Chapter Five: The World's Greatest Detective

With Applejack in the driver's seat once again, the Rainbooms followed Twilight's directions to the junkyard. They obeyed Batman's orders and put on their balaclava masks, along with gloves they'd brought along just in case. It didn't take a genius to figure out he wanted to avoid them getting their fingerprints all over evidence. Rarity protested, more at the location they were going to than anything else.

"Honestly, all this greasy scrap metal is just vile!" she whined, as the seven made their way through the junkyard. "I think my skin is getting more diseased by the second!"

"Oh, cool it, Rarity!" Rainbow snapped back. "We're doing important work here! We're hunting down dangerous criminals!"

"Why can't we hunt down the kind of criminals who hang around the spa?!"

Sunset rolled her eyes, as the seven rounded a corner of stacked cars. On the other side, they discovered Batman, sitting on his knees, studying the scene with a magnifying glass. The girls started to step towards him, but he held up his hand, ordering them to stop, without even turning his head.

"Don't come over here yet," he said. "I can't have you contaminating the crime scene."

"So, uh..." Sunset stumbled over her words. "Any idea what's going on here?"

"My scanner picked up traces of magic at this location," added Twilight, "but the weapons are long gone from here."

"I know. And I know who took them," replied Batman. He still didn't look up at them. "The men who ran the auction are in the hospital. They were dosed with Joker venom."

The Rainbooms all flinched at the sound of the name. The Joker and his trademark chemical concoction were both famous across the country. The idea of a toxin that forced one to laugh until they suffocated was nightmare-inducing, especially to someone who valued laughter as much as Pinkie. She was shivering where she stood, rubbing her upper arms with both hands. Fluttershy was shaking in terror.

"So...you're saying the Joker has the weapons?" asked Applejack, unable to keep the apprehension out of her voice.

"Most likely," said Batman. "Additionally, when I fought that goon the auctioneers hired at the opera house, a mind-control chip fell from his neck. Recently, the Joker stole that technology from the Mad Hatter and used it to brainwash comedians into being criminals. He could've simply done it again, but Mad Hatter's on the loose, too, and they might be working together."

"Two crazy super villains for the price of one. Great," grumbled Sunset.

Batman looked deeper into a hole that had been punched into one of the nearby cars. "It looks like they tried to use the gloves against the Joker," he commented. "But they failed to injure him at all. None of his DNA is here aside from a few green hairs."

"Wait a minute," Twilight interrupted. "What about those?" She pointed to a set of footprints leading to and away from the crime scene. "Are those his?"

"Yes. Why? Did I miss anything?"

Twilight reached into the backpack she'd brought, pulling out a pair of goggles she'd designed. Slipping them on, she kneeled down and studied the footprints. She looked back up at Batman, silently asking for his permission. When he nodded, she took a few steps closer, then reached down with a gloved hand. She scooped up some of the dirt, finding several tiny white specks inside it.

"Looks like...birdseed," she commented. "Of course, I can't say for certain without an analysis, but that's my educated guess."

"Why would the Joker have bird seed on the soles of his shoes?" asked Fluttershy. "It's not like he has any connection to avians, unlike..." She trailed off as her brain caught the implications.

"The Penguin," said Batman. "So he might be involved as well. Of course, super villains teaming up is nothing new. Still, at least we have an idea of what we're up against."

"Three big meanies!" said Pinkie. "I bet they all hate parties and cupcakes and delicious pastries and—"

Sunset put a hand over her friend's mouth. "How do they manage to team up, anyway?" she asked. "These guys are greedy monsters. All they care about is money. Do they just manage to keep their backstabbing impulses in check until they actually have the money, or what?"

"Sometimes, the sheer value of what they're after manages to overcome those 'backstabbing impulses,' as you put them," replied Batman. "Like these magic weapons. Then there's their combined hatred of me. Plus, the Joker seems to take offense if he's not invited to a team-up. They might've just decided it was safer to have him on their side than risk him being against them."

"I see," said Sunset. She wasn't lying entirely, but even as a reformed villain herself, she didn't quite understand these crazies.

"So what's our next move?" asked Rainbow.

"I think our best bet would be to search Penguin's hideout," said Batman. "I tracked him to it a few days ago, but so far, he hasn't committed any crimes, so I haven't bothered trying to apprehend him."

"Sounds great! Can I ride in the Batmobile—"

"NO."

Batman turned on his heel, walking towards the entrance of the junkyard, where he'd parked his sleek, black car. The Rainbooms turned to follow, approaching their bus.

"So what's our game plan?" asked Sunset. "I know you don't go in guns blazing, but we don't have a lot of experience with the stealth style."

"You will wait behind until I inform you that it's safe to come in," stated Batman, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "We're taking no unnecessary chances."

"You do realize that you actually need us to deal with the magic weapons, right?" asked Applejack. "Remember, you can't just destroy 'em."

"I know. But my decision stands." Batman pressed a button on his belt, opening up the top of the Batmobile. Then he pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen, and scribbled down an address. "Here's where Penguin's hideout is. Park a block or two away, and wait for my confirmation before you get out of the bus. They could have armed guards outside." Then he climbed into the Batmobile.

"Okay! Anything else we need to—" Pinkie began, only for Batman to close the car and drive off. "...know. And he's gone."
"That went well," complained Twilight, as the group turned to walk back towards the bus. "He might've missed that birdseed clue if we hadn't been here, and he doesn't even thank us."

Applejack inserted the key into the ignition. "I don't think he's particularly happy that we're on this case. You'd think he'd feel better now that he knows what he's dealing with in those weapons." She started the engine, and drove out of the junkyard, while Twilight pulled up the address Batman had written for them on her computer.

"Well, we should be grateful that he's at least letting us help!" said Rainbow. "We should follow his orders. After all, he's been in the business way longer than we have!"

"That doesn't give him the right to treat us like we're incompetent," Fluttershy pointed out. "I guess he's trying to look out for us, but he could be a little more tactful about it."

Sunset sighed as she rubbed her eyes. "This is gonna be a long night," she moaned.


Batman pulled up to the abandoned warehouse Penguin had apparently been using as a hideout ever since he'd been released. Briefly, he wondered why there were so many deserted warehouses and other such buildings in Gotham City. In a city with this much crime, that seemed like an invitation to use the buildings for illegal activities. Maybe Bruce Wayne should buy some of them and put them to use.

Of course, that only kept his mind off the Rainbooms for a moment. Now that he knew at least three super villains were involved, one of whom was the Joker, he wanted them off this case more than ever. Of course, if he didn't let them help, they'd probably just go behind his back and try to get the magic anyway. He didn't see any real way to ensure their safety one-hundred percent. The best he could do now was keep them close, but prevent them from getting into fights. Even if they did have magic powers, that didn't make them bullet-proof.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Batman climbed out of the Batmobile. After all his security checks to make sure nobody could get in, he turned back towards the warehouse. It was fairly nondescript, with brown wood for walls that were actively falling apart. The glass windows had all been shattered, and the place generally looked like it had been untouched for years. Of course, that didn't prove anything.

Taking out his grapple gun, Batman fired it towards the roof, latching on and pulling himself to the top. He figured that a warehouse like this had to have a skylight somewhere, which would make a good entrance if his suspicions about this place were correct. A few seconds of searching confirmed that fact, and the glass was even broken up here. It only took a few moments for Batman to remove the frame, and attach his grapple to the outer edge. He descended slowly into the darkened house, wrapping himself in his cape to blend into the shadows.

His feet touched down on the floor within minutes. A quick glance around confirmed that most of the interior was bare, with only a few stacks of loose crates taking up any space. It was a safe assumption that they were empty. Looking from side to side, Batman didn't see any exits besides the skylight and the front door, and there were no signs of disturbances. Perhaps he'd been wrong.

He reached into the pocket of his utility belt, pulling out the radio connected to the earpiece he'd given the Rainbooms. He'd barely begun speaking into it, ordering the girls to come in, when something whooshed passed his cowl, hitting the radio and splitting it in half, both pieces clattering to the floor. His instincts kicking into overdrive, Batman spun around until he was facing the direction the attack had come from. However, he was unable to discern anything until the lights suddenly switched on. Covering his eyes for a second, Batman opened them to find the Penguin standing on top of one of the crate stacks, the tip of his umbrella smoking.

"Blast it!" complained the rotund villain. "I would miss him, wouldn't I?"

"Gimme a break, Pengers!" came another voice from behind Batman. A voice he knew. "Even Croc could've made that shot!"

"Hey! You insulting me, clown?!" came Killer Croc's low, guttural voice from yet another direction.

Batman didn't need to turn around to know he was surrounded. Out of the corners of his eyes, he saw the Mad Hatter and the Scarecrow stepping out of the darkness. Joker and Croc were likely behind him.

"Did you honestly think I'd just leave that birdseed on the soles of my shoes without thinking?" asked Joker. "You should know me better by now, Batsy!"

"So, all five of you," Batman grumbled. "Honestly, I'm surprised you managed to coordinate this. After the whole trial at Arkham debacle, I expected you'd never try a team-up again."

"We learn from our mistakes, Batman," replied the Hatter. "We won't be playing around with a mock trial this time!"

"And I didn't bring Harley to screw everything up!" added the Joker. "We're just gonna take you down, fast and clean!"

"And how do you plan to pull that off?" Batman demanded, even though he had a sinking feeling he knew the answer.

Scarecrow reached into his pocket, producing the golden pistol. "I take it you know what this is, Batman," he cackled. "I'm sure you were already aware we had it, but we'll be testing it out on you. No overly-complicated death traps this time."

"Do you even know what that is?" demanded Batman. "That thing is dangerous. You can't keep using it." From what the girls had told him, even they couldn't predict any side effects of the magic weapons.

"It's a gun, Batman. Of course it's dangerous," Killer Croc snarled back. Out of the corner of his eye, Batman saw him pull out the straight stick. "So is this, if I remember right."

"I don't suppose anything I could say could convince you to drop those things," said Batman.

"Sorry, Batsy!" quipped the Joker. "You don't get off that easily!"

Batman sighed. Of course they would never take the easy way out. He tensed both fists, shifting into a fighting stance.

"And just in case you get any ideas..." said Mad Hatter, snapping his fingers. Several thugs stepped out of the darkness, each with one of Jervis' mind-control chips in their neck. Batman groaned, realizing he'd have to fight through innocents if he wanted those weapons.

Scarecrow took aim at Batman with the golden gun and fired, launching the magic sphere towards him. The Dark Knight easily leaped aside, while his hands pried a batarang from his belt. Once he landed, he tossed the weapon towards Scarecrow, making sure to hit his hand and not the gun. Crane yowled in pain as he dropped the gun to the floor. The blast the gun had fired continued on its path, cleaving a hole in the wall.

"Crane! Can't you do anything right?!" yelled Penguin.

"Oh, like you're so much better at this!" Scarecrow shot back.

"Enough talk!" roared Croc, charging forward, brandishing the straight stick. Batman ducked under his swing, then punched upwards, clipping his reptilian opponent in the jaw and sending him to the ground.

"I can take anything you dirtbags can dish out," Batman growled, as he picked up the straight stick. He slipped it into his utility belt.

"Oh, we'll see about that," Joker cackled.


A few minutes earlier...

"Why does he get to go in first?" complained Twilight. "We're smart, we'll wear our gloves! We're not gonna contaminate everything just by breathing in the same vicinity!"

"Actually, now that I think about it, I don't mind letting him go first," said Fluttershy. "He knows what he's doing, after all."

"Yeah!" added Rainbow. "Besides, it might be a trap, and he doesn't want us getting hurt!" Her smile changed into a frown as she thought. "Then again, escaping from a super villain trap would be pretty awesome."

Twilight rolled her eyes and folded her arms, but she didn't whine any further.

"If it is a trap, do you think he'd tell us?" asked Sunset. "Or would he just take out everybody while we watch helplessly from the sidelines?"

"I don't know," replied Applejack. "I'll give him credit that he doesn't want us getting hurt, but sidelining us is a bad idea. He's never dealt with Equestrian magic before."

"He could be more tactful about it," Rarity pointed out. "Even if he has our best interests at heart, that shouldn't stop him from showing basic human decency."

A tiny beep from the earpiece cut off their conversation. Pinkie reached over and picked it up, slotting it into her ear.

"Hey there, tall, dark, and brooding!" she said. "What's up?"

"It's clear," came Batman's voice. "I need you to—"

Pinkie suddenly yelled as the voice was replaced by blaring static. She yanked the earpiece out, tossing it onto the floor, so that everyone could hear it.

"OW!" she shouted, clutching her ear. "What kind of superhero has tech that malfunctions like that?!"

Sunset shut off the earpiece. "Twilight, any idea what could've caused that?" she asked.

"Well, I've got two theories," replied the purple girl. "One is that it's just a glitch with the tech. Two..."

She didn't finish, as a loud noise suddenly took up everyone's attention. They all looked towards the warehouse, where a large sphere of magic, like the one the magic gun had fired in the opera house.

"...or it really was a trap," Rarity finished.

"Those be magic gunshots," said Pinkie.

Rainbow leaped out of her seat. "Well, come on, girls!" she yelled, pulling her mask down. "We gotta help him!"

"Are you serious? You were the one saying we should follow his orders to the letter!" Applejack snapped back.

"Hey, if you wanna let Batman get killed, be my guest!"

The girls all looked at each other, then began putting on their masks and gloves.