
"Are you sure you're alright, darling?"
"Do I have to go, Mama? Roger was the one that wanted to return, and he did."
"You don't have to do anything, Bree. I don't want to let you go either but we both know what's coming. You will be safer there, and you'll have all those modern conveniences we miss so much…"
"But you'll both be missing,"
Claire tucks a strand of hair behind Brianna's ear, "Oh, sweetheart. If nothing else, go long enough to get Jemmy inoculated for everything. Visit Uncle Joe and he'll take care of you both, tell him I say hello and I miss him terribly. If you really are miserable then come back, go through Craigh Na Dun though, we'll likely be at Lallybroch. I'm sure Joe will pay for you and Jemmy to fly to Scotland."
"We will…" She holds Jemmy a little tighter, moving her fingers through his soft hair.
"Inoculated?" John whispers to Jamie, the word is familiar from when he had measles.
"Aye, it protects people against the wee beastly germs that cause infection and illness." Jamie whispers in response.
"Ah, I see,"
The wagon stops and John assumes they have arrived at the dreaded tree line. This is the point where Ian says they must walk the rest of the way to the stone circle. Brianna wakes her son slowly, making sure his eyes are open and he is alert before she climbs out, lifts him into her arms and sets him down.
"Uncle Ian!" Jemmy yells before the man's feet have even touched the ground.
"Jeremiah!" Brianna laughs as Jemmy all but launches himself into Ian's open arms, the two of them hugging as if they had been apart for years. John dismounts the horse as does Jamie and Claire's arm is already draped over Brianna's shoulder as they approach.
"This is a pleasant surprise," Claire says, and with the way she smiles he actually believes she means it. "Come to see us off, have you?"
Jamie approaches John with an outstretched hand.
"Of course…" John replies. Before releasing John's hand, her father pulls him into a brief hug and he finally looks over to see her. Her attempt to smile fades, suddenly sad and serious.
"Yes, it's always lovely to see you." Brianna says, her voice is tight trying to suppress her emotions.
"May we have a moment alone?" John asks, looking to her parents for approval. Jamie and Claire share one of their signature looks, but both acquiesce and join Ian and Jemmy saying goodbye. They don't move very far from where they were, just enough so they are out of earshot.
"What took you so long?" she asks, and while there is an edge of aggravation in her voice she only looks relieved.
"Forgive me…Ian and I caught up but–"
"Caught up when?"
"Last evening at the Inn, we–" She rises up on the tips of her toes, looping her arms around his neck and hugs him tight.
"When you didn't catch up I got so worried about you both." His hand moves over her back, near burying his face in her neck and not quite ready to let her go. He's had more than a few days to figure out what he wants to say, but now his words have left him. "I'm so sorry for the way I left. I should have waited."
"Yes, you should have, my poor horse is exhausted." He says in jest. It's not a total lie but she'll feel guilty if he tells her he himself may need a month to fully recover, "It's been…a long time since I shared my bed with anyone. With you in my arms I slept so soundly I did not even feel you leave." Her arms slide down from his neck and a slow smile forms on her lips.
"I know, it was the same for me. I was going to wake you, but you looked so peaceful." Her eyes, which had been almost sad, light up, keeping all the joy she feels and adding something else, a quiet hunger that he somehow knows is reflected in his own eyes, "Did you see my gift?"
"I did, I have it and the letter safe and secure. It is not against the rules of propriety so I will keep it. Though I would never expect you to remain alone and waste your heart and your love on someone already dead…"
"Don't say that." She replies harshly, glaring at him with a look of shocked indignation, "While the records will say that you all died, I know that everyone is alive here. I will be so alone there, John, trust me when I say we will not stay long."
"I believe you." And he does… He won't give voice to the fears in his mind, to the possibility that she may not return, or he may die before she does. That this could be the last time they would ever see each other, and one of them would never know the reason why. "You said you had use for the sapphire, and you didn't want the stone fairies to steal it. If I were to hide it somewhere here – in this time – will it be there for you in the future?"
"Yes. Unless some archaeologist discovers your hiding spot and steals the loot." He nods in acknowledgement, but then there is an almost disturbing smile that forms on her lips.
"Why are you smiling like that?" he asks.
She stammers over her words as if she hadn't meant to it out loud, "Nothing, it's stupid," she tells him.
"Please tell me anyway?" At that she turns to look at him, almost smiling, but it was still sorrowful.
"After you left to have dinner with William, my father and I took a long walk. I told him about the 'happiest place on earth'. In my time we have stories called fairy tales and it's this magical place where those fairy tales are real and dreams come true. The story itself usually involves a woman or a princess who falls in love with a prince on a white horse and he has to fight to rescue her from a dragon or an evil stepmother or kiss her to wake from a sleeping curse…"
"This sounds positively morbid…" he interrupts incredulously, not certain how this translates to a magical, happy story.
"Actually, the stories they're based on are even worse than the…" she stops, and his eyes widen as they both are silent, "Those haven't even been published yet. Anyway, the point is, at the end of those stories the girl marries the prince and they move into a shining castle and live happily ever after. I was just thinking that my happily ever after is here, and yeah maybe it's less convenient and more dangerous, but this is where my family is. This is where my heart is. And if I can't make it back, I feel like I'll never be truly happy or whole."
"And are these the romantic novels you spoke of in your letter?" The way her face flushes red makes him even more curious as if it is something scandalous.
"I'll tell you all about those when I get back…or show you." She smirks, and unless he is imagining it, she is indeed suggesting something that is scandalous and he should be wary when she returns. "I know Da was teasing you about it, but rugged looks good on you,"
"You should not look at me like that in front of your parents," he says, but her eyes remain flirtatious as she winks.
"So, I won't be getting another kiss goodbye?"
"Brianna," it starts off as a warning, but his hand moves to conceal his smile and she giggles as he feels the warmth flush from his ears down to his neck. Perhaps, were it not for the presence of her parents, he might have. "I am glad we were given one last goodbye."
"Not goodbye, John. We are coming back."
"Brianna, we shouldna delay too much longer," her father calls and she pulls her hand away long enough to wave in acknowledgement.
"So, you coming to see the show?" Her voice is hopeful, as are her eyes as she looks up at him.
"No."
Her eyebrows crease in confusion, "But you came all this way, I thought… Are you kidding?"
"Please forgive me, Brianna, but I can't. Not only do I not want to watch you both vanish before my eyes, if there is any chance I can hear whatever it is you hear I don't want to know. I'm not sure I could ever leave William the way your mother left you, but if I hear it I know I will be beyond tempted to follow you." He shakes his head, the disappointed near hurt look in her eyes makes him want to follow her even more, "You must think me a coward…"
"John, of all the words to describe you, 'coward' is not and never will be one of them," She shrugs with a deep heavy sigh, "But it's just as well, if I see you there along with my parents, I may not be able to go through."
He was careful to keep his tone casual, but after his conversation with Ian there was something he suddenly felt he had to ask.
"Before you go, may I ask…I um, I received your letter, the one you sent from River Run when you thought Roger left. Did you ever receive my reply?" For a moment, she seems too shocked to do anything but stare.
"I thought you never got it, or if you did you had changed your mind but then Roger was back, so I…" she is near breathless, eyes clouding with emotion, "What did it say?"
"I'll tell you when you return," he kisses the back of her hand, this time pressing a piece of parchment against her palm as he does. She notices but draws no attention to it. Then to his surprise she pulls his hand to her mouth, kisses the back and then holds it against her cheek for just a moment.
Despite her tears as she looks up him, her eyes reflect that she too is feeling more than she can say, "Just…be safe, ok?" As she releases his hand, his thumb brushes away the tears, then trails along her jawline.
His eyes find hers again, "I will. Be careful as well, please? I know you will take care of yourself and Jemmy, but…" his voice dies on his lips, wanting nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her just one more moment; to confess his feelings and beg her to stay. Clearing her throat, she pulls her hands from his and takes a step back.
"Jem…" The boy runs and she picks him up, holding him on her hip despite how heavy he is, "Say bye-bye to Lord John," He shyly tucks his face into his mother's neck, waving a small hand at him.
"Bye-bye John,"
John bows, "Bye for now, Jeremiah," Moving her gaze once more to him, he marvels at how she can still look so beautiful and bright while crying.
"See you later," she says, before finally joining her parents. Jamie pulls Jemmy into his arms and they all huddle together, walking into the cover of the trees. It isn't until they've faded from his sight he realizes he's not alone.
"Are you not joining them?" John asks Ian beside him.
"Could ask ya the same thing."
Given the mix of sadness and anger in his eyes, John asks gently, "You still want to go through with them, don't you?"
"It doesna matter. She doesna wan'ta leave, so they'll go through and come right back." Ian distracts himself by gathering necessities to set up camp, John helps him.
It's another one of the questions that nags him: why does it seem that only people from the future travel back and not people from the past going forward? He can only assume his first thoughts were correct and that it must be because they are more advanced and bring that knowledge with them to help move society ever forward. As Ian strikes two stones together, John thinks of Brianna's matches and how something so simple will become so vital.
The wait for them to return is near crushing him. Daylight is fading fast, and he fears if they take much longer they'll be trying to get back in the thick black of night. Despite what they all told him, he inches closer to the edge of the forest, looking and waiting for some sign or sound that they have gone through. Other than the creatures in the forest, there is no sound or disturbance.
Ian returns with small game he hunted for dinner at about the same time Jamie and Claire finally enter his vision. They are alone, huddled closer together almost as if holding each other up while they walk. Ian looks both surprised and confused, obviously having expected them all to come back. It's only then John realizes his own disappointment, a part of him believed that Brianna's heart would overrule her logic. Apparently there is something in the future she wants or needs more. All he can think is that it's to get Jemmy inoculated against any and all illnesses from this time, making it just a little safer for him to be here.
Jamie goes to Ian first, hugging him and thanking him for coming along.
"Thank you, John…" He momentarily freezes as Claire pulls him into a hug. He hugs her loosely in return, and as he attempts to pull away she holds on, hugging him even tighter, "Thank you," she whispers again.
"For what?" she releases him then, bringing her hand to cup his cheek with tearful eyes and a bright and honest smile.
"For everything. For the way you love our family. If it weren't for you while we were gone, Brianna's life could have been made so much worse here. We've had all these years with her and Jemmy, something we might not have had otherwise. I didn't give you enough thanks back then."
Hearing Claire say those words with that smile renders him speechless. He could say it was his pleasure and an honor to be of service, and that would be true. But compared to what he feels even those words sound hollow.
"Aye," Jamie says, gripping the back of his neck and pulling him into another hug. "I didna think I would be, but I am glad you are here, mo charaid,"
He can't stop the rush of tears to his eyes, "You've not called me that in a long time."
"Well, it's been a long time since we've been on such an adventure,"
"Is that what this is?" Jamie laughs and John joins him as they separate, the two of them join Claire and Ian sitting beside the fire. He knows by the red rims around their eyes they must have cried on the way back as he expected they would. Perhaps it is too soon to say but they seem in much better spirits than he and Ian thought they would be.
"I'm more grateful to ya both than I can say. I know Bree asked ya ta be here so we can go back ta the Ridge, but we already finalized all our business there. If you'd accompany us to Wilmington instead, we'd appreciate it."
"Back to Wilmington?" John clarifies.
"Aye," Keeping his arm wrapped around her shoulder, Jamie smiles down at Claire, "While we were walkin' back we decided not ta delay and we'll be takin' the first boat back ta Scotland," he points at Ian, "And you, young man, will be joining us." Ian opens his mouth to object, "Ah ah, I promised your mother years ago I'd bring ya home and I intend to keep that promise if it is the verra last thing I do." Ian closes his mouth and rolls his eyes, clearly not happy at those words but not fighting them either. Instead he diverts himself by getting the food he caught prepared to be cooked over the open flames.
"Will you join us, Lord John? You can head to London soon after we arrive." Claire asks, reclining comfortably against Jamie's side.
The idea of going back to London is one that makes him nervous. Normally he could put on a brave face and endure it, but in one day his entire world has irrevocably changed in every way. Now every time he is around his family, he will have to lie by omission and pretend he does not know what is coming. The longer he stays the more danger he will be in, and his family by extension. If not his mother, Hal will certainly see right through him.
"I will be happy to accompany you to Wilmington and I greatly appreciate the offer, but I do have some things I need to finalize here, with William and Mount Josiah. When I do leave the American colonies, Scotland will be my first destination."
"We'll host ya as long as you need, my friend." John can only smile and nod in acknowledgement. The grateful smile Jamie gives him allays some of his heart ache. For as cruel as it feels to John on his behalf, Jamie really is more thankful he got to see and know her at all, as opposed to the pain of only ever learning about her through Claire's words. He's trying to follow that example, to simply be appreciative of the time he got to spend with her.
A silence settles over their group, save for the crackling of the fire. By the time he completes all the traveling left to do here, the trip north to Mount Josiah and then getting on a ship, it may take nearly four months before arriving at Lallybroch. He must still hide the sapphire for her before they can even attempt to return through the stones, if possible, he would not delay his arrival by a single moment. And it's not the same kind of panic as going to London, but the idea of going to Scotland – even if only to visit a friend – after the amount of pain and suffering he experienced there because of the wars and his time at Ardsmuir, makes his heart race and his stomach knot.
With everything on the horizon, it feels like one part of his story is ending while something new and entirely different is beginning and he isn't sure if that prospect excites or terrifies him more. John doesn't necessarily consider that his life is coming to an end, but he has come to view it as complete. William makes it so, especially now that he is an adult and starting to build his own life and identity. Content is not fully accurate, there are things he would change were it allowed, but ultimately John has wanted for nothing in any real sense of the word. With all he has seen in his life, he wholeheartedly believed that there was nothing left that could surprise or move him, until Brianna.
Some of Claire's eccentricities can be explained away or overlooked at times, but not Brianna's. From one moment to the next, she appeared as suddenly as her mother in Jamaica. It didn't take him long to realize that something incredible had arrived in his world. Something innocently beautiful and undeniably tenacious and formidable. And for the first time in a long time, he was intrigued; curious. She was an enigma, but unlike most mysteries he wasn't trying to solve it, he simply enjoyed being in her orbit.
As they wait for dinner, John lays down with a soft sigh, stifling a groan at the pain in his low back. Twilight is upon them. Stargazing has always quieted him, even including the first time he saw one falling through the heavens. It was beautiful to watch, but it was a humbling lesson that even something as infinite as the stars would die. They are endless and uncountable; the one thing in his life that is truly constant. Whether on land or at sea; on his home soil or abroad, the stars are there to light the darkness.
Wherever Brianna and Jemmy have landed, he wonders if the stars look the same between centuries or if she is looking up at the same sky but with a different arrangement of lights. He prays in silence – to the universe, to god, or the fairies – praying them both safe and sound and that time will move swiftly in their absence.
A/N: I hope you don't hate me! But just rest assured it will be ok. Feel free to sound off in the comments tho, I really am sorry. I know I keep saying it but I will add other stories here soon, just got carried away with this one lol. Also, there are things referenced in this story that aren't canon and the scenes themselves will appear in other chapters of the series, otherwise it would get repetitive between stories. Thank you again for all the lovely comments and reading this far :)
