It was barely four in the morning when young Dean heard his brother.

"Are you awake?"

He sighed, turning on his side to face young Sam. "Yeah." He threw his hands up to block the sudden blinding light when Sam switched on the lamp. "Jesus."

"I can't sleep."

Dean sighed again, settling back with his eyes closed. "How much did you get?"

"Five hours." Young Sam said, sitting on the edge of his bed. "You?"

He glanced at the clock. "Two." Dean rubbed his hand over his face, trying to push past the last pulls of unconsciousness. He and the older Sam had sat together a long time last night.

Young Sam hugged his arms around himself. "I keep thinking about going back."

"Yeah."

Sam didn't say anything for a moment.

Young Dean looked up, squinting past the light to look at his brother. He frowned, pulling himself up. "Hey." He said softly, getting up and crossing to sit next to Sam.

"I know we have to." Sam said, looking down.

"I know."

"I almost don't want to."

Dean put a hand on Sam's shoulder.

"I know… I mean I don't want to leave Dad or… or Bobby…" He squeezed his arms tighter. "But… I don't know… it's been…"

Three full meals a day. Quiet. Full of movies and fishing and the internet.

"Who knows if that'd last." Dean tried to reason, but he couldn't bring himself to put much of an effort into it. He tried anyway. "Like a vacation. It all goes back to normal after."

"I said it was better… hunting without Dad."

"Sam-"

"I don't want to fight the apocalypse." Sam said, voice small. "I don't want to give up college."

I don't want to go to hell. Dean felt his face flush, room pushing in for just a moment. "We turn out okay." he reminded Sam, but his thoughts circled back to Cas. "I mean… as good as we could."

"He won't tell me much." Sam said. "Me… I know he's hiding things. Things that happened to us."

"Yeah."

"Have you uh… did he tell you anything?"

"No."

"You're lying." Sam said, leaving no room in his voice for doubt.

Dean closed his eyes. "Yeah, alright, but he didn't tell me anything about you."

"What did he say about you?"

"Sam-"

"Tell me!"

"No." Dean said firmly. "He… I… It's for me to know."

"That's not good enough." Sam said forcefully. "I want to know."

Dean closed his eyes. "It's bad."

"What?"

"It's real bad, Sammy. I… I don't want to talk about it." He couldn't talk about it. "I… I don't…" He felt the hot flush of his face but he managed to stave off tears for the moment at least. "I don't want to go back."

It felt heavy, and came with a white hot flash of guilt. He immediately felt a keen stab when he thought of Dad.

Dean shifted slightly, feeling the absence where the bruises should still be splashed across his rib cage. Third week of the motel. Before that, Werewolf. Before that someone else. Why is it always no highways and one bar?

"Dean?"

Dean closed his eyes, riding out a lightheaded wave.

He was going to hell in thirteen years.

Fifty years from now he'll still be in hell.

And what was he losing now? His mind flashed back again to sitting with the older Sam for hours last night. Of what they talked about.

"Dean?"

"I don't want to go back, Sammy." Dean repeated softly.

.

Sam had already showered after his run when the two kids walked into the kitchen. "Coffee is hot." He said, figuring young Dean would want a cup.

Young Dean looked around. "Do we have-"

"Hot chocolate mix is in the cabinet."

Young Sam's eyes widened, and he grinned as his brother began to prepare him a mug.

Sam studied them, suppressing the urge to sigh. They both looked exhausted. He could guess that they hadn't gotten much sleep.

Honestly, he hadn't either. The thought of sending them back was weighing heavily on his mind. He felt like their executioner; He was quite literally damning them both to hell.
We get through it. Sort of.

Sam looked up as Cas walked into the kitchen, note in hand. "What's up?"

"Dean left."

Sam frowned. "What?" He held out his hand, waiting to grab and scan the note.

Cas,

Figure you'll come snooping before Sam does. Grabbed the ingredients list from Sam's notebook. Hitting up a hunter in Nevada who has the shit we need. I'll meet you guys in Oklahoma when you find the magic dirt.

-Dean

P.S. Stole your truck so you didn't all have to cram in there. You're welcome. Or Sorry.

"Oh." Sam handed it to young Dean who read it with his younger brother peering over his shoulder. He was piecing together the picture.

Young Dean had come to him distraught last night, but he only did because he figured it out. Of course his older self was panicking having been found out, but instead of coming to Sam, he ran.

Young Dean paled and looked back down at his coffee. He wasn't surprised either.

Cas however was in the dark, and he came to the table, sitting next to Sam across from the young Winchesters. "I suppose we'll continue here." He was moderately surprised. He wasn't particularly vital to figuring out the last ingredients, and Sam had pointed out that Dean hadn't let him leave his side since Ramiel. He supposed that had finally faded.

Cas was a little disappointed he did not at least get to check in before Dean took off. He was usually in the library and almost certainly would have caught him, but last night he decided to settle in his room and finish the Vonnegut book he borrowed from Dean.

Honestly he had hoped he could talk with Dean about it today.

"Well, I guess we'll just figure out our end." Young Dean said, clearing his throat.

Sam nodded. "I've got an idea of what we're looking for. If my theory is right, the new challenge will be finding it." He stood up, grabbing his now empty mug and heading to refill it. "I'm not too worried though."

"Yeah, well." Young Dean swallowed. "Not like we're on a time crunch." I wouldn't mind staying a bit longer.

"Yeah." Sam turned with his mug, heading towards the door. "I'll get started. Cas, did you come across any books on earth rooted spells?"

"I did." Cas said, getting up to follow him out towards the library.

"Hopefully Dean's contact has the rest of the things we need." Sam said with a sigh.

Cas tilted his head. "Did he give any indication he was planning to leave last night?"

Sam frowned, not quite sure how to approach it. "Him and his younger self…"

"I left when he arrived." Cas said. "There was friction?"

"Yeah." Sam said. Close enough. "Guess he was restless enough he took off."

"Ah."

"He'll clear his head and meet us there. He always does."

"Mmh."

"In the meantime, we'll get things together on our end. The faster we get it done, the faster we can meet up." And the faster they could put this behind them. "It's gonna take time to come to terms with all this."

"It is regrettable they will need to leave so soon." Cas said, echoing Dean's sentiment from the night prior.

"Yeah. Better to get it over with though. For everyone. The anticipation is worse."

"Is that true?"

"Hopefully."

.

It took eight days to figure out what they needed.

Sam took the second to last bag from Cas and tossed it into the back of the impala, shutting the trunk after young Sam threw the last bag in. "Already sent word to Dean. He'll beat us there." He clapped his younger self on the shoulder.

Young Dean nodded absently, staring at the closed trunk.

Sam glanced over at young Dean. "Why don't you and Cas hit town and grab breakfast, and we'll finish up here."

"I-" Young Dean snapped his head up to look at him.

"You know what I want." Young Sam said easily, turning and heading back inside to finish going through his things.

"Get a few things for the road too." Sam said. He hesitated for a second before tossing the key to Cas. "You two work out who's driving." He shrugged, heading out after his younger self.

Cas turned back. "Would you prefer to drive?" He didn't actually think asking was necessary.

"Obviously." Dean confirmed.

Cas handed over the keys, heading to the passenger side of the Impala.

Young Dean hadn't spent much time around Cas without other people in the last week. Honestly he had managed to keep what he knew about his older self out of his head for the most part.

It hadn't been too hard. There was a lot to do. Research, shooting range, netflix

Young Dean slid behind the wheel, letting himself take a reflexive deep breath, feeling himself settle back against the leather. His dad taught him to drive years ago, and he was used to taking shifts with his father on their long treks across the country.

More than any place had ever been, it was his home.

Felt more than a little weird taking a back seat in the impala to anyone but his father, so this was refreshing. "I'm glad Baby made it."

Cas gave a small half smile, looking over her interior with fondness as they pulled out of the garage and onto the street. "You have rebuilt it several times now."

Dean took a second to appreciate all the details he managed to keep over the years. The small imperfections that makes her what she is. "Half a century old and running like she just rolled off the lot."

"You spend a lot of time working on her."

"Gotta treat a lady right." Dean was pretty sure he could hear the eye roll and he chuckled. He spared a sideways glance at Cas.

It was not so easy to push thoughts away now that they were cornered together.

He barely knew anything about him. "Hey, you uh, want some tunes?"

Cas bowed his head in a move that Dean interpreted as 'I couldn't care less, but you clearly do, so ok.'

"Why don't you pick something out."

Dean wasn't surprised when Cas knew exactly where to look. He studied the cassette options before he pulled one and slid it into the tape deck. He listened to it kick to life.

Cas looked down when he heard his phone chirp. He slid it from his pocket, reading the message.

"Sam?"

"You." Cas said. "You've arrived at the motel."

"Great." He turned his attention back to the road as soon as Cas turned his way.

"This time tomorrow you will have returned."

"Yeah." Young Dean cleared his throat to hide the slight break. "Like it never happened."

Cas dipped his head in agreement.

"How much uh…" Young Dean swallowed. "How much have I told you about being a kid?"

The hesitation didn't go unnoticed. "You've been fairly reserved with what you've told me." Cas said carefully.

"About my Dad?"

"You have some fond memories of him." Cas said truthfully. He took a slightly deeper breath. "But not all of your stories paint such a picture." He tilted his head. "You have spoken more of Bobby than your own father though."

"Oh… I uh… Sammy and I have it rough sometimes. I… the last couple weeks have been kind of nice."

"You didn't ask to say."

"That's not how this works." Young Dean said. "You know that. We have to go back."

"You still could have asked."

"What we have… watching the three of you… sort of seems… I don't know, worth it?"

Cas raised his eyebrows.

"I mean yeah, maybe I'd change my tune after hell or whatever… but we don't… Sammy and I don't have a home. Never thought we would. And here you guys are… batcave included. Sammy has a roof over his head, and you're making a real difference." He shook his head. "I don't know." He repeated.

He still didn't want to go back. But it wasn't the worst thing. Maybe.

Cas gave a faint smile. "I like to think so… that you have found some small measure of contentment."

"You…" Young Dean's pulse picked up. "Are you happy here? With them?" With him.

"I have found contentment as well."

"Good." Dean said, a little too quickly.

"It has been nice having somewhere to return to."

"Are you staying? After we leave, I mean."

"Yes." Cas replied. "I plan to… I have been asked to."

"By me?"

"Yes."

"You enjoy my company."

"Mmh." Cas agreed. "And Sam's."

"And Sam's." Dean echoed vaguely. "You're family."

"You have said this." Cas confirmed.

"That's uh… that's good." He drummed his fingers on the wheel. "Has he told you anything else? About me, or uh… him?"

Cas furrowed his brow. "We have known each other for years, you have told me a great many things."

"Oh…" Obviously, Jesus. "I just meant-" What did he mean?

"You have become more open over the years." Though Cas had to admit, Dean had been fairly open with him for a long time. Cas' mind flashed back to a hospital bed, Dean admitting to him his fears right before Zachariah pulled Sam and Dean into a cruel experiment to try to reignite Dean's spark. He was still a servant to heaven then, and Dean opened up. "I think we know each other well."

It went both ways. It was Dean who was there for him when he first found out the angels had been forsaken by God. It was Dean who he confided his self loathing shortly after he returned from Purgatory.

"Do you…" Young Dean didn't know why he wanted to know. "You met me after… in hell…"

"Yes."

"What else do you know?"

Cas looked out the window. "You wish for me to summarize every bit of information you have confided in me over the seven years we've known each other?"

Young Dean's face reddened. "Oh… yeah, I guess not."

"You do not speak often of your time before we met." Cas said. "At least not unprompted."

"Ah."

Cas gave a half nod, still looking out over the scenery as they continued their drive.

"So uh… what about you?" Smooth.

"What about me?"

" I mean… I barely know you. What sort of stuff… uh, I mean, you two… we don't just talk. What sort of stuff do we do?"

Cas looked back at him, studying him as young Dean slightly squirmed in his seat. "You have been attempting to, in your words, expose me to culture."

"Movies?"

"Many." Cas confirmed. "You have also recommended to me several books which I have been reading as you and Sam sleep."

"What is your favorite movie?"

Cas thought for a moment. "Recently I enjoyed The Princess Bride."

"Nice. What's your least favorite movie?"

"I refuse to suffer your ire twice."

Young Dean snorted. "As long as I gave you a hard time once."

Cas simply gave a put-upon sigh.

Young Dean relaxed slightly. "He really trusts you… uh, I mean they trust you."

"It is mutual."

"Good." Dean settled back, focusing on the music and finally managing to push his doubts and insecurities to the back of his mind. He let himself get lost in the drive.

.

Sam walked into the room the kids had been sharing, watching his smaller self stare at the stuff they had been using, spread out on the bed.

Young Sam looked up, frowning. "I don't know how much to take."

"It's about four and a half hours to the motel." Sam said. "Won't be long."

"So I shouldn't take any of it." Young Sam said slowly. "Because we don't need it."

"Yeah." Sam said softly. "Maybe your jackets for the way there."

"Yeah." Young Sam gathered the rest of the clothes up, putting them in one pile. "Anywhere… um… should I put this anywhere?"

"There's fine." Sam said.

Young Sam sighed. "I wish I could bring the coat with us." He said, picking up his jacket before grabbing his brother's. "It's way nicer than mine."

Sam thought back, giving a small smile. "I think Dean gives you a jacket for Christmas this year."

Young Sam looked up, eyes widening a bit and managing a small smile of his own. "Yeah?"

"Boots too if I remember.

"Where do we spend Christmas?" Young Sam turned and sat on the bed to face himself.

Sam sat down on the chair that had been shoved against the crowded wall to make more room. "Some town in Washington. Motel was right off the highway. We were there probably almost two months."

"Was Dad there?"

Sam frowned but shrugged. "Not on Christmas, but he showed up by New Years. Spent it down at Bobby's."

"That sounds nice."

"Yeah. It was a good year." Sam said fondly.

Young Sam was quiet for a moment, looking down at his hands while he absently picked at the torn threads around a hole in his jeans. "I'm scared." He admitted, barely a whisper.

"Of what?" Sam asked, disguising the slight shake in his voice. He wasn't sure exactly what anyone else had said to him.

"Of whatever you're not telling me." Young Sam replied. "You… there's a lot you don't talk about. Dean… Dean said he doesn't want to go back. He knows something bad happened… I know that means something bad happens to me."

Sam closed his eyes. "Sammy…"

"It's Sam." Young Sam protested on instinct.

"Sam… it-"

"You're not going to tell me." Young Sam finished resentfully.

"No. I'm not." Sam confirmed. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want to go through it."

"It isn't all bad." Sam tried to reassure him. It was a little hard when his mind was helpfully providing him with one tragedy after another. Jess. Lucifer. Hell. Gadreel. Charlie. Mom. The hits kept coming.

"It's nicer. Here. Right now." Young Sam said quietly, taking a deeper breath. "Right? It's nicer?"

"Yeah."

"So it does turn out okay."

"Yeah." At least better. For now. "Roof over your head. Hunting with your brother. And friends."

"You said it wasn't for us… college… was it at least fun?"

"Yes." Sam said, managing to put a bit more sincerity into it.

Young Sam wanted to ask why they left, but he didn't want to know why they left.

Sam was glad he didn't. He would have lied, but he didn't want to.

"Does Dad come home soon? In our time?"

"Soon I think." Sam said. "Can't quite remember, but not too long."

"Is he in a good mood?"

"He is."

"Good." Young Sam relaxed slightly. "He's been gone a long time… I miss him." He admitted. "He's hunting a djinn."

Sam looked up when he heard the bunker door clang shut. "They're back."

Young Sam sighed. "Guess we should get moving."

"Yeah." Sam said, feeling his chest tighten. "Let's hit the road."

.

Cas' truck was outside the motel when Sam rolled the impala into the parking lot.

Once stopped, it was a moment before anyone reached for their door. Cas left first, then Sam. The kids exchanged a longer look before they finally slid across the seat and got out of the car.

Young Dean followed Sam and Cas to the trunk, intent on lending a hand carrying things.

Young Sam crossed to where Dean was just stepping out of the truck. "You found the stuff?" He asked pointlessly, knowing the answer already.

"Got it all here." Dean said, patting the canvas bag he had slung over his shoulder. "One time travel spell, coming up."

"It's kind of cool." Young Sam admitted. "You guys doing magic." He frowned. "Us doing magic."

"Yeah, special occasion." Dean said, stepping forward to ruffle Sam's hair. "Should give you a trim before you go back."

"No!"

"Buzz it all off."

"You can't! You'll ruin the- the space-time continuum!"

"Oh fine." Dean said, feigning disappointment. "I guess we'll leave the timeline intact."

Young Sam let out a huff. He leaned back, thinking for a moment. "It was nice…"

"What was?"

"Seeing you. And me. Just seeing who we are gonna be." He smiled. "Knowing I'm gonna be taller."

"Oh, shut up." Dean rolled his eyes. "You're too tall. Freakish really. Scares off all the girls."

"Does not."

"Shouldn'ta fed you all those vegetables."

"You don't feed me vegetables."

"Bull." He looked up as his younger self walked over, carrying two bags of his own. "You feed him vegetables, right?"

"Every meal." Young Dean said with a nod.

"You do not!" Young Sam protested.

"Ketchup is a vegetable." Young Dean said, easily.

"I take it back." Dean said with a half laugh. "It's a wonder you ever got taller than me."

Young Sam stuck his tongue out at him.

Sam walked up behind them. "Hey, before you go in… I want to…" He tripped over his words a bit. "I want to get a picture of you two."

Young Dean groaned. "Oh, come on."

Sam shrugged. "We don't have any… it'd be nice to uh… just to have one."

"Just one." Young Dean warned.

Sam put his hands up. "Alright."

Young Dean handed his bags to Cas' outstretched arm.

"I'll get started." Cas said, heading towards the building as the kids got closer together, turning at Sam's instruction so the impala was behind them.

Young Dean was true to his word, only holding still until Sam had taken the first shot before he moved.

Young Sam cut in front of him, pulling on the canvas bag until Dean relented and let it slide off his shoulder. The younger hunter nearly overbalanced with the heavy bag, but as soon as he steadied himself he headed off after the direction Cas went.

Sam followed close behind.

Dean looked over at his younger self.

Young Dean watched the sun where it had begun to lower in the sky. "We'll be gone before sunset."

"Yep. In time for dinner."

"It'll be breakfast for us."

"True." Dean said with a sigh. "You ready?"

"Honestly, I gotta get out of here man." Young Dean said, shoulders deflating.

Dean raised his eyebrows.

"This whole place is one chick flick moment after another. It's exhausting." He said.

It wasn't exactly a lie. But it wasn't quite the truth. By sixteen, Dean had a handle on himself. His carefully constructed walls had been torn down at Sonny's. Before he woke up in 2017 he had just barely managed to pack it all back up.

The last two weeks had been punishing. Learning of hell, a hunt gone wrong, learning about Cas. The revelation alone was tiring, but it wasn't even that.

Sitting in the rain with Cas as his world spun out of control, Jody bandaging his bleeding hands, Sam holding him in the kitchen after finding out about Cas. His nerves were fried. He relied on his walls to keep him upright, and event after event here seemed determined to chip away at them again. Every fresh horror was instantly set upon with a tenderness he had never met before.

It hurt.

Dean understood what he meant.

Young Dean cleared his throat. "Besides. We got people back home. Dad, Bobby…. And we're gonna get to watch Lord of the Rings for the first time again."

"Worth it?"

"You bet."

Dean shook his head. "Yeah, alright."

Young Dean was glad his older self didn't lie to him. No 'everything is going to turn out ok' bullshit.

Still. Young Dean looked up across the way where his brothers had followed Cas. Hell, the apocalypse, whatever. He had family. He had Sam here with him. That wasn't nothing. He didn't want to go back. But he could accept it.

"It's going to be enough." Dean said.

Young Dean turned his attention back. "What-"

"The job. You're worried money's gonna run out. Only another three days. Then you spend a week with Bobby before heading back east."

"Wish I'd remember that when I wake up tomorrow worrying." Young Dean said with a snort.

"Would be nice."

"What's the deal with my ribs, anyway?"

"I'm gonna kick you on your way out."

"Ha, ha."

"Nah. You just had the best night sleep of your entire life. Wild how well the body can heal when it's rested." Dean said with fake wonder. "Doubt it'll raise suspicions." Dean shrugged. "Actually we know it didn't raise suspicion. I don't remember anything weird about it."

"Good to know." Young Dean rubbed his hands together. "So, any last minute revelations you wanna lay on me before we shake this etch-a-sketch?"

"Braves win the World Series."

"Fuck."

Dean pushed back from the back of the impala, chuckling. "Come on, kid. Let's get you home."

.

Young Sam was sitting on the carpet, knees up, watching Sam and Cas setting up a bowl and lining components around it. "How does it work?"

"You two are not supposed to be here." Cas said. "This spell takes something that is out of its time and follows the thread back to where they're supposed to be."

"It's just moving the puzzle piece back in place." Sam continued, getting up and grabbing the large bag of sand. "If we set up the boundaries right, the entire room will exist in the past for a few minutes." He began to pour the sand around the border of the room.

"So…" Young Dean said, trying to keep his voice even. "What's it gonna be like?"

"Sam will read the scroll and light the candle." Cas said. "The effect should be instant. Once we are in your room in the past I will put you both asleep where you had been. After you are unconscious I will remove your memories."

Young Dean shuddered. "Yeah."

Young Sam scooted away from the wall as Sam continued the line behind him to close off the room. "Will it hurt?"

"No." Cas assured him. "You will feel nothing."

Young Dean swallowed. "We'll just wake up tomorrow, like nothing happened."

"That's the idea." Sam said.

"Good." Young Dean lied. He looked over at his little brother. "Hey, ditch the jacket."

Young Sam blinked for a second before sitting up straight, shrugging out of the coat. He looked up, catching Dean's eyes before tossing it to him.

Dean threw it carelessly out of the room and beyond the sand line.

Young Sam looked at it, crumpled in the dilapidated hallway. I guess it doesn't matter. He thought. No one's gonna need it anymore.

Sam straightened up, inspecting his work carefully for a minute. "Okay. I think we're set. Cas?"

"It's ready." He confirmed.

Young Sam slid sideways a bit, trying to sit next to his brother, but young Dean stood up as soon as Sam knelt in front of the bowl in the center of the room.

Dean frowned, watching Young Sam fold into himself slightly. He crossed the room, carefully lowering himself down to sit next to him without disturbing the sand lining the baseboard.

Young Sam looked up at him, eyes wide, trying to mask the slight shaking that had begun. He tried to resist for a moment but finally moved closer so he was leaning fully against Dean, feeling reassured when Dean pulled an arm up and across his shoulders.

Sam gave one last look up at the occupants of the room.

"Let's get this over with." Young Dean said, feeling his pulse start to race. Every second waiting felt like an eternity threatening to drive him to insanity.

"Okay." Sam said. He took a deep breath, lifting the scroll and sounding out the twisting Latin phrases. When he was done, he lifted the candle, flicking his lighter to catch the wick.

The runes surrounding the candle kicked to life, pulsing a fiery gold as the candle flame tripled in size. Sam placed it in the center of the bowl, stepping back to allow it to do its work.

And then just as quickly as it started, the candle extinguished, the runes fading back to simple paint.

No one moved for a second, taking in the room, exactly as it had been before the spell.

The silence was only interrupted by the distant sound of some plaster falling onto the already littered hallway carpeting.

Young Dean let out the breath he was holding. "Well…. That didn't work."