7
Preparations
'…whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same…'
Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
It had snowed that night, and the morning still bore remnants of the white, frothy snow on the cobblestones of the streets. Even now, as Matsuda hurried through the main entrance of the tall building, soft, sporadic, milk-coloured flakes were still falling.
He met his boss at the lift. They entered together.
"Goodness! I should have picked you up today. How come you still don't have your car?"
The man rubbed his furrowed brow with two fingers, visibly stressed. He muttered something under his breath and then shook his head"
"If I'd known how bad the metro would be, I wouldn't have refused your offer."
Matsuda looked at him with pity.
"You're not used to this, chief."
"I'm not your chief," he said absentmindedly, but there was no real conviction in his words. Matsuda smiled.
They walked down the long corridor with metallic walls. The heating was on point that day as well. When they finally reached the door of the investigation room, they were greeted by an animated comment from Ryuuzaki — "Oh, what a coincidence, they're already here" — and by an unexpected bustle at that hour of the morning, especially since it was usually him who was reprimanded by others due to his energetic character.
However, what surprised him most was the arrangement of those present, with Mogi and Aizawa standing, facing a visibly weary Light and an unphased Ryuuzaki who seemed unaffected by their attempts to stop them... and Misa. She was also there, waving her hands in front of the two ex-policemen.
"Misa," said Ryuuzaki suddenly, in a bored gesture, "what's our next move? Tell Light, as he doesn't seem to understand."
"Of course we need to develop the Double L & M Team plan! Double L. So Light is with us," she said cheerfully, happy to contribute, and with a friendly sway, she clung to Light's arm, who noticeably tensed; although Misa didn't seem to notice. "Obviously, isn't it? We need to deal with Yotsuba, of course."
Matsuda blinked, perplexed. It wasn't that he was caught off guard, as Ryuuzaki clearly hadn't agreed to work the way everyone else — including Light — preferred. But still... After a sidelong glance at his chief, who, by the way, looked most resigned, he could only say:
"Misa-Misa is here."
"HELLO, MATSU!" she shouted delightedly. "Sorry, Matsu-Matsu, but we can't leave Light with you all. He's part of our team, and we have things to plan to stop Yotsuba's fake Kira."
"Uh..."
"Misa," Light interrupted then, putting some distance between himself and the model, "this isn't a game."
Before she could say anything —and she clearly was about to, judging by her plaintive look— it was Ryuuzaki who intervened.
"Ah, but Light, Misa knows well that this isn't a game. She is as determined as I am to do whatever it takes to catch Kira." He looked at the ceiling with a vacant smile. "Some things cannot be postponed, as you know."
"That's right! For once, Misa is right instead of you, Light. You know you can trust me," she finished with an almost purring tone.
Matsuda watched her, distracted. Then his gaze refocused on Ryuuzaki. Sometimes he wondered if the detective was mocking all of them. Surely it wasn't normal, the tone in which he spoke and how he managed everything. Where had that guy grown up? As far as he knew, being the world's best detective didn't give you a special licence to be as weird as a green dog.
"Please, Misa," Light was saying calmly while, on the contrary, he looked at Ryuuzaki, who in turn looked anywhere else. Matsuda felt like pulling his hair out. The conversation he had had with his chief flashed through his mind like lightning, and he couldn't help but glance at him sideways. Did he really think they were friends or something similar? He frowned. But Soichiro Yagami was a seasoned and intelligent man; and it was his son they were talking about. Matsuda was aware that he wasn't the most insightful man on the face of the earth, but at that moment, he forced himself to be attentive and silently study the dynamic between those two. Let's see if he could see something that the other man had seen.
Everything was as always. Similar to that surreal date they had all witnessed at headquarters weeks ago. Misa coquettish and affectionate, Light chivalrous but distant, and Ryuuzaki as a third wheel. So, why? Why sometimes did it seem that the model was the one out of place? But of course, Light must be fed up with her insisting on being together , Matsuda reflected, not that he had ever found himself in such a situation. If only a girl as beautiful as Misa would notice him!
Misa was pouting. Light sighed and said something to her softly. Ryuuzaki watched them. Or rather, he watched Light. Very subtly, indeed. Suddenly, Matsuda saw him blink and, in synchrony, he blinked too. Curious, he followed the thread of his gaze. Had something caught his attention?
Perhaps it would have been better not to look. Something rose in his throat: an exclamation that ended in a very inelegant stutter. All heads turned towards him. He thought he heard Aizawa's voice in the distance asking if he was okay.
Okay .
A hickey! There was a hickey on Light's neck, a mark with tiny red dots where the blood... but what the hell? He turned to Misa, who recoiled a bit with a grimace.
"Eh, Matsu... why are you looking at me like that?"
Could it be? Light didn't act as if he and Misa had reconciled, or was Matsuda so out of touch with relationships that he couldn't see it? But no. Impossible. His chief would have mentioned something if that were the case, if he knew about it, that's it, or so he thought. Yesterday he hadn't had any mark, right? He was pretty sure he hadn't. All in all, Matsuda felt his mouth move before he decided what he wanted to say.
"I... didn't know everything was sorted out," he mumbled. Nooooooo! What was he saying? He waved a nervous arm. He blushed. His brain momentarily rebooted, and his tongue got tied. He was aware of the inquisitive looks from everyone; except for Aizawa's, which was more exasperated. "Not that it's not great news, because... it is true, isn't it? I'm not misunderstanding everything? I mean, how else could there be...?"
A hickey overnight, having broken up with Misa and being practically quarantined from the outside world? He had to bite his tongue to avoid finishing the sentence aloud. Light had raised an eyebrow and was studying him with a demoralising coldness.
"What on earth are you talking about, Matsuda?" demanded Soichiro, casting a brief glance at his son. "Light."
The young man blinked and let out a small sigh.
"Believe me, I have no idea, Dad."
"What? But..." Matsuda knew he was a blabbermouth and regretted it every day. "But then how... how could it be... Only Misa-Misa..." He had to stifle an untimely laugh that rose in his throat. That hickey certainly wasn't the work of Ryuzaki or Watari. The mere idea was absurd. He knew he would have the image of Watari in that scenario haunting his nightmares. "Or have you two gone out...?"
He fell silent when a warm fabric, which he identified as wool, was suddenly draped around his neck. The blue colour of it obstructed his view of the rest of the room for an instant, and suddenly Ryuuzaki's face appeared in front of him, a steely veil in his dark eyes. Then he smiled oddly and rubbed his hands exaggeratedly.
"Goodness, it's cold! Matsuda, do me a favour and wrap up. I think these temperatures don't do you any good." Where on earth had he gotten that scarf? Ryuuzaki addressed Watari, who stood like a statue at the back of the headquarters. "Please, escort Misa upstairs. We need to reassess the situation before getting to work, as it seems no one here wants to be efficient and cooperate. Which would be ideal."
"What?! That's not fair! We already decided to work together, the three of us."
Ryuuzaki waved a hand dismissively as the old man, who had approached Misa, cordially escorted her to the exit.
"And we will," Ryuuzaki muttered. "Once we have a brief discussion, Misa. You know your role is irreplaceable in catching Kira, though not everyone here understands that."
Matsuda was aware of two things: Misa-Misa's sulky pout just before she was finally dragged out the door and the furious look Light gave the detective, who quickly strode to his chair and assumed his usual position.
The atmosphere became tense for a few seconds, with no one daring to be the first to break the stillness that had taken over the room. Matsuda, his ears ringing and his thoughts tangled, noticed that everyone's face was quite a sight; even Light's, normally impassive, had a most curious expression; still, he wasn't sure he could understand what was going through the university student's mind.
Ryuuzaki had sent Misa away. Matsuda wasn't stupid, not to that extent. If the man had intervened before he could say anything… it was because he feared that what he might have said would upset the model.
"Well then, chop chop, gentlemen. The Kira case isn't going to solve itself. You want us to continue working together as good colleagues… —there was a certain edge to his voice, or perhaps not, but those words coming from someone with his characteristics already carried an inherent edge—... then do me the favour of letting me work the way I like, will you? And don't give me too many headaches."
Light shifted slightly, transferring his weight from one foot to the other and looked at the ceiling, appearing thoughtful. He had turned his head in such a way that Matsuda could no longer see the tell-tale mark. No one said anything, probably too relieved that Ryuuzaki had abandoned his stubbornness of wanting to work in another room with just Misa and Light.
The silence gave consent, and the eccentric detective started speaking again after briefly biting his thumb.
"As you know, our top priority at the moment is Misa's infiltration into Yotsuba. She will be our main source of information along with our fake Erald Coil, any objections?" he inquired, but barely gave them time to respond. "Splendid."
The next half hour materialised into a back-and-forth of ideas that gradually completed Ryuuzaki's plan to obtain precise and valid information that would allow them both to arrest the current Kira and unravel his homicidal method. Matsuda was listening only half-heartedly, unable to stop thinking about his own discovery . He was quite sure that no one else had noticed —not even Light himself!— except, of course, Ryuuzaki.
"I still don't like it. Misa isn't very bright, and the job you want to assign her is highly risky." Light's voice, unusually quiet during the brainstorming session, brought Matsuda back to reality.
"Light," he heard the boy's father admonish, "it's not right to speak of others like that."
Light looked at his father slightly disconcerted before sighing.
"It's not to belittle her abilities, Dad, but this isn't a game and we can't lose sight of reality. Misa isn't a police officer and has never done anything like this; she's only involved in this because of…" he frowned for a second. "You have to understand that I don't want to bear the responsibility, we can practically say that I'm the reason she's agreeing to this in the first place."
"Yes, he's right about that," said Aizawa.
Light then turned to Ryuuzaki, who seemed surprised by his attention.
"But you're not going to change your mind about this."
"Ah… no, Light, I'm sorry."
They exchanged a most peculiar look. Light was acting strange that morning. Matsuda tilted his head, thoughtful. Strange as in… less confrontational than usual when it came to Ryuuzaki, more subdued —if an adjective like that could be applied to him. "Sometimes I think they want to be but can't help but clash with each other" his chief had said. Now they weren't clashing; it was as if Light was deliberately trying not to create conflict… or at least that's what Matsuda could understand, anyway.
"So, the plan is to tempt Yotsuba into believing that Misa might know L's true identity," he heard his chief say.
"Indeed," replied Ryuuzaki, removing the plastic from a lollipop. "Misa's task is simply to use her natural charm to gain the trust of whoever is Kira, enough for him to reveal his homicidal weapon."
Matsuda shook his head. He was mixing topics. What was clear, given Light's attitude, was that he and Misa-Misa hadn't reconciled.
"Then it couldn't have been Misa."
It took him a few seconds to realise he had said it out loud, and he felt his face heat up when everyone's attention turned back to him. They had been talking about Yotsuba, damn it.
Aizawa frowned.
"Someone's not very focused today."
"What hasn't been Misa, Matsuda?"
Matsuda turned plaintively towards Light, who was looking at him with slightly raised eyebrows. Why did it always have to be him who drew attention in the worst possible way? He felt a cold sweat soaking his back. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring up the fact that Light had a hickey with his father there. But before he could decide on a way out of that mess, apparently, the university student got tired of waiting and turned to the man he was chained to.
"Say it, Ryuuzaki, so we can hopefully move forward with the case," he said in a severe tone.
Ryuuzaki took the lollipop out of his mouth, which turned red from the sweet.
"I cannot pretend to understand Matsuda's musings."
"Ryuuzaki."
"I'm serious, Light. Let it go."
They exchanged a look, Light tilted his head and then seemed to relent, apparently trusting the famous detective's stance. Matsuda was about to sigh in relief, but he didn't have time.
"Oh," with just that sound, he knew Aizawa had seen it too. The man cleared his throat. "Ahem. Alright."
Everything then spiralled out of control. Matsuda would later wonder how something could unravel so quickly. He barely had time to react before his chief had turned his gaze to his son, inspecting him from top to bottom with his eyes and… oops, Chief Yagami tensed up like a broomstick and Light seemed to tense up almost by reflex. Ryuuzaki's apologetic murmur "Oh dear" sounded distant while Matsuda couldn't take his eyes off father and son. My God, he thought, this is going to be a mess. The chief has a very good heart, but he's also traditional in some ways.
"I understand why you silenced Matsuda earlier, Ryuuzaki," said his chief finally, breaking the tense silence and briefly looking away from his son. "The last thing we need is a tantrum from Misa that complicates everything even more. If that's possible at all."
Oh, so his chief had immediately understood that it hadn't been Misa's doing. It was true Matsuda had said it, but it wouldn't be the first time he was wrong with his deductions. He felt his admiration for the other man validated. He turned back to his son, who, although clearly now aware of what everyone knew, showed no signs of being disturbed by it, other than a slight stiffness in his posture. He held his father's gaze with admirable stoicism.
"But if it wasn't Misa, who…?" Aizawa's question hung in the air unfinished.
"Matsuda wasn't so wrong then," his chief spoke with gravity. "Do you go out to bars at night? Is that why you seem sleep-deprived lately?"
"Hardly," Ryuuzaki said indifferently from his chair. "Light is sleep-deprived because he insists on complicating everything."
A dangerous glint crossed Light's honey-coloured eyes, but it disappeared so quickly that Matsuda thought he had imagined it.
"Dad," he interjected, ignoring Ryuuzaki, "I know this is going to sound very cliché, but it's not what it looks like. Of course, I'm not going to deny the obvious. The truth is that last night Ryuuzaki and I went out for some fresh air and, well, I'm not proud of it, but…"
His chief shook his head.
"Don't think I can't understand it, Light, but I didn't expect it from you… And Misa…"
"I don't like Misa, Dad. And I don't think you like her for me either."
"No," he conceded after a moment. "No, it's true. And I know your situation is more complicated than any of ours, but still, I can't say I like it."
Light crossed his arms and smiled sympathetically.
"Dad, I'm an adult."
A deep sigh escaped his chief's mouth, and he seemed to deflate. "I know, I know. The youth see things differently, I suppose."
Matsuda decided to speak up for Light at that moment. He was overcome by a feeling of déjà vu.
"It's true, chief! Light hasn't done anything wrong, he needs to have some fun. He must be having a hard time."
"Very hard, indeed," Ryuuzaki noted nonchalantly, his black eyes fixed on the lollipop dangling from his fingers. "I make it really tough for him." He let out a groan when Light stepped forward and pinched his shoulder. "Don't be aggressive, Light."
"Then control your jokes."
"Hmm."
Perhaps it was due to the conversation they had had in the car, because, after all, he now knew some of the concerns that the other man harboured. But he couldn't help noticing how he watched, with veiled interest, the interaction between his son and the famous detective who had him restrained as a suspect of being Kira. Well, they certainly had a most intriguing dynamic, given the situation.
After a few seconds, his chief massaged his forehead.
"Well, if it was just a one-time thing… I'm not going to pretend I wasn't young once."
Light nodded.
"My priority is the Kira case, and then my studies. There's nothing for you to worry about."
"Alright then."
"But there's something I don't understand," Aizawa suddenly interjected from the sofa. "How…? Ahem, you know. Given Ryuuzaki's way of thinking so far, it seems odd that he would separate from Light to let him have some fun. Wouldn't that be like giving Kira an opportunity? I don't think you're Kira, Light," he quickly clarified, then turned to Ryuuzaki. "But it's a bit strange for you to make this kind of concession."
"I didn't actually separate from him at any point."
The implications of his words rang like a bell in the desolate silence that followed. Matsuda couldn't quite tell who among them was the most dumbfounded. Mogi dropped a pen from his hand. But it was Light who paled and hastened to clarify:
"It was just a couple of kisses. Nothing more."
Well, it was a relief to know that Ryuuzaki hadn't stood by watching while Light had relations with a girl. It was still strange, but only slightly. With a certain curiosity, Matsuda wondered what the girl must have thought upon seeing them chained together.
No more was said on the matter. The rest of the day passed normally.
Or what was normal for the investigation headquarters.
That night, like so many others recently, Soichiro Yagami had come home with his heart heavy with sadness and an uneasy intuition hovering at the edges of his consciousness like a storm. He had taken off his coat and shoes in the small entrance hall and shared a hot, delicious dinner with the two women in his life. Sayu had talked at length, with the lively and animated quality of young girls, about the lesson they had been given that day at school on the Heian period. Soichiro tried to listen, but found it very difficult.
Thoughts about his eldest son crowded his mind like wayward pigeons, one after another. What was it that troubled him so? The fact that Light had never behaved this way before didn't mean it was uncommon, especially with today's youth. Times change , he reminded himself. He could hardly have any complaints about his son. He steeled himself when his wife commented that he could stop frowning now, and although he saw the concern in her kind eyes, he never considered sharing his pain with her. So he apologised after silently drinking his evening tea —"These are difficult days, I'll go to bed now"— and retreated with heavy steps.
It was just a feeling, unfounded and irrational, that something was troubling his son. Something that hadn't been there during the first weeks of his chaining to Ryuuzaki, and therefore couldn't be the Kira case as such.
What a problem, then, that his intuition was rarely wrong.
He put toothpaste on his brush and brushed slowly. Then he turned on the tap to rinse. His dark eyes looked back at him from the mirror's reflection as he straightened up again. There were shadows beneath them.
He just wanted to know that his son was alright. He knew of his psychological strength, his great willpower, his resilience; just as he knew that neither of them were the type to talk things through. Light, except when he was very, very young, had always kept things to himself, never expressing any concerns or difficulties he encountered. And he... Soichiro closed his eyes. He had never made the effort to talk to him, too influenced by the way he himself had been raised.
"A man stands firm, a man does not cry. A man does not speak, does not complain, he endures," were words his father had liked to say. They had served Soichiro well enough, although he had never been so demanding with Light. But now Soichiro just wanted to know that his son was alright. That the daily, exhausting cohabitation with someone like Ryuuzaki, who insensitively accused him of being a murderer, far from his people, his routine, far from a normal life for a boy his age, wasn't taking its toll on him.
He sighed with dejection and a certain relief when his tired, aching back touched the soft mattress.
No, his son wouldn't talk to him. But it wasn't necessary.
His son was strong, his son was alright.
And more importantly, his son wasn't Kira.
At that precise moment in the investigation headquarters, Light was finishing the dinner Watari had prepared for him and Ryuuzaki. He had only caught a glimpse of the old man, and that was fine by him. He didn't feel up to facing the sombre look Watari had been giving him all day. It was subtle, to be sure, but not subtle enough for Light not to notice. It made him uneasy, to say the least. Moreover, he wasn't prepared to face someone who had witnessed, who knew of his weakness for Ryuuzaki.
The walk to the room was silent. The previous night, combined with the entire workday, had given Light enough perspective to sort out the events that occurred before Watari interrupted them. He wouldn't deny that he had felt uncomfortable at first. Being forced to be so close to the other man without having a moment to himself to digest his own voracity was challenging. However, resolute not to succumb to the adolescent turmoil that seemed to take over him whenever the other was near, Light had decided during the day that if this was how it was, if it turned out that what made him vibrate was the brilliant mind of someone as exceptional as Ryuuzaki... he wasn't going to complicate his life by fighting it.
The real question, then, was which would be more complicated: yielding to that desire or not. Right now, it seemed like the latter; in the long term... well, he supposed he would have to keep reassessing the situation.
In the room, they removed the chain and undressed without a word. The truth is, his body hair stood on end at Ryuuzaki's mere presence —or rather, at the expectation of what might happen now that they were alone again— but he forced himself to relax, there was no reason to be nervous. During the day they had also been alone at times, of course, like when one of them had to go to the bathroom. However, Light had been so busy maintaining his cool and trying to clear his mind that such moments had flown by, and they had barely exchanged a few trivial comments that only charged the atmosphere with more electricity.
Light wondered if they would now talk about the elephant in the room.
Once they had put on their nightwear, Ryuuzaki approached to reattach the shackle; the metal surface cold to the touch, and then a fleeting touch brushed the back of his hand. He turned slightly surprised, but Ryuuzaki was already on the bed and not looking at him.
After a brief hesitation, Light sat down too.
Just as he mustered the courage to start a conversation, a new message arrived on his mobile. It was from Takada. He opened it.
"Light, how are things? Professor Mashimoto has added extra material in the lesson on early 20th-century international legislative power. I'll send you a copy of the recommended bibliography and some additional documents he gave us. It would be good if we could meet, you know it's always interesting to spend time with you… I don't know about you, but I'm free next weekend. Let me know. Check out 'The Flower of Love' by Oscar Wilde, I hope to discuss it with you. Good night, Light."
He smirked amusedly. Takada was entertaining, no doubt about that. If only she was half as entertaining as Ryuuzaki... He turned, sensing he was being watched, but the other had already returned his attention to some documents. It was irritating that the other's attitude seemed endearing in any way.
"Ryuuzaki," he called, putting the mobile aside.
"Yes, Light?"
"I think we need to talk."
"About what, Light?"
Light licked his lips and then glanced at him sideways. He still hadn't lifted his gaze from those damn documents. Determined, Light turned his whole body towards him. They hadn't yet turned off the ceiling light, and he could clearly see how the other almost imperceptibly tensed at the movement.
Finally, Ryuuzaki turned to look at him too, and Light took the moment to pull his face towards his and kiss him forcefully. For a moment, he thought the other would reject him. Luckily, he didn't. It would have been a harsh blow to his pride. The taste of chocolate and vanilla from the fondant with ice cream that Ryuuzaki had for dessert made him see stars. Vaguely, as he leaned forward and eagerly savoured every corner of his partner's palate, he wondered if this was how Ryuuzaki would get him to like sweets. It didn't seem like a bad strategy. Then, he gave up thinking.
Ryuuzaki kissed like he ate sweets. With those thin, confident lips and a greed and fervour that threatened to melt Light's entire body into a puddle in no time, he'd probably eat that too. It was a long and deep kiss, but not a quick one, because they both must have wanted the same thing: to savour, recognise, and identify every piece and tiny detail of the other. Every sound, every shiver. Ryuuzaki's mouth slid languidly along his chin, and his tongue poked out when he reached the intersection of the neck. Light sighed and grabbed his face again, swallowing the kisses. The other's hands were on him. He felt them tugging at his pyjama fabric, to one side, to all sides, while Ryuuzaki lightly sucked his tongue.
He had never thought his eccentric detective capable of using his tongue and hands that way.
Light had fire in his veins and a tingling running through each of his limbs, the same that vibrated next to his chest and descended in a wave of delicious heat in his belly and more... He passed an arm behind Ryuuzaki's neck and pulled him closer. He wanted more, more contact, more of everything. He groaned hoarsely and thought he mumbled something unintelligible when he felt a bony, strong hand squeeze his waist with vehemence before sliding down.
Then Ryuuzaki had straddled him. Light's hands pulled him downwards, seeking to relieve some of the tension building between his legs. The other's black pupils met his, and suddenly, it was too much.
Ryuuzaki seemed to understand, as he also remained still, looking down at him while they both tried to steady their breathing. The silence became strange and deafening in the small room. A shiver ran through Light.
"I thought you wanted to talk," Ryuuzaki whispered without moving from his position. His weight was comforting.
I did too , Light was about to reply, but instead he composed himself and said, "Yesterday you said that you and I couldn't have anything casual, nor a relationship. You might be right. Still, how bad would it be to explore this?"
A peculiar smile danced across Ryuuzaki's face.
"Light wants to explore this? And what exactly is this, Light? Sex with another man?"
Light's cheeks warmed. He was going to kill him.
"Don't make me say it," he said, averting his gaze a few centimetres from Ryuuzaki's piercing look.
In part, he had almost welcomed Watari's interruption the previous night. In the state he had been in, it wouldn't have taken him five minutes to kneel between the detective's legs and take him in whole — to hell with composure — just to discover the effect it could have on the other's self-control. But Light knew he hadn't been ready to go that far, not even now, after having sorted his thoughts. And even to himself, he wouldn't deny that he was slightly intimidated by what Ryuuzaki had between his legs. Could he ever desire that? It wasn't something he had ever considered.
Ryuuzaki straightened up, giving him space, and crouched to one side, his expression almost kind. With his fingers, he brushed a lock of hair from Light's forehead, and Light's heart raced like a wild colt at the gesture.
"I admit I'm surprised by your insistence on pursuing this, given that your initial reaction was, to say the least, discouraging."
"That's because I'm Kira and I want to gain your trust," he replied without blinking. Ryuuzaki didn't blink either, and Light eventually sighed audibly. "At least now we know who's more stubborn," he pointed out, half-rising. "Since you want this too."
He saw Ryuuzaki tilt his head in that way of his, as if he were unravelling an impossible puzzle. His ink-coloured eyes —when had they become so fascinating?— scrutinised him carefully.
"You're nervous, Light," he said when the silence stretched too long. "Don't be. I don't bite."
Light snorted and hoped the other didn't really notice the trepidation he felt inside. He had a very real knot and racket in his chest, which deeply annoyed him. Or it did, until he realised . He almost overlooked it, but he saw it. The movement of Ryuuzaki's Adam's apple in that white swan-like stretch of skin, and he remembered he wasn't the only one with nerves on edge. He wasn't the only one affected by their maddening complicity. He had said it himself: "You're scared, terrified that I might be Kira." It was ironic that he only now realised how accurate he had been.
"I was serious when I told you I'm not attracted to men."
"Oh, I know," Ryuuzaki said unflinchingly. "It's not that that throws me off, but the fact that you're attracted to anyone at all. The odds were low."
Of course, he wasn't the only one who knew how to hit the mark. In fact, Ryuuzaki was an expert , and that drove him crazy.
"Don't look at me so closely, Ryuuzaki."
A playful glint crossed those large, intelligent eyes.
"An interesting request," he said, bringing his thumb to his mouth and widening his eyes even more. "In return, how about a confession? Of your crimes, of course."
Light clicked his tongue before fully sitting up in bed and then leaning slightly towards the other. He wasn't going to dignify that with a response.
"So?" he inquired, touching Ryuuzaki's knee lightly. "As I see it, we don't need to give this a name; we aren't normal people, and our circumstances aren't normal either. But we both want it; it's not much different from going to see a film."
Ryuuzaki's eyebrows nearly disappeared behind his tousled fringe.
"You haven't thought enough about how to present your case, have you?"
Light felt a smile tugging at his lips but repressed it.
"It only has the importance you want to give it, didn't you say that?"
"Ah," Ryuuzaki narrowed his eyes at him, looking slightly annoyed. "You're a cheat, Light. I'm getting tired of you throwing my words back at me."
This time he didn't bother to contain the soft laugh. He leaned back again, propped his head on one hand, and winked at the detective.
"The ball's in your court."
He let Ryuuzaki evaluate him with his gaze for long seconds. If he could, there was no doubt that Ryuuzaki would have opened his head to analyse every one of his thoughts and draw a true conclusion about his intentions. That made him feel better. I won't be the only one feeling like I'm taking steps in the dark , he thought with some malice.
"Very well, you win, Light. You're in a good mood; it's hard to deny you anything when you're like this."
Light almost choked. What a cheek .
"Since when, I wonder."
"But," Ryuuzaki added cheerfully, touching his neck with a finger, "I wouldn't want you to interpret this as me trusting you. Nothing could be further from the truth."
"It never crossed my mind. Seriously, who do you take me for?" The finger on his neck scratched lightly, and Light realised what the other was so fixated on. He caught the finger and looked Ryuuzaki in the eye. "But I would appreciate it if you..."
"Don't worry," Ryuuzaki interrupted, picking up the documents he had been reviewing. "No one will know about this; it's nobody's business. And it's not like they have enough imagination to suspect it anyway."
" I didn't actually separate from him at any point. " Ryuuzaki had pushed his luck too far for Light's liking by saying that. He was lucky Light really wasn't Kira; his homicidal instinct had peaked back then.
"It's not that I think this is..."
"Light. You don't have to explain."
Light swallowed a sigh. He didn't feel good adding more fuel to the fire that, in Ryuuzaki's eyes, seemed to suggest some presumed internalised homophobia. But it felt worse that others might find out about him and Ryuuzaki... that his father , his family, might find out. It had already been unfortunate that the entire investigation team had seen the hickey before he had. He certainly hadn't been in his right mind this morning.
Ryuuzaki looked up a few minutes later and gave him a long look. Now what , Light thought.
"What I don't understand, Light, is why you stopped when we were having such a good time just to tell me you want to keep making out with me."
Light gave a half-smile.
"You seem a bit eager."
"I'm glad you're back to your old self. Being embarrassed doesn't suit you," murmured Ryuuzaki. "The truth is, I've gotten a bit hungry."
Light gently took his chin, straightened up to be at his height, and nibbled his lip softly.
"I hope it's the kind of hunger I can help with."
Ryuuzaki, who hadn't closed his eyes, licked his lips.
"Ah, I think so."
Light laughed before giving him a fierce kiss, which he allowed to last only for a limited time. When they separated, he was satisfied to see that Ryuuzaki's breathing had quickened.
"Goodnight, Ryuuzaki," he said, his words holding a contained laugh.
The other seemed alarmed for a second.
"That attitude is childish even for you, Light."
But he merely waved a hand dismissively and lay down on the bed, with one arm under his head.
"Vindictive. And resentful," Ryuuzaki continued.
"You seem a bit upset."
"Not at all," he replied curtly.
That night was the first of many where he managed to sleep soundly; as much as the erratic schedule of this nocturnal bird of prey chained to his arm allowed. Even so, he had the impression that waking up early could take on new horizons if Ryuuzaki always did it as he did the next morning: with kisses as delicate as dandelions and a hand sinuously sliding down his side.
Light thought he let out a satisfied noise, leaning back against Ryuuzaki's body. Then a hellish pleasure enveloped him in a delightful rhythm as the other's hair tickled his neck and his morning breath caressed the pulse of his throat. The knuckles of his hand clenched on the pillow turned white as he spilled between the man's fingers, biting his lip to contain the rough moan that threatened to escape. The sound of morning traffic filtered through the window.
Turning around, it was inevitable to steal a kiss seeing those parted lips and always pale cheeks tinged with the colour of dawn.
He didn't have the chance to return the favour —although he thought he could have— as the other stood up and unshackled himself to wash his hands. Light tried not to dirty anything as he got up. What a mess , he thought, seeing his release sticking to the fabric of his pyjamas.
"Ryuuzaki, how old are you?" he inquired.
The other paused halfway to his usual jeans. He looked at him expressionlessly. And then the rascal turned away and let out a chuckle. That bird's nest he had for hair made it impossible for Light to see his eyes.
"Let's not start so strong, please," said the detective finally, scratching his elbow. "You'll overload my probability calculator that you're Kira. By the way, you should clean that up before going to the others, Light."
Light raised an eyebrow. Ryuuzaki pointed at his chest as if it wasn't clear enough.
Well, small inconveniences of his life now.
Ryuuzaki had laughed.
Something warm reached his core.
Misa's infiltration of Yotsuba was put into action a few days later and was a complete success. Aiber, in the guise of a superb Erald Coil, had gradually dropped hints about Misa Amane that piqued the interest of Yotsuba's shareholders, especially regarding her possible background as the second Kira. Shortly after midday, Misa had already been hired as the company's advertising image, so it was only a matter of time before Kira fell into the trap set by Ryuuzaki and all of them.
It had gone so smoothly that Light could hardly believe it. He watched Ryuuzaki end the call with Mogi —who had accompanied the model as her agent and was now on his way to headquarters with her— and take a bite of his oversized ice cream cone. He pursed his lips and slurped noisily.
Light stood up to make himself a strong coffee.
No one should underestimate his self-control, certainly not these days. He was being tested repeatedly and mercilessly. It was a most remarkable feeling, sitting in broad daylight working with the person he had been sharing saliva and a few other things with over the past few nights. He remembered with incredulous and shocking astonishment how much he had enjoyed finally returning the favour to Ryuuzaki last night, his expressive and vibrant face on the white pillow while Light brought him pleasure with his hand. It was imprinted on his mind. He had swallowed the other's hoarse moan of release with a desperation that, now in hindsight, made him feel a bit embarrassed.
What has become of my composure , he thought plaintively. The first sip of coffee cheered him up a bit. He made one for his father and Matsuda when he saw the looks they were giving his. At least he could maintain his image as a diligent boy. Though he didn't think Ryuuzaki and he were doing a bad job of hiding their new dynamic in front of everyone; sometimes they had to argue just to meet certain expectations, but, hey, it had its thrill, Ryuuzaki hadn't lost his sharp tongue nor he his touch and the teasing afterwards, when they were finally alone in their room, was much more… stimulating, to say the least.
He handed out the coffees.
"Thanks, Light. I'm so tired I can barely stand; last night was a real mess."
He returned to his seat and overheard Matsuda's account of the neighbour on the mezzanine floor who had set a curtain on fire.
"Did anyone get hurt?" he heard his father ask.
No, the Fukuoka family, who lived next door to the old lady, had reacted quickly to the smell of burning and called the fire brigade. It had all been a scare, apparently, and a circus that had kept poor Matsuda awake. Well, considering the man almost got him into trouble a few days ago with the hickey incident, Light thought a little sleepless night was just fair.
He spent the next twenty minutes reviewing reports of criminal deaths in recent weeks. The new Kira continued to dispense a sort of justice, though it was presumably just a cover for his mischief in the business sphere. In the background, his father, Aizawa, and Matsuda's conversation was more lively than usual. That was good. They were making progress; they could have a small moment of relaxation. If only he could stop feeling the prick of his father's gaze on the back of his neck… He crossed one leg over the other and scanned the screen. It was past four. Misa and Mogi should be arriving any minute.
"Which one is this? The sixth?"
"Seventh," Aizawa replied very seriously. "Seven bodies at his hands. I don't even want to think about how their families must be feeling."
The Sculptor. He was becoming quite famous in the nearby prefectures. Light typed quickly and information about the latest case appeared before his eyes.
"This time it's someone with a certain reputation," he said as he skimmed through it. "Akira Touya, 19 years old, a professional Go player, found dead near Odaiba port. Same characteristics as the other victims. Apparently, his family knew nothing about his sexual orientation, a friend went to the police hoping that this information might help the investigation. Well thought out."
"There are more and more stories about the Sculptor… Kira could take care of guys like this… Just kidding, kidding!" Matsuda quickly clarified.
He directed his attention to Ryuuzaki with a hollow feeling in his stomach. He now had a glazed doughnut. He was a little off. How many sweets had he had in the last two hours? He stared at him unblinkingly for several seconds and smiled inwardly when the other looked up, clearly disturbed by the intensity of his gaze. He saw him raise an eyebrow and mimicked the gesture.
He knew it was almost impossible, but if that Sculptor ever dared to touch a single hair on Ryuuzaki's head, Kira would be the least of his worries. The world really was rotten.
It was a relief when Misa and Mogi finally arrived. He preferred his father and the others not to spend too much time thinking about sexual inclinations that varied from the norm, lest it put any strange ideas in their heads about him and Ryuuzaki…
His relief had a short lifespan, cut off the moment the model sat casually on his lap.
"Hey," Light protested, but she just let out a coquettish laugh. Or what she must have thought was coquettish, in any case.
"You're so shy, Light."
Light ignored her. He wouldn't change his expression; he wouldn't allow himself to lose his patience with someone like her, she was beneath him.
Ryuuzaki was staring at them very intently. Misa noticed.
"Why are you looking at us like that, Ryu-Ryu, is something wrong?"
The horror on Ryuuzaki's pale face was one for the books.
"Ryu-Ryu," he murmured with a shiver. Then he blinked. "No, Misa, it's just that you look very beautiful today."
She seemed delighted with the compliment.
"Really? Thank you so much, Ryu-Ryu! And to think I used to dislike you."
"Yes. But please, don't call me that."
"What? Ryu-Ryu? But it sounds so cute! Right, Light?" Still sitting on his lap, she gave him a couple of enthusiastic nudges with her elbows. "Don't you think Ryu-Ryu makes him less intimidating? It brings out his softer side."
Well, sometimes Misa wasn't so bad. If only for seeing that restrained expression in those wonderful black eyes.
"Now that you mention it..." he murmured, enjoying the way Ryuuzaki squinted in their direction ever so slightly. "It does add something interesting."
"Right?! I knew we were connected, Light!"
Aizawa's cough put an end to that particular conversation. The man had almost less tolerance for the model than Light did, which was saying something. When he asked Mogi for a summary of what had happened at Yotsuba, Mogi launched into an explanation, similar to the one he had had with Ryuuzaki over the phone. Light kept one ear on his explanation, but couldn't help glancing at his chained companion. He even tensed the chain slightly trying to catch his attention, but the other remained focused on Mogi.
Light frowned. Could he have been upset? He wasn't the type to get upset over these kinds of jokes, and he didn't think he could feel jealous... certainly not because of Misa. Although wasn't he the first one who had disliked the idea of the other liking the girl? Even if he hadn't been aware back then that maybe that discomfort was the cousin of jealousy…
"...and I don't think anyone suspected anything. Aiber can continue his role. His credibility might even have increased with this," Mogi concluded with a nod in Ryuuzaki's direction.
"I see. One less thing then."
"But it's great, Ryuuzaki!" Matsuda burst out. "Very good job, Misa-Misa."
The girl fell against him with a sigh.
"Yes, it hasn't even been an hour and three of them have already sent me messages to meet alone," she said, showing Light her phone screen. It was true, they had contacted her, and one of the three was Kyosuke Higuchi. "They're so gross, they're twice my age!" she sighed. "But oh well, I just have to meet with them and then I'll find out which one is Kira!"
Light tensed and finally made her get off his lap.
"Meeting alone with men like that is dangerous, Misa. And not just because one of them is Kira," he said very seriously; the girl couldn't be that careless. "You should know that."
"Oh, don't worry, Light, not that I don't like you worrying about me, but I know what I'm doing," she tilted her hip and yawned. "But I'm so tired now, I think I'll go rest for a bit."
Light watched her walk away with a strange ringing in his ears. There was something different about Misa; it bothered him not being able to discern exactly what. Ryuuzaki must have noticed it too. When he risked a glance in his direction, sure enough, he was watching her very still, nibbling on his thumb.
The sound of high heels made him turn his gaze to the door, where Misa was leaning and watching him through half-closed eyelids, her long lashes as black as sin.
When she spoke, her voice was more akin to a cat's purr.
"Light… why don't you come to bed with me?"
Light inhaled sharply. The silence in the room became deafening.
"But what are you saying, Misa?" he had to bite his tongue to keep from saying: Are you completely stupid? He didn't need to look to sense the others' discomfort. "Come on," he said after a few seconds. "Go take a nap, you need to rest."
He wouldn't have been surprised if the model had pouted, but she just smiled, said "whatever you want, Light," and left. The ringing in his ears increased. His eyes met Ryuuzaki's, they were cold and inscrutable as the ocean.
"Son, you should talk to Misa again, she's still getting her hopes up about you."
"It's not Light's fault," Aizawa said. "He made it clear to her last time. I can't think of what else he could say to make her accept it."
Somewhat reluctantly, Light shifted his attention from Ryuuzaki to the others.
"I'll try again," he said.
He saw his father nod and run a hand over his tired face. He wondered what was going through his mind —normally he could easily decipher his father, but not now— and he felt slightly paranoid about it.
"Come on, Light, don't hold back. Take advantage," when he turned, Ryuuzaki tilted his head towards the door Misa had gone through.
"I'm not holding back."
"Hmm, whatever you say. I'm sure you'd have a good time."
In hindsight, there were dozens of ways to respond to that insidious remark from the detective, but he was glad not to take the bait. It was never smart to do so when he wasn't one hundred per cent sure of the cards in Ryuuzaki's hand.
He hadn't noticed when Watari had left the main room, so focused was he on his father, Misa's behaviour, and Ryuuzaki. He did, however, notice when he returned.
Partly because the old man approached Ryuuzaki's hunched form with more determination than when he usually brought him sweets.
Ryuuzaki paused for a moment before looking up.
"Is it time?"
Watari gave a measured bow in affirmation and, as he straightened, his eyes met Light's, who recoiled slightly at the disconcerting intensity in that deceptively peaceful gaze. The old man simply inclined his head towards him before leaving. Light was stunned by how such a simple gesture could convey so much coldness.
Well, it was to be expected that L's protector would not look kindly on whatever it was they had going on. Whatever it was.
"Time for what?" he inquired quietly towards Ryuuzaki's profile, who only spared him a brief glance before standing up and addressing everyone present.
"I know this might be a bit sudden, but yes, Light, there is an urgent matter I must attend to, before it's too late," the last part he said only to him, and Light frowned, confused. He didn't like how Ryuuzaki made that sound. "I'm sorry for not telling you all, but I couldn't risk giving Light any advance warning about my departure. We'll be back soon, as soon as possible, without a doubt."
There was a murmur among the others. Light couldn't believe it. Ryuuzaki couldn't be saying he would leave him unsupervised. Despite knowing something was up, something akin to hope tickled his chest, near his sternum.
It was Aizawa who voiced everyone's thoughts.
"Let me get this straight. You're going to leave Light alone? After all your harangues about...?"
"Oh, no," he shrugged and turned towards his father. "I was hoping Mr Yagami could stay chained to him during my absence. It won't be long, really." He shook his head and then scratched his side. "Anyway, there are surveillance cameras all over the building, the information is transmitted in real time to Watari's personal laptop and mine."
He told himself that the feeling in his gut, like a funnel sucking from below, wasn't disappointment. Of course Ryuuzaki didn't trust him enough to leave him alone for even a few hours, the very idea was ridiculous.
His father seemed just as surprised as everyone else, but he nodded slowly and simply said:
"I just need to notify my family. But it won't be a problem."
Ryuuzaki nodded in turn.
"Good, then…"
He was avoiding his gaze. On impulse, he reached out a hand. Ryuuzaki started when his hand closed around the fabric of his white jumper.
"Ryuuzaki, I'd like to talk to you for a moment."
His father's gaze burned into one side of his face. No one said anything. He feared the other would refuse, would say something typically him like, "I'm in a bit of a hurry, Light. We can talk when I return," and leave, just like that. To where Light couldn't follow, to where shadows undoubtedly awaited him as dark as those he had glimpsed in his face when Watari had brought him that old coin, more than a week ago now.
It had to be that.
Ryuuzaki didn't refuse. He looked at him for a moment and nodded. Under the watchful and hesitant gazes of the rest of the headquarters, they left the room. As soon as they entered one of the rooms opposite, his mouth was on Ryuuzaki's, who welcomed him eagerly, though not without some reluctance.
After a moment, Light pulled back, giving him space, and looked at him closely. Ryuuzaki was rubbing his upper lip with his lower one.
"I told you not to hold back, Light," he spoke suddenly in a very neutral tone. "With Misa. Since I was going to leave you alone tonight and you're getting spoiled."
Light cupped his face with one hand —that damned idiot— stroking his cheek with his thumb. He didn't know who was more surprised, Ryuuzaki or himself. Probably both, because Ryuuzaki fell silent and stood as still as a statue.
Light mentally rehearsed the words he wanted to say before speaking.
"Don't take too long to come back," he finally said pathetically, unable to mention the coin. "We have a case to solve. And it's going to be a bit awkward sleeping with my father as if I were five years old, for both him and me."
Ryuuzaki gave him a wry smile which Light kissed chastely. Something softened in his black eyes, but it hardened again almost immediately.
"I'm not joking when I say that for a moment I considered asking you to go with Misa."
That threw him off. But only for the length of a sigh. Right. Ryuuzaki had noticed it too.
Something had been wrong with Misa earlier.
"Not a very smart move if your suspicions were correct," Light pointed out, retreating a few inches, still feeling the warmth from Ryuuzaki's body. "Leaving me alone with the presumed second Kira."
"Yes. That's why you're staying with your father."
"Hmm, is that the only reason?" Light raised an eyebrow when Ryuuzaki looked at him without blinking. "Not even a little bit of jealousy?"
"We should go back. I have to leave and they're going to start wondering what we're talking about for so long. Besides, Watari is probably watching us through one of the cameras," he brushed Light's fringe off his face with a gesture that was both careless and tender, Light let him do it. "I've seen how he looks at you. I wouldn't want to find your corpse before solving the case."
"Well, we'll leave that for later. My corpse, I mean," he kissed the hand that had brushed his fringe aside, and Ryuuzaki let it fall inertly to his side.
"Light…"
"No, just one thing, Ryuuzaki."
"Tell me."
Light looked him intensely in the eyes, trying to convey something. Something. Something for which even he couldn't find the words. Then he smiled with a knot of sadness in his throat.
"I hope one day you can share it with me."
And he touched his chest where the medallion hung, hidden like a ghost behind the white fabric. Ryuuzaki said nothing.
Crazy , he thought. He must be crazy. Completely and dishearteningly crazy. That's what the detective was doing to him. Driving him crazy. And not in the romantic, hyperbolic sense, no, literally insane. That's how he felt. There was no other explanation for the tenderness that welled up inside him, tenderness he hadn't even known he possessed. Something in his mind had broken, and now he was crazy.
Because of Ryuuzaki, like everything else in his life.
Already in his pyjamas, he remained in that tragic frame of mind as he waited for his father to finish showering, thankful that no one had invented a way to broadcast thoughts over the radio. Speaking of tragedies.
The others had retired to their respective homes a couple of hours ago, and he and his father had eaten the dinner Watari had so diligently left for them in the kitchen. Good man. Charming. He had no doubt Watari had also installed new hidden cameras around the room.
His father finished his shower, and once he was dressed, the two of them headed to the bed Light shared with Ryuuzaki. Where they had already fooled around a few times. Watari had changed the sheets. Even so, he saw his father scanning the room curiously, presumably looking for anything that might give him a new perspective on his son. Light recognised that look. He forced himself to relax. Maybe he was being a bit hysterical, paranoid.
He sat on his side of the bed and tensed imperceptibly when his father's deep voice broke the uncomfortable silence.
"I hadn't imagined it would be so… normal." He lifted his thick wrist with the handcuff. "Though this must be a bit uncomfortable every day."
"You get used to it. I told you, Dad, I'm fine. Besides it not being an ideal situation…" he glanced sideways at his father: his brow was deeply furrowed. "Ryuuzaki is tolerable, once you get the hang of him."
The look his father gave him was unclear to Light. He stifled a sigh. What a time to leave, Ryuuzaki , he resented, if my father's concern were a beacon, I'd be blind by now. He was in for a long night.
Curious that, even so, looking out of the small rectangular window, beyond the tarry smoke of the factories curling into the shadows of the evening clouds, the ball of unease spreading in his gut was mainly for Ryuuzaki's sake.
"Have you set up the cameras?"
He asked the question quietly, unsure himself if he truly wanted to break the stillness in the private jet. The engine was a faint murmur in the night sky, like a cat's purr.
What was clear was that Quillsh didn't seem inclined to break it. It took him a moment to answer, and his voice didn't betray his thoughts.
"Of course, Ryuuzaki. Everything is arranged as you requested."
"When we are alone and safe, please call me by my name."
There was a pause.
"Very well, Elle." His elderly protector, the closest thing to a father someone like him could ever have, didn't take his eyes off the controls and the front window. They were flying above the clouds. "May I ask why you've done this? Don't you trust the father?"
"It's the son I don't trust."
There was no point in denying it. Once again, silence fell. Elle drew his legs closer to his body, feeling like a child. It was strange. They had left hours ago, but he could still feel the ghostly touch of Light's hand cupping his cheek with infinite tenderness.
It had stunned him. It had overwhelmed him. And it had caused a warm, pleasant bubbling sensation in his stomach.
"I'll deactivate the cameras as soon as we return to Japan," Quillsh noted after a few minutes.
Elle looked out the side window. Quillsh knew how to reprimand without losing the solicitous and kind quality of his voice.
"You don't have to remove them," he said, though it wasn't true, and the old man was as aware of that as Elle himself.
That's why he sighed. A small sigh, but unmistakable in the solitude of the private jet.
"Elle. It's not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. However, remember who you are."
I am L and he is Kira. Or he was. Perhaps he will be again. I have no doubt.
"I haven't forgotten, Quillsh."
"You are human, which means you have the capacity to make mistakes. But if your deductions about Kira's identity turn out to be wrong, this would be the second mistake in your entire career. Be careful."
When he looked away from the darkness beyond the co-pilot's window, he saw that the skin around his protector's eyes had wrinkled with worry, and it saddened him to be the cause of it.
"I am aware."
He remembered his first mistake perfectly, shortly after acquiring the moniker of L. The closer he got to capturing this Kira, the more his unease grew. Something was wrong, but not just with Misa. Something had been wrong since he had locked Light in that cell.
For the rest of the flight, he thought about Light, Kira, Beyond, and also Sophie. Most of all, he regretted not being able to see her alive one more time. Even just once more.
With one hand, he clutched the medallion the girl had left him after her death.
He had told himself he wouldn't invade Light's privacy, that he wouldn't speak to him, given that the chances of such a conversation being productive were, to say the least, laughable.
But he hadn't anticipated an opportunity like this. A chance fallen from heaven, as Christians might say.
He waited until they were both settled in bed, backs against the headboard. It was strange being like this with his grown-up son. A memory came to him of a little Light, no more than five years old, climbing into his parents' bed with a glass of warm milk, singing "Milk and honey, milk and honey, milk and honey for a good night's sleep!"
A smile formed on his face before he realised.
How much things had changed. He cleared his throat.
"It seems things are improving."
Light looked up from the book he had been reading.
"Improving?"
Soichiro met his evident curiosity with a tentative smile and made a gesture with his hand.
"As much as you tell me it's just a matter of getting the hang of it…" he began. "These past few weeks, you've seemed more tense than usual. I want… I want you to know that you can talk to me. If that's what you need. I know that I never…" he trailed off. Light was looking at him as though he had grown two extra heads, but there was something more, underneath, that he couldn't quite identify. "You don't have to bear this alone, it's a situation that could overwhelm anyone."
No. Light was looking at him as if he had grown two extra heads, blue with horns.
"Dad, it's not that I don't appreciate it. But the ones who really need you right now are Sayu and Mum," he replied after a moment.
Yes. That was always the answer. For the first time, Soichiro wondered how much truth there was in those words and how much was merely a technique of evasion. He mentally scolded himself for such a thought.
"If I've been too strict with you, it's only because…"
Light seemed to tense up. He put the book aside and turned fully towards him. The cyan light from the lamp only cleared some of the shadows from his face.
"If this is about going out one night…"
"Not at all, Light. Not at all." He rubbed his brow with two fingers, trying to ease the tension forming there.
"So?"
"So" he sighed. "Can I say I'm worried about my son? I've seen you more tense than usual with Ryuuzaki. These past few days less so, but still… If there's something that… Above all, you're my son."
Light looked surprised. This time, he took a few seconds to respond, and when he did, his voice had acquired an unexpected softness.
"I understand that you're worried. But Ryuuzaki and I…" he hesitated, then seemed to come to a conclusion, because his expression became serious. "I consider him a friend. A very dear friend."
Soichiro scrutinised those almond-shaped eyes, so similar to Sachiko's. He hadn't cut his hair since being chained to the detective, and some of the ends now brushed the base of his neck.
"Yes, that's what I feared," he admitted. "But he doesn't seem to be changing his opinion about you, son. Such a friendship… I'm not sure it's good for you. For anyone. The accusations against you are no trivial matter."
"We're not normal people," Light scoffed or something like that. "I know what it may look like at first glance, but believe me when I say I know what I'm doing. I'm not an idiot. I understand the situation, I know he thinks I'm Kira, and that will only change when we catch the real culprit. And it's something I intend to do."
He had already noticed that Light would rather not have this conversation at all. Even so, he responded with calm and patience, as he always had. It was complicated, having a son, no matter how perfect he was. Light had never given him any trouble, and yet, sometimes he felt it was impossible to connect with him.
Soichiro shook his head.
"I find it hard to understand that he still suspects you. I understand he doesn't want to risk making any mistakes and I'm the first to support him in that, but... do you really think what you said? That he fears you are Kira?"
He saw his son turn his head to look out of the window, and it seemed he swallowed. But when Soichiro could see his face again, his expression was soft and simple.
"Dad," his son squeezed his shoulder and looked at him with the most sincere eyes in the world, "seriously, everything's fine. And yes, of course Ryuuzaki is afraid of his own accusations; you know I'm not Kira, but he's battling with his own mind. And he also… he also considers me a friend."
Taddousac was a tiny village nestled among the mountains of Canada, perched on a plateau that sloped down sharply to the stretch of saltwater, its surface barely starting to lighten with the dirty grey of a dawn that was still some way off. Fishing boats were setting out from the coast, alongside the picturesque pier, and brightly coloured single-family houses were scattered here and there among the trees.
In summer, it was likely the kind of village where meadows would be bathed in light and green, and wildflowers would dot the rolling slopes while children ran about with infectious laughter and tumbled in the grass. It was the sort of place Sophie would have chosen to live, the place she had chosen, before death had claimed her.
Elle stood before the small, modest gravestone. One more in that frayed line among the churned earth of the old cemetery; the simple chapel, a few metres further on, concentrated the only meagre decoration of the desolate graveyard. Quillsh had remained somewhat apart, by the rusty entrance gate.
The funeral had taken place days ago. He did not regret not having been here for the ceremony. The only thing that mattered was being able to visit her one last time before it was too late. Before he, too, occupied one of those useless boxes beneath the earth, and his successors became the only barrier between Kira and his authoritarian regime over the whole world.
He squatted down and, as he looked closely at the grey stone with his friend's name engraved on it, it pricked him deeply in the chest, in the throat, and then also in the eyes. His cheeks were damp. He was glad for the gentle drizzle.
"You used to say that the realm of the dead is connected to that of dreams, that they are siblings," he began after a few minutes of uncertainty, his own voice sounding hollow in the solitude of the cemetery and the mountains. "I dreamt of you recently. I hope you're saving one of those clover leaves you liked so much; I might be joining you soon. Have you met Beyond and Alex? I hope they're still fighting on the other side, whatever that is." The last part was said so softly it could have been a sigh from the wind and the rain. He touched the coin that had belonged to Sophie, now hanging from his neck alongside his own. "I don't like people made of fairy dust or nectar of the gods, Sophie. I don't want to share a melody with anyone. I'd prefer not to meet anyone like that, I'd prefer..." He felt something press on his shoulder but did not raise his head; instead, he huddled further between his shoulders. "You said the crows would spy on me and tell you; you should be laughing right now."
He didn't say: that person will be responsible for my death. He didn't say it and wasn't sure if he would have wanted her to know.
The hand was firm on his shoulder. He stood up and looked at the old man with a blank expression. Quillsh released his shoulder, but Elle wouldn't have minded keeping the contact a little longer, just a little, as the rain seeped into the makeshift coat he had put on.
Perhaps some of Light was rubbing off on him after all; the Japanese boy was touchy, just selective about it.
Quillsh nodded as if asking a question, and they both left like evening shadows disappearing with the arrival of the morning. It was only under the shelter of the private jet, flying back to the land of the rising sun, that Elle recalled the fragment of conversation between Light and his father that he had seen on his laptop a few hours earlier. That he considered him a friend, very dear, and that the feeling was mutual.
He had sat in the rear cabin, wanting to be alone. Today, in general, had not been a good day, for several reasons. At that moment, he tilted his head back and closed his eyes. The death of Sophie hurt him, almost as much as feeling small, adrift and vulnerable. Light seemed to have a clear understanding of what Elle felt for him, at least to a certain extent.
What a pity I can't understand you as well; am I just another pawn?
He opened his eyes.
If only I could piece it all together… If only I could see the tapestry woven by Kira more clearly…
