Sitting in a chair on the balcony of her fifth-level hotel room with an ignored coffee cup in her hand, Amanda dragged on the cigarette in her mouth, lost in thought. Sleep chose to abandon her all night long, leaving her stressed and worried, so she sent an email at 4 a.m. to her boss-slash-lover in D.C. outlining the events of the previous night and saying that she needed to talk to him as soon as possible. She expected his call anytime now and had never felt so nervous in her life.
Her entire career rested on convincing him that she made the right choice by calling Angel in and letting him get ahead of the task force. She also hoped he'd see to it that Angel's gun registration would be changed to her name before they could identify the bullet. If she let herself be fully honest about it, on the surface, those requests wouldn't be hard at all to ask for if she could convince him that she loved him.
Unfortunately, she needed to convince herself of that first. She hated herself for using him, and more so because it was for a man she would never be able to be with again. She was also sure that her boss knew something. Taking another drag, she blew the smoke out along with a loud sigh of frustration. Jamming the butt into the ashtray on the small glass table next to her chair, she lifted her cup to take a drink, only to crinkle her nose, realizing it had cooled while she was daydreaming.
Setting the cup down, Amanda reached for her pack for a new smoke when her cell phone rang. She jumped at the sound and was suddenly unsure if she wanted to even answer it. Picking it up, the caller's ID displayed her lover's name, and she licked her lips. Wishing she could have one or two more cigarettes, She pushed the answer button, put him on speaker, and tensed, "Hey, Ethan."
Ethan's first words were not what she expected: "Are you okay, Amanda?"
Swallowing back sudden emotions of guilt, she sniffled, "No."
"I read your e-mail. Can I ask you something very serious and personal?"
"You know you can."
"Honestly, with the reports I got and your email, I wasn't sure if I really could get an honest answer out of you." Ethan's voice was quiet and missing any authoritarian anger she'd been tensing up for, but it was still accusatory, and rightly so. "Why did you call in Angel against Stefon's express orders?"
"Because I believe in him. More than I believe in anyone in the New Orleans field office. More than I believe in almost anyone who has to go by the book."
"Because you still love him." Ethan's voice still lacked any anger, and Amanda found that more painful than if he'd blown up at her.
"What he's doing is worthy of his name, and I admire him for his dedication. But I'm not in love with him. Not anymore."
"Yet, it's enough to risk your career over."
"The children are worth risking my career over. Angel has decided to risk his freedom to do whatever it takes. If only we could do the same, but we can't. So as long as he's out there, I have to give him every chance he can get."
"And hooking up with one of the highest-ranking FBI agents in D.C. was a chance worth taking, was it?" Now his voice held a tinge of anger, sadness, and accusation, and Amanda could only answer in silence. His next accusation stung even more. "Was Angel in on your idea to use me?"
"No! I told him the reason he gets to skirt the lines is that we acknowledged his time with the Army Rangers and how valuable he was. I always warned him to follow the rules and not take unnecessary chances. I didn't want him to get the idea he had that much wiggle room."
A tick of silence followed before Ethan responded, "But you did use me."
"I did." Amanda sighed as she fell back in the chair, "And I don't expect you to believe me when I tell you that it was only at first. This last year, I really did start to care for you."
"Honestly?"
Amanda latched onto the hope in his voice. Ethan may be a high-ranking FBI veteran, but he was human, and he was a very good man. "Yes, Ethan. Dammit, if things had stayed quiet even a little while longer, I would have confessed everything to you in person, begged for forgiveness, and asked for a chance for us. For real. I intended to do so on our second anniversary in November. Now, all I can ask for are the favors that I sent in the email and hand in my resignation."
"I can get the registration changed this morning."
Amanda blinked. Did she hear him right? "Ethan?"
"It won't take much. I have a friend who owes me a favor. A no-questions asked favor. I'll call it in for this, for you."
"And the other favor?"
With a sad laugh, Ethan followed through: "I'll call Stefon and order him to not press charges against Angel or pursue him as a person of interest. I will tell him we will bring him to Washington, D.C., for a direct debriefing. Which is actually true. I want to meet the man."
"I can convince him to come. If it doesn't come with handcuffs?"
"No. It won't. You've made it very clear how important he is to you. I will consider it our two-year anniversary gift if you will do one thing for me?"
"What?" Amanda pressed the speakerphone button and leaned the phone against her ear to listen intently.
"If you meant what you said about how you feel about me since this last year, can we try it for real? No games? No lies? No using each other?"
Using her free hand to wipe her eyes, Amanda felt her tension bleed from her body, "Yes, Ethan. Wholeheartedly yes. I would love that."
"You're an amazing woman, Amanda. Your devotion to the people you love is commendable. I want to be able to share in that. Angel is lucky you have his back, but I want all of you."
"You have all of me, Ethan. Honestly."
"Well, I hope so, because there's one more piece of business that you won't like."
Sitting up, Amanda prepped herself. She had an idea of what was next: "I'm still suspended, aren't I?"
"Yes. If I go against Stefon's decision, it will undermine his authority, and I'll be questioned about it."
"I understand." Amanda had to admit it could have been a lot worse, and now she was going to poke the nest. "But, I do have another request."
"Jesus, Amanda," Ethan let out a light laugh, "You don't quit, do you?"
"Bible nearly took a dozen children last night, Ethan. We still don't have a lot of intelligence on him. Can you demand the reports from Stefon and send me copies? I'm starting to suspect someone on the inside may be siphoning anything related to Bible away before we can dig into it. I can't go to the office while suspended, and even if I wasn't, I fear I would be shut out."
"Amanda. We know for certain that someone on the inside is working for Bible. We've had a task force working on the issue for the past six months. Ever since kidnappings across the Eastern Seaboard had spiked, we found some links to suggest it was from a source overseas running operations. Unfortunately, anytime we tried to get information about it, files were marked Top Secret, and even I wasn't allowed to view them."
"How is that possible? From your position, you should be able to—?"
Ethan cut her off, "I know, but there's a shadow group at play. I can't stir the nest much at all, or they'll disappear entirely. If Bible has his hands in this deep, all I can do is send Stefon an order to send me the files. Whatever I get? Well, I won't know until I do."
"Will you send me what you get?"
"I will. Maybe Angel will be able to find something in them that we missed."
"You knew I would go to him."
"You're suspended, Amanda. Obviously, you're not going to sit in your hotel room watching soap operas."
Amanda smiled into the phone and said, "No. I'm not sitting this out, Ethan. I'm going to work with Angel from his side for the time being. Maybe I'll finally see what his secret is that keeps working."
"Just, "Ethan sighed, "come home soon. Before anything bad happens."
"I promise." Amanda paused, then added with soft sincerity, "I do love you."
"I want to believe that. I'll give you the space you need for now. Just promise you'll stay safe?"
"For you. I will."
They said their goodbyes. Amanda clicked the end button, sat her phone down, and dropped her head to rest her chin against her chest. That went better than she'd hoped for. Ethan would work on her favors and give them a chance, and he'd send her the files from last night's raid. Maybe the files would reveal something to give Angel an advantage. Maybe they would help Amanda identify Bible, or at least give them a real lead for once.
Looking at her watch, which read 8:25 a.m., Amanda decided to give herself until noon, and then she was going to go visit Angel at his sister's shop. It still nagged at the back of her mind about who was helping Angel, and she was going to find out exactly who the 'we' meant. Standing, she moved to the bed and welcomed the tug of sleep that was finally interested in visiting, now that stress had left room for it. Amanda didn't bother to undress, and fell face first into the pillows.
