Chapter 7 – Captivity

Cap·tiv·i·ty

NOUN

the condition of being imprisoned or confined.

Synonyms:

Confinement, immurement, impoundment, imprisonment, incarceration

"Mr. right turns out to be Mr. Right now or Mr. Wrong. Now how's that possible? You're smart, sexy, the whole package." Officer Carlson went on.

"Ah, this from a guy with a wedding ring." Delano said giggling.

Olivia sat in between the two lovebirds. She huffed in frustration. Stuck at this hotel restaurant. Olivia wasn't hungry. In fact she hadn't eaten in hours. Finn watched her move her fork over a take-out container until he was called into Murphy's office. That's when she tossed it in the trash.

She had decided to go to the hotel because it was this or her apartment. She didn't need two random strangers invading her space asking a hundred different questions. Basic questions, redundant questions. Her protective detail had good intentions. They were just following orders but the more she sat at this table the more anxious she became. Each second that past was one that Lewis had time to terrorize Rafael. The clock on the far wall turning was the clock on his life fading. She was still pissed at Lieutenant Murphy making this command, even after seeing the crime scene, knowing that their ADA had been kidnapped. She informed him of Lewis's intentions. Murphy was shown photos, reports and witness statements of the chaos Lewis inflicted. Even after all that he still denied her.

Why was her life more valuable than Rafa's? Damn it. If she had just died there maybe none of this would have happened. The harsh thoughts overwhelming her. Great. Now she was self-pitying. The inner argument inside of her while the two detectives in front of her talked about dating as they flirted with one another. She was over being this unwilling third wheel. Ugh God. Get a hotel room already and fuck each other's brains out.

She had to be out there looking for him. Cragen would have told her to be careful and let her do her job. That's all she wanted to do. "We don't pick the vic." Those words replaying in Olivia's head from the first time her retired captain said them. It was time to do something about it.

"You mind if I, uh, use the ladies room?" Olivia interrupted Detective Carlson mid-sentence.

"Yeah, just let me check it." Officer Delano said hesitantly at first. It was obvious that Olivia had gotten in the middle of their deep conversation. Whatever. Listen she didn't ask to be babysat.

"Clear." Delano spoke as she check the stall.

"You mind?" She had to make sure she wasn't too persistent. She didn't want to over sell it.

"I'll be right outside." Olivia could tell that she was irritated. Detective Delano was one step below an obvious eye roll.

"Thanks." Olivia gave a fake smile but when she shut the bathroom stall behind her, her face went back to serious. It was the first time that she had been alone in over 24 hours. Finally, she felt like she could think without anyone breathing down her neck. She pulled out her phone. Almost simultaneously, it vibrated in her hands, almost as if he knew she was alone. She had to look through the cracks of the stall to be sure that she actually was by herself.

L- When are you coming to find us. I don't know how much more the Counselor can take.

Right after a picture came through. Her heart dropped. Rafael was passed out in the backseat of a car. He looked even worse than before. His mouth having duct tape over it. Olivia wondered if his mouth had stopped bleeding, if not, he would choke. It was so zoomed in that there was no way to see what the make and model was. Lewis was smart, purposely being sure to not add and any context clue to their location. Fuck. By the looks of things, Lewis was almost done with him. If she didn't do nothing, Lewis would kill him and move on to another, then another. Her anxiety overwhelmed her, almost dizzying. She tapped on the reply.

O- Where are you?

A new notification popped up. It was a pinpoint of a location. Followed by another text.

L- You bring any of your little friends and I'll send his head in box to your precinct.

Lewis added a smiley face emoji after the sentence. Something so friendly and inviting contrasting to the actual sentence.

Olivia looked up from her phone and at the door. She would need to be quick. In a few minutes Delano would be suspicious. Opening the door and a small walk down the hallway she scoped out her detail. Delano had gone back to flirting and making mooneyes at Carlson. Jeez, where do they find these people. Normally a protective detail that didn't pay attention would piss her off, but in this instance, it was a blessing.

With another steady breath, she darted quickly out the entrance of the hotel. It was already dark outside. She looked around for a way to get there. That's when she spotted the car. There was a good chance that she'd lose her job. Murphy would be livid with her, but this was something that she had to do. She had to amp herself up, I brain telling her that she had to do this for Barba. God this whole time she had been using his last name. It sounded to unpersonal. Almost in a way it was this barrier, a way to unknowingly block her emotions.

Barba was the district attorney, her coworker, part of the job.

Rafael was the person, her friend, her family.

Her job almost forced her to separate him into two people. Her weird version of a work life balance. If she didn't get to him time it would shatter her. There would be no more courtroom lunches on the stairs, no more spontaneous coffee runs, laughs in her office. She would lose him, his smile, his compassion, his heart. It almost brought tears to her eyes.

"Rafa" She whisper to herself.


"You had better be fucking kidding me. How do you lose a principal? Find her now!" Lieutenant Murphy shouted from his office. Then the squad her the slamming of his fists on the desk. Almost immediately he swung open his door, enraged. "Rollins, Fin, Amaro!" He shouted.

The three of them emerged from their seats. Entering his office.

"Benson's gone."

They all looked shocked at the news "Lewis took her?" Fin asked.

"She slipped her detail, commandeered a town car."

"Any of you know about this?" Their new boss glared at each one of them, hoping that one of them would know of her location.

"No."

"Do not lie to me!" He yelled, stepping closer to them. He wasn't playing games. IAB would have his ass if her squad blindsided him.

"We didn't know, none of us." Rollins admitted.

"Track her radio, her cell. Put an alert on the town car, she's armed!" They all started to walk out of the office when Lieutenant Murphy grabbed Amaro's arm.

"Amaro. What the fuck is she doing?"

"She's going after Lewis." Amaro answered. Nick had understood her. It was probably what he would do too, if he was in her shoes. The son of a bitch had to be put down. All this waiting for him to strike again bullshit was useless. Doing this by the book was only wasting time.

"That's exactly what he wants." Murphy couldn't understand the sergeant's behavior. To leave the safety of protection and hunt this guy like a vigilante was idiotic. If Lewis gets to her, there will be a good chance that they will never see her or the attorney again. Two hostages would just give him more power.

"You weren't there. After she was found. The sick bastard nearly raped her."

"I understand-"

"No. You weren't there. You didn't have to get her from that house, the things he did to her. He stole a part of her that day."

"Are her and the attorney involved?"

Amaro shrugged his shoulders. "He was there for her. He sent the son of a bitch to jail. They have been pretty inseparable even before that." With that Amaro left the office.

Love made people do stupid things, but this may be one of the most foolish. It was almost Shakespearian.

Declan sighed saying a silent prayer. Hopefully it wouldn't end like most of the books did, in tragedy.


She turned the keys in the ignition, shutting the engine off in the car. Driving to the destination Lewis instructed was nerve-racking. Over a decade of police force training and her own instincts were telling her to turn back. This was an obvious trap that she was walking in to, others would call it a suicide mission. This was not going to end well. Olivia had no plan, no strategy for rescue. The only thing that was going through her mind was Rafa. By maybe some miracle he would let him go and just take her. The whole trip there she spent convincing herself that she was to blame and that this was twisted fate. That the months went by that he was locked up was just delaying the inevitable.

She had nightmares constantly about the same scenario. Each time ended identical to the last, with him getting what he wanted. She would wake up so violently, her heart practically pounding out of her chest. Since her return from captivity, she was having to do laundry more, due to her sheets being soaked from sweat during the night. She sat at the bottom of the shower too many times to count. The endless stream of rain giving her a temporary comfort for the time being. No matter what, he always haunted her dreams. He was like Freddy Kruger, an invincible monster with knives and a pure craving of sadism. Only difference was that Lewis wasn't afraid of fire, he enjoyed it.

Many said she was lucky. Not all of Lewis's victims survived.

Lucky.

That word bothered her. What was so lucky about it. She had to live with what he had done, what she was forced to see. The way his breath would feel against her neck.

Four days.

96 hours.

5760 minutes

If it wasn't bad enough having him invade her dreams, she swore she saw him while she was wide awake. She would be in a normal setting, in public and see his face in a crowd. There was a singular occasion where she was exiting a coffee shop and the man who held the door smiled at her, probably just being polite. Call it PTSD or hallucinations, but she swore the man looking back at her was William Lewis. She immediately stopped in her tracks, unable to move. The pedestrians around pushing past her as she was obstructing their way out of the establishment. The coffee cup slipped out of her hand and onto the ground. Hot liquid spraying her pants from the ankles down. The people around giving her dirty looks. As soon as the episode ended, embarrassment flooded her. Any person would be convinced that she was either crazy or flat out rude. It was the typical New Yorker attitude of keeping your eyes to yourself and ignoring everyone around you. She didn't even go back in to get another coffee, instead she hurried out of the store and back to her apartment. Only then she let a few tears fall. She only allowed herself to cry in increments. It was this unhealthy way to bottle the emotions in. To almost have a timer counting down, once she got to zero, she would wipe her eyes and continue on with her day.

After the beach house, she wasn't the same. The air felt heavier. Things looked odd, as if she was looking at it through a filter. She left part of herself in there. She couldn't laugh and smile at things the same. Becoming a human shell of what she once was. She had experienced a similar feeling after Sealview years ago, but this felt different. This time she truly was assaulted. It was the first time she felt as if this was it, the end.

Working in Special Victims to result in becoming a victim herself.

A victim, like her mother.

Full circle.

Full Fucking Circle.

She always tried being the complete opposite of her mother. In doing that, maybe it would guarantee that she wouldn't meet the same fate, down a flight of stairs. Certain days her wine glass was so quickly to be refilled, the corks creating a pile in an empty coffee can. One might suggest to downgrade to box wine in order to save money.

Only Olivia needed it to cost more. If she was going to become a drunk, she needed to self-discipline herself, starting with her wallet. The justification seemed insane and of course she never spoke of it to anyone. It was the secret arrangement with herself.

She was functional. She paid her bills, didn't drive while she drank. Hell, her apartment couldn't be any cleaner. Her work day was more productive, just knowing that a glass of wine was waiting for her. It was like a reward. A fucked up prize that she made it through her day without swallowing her gun.

There was no wine in jail Lewis. A small victory she had over him. The only type of alcohol he might be able to get his hands on would be pruno, which she heard was repulsive. Also no five crazies in that cell. There was an imaginary list in her mind of ways he should suffer. If she was suffering with life for these months, he should too. Just to be fair. Finally in that cage, away from people. People who would be his next target.

Olivia gave a lot of thought to that day at the beach house. It was only by some miracle that the iron pole of the bedpost came loose at that moment. With the amount of adrenaline coursing through her, she would have been able to lift a car. The alcohol wore off slightly enough for her to think clearly and orientate herself. When she swung that iron rod, she finally was able to take control for once. She swung it with all the energy she had left. There wasn't going to be a second chance. The thud and the stinging of the vibration in her hands was the successful senses. Finally victorious.

She was fortunate that she didn't have a lot of medications in her medicine cabinet of her bathroom. When he raided her apartment he threatened to make her swallow every pill she had in there. Olivia assumed that's how he caused Alice Parker's death, with an overdose of her blood pressure medications. She pictured Lewis shoveling handfuls of pills into Alice's mouth.

There was no complete answer to why she had tried to beat him to death. A logical explanation would be that she was still partially drunk, clouding judgement. Another excuse was that she was being completely utilitarian and thought of the greater good. With his death it would save the general public.

No.

The third and most likely reason would be that inflicting revenge, to provide payback for what he had done to her. She wanted to endure that same pain onto him. The countless hours of torture. She wanted him to suffer, equal the playing field. When he was knocked out and cuffed to the bottom bedpost it was the first time she could breathe, move and speak without repercussion. Saying her thoughts out loud, almost as steps of reassurance that she was in charge. That he couldn't hurt her anymore.

She was so hyper aware of her surroundings that when a gust of wind blew by it made her nearly jump out of her skin. Her safety still felt so temporary as if the tables would turn once again and the assault would continue. The pain was excruciating but it was a distraction from the touching, groping and comments he said. Bring on the pain! As long as he didn't reach his ultimate plan.

The thing that really got to her was the way he egged her on, bringing up Elliot. What did he know about her partnership? Lewis had no business bringing him up. He found a photo of the two of them in her nightstand, which started the endless questioning. Being that it was the alcohol or the exhaustion she had finally told him who it was. She had immediately regretted that. It began the sly remarks and the pestering of their relationship. The usual ones. The questions if she had slept with him, or if his wife knew. It was the classic arrogant jabs to belittle her. If Elliot was there he would have smashed his face in, like he had done with the old lockers at the precinct. He would enjoy tearing him from limb to limb until William Lewis was no more.

She harnessed her rage until he taunted her. It was too much. An evaluation of what her last few days were like played through her mind in clips and images. The things he did to her. God, what he said he would do. Enough was enough. Almost as if she was possessed, crazed by Elliot herself is when she brought the force down. She didn't stop until she stopped hearing the squishing sound and only the hardwood floor, ricocheting.

She collapsed to the floor against the wall and the dresser. Iron rod still in hand, so tight that it cramped, the knuckles white in it's grasp. Her eyes fixated on the act in front of her. Eyes wide, unable to blink. The carnage. For a second all control was lost. The lack of remorse she felt scared her.

Her phone buzzed again.

L- Come out and play.


A/N- Have a great weekend