10: I want you so bad.

Motionless, I stared at the screen of my laptop. I heard my own huffing, drowned out by my heartbeat, pounding in my ears at breakneck speed. As I lowered my head, the soft chatter of my teeth creased into the silent soundscape in my head. My jaw shook uncontrollably. Whether out of anger or fear or because of an irrepressible grief, I could not define. I felt all of it.

[I'm sorry, I can't do this.]

These words had burned themselves into my retina like a cattle that was marked by its owner. Only with me it was not a symbol of belonging, but that of a deep, screaming emptiness within me.

A lonely tear dripped on the carpet below me and encouraged me to wipe my face. A thin film of sweat lay on it. I rubbed the heels of my hands over both eyes, which were moist from this thing that was fighting inside me, and by looking at my fair skin, under which my veins shimmered bluish, I realized with a dissatisfied grumble in my stomach that I had smeared my make-up. All the work for nothing. And I had been worried. How stupid.

I got up, closed the laptop so that I wouldn't have to read this nausea-inducing sentence anymore, and went, dressed as I was in a provocative corset with leather appliqués, flowery lace over lavender-colored fabric and stockings, into the small bathroom, which Hanabi wouldn't enter at this time of the day. I had told her earlier after dinner that I didn't have time today because I had to study. If I had known how this evening would end, I would have preferred a simple conversation with my sister. Or even dry legal texts. Everything was better than this. Without even once looking in the mirror, I removed mascara, eyeshadow and foundation, washed my face, combed through my bangs, some strands of which stuck to my forehead, and returned to my room. On the way to my desk, I fiddled with the long thread in my back to untie the bow so that I could finally take off this damned piece of lingerie. Why wasn't there a zipper on it? Why was King so dumb and gave me a corset that you could only put on and take off on your own with the greatest effort?! Fucking asshole.

With a cry of frustration, I swept my arms over the tabletop, chased my books and notebooks and folders and whatever else that was necessary for me to follow Hiashi's wish and become a lawyer to the ground. Everything was a mess. Draft laws next to my notes from the lectures, pens between a poorly stapled sheet of notes that someone had made for something. I didn't even know what it was for. But now it was thrashed, as was my thick tome of criminal laws. Individual pages with endless paragraphs were scattered over the pile of knowledge that I was forced to acquire. I shook my head. With this chaos, it would take an eternity to find my usual order again. It was futile.

I went into my closet, carelessly pushed the laptop to the floor, which landed with a dull crash next to the stool on which I sat down and picked up my cell phone. [I have to go to the library.] The pink smartphone in my hand trembled incessantly and I put it aside. Again I tried to grab one end of the string on my back, had to take a deep breath to avoid experiencing another outburst of anger and maybe tearing one of the kimonos – although they would have deserved it. But I wasn't allowed to. Hiashi would be so mad at me. Maybe I should do it.. My fingertips felt a knot, enclosed it tightly and I pulled. The tightness around my chest loosened a bit. I reached under the ornate leather below my armpits and widened the lacing so that I could finally get rid of this piece of fucking indecency. I would never wear that again. It was just terrible and not worth the effort. Why at all? For him? To please him? Bullshit.

My phone announced a message. Itachi wrote: [Does this have to be now?]

A simple [Yes.] was my answer. What was his goddamn problem..? Did he want to determine when and where I had to go? He was only supposed to be my bodyguard, not my babysitter – his words – so he had to be here when I called for him. Had all the men suddenly become shit?

It vibrated in my hand. [If it has to be.. I'll be there in eight minutes.]

I was tempted to pummel him in my rage and tell him that everything I ordered him to do had to be done, but I didn't. Somewhere in my brain there was a last shred of reason left that whispered to me that I wasn't myself right now. And yes, I wasn't me. I was angry and sad at the same time. 'Desperate' was perhaps the closest to my emotion, but sounded far too weak and trite. Sure, someone dumps you and you're desperate. How fucking clichéd. I didn't want to be that. I couldn't be. Hinata Hyuuga had nothing to feel, Hiashi had taught me that. No joy, no sorrow, no anger. Just a soulless remedy for my father's ends. The numbness should finally return, then my heart wouldn't hurt so much. King had made me sentimental, receptive to feelings. Such nonsense. I had always thought of him as a green flag, so loving and.. whatever. He wasn't all that. He was just a man. And I had fallen for him. I didn't know which of us was more miserable.

I randomly put on some clothes, picked up my school bag, which must still contain an empty pad and a few pens, and went down to the ground floor. At the bottom of the stairs I met Kou. "Hinata-sama," he said with a deep bow. "Why are you still up?"

"I have to go to the library," I replied distantly.

Kou's light gray eyes, which clearly identified him as part of the Hyuuga clan, but didn't shimmer as pearly as those of Hiashi, Neji, Hanabi and me, narrowed. "Isn't the library at the university already closed?"

"Correct," I nodded. "That's why I go to the city library. My bodyguard is already on his way."

"Why do you want to study at this time?" Kou asked in a critical tone.

Now I narrowed my eyes. "That's not in your interest, Kou-san. I have to learn and wish to do so in the city library. My safety is taken care of. That's all you need to know."

"Forgive me, Hinata-sama," he kissed immediately my fucking ass and bowed again.

'Sycophantic pack', I thought to myself before the doorbell rang. Without paying any further attention to Kou, I walked past him and opened Itachi, who was standing outside in the early night and looked tired and depressed or grim or whatever about something. Who cared. I didn't. He probably wanted to spend his Friday evening with something else. Wasn't my problem. If he wanted to complain, he was welcome to do it with my father, I didn't have the nerve for that today.

"Good evening," he said stiffly and jerked his head.

I made no reply. My gaze had slid from his grumpy face to his clothes. Today he was not wearing the suit in which I knew him so well. His upper body was in a tight, black turtleneck shirt and his legs in beige pants. It looked so unusual that I inevitably raised my eyebrows. I hated turtlenecks like the plague because they made every man look unnecessarily fussy in my opinion, but with Itachi – I had to confess to my shame – I liked it. He came across as so mature and disciplined, but also elegant and frugal. It was a strange mixture, but it suited him very well. I indicated a shake of my head and, still without a word, marched ahead of him over the gravel path to the property line.

Away from the high, cold walls that had kept me imprisoned for years, figuratively and literally, Itachi caught up with me and asked surprisingly calmly for his facial expressions, "Is there a reason why you want to go into town so late on a Friday?"

"Do I need one?" I replied coldly.

"Um.. no..", Itachi murmured and we stood next to each other at the bus stop. At that time, only one line was still running, which should chug here in a few minutes. "Hinata-sama, is everything okay? You seem.."

I looked at him and he fell silent. We left our conversation at that. I wasn't in the mood for a conversation and he was annoying me anyway with his questions. If he opened his mouth one more time, I'd throw his babysitter line back in his face. Yes, I was resentful. And I wasn't ashamed of it. I was constantly getting every karma slap possible, why should I be left alone with it?

Without a word, we reached the library in the city center, which was open at this late hour but sparsely visited. The security guard in the entrance area was dozing on his propped-up hand and didn't even notice our arrival. He should have his salary docked, honestly. Nevertheless, we dutifully signed the visitors' list. I directed Itachi to a number of tables at the back of the first floor. We settled down at one of them and while Itachi scanned the surroundings carefully, I pulled out all the study materials I had in my bag. I didn't care what topic sent my synapses into a restless sleep today, as long as it distracted me from this brand on my retina. [I'm sorry, I can't do this.] I groaned unintentionally and drew Itachi's attention to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could clearly see him looking at me and he was about to speak when I said quietly, but with a clear tone of command in my voice, "Shut up."

I heard a suppressed sigh from the side and closed my eyes. Actually, I didn't want to pester him like that, but I just couldn't help it. He had the misfortune of having to be near me.

When I opened my eyes again, I looked for a page in the criminal law textbook that looked halfway familiar to me, braced my elbows next to the book and my head on my hands and began to read the first paragraph.

My interest drifted off at the second word and landed on - who would have guessed it - King. My fingers tightened and dug into my cheeks. It was inevitable that I was thinking about him. I didn't want to, by all the Gods, I didn't want to think about him, but I did.

And with the mere thought of him came the question that had been waiting to be asked: Why?

Why had King reacted the way he had? He had seemed shocked, even horrified. Why? Was it my appearance? Had I used too little foundation? But you couldn't actually see anything on my face, even before the make-up. The ointment was good, Hiashi knew why he had been getting it for years. My wounds were only visible in the right or rather the wrong light. So that couldn't be the problem. But what else? Had he really found me ugly? Any reaction would have been better than the one he had shown. What would I have wanted to hear? "You're gorgeous"? My ass. Because I simply wasn't. Or was I?

Was I ugly?

In my darkest moments, I had never thought I was beautiful, but honestly, who did when you were emotionally down?

Maybe I just wasn't his type and he hadn't been able to find the words to tell me? But.. He already knew my hair and, well, at least one of my many eye colors. He knew I wasn't a typical Barbie. And my entire upper half of my face hadn't added that much more, had it? So I was ugly after all. Right..? Or not? Or was I?

But if not, then why? Why this reaction and this sentence? WHAT couldn't he do? With us? All of a sudden? Show me his face? Was HE perhaps ugly? He had muted himself, so he didn't want me to hear more of his voice. WHY?!

I slammed my fist on the table a little too aggressively. Itachi flinched and I was also startled out of my thoughts. "I'm sorry," I mumbled and stood up. Itachi tried to stand up as well, but I stopped him. "Stay here, I'm just going to get a book."

Under normal circumstances, he would certainly have protested, but he probably noticed that I needed some distance. I strolled out of sight between two rows of shelves that were crammed to the top with esoteric garbage. I ran my finger over the spines, didn't really pick up any of the titles. I didn't even know where the department was for all kinds of legal matters, but I wasn't interested either. I just wanted to be alone for a moment, away from Itachi, who was a constant reminder of my home with his presence. Just for a moment, I didn't want to be Hinata anymore, who was abandoned by King.

At "Canine-like and their symbolism" my index finger paused.

There it was. That one fact that I had wanted to ignore for the last half hour. King had left me. [I can't do this] was clear. He had withdrawn from me, decided against me. He had ended our relationship before it had even begun. I had nothing more than.. I only wanted...

I leaned against the shelf, bumped the back of my head against one of the boards and whispered, "I only wanted you..."

My face twisted and I would certainly have started crying just like that, in the middle of a half-abandoned library, if it hadn't just been half-abandoned and a noise made me wince. Every possible tear dried immediately and I looked down the corridor in the direction from which the soft rumbling had come. No one was to be seen, no one had watched me as I stood here alone and talked to myself like the primitive goldfish that I was.

I was about to turn away and return to Itachi together with my emotionless mask, when I saw something. At the corner to the left shelf there was something on the floor that made me frown. I would recognize this godless, hairy, khaki-vomit-green piece of fabric anywhere. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I was still in the mood for a conversation with Kakashi today, but I hadn't been for Itachi and Kakashi seemed very interesting to me right now. Itachi had turned me down, even though I had been willing to do this under this significant lime tree. I just needed the distraction.

But.. Was it right?

It was a defiance that set my feet in motion. King was a man, he was probably out now, looking for the next fool he could fuck. I had really been just another bitch for him, which he had now just finished off like the cold-hearted– "Good evening, Kakashi," I said as I had stepped around the corner and looked at my professor. He presented a wonderful picture: he crawled around on the floor on all fours and struggled to dab a small puddle of clear liquid from the floorboards with a single disposable handkerchief. An open water bottle with a few drops on its neck, next to a small stack of books and CDs with techno mixes and indie artists, his well-used work bag and that ugly cardigan told even the worst detective what was going on here. Having shed his personalized fur coat, he wore only a tan T-shirt that had slipped halfway up his back while cleaning, revealing his pale skin stretched over well-trained muscles with a few scattered moles, in addition to his washed-out jeans and worn-out sneakers. At the sound of my voice he flinched and jerked his head, his wild, gray hair hanging in front of his frightened eyes. "Hinata..", he gasped, sat down with his butt on his feet and plucked his shirt down his back. "What.. mh, what are you doing here at this time?" He looked good as shit, was actually clean-shaven for once, although, as always, he had that fundamentally depressed look on his face.

"I could ask you the same thing." I bent down to the pile of books and took the top one in my hand, but Kakashi had rushed to me on his knees and immediately snatched it out of my hand. "This... That.. uh.. is not meant for me..", he stammered embarrassed and put the object of shame with the cover first on the next shelf, as if it would disappear as a result.

"Flirt tactics: That's what they all jump on," I recited the title of the book and nodded meaningfully. "That sounds like shenanigans, if you ask me."

With distinct red spots on his cheeks, Kakashi blinked up at me from below. He finally understood that there was no point in denying his choice of reading, stroked his hair with a growl and stood up, so he at least didn't continue to kneel in front of me quite so humiliatingly. Now he towered over me again by half a head, but still seemed quite small, which was certainly due to his shamefully slumped posture. "Um.. Well.. Not that you're thinking anything wrong about me now. I.." His murmur was lost somewhere in his throat, which I had been watching all the time he was talking. It was amazingly attractive how his Adam's apple moved when his deep, calm voice crept past it.

I took a conscious breath. Why.. shouldn't I do it? What spoke against it anyway? It was just.. "Read me something from it."

The spots on Kakashi's cheeks grew larger. "Um.. Excuse me?" He played nervously with his fingers.

My eyes wandered up into his. "Read something to me. I have to check whether the statement that everyone jumps on is legal. Otherwise, this is a clear case of misleading and false promises."

Kakashi's brows moved an inch towards the hairline. "If.. you are sure..", he muttered, took the book off the shelf again and opened it on a random page. Our eyes met briefly, then he turned his attention to the contents and cleared his throat. "Mh, can you count?"

I snorted, half amused. "Yes?"

"Good, I'll start. Sixty-seven. Your turn."

"What?"

Kakashi shrugged his shoulders and said in an almost offended tone, "You have to join in, too, so, sixty-seven."

"Sixty-eight."

"Seventy."

"You obviously can't count, you forgot the sixty-nine," I smiled and guessed what that was leading to.

"No, I didn't, I'll save it for later." He said it so bluntly and soundlessly that I couldn't help it and burst into quiet laughter. "Okay, that one got me, I'll be honest. What else?"

Kakashi seemed to be slowly thawing out a bit, turned a page and asked, "Well.. it sounds in the context of your.. ahem, but yeah: Are you hungry?"

"No?", I asked a counter-question.

"But I am. Do you mind if I snack you? And then, well, imagine me getting down on my knees in front of you and.." He breathed tremblingly, as if he were nervous, but I noticed how his cheeks returned to their usual color and his eyes were fixed on mine more and more often.

I nodded appreciatively. "Not bad either." An idea came to me and I asked with a suppressed grin, "But.. Why don't you demonstrate it properly?"

"Hypothetically, I would have to do it for it to work. But that would probably go a bit too far, wouldn't it? This is just a check of whether the author deserves a punishment." Something dark settled on his face and he continued to scroll through the pages of his own accord. "What do you think of this one: Are you a guitar? Because I would like to grab you by the neck, play with you and listen to the sounds you make."

I shuddered and thought I was losing the ground under my feet for a moment. Kakashi hadn't missed this, probably also because I had made a hoarse chuckle. My vagina throbbed wildly and I didn't want to ignore it anymore. I just couldn't do it anymore. With one step, I took the distance between us, pressed Kakashi against the shelf behind him, stood on tiptoe and kissed him. It was not tender or reserved, no, I demanded what he had promised me with his gaze. The pressure on my lips told me that he was returning the contact. We met in a way that did not suggest any restraint. Our lips were literally fighting with each other, which of us wanted it more.

And Kakashi won. He let the book fall carelessly out of his hand, it landed insignificantly on the floor, and he used his free hands to grab me by the waist, turn us around and press me against the shelf with my back. My own hands did not remain idle. The left one lingered in his soft hair at the back of his head, so as not to allow him to end this kiss, the right went on a wander over his firm back.

Without asking for admission, which I would have granted him anyway, Kakashi's tongue entered my mouth, playing with mine, which stretched out towards him. His breath brushed my cheek in short, violent bursts as I unexpectedly bit his lower lip, and his body came even closer to me as soon as he kissed me again demandingly. Our hips touched, which made me groan. Completely blocking out my surroundings, I released my hand from his hair, slid my index finger into the belt loop of his jeans to take away any possibility of retreat there, and at the same time ran my right hand under the hem of his T-shirt, where I stroked his hot, smooth skin near the waistband of his jeans, which also elicited an unclad sound from him.

This brought me over the threshold of my mental virginity. "Kakashi..", I whispered, but regretted it immediately, because it meant that he had to move away from me. I licked the slightly reddened spot in his lower lip. "I.." I was strangely embarrassed to say it, but I didn't need to. Kakashi just breathed back, "Not here."

I indicated a nod, but added, "My shadow.."

"Rear exit," he simply stated, finally broke away from me, grabbed his cardigan, work bag and water bottle and gestured me with a short wave to follow him. We walked quickly through the rows of shelves, putting more and more feet between us and Itachi, who was certainly getting impatient, and finally stepped outside through a narrow metal door into the night.

Cool air slapped me in the face and blew away some of my arousal. Kakashi seemed to feel the same way, because he sighed heavily, placed his bag on the asphalt to put on his cardigan, picked up the bag again and looked at me with an embarrassed look in his dark eyes. A short and rather awkward silence spread between us until I boldly asked, "Do you live nearby?"

His facial expressions relaxed and he nodded. "Yes," he smiled. It was clear to see how relieved he was that I took the initiative and did not shrink back. We left the narrow alley to which the rear exit had led us, and entered the scarcely busy street. The campus was not far from here and therefore there were hardly any bars or clubs in the area, which is why only typical strays of the night were out. While running, I kept glancing sideways at Kakashi and I didn't miss the fact that he was doing the same. Nevertheless, we remained silent. There were many questions circling around in my brain that actually had nothing to do with King, rather they were about what I was doing here and what I was planning to do. Was I really on my way to my professor's apartment to sleep with him? A look at Kakashi gave me the answer. Yes, I was. Fuck.

"We're there," he suddenly said and I stopped abruptly in front of a run-down building. "Huh, that's really nearby," I realized.

Kakashi grinned and tilted his head. "That's why that bitch is so expensive. Near the university, the landlords demand your firstborn for a room with mold on the ceiling. But it's still cheaper than if I had to finance a car, because better offers are never well connected to public transport for whatever reason. The housing market is ungracious." He fumbled a bunch of keys out of his pocket and led me through a musty-smelling stairwell to the third floor to an apartment door with peeling red paint. Before he opened it, he paused for a moment and turned to me with a furrowed forehead. "Um.. Sorry for the chaos in there. I.. well, I don't really spend much time here and I'm not prepared for visitors. So.."

"Do you have a bed?" I asked matter-of-factly. He nodded and I grinned, "That's enough for me. I'm not interested in the rest of your apartment." Maybe it was a minimal lie. I was surely interested in how Kakashi lived.

The corners of Kakashi's mouth lifted gratefully, but he still seemed embarrassed when he briefly jerked the door – he seemed to have it with canted locks – and pushed a light switch that suddenly turned on side lamps scattered individually in the room, which revealed a typical bachelor pad to me. Directly behind the genkan, where we left our shoes, there was a kitchenette on which dirty dishes were piled up, in front of a narrow door, which apparently led to the bathroom, there was an overflowing laundry basket and next to a combination of couch and dining table with a healthy, pale purple orchid in a dotted flower pot in front of a small TV, the corner of a mattress with a rumpled bedspread peeked out from behind an old screen. Everywhere in the room there were large, brown boxes, some of them open and obviously containing masses of books, in some I recognized clothes, others were closed and simply stacked on top of each other. Just like Kakashi, at least until the end of last week, the sight of this apartment was repulsive, but it smelled good, although I actually spied a small, dark spot in a corner on the ceiling. If I didn't know better, I would think that a student without financial support from stinking rich parents, who couldn't get his life together on his own, had just moved in here. In truth, a thirty-year-old law professor with a doctorate and marital problems lived here, but he apparently couldn't get his life together either. The latter had hurried to the sink and was rinsing off rice crumbs and dried sauce from the bowls.

"Since when have you been living here?" I asked in a neutral tone and Kakashi almost dropped one of the bowls at this question. In an attempt to catch it, he splashed water on his shirt and cursed quietly. He had his back turned to me and sounded ashamed when he answered, "For nineteen months."

He kept a record of his miserable condition, so to speak. This apartment perfectly rounded off his appearance as a support group model. You could take a picture of him exactly now and here and use it as an example image for depression. Something painful spread through my chest. "Kakashi?"

He didn't turn around, had continued to rest his hands on the kitchen counter and rocked back and forth once, as if he had to struggle with his composure.

"Kakashi, please look at me."

He snorted, pushed himself off the counter and when our eyes met, I recognized something in his that seemed strangely familiar to me. There were the same, thick steel doors behind them which I used to keep everything locked. He clicked his tongue. "What shall I say? I'm pathetic. A wreck. A failure. I don't get shit in my life. It was only through your words that I found the courage to go to my future ex-wife and demand visitation rights for Pakkun and Buru after more than two years after we had officially split and also more than a year of divorce proceedings and arguments. I can now take them on the weekends." He grinned broadly and obviously wrongly. "I'm honestly grateful to you for that, but then I wonder why I didn't do it sooner."

This painful thing inside me got bigger. There he was again, the kicked dog and his pitiful whimpering. I didn't know what to say, so I came to him, put my arms around his neck and hugged him. I stroked the back of his head with my fingers, hesitated for a moment, but then said very quietly, "You're broken, Kakashi, but that doesn't mean you've failed. You can still put yourself together. Or are you already dead?"

Kakashi laughed briefly and murmured, "Inside? I have been for a long time."

I felt the oppressive mood crumble and moved away from him a bit but kept my hands on his neck. I looked him gravely in the eyes. "We all are to some extent, aren't we? But is that supposed to stop us?"

He smiled and that dark sparkle returned to his irises, which I could see earlier tonight. "No." He touched my waist with his large, long-fingered hands and began to gently stroke my sweatshirt. "I don't want to let something called morality stop me from being attracted to you anymore." At these words my vagina awoke, which had briefly dozed off. Kakashi bent down to me, we closed our eyes at the same time and he breathed his lips on mine. "I want to fail to be a presentable lecturer if that means I can finally touch you." His voice became quieter and quieter, penetrated deeper and deeper into my core and stirred an immeasurable desire in me. Kakashi's grip tightened on my sides and the kiss he gave me before his next words was much greedier than the one before. "I want you, Hinata.."

My answer followed nonverbally. I finally pulled him to my lips, clawed my fingernails into his hairline and pressed my hips against his. His fingers cramped briefly and he didn't hesitate to moisten my oral cavity with his tongue. The fire that had been lit between us in the library flared up to full size and both of our bodies formed our thoughts. Kakashi's fingers pushed my shirt up and found their way onto my skin. I flinched because of their coolness, but they did not alleviate my lust at all. Rather, they encouraged me to raise Kakashi's blood pressure to warm them up.

Demandingly, I ran from his neck under the thick fabric of the cardigan and tore it from his shoulders. I couldn't help but grin and whispered, "Heavens, I've been wanting to do that since last Monday."

Kakashi darkly giggled. "Don't you like it?" he asked quietly between two small kisses.

"No," I said with a sigh.

"Then it's good that you take it off of me." He stripped off this fluffy piece of shit, exposing his strong arms. My trembling fingers stroked the protruding veins on his forearms and I gasped unconsciously. Kakashi seemed to be spurred on by this. He entangled me in a wet kiss again, grabbed my butt without warning and pinched. I moaned softly into his mouth and could feel his grin on my lips. With a creepy ease he lifted me up, held me by the thighs. I wrapped my arms and legs around him so as not to slip down, and so I put myself completely in his power.

He carried me continuously kissing past the many boxes across the room to the bed, knelt on it and let me sink onto the mattress with my back first. Our tongues and lips didn't separate for a second when he began to open the button and zipper of my jeans. His index finger slid tenderly over the hem of my panties, a flash of lightning rushing through my abdomen and I instinctively lifted my hips.

Again, Kakashi let out an enthusiastic growl. "Be honest with me, Hinata. How aroused are you?" he whispered in a husk voice against my lips.

"You have no idea," I replied and sounded much more desperate than I had planned. In this tone of voice, I seemed like a nymphomaniac begging for a cock. And by God, that's what I did. I finally wanted to feel him inside me, even if a certain fear of sex continued to flutter around in my brain and made me stop all this almost at any moment.

But that worry was silenced once again when Kakashi moved caressingly from my mouth over my chin down to my neck, finding a spot where I seemed to be particularly sensitive, and biting into it gently. His hand snuck into my pants and glided with a slight pressure over the damp fabric on my vagina, which made me gasp and lift my hips again.

"Mhh, yes, I do," he whispered against my artery, kissed it gently and could have let me cum through this alone.

"Please..", I implored, opened my eyes and looked at him with a blurred gaze, "please, Kakashi.."

It was clear in his deep black eyes that it aroused him how much he drove me to the abyss of passion. His two fingers on my vagina exerted more pressure, so that my already swollen clitoris and the overlying fabric slipped between them. I moaned loudly, slapped my hands against his shoulders, dug my fingernails into his T-shirt, and pressed my head into the pillow. My entire abdomen pulsed longingly. "Oh fucking fuck!", I gasped.

A mean grin stole onto Kakashi's greedy face. "Yep, you're very aroused~" he purred, licked his lower lip, pulled his hand out of my pants, straightened up and slipped his T-shirt over his head in a fluid movement. The small bedside lamp lit up something that took my breath away. I had previously noticed that he was more muscular than his furry cardigan suggested, but HOW muscular he actually was was actually brazen. His shoulders were broad, his upper arms – the left with the red tattoo of a stylized flame, the right with the heart-shaped birthmark on the inside – taut, his trained chest twitched with every movement of his arms and his stomach was adorned with vales where the smooth skin covered the muscles together with a large, x-shaped scar. Either Kakashi was tensing everything or he was indeed so effortlessly defined. He was just.. perfect. Not even his scars or the birthmarks that were spread over his upper body could destroy this image in front of me. I even had nothing against his hair length because they had been completely messed up by the tight collar of his T-shirt, and he was so sexy, together with the shallow bump in the lumbar region.

Kakashi looked at me with a furrowed brow and a dirty grin. "Do you like what you see?"

"Like?!" I croaked, wetting my dry lips. "You.. Shit, why are you so perfect?"

Kakashi laughed roughly.

I shook my head. "No, honestly. You are a professor of legal history. You can't be so fucking hot. Are you secretly a superhero or something?"

Suddenly, Kakashi's grin faded a bit, he took a deep breath and asked softly, "Do you really want to know?"

Despite the unexpected change of mood, I nodded. It was clear to me that there was nothing that this kind of question implies that should be spoken out loud within foreplay, but at the moment I was not only longing for Kakashi's physical closeness. Maybe it was just the urge to have my first consensual sex with someone about whom I felt like I knew everything he wanted to reveal to me. It shouldn't just be physically intimate between us.

Clearing his throat, Kakashi put his hands in his sides, probably unconsciously presenting me with a magnificent view of his upper body, and said, "Absolute mood killer, I know, but the reason for this is my wife." I had to swallow hard. "Do you still want to hear it?" I nodded eagerly. "All right. The short version: We were nineteen when our child was stillborn. You know her reaction to it, I dealt with it differently, but by no means better. Less than two days after the miscarriage, I committed myself for several years, after my military service I studied law with a subsequent doctorate and took over the chair. When I wasn't on missions or later at university, I went to the gym to push my body to every possible limit on the one hand and not go home on the other hand to have to realize in my wife's face that I had failed to conceive a viable child. I have taken refuge in the addiction to harm myself. I would rather have my body hurt than allow myself to face my feelings." He snorted, half amused. "You probably think I'm going to condemn you for your, well, I'm sorry to address this so openly, but your anorexia, right? That would be hypocritical. My body fat percentage is at maybe five percent, on good days."

I smiled and was glad not to have to go into his picture-perfect depression regarding his dead child. "Hey, after all, it's more than mine, with my tits ruining my cut."

Kakashi's eyes darted from mine down to my breasts. He let his hands wander to my hips, slowly pushed up my sweatshirt until my dark blue bra was exposed, and stroked it in delicate, small wavy lines. His gaze became hungry, his posture built up a bit, he growled softly and grasped both cups with his hands, which began to knead gently. He leaned down to me again, picked up my soundless gasp with his mouth, kissed that one spot on my neck again and murmured, "You're just perfect, Hinata.."

"Haa, Kakashi..", I moaned softly as he pressed his pelvis against mine, sucked on my neck and continued to massage my breasts. My vagina reawakened as it felt a certain hardness return, sending euphoric signals into my brain that made me gasp. His hip began to rub against me carefully, robbing me of my last inhibition. "Nghhh, Kakashi, please fuck me..!", I whispered and almost hoped he hadn't heard me, because it wouldn't be so embarrassing for me.

But of course, he had and didn't hesitate for a second to comply with my plea. He dug his arms under my torso, putting me in a sitting position. As if he knew exactly what he was doing, he opened the clasp of my bra and pulled it off my arms along with the shirt. He slipped the top over my head and threw both somewhere where it could no longer bother me. Kakashi briefly feasted on the sight of my exposed bust, pinched my left nipple, grinned scornfully and immediately started to get rid of my legwear. I assisted him as best I could, and I found it absolutely hot with what greedy speed he tore my clothes off my body. It was clear that neither of us wanted to wait any longer.

As I sat completely naked in front of him, I felt his gaze burn into every inch of my body. His black eyes glided along my fair skin, covered in a fine duck pelt, and finally stuck to my private parts. Again, he grinned crookedly. "Do you know how sexy you are?" he asked, grabbing the bump in his crotch as if he needed to keep his erection under control.

I bit my lower lip with a smile and spread my legs a little more. "Do you like me?" My subconscious whispered to me that it was necessary to ask this question. I needed this confirmation.

Kakashi opened his belt and jeans, freed his stiff penis from any layer of fabric, enclosed the shaft and rubbed its entire length up and down once. In the weak light of the small lamp, a few drops of pleasure were already shimmering at the top. "In case you can't already guess: Fuck yes, I like you," he growled in a tone that made me shudder. My gaze darted from his lustful eyes to his member. It didn't get into my head that Kakashi simply had a six in the lottery when it came to looks. Attractive face, perfect amount of perfectly defined muscles and now he also had a perfect cock, which he held out to me with his veiny hand. Deep down, I had feared what would happen if his equipment had been massively crooked, tiny, unsightly or far too hairy. But none of this was the case. He was clean-shaven, pale with a pink tip, veined to just the right extent, had only a minimal curvature upwards and damn well a perfect size. I'd have to lie if I said I wasn't relieved. Kakashi's cock was beautiful, as was its owner.

My smile widened, I leaned forward a little and touched his glans with my trembling lips. I had looked at instructions on the internet and tried to practice something like this on the dildo, and hoped fervently that I didn't fail all along the line. Tentatively, I picked up the slightly salty precum with the tip of my tongue. My heart was racing at this taste. It wasn't disgusting as I knew it, and an unimagined anticipation grew in me. I opened my mouth wider, pressed my tongue against the hardened raphe at the bottom and let Kakashi slide deep into my throat until I noticed a familiar pressure on the palate, stopped, closed my lips tightly around the shaft and formed swallowing movements with my tongue and throat. At the same time, I rubbed my clitoris and felt an irrepressible desire growing inside me. My vagina was craving this unbelievably great cock in my mouth.

From above I heard Kakashi panting softly "Fuuuck..", he put both hands on the back of my head, dug his fingers into my hair and his cock twitched violently in my mouth. I pulled my head back a little, looked up, noted with satisfaction that Kakashi was watching me with a dark glow, played around every tangible vein with my tongue and at the same time began to work on his testicles, which felt like large, soft marbles in a taut sack of supple skin. With a short moan on his part, my face approached his loin again and this time I clearly felt his hands eagerly pushing me further than the point I had just reached. His erection pressed mercilessly into my throat and I chuckled moistly. The tickling of my palate brought tears to my eyes and I fought the gag reflex with bated breath. Again, he twitched inside me and I felt something hot running down my esophagus, while Kakashi let out a long-drawn-out "Yeahhh...". He was panting heavily as he pulled his fingers out of my hair and gradually slid out of me.

I coughed croaking, as soon as his hardness had completely left me, and held my hand in front of my mouth to intercept the emerging sperm.

"Shit, sorry," Kakashi gasped. "Normally I don't come from something like that, otherwise I would have warned you in advance or pulled out. I didn't want you to be forced to swallow. If you want to rinse your mouth, then—"

With a penetrating look and a slow glide of the tip of my tongue over my ejaculate-covered palm, I silenced him. I swallowed demonstratively, stuck out my tongue and put my head far back so that he could see that I meant my following words, ""Kakashi, stop talking and just fuck me."

Kakashi gasped, shuddered visibly and his eyes darkened again. He bent between my spread thighs, pushed me back into the pillow and entangled me in a demanding kiss. Our tongues played with each other and I grabbed his now wet cock to rub it back to full hardness. In my hand it felt strangely huge, bigger than in my mouth. My thumb and index finger just touched as I put them around the shaft. To my displeasure, Kakashi broke away from me again. "Hinata, wait a minute, I have the condoms in my wallet, I'll go get them–AAH!" He groaned in agony.

"I told you to stop talking," I murmured firmly, loosening my grip on his member. "I can't get pregnant, so just put it in."

He gave me a last strangely questioning look, but he left it at that, exchanged my hand for his, kissed me again and then I felt something firm glide over my expectant labia.