Hailey woke up in her bed, panting. She saw the dead boy she saw earlier today, decaying but alive. In her dream, he cried because he wasn't able to go home. She sat on her bed, tears streaming down her face as she cried uncontrollably for all the boys that didn't make it home. She controlled her breathing and went to the kitchen to grab a drink. As she waited for the water to boil, she sat on the kitchen stool, relieving her dream again. Next thing she realised, Jay set a mug of tea in front of her and sat beside her. She looked at him. His hair was unruly and he looked sleepy, but concerned. Upon seeing her wet and bloodshot eyes, he closed the gap between them, silently pulling her into his embrace. She burst into tears and buried her face in his shirt.
"It's okay, Hailey. I'm here," whispered Jay, his hand rubbing her back, the other hand holding her protectively. After Hailey retreated to her room earlier, he spent some time laying wide awake, trying to chase away the face of the boys that he saw every time he closed his eyes. He fell asleep to the TV on, playing a rerun of Blackhawks game. He woke up to Hailey's scream and muffled sobs, and while he wanted nothing more than to go to her room and check on her, he remembered her warning about boundaries. As hard as it was to do nothing, that was what he did. He waited. After a while, he heard her door open and she walked to the kitchen. When it was clear that she did not hear him moving around, he poured the water she brew into a mug to make tea.
"Sorry," sighed Hailey, her voice was hoarse. Jay released her, still keeping one hand on her back, absentmindedly stroking her back.
"It's okay," said Jay. "Nightmare?" Jay pulled Hailey up and guided her to sit on the couch, bringing the mug with him.
"Yeah. I saw him… the kid in the swamp," said Hailey, shuddering. She took the mug and sipped the tea.
"I think it's normal for a case to affect you," Jay tried to comfort Hailey.
"Yeah, I know. Still, it doesn't make it easier," said Hailey. Jay instinctively pulled her close, trying to calm her down while taking comfort in her presence at the same time.
"How can I help?" asked Jay.
"I don't know. I don't usually have anyone with me," said Hailey sheepishly. "What time is it?"
"It's… a bit past four, I think," Hailey clasped the mug with her hands and sipped the tea as she calmed down.
"Sorry I woke you up," said Hailey. "Did you have trouble sleeping? Or nightmare?"
"I slept to Blackhawks rerun… saw the kids' faces every time I closed my eyes though," said Jay. "You're ready to go back to sleep?" Hailey shook her head no.
"You nodded off during The Bachelorette. You wanna watch the rerun?" offered Jay. Judging from Hailey's tired and sleepy eyes, it wouldn't take long for her to fall asleep.
"Yeah. You know who got eliminated?" asked Hailey. Jay motioned to the TV. He started the rerun in the middle—he was still amused that Hailey was an avid fan so that she recorded The Bachelorette's episodes. Hailey folded her legs and leaned on the pillow. Jay spread the blanket over Hailey as they watched the drama unfolded—Jay for the second time. When Jay glanced at Hailey ten minutes later, at the beginning of the rose ceremony, Hailey was already asleep.
"Huh, again?" Jay muttered, and then carried Hailey to her bedroom. He laid her on her bed and tiptoed outside, continued watching the rose ceremony until he fell asleep.
"I can't believe I missed the rose ceremony twice!" Hailey complained as she poured herself coffee. They were already late, so they just had coffee and forgo the breakfast. Earlier Jay had been awake for some time when Hailey woke up, grumbling when she realised that she missed the rose ceremony twice. He just snickered and pointed to the coffee he started earlier. He didn't have the heart to wake her up even if they were already running late, considering the night she had.
"I'll tell you which one got eliminated," said Jay, scrolling through his phone to find poster of the contestants.
"No! Don't spoil it to me!" yelled Hailey. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Hailey, you finally slept after having a nightmare, why would I wake you up just for the sake of watching something you have recorded?" asked Jay. His gaze softened. "You're feeling better?"
"Yeah, thanks," said Hailey sheepishly. "Sorry for the inconvenience," she apologised.
"That wasn't an inconvenience, Hailey. You did it for me too often. We're partners; your shit is my shit," Jay repeated what Hailey said to him.
"Thanks," said Hailey as they went out the door to their cars. Hailey stopped to buy muffins and arrived at the district a full five minutes behind Jay.
"Figured I'd say thanks," she plopped the paper bag on Jay's desk as soon as she stepped to Intelligence.
"It goes both ways," said Jay.
"I'll do your report," said Hailey. They were only separated in the crime scene and Michael's house yesterday, so Hailey figured she would do both their reports.
"You sure?" asked Jay.
"Yeah," said Hailey. "Can you update my CI files?" she asked.
"Got it," said Jay. They were soon caught up in their work. Antonio took a day off to visit Diego and Eva, and it seems that all criminals in Chicago were out on vacation so it was a slow day. As soon as the reports were done around lunchtime, Hailey excused herself to get some air. Writing the reports brought back the memories—the boys in the dumpster, the boy in the swamp, finding Jay pumping Anthony's chest—and she wasn't sure she would be able to sleep peacefully later tonight. She went to a coffee shop nearby to pick up sandwich and coffee and clear her thought.
"Aunt Hailey!" she felt her leg being hugged the moment she arrived at an empty table with her tray. She looked down to see Angie looking up at her, giving her a cheeky smile very similar to her own. She squatted down and hugged her niece.
"You're by yourself?" asked Susan, her sister-in-law.
"Yeah… just getting some air," said Hailey.
"You're alright?" Susan frowned. Hailey suddenly realised her lack of sleep and troubled mind were painted clearly on her face.
"Just done with hard case, I haven't been sleeping well," said Hailey. "What are you two doing around here?"
"I need to grab something at the hospital, so I took Angie with me. It's my day off," said Susan. "Are you in the middle of a case? Do you want to take her for an hour or two while I go to the hospital?"
"Sure. You can pick her up at the district," said Hailey. She picked Angie up. "You remember Aunt Trudy?"
"Yes! Aunt Trudy read books!" said Angie.
"You play with Aunt Hailey for a bit, okay, honey? I'll pick you up later," said Susan. Angie nodded excitedly. Susan gave Hailey Angie's cake plate and left them. Hailey ate while chatting with Angie about Angie's time in the daycare. After they were done eating, Hailey walked back to the district with Angie in one hand. Of course, Sergeant Platt raised her eyebrows seeing the duo.
"Bringing the mini-me again?" asked Platt.
"Met her and her mum at coffee shop, mum got something to do, she's gonna pick her up later, in an hour or two," said Hailey, lifting Angie and placing her on top of the counter. "See who this is?" she asked Angie.
"Aunt Trudy," whispered Angie shyly.
"Hello, kid. You remember me?" asked Platt.
"You read books," said Angie. Platt smiled and received Angie's hug.
"Bring her upstairs, Upton. I will catch up with her later," said Platt when some patrol officers came in. Hailey carried Angie upstairs and sat at her desk. Jay's eyes were on some reports and didn't realise Angie's presence.
"Hi, little Hailey," said Kim as she walked in from the break room. Jay's head snapped up. She was just about to text Hailey; concerned about her fleeing the district all of a sudden. His gaze fell on the little girl sitting on top of Hailey's desk, a splitting, albeit younger and noticeably cuter, image of his partner. He suddenly imagined Hailey as a toddler, with innocent smile and bright eyes, before seeing the brutality of the world.
"Hi, Angie!" Jay couldn't help but smile seeing the little girl. He shot Hailey a questioned look.
"Jay!" Angie raised her hands. Jay went around their desks and picked Angie up.
"My sister-in-law has to pick something up at the hospital. I accidentally met them at Lolly's," said Hailey. Angie squirmed in Jay's hold.
"You're okay?" asked Jay as he sat on Hailey's desk, bouncing Angie on his lap.
"Yeah... the report isn't exactly pleasing to write," said Hailey. "Susan knew I've been having a hard time, I think that's why she offered Angie to me."
"Nice. It's good that you bumped into them," said Jay.
"Yeah…" Hailey nodded. She read her report one last time then sending it to Voight. "I've sent you the report. Just fill in the blanks."
"Thanks. Sorry you have to relieve it," said Jay.
"Hi, daddy," teased Adam. Jay shot him a murderous look. Hailey grabbed Angie from Jay and went to the break room. Angie was babbling a story about Barney—the purple dinosaur she adored. Hailey didn't watch a lot of kids channel, but she knew enough to join in the conversation with Angie.
"Upton, you can leave early today. Go to Med, take Halstead. Anthony's parents would like to meet you two," said Platt as she went to the break room later. Hailey was playing with Angie. Platt took over and read a book she brought.
"Okay," said Hailey, peeking outside to see Jay on his computer. Hailey sat with Angie and Platt, listening to the story Platt read.
After two books, Hailey excused herself and sat beside Jay who was no longer looking at his computer. "You're done completing the report?"
"Yeah, just done," said Jay. "He didn't have a pulse, but he was still very warm," he mumbled, almost to no one. "If only we were minutes earlier…"
"I know," said Hailey sympathetically. "Platt said Anthony's parents want to meet us."
"Yeah… I'll clear my mind first," said Jay.
"I'll come with you," said Hailey. Jay looked at her, ready to refuse. "We both need the company," she shrugged. "I have Angie's company to keep me grounded. You need company too."
"Suit yourself," said Jay.
"I'll take Angie," said Hailey.
"Okay," said Jay once he printed his report and put it on Voight's desk. He followed Hailey to the break room and listened to Platt's book reading. "Do you want ice cream, Angie?" asked Jay as Angie climbed to Hailey's lap after Platt was done.
"Yes!" Angie jumped from Hailey's lap, facing Hailey. "You want ice cream too, Aunt Hailey?"
"Of course," said Hailey. "See, even she knows I'm coming," she put on Angie's jacket and the three of them took a walk. The weather had been pleasing, warm for a late October.
"I have therapy tonight," said Jay. "It's supposed to be second to last session, the next one being next Friday," said Jay.
"And how was it overall? Do you find it helping?" asked Hailey.
"Generally, yes. Last year, hell, last month, this case would've given me panic attack. I'm really proud I didn't get nightmare. Sorry," said Jay, being cautious. He knew this case affected Hailey greatly. She once mentioned that she got triggered by children's death.
"It's okay. It affected everybody differently. I've seen worse in Robbery-Homicide, and it always triggers me. Kid victims," said Hailey.
"I think when you stopped reacting to cases, it's when you have to start rethinking about the job," said Jay. He smiled when Angie dropped her toy and Hailey picked it up, brushing dust from it, and gave it back to Angie.
"My sister-in-law is going to meet us in Jeannie's to pick her up," said Hailey. They walked to the ice cream place two blocks away from the district, Hailey and Angie were chatting along the way, holding hands and bouncing their steps. Jay let his mind zoned out; it's like trading place with Will, taking a toddler out. He couldn't believe his once reckless older brother was going to get married; earning himself a stepson from the marriage. He had seen Will with kids, but it's hard to picture him actually raising one.
"What flavour do you like?" asked Angie, poking at Jay's arm. She was on Hailey's arm, sharing a trial flavour with Hailey.
"I like chocolate chip," said Jay.
"Me too. How many scoops do I get, Aunt Hailey?" asked Angie.
"You had cake earlier with your Mum, so one scoop. I will get two, you can taste mine," decided Hailey.
"I'll have the chocolate chip please," said Angie politely. Hailey beamed proudly at her niece. Angie reached forward to grab her ice cream cup. After Hailey and Jay got their ice creams, they paid and sat in the corner booth.
"May I try yours?" asked Angie, her hand was already halfway to Hailey's cup. Hailey nodded. She wiped Angie's mouth afterward. Jay smiled at the scene in front of him. To others, they might look as a family. He never imagined having one of his own before; after everything that he had seen, he always thought that the world is cruel and the least he could do is to not bring a child into it. However, after having two 'family outings', he felt most at ease when he had child around. Slowly he could imagine a family in the future, although not in the immediate future.
"Jay, hey," Hailey kicked his legs under the table.
"Ouch! What?" asked Jay, snapped out of his thought.
"Angie asked if she can try the vanilla flavour," said Hailey.
"Of course," Jay pushed his cup to Angie who knelt on her seat excitedly. Angie took a spoonful of ice cream, then plopped back down to her seat.
"Thank you," said Angie sweetly.
"You were this sweet when you were little?" teased Jay to Hailey.
"Nope, not a chance," smiled Hailey.
"Can I have your wafers?" asked Angie.
"Yes," Hailey bit hers before passing it to Angie. Jay snickered.
"Oh, you're so ready to be a mum. Other mums I see, they give their wafers without being asked. You bit it first," said Jay, amused.
"Her mum would give her her wafers, plus asking for extra. I'm her aunt, I don't play by the rules," said Hailey.
"She's adorable," chimed an elderly lady who sat in the booth behind Jay.
"Thank you," said Hailey.
"Do I get to stay with you tonight?" asked Angie, squeezing herself to Hailey's lap and looked up at Hailey, giving Hailey her best puppy eyes. Her ice cream was forgotten on the table.
"No, I have to go to work tomorrow," said Hailey.
"Mum works tomorrow too," said Angie. Hailey nodded, eating Angie's ice cream. Jay snickered and shook his head in disbelief.
"What? It's practically mine," Hailey reasoned before laughing. "I'll stay in Nana and Papa's on Saturday, you can come and play with me if your mum allows."
"Okay," said Angie. She waved her hand at her mum who approached them, but snuggled deeper into Hailey's chest. "I wanna play with Aunt Hailey," she whined.
"Aunt Hailey is working. Aren't you?" asked Susan, throwing Hailey a look.
"I am," said Hailey, then looking at Susan. "Thanks for lending her. Exactly what I needed."
"Feeling better?" asked Susan, putting her hand on Hailey's shoulder. Jay could see why Angie is like the mini version of Hailey. Susan is the splitting image of Hailey; he would've thought they were siblings had he not known otherwise. They both have bright blue eyes, blonde locks, dimple, and similar built. Hailey nodded. "You wanna come over for dinner tonight?" asked Susan.
"No, traffic back from your place will be hell, and besides, you would have trouble peeling Angie off me to go to bed," said Hailey.
"That's true," shrugged Susan. "You should've come anyway if you needed your Angie hug," she scolded Hailey lightly.
"Yeah, sorry. Had a bad case yesterday and finished pretty late," said Hailey. Susan squeezed her shoulder, encouraging her to elaborate. "Drugged children, we found them too late."
"Wow. Sorry for that," said Susan.
"Oh, this is Jay, my partner. Jay, this is Susan, my sister-in-law. However similar we look, we aren't related by blood," said Hailey.
"Heard about you from this little one," Susan toyed with Angie's curls after shaking Jay's hand. "Thanks for watching Hailey's back."
"Nice to meet you. She did mine too," said Jay.
"Come on, Angie, let's go home," said Susan. Angie clung to Hailey's neck, unwilling to let go. After several trials, finally Angie was on her feet, ready to go home. She waved at Hailey and Jay as she was being led outside by Susan.
"Isn't she the cutest," said Hailey, still waving at Angie. "You're ready to meet Anthony and his parents?"
"Yeah… let's go," they walked back to the district and jumped in the car.
Med was chaotic when they arrived. They walked in via ER entrance per usual, and rode the elevator up to Anthony's room. Jay's steps became slower as they exited the elevator.
"You're okay?" asked Hailey.
"Yeah… I think so," said Jay. His voice sounded surer than how he was feeling inside. He didn't feel he had the right to look Anthony and his parents in the eyes while he failed to save the other boy.
"Come on," said Hailey. They walked along the corridor until they arrived at Anthony's room. Hailey knocked. Anthony's mum was on his bedside, holding his hand, talking softly. From what Hailey could see, Anthony was awake, but weak.
"Hi, Mam, Sir. Detectives Upton and Halstead, we're with the CPD," said Hailey. Anthony's mum jumped from her seat.
"You're the one who found him?" asked Anthony's mum.
"Yes, we did," said Jay. He glanced at Hailey who nodded reassuringly.
"Oh, my god. Thank you!" Anthony's mum leaped to embrace Jay, who was shocked at such an outburst of emotion. He managed to pat her in the back, before she moved to do the same to Hailey. Hailey returned the hug.
"Glad to see him again," said Hailey.
"Officer…" Anthony called softly from the bed, pointing to Hailey. Hailey understood. Anthony woke up when Hailey carried her out from the bedroom. He was heavily drugged that Hailey wasn't sure he would remember her, but apparently he did. "Thank you. I remember you." He raised his hand to grab Hailey's, as if making sure she was real.
"My name is Hailey," said Hailey. "This is Jay. He found you."
"Thank you," said Anthony. Jay shook his hand. "May I ask?" asked him. Hailey looked at Jay, who fully anticipated the question.
"Ask away," said Jay.
"What happened to the boy who was with me?" asked Anthony. Jay shot a look to the boy's mum, shaking his head a little. "Did he die?"
"Yes," his mum blurted out. "He didn't make it, these detectives just told me. I'm sorry."
"I thought so, he suddenly stopped squirming," said Anthony, leaning towards Hailey. Hailey pulled him into a hug, cradling him just like she did when he was found. "I was in and out, but I remember. I remember you saying I will be okay."
"I'm glad you're okay though," said Hailey. Jay put his hand on her shoulder, knowing that this must be relieving for her. Hailey had tears down her face. She was grateful for her part in saving Anthony, and although they couldn't save everyone, but at least Anthony was spared from death. His parents were given another chance to see their kid.
"What is his name?" asked Anthony suddenly. "He didn't seem to realise I was there."
"Kenny. He was 8," said Jay.
"May I ask something, Detective?" asked Anthony's mum. She glanced outside. Hailey wanted to be the one answering her question since Jay was very reluctant to even meet them. But Anthony still had his hand clutching hers, so she didn't have any choice but to let Jay follow her outside. Hailey looked at the balloons and cards around Anthony's bed and read all of them, asking Anthony about each sender.
As Jay and Anthony's mum walked back in, Hailey couldn't help but observe Jay's gesture. She could tell something was bothering him. She pulled out her phone.
"We're needed somewhere else. It's been a pleasure meeting you," Hailey patted Anthony's shoulder. "You work on getting better, okay? Mam, thank you for letting us see him. For me, it was… a relief, to see him doing better than yesterday."
"Likewise, detectives. Thank you so much for saving him. I could never repay you, and everyone, thank you," Anthony's mum shook their hands. "It's a step forward for him too. He told me over and over about a lady who saved him, and carried him like he was a baby, making him feel safe. He needed to know that it was real and not hallucination… he feared about the effect of the drugs."
After saying goodbye, they left the room. Once they were alone in the parking lot, Hailey touched Jay's arm. "What's wrong? What did you talk about outside?"
"She asked why he was abducted. Why him, of all children. Was he chosen purposively? And I had to tell her that it was random. She looked like she was expecting answer like, it was her enemy, or her husband's mistress, or something, but no, it was random. There was no answer," Jay shook his head.
"Yeah… I know. She wants to make sure it doesn't happen again, and she can't," Hailey sighed.
"Anthony seems to remember you well," said Jay.
"He stirred when I carried him downstairs, but I didn't realise he was awake," said Hailey. "That helped me too, though… I got closure. I might be able to sleep well tonight."
"Not for me," it was turn for Jay to sigh. He felt relieved that Anthony is going to be alright, but he couldn't get rid of the sinking feeling in his gut about not being able to save Kenny. If only he realised about the yo-yo pattern before Hailey did; if only they busted the house earlier; if only he got there faster… all the what-if thoughts loomed in his head.
"I'm sorry. If you need to talk…" Hailey gave his arm a reassuring squeeze.
"I know," said Jay.
"If it makes you feel better, we saved Anthony," said Hailey.
"Yeah, we did," Jay turned to face his partner, offering her a smile.
"It matters, Jay. At the very least, he survived. It's a good thing, and we have to hold on to that in order to move on," said Hailey. She still had her hand on Jay's arm. Her heart was broken too by another victim's death and she rejected point blank to be even in the district when Kenny's parents were being notified. Still, she felt better after meeting Anthony, and it felt wrong for Jay to have his guilt intensified. She considered it a win to be able to save Anthony, while for Jay it felt like a loss to not being able to save Kenny.
"I know," sighed Jay. "Thanks, Hailey. Appreciate your concern," Jay pulled her into a side hug.
"Anytime. Do you want to grab something to eat after your therapy session?" asked Hailey. She knew Jay needed it, especially after the therapy session. It was no doubt he would talk about the traumatic case, and judging from past experiences, he needed to be distracted afterward.
"I might finish at 9.30, isn't it too late?"
"Is it ever too late to grab pizza? We just did yesterday," said Hailey. "Give me a call once you're done."
"Alright. Hey, drive safely," Jay walked Hailey to her car and waited until she drove away.
An extra long one because I've been missing Angie. I hope I would be able to wrap this story before the new season, but life got in the way! Hoping for new materials to write about in the new season, and incorporate the new character into the fics.
