A/N- I first off want to continuously thank for staying engaged in this story. The darker tones are going to be more apparent and could be triggering so I do want to give a general warning.


endurance (noun)

en·dur·ance

the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way:

synonyms: toleration · bearing · tolerance · sufferance · fortitude · forbearance · patience · acceptance · resignation · stoicism · stamina · staying power · perseverance · persistence · tenacity · pertinacity · doggedness · indefatigability · tirelessness · resoluteness · resolution · determination ·


Getting off the elevator to Barba's floor Olivia recognized that something was off. She just knew. She could almost sense it in the air. Walking down the hallway had her stomach in knots. They approached his door, nothing out of the ordinary except the queasiness that remained in her gut.

Olivia has insisted on going, practically to the point of begging. She needed to be there. Delano and Carlson were next to her, almost hovering. It felt smothering.

Lieutenant Murphy banged loudly on the door. The knocking booming her out of her thoughts. The three of them paused, waiting to hear footsteps or some sort of response.

Nothing

Please, Barba. Please just answer the door. Olivia pleaded inside her head. An alternate thought of him answering the door, red nosed and in his pajamas, some daytime soap playing in the background. She wished that

"Mr. Barba. It's the police." Knocking again.

When there was no response yet again, all officers drew their weapons. Murphy went for the handle of the door. There was such complete silence in the hallway waiting to see if it opened. The doorknob turned fully and gave in. Carlson tall figure was in the way of Olivia's sight.

"Call it in."

Olivia's eyes widened at the words. She pushed past him into Rafael's apartment, instantly feeling like she couldn't breathe. Walking into his flat apartment, her mind flashed back to eight months ago when she was a taken hostage. The way the plastic bag felt in her hand as she past the doorway. The feeling of being watched and then the barrel of the gun in her face.

Her heart pounded faster as the smell hit her. It smelled like rust and burnt flesh. The scent deafferenting from any pleasantries from the singed aroma of hair. It immediately took her back to the undistinguishable situation she was in months ago. She knew that there were keys and other random metal trinkets on the stove, used to burn him. The memories of each scolding hot instrument contacting the skin. The sheer blistering agony, screaming through the duct tape, screaming so much until everything was so raw and sore that no more sound would come out.

Lewis was a one trick pony. Every crime scene resembled each other, each getting more creative but staying towards a script. Almost a complete replica of the hours of terror that ensued. Walking further she saw more comparable chaos of furniture destroyed, everything in disarray, thrown about. She pictured him ransacking through each room, deliberately throwing around any sentimental things owned. She imagined the encounter. Barba answering the door.

Lewis with the gun.

The panic.

Then the pain, so much pain.

Detective Carlson and Delano proceeded through into the kitchen, finding the remnants of earlier events. Delano called for central and forensics over the walkie, grimacing at the set of keys on top of the stovetop, in a pan. She hadn't seen the cases files. There was something about Lewis that set him apart from the rest. Everything seemed to be juvenile, almost as a kid with a magnify glass over an ant hill. His eyes glowing while the community became demolished.

Olivia was squatted against the wall, trying to catch her breath, putting her head within her hands. The flashbacks striking her repeatedly, so harshly. The sight of it all was overwhelming. The stench of alcohol soaked the once pearl colored carpets, now stained with dirt from a potted plant that had been broken and strayed upon the floor. A tinge of red had discolored a portion of the carpeting. She looked up trying to fill her lungs with air to battle the sickness in her gut.

She then spotted the arrow drawn on the wall, with blood, knowing that it was Barba's blood. Pushing herself up from the position she was in, using her hands to support herself, she hesitantly walked towards the hallway leading to his bedroom. About halfway down she looked down, red petals blanketed in a trail to the room. It was the twisted form of wrapping paper to the sick gift Lewis had left for her. Was this where she would find his body, dismembered is some terrible way? Was this the way he was going to instill his revenge? Olivia didn't want to look, to see him like that. As she turned the corner, she knew she would regret it.

The sight made her stomach turn, bile itching to come up. The same disarray was spread throughout the room. Any deemed item that was important was thrown about, shattered.

A display of rose petals trailing towards the bed, partially decaying, showing how much time had gone by. A bouquet of roses set on top of the queen-sized bed. The gray sheets contrasting with the maroon.

There was something under the disheveled sheets, a large silhouette, a red strain seeping through the cotton. Olivia was afraid to pull the covers down. Before even entering the building, she had put nitrile gloves on, expecting the worst. Her palms sweated heavily in the confined synthetic rubber material. Her chest felt tight, the lump in her throat ached.

She held her breath as she gripped the sheet. When she lifted the covers, it revealed just piles of clothes, but in the center lay a small plate. The porcelain was stained with semi dry blood and in the middle laid a tooth. The molar was smeared red almost so much that she almost couldn't tell what it was.

Olivia's whole body tensed, knowing that Lewis had enjoyed himself, wrapping up the tooth like some sick kind of present. The same torturous fate she had endured was now being done to someone she loved. He took a demented artistic approach in the amount destruction he could create.

He had fun.

The laptop, Rafael's. She had seen it several times at the precinct or at his office. Now it was positioned in the middle of sheets. The words "Play Me" scribbled on a scrap of paper. Without even contemplating the consequences she pressed one of the buttons on the keyboard. The screen lit up revealing a video already queued up. She mentally prepared herself as best as she could hitting the space bar.

"Hello Olivia." Lewis's voice spoke.

Olivia gasped at the sight in front of her. The webcam feed had both Barba and Lewis. Seeing his face again brought chills but in comparison Barba's face was startling. It was swollen, bloodied and reddened. Her friend had taken a beating, as well as much more. There was a gash right above his eyebrow, the blood had run down, possibly getting into his eyes and had dried on the right side of his cheek. The camera view had only showed chest up, a white dress shirt partially opened. The small glimpse of his chest had shown more flushed damaged skin.

"I'm here with your friend. We are just getting to know each other. I know you'll want all the juicy details."

"Say hi counselor." Grabbing Barba by his hair, directing his face to the lens of the webcam. An expression of pain plastered on her friend's face.

"It was all too easy. You should have kept your friends much closer." Lewis let go the grasp of hair, Barba slumping his head down.

"Now I'll have to entertain myself until you find me." Lewis held up pliers to the camera.

She now noticed the setup of the room was postproduction of the video she was watching now. Olivia had to close her eyes as the metal tool was forced into Barba's mouth. She heard the struggle and yelling. It could only be described as bone chilling. She didn't want to see the tooth being ripped out, full well that the puddle of blood was the result as well.

"Sergeant Benson?" Detective Carlson called out. Realizing that she wasn't against the living room wall anymore.

"In here." Olivia could barely control the shakiness in her voice.

"You know I'll do it Olivia. Don't make him pay for your choices." The last phase Lewis said before the video stopped.

She was dizzy, nauseous. It was too much. It was all her fault. Olivia wanted to yell, throw things or cry. She heard the beginning of the video reel play and instantly bolted out of the room. There was no way she was going to be able to sit through it on repeat. Stepping into the living room space with the rest of the grizzly scene didn't help. That was it. Claustrophobia was weighing down, her heart began throbbing, burning. Being able to breathe was diminishing. She had to get out. Now!

"Sergeant Benson. Wait!" Murphy called out but Olivia had already made her way through the doorway and all the way down the hallway. She didn't bother waiting for the elevator, pushing the handle to the stairwell. She didn't remember going down all the stairs even though it probably took quite a bit, being that Rafael's loft was on the seventh floor.

When she got outside, her whole body felt weak. All the fresh air hit her lungs too fast. Everything was warm, wrong. What she had seen in that room, evoking all the memories. It was too much. Detective Delano caught up to her and was just a few feet behind her. Olivia just wanted to be alone. She didn't have a chance to process everything. Having a young detective see her fall apart was something she didn't need right now. It would only give Murphy ammunition to keep her off the case.

The Case. As if this wasn't her actual life. It wasn't just another day. This was everything. It was life or death, the consequences at the highest severity.

"Hey." Her voice spoke out. Delano's voice was in comfort mode. Olivia knew this because she had done the same, it was a switch that got flipped. She didn't need the whole guidance counselor routine.

"Don't. Okay. Just don't." Dismissing her. Olivia voice cracked slightly. It sounded shaky. She was on the verge of tears. Tears of anger, of guilt. She walked further trying to keep the distance she had from the officer. She turned away so Delano couldn't look directly at her. How could she let this happen? She should have seen this coming. Olivia paced near the street curb.

"Sergeant."

"I'm not going to jump in traffic, okay?" She needed to walk. She had been completely capable of taking care of herself, last time she checked. The New York traffic just as always with its blaring car horns and chatter. She wasn't suicidal. Had Delano been on the job for one day? Oliva knew that her behavior was erratic, and she probably was taking it out on the younger detective. Her only excuse was the situation right now.

"Lieutenant wants us back at the station. They need to process the crime scene." Olivia couldn't do anything but follow their instructions. There was nothing she could do at this point. She only prayed that Barba was still alive and that they would find him in time.


A/N- Thanks and stay tuned for more.