Chapter 13 - Freedom
Author's Note: Soooo we made it to the end. :D Hopefully everyone likes the conclusion. I'm actually kinda sad the fic is over. Maybe I should've taken longer to close up all the angsty plot points but it's a little too late for regrets lol.
But if anyone wants to see more angst of this nature, we did another Sith raised Anakin fic that actually has a pretty similar plotline, called Favorless. If you liked this fic, I think you'd really enjoy reading that one. :)
~ Tirana Sorki
Ahsoka doesn't stir from her position half on top of Anakin until she hears the sound of the door opening. She's expecting it to be a healer coming to check on them – and probably give them a lecture for not staying in their own beds – but it's Obi-Wan.
All her questions come rushing back full force. How's she supposed to tell him she doesn't want to be a padawan anymore? Assuming that's even a chance she'll get. "What's happening?" she asks, pushing herself upright next to Anakin.
"The charges against you both have been dropped," Obi-Wan replies, tone distinctly relieved, "The Temple guard testified to having set up the bombing and attempting to frame you for it. The public is in uproar, especially over the Chancellor's death, but... you two are free. No one knows the details of what happened against Palpatine."
That's... good.
There'd probably be some messy legal something about that which Ahsoka doesn't have the mental space to care about.
"What now?" Anakin asks uncertainly, arms crossed.
"The Council wishes to speak with you both, if you're able to come."
She exchanges a glance with Anakin. So much for getting another chance to talk about her decision. All she knows with certainty is that she doesn't want to go back to pretending nothing changed, pretending as though the Order didn't just throw her out because she cares about Anakin. She knows she shouldn't be thinking about the Council like this but she can't help it.
They both clamor down from the bed, Anakin's hand lingering on her shoulder. Her head is still hurting but the last time was like the third time she hit her head very hard in the last couple of days so it's not surprising.
"You don't look well," Obi-Wan observes, moving closer.
"We can rest after this is over," Anakin waves it off which is fair.
She'd rather get this over with even if she's dreading it just as much.
The sun is sinking low in the sky, the rays just starting to turn golden as her and Anakin move to stand in the center of the Council chambers. They're standing in the center of the group of people who nearly got her and Anakin executed for nothing – they were just doing their duty and she knows that but it's not so easy to forget. She's never really had a reason to feel on edge in front of the Council before but she does now. She can't help it even if it's driving her crazy.
"You have our most humble apologies, little 'Soka," Plo tells her almost right off, "The Council was wrong to accuse you." His gaze shifts between the two of them, obviously including Anakin in the words.
"We regret that we were unable to investigate the matter further before the Senate got involved," Windu adds.
Which basically sounds like a 'so it's not really their fault'. She holds her tongue, though. Maybe it wasn't but...
"Back into the Order, you may come," Yoda informs, hobbling closer.
They're all just expecting her to agree but she can't. She doesn't know if turning around and walking out is what she really wants to do either, though. Not when she doesn't know what they're doing to Anakin.
Her gaze lingers on Obi-Wan last. He's holding her padawan braid though he doesn't say anything.
"I need time to meditate on my decision," Ahsoka replies, crossing her arms.
The others exchange startled glances.
"You're not coming back?" Obi-Wan asks, clearly confused.
It genuinely just annoys her. "I don't know," she answers firmly, even if her heart clenches. The betrayal is still burning deep inside her and she doesn't know that it'll ever fully go away.
"If time to meditate you need, time you will have," Yoda replies, ears drooping a little.
"What... about me?" Anakin asks quietly.
"You will be given the freedoms you had before," Windu tells him.
"Hasn't he already proved that he's loyal?" Ahsoka speaks up in spite of herself. The words come tumbling out before she can rethink it. But it's not fair that Anakin is still a prisoner and really has been his whole life now. "That he doesn't mean to harm anyone?"
The others look even more taken aback at the unexpectedness of it. Or maybe how out of line it is. Obi-Wan always gets annoyed when she does that... But well, she's not a Jedi right now.
"What are you asking for, little 'Soka?" Plo clarifies.
Ahsoka throws an uncertain glance at Anakin. She doesn't know if he wants anything out of this, if... he has anything to say. He's always so submissive when talking to authority.
"Maybe that you let him go. We already know he won't hurt anyone. I don't understand how keeping him here is fair. He keeps being locked up for things he didn't even do. And all that because he used to be a Sith – not because of who he actually is as a person." She's not exactly being respectful and it feels wrong but she's so frustrated right now.
The Council seems taken aback at the request and maybe a little guilty at the reminder.
"Consider this, the Council will," Yoda concedes at last, "Think on your decision, you should, padawan. Dismissed you are, padawan. Skywalker... a word with you alone, the Council would like."
Anakin looks nervous. It makes the bitterness inside her grow a little bit more, especially when Anakin nods his agreement – prisoners don't get to say no anyway, right?
Ahsoka offers him as reassuring of a glance as she can. She bows maybe a bit pointedly less than normal before she turns to leave the room. She feels so out of place suddenly, it's maddening. Is this how Anakin has always felt? She's not part of the Order, she's not part of... anything. And she doesn't even know if she wants to be anymore.
She hasn't gotten far before she hears the doors to the Council room opening again. She's expecting it to be Anakin but it's... Plo?
"Master Plo?" she asks, startled.
"Are you alright?" he asks, studying her.
In terms of what, exactly? The fact that he came out to ask still means something to her. Takes the edge of some of her anger but then she remembers how he didn't even believe her and – "Yes. I already got excused from the healer's wing before coming here."
"I did not believe you were guilty but we had to take precautions based off the evidence," he tells her. It's sincere but it's not enough to chase away the hurt.
"I know," she replies, "But why does Anakin always have to take the fall for these things?"
"Our judgement was not correct in this matter and I will not excuse that. But he has used the Dark Side in the past and he still does, and despite how he appears now, we need to know he's going to stay stable long-term. It's not only about him. It's about the fate of the entire Order, the galaxy even."
She knows that, but that doesn't make it any better. She's tired of just accepting that reasoning. "Is that why you thought I was guilty? Because of how well we know each other?"
Plo sighs. "It made us question it, yes. Mistakes were made, both for you and for him."
"I understand," she concedes grudgingly, because she does but some things aren't easy to forget. And she still has to decide what she wants to do. This doesn't change that the deep-seated feeling in the Order as a whole are against Anakin because of his beliefs and therefore against her and she doesn't want to deal with it anymore.
**w**
Anakin stays standing in the center of the Council chamber, trying to ignore the anxiety and fear crawling in his gut. He doesn't know why the Council is asking him to stay unless it's for something... unpleasant. He's probably being cynical but he can't help it anymore. These are the people who – They've taken his freedom twice over, aside from keeping him a prisoner since he was a child even if they've been good for the most part, and he doesn't doubt they would do it again if they believed they had to.
The sunlight streaming in the Council room's windows makes Anakin feel ridiculously exposed somehow. Sometimes being in the room is dizzying, period, and it's especially true right now.
His gaze darts to Obi-Wan finally, looking for some kind of reassurance or just something. He's the only adult who's ever truly tried to take care of him and he desperately needs some kind of assurance right now. Obi-Wan holds his gaze, long enough to mean he's obviously not expecting anything bad though he doesn't show any other emotion. Considering that they're in the Council room right now, Anakin can't really blame him for that.
"About Padawan Tank's... request," Windu is the first to speak, "Did you ask her to make it?"
Why does that matter? What's he getting at? Not that Anakin can say much but the truth. "I did not."
"But you feel the same." The tone is too neutral to tell for sure where he's leading this.
It also makes a tiny spark of indignation rise in his chest. He rather feels like he has the right want to be free. Anakin forces himself to look up, in spite himself. "I'm not a Sith. Not truly. You know that. You know what I believe. You've seen it for the last seven years."
"Yes," Windu muses, studying him, "Your... ability to still reach the Light Side is unheard of in previous Dark Siders."
"What is this about?" Anakin asks frustrated.
"If we let you go free, what would you do?"
"I – I... don't know. Until the war is over, I want to stay and help. After that, I do not know. Perhaps what I did before the war." Just maybe not constantly under Jedi scrutiny. He doesn't really know.
Windu seems thoughtful. "What happened to Maul?" Anakin can feel the way he's watching him in the Force too – seeing the shatterpoints or however that works. It makes him unreasonably nervous. This will affect his fate, after all.
"I do not know where he went." He'd taken off the moment the Jedi showed up – he and Savage had just jumped out the window, disappearing into the passing traffic.
"But you could find him, if you wanted."
Not this again. "He is what Sidious made him. Imprisoning him will solve nothing. I can get through to him, if he does not feel threatened by the Jedi."
"We will see," Windu says at last. "Your... intentions are genuine but his are not. But you are not incorrect that you have been wronged by us. The Council will consider your request." His expression is as severe as ever, but the words aren't quite as much. "Wait outside."
Anakin's gut flips uneasily and he throws a final glance in Obi-Wan's direction before he slips out of the room to wait.
He's a little disappointed that Ahsoka's already gone but she probably expected him to be in there a lot longer than he was. He starts pacing back and forth finally, trying to be rid of some of the nervous tension crawling underneath his skin. He has no idea where this is going to go and after what they did to Ahsoka, he can't trust them anymore.
It's got to have been close to half an hour – is the decision that hard to make or did they discuss other things in the meantime? – before he's finally called back inside.
"Reached a decision, we have," Yoda tells him.
He wishes they would just say what it is. Dragging it out is making this worse.
"Padawan Tano was right that you have proved you are not threat. We had to take precautions, as you must understand, but seeing as you have never once taken action against us, you will be free to leave whenever you desire," Windu says.
If he's happy about the decision, it's hard to tell. He doesn't seem upset with it, at least. None of them do though Anakin can clearly sense that some of them are wary about it.
But they're – they're letting him go free.
He blinks a few times, the full implications of the words taking time to settle in. He's free. He's free. "You mean I can – leave? If I want to?" He doesn't mean the words to sound quite as faint and desperate as they do.
"If that's what you desire," Windu replies, "But if you choose to remain as you have, you will be allowed to."
It's a choice, then. An actual choice. The first one he's ever been able to make and he's suddenly terrified at the mere thought. This – it's definitely something he has to talk to Ahsoka about. "Thank you," Anakin says finally, managing to find his voice. It doesn't feel like he should have to say that but it doesn't really feel right not too, either.
They're the first masters who have actually let him go. Sidious would never have, no matter what he did for him. No one else would have. And that means something, despite all the pain they have put him through.
**w**
Obi-Wan thought everything would go back to normal as soon as this was cleared up. He should have known it wouldn't – but he has to say, he agrees with what Ahsoka said about Anakin, even if he doesn't understand why she would be considering leaving the Order. He should talk to her about it but first he wants to go see Anakin again. He takes off to find him the moment the Council meeting is over.
Anakin's in his room when Obi-Wan finds him, tinkering with one of the machines that litter the floor. He seems a bit happier than he has since the whole Maul situation came up but there's still something weighted in his gaze when he looks up. "Obi-Wan?"
"How are you feeling?" he settles for asking, instead of the million things he could say, as he invites himself onto the edge of the floor cushions next to Anakin – the only available sitting place in the mess littering the floor. The room perpetually smells of machinery.
The faintest smile crosses his face. "I'm better. Much better."
It sounds like he's referring to a lot more than just physically. He tries to ignore the tightness in his chest, how it whispers that it feels like that means he'll lose Anakin. He understands the boy wanting to be free. It just feels automatically like that would mean he wants to leave him, too. Which he knows it doesn't but... he doesn't know what Anakin wants. If he wants to be away from all this, it means he's about to lose both him and Ahoskie... possibly forever. And he can't begin to imagine that, a life without Anakin here. He's been the entire center of his focus for so long. Even if he shouldn't be.
"I wasn't expecting the Council to agree, but I must say I'm glad. It's long past time," Obi-Wan tells him. And he does mean that. Anakin doesn't deserve to be held prisoner here. He never did. Especially not after seeing who he's become. Obi-Wan doesn't know what it's like to be proud of a padawan you've trained to Knighthood, but he thinks that's really what the feels for Anakin. But it still feels like his heart isn't fully in the words. He's too afraid of how this is going to end.
Anakin looks up, something uncertain in his gaze as his smile fades. "But you don't seem happy."
Was it that obvious?
Anakin always picks up on other's emotions, though.
"Do you want to leave?" Obi-Wan asks him, "What will you do if you do?"
"I... As I told Master Windu, I don't know. It is not that I don't want to be here. I just..." He looks away.
Obi-Wan reaches out, touching his shoulder. "What?"
Anakin's very upset about something and it occurs to him now that he's never truly asked him about it. He genuinely forgot Anakin was still a prisoner here, until the whole Maul thing happened. It hadn't seemed important anymore. But was it important to Anakin?
"I don't belong here. I never have. It's not the same as being a Jedi. I can't – I can't belong here." He doesn't take his eyes off the floor. "I am grateful for everything you've done for me, but this is not where I belong."
His heart clenches violently. Doesn't want to think about what that means. "I never realized you were so unhappy with being here."
"I always have been. I – I tried to pretend and I was happy here sometimes. It was better here than anywhere else. But I... I don't know what it means to be free."
"We didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome here," Obi-Wan tells him, because he knows no one intended to. It just never occurred to him how much of a concern that probably was.
"I know." Anakin looks up at him, biting his lip. "I... don't want to leave you, either."
His heart clenches sharply at the words. And in a sudden, wild rush of relief. "I'm sure we can find a way to work it out," he promises, though he's suddenly not so sure of that. "It's not that I am unhappy they freed you. I believe they should have long ago. I simply grew used to having you here. I cannot imagine it being any other way anymore. Perhaps... I could go with you."
Anakin freezes. "You would do that? For... me?"
Would he?
He shouldn't as a Jedi. And he trusts Anakin fine to go off on his own, trusts that he won't hurt people so he doesn't have that excuse even if he's instantly tempted to use that as one.
This is also a conversation too emotional for him to be comfortable with but then he thinks about how Anakin was nearly gone forever and – maybe he needs to hear the truth. Just once. "I truthfully cannot imagine a life without you, Anakin," he replies. Even if that shouldn't matter because he has more important things to worry about. Or things that should be more important.
Anakin's expression shifts to that shy smile he gets sometimes and he leans forward abruptly, practically tackling him in a hug. He nearly knocks him backwards off the cushion actually – thank you very much Anakin – and Obi-Wan lets out a startled definitely-not squeak but he catches him, holding him tightly.
Anakin's hugged him on a couple occasions before and it's always nice even if he's never really initiated it. Anakin's pretty much the only person who ever has – he's not restrained about being physically affectionate with people. Maybe because he was never a Jedi. But Obi-Wan's just glad to be able to hold him this once, to pretend that everything that just happened didn't and that things are as normal as they ever have been.
"About... Maul," Anakin speaks up quietly, face still buried in Obi-Wan's shoulder and the fact that he's not making eye contact seems almost deliberate, "I didn't mean to upset you about it."
He breathes out a sharp breath.
Yes, they probably do need to discuss that even if he doesn't want to think about it. He still wants Maul dead for what he did and it's mildly upsetting that Anakin doesn't share the same view, but he knows that's not fair. "It's alright," Obi-Wan tells him finally, "I know you have past experiences with him I know nothing about. What – was it like between you when you were both Sidious' apprentices?"
Anakin twitches a little in his arms at the name and Obi-Wan holds him tighter. And to think that Sidious got him back and the Jedi were none the wiser. He still doesn't know the details of what happened then. Never really asked. He doubts Anakin wants to talk about it.
"He always took care of me. We were all each other had. He was... distant at first but he got used to having me there. I do not know how either of us would have survived without the other."
Obi-Wan does not want to know why. "You're safe from Sidious now. He's gone," is the most he can promise.
"I know," Anakin whispers.
Obi-Wan's hand reaches up, lightly stroking through his curls. Anakin relaxes against him a little more, but he's still clinging to him just as tightly. How he manages to make himself look so small in moments like these, Obi-Wan has no idea.
There might still be a lot of problems to deal, like the issue of Ahsoka and what Anakin will do if the Council really does agree to let him go, but... for now he's content to just hold him. From the way Anakin's Force presence flickers and softens to goo, clinging to his as though his own could ever be enough to wrap around Anakin's, the same is obviously true for him.
**w**
Anakin goes to see Rex once Obi-Wan leaves. It's freeing to be able to move around again on his own. After the last time they imprisoned him, it just doesn't feel like he can belong at the Temple anymore, not without constantly remembering that, but...
He can't quite imagine walking away and never looking back either. Maybe the question for him really is as hard as it is for Ahsoka. The truth is the Jedi are very much a home to him now, even if they're not his family.
But his boys... At least here he can feel free.
"General," Rex greets, visibly relieved to see him.
"Good to see you again, Rex," Anakin replies.
"And you, sir. I didn't know when you'd make it back here."
"The charges were dropped. Things should return to normal." Maybe. He doesn't know if he wants that, though.
Rex nods, though there's a lingering concern in his eyes. "Are you alright, sir? After what happened..."
The memories will probably never stop haunting him. But that's true about so many things. Sidious torturing him just one more time isn't that bad. Doesn't mean it didn't shake up whatever sense of security he thought he was starting to get. "I will be fine. Thank you for coming for me, Rex."
"You would do the same for us."
Anakin nods, giving him a small smile. What he said may be true, but it still means a lot. It means everything to him.
**w**
This is risky but it's a risk Anakin's going to take anyway. It's somewhere close to midnight when he slips out of his room, silently making his way through the darkened Temple halls. Getting a speeder from the hanger as unobtrusively as possible isn't easy but he manages it before taking off into the underworld.
He doesn't know exactly where Maul is but he can sense that he's still on-planet and he's going to find him. He doesn't have to look far – he can sense him inside another warehouse, one that looks long abandoned.
Anakin parks the speeder bike a distance off just in case the Jedi come looking for it and silently creeps into the building. The main room he steps into is shadowed with minimal light but there's still enough light that he can make out the two shadowed figure present. Both of them look up sharply the moment they see him.
"Vader?" Maul inquires, a note of about-as-happy as he ever sounds openly, when he always talks so gruffly.
Anakin darts across the room, practically throwing himself into the Zabrak's arms. Even if Maul is now smaller than him. It's just a jarring change.
"When did you become so tall?" he grumbles, clearly noticing the same thing as he awkwardly wraps his arms around him in turn.
"It's been years," Anakin mumbles, "I missed you."
"I thought of you constantly in my solitude," Maul supplies which is enough to say that the same was true for him, even if he'll never spell it out. "Why did you come here? Are the Jedi..."
"They agreed to let me go free. But– They do not know I am here. I would prefer to keep it that way." He doesn't want to know how they would react and he doesn't want to risk losing the first tiny thread of freedom he's had in his life.
Maul's hands drop back to his side and Anakin reluctantly steps back. "You haven't left them yet?"
"Not yet. I don't know where I would go if I did, right now."
"Why stay with them if you can run and they will have no hope of finding you?"
It makes something inside him ache to think about what this will mean. He still wants to be with his brother but that's probably not going to be possible right now. "I have family there, Maul. You've seen them. I cannot leave them."
"We will not be together if you do not." He's obviously unhappy but he's not pushing him to make any decision anymore.
"I know," Anakin replies quietly, "But that... also depends on what you will do. I know what Sidious taught us but you know how senseless hurting people for our own gain is. There are countless other ways we can live without that."
Maul is studying him assesingly. "You have changed much. You no longer feel so much of the Dark Side." It doesn't sound accusing exactly but he's not happy either.
"I saw another way. I am still... finding out what it was. In the end, if we follow what Sidious taught us, he will still have won."
The Zabrak's expression twitches a little. "What are you hoping for me to do?"
"I don't know," Anakin admits, "I wish you could help me. That we could do something together somehow. Maybe there is a way you can – after the war is over."
"The same kind of work the Jedi do?"
"No but – something."
Maul looks thoughtful. "You frequently mentioned wanting to return to Tatooine to free those enslaved. Perhaps that would be a place for us to start. Under our rule, it would be a strong force against the Hutts."
That... actually doesn't sound like a bad idea.
And if it's something Maul would want to do – something that will actually be of benefit, then it's better than nothing. In truth, Anakin can't fathom a life beyond action and fighting. He knows Maul never will be able to, either. But that doesn't mean they can't use it to help someone. There will always be something to destroy and if that is what Maul needs right now, especially with all the anger he can never truly let go, then... "I would like that," Anakin says, offering him a small smile, "If we can. But you may have to get used to some of my... Jedi friends."
"The padawan is tolerable," Maul grumbles and Anakin laughs.
"You will get used to it."
He doubts Obi-Wan and Maul could ever get used to each other, though, which is entirely fair. He'll worry about that problem later when it becomes a problem.
Maul's hand touches his shoulder. "Then we will be together soon."
Anakin nods, offering him a small smile.
And for the first time, it actually feels like there's hope of that. Hope of him having some kind of future at all. Things have never been easy but he's made it this far and maybe he won't have to give up any of his family to be with the rest of it. "I shouldn't stay long," Anakin says, even if he doesn't want to go yet.
"No," Maul agrees, but he still seems reluctant to let him go, "If Kenobi harms you, I will cut him to pieces."
...Where did that come from? Anakin also knows he means that literally.
"He won't. He – He wouldn't. But I understand how you... feel about him." He totally understands that anger. Maul went through years of pain because of him. He also killed Qui-Gon and that's as forever unfixable as what happened to Maul.
"If that ever changes, I will end him," he vows.
That sounds just as much like a way of saying that he's willing to back off from seeking vengeance right now because he knows what Obi-Wan means to Anakin and he doesn't know what to think of that. It means a lot.
"I would never let him hurt you either," Anakin promises because he won't. He just hopes it's not something he'll have to worry about. But way inside, from the flicker of the Force around him, the way the paths he can see in his mind are fading from a deep gray heaviness to something lighter, he does believe things will get better from here, whatever that entails.
He just hopes it'll be with everyone in his family together.
**w**
With the war, it's been a very long time since Anakin was last able to go to the Room of One Thousand Fountains and just be. But he goes there the next afternoon, in his wolf form, to try and clear his head and just exist for a while. Try to calm himself.
The peaceful happiness the room once carried is tainted with lingering emotions of pain and emptiness and war but some of the peacefulness is still here.
Especially when he hears the familiar squeal of younglings and looks up as a group of them run over to him.
He doesn't recognize any of them, but the way they start clamoring all over him, trying to ride him and lean against him is familiar. He kind of misses when they used to do this all the time. Maybe all the Jedi don't want him gone. He thinks the younglings would actually be devastated if he never came back.
Not that he intends to leave and never come back. He doesn't want to be gone forever, even if he does leave. He is still, for all intends and purposes, the Wolf of the Jedi and he doesn't want that to change. Better than being the Dog of the Sith. At least this is something that he can choose, even if it wasn't his choice initially.
Somewhere in the chaos Ahsoka comes to join him, leaning her head against his side since she can't get any closer with the sheer number of children on top of him. It's a little crushing but it's also relaxing somehow.
Maybe this isn't where he ever thought he'd end up but it's not at all bad. He doesn't know where his path will go from here or where Ahsoka's will, but the Force will guide them and he does believe that he'll be together with his family, for whatever happens.
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