Jay was awoken at midnight by a dream. It was not necessarily an Afghanistan nightmare as usual. This time, he dreamed of his parents, Erin, Mouse, Al, and eventually Will and Hailey leaving him on his own. He gasped when he woke up and felt tears were streaming down his eyes. He never had that kind of dream before. He wanted to go check on Hailey, made sure she was still in there, but thought better than to go into his female partner's bedroom in the middle of the night. Not only that it's inappropriate, but also she would wrestle him to the ground, even with an injured shoulder. Not to mention that she needed to sleep because she had painkiller. He pulled out his phone and called Will.
"Hey. What is it?" Will answered, sleepy, but concerned.
"No, sorry I called," said Jay, suddenly embarrassed. However, he was relieved to hear Will's voice on the other end.
"Jay, what is it? Is something happened?" Will was rightfully worried. Jay took their dad's death harder than him, especially because they didn't end on good term. Those last words were going to haunt Jay for a long time. Will was a bit relieved when he learned that Jay had been opening up to Hailey, knowing that he had someone to lean on, but still…
"Yeah… no. Just, had a dream. You were in it so I thought…" Jay trailed off. He just needed to hear his brother's voice, to ground him, to assure him that despite being in his dream, Will was alive and well and still very much in his life.
"You need me to come over?" asked Will, his voice softened.
"No! No, I'm good. Sorry I called this late… Go back to sleep, will you? Talk to you later," said Jay.
"Alright. You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I am," Jay assured Will, then hung up the call. He kicked himself when he heard Hailey's bedroom door opened, she peeked from the door with a weapon drawn.
"Jay? Is everything okay?" she asked, concerned.
"Yeah," answered Jay, trying to make himself sound as believable as possible. He was somehow relieved to see her, to know that she had not left or died. Hailey turned on the living room light and saw Jay's bloodshot eyes. She went back to her room to put her weapon. Jay was grateful for the fact that he didn't check on her earlier. He would get shot in the head otherwise.
"Nightmare?" Hailey sat beside him.
"Not necessarily."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Not necessarily a nightmare… This one was different," Jay contemplated how much should he tell her. He was not used to talk about these things. He liked to believe that between Hailey and himself, he was the tougher one. He protected her, not the other way around. He hated to be the kind of partner whom she takes care of. Not to mention the amount of tears he shed in front of her in the past few days. Sure, he was grieving, but that doesn't make it easier to admit that he needed her more than she needed him.
"It's okay, you don't have to tell me," Hailey walked to the kitchen, squeezing his shoulder when she passed him. She made a cup of tea and offered it to Jay.
"Who did you talk to?" Hailey asked.
"Will." Jay avoided looking at Hailey.
"Everything okay with him?"
"Yeah… I was the one who called him," said Jay. They stayed in silence. "Sorry I woke you up."
"You didn't. The painkiller wore off; I was supposed to take it again at 12. But I heard you talking so I was concerned," Hailey explained. She was confused, and scared, when she heard voices. Being in Robbery/Homicide for a while did come with a side effect: she had developed paranoia about breaking and entering.
"Usually my nightmares were about the war. About the women and children murdered," Jay started, visibly shivered. "The one you witnessed yesterday… I was used to that. While I woke up in that state—panicked and ready to throw people against the wall—the dream was always the same scene that happened on my last tour. The one that made me left. Doesn't make it any easier though, it broke me each time." Jay swallowed a lump in his throat. He didn't want to talk about this, but he needed to. Not only that he owed her that much for helping him through all this, but deep down he also knew that opening up would keep him from going down that rabbit hole again. He had made a huge progress with the therapist last year, he didn't want to undo everything and be back in square zero.
"The dream was about people I know. My mom, dad, Erin, Mouse, Al left me. In my dream, Will also left. I was on my own. I needed to call him, to make sure he was still here," Jay said slowly, his voice was barely above whisper.
"He wouldn't leave you, he's your brother."
"Yeah, but…" Jay trailed off. "He left the first time. And Mouse, we vowed to stay out of the war, to get better. But he got back there. And Erin… yeah, you know," Jay whispered. "So I have to know for sure that Will doesn't leave."
Hailey's heart broke for Jay the moment Jay voiced his doubt. She was on good terms with her brothers and parents, she couldn't imagine doubting her family. She knew from fleeting conversations and casual mentions that Will just got back to Chicago a few years ago. He wasn't present for Jay when he needed help adjusting back to civilian life, neither when his mom was dying. From meeting Will a couple times both on duty and in Molly's, she didn't see someone who would abandon his brother. In the past, he might be irresponsible, but now, he's not, especially after he dated Natalie. He was very protective of Jay, despite them disagreeing from time to time. She absentmindedly rubbed Jay's shoulder. Jay finished the tea.
"You were there, too," said Jay after pondering for a while. Hailey looked at him in surprise. "In my dream. And you left. Just like the others."
"That's only a dream. I'm here."
"I know."
"It's okay. Drill into your mind that Will wouldn't leave. Neither will I," said Hailey. Jay nodded. Hailey had a feeling that Jay didn't tell her everything. He was holding back something that upset him, but she refrained from asking. He would tell her if he wanted her to know.
"Have you had the painkiller?" asked Jay.
"Yeah. Wouldn't be this calm without it."
"So it did hurt, and you didn't wanna go to Med," Jay mocked.
"A bit, yeah, Mr. Always Right," Hailey slapped him lightly on the shoulder.
"Try to go back to sleep," Hailey ordered while pulling Jay to lie across the couch. His head was almost touching her thigh as sat there, not leaving him. She put her hand lightly on his shoulder. Jay grabbed her hand and squeezed it.
"Thanks," he said sincerely, for the umpteenth time in the past few days. He was grateful that Hailey made a point not to leave him before he was asleep. Concentrating on Hailey's firm hand on his shoulder, he let sleep consumed him.
Jay woke up early the next day. He was pleasantly surprised to realise that he didn't get another nightmare. Smelling coffee, he looked around. He didn't see Hailey, but she had started the coffee and cleaned up the beer bottles. Usually when he slept without nightmare, he was a light sleeper. Either Hailey must be really quiet or he slept really well to sleep peacefully with her moving around.
"Yes, Dad. I will see you next week. Tell Angie Aunt Hailey said hi. Love you," he heard Hailey spoke from the slightly opened bedroom. Hailey stopped on the doorframe when she realised Jay was looking at her.
"Sorry, I thought you were asleep." She felt guilty for calling her dad, while Jay just lost his. However, their conversation last night made her needed to call her family. Hailey poured coffee to two mugs and passed one to Jay. They sat on the kitchen stool.
"Don't be. Aunt Hailey? How come I didn't know you have a niece?"
"I have three," Hailey scrolled through her phone and showed picture of three little girls. "Amber, Jamie, and Angie, she's three. Angie is staying with my parents this week, hence I said hi."
"So Aunt Hailey spoiled them, huh?" Jay teased her. He felt grateful for the kick of caffeine. He had to admit that he was feeling a bit of a hangover; he felt tired.
"Of course. My brothers banned me because I always come with gift for them," said Hailey. "So much for a self-proclaimed light sleeper… I almost checked your pulse… you slept like a rock while I made noises cleaning."
"Yeah, finally I could sleep normally after all the nightmares." Jay sighed.
"That's good." Hailey took bagels from her fridge. "Want one?"
"I'll pass, thank you," said Jay. He didn't want to admit to Hailey that he still felt the alcohol from last night.
"At least have some toast. You have to eat something," Hailey insisted. She toasted a piece of bread and gave it to Jay, smirking. She felt bad for him; she knows how it feels to have hangover on workdays; but she cannot help but tease him for drinking too much.
"How's the shoulder?" Jay asked.
"Better than yesterday," said Hailey. The bruises on her face and neck were very visible, though. Part of her cheek was purplish, and the offender's hand print is imprinted on Hailey's neck. Jay shuddered when he thought about her being pinned down, unconscious on the ground. He moved her hair to get a better look at her bruise. She inched back on reflex. He pulled his hand back, muttering "sorry".
"Sorry I wasn't there, I would've protected you," Jay said. It had been on the back of his head since he saw her in the church. His first thought was to blame whoever it is that replaced him as her partner. He pulled out his phone to find someone to blame only to find a text from Antonio, explaining what had happened and asking him to bring her to Med.
"It's okay. Definitely not my worst injury," Hailey unconsciously touched her cheek.
"Does it still hurt?" Jay asked referring to the bruises.
"A little bit," Hailey smiled. Her alarm went off.
"Drop me home to change and grab my car, would you?"
"Let me get ready," Hailey finished her bagels and went to her room. When she was ready, they went to the office. Hailey dropped Jay at his apartment.
"I'll see you at the office," said Hailey.
"Thank you again, Hailey. This should've been a relaxing week for you, not a I-have-to-deal-with-my-partner week."
"Really, Jay? One: you were always a handful, I've been through worse. Two: do we ever have a relaxing week?" Hailey laughed, rolled her eyes, and started driving.
"Upton," called Voight as soon as Hailey climbed the stairs. Hailey went to his office, where Voight signalled for her to close the door. As far as she remembered, she didn't do anything wrong.
"How's the shoulder?" asked the sergeant.
"It's fine. Went to Med last night, saw Dr. Sexton. I was on painkiller until last night, but I should be clear now," answered Hailey.
"I need to warn you about the worst possibility. If the IAD aren't happy with how we handled the Mendoza case, and I need to answer about Halstead's involvement in the chase, you will be questioned. You answer honestly. He gave you his key and two-way, and that's it. You know nothing about what happened until you saw him on the ground. Am I clear?"
"Copy that," Hailey nodded.
"Now I need to ask you. You still want to partner with him?"
"Sorry?"
"What I'm saying is I won't blame you if you want to work with someone else in this team for a while. He did lash at you pretty hard and personal. Something I don't accept happening in my team," said Voight.
"I… yeah. We're good," Hailey didn't want to go into details. Voight was surprised at how quickly Hailey defended Jay. He saw himself how hurt Hailey was after Jay insulted her in front of everyone. And Jay did admit to insult her further later. Jay did ask, no, more like beg, him to reconsider separating them. He needed to hear the refusal from both parties, though.
"He just needed a punching bag then. And I was there. He apologised already. We have talked about it. And I've forgiven him. We don't need a time out, Sarge," said Hailey.
"Alright, if you say so," Voight stood. "You're on desk duty today unless absolutely necessary."
When Hailey went to her desk she thought about it. She got a good idea about what Jay didn't tell her last night.
I finally decided that last chapter wasn't the last because we don't have any moments between them in 6x18. However, in 6x19, it looked like we will have them working together (as shown in promo). As for the direction this story is going... I still cannot picture them getting romantic without the show leading by example (which is no problem for me, I really like female-male platonic friendship). So, for now they're friends, with a deeper level of friendship than before. I also have been enjoying and getting inspired by many other fanfics and am not ashamed to admit that I checked in multiple times a day to see if there's any new uploads!
