Yo Guys Geo here and Welcome back to Loud House'23! In this Chaoter we FINALLY getbsome much needed Lore about the world and even get a rather...dark Hint at what's to come oh yeah Trust me when I say...Things are gonna get REAL.
*2 weeks after the previous chapter*
"Hmmmmm, let's see…whoopie cushions? Check. Joy buzzer? Check! I wonder if I'm missing anything?" Luan muttered as she stuffed her stuff in a duffel bag as she hefted it over her shoulder.
"Oh well, I guess I can leave without it then." She smiled while turning to the door with a smile on her face. 'I have a good feeling about today.' She thought while opening the door, only to catch sight of a short figure covered in black ooze and white feathers waddling to the bathroom.
"Lincoln! What happened to you!?" Luan exclaimed as Lincoln gave a sigh.
"Ugh…Chandler and his asskissing lackeys jumped me and then slathered me in tar and feathers! Ugh all because I 'ruined' the food truck venue at school yesterday!" Lincoln exclaimed annoyedd while suddenly coughing as he pulled a long wet feather out of his mouth, shuddering as he rubbed his throat. "Well, you did kind of ruin it by taking the blocks out from in front of the wheels of that one truck…" Luan said while looking away as he glared at her.
"Oh come on, Luan! I had to do it, Pester was going to place gunpowder in the nacho sauce and I had to make sure he didn't get anyone sick, or worse killed! Plus it's not my fault he didn't put the truck in stop." Lincoln defended as he looked through the bathroom cabinet to try and find something to remove the tar.
Luan could only pinch the bridge of her nose. "Ugh…Lincoln please, I can't deal with your craziness today."
"I am NOT crazy!" He exclaimed angrily as his movements started to get more stiff with each second. "Whoop, tar's hardening! Nevermind that. Like I said, I'm not crazy, Luan! I wish more than just two people in my family would believe me! Seriously, I would've thought you of all people would have my back with this!" He said with a glare before waddling over to the stairs. "I think I might need a knife to get this stuff off." He grumbled bitterly.
"*Sigh*Don't worry, Lincoln, I have some Tar-B-Gone under my bed" Luan said, shaking her head as she pulled out a large black bottle out from a box beneath the bunk bed. Grabbing his now completely stiffened arm, she pulled him into her room and ripped off as much feathers as she could from his shoulder before ripping the cork out with her teeth and gently pouring it on his shoulder, causing the almost solidified tar to become more liquified as she quickly put a used towel beneath him as it ran off his arm with a loud wet plop.
"Thanks, Luan….wait a sec…why do you even have that?"
"Duh! The tar and feather thing was one of my first pranks, of course I'd have this." Luan said like it was obvious as she gently started pulling feathers off of his head, scattering them all over the floor as she gently poured more of the bottle on his head. "You may need a shower or three after this, this stuff is gonna stain everything." She told him as she grabbed at the tar on the top of his head and gently pulled down, making Lincoln yelp in pain as it came off with a lot of resistance, clinging to his face as she threw it on the towel, looking at his now red face and dark gray hair. "Maybe five showers…"
Lincoln grumbled as he noticed the duffle bag. "Hey Luan what's with the bag?"
"Hmm? Oh, I'm going out of town for the day with Benny to a festival. We're competing in a 'Jester Fest.'"
"A what fest?"
"Jester Fest! Or a Jester's Festival! It's a bi-annual event held in Hazeltuckey, where some of the best pranksters and comedians come and go!" She exclaimed happily. "It's gonna be my first time being at one! First place gets a cash reward and front row tickets to a new comedy show, and Benny and I are aiming for it!" Luan exclaimed as Lincoln sighed.
"Any chance I can go with you? After what happened yesterday, I could use a break." He said as Luan thought it over.
"Well…okay but you need to promise none of that crazy Pester doohickey stuff, okay?" She said, sounding more serious that he'd ever heard her be in his life. "Uh-"
"I'm serious, Lincoln. This is really important to me, I don't want this stuff going on with you to ruin what I have with Benny…I've never had someone like him in my life…"
"I…I promise Luan." He sighed as she kissed his forehead. "Thanks, little bro!"
"…Can you keep using that stuff? I can't move my legs anymore…" He said while slowly falling backwards motionless, save for his one arm which had been freed at the shoulder.
*A few hours later*
"Lincoln? You ok in there?" Luan asked from outside the bathroom as the door opened just a little and he poked his head out, his hair wet and still gray. "Nothing's working, that tar and the remover won't come out."
"Hmm…well, you could always just grow it out and cut it?" She suggested as he pulled his head back in and closed the door. "It really doesn't look that bad." She told him as she heard the shower shut off. A few seconds later, Lincoln exited the bathroom with a towel around his waist, his forearms, neck and face still red like they'd been rubbed raw. "I'm being for real, I think the gray hair looks nice." She told him with a tone that conveyed genuinity.
"Yeah…I guess…" He sighed as she followed him to his room, once again waiting outside as he looked for something to wear.'When she said that stuff stains, she really meant it.'He thought as he looked at his orange polo, jeans and shoes, all of which had been permanently stained gray or black from the tar.'At least my shoes look new.'He thought somewhat optimistically. Shaking his head, he rummaged through his dresser for something new to wear. Reaching the bottom, he raised an eyebrow.'I think I saw Pop Pop wear this in an old photo in our family album.'He thought while pulling out the shirt.'It looks about my size, maybe a bit bigger…eh, what the heck.'
Luan waited outside her brother's bedroom when she heard the door open. Turning around, she saw Lincoln was now wearing a buttoned up orange and gray checkered long sleeved flannel, instead of his usual polo, that had its sleeves rolled up and was tucked into a slightly baggy pair of gray cargo pants, along with his now gray shoes.
"Oooh Nice outfit, Lincoln" Luan smiled, making him blush a little as she ran a hand through his gray hair.'Dang, it even got on his eyebrows!'She thought. "Come on, Benny's parents will be here in a few minutes." She told him as she grabbed her bag and headed downstairs as Lincoln followed her.
Lincoln and Luan were in front of their house waiting for Benny's parents to pick them up. "Hey wait….shouldn't you tell mom and dad you're going with me?" Luan asked as Lincoln sighed. "Nah after what happened last week in that waffle house, I'm fine with NOT telling them anything." He said with an unpleasant shudder. "I can't believe it got closed down for a month."
"After what happened, I'm surprised it's only for a month." Luan said while looking down the road expectantly.
"...Luan?...Why is it so hard for you to believe me?" Lincoln asked her with a frown as Luan looked down. "…I just…It just seems a bit…outlandish…you know?"
"Luan…we live with a five year old child who is in kindergarten, yet also is a Harvard graduate that has several dozen PhD's and has a literal science lab for a bedroom." Lincoln explained as Luan sighed.
"Look, Lincoln, all those things are stuff we see on a daily basis, and this whole 'Pester' delusion sounds way too crazy to actually be real. Plus this isn't the first time you said something was weird about someone and it turned out wrong. Remember when Mr. Sipple moved in last week and you thought he was a homicidal ax murderer?"
"Hey, you can't fault me for that one, Luan. You saw that mugshot on the news, too, and he looked just like it!"
"My point still stands, Lincoln." Luan said as Lincoln frowned. "Please, just try and keep your craziness to yourself today." Luan said as the steins pulled up in their car, prompting both siblings to stand up. "Do NOT call me crazy!" He said with a sudden growl that took her by surprise. "I already get enough of that crap at school, I don't need it from you guys, too." He muttered, turning away as he descended the porch steps.
Lincoln was in the back seat with Luan and Benny…who were immensely making out, like REALLY sucking face, with drool and saliva dripping down their chins as they very vocally engaged in deep tongue french kissing. The sight and sound of which…made Lincoln uncomfortable, even moreso was the fact that Benny's parents weren't even reacting to the noises the two were making.
'Why me?...why always me?'Lincoln thought as they finally stopped making out. "So Lincoln, what made you decide to join us?" Benny's mother asked him. "Oh, you know…just wanted some time away from my family for a bit…it gets a bit…suffocating at times…" He said with a shudder as he realized the two of them were frenching now.
"Oh well…I suppose everyone needs a break from their family every once and a while." she chuckled as Lincoln noticed that Benny was a brunette while his dad was blonde and his mom had black hair. He opened his mouth to ask about it when the car came to a stop in a filled parking lot.
"We're here, kids!" his dad as Benny and Luan stopped kissing and hopped out the car.
"Hey Benny?...Don't answer this if it's too personal but...why do your parents have different hair from you? Do you dye your hair?" He asked him as he ran a hand through his hair. "Well, my grandpa had brown hair when he was younger, I probably got it passed down from him." Benny explained as he and Luan carried their stuff into the venue and made their way to a tent filled with others who were happily chatting away.
"Wow, so this is the Jester Fest huh?" Lincoln said looking around and seeing rides and carnival games for all the guests and food trucks scattered across the area. "They have a roller coaster! And a ferris wheel!" Luan exclaimed, wide eyed and excited like a little kid getting a puppy.
"I wonder what we should do first?" Lincoln said as he heard a loud girl scream….that came from Benny who was standing in front of a trophy that was literally as tall as him with sparkles in his eyes.
"The great golden whoopie cushion! Every prankster here dreams of earning it through their own merits!" Luan said as she and Lincoln walked over.
"Yes! And today that victory shall belong to me!" A voice shouted behind them as Luan saw it was a boy with reddish black hair wearing black-red tinted sunglasses and wearing a black T-shirt with a red stripe on the side and blue jeans.
"Ugh what do you want Obknotnik?" Luan grumbed as the boy frowned. "That's Robotnik!" he growled as Luan smirked.
"Lincoln, this is-"
"Please, I am perfectly capable of introducing myself to the one I assume is your younger brother…My name is Ivo J. Robotnik, the youngest pranking genius in the world!" He said with a great deal of pride in his voice as he took an overdramatic bow.
"It's..ummm…nice to meet you" Lincoln said as they shook hands. "I admit, your sister's pathetic pranks are impressive, but this time I shall be the one to take the gold, and she and her prissy boyfriend-
"Hey!"
"- will be the ones to taste defeat or my name isn't-"
"Ivy sweetie, where are you?" A sweet voice chimed out as Ivo facepalmed. "Oh crack me like an egg…" He grumbled under his voice and balled his fist before taking a deep breath and turning around. "I'm here, grandmother!" He sighed as a woman with short cut platinum blonde hair pale yet also tanned skin as well as a…..very pointy nose wearing a blue tank top and pink skirt walked up to him and hugged him tightly. "Oh, sweetie, I'm glad I found you!...Oh, who're your friends?"
"Grandmother, they are not my friends, they are my nemesiseseses…and one girl's brother." He said with a growl, followed by a deadpan expression as he referred to Lincoln like he didn't matter.
"Oh nonesense, Ivy, enemies are just friends you haven't met!" She smiled, shaking Luan's hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm Fifi Robotnik." She smiled in a sweet tone that felt like it'd give her Diabetes. "Uh…I'm Luan…" She responded a bit uncomfortably as a phone went off. "Oops! That's the office, come along Ivy, you can play with your friends later!" Fifi smiled as Ivo felt his eye twitch as he looked at Luan. "This is not over!"
"Yeah sure it isn't, Robuttnik." Luan quipped with a snicker as he marched away from them angrily, grumbling under his breath.
"Sheesh what's his deal?" Lincoln asked as Luan snickered. "Don't mind him, Lincoln, he's just mad that he'll lose the annual prankster contest this year. He probably wasn't expecting to run into us here since we've never been at Jester Fest before."
"How do you even know him?"
"Oh, we go to school together, I think he sort of sees me as a prank rival…even though I'm totally on a whole other level than him." Luan said with a hint of pride in her voice
Ivo was sulking around the fairgrounds with a massive corndog in his hand as his grandmother was checking out the booths.'Damn it, Loud! This is supposed to be MY big event this year! I won't let you or your fat buck teeth one up me again!'He thought, grinding his teeth as he bit into his corndog…that is, until he noticed something from behind a nearby stage.
"Hmmm?" He mused as he walked over and looked under the stage and saw someone.
"Hey!" He shouted as the person gasped. "Who are you and how did you find me!?" They growled as Ivo rolled his eyes. "I could see you.." He spoke as the person facepalmed. "I figured as much…wait a sec…you're Ivo Robotnik, one of the contestants!" They said as Ivo smirked. "Ahh so my reputation precedes me?"
"No, I know you cause you're the five year long loser of this event." They spoke in a deadpan tone as Ivo deflated bitterly
"Did you have to word it that way?" He asked sadly as the person rolled their eyes. "Hmmm, perhaps we can help each other… what if I told you I was the guest speaker for this event and in exchange for helping you win…you owe me a favor?"
Ivo paused and considered the pros and cons. On the one hand, he detested having to resort to cheating just to win…but on the other hand, he would finally have something to rub in Luan Loud's face…
"…I'm listening…"
Lincoln, Luan and Benny were having a great time riding rides eating snacks and puking out said snacks in the process.
"I told you it was a bad idea to go on a spinning ride after eating all that food, Luan." Lincoln groaned, his face green as he gargled and then spat a mouthful of water into a trash can. "…but… it was still pretty awesome!" He groaned with a chuckle before holding back another gag, clinging to the rim if the can in case he blew as Luan and Benny sat down on a bench to breathe and rest
"So…excited for the contest?" Benny chuckled, holding her hand. "Of course! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us to show off what we did last week! The people are gonna love it!" Luan laughed as she and Benny watched as a massive food truck wheeled in numerous cream pies. "Ooh, who wants to go for more food?" Luan said excitedly and Lincoln held his uneasy stomach. "Ugh…I don't think I can eat any more…"
"Easy there, tiger, just go sit down while Benny and I go on the love boats!" She said while giving her boyfriend a sly grin as they held hands and walked away from Lincoln, who still hadn't moved from the trash can.
"Ugh why me?" He groaned as he kept throwing up.
"Here, take a few of these!" A friendly voice said as a pale hand popped out to his right holding some white gummies in front of him. "Their antacids, I always keep some in case my stomach acts up!" He heard her say as he turned around to see an asian girl, around the same age as him, wearing a blue sweater and black leggings under her small shorts, with pale skin and long blonde hair with a few strands of black peppered around that also covered one of her bright blue eyes, with the other side kept free with a rainbow colored hair clip and the top covered with a white beanie and a pair of headphones around her neck that had a sticker of a chibi bunny head on the right speaker.
"Oh!...thanks" Lincoln spoke with a small blush on his face as he took the tablets. "They're chewy so no water needed." She said with a smile as he chewed on some and swallowed while taking a deep breath. "Have I…seen you somewhere before?" He asked, taking a small breath. "I feel like I've seen you in Royal Woods before."
"No, I'm from here, actually. My folks run a small knick knack shop here in Hazeltuckey. I'm Fynn." She said, holding out a hand as he pulled her sweater sleeve back a little, showing her hand which had a black fingerless silicone glove that looked covered in ringed ridges as he took it and shook. "I'm…Lincoln." He got out, still breathing uneasily as he felt slightly better than before.
"So, Lincoln, are you here to join in the contest?" she asked with a smile. "Well, no. I'm here to support my sister. She's entering with her boyfriend…plus I kind of just needed a chance to get out of the house for a bit…" He said
"Oh…that's cool, so did I, honestly. Mom and dad are having an argument again and they suggested I come to the carnival." She chuckled as Lincoln finally stopped holding onto the trash can, feeling good enough to not need to hover over it anymore. "Again?"
"Yeah…they kinda argue over dumb little things, ya know?" Fynn said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Anyway….so you wanna go on a roller coaster?" There aren't a lot of people heading for it and it's more fun having someone screaming next to you."
"…Eh, why not? It's the only thing I haven't been on yet." He chuckled. "Well, aside from that love tunnel thing."
"Let's go!" Fynn said as Lincoln followed closely behind his new friend.
"I'm so sorry, Leni…I'll try to come back and visit when school lets out on Monday." Leni heard Dana say faintly, lost in her own thoughts as she stared out her hospital room's window as her friend looked at her with a frown and hesitantly left the room, gently closing the door behind her as water gently trickled down her eyes.
"...Alone again." Leni sighed as he stared at the flowers her mother brought her earlier in the day, already starting to wilt, even in the small vase they were left in. Her eyes drifted down to the stumps where her legs had once been, and she felt a heavy weight inside her start forming. "I should've believed you…" She whispered as her hand balled into fist.'Yeah, you should've.'Leni heard as she turned to the tv screen across from her bed, looking at her own reflection which was glaring hatefully at her, making her look down in shame.'Look at you. You wouldn't be in this mess if you weren't such a gullible frickin' IDIOT!'Her reflection snapped angrily, making Leni flinch and look away at the window. "…I know…"
'You know? You KNOW?! Gee, that's a first! How many times have you said that in your life!'
"Please stop…"
'You deserve this for being such a stupid airhead! You're seventeen and you can't even tie your own god damn shoes yourself! Well, I guess you won't need to worry about that again, at least.'The reflection said smugly with crossed arms. Leni tried to cover her ears as she started to cry.'You wanna cry just cause I hurt your little feeings?! You're in no position to cry after all the shit you've done to our brother, you retarded little freak!'
"I SAID STOP!" Leni screamed, grabbing the vase and throwing it at the wall under the tv, shattering glass and splattering water everywhere as she grabbed a pillow and covered her head and ears with it, her tears now freely flowing with no restraint.
*Knock knock*
"Is everything alright?" A high pitched voice said as Leni hesitantly looked up and saw a rather young looking man with chestnut brown hair and blue eyes and wearing a red doctor's coat with an X in the center.
"...Yea Dr. Chopper…I'm fine…" She sighed. "I….just had a night terror is all, and it freaked me out." She muttered quietly.
"Well…okay… if you need any assistance feel free to use the call button… oh, and you have a visitor." He said as Danny poked his head into the room. "I'll call for someone to clean this up." The doctor said as he vacated the room, allowing for Danny to enter and gently close the door behind him. "Um…Hi, Leni…" He said nervously while rubbing the back of his neck.
"...hey Danny…" She said softly as he slowly approached the bed, taking in the sight of her current condition. Her skin had lost the tan complexion it had when they first met and looked incredibly pale, he had dark bags under her eyes and her hair was a complete mess with a few parts even looking a bit matted.
"I came to check on you…see if you were okay…" He said as she turned away from him and looked out the window.
"…I'm fine…" She said slowly, pausing for a few seconds before saying it as he took a small hop to get over all the water and glass and then sat on the left corner of her bed.
"Leni…..talk to me." He said, gently patting her hand as she flinched from his lukewarm touch. "I…I don't know how to…" He heard her mutter as another tear dropped from her chin.
Danny sighed and reached down onto the floor revealing he had brought a small guitar and started strumming the strings.
They call me the kid with a cardboard face
Pencil a smile, a frown, then erase
Make me a monster with paper mâché
I'm the kid with a cardboard face
The first verse he spoke struck a cord in Leni, as she faintly remembered hearing the song before on her 9th birthday.
I drew on a hat with some black sunglasses
A girl took my shades, then sharpie eyelashes
A boy stole my snapback and burned my hair straight
I'm the kid with a cardboard face
As he continued the to the second part, she saw his eyes had begun to tear up a bit.
But I met a girl with a porcelain name
Easy to talk to but hard to explain
What do I do when I'm…falling for you
She saw his hesitation to say the last three words, and the look on his face that said he had forced himself to get it out.
The girl with the porcelain name
Meets a boy with a cardboard face
"…Danny…you don't have to sing…not if it hurts you…"
She said, gently pulling his hand away from the strings as she wiped the tears from his eyes. "S…Sorry…I thought playing that song would help cheer you up like it…nevermind…" He said, shaking his head as Leni frowned. "…Was she special?" She asked softly
"Huh?"
"You're thinking about a girl…was she special to you?" Leni asked as he closed his eyes, forcing himself to be calm. "…Yes, she was…she was the best friend I could've ever asked for…"
"…What happened?"
"…She…she's gone…" He trailed off, with a tone that explicitly said 'please don't ask further', which she picked up on.
"…I'm…sorry…I'm just…not in a good place right now…" Leni muttered, looking away from him as her head started hurting, making her wince. "You alright?"
"Yes…just some headaches, I've been getting them since the mall." She said with a small groan.
Before Danny could say anything else, a knock was heard at the door. "Come in." She said as she saw it was Dr Light.
"Hello there, you must be Leni." He smiled as Leni gave a gasp and a smile. "OmGosh! It's Santa Claus!" Leni exclaimed as Danny gently facepalmed and Dr. Light gave a chuckle.
"Well, that's certainly the first time I've heard a teenager be the one to say that to me." He laughed softly with a smile. "Leni, this is Dr. Light, he's a famous mechanical scientist. My parents worked with him on a few projects." Danny said
"And I vaguely remember you trying to help with your parents' inventions without their knowledge, young Daniel." Dr. Light said, remembering the young teen boy.
"So…what brings you by?" Leni asked as Dr Light took a seat in a nearby chair. "Your sister asked me if I could possibly help with your current condition, so I came here for your approval before submitting requests for x-rays and CAT-scans." He told her softly with a warm smile
"Oh!...what does that mean?" She said while wincing from another headache. "Heh, it means I need your permission to do scans on your brain and legs to see the damage, my dear."
"Oh!...wil….will you be able to help me walk again?" She asked a bit hesitantly. "I can try, but only if you allow me." He told her as Danny held her hand and she gave a sigh.
"Alright…do it." Leni spoke with confidence as Dr. Light smiled and stood up. "Ok, I'll go ahead and submit those scan requests, dear."
Lincoln was puking his guts out in a trash can again as Fynn rubbed his back. "Yeah, I think the spleen puncher was a biiiiit too much for you." She chuckled as he gasped for air and panted rapidly. "Why did I let you talk me into going on it?" Lincoln groaned.
"Because you wanted to prove you have and I quote 'a cast iron stomach'." Fynn chuckled as Lincoln kept throwing up, making her wince as tears started filling his eyes. "I hate myself…" Lincoln groaned in pain
"Lincoln, where are you?" He heard Luan shouting.
"Over here, Luan." He called back as she quickly walked over to him. "Lincoln! There you are…oh? Who's your friend? A new girlfriend?" She teased, making them both blush as Lincoln gagged again, but managed to keep it down with a shudder. "No, never met her before today."
"I'm Fynn." She smiled as she shook Luan's hand as said jokester saw the gloves. "Arthritis?"
"Not exactly, they just help when my hands cramp from gaming." She said pretty quickly with a shrug, like she'd said it numerous times before.
"C'mon Lincoln they're gonna start the judging soon!" Luan said as Fynn felt her phone vibrate. "Chances are that's my dad, so I better head home." She said before pulling a sharpie and a sticky note out of her pocket and scribbling on it before putting it in his hand. "See ya!" She said before running off.
"…Where did she get those 'cause her pockets looked too small for those to fit?"
"Nevermind that, come on!" Luan exclaimed as she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the stage where Benny and his parents were waiting.
"Hey, you found Lincoln, that's great! I heard the judge this year is gonna be Art Slaphappy!" Benny said as Luan gasped and gained stars in her eyes. "You mean THE Art Slaphappy? The legendary comedian who's so funny it's said Charlie Chaplin himself went to HIM for comedy advice in his late years!?" she exclaimed.
"Please tell me that's a stage name…" Lincoln said. "Also wasn't Chaplin born in, like, 1890?"
"Be quiet, Lincoln." Luan said, not listening to him as the host of the event, one Beau Handsome, stepped out onto the stage clearing his throat as he raised a microphone.
"Hello there, ladies and gentlemen ,and welcome to the forty ninth annual Hazeltuckey Jester's Festival! I'm your host, Beau Handsome, and here with me today is our very special guest and the judge of this year's best prank contest is none other than Mr. Artabald Slaphappy!" He announced as Lincoln began to drink from a large soda he got at a concession stand.
"Hello everyone!" Art said as…outstepped an unmasked Professor Pester…wearing a Bill Cosby sweater and Mr. Rogers slacks and loafers. Upon seeing him, Lincoln immediately choked on his soda so hard some of it shot out of his nose like rocket thrusters, startling Luan and Benny as he violently coughed while everyone else in the tent clapped, drowning it out. "Lincoln! Are you ok?!"
Lincoln opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated as he remembered what he had promised her. "I…I'm fine, Luan…just went down the wrong pipe is all…" He coughed while rubbing his throat.
"Tell us, Mr. Slaphappy, are you excited to be here?"
"Why yes, yes I am, Mr. Handsome, I have never seen such wondrous and bright young pranksters in all my….." 'Art' said aid as he spotted Lincoln in the crowd, who was narrowing his eyes.'…Oh poop…'He thought as he cleared his throat. "Ummm, let's get down to the judging, shall we?" He said while handing the microphone back to Beau.
"Alrighty folks, you heard him, let's start with our first contestant, one Benjamin Stein!" Beau said holding up a remote and bringing down a massive screen showcasing a video.
"It's Benny's prank he calls 'the Tuba knows best'!" Beuae pressed the button and the video played, showing a huge fat guy walking and Benny emerging from a bush playing a few notes on his tuba while following him.
"Stop it!…Cut it out!…I have glandular problem!" The fat guy said as he then tripped and fell on his face with his left leg crossed over his right one and his left arm behind his back as Benny played an embarrassing tuba noise as he did so. "That'll be sixty dollars." He said in a low, deadpan tone, making everyone watching laugh their asses off. "Ok, that was pretty funny…a little mean, but still funny." Lincoln commented as Lincoln noticed Benny was being hugged by his mom…and that's when he felt something was off.
"hey…Luan…how can Benny be a brunette and his mom's hair is black and his dad's a blonde?" He asked her once again, this time a bit quieter. "Benny said it was genetic from his grandpa, remember?" She said as for some reason Lincoln had a hard time believing that he wanted to ask more questions until he heard Beau speak up.
"Now it's time for the prank of a newcomer; Luan Loud!" Beaue said as he hit the button.
"It's a little something she called 'Sign of the times'!" He said as he played the video which showed Luan standing in front of a restaurant that she had built called 'Bust-ur-guts'.
"Luan? How'd you get the money to build that?" Lincoln asked.
"That's easy, dad gave me some of his money and I used it to build the restaurant." She replied as they kept watching the video as Luan placed a sign outside the restaurant that read 'free burgers, pasta and booze' this caused a huge surge of people to quickly run inside…only for them to gasp as they saw Luan leaning against another sign that read. 'Dollar per footstep' and in three minutes flat Luan was lounging in a huge pile of money as people complained about having to give out MORE money just to enjoy free food.
"Huh…that explains how we could afford that vacation last year." Lincoln muttered as Luan grinned fondly.
"Dang, not bad for a first timer of the Jester's Festival!" Beau complimented as even Pester had to agree her prank was genius, and made a mental note to steal the idea for his own future monetary gain.
Ivo, however, was fuming and grit his teeth, but he calmed himself as he pulled out a file he had recently 'gotten' from the Royal Woods medical records as he remembered how he came across it.
Ivo was outside the field the Jester Fest was being held and typing away on his laptop just like two weirdos writing a fanfic in two different parts of the country…ANYWAY he was busy hacking into the Royal Royal hospital database, thanks to his mysterious friend (whom I'm sure you all figured was Professor Pester) giving him the idea to do so. "Lousy stupid Luan, once I find this dirt! You're going down!" He growled as he tried to find some dirt relating to Luan's birth ... .until he came across a medical file the contents of which made him smile as he opened another series of applications and started typing while laughing maniacally.
'You won't win this Jester Fest, Loud. I'll make sure of that!' He thought angrily as the crowd clapped and cheered for Luan as Ivo stood up.
"Now folks here we have Mr. Ivo Robugnik!"
"Robotnik!" Ivo growled as he made his way onto stage and placed his laptop on the podium and cleared his throat.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the crowd…I have brought to you, on this day, THE ULTIMATE PRANK!" He declared loudly as many people leaned in closer as he pressed a button on his laptop showing videos and pictures of Luan and Benny.
"For you see my friends…our dear loving contestants, Luan Loud and Benny Stein…have…COMMITED INCEST!" He declared at the top of his lungs as the image switched to a legal document…listing one Lynn Loud as Benny's biological father.
"WHAT!?" Lincoln shouted.
"WHAT!?" Luan and Benny screamed.
"WHAT!?" Beau shouted with bulging eyes.
"WHAT!?" The entirety of the stands shouted.
"WHAT!?" Pester exclaimed…yes, even HE was shocked by what he was seeing and even rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing it clearly.
Seeing this made Luan turn green as she rushed off to puke as Lincoln gave a growl and let his emotions take over, running up to the stage and tackling Pester with enough speed it took the shocked crowd several moments to realize what had happened as they ended up tumbling past the curtain to the backstage area.
"YOU! YOU DID THIS!" He exclaimed at the mad candymaker with gritted teeth as he tried to pummel his face as Pester dodged his fists which shook the entire stage and cracked the floor with each strike.
"Hey, don't look at me this isn't my fault!...O…Ok, it kinda is but I did NOT plan for this! That was all on the greasy haired ginger!" Pester defended.
"Hey!" Ivo said as he charged backstage as Lincoln was flung off of Pester as he looked around and saw a cart of pies nearby.
"PIE FIGHT!" Lincoln yelled at the top of his lungs as he grabbed two pies and threw one at Pester, only for him to duck and avoid it as it flew through the curtain and smacked into the back of Beau Handsome's head.
"HA! YOU-"
*SPLAT*
The second one, on the other hand, landed straight on his face as Pester licked its contents and cringed.
"EUGH! KEY LIME!?" He gagged. "What's next? A peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich?!"
"OH THAT'S IT!" He heard Lincoln shout as he threw more pies at Pester, who retaliated in kind as he ducked and flatened out one of the tin pie trays, carefully flattening out the edges before quickly rising up and violently throwing the aluminum disk at the preteen.
Soon the entire festival was in a pie throwing frenzy that soon erupted in a violent fist fight after Ivo, angry that his victory had essentially been ruined by Lincoln, got in close with a pie and threw it with his left, making Lincoln dodge directly into his right fist, resulting in a black eye and hitting the back of his head on a bar of wood.
"GAH!" Lincoln shouted as, before Ivo could hurt him more, he felt his grandmother grabbing his shoulder.
"Time to go." She spoke in an oddly cold tone as Ivo gave a cringe and nodded and the two of them ran off towards a helicopter, which was only noticed by Luan who was walking out of the bathroom, looking much paler and holding her stomach.
"No…No way he forged that…just to get one over me…" She groaned weakly as she watched them fly off into the air. However Luan was snapped out of her stupor by the shouting from the Jester Fest main tent and a scream of pain.
"Lincoln?" She muttered with wide eyes, her big sister instincts kicking in as she rushed back into the tent to see the chaos unfolding in the tent.
There were pies everywhere and people were full on brawling in the stands and even on the ground. She saw Beau Handsome curled up on the ground hiding under an open part of the stage and couldn't find Benny or his family anywhere. Looking around she saw her brother rolling out from backstage fighting Mr. Slaphappy.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA NOW I HAVE YOU!" He exclaimed as he strangled Lincoln in his arm growling. Instinctively and angrily, Luan ran over and delivered a nasty kick in between his legs.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!...yep…there go my candy corns!" He said in an extremely high pitched tone and he fell to his side holding his groin as he let go of Lincoln as the ground suddenly shook and the Ruffian's crashed through the stage wall in their car.
"Don't worry boss we got ya!" One said tossing pester a rope which tied around his arm.
"Wait, hold on!" Pester said but it was too late as the Ruffian's quickly drove off…while dragging Pester behind.
"AAAAAHHHH! YOU IGNORANT IMBECILES!...I HAVE NO REGRETS, OR MY NAME ISN'T PROFESSOR PESTER!" Pester shouted as another started to pull the chain closer as they drove off. "WAIT, YOU CAN TAAAAALLLLlllllk…" He exclaimed, getting quieter as he vanished off in the distance. Lincoln and Luan stood inside the tent as Lincoln panted tiredly, rubbing his now bruised throat.."
"You…you okay, Lincoln?" Luan asked him as he stared at the ground. "I'm…alright…" He spoke with a raspy tone.
"...Luan?" He heard Benny say as he shakily poked his head out from under a pile of pies. "Is…Is it almost over?" He asked in a low tone as he saw people were still fighting.
"Uhhhhh…lets find your….parents and leave while the getting's good." Luan suggested as the tension was now very awkward, all in part to Ivo's prank.
"I…Do we-"
"NO!" Both Luan and Benny exclaimed almost immediately before Lincoln could even try to start his question. "He-He clearly forged a legal document and put dads name on it to humiliate us." Luan said as the trio started to walk off.
"Yeah…that…that has to be it!" Benny said, his voice shaken as they saw his parents both covered in pie residue. "You two ok?"
"We could ask you three the same." Benny's mom said, catching sight of Lincoln's swollen black eye and busted lip, along with a small bit of blood staining the hair on the back of his head.
"Mom…that jerk Ivo, can you believe him? He said my real dad is Luan's." He said, hoping that it wasn't true.
"Yeah…..well sweetie…we….we have something to tell you…"
*4 hours later*
The Steins had dropped Lincoln and Luan off at their house. "...bye…Benny….I'll… see you at school…" Luan droned, her pupils like dinner plates as she stared off into space.
"Yeah…school….y…yeah." Benny stammered his eyes ALSO the size of dinner plates as the Steins drove off in uncomfortable silence.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"...Luan?...are you gonna be okay?"
"…No!" She said before breaking down in tears.
"I just found out my boyfriend is my half-brother!" She cried while burying her face into her hands.
Lincoln hugged Luan close to him and rubbed her back.
"Hey it's okay, Luan."
"It's NEVER gonna be ok, Lincoln!" She cried loudly as she hugged him tighter and sobbed into his hair.
"Yes it will I mean…all you guys did was make out"
"NO!...we did MORE than that…sometimes on a weekly basis…it's a miracle I'm…not pregnant!"
"O…Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…" Lincoln said horrified and disturbed as he uncomfortably hugged her back.
"...Lincoln?...I…I'm sorry." She said with a whimper as he gently patted her back.
"Sorry?...sorry for what?"
"For…For thinking you were crazy…..you were right that Pester guy is Nuts!...and here I was just mocking you. I was even considering partnering up with that friend of yours…what was his name again? Crusty?"
"…Luan, if you did that, I would genuinely consider disowning you because Rusty has lost the right to call himself my friend after all the crap he's put me through at school capitalizing off of what happened." Lincoln told her, completely seriously. "The point is Lincoln…I'm sorry…I don't know how you could even forgive me."
"I mean, you never physically assaulted me and rarely went further than puns…so your chances were pretty high." he chuckled.
"But…."
"No buts, Luan…look, I was hurt when none of my sisters…save for Lynn, believed me, but that doesn't matter now, I'm just glad YOU believe me and it didn't take you getting crippled to do it."
"Wait, what?"
"I'm just happy that's over and someone else believes me." Lincoln smiled as he opened the door to their house….only to get smashed in the face by a pickle jar. "LINCOLN!" Luan shouted as she ran over. "Are you alright?"
"More chilly fries for the kings table!" he babbled, seeing stars swirl around his head as she saw he had lost a few of his teeth and that his nose was now broken and bloody. Seeing red, Luan grabbed the intact jar and threw it with all her might back inside, hitting Lori right in the gut as she tumbled back into the stairs, groaning as her back hit the wooden steps.
"LINCOLN ALBERT LOUD! YOUNG MAN, YOU ARE GROUNDED!" Lynn Sr. shouted marching up to Lincoln…as Lincoln saw his father and mother both were wearing brass knuckles, their clothes were torn, their entire bodies were scuffed and their hands were bloody.
Looking at the rest of the house, Luan saw the entire place was in complete disarray and looked more like a condemned building in New York.
"Wait, why am I grounded? I was with Luan all day!" He exclaimed with some whistling thanks to the holes in his mouth.
"Stop making excuses, young man!"
"But Mom, he's not, he really was!" Luan tried to say as they looked at her.
"Fine. you wanna speak up for him, then you're grounded too!" Lynn Sr. shouted, making Luan gasp and Lincoln scowl just as Lucy and the others also scuffed and dirty all came downstairs…except for Luna.
"LINCOLN!" Lola growled as she and Lana tried to tackle him, only for Luan to grab their collars.
"Mom, dad I swear to you guys, I've been with Luan all day! Pester was the festival and-"
"Ugh Lincoln for the last freaking time there's no such thing! These crazy ramblings have got to stop, you're embarrassing our family! It's bad enough your antics made the entire town hate us!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed.
"Dad, he's telling the-" Luan tried to say only for them to ignore her.
"Grrrrr I AM NOT LYING, YOU BALDING OLD FUCK!" Lincoln yelled, making them all gasp in shock as Lynn Sr. dropped him. "Balding?…" Lynn Sr. spoke in a sad tone as Rita frowned and walked up to Lincoln, slapping him hard across his face.
"Never in my life did I ever think my only son would turn into….into such a disrespectful brat that's lost his mind!" She said as Lincoln held his cheek as Lori, Lisa, Luan and Lynn all looked on with concern as they saw him shed a few tears. Lincoln's hair shaded his eyes as he refused to lift his head.
"If your father said you and Luan are grounded, then you two are grounded! In fact, you two can stay here while the rest of us go on our trip to Lake Eddy this weekend! If you're willing to do this to us, then Luna was right about what she said!" Rita said, stopping as she realized just what she had said with wide eyes as her older daughters and Lucy looked at her with shock as Lincoln slowly made his way to the stairs and only said one thing.
"...was I the crazy one when some mad housekeeper tried to kill our family with a fucking dragon?" He spoke in a low cold tone, making his parents and older sisters gasp…but his younger sisters looked on in confusion as Lola rolled her eyes.
"I knew he was crazy, now he's making up more stories!" She huffed, crossing her arms as Lana gave a nod. "Yeah, as cool as that sounds, he's gotta be lying!"
"Oh really? If that's a lie, how about this?" He said before turning to his father with an angry glare. "Hey Lynn, why don't you tell them about your other son?"
"Othersonwhatotherson?" Lynn Sr. spoke quickly with his eyes darting left and right as broke out in a cold sweat
"You know exactly who I'm talking about." He said with a glare as Luan helped him up and they both ascended the stairs, leaving everyone present to turn to their parents.
"Lynn?...what IS he talking about?" Rita asked as Lynn Sr. gave a nervous chuckle and knew he had some explaining to do, while questioning how Lincoln had found out.
Luan helped Lincoln to his room and kissed his forehead as he closed and locked his door and collapsed on his bed. Lincoln grabbed Bun-Bun and held him close to his chest as he fought back tears. Sadly, he failed as he allowed them to fall as he curled up on his bed as an emotional wreck. Meanwhile Luan was making her way into her and Luna's room, Luan seriously did NOT wanna deal with Luna's shit tonight, but after what just went down it was better than nothing. Going inside, Luan dropped her duffel bag and was surprised, shocked even, to see their entire room was a even more of a mess, there were numerous holes in the wall and their bunk bed was flipped over clothes scattered everywhere and their window and personal belongs were broken Luan slowly walked inside and heard the faintest of whimpering coming from her closet. Opening the door, there she saw Luna lying in a fetal position, her skin paler than Lucy's and blood slowly leaking from her mouth.
"Luna?" She said as Luna gasped and screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH NO NO NO PLEASE NO MORE I…I….I'M SORRY JUST PLEASE NO MORE!" She begged in pure fear this shocked Luan as she slowly approached her sister who covered her head and face, expecting the worst only for uan to hug her.
"...It's okay, Luna….I'm here now." Luan said. For the first time in what felt like a long time, her anger towards Luna was gone and in its place was worry…she had no idea what happened to their family while she and Lincoln were gone but she knew whatever it was…it changed their family forever…and not in a good way.
"Luna…what the hell happened? I was only at the Jester Fest less than a day."
"No….no more….please….Lincoln…I….I'm sorry…" Luna whimpered, hugging her closer as Luan could tell Luna…was broken. Something made her this way and whatever it was she feared it was still out there.
'She keeps saying Lincoln…did that…Pester guy do something?'
"Luna? Look at me. Are you saying Lincoln did this to you all?" She asked gently as Luna hesitantly looked up at her with tears in her sunken eyes.
"...please…no more…" Luna repeated as Luan could see pure terror in her eyes and noticed they were glazed over, almost glass-like.'I've seen Luna when she's scared…but this isn't scared, this is mortified.'She thought while looking at her eyes and getting a dreadful thought. "Luna…Can…can you see me?"
For the first time, Luna didn't repeat her words. Instead, much to Luan's horror, she merely shook her head.
"Luna, did L…did he do this to you?" Luna gave a slow nod of her head as Luan looked more angry, but not at her. "Luna…that can't be possible…Lincoln was at the Jester Fest all day with me and…Benny…"
Luna gave a shake of her head as she felt around the room and touched a fallen drum set before she pointed to Luan's camera in the corner of the room. Pulling out her phone, Luan was able to go over the footage and much to her shock she saw….a second Lincoln was inside of their house. But before she could keep watching, the other Lincoln turned his head to the camera and gave an eerie smile, his eyes shining like a wolf's at night."..I know you're watching me Luan….you're next~"He said as his eyes turned black and red and her phone exploded in her hand, making her cry out as she held her burned palms.
Scowling, Luan picked up a nearby chair and used it to reach for the camera and opened up the side port to rewatch the footage from earlier just so she could see what happened. However, when she did she was greeted by Lincoln's face.
"You will suffer the same way they have, Luan…I will pleasure myself to your horrified screams…God has abandoned you, the Devil fears me..your soul will never know rest, you will DIE!"He said as Luan gave a gasp, seeing her camera erupt into blue flames, the feeling of which caused Luna to scream.
"NO NO NO NO MOMMY DADDY NOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Luna screamed as her eyes rolled up into her head as she started to foam at the mouth as she passed out just as the fire started to grow larger.
"LUNA!" Luan screamed as she and Luna were engulfed by the flames as their door was kicked in by Lori.
"WE HEARD SCREAMING, WHAT HAPPENED!?" Lori yelled as….the fires were gone as Luan stood by the wall, clenching her chest as, while the fire had vanished…it's effects hadn't as her arms were covered in deep burns, her shirt had burned through, exposing her body to the flames when they were present, causing her torso to also be covered in scattered burn marks and her hair was charred at the ponytail. A symbol was burnt into the floor, it was Lincoln's smile, but it was burnt to a crisp and a blood red center color to it.
Luan looked down at Luna and saw she was still unconscious and her limbs were twitching as Luan looked at Lori.
"...Lori…tell…me…everything!" She demanded as Lori picked up Luna and gave a nod. "...alright ,come to Lisa's room after I drop off Luna with Mom and dad….we're going to tell you everything that happened to us…while you were gone." She said with a horrified shudder.
Ooooh Boy...Looks like the Louds went through something...Dark to the Point Luna was immensely traumatized and Yes In case you all are curious What happened to Luna is Indeed the start of her Redemption Arc and I'm gonna be honest with you guys...she's gonna be put through the wringer also Luan FINALLY sees that Lincoln was Right about Pester and Now Has another Sister on his Side we even got a Small Moment between Leni and Danny thanks to Dr Light wanting to help her and we got the Long awaited Introduction to Ivo Robotnik! Who's yet to become truly Rotten as an Egg and we even meet his Grandmother...Fifi.. .ya know Fifi...from the new Movie no time to spy...yeah...Thats...uhhh...that's not hinting at anything at all and of course we got the Big one The events of First Loud House Movie happened Before the Story began! (Meaning You know who could show up later) and Benny is The Loud siblings Half-brother now there's 12 Loud kids! ...Oh dear...poor Luan ANYWAY...Next Time On The Loud House'23: The stories First ever Halloween Special!… THE LOUD GLITCH PROJECT.
