Chapter 1
"You remember what you said the other day, Sam?" Dean asked, sipping at his coffee, his boots plopped unceremoniously on the tabletop.
Sam glanced over at his brother with a quizzical expression. "Uh. I say a lot of things. What in particular? "
"About us being finally free. Just the two of us going where the story takes us."
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Sam unleashed a fond smile remembering the moment. It had felt good, better than good, almost orgasmic. There was no more Chuck to order them around, to use them as puppets for his perverse pleasure, moving him and Dean around like pieces on a chessboard.
"I remember."
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"So what do you say we do just that, huh? The two of us making our own story." Dean's eyes were sparkling, his face brimming with anticipated joy.
Sam couldn't recall the last time he'd seen Dean so enthusiastic. It was infectious and Sam felt his brother's fervor filling his heart.
"It sounds good, " Sam grinned. "You got something planned or what?"
"Going where the story takes us, means just that, Sammy. No plans. We hit the road and drive. No hunts, no fuglies, just sightseeing…a mountain lake...a sandy beach, the Grand Canyon, Vegas. Two not-so-young bros on a road trip together," Dean voiced excitedly.
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Again Sam stared at him, amazed at how the killing machine that was his big brother could morph into a cute five-year-old, all wide eyes and pent-up energy. Sam had often been teased about being a big girl by Dean but somehow Sam had always felt more like the adult in their relationship.
As he studied Dean's face, his heart filled with love for this man-child, his big brother, the most important person in his life. The only one he wanted to spend the rest of eternity with.
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"Count me in, " Sam chuckled. "Free-range Winchesters. The world is our oyster."
Taking their seat in the Impala, the two men exchanged an almost shy smile of complicity. This was a new phase in their relationship, a new world was opening up for them, one where they were truly free.
Without regret, they left the bunker at their back, the Impala's rear seat loaded with clothes-filled duffels, camping equipment, and all the paraphernalia a run-of-the-mill family setting off on a sightseeing holiday would cram into their vehicle.
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As the tranquil countryside rolled by the Impala's windows, Sam's thoughts turned to the new God.
Jack had defeated Chuck and in so doing saved Earth and all its wonders. Chuck had been the one to design the marvels of this universe yet he'd been poised to destroy it all, just as he'd done with so many others.
Sam dedicated a moment of commemoration to all the other Sam and Deans, made to play out their lives to the bitter end, depending on Chuck's fetishes, and sighed.
"I wonder where Jack is?" Sam asked with a hint of nostalgia. He'd become fond of the Nephilim and had tried to instill positive values into a being who was essentially the son of Satan, and Sam felt that at least in part he'd been successful.
However, the famous phrase of Lord Acton "Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely" occasionally played through his mind. He hoped it would never apply to Jack but then many had begun by trying to do good, ending up monsters.
Sam shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. Why had he even been thinking along those lines?
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"He's probably taking a trip around the universe or whatever, " Dean replied flippantly to Sam's question. "The kid will be fine. You did well with him, Sammy. You'd make a great dad."
Sam laughed. " You're the one with the mothering…and fathering instinct, Dean. And you also come with prior experience in the field. You raised me after all."
"Hmm. I dunno that I did such a good job, I never thought you'd grow up to be a Disney princess with flowing tresses, " Dean remarked teasingly.
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Sam rolled his eyes. Dean talked the talk but when a few years ago Sam had finally decided to take the plunge and cut his hair short, his big brother had been appalled at the idea and had squashed it down peremptorily.
"If you touch a single hair on your head, you'll have me to deal with, " Dean had declared belligerently.
So that had abruptly ended any talk of Sam cutting his hair. He had no desire to hear Dean bitch at him for the next hundred years.
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"Well, I wanted to cut my hair but you acted as if I was about to take another nose dive into the Cage," Sam reminded him.
"I'm used to your hair as it is. You know I don't like change, " Dean huffed. "Then when we're in a vamp nest or fighting fuglies, I always know exactly where you are cos your hair goes into fighting mode too."
"That's ridiculous, Dean, " Sam chuckled, shaking his head at his idiot brother.
"Maybe" Dean acknowledged with a grin, "but I'm feeling so high today that I don't give a fuck what crap I come out with."
Sam studied him. His big brother was in a good mood.
Maybe this was an apt moment to broach what Sam instinctively sensed was a touchy subject, though he didn't quite understand why that should be.
Since the last time they'd talked to Jack before he'd gone off on his tour of the universe or whatever, Dean had never again mentioned Castiel. Knowing Dean as he did, Sam guessed something had gone down between them that had caused Dean to ignore any further mention of the angel.
Sam's curiosity had been kindled but he'd never found the right time to ask Dean about him.
It was now or never.
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"Hey, Dean. You never did say what happened to Cass, other than he was sucked into the Empty."
At the sound of the angel's name, Sam could see Dean tensing up.
Sam's curiosity hitched up a notch.
What the fuck had gone down between Castiel and Dean, because going by his big brother's body language, something had.
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"I'm feeling good, Sam. Why do you want to ruin my day? Cass is gone. End of. I've lost count of all those who've died because of us. Cass is just another victim."
"Huh! You usually agonize for months over the loss of family. So what's different with Cass?"
Dean shrugged. "He's not family, never has been. He was something else entirely."
Sam couldn't help but feel perplexed at Dean's words. Dean had thrown the word family around as if it were candy, so what was going on?
"What about Jack, then? Do you consider him family?" Sam persisted.
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Dean felt his good humor ebbing away.
The last thing he wanted was to be reminded of the recent past, especially of Castiel. The deathbed confession the angel had spewed about being in love with him was not something Dean wanted to recall.
It had been unexpected and embarrassing and Dean had stood sculpted in stone as the angel emotively 'bared' the soul that he didn't possess.
But he answered Sam's question. "No, I don't consider Castiel or Jack family, not in the sense you're implying. I know I used the word family often, but it was only a word, there was no true meaning behind it."
Sam stared at his brother, taken aback. "What about me? Am I not family either?"
"I don't need to call you family, Sam, " Dean declared impatiently. " Because that generalized word doesn't apply to you. You're my brother, and brother trumps family every time."
"So, let me get this right," Sam repeated. "Jack and Cass, they weren't family."
Dean shrugged. "Jack was more of a waif we took in, well YOU took in, Sam. We tried to help, give him moral and ethical stances but he never belonged to us. He had a family of his own. However evil Lucifer might have been, he was Jack's father. He also has a mother, Kelly, who loved him and who died for him.
To say Jack was part of our family is excluding his true parents.
As for Castiel, well, I'm not sure how to classify him.
He was no friend to begin with, just a minion of the angel host, and thinking back, he did us more harm than good."
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Sam stared at his brother in stupefaction. What Dean was saying was difficult to understand.
So, Dean had thrown the word family around as if it was a given but he never truly meant any of it?
Despite all of Dean's exposition, however, he hadn't answered Sam's question about Castiel. Doggedly, Sam decided he'd give it another go.
"You still haven't told me about Cass. Why did the Empty come for him just in time to save you from Billie?"
Dean sighed. "You're not gonna let this go, are you Sam? Well, it seems Cass had made a deal with the Empty to save Jack, one of the times they were in Heaven. The Empty said it would come for Cass when the angel was at his happiest."
"And Cass was at his happiest when Billie wanted to kill him?" Sam asked, confused.
"I'm only gonna tell you this once, Sam, and you better not mention it again...ever," Dean huffed. "To cut a long story short, Cass told me he loved me, and that finally being able to share his feelings was the happiest moment of his life. Then the wall split apart and the Empty yanked him away."
For a moment, silence reigned in the Impala while Sam processed what he'd just heard. "Uh," he exclaimed eventually. "Maybe you got it wrong, you know. In the heat of the moment. Perhaps all Cass meant was that he loved you as a brother. He's said it before to us, to Mom too..."
"Sam, " Dean interrupted. "I know the difference between love and LOVE, and Cass was intending the second."
Sam leaned back in his seat, all the consequences of what Dean had told him falling into place.
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If Dean had been afraid that Sam would tease or roast him about it, he was mistaken. Dean's confession had stricken fear into Sam's heart. Love made people act in extreme ways and now it seemed that angels were not immune to romantic love as Sam had once believed. That made them even more dangerous
"Hey. You okay, Sammy? You've gone quiet, dude."
"I'm fine, Dean. Just thinkin'.
"Yeah." Dean declared. He didn't need to say anything more. The two brothers understood exactly what could have happened in a hypothetical future if Castiel had still been around.
"Don't let's talk of this ever again, Dean, " Sam said. " I'd rather not have a picture of you and Cass going at it together polluting my thoughts.
"Fine by me, " Dean agreed, pressing down on the gas pedal. "Grand Canyon, here we come!"
