It felt like a scream, unending, eternal, deafening. She heard the music, and felt herself sway, back and forth, to and fro, an endless melody she could resist no more than dead leaves in a hurricane; she was untethered once more, and yet…
There was something that anchored her, this time. The faintest thread of perspective held on, and in all the cacophony, she heard a whisper.
Hey, Sayaka. It's me, it's Madoka! Can, can you hear me? Do you recognise my voice?
Words. Words that would never reach her, and yet, here they were.
I know, Sayaka. It sucks to be alone - believe me, I know.
But it's okay now, because I'm here with you… Sayaka.
It was like… it was like she'd done this before. She'd done this so many times before, hadn't she?
It was why she wasn't surprised when there was an explosion, a great pain screaming out louder than a thousand violins, and-
Sayaka sat up with a gasp. Her pulse was racing, her eyes were wide open - and stayed that way as she looked around.
This wasn't her house. It wasn't - her heart sank - Kyoko's apartment… or Madoka's bedroom, or anywhere she'd seen before.
Where was she?
She looked around, and frowned. It seemed like a normal bedroom, with plain white walls and wooden floors. The bed she was in, it was comfortable enough, and there was a set of clothes and a towel neatly folded on the end. She reached out and dragged them closer; they were a school uniform. Her school's uniform… she had a thought. She opened the neck of the shirt and read the name tag inside the back.
"Homura Akemi." Sayaka murmured, and cast another glare about the plain room. "And this must be her place. Heh, that figures."
Still, the towel was soft in her hands, and she found herself running her fingers through it. There was a door half-open to some kind of bathroom, and the more she sat there, the more she couldn't ignore the grease in her hair, the grimy itch on her skin… the dirt under her nails. She made a face at them for a moment, and then sighed.
Slung the towel over her shoulder, and wandered over to take a shower. The water - it was cold against her skin for a moment, then warmer, warm. After everything that had happened, Sayaka just stood there for a moment, eyes closed, letting it all wash over her, down, and away.
Kyoko.
She thought of her, and clenched her fists. She thought about that last night, of how cold Kyoko was when she held her, and now the water felt too hot, felt scalding. The steam - it was like smoke, choking her, and she thought about the smoke rising from the building, the plumes rising into the night…
And the water, flowing beneath her feet as she clenched the railing. Clenched the handle to the shower, and turned, and it all slowed to a drip, and almost immediately, it was dissipating. And she was getting cold.
She stayed there for a second, with that coldness. And then she reached for the towel.
Out of the bathroom, Sayaka felt… well, she wasn't sure. Not refreshed, but reset, somehow. She hadn't noticed how much her old clothes were bothering her until she had some new ones - it was like a weight off her mind. She didn't feel better, but she did feel clearer, and as she turned to open the door to the next room, she noticed the low rumble of thunder reverberate through the house.
She looked back, at a window perched over the bed, and saw nothing but dark grey skies. Something about them… she frowned, and opened the door.
Opened the door, into light. Blinding light - she squinted until her eyes adjusted, and found herself in a large white living room, with a huge screen on the far wall, and a familiar figure sitting with her back to her on a low couch.
"Homura," she narrowed her eyes. "So what's this all about, huh?"
Homura didn't reply. Didn't turn around. There was a rustling sound, like she was working on something.
"I'm talking to you," Sayaka said, but it came out more halfhearted than anything. She made a face, and then turned away, found herself looking at the screen, at pictures of her and Madoka and Mami - when did she take those? And the strange gears hanging from the ceiling, the half-open lockers against the wall that seemed to be full of rifles…
God, this girl was weird. She saw what was probably the front door, glanced back at Homura, and took a step.
One step, that echoed across the room. And Homura flinched.
"W-wait!"
Sayaka blinked. Homura's voice… but it sounded different. Thicker. She saw her quickly wipe her eyes and stand up.
"Sayaka, wait, I…" She sniffed, still with her back to her. "I have to t-tell you something."
"Are you crying?"
"Shut up. Just shut up a-and listen to me for once in your life!"
Sayaka stepped back at that. She saw Homura take a shaky breath, and slowly unclench her hands. After a long moment, she spoke again.
"Please, listen to me." She said. "There's a powerful witch coming to destroy the city again… Walpurgisnacht. More powerful than anything you or I could defeat." She sniffed. "You need to leave. Th-there's a train that takes you-"
"Leave?" Sayaka said, and immediately Homura shot her a withering glare; she didn't care. "But my parents are here! I can't-"
"Of course you won't." She snapped. "Of course. I don't know why I bother to try with you, Sayaka Miki!"
"Wh-" She blinked, and then glared right back. "Oh, don't pretend you're 'trying' anything with me! I see where this is going, it's 'cause it's gonna make Madoka really sad if I die, right?"
"That's not the reason-"
"Of course it's the reason! It's the only reason you ever try and help me - you're so predictable!" Sayaka paced back and forth. "You want me to thank you for that, huh? You want Madoka to think you're a real hero? Sorry, but that's not-"
"I have to kill Madoka to save you!"
Silence. Sayaka froze at her words, hearing them echo in her mind, over and over. She saw Homura crumble back to the couch, her head in her hands. She spoke again, so quietly:
"Madoka… e-every reset, I-I don't know why, but she gets so much more powerful. And her witch… she could end the world a dozen resets ago. I'm sure she's even stronger, now."
A noise, either a laugh or a sob. Either way, it sounded so, so tired. She shook her head, and continued.
"And I don't even like you. But you're the only… y-you're the only one I can save." She sunk lower. "I don't understand. I've tried, so hard… and this is as close as I've ever gotten to saving anyone."
Sayaka watched her, watched with wide eyes. She watched her glance up again, shake her head, and look away.
"I'm not making any sense, I-I know." She wiped her eyes. "Nevermind. It doesn't matter now. Stay here if you want. I've never been able to talk you out of your stupid decisions."
Flashes in her mind, as Homura stood and brushed her hair away from her face. Visions of a girl with red glasses, staring back at her from a long, long time ago. She could feel her hair standing on end.
"Homura…" She started, took a half step forward. Paused; she didn't know how to say this feeling, but: "I… I know you, don't I. Not just from this month, I-"
"No," she said. "You don't know me at all, Sayaka Miki… but I know you."
Sayaka drew a sharp breath. She could feel Homura's eyes on her, that hard glare fixing on her, and then slowly fading.
"I'm sorry," Homura said, after a moment. "You're right about me. I never did help you unless it was for Madoka. Honestly, I've hated you sometimes; you've always been the one leading her to Kyubey. You've always been against me."
She paused, at that.
"But… it's more than that. You've, you've always been friends with her - I see it every time I go back. She barely knows me, but you? You go to the mall together. You hang out for hours - you trust each other." Homura sighed. "It's… all I ever wanted, and every time, I see you throw that away."
"It's not like I knew what would happen," Sayaka said, and watched her grimace.
"Of course not. But even when I told you, you didn't believe me." A rumble of thunder echoed through the house, made her clench her fists, set her jaw. "And you died. Every time, you died."
"Every time?" Sayaka felt something catch in her throat. "Every single time?"
"Yes. And every timeline after this one as well. Now that I know Madoka can bring you back…" Homura's expression hardened. "I won't let her. I can't. I'm sorry."
Another roll of distant thunder. Homura heard that, and without another word, turned on her heel and started towards the door. Sayaka was frozen in shock; she could hardly move until Homura put her hand on the knob - she stumbled forwards.
"W-wait-!"
"If I were you, I'd leave the city." Homura spoke without turning around. "I'm… I'm sorry about what happened to you. I really am. And…" Her hand tightened on the doorknob. "I hope that you can feel better about it one day. You're the only one of us that can."
Sayaka's mouth was open, but she didn't know what to say to that. She watched Homura hesitate for a moment, and then open the door, step through, and close it hard behind her.
The slam made her jump, and as it echoed through the house, she realised she was alone.
Alone, and there was another rumble in the distance. She stepped back, eyes wide, heart beating in her throat as it faded to eerie silence. Walpurgisnacht… Madoka. God, Madoka… What was she going to do?
And she just stood there, paralysed by it all - and so painfully aware of how little she could do. She wasn't a Magical Girl, she wasn't a witch, she wasn't a hero or a monster, she was… Sayaka.
Just Sayaka, and she clenched her fists at that. She'd been through so much, given up her life, her soul… just to end up right back where she started, wishing she had the power to do something about it.
A dry smile, as she felt a gaze on the back of her neck. That thought, that wish - that was what got her into this whole mess in the first place, wasn't it?
Something caught her eye; the huge screen in the front of this room, she realised she was staring at it, at the pictures. Madoka and Mami, sitting next to each other in a restaurant booth. Madoka and Homura, standing together beneath an old bridge - Homura was blushing red and hiding her face. A candid shot of Kyoko leaning on a rail, staring into the river, and…
Sayaka's heart caught in her throat. It was a picture of Madoka - Madoka, and Sayaka. The blue haired girl grinning down at her friend - it was like looking at a stranger. The sparkle in her eyes, the colour in her cheeks, the way she stood like she didn't have the weight of the world on her shoulders… when was this taken? She didn't remember this - was this from one of those resets Homura was talking about?
Was she just looking at ghosts?
Sayaka felt a lump in her throat as she stared at Madoka's timid smile. Stared, and remembered that every reset, every single reset, they died.
And her hands clenched into fists.
It wasn't fair. Madoka - she didn't do anything to deserve this! All she did was try to be kind to people, and this was what the world had in store for her - some sick cycle of getting tricked and dying and doing it all over again?! How many times had this happened?
…How many times had she become a witch? Sayaka stared at that smile, and she couldn't tell if the feeling rising in her chest was fury, or terror. She remembered being a witch - how just a day of it had broken her, had turned her from that happy stranger into the mess she was now, had made her terrified to be alone with her thoughts. How many timelines was Madoka left to suffer like that, forever, with no one to pull her out of it?
Like Madoka had done for her. Sayaka swallowed. She'd been there the whole time. She'd waited for her outside her apartment every night, so she wouldn't be alone hunting witches. And when she lost herself… Madoka gave up everything to take her place.
And as she thought that, a cold, calming certainty washed over her.
Sayaka knew exactly what she was going to do.
Thunder tumbled as she turned and headed for the gun locker. Kyubey was perched on top, tail swishing as she approached.
"So," he started. "You want to save your friend? More than anything in the world?"
Sayaka didn't respond. She opened the locker; a gun fell on her foot, and she jumped, gingerly nudged it aside. Frowned as she heard a voice.
You do know what you're up against, don't you?" Sayaka took a handgun out of the locker. "The most powerful witch in the world, and what are you going to do? Shoot it? Have you ever even held a gun before, Sayaka Miki?"
She fiddled around with the gun for a second, then jumped when something fell out of the handle - the, uh, the clip? She shot Kyubey a look and opened her mouth, but after a moment she closed it again and kept rummaging.
"I'm just saying, you're certainly going to die if you try and face Walpurgisnacht in that flimsy human body of yours." A pause, and then a deep sigh as Sayaka dragged a duffel bag over. "I really am trying to help, you know. I know you think I'm trying to 'trick' you, but I'm just trying to give you options."
Sayaka took something from the locker, hesitated, and then stuffed it into the duffel bag and zipped it up. She shot Kyubey one last look before turning around and heading out.
And she could feel those eyes on her every step of the way.
"I'm sorry."
It stood there, still smouldering in the gathering storm. Surrounded by police, gawked at by passers-by… there was even a news crew here, getting ushered away by an officer. Across the street, Sayaka smiled at that, a little.
"I guess you were wrong," she murmured. "You did make the news after all. And I'm here, so…"
She swallowed, at that. There was a lump in her throat., and she fiddled with the strap of her bag.
"I… I wish I could take it all back. I-I wish, I wish I could see you again, you'd know what to do - or, or maybe not." A laugh. "No, probably not, but we'd be in this mess together, right?"
A breath, slow, and shaky. The wind was really starting to pick up, and she could feel it whipping through her hair, could hear a low roll of thunder reverberate through her bones. She gritted her teeth.
"I've made so many mistakes - I-I'm sure I don't have to tell you that, huh." She swallowed again. "I don't know what's right anymore. I've hurt so many people… so many friends, and I think I have to do it again. After what I heard… hey, you think she could be lying? About Madoka?"
Sayaka looked up, up into the shattered windows, the blackened brickface. She sighed, and dropped her eyes back to the pavement.
"No. No, I don't think so, either." She hefted the bag again; it was heavy. "I've got to do… I've got to do the right thing, I guess, if I even know what that is anymore. And then what, huh. She goes back in time again, and I'm… I'm here. Alone. I'm 'saved', right. Heh, nice job, Homura, right…?"
The ghost of a smile lifted her lips, but it didn't stay long.
"...No. No, this is… this is my fault. I'm the one who needs to make this right. After that… well, we'll see, huh. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself."
A dim flash of light, followed by a low rumble. Sayaka glanced up at the sky, and then stepped away.
"Okay," she said. "Okay. I'm sorry, Kyoko. That's all I… that's all I really wanted… to…"
The strangest sensation came over her just then. It raised the hair on the back of her neck, it felt like -
Like being watched.
Sayaka turned around, and saw Hitomi standing just a few feet from her, pale as death, staring at her with wide eyes. Her stomach dropped.
"Oh-!" Sayaka flinched back, but-
"Wait!" Hitomi's words stopped her in her tracks. "Don't go! Please don't go."
She gulped as Hitomi took another step towards her, reaching out like she wanted to touch her, wanted to make sure she wasn't just an apparition. Oh, she really wasn't ready for this… but she tried to slap on a smile.
"Hitomi… uh, hi!" She tried not to back up as she stepped closer. "It's… it's really nice to see you again! I-I know, I know you're probably mad at me, but I-"
And Hitomi surged forwards and wrapped her in the tightest hug - it knocked the wind out of her, and before she could get over the shock, she heard a sniffing sound. Hitomi buried her face in her neck, almost hung off her shoulders, and Sayaka struggled to hold her up.
"Whoa, hey, hey, it's okay!"
"It's not okay!" Hitomi squeezed her tighter. "You're gone a-and it's all my fault! I never should have made that stupid ultimatum - stupid, stupid!"
"Hey, hey," Sayaka noticed the cops across the street taking notice. She patted her back. "It's okay, seriously. It's not your fault."
"Then why'd you go? Where'd you go! Don't you know everyone's looking for you! Everyone at school thinks you got kidnapped, you and that older girl! What's going on?"
"It's…" Sayaka paused at a rumble of thunder. She gritted her teeth. "It's complicated. Let's… go sit down somewhere, huh?"
Sayaka let her out of the busy streets. She could feel Hitomi's grip like a vice on her arm, squeezing tight enough to hurt. She could still feel those eyes on her, too, could feel them searching for her gaze. She gritted her teeth, and kept moving.
Kept moving.
"Sayaka?"
Kept moving, until-
"Did you join a gang?"
"Wh-" Sayaka stopped. Blinked. "What? No!"
"Oh…"
Sayaka looked back at her. "Seriously? You thought I-"
"I don't know! I don't know…" Hitomi shrunk back, clutching her arm. "I don't know what I thought… I just want you to tell me."
She looked down at her eyes, her wide, shining eyes. Then she sighed, and looked around the street; it was quieter, here.
"Please, Sayaka. You trust me, right?" She sniffed. "W-we're still friends, right?"
"Hey. Of course we're friends-"
"Then why won't you tell me?" For the first time, Hitomi looked away. "It's because it's my fault, right."
"What?"
"Because you're lying. You are mad at me, aren't you. That's why you told Madoka where you went, but not me!"
"Madoka?" She blinked. "What do you mean? I didn't tell-"
"You did! Of course you did! You know how bad she is at lying!"
Sayaka cringed at that. Oh… she didn't know what to say to that.
"She knew where you were the whole time, didn't she? You told her… but I'm right in front of you, a-and you won't tell me anything." She wiped her face with her elbow. "Just say you hate me now. I know you do… a-and I deserve it! I was a terrible friend!"
"Hitomi…"
"I don't know why I had to ask Kyouske out!" She leaned on Sayaka. "Stupid! I never would've done it if I knew it'd make you run away!"
"That's not-" She put a hand on her shoulder. "C'mon, don't blame yourself. That's not why this happened, okay?"
"Then why?" Hitomi searched her face; her expression crumpled at the silence. "Don't try to spare my feelings. Do you want me to break up with Kyouske? I can do that, you can come back, a-and everything will be fixed! Right? Right?"
Everything will be fixed. Sayaka couldn't help but remember a time when that was the height of her problems… a time reflected back at her in Hitomi's wide, innocent eyes. God - she didn't know what she had, until she'd signed it all away.
The wind was picking up. As if to punctuate that thought, the city sirens started up, blaring through the constant thunder. She could hear Hitomi talking.
"Wh- oh, my gosh! Sayaka, we've got to get to a, to a shelter… Sayaka! Come on, Sayaka!"
Sayaka felt the tug on her arm. She stared out into the dark clouds, at the first drops of rain on her face. "Don't leave him for me," she said, softly. "You guys are happy together. I saw it at the fair. I'm just glad something good came out of my stupid wish."
"Wh-what? Sayaka, we gotta go! Please, you gotta come with me!"
"Hey. Promise me one thing, will you?" Sayaka turned to look at her, at those eyes. "If someone comes along telling you he can grant you any wish in the world… don't take him up on that, okay? Please don't take it."
"Wh-what? Huh?"
"I know, I'm not making any sense." Sayaka gave a strange smile. "I hope it never makes sense to you, Hitomi. But you gotta promise me."
Those wide, innocent eyes - they searched hers for a moment, and didn't like what they found. They set into a frown. "Okay…" Hitomi said, slowly, hesitantly. She gripped Sayaka tighter. "But you gotta promise me you'll come with me."
"I-"
"You're talking to me like I'll never see you again." Her voice threatened to break again, but she swallowed it down. "But you're not leaving. You're gonna come with me, to the shelter. I bet we can find your parents, too."
Sayaka made a face at that. "I have to go," she said, but felt herself get wrenched back.
"They miss you, you know!" Hitomi dug her nails into her arm. " I miss you! Why won't you just come back with me- hey!"
Jerking herself out of Hitomi's grip, Sayaka stepped back. "Hitomi-"
"No!" She made a grab for her. "Hate me if you want, I-I don't care! I just want you-"
"I'll come back!" Sayaka watched Hitomi go still, and clenched the strap of her bag. "I… I promise, I'll come back. Okay?"
Hitomi just stared at her. "But…"
"I promise." She gave something like a smile. "I'll, uh, I'll see you in school Monday, right? But seriously, you have to go."
"Sayaka?"
Hitomi stood there, in the blaring sirens, and the lashing rain, utterly lost. That was the image in Sayaka's mind as she turned away, and left her there.
And the words, her words, they echoed in her mind as she twisted down empty streets below an ever-darkening sky. Her promise… it was a nice thought, wasn't it. Going back, hand in hand with Hitomi, seeing her parents again, hugging her parents again… wouldn't that be wonderful?
But she wasn't smiling as she turned one last corner, because it was a lie. A wonderful lie… but she couldn't worry about that now, couldn't let it slow her down.
The rain was coming down in sheets as she stopped in front of Madoka's house. The duffel bag flapped in the wind; she steadied it with one hand, and with another, she unzipped it, and drew out…
A sword. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of it; she barely noticed the wind pluck the duffel bag from her shoulders and whisk it away. She grasped the hilt with one hand, and then the other, and then held it like she used to, a lifetime ago.
It felt heavier than she remembered.
Then, with something like a smile, she lowered it, fastened the scabbard to her waist, and waited. It wasn't long before she spotted a bright figure flitting across the rooftops, and raised a hand.
"Madoka!" The figure stopped, and she waved. "Hey, Madoka! You sneaking off again?"
"S-Sayaka?" Madoka stumbled as she jumped off the rooftop. "Wh-what are you doing here? It's not safe, you need to-"
And Sayaka stepped forwards and just hugged her, squeezed all the words out of her. Madoka gasped at first, but then she hugged back, then she seemed to sink in Sayaka's embrace until Sayaka was holding her up. She started to cry, and Sayaka just held her, just stared up at the dark clouds above them as Madoka buried her face into her shoulder and sobbed.
"I-I…" Madoka started. "S-Sayaka…"
Sayaka squeezed her tighter.
"I-I was s-so scared, S-Sayaka…"
"I know. But we're going to do this together, okay? I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."
"I was so scared you were hurt, o-or worse!" Madoka grabbed fistfuls of her clothes. "The hotel - m-my parents, they wouldn't let me-"
"What?"
"It burned down! I saw it on the news, I-" Abruptly, she pulled back. "Oh! Kyoko, is she…?"
The look on Sayaka's face must've said it all, because Madoka was hugging her again - gentler, now. Sayaka didn't know what to say, but after a moment, words came to her.
"We've only got each other now," she said, softly. "So we've gotta look out for each other. Madoka?"
Madoka looked at her, and despite the bags under her eyes, the blotchiness in her face, the soaked strands of hair sticking to her face as they stood in the rain… she was smiling. After everything, she was still happy to see her friend… and Sayaka felt her own smile twist a bit.
"I'm gonna take care of you, Madoka," she squeezed her shoulders. "I promise, okay? I'm gonna be right here with you… just like any other witch hunt, right?"
"Yeah. Yeah!" Madoka's smile brightened. "Thank you, Sayaka. You know… I thought I'd be more scared of this. It's funny, you know? I used to be scared of so many things, but being a magical girl? It feels right, somehow."
"But-"
"I know." She looked down at her bow. "It shouldn't… but for once, it feels like I know what I'm doing, l-like I'm good at it! I know how it ends, but… for now, it's really not so bad."
There was a sound, deep and echoing, drawing both their gazes to the centre of the city. The clouds were rotating like a great whirlpool, and the buildings were beginning to sway. Sayaka's gaze then wandered to the side, and she watched Madoka stare it down without an ounce of fear in her eyes - no, her expression was set into one of steely determination, and when she turned that onto Sayaka, she couldn't help but feel so small.
"Come on, Sayaka," Madoka said, and offered a hand. There was a lump in her throat as she took it, a weight in her chest.
It lingered as they made their way towards the splitting sky, hand in hand.
