Anakin confesses to Obi-Wan and it goes well...


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Anakin had been acting out of character to Obi-wan's observant eyes. He hardly touched his meals, which was the biggest giveaway. But he was also avoiding Obi-Wan, coming home late and leaving very early, and he barely mumbled a few sentences when they spoke.

Seeing his padawan so withdrawn concerned Obi-Wan, and he decided to force a discussion with the young man. When Anakin returned home late one evening from his studies in the Temple Library, Obi-Wan confronted him. He invited Anakin to join him for a late meal. Anakin shoved his food around his plate for a while and then tried to excuse himself, but Obi-Wan stopped him.

"I'd like to have a chat with you before bed, Anakin. You haven't been yourself lately. You've hardly touched your food and you have barely spoken two words to me all week. What's troubling you, my young friend?"

Anakin could barely look Obi-Wan in the eyes, but finally, after looking lost and afraid, Obi-Wan took mercy on him. "Is someone bothering you? Is it about your training? Has Master Windu done something to upset you?"

Anakin looked up, his eyes wide with a panicked expression. "No! No Mace, I mean, Master Windu didn't do anything wrong. It was me. I... Master, I kissed him." Anakin's eyes dropped to his hands in his lap and his cheeks burned.

Obi-Wan sat in stunned silence for a long moment, gathering his wits. Anakin kissed Master Windu?! Why?! How?! Well... he supposed something like this was bound to happen. Anakin had never shown any romantic interest in anyone before, neither girls nor boys. Obi-Wan figured Anakin had few chances since arriving at the temple as a 9-year-old, as the other younglings never accepted him warmly. He had spent most of his time with Obi-Wan. Thank the Force Anakin hadn't kissed him!

Obi-wan thought he'd dodged a blaster bolt when Anakin didn't ask uncomfortable questions about the changes his body was going through and he'd assumed if Anakin had such questions, he would have simply sought guidance from the temple healers. But now Anakin's questions about the Staff of Redemption and his body's response to it made a lot more sense. Obi-wan realized that he has failed as Anakin's guardian once again. It was time they had a serious talk about sex.

"Anakin, please look at me." When Anakin met his eyes, Obi-Wan smiled gently. "Anakin, there is no reason to be bashful with me. We're practically brothers. You can tell me anything and I won't judge you. You know that, don't you?"

Anakin gave a barely perceptible nod.

"Now then... Umm... Is this the first time you've done something like this?" Obi-Wan gently probed.

Again Anakin hesitantly nodded.

"Okay, good. Why don't you tell me exactly what happened?"

Obi-Wan's eyes were wide with shock as he listened as Anakin explained how he came to kiss Mace Windu. "Oh, I see. So it was just an accident then?" he asked hopefully.

Anakin looked down again and shook his head. "No. I wanted to kiss him. I was... curious."

"Oh," Kriff. "Have you had these kinds of feelings before? It's okay if you have," Obi-Wan was quick to reassure his padawan.

"No Master. I've never felt this way before. Mace, I mean Master Windu, has been so good to me lately. He's actually very nice, and supportive, and understanding, and-"

"Okay, Anakin I understand. You and Master Windu have come a long way, and I am relieved to know he is treating you so well. And it's not unheard of for a padawan to develop warm feelings for a master. It sounds like you're just a bit confused because he's been so kind to you. I'm sure if you just apologize for overstepping a boundary, he will think nothing of it. "

"Apologize?" Anakin croaked. "Master, I can't do that. I can never face him again!"

"Anakin, calm down. Of course, you can face him. He's your mentor. You will apologize and put this whole mistake behind you."

"But it wasn't a mistake. I wanted to kiss him. You just don't understand, Master. I've been going crazy because of him. I dream about him every night... And when I'm with him... I just can't help the way that I feel."

"Anakin, I'm not telling you that your feelings are wrong. You're allowed to have feelings, even romantic ones, but you also know you cannot always act on your emotions. A Jedi must work through our feelings and find balance. Master Windu is your teacher and mentor. He's a master and you're a padawan. Even if he reciprocated your feelings, he would never act upon them. It is not the Jedi way, and Master Windu is above all else a Jedi. He will forgive you and look beyond this transgression. You should do the same."

Anakin sat up straight and looked Obi-Wan directly in the eyes. "I don't want to."

"Anakin, be reasonable. I do understand what you're going through. In this lifetime, you'll meet many people you feel powerful emotions for. You'll be attracted to many different people and sometimes they will return those feelings and even want to act on them with you. But as a Jedi, it's up to you to examine those feelings, accept them, and then release them to the Force. Jedi do not form permanent romantic attachments. That way leads to the Darkside."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Anakin settled in for a debate, his frustration evident. "But why Master? Other people fall in love and get married and have families. Why can't Jedi?"

"We've gone over this many times, my young padawan. It just isn't our way. Strong emotions like fear and longing are dangerous, even for non-force users. But they have the luxury of acting on their emotions. They can be possessive and behave impulsively. We cannot. Non Force users don't have to power to cause the kind of destruction a Jedi can. The force gives us great power, but also an even greater responsibility. We must wield that power wisely and for the good of all, not just for the benefit of our own personal needs and desires."

Anakin stuck his chin out. "Well then, maybe I don't want it. Maybe I want to be a normal person."

"Oh, my padawan. It's far too late for that. When you chose the path of the Jedi, you chose to give up being a normal person."

"But why Master? Nobody should make a choice like that when they're so young. I didn't even know what it meant to be a Jedi when I was nine. I only wanted a wizard laser sword and to see the stars."

"Anakin, I understand how you feel. I truly do. In time, you'll see that this is all for the best. You can do so much more being a Jedi than you ever could as a slave back on Tatooine."

"Master, how can you say that? You don't understand anything!" Anakin dashed off to his room and slammed the door with a loud bang.

"Well," Obi-Wan sighed. "That went well," he said to the empty room, the sound of Anakin's door still echoing off the walls of their quarters.