III
Eboshi could not focus. She had canceled her planned meeting with the furrier, which in turn messed with her planned excursion to the ladies in the rebuilt ironworks who had arranged time for an inventory, and that was surely going to cut into her upcoming negotiations with the Akira Traders up north, due at the gates any day now. Toki didn't like it in the least. It had only been six days since Lady Eboshi had stormed out of Ashitaka's hut, leaving Toki without a clue as to help or support her saviors. Eboshi was the crux of New Tataraba's success. Even after she had lost the arm that fateful night against Moro and the Shishigami, she had not faltered in her work for her people.
The bustle was contained to the market area for now, but wagons and children and dogs still blocked her from the speediest path forward. Still chewing, Toki finished folding her turban and dodged a cart filled with ore, headed for the consolidated forge. Since rebuilding, New Tataraba had restarted their ironworks, but had reduced the scope. This was one of the concessions Eboshi and Ashitaka had agreed upon before ground was even requisitioned. There had to be a limit to how they drained the surrounding resources, especially the forest and the neighboring mountains. No one in their right mind would dare pick a fight with another forest god. Those wounds and losses were still so recent. And so were hostilities against the wolf princess who had been pacified through Ashitaka alone. Several dark exchanges could be overheard at market stalls, by the forge, and on wall duty, men and women alike wishing nothing but harm and destruction onto the girl Ashitaka had named San. Pacified as they were by their return behind the safety of the walls, there would always be a handful or three of people whose loved ones fell to the fangs of the great wolves and their pet girl.
Hell, there was probably more animosity towards her than the slavers that had been picking off travelers on the roads the last two months. So far only five could be counted missing, presumed taken, from New Tataraba town. But it pissed Toki off to no end that her god damned neighbors had to fear for safety, foraging for berries and mushrooms before the sun had even gone down. She ground her teeth, and drove a toothpick between her jaws to abate the pressure.
When she arrived at the doorway to Eboshi's abode, Toki had finally managed to wrangle her hair beneath her head wrap, even with the portion of dumplings wrapped in the crumpled box she had managed to free from baby Seita's grip. She knocked twice. Receiving no answer after a moment, she entered. Making her way to the main room, she found Eboshi smoking her pipe and going over a chart with Mitsuo, the driver for Gonza's impending rendezvous with the latest in caravan traders north of the forest.
Eboshi nodded in greeting and made for Toki to take a seat while she wrapped up her meeting with the caravan leader. Toki sat at the side table and fiddled with a world globe Eboshi had recently purchased from a traveling merchant. Toki was exceptionally curious about this new arrival. Given her station, she never expected to travel much at all, so a small chance to peek at the rest of the world was a welcome interlude. She spun the globe and saw shapes and lands that she could not name or relate to what was there. All she knew was perhaps 50 square miles of rural Japan. She had been to exactly one bustling city, Osaka. And while she loved Tataraba, old and new, she realized how closed off and isolated she was in relation to her heroine, Lady Eboshi. Few had delved deep enough to know her background, and Toki only knew it because she happened to be in a council room where it came up. Eboshi was a beacon to women such as Toki, having survived slavery, a life at sea with outlaw pirates (wakou, 倭寇), and finally killing her way back to Japan in order to forge her own community, with Gonza in tow. It was an incredible tale, but one that solidified her reputation among those who knew of it. And Toki was a zealous devotee of the cult of Eboshi by this point in time. Toki had wanted to see the world, but that life was never in the cards for a poor girl from the boonies. Best she could hope for was where she was now, a community that cared for her, with a decent husband, and children. But that didn't mean that she was completely satisfied. It meant that she had settled, not the same thing.
Eboshi concluded her time with Mitsuo, sending her out with a bit of rock candy left over from the previous bulk food delivery. Eboshi sighed, and rubbed her eyes with the deep of her palm. Regardless of her few cancellations and reschedules, she was still stretched thin at the ends. Even her usual dose of pep-inducing herbal remedy was sluggish to keep her at the reins. Toki could tell. Before, you never saw so much as a stretch from Eboshi on those incredibly busy days. Eboshi could take all the nonsense and stresses of the day without so much as flinching or rolling her shoulder. She rose from her seat by the hearth and made her way to the table Toki sat at.
"Toki, I must be losing my touch. I have completely forgotten the purpose for your visit."
Toki shook her head, "My lady, I had no prior appointment. I came here to discuss something with you alone."
Eboshi pulled the pipe from her mouth and set it on the long black table between Toki and her. "Well, now. What brings you to me in the afternoon?"
Toki opened the box of dumplings and placed one in front of Eboshi. Then, puffing out her chest in a show of strength, "My Lady, I worry for you."
Eboshi was looking at the globe on the table and stopped it as it spun in its cradle. "What was that, dear Toki? I admit I am a little sluggish but–"
Toki planted both of her hands on the table, drawing Eboshi's eyes. "My Lady, please. Tell me what has been bothering you. You're distracted. Ever since that night. I'm guessin' you haven't talked to anyone about it, and I am here to help you." She pleaded with her voice, crying out to her Lady filled to the overflow with compassion for her heroine and savior.
Eboshi straightened and re-framed her body. "I appreciate the concern, Toki. But your interest is unnecessary. It is nothing for you to worry over. I have it handled."
Toki gritted her teeth briefly as she spoke, "That is a load and you know it, my Lady. I have been at your side four years now, I have seen you through the best achievements and your lowest losses. And even through those times, you had your shit managed and kept the forge lit and my ladies fed and I love you eternally for that. But there's been somethin' on your mind that you need exorcised. Gonza's noticed and so have I. I would have been willing to bet next month's rations that it has something to do with our resident Ashitaka, but I was there when it…" She trailed off and inhaled, reorienting. "Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm wrong."
Eboshi was staring beyond the globe at the hanging embroidery she had stowed away for later. Toki crossed her arms and waited, chewing on her toothpick. She had been warned by Otsuki the chief medic that any more tooth damage would warrant removal, but she was too damn frustrated to deal with his silly advice, oncoming toothache be damned.
"Toki. It's really nothing. Just the foolishness of a stupid and selfish woman." Eboshi had managed.
And that pissed Toki off even moreso. "You take that back. I do not tolerate anyone slandering my Lady Eboshi in that manner," she said darkly.
Eboshi sighed, for the second time in less than five minutes.
Toki inhaled deeply, settling her nerves. "My lady, I wanna be wrong. I want you just to be in need of a nap and a massage and then you'll be back good as new in no time. So please, talk to me? I'm not here to spread any gossip. But I can't be wrong if I don't know what happened." She emphasized the last two words with all the authority she could muster, hoping it would sound some alarm in her leader's mind.
Eboshi grimaced, setting her teeth at an angle to grind. Her frown felt like a slap to Toki. "I tried to seduce Ashitaka and it fell apart before I could even touch him. That's all that happened. It was stupid and selfish and I wish I had never tried, because now he can barely stand to be in the same room as me."
Toki raised herself on her knees, meeting Eboshi's eye level. "That's not how it is, my Lady. Only how you are making it so. Ashitaka would not treat you any less for such a small thing."
Eboshi let out a single cruel laugh, one syllable. "Yes. Small indeed. Maybe the memory has already evaporated from his mind like steam given how it came and went." She returned the pipe to her mouth and gave it a strong pull inward, smothering her insides while staring at the tabletop.
Toki maintained her eye contact. Not willing to yield and let Lady Eboshi simply run away from the confrontation. This was so unlike her; it was absurd in the moment, alarming in the long term. Toki gripped a dumpling between her middle and forefinger, letting her skin squeeze the rice flour shell. In a mood, she popped it in her mouth, but let it hang at the entryway. Staring at Lady Eboshi, daring her to follow her lead. Toki's wordless challenge was gradually gathering ominous energy in the staredown.
Lady Eboshi continued to stare downward, taking well over a minute to return Toki to her view. Only then did she palm the dumpling before her and nibble at the corner. A tactical feint. The sticky rice and its shrimp and seaweed combination stuffing sure to occupy her mind for a moment instead of him and her alone in a room late at night.
Toki chewed in a loud, vocal way. Some in town previously tried to get her to stop, but no one could beat her in drive or resolve outside of Eboshi. That standing fact made this very situation amusing for Toki. She had never called Eboshi out on anything. The night of Tataraba's destruction, Toki had sent Ashitaka to alert Eboshi of the tenuous siege at the gates from Lord Asano's forces. She found out later that Eboshi was informed and promptly ignored the request in favor of continuing the pursuit of killing the Shishigami. That single fork in the road completely destroyed the town, uprooting everyone. But Toki had never approached Eboshi in reprimand, keeping quiet so as to keep order staked in view. She hadn't thought of forgiving Eboshi. Why would she require Toki's forgiveness? Eboshi was the leader, the savior, the heroine that rose to lay claim and vow dominion over the people in her care, Toki included. Regardless of her choice in the forest that fatal night, Eboshi was on the level of a vested Lord in all but the decree of the Shogun themselves. Toki held a greater opinion of Eboshi than her blood relatives, those she could remember anyway. What use was an aunt who couldn't care or provide for Toki and her brood when Eboshi had gifted Toki the best things she'd ever been: a purpose and a home.
"Tea will go well with these," Toki softly stated, rising to her full 165 centimeters and making for the tea cupboard over by the entryway. Eboshi's eyes followed her as she began the ritual of spooning and sifting the leaves and heating the water. Eboshi had just had a delivery of green tea in, one of the rare delicacies she allowed herself. Eboshi refused to classify herself as exception to the townspeople, one of an incredible list of reasons Toki held such deep respect for her. She ate just like them, did not have a servant cart her around town, opting to walk just as much as everyone else. She would not make those in her orbit feel lesser than if she could at all help it. Another trait to add to the pile for Toki's unyielding loyalty. She cracked her knuckles, a bit too roughly. She may have some bruising to hide when she got home.
The cup situation in Lady Eboshi's room was quite stable compared to others in New Tataraba, Toki for example. Exactly six artisanal wooden cups were set aside in the cupboard directly below Eboshi's tea set. Not that Toki meant to lose all her tea and water cups, but she had so many other things to maintain, children primarily, her layabout husband secondarily. But today was tilting to be difficult. The cups she wanted were trapped at the back, forcing Toki to get on her knees to reach in. Toki was nearly successful when Gonza appeared at Lady Eboshi's shoulder. The third sigh came as Toki had finally snagged one wooden cup and spun at the noisy presence. She frowned with her eyebrows at Gonza, but he made no response. Eboshi was now looking at a scroll that had her attention, infuriating Toki. Not that she had exactly reserved this time, but she felt she had dibs, and this Ashitaka situation was something that should not wait, Toki knew enough on that front. Men would give her so much shit in her previous life for not knowing certain words or not being able to count how many mon coins went into one shu ingot, but she could pay attention and had had enough of relationship drama viewing from a distance.
Eboshi was reading aloud in a small voice, something about timber and horses and ryō. Blasted progress still doesn't stop for humans even mid-life crisis. "I am sorry, Toki. You're going to have to come back tomorrow or the next day." She glanced at Toki from the scroll. A look frozen in a moment. An order.
Toki exhaled sharply through her nose. She gathered two cups and finished her tea setting. Mixing and pouring, she took the two to the table and set one by Eboshi, not making eye contact. She blew on the surface of her cup and downed her tea, scoring her throat in the process, but she couldn't care less. She said goodbye so hastily that it practically faded into the door jam as she made her way outside.
Outside Eboshi's door, Toki's fingernails dug inflamed crescent moons into her palm. Her palm stinging, she flanked her own suffering with a careless bite into her lower lip, mining fresh liquid copper. Even at Toki's most base, Lady Eboshi had never before so callously dismissed her outright. She was humiliated, when humbling would usually manage well enough. Damn her.
Toki made her way to the market, bartering her way through her foul mood. Vegetables and miso gathered, she made her way home. Before entering, she stopped outside the clay bricks that formed her house. Huffing a deep breath, Toki clenched her fist and punched the exterior wall, barely jostling one of the corners.
Stupid woman. Stupid.
Toki unlatched her door and stepped inside, only to meet Ashitaka sitting at her table, playing with Setsuko. "Oh for crying out loud, Ashitaka!", she startled out.
"Mama, look who here. Is the stronk man." Setsuko let out a gapped smile as Ashitaka gave her a soft head pat.
"Sorry for the lack of warning ahead of time, Toki. I can come back if you need—"
Toki waved him off before he could resume his nonsense. She hauled her basket over to the table, unloading her vegetables and drawing her cutting board from the underside. She made eye contact with Ashitaka.
"Setsuko, can you go and find your brother for me? It would make mama happy if you would."
"Okay," came the cheery reply. Setsuko toddled off.
Toki began chopping a radish. She gathered her ideas and started to say something when a shriek and a giggle came from the other room where Setsuko had just gone. In ran the little girl in her messy blue robe.
"Mama, mama. You won' believe it. An onibaba! At the window."
"Setsuko, I can't play right now. I'm busy. Please just find Seita."
"But mama, look for yourself."
Toki peered into the other room and saw no one at the window. She exhaled and was about to return to her prep when she caught a sound. A scrambling from the roof. She squinted, unbelieving. Ashitaka was beside her now, and looked with her.
At the window, a face like a spirit surrounded by white fur descended from the roof. Toki gasped. Setsuko shrieked. Ashitaka sighed.
"San, get down from there."
The clay mask lifted from her face, a sly grin underneath.
"Was I frightening?"
Ashitaka apologized to Toki as he pointed San to the door, but she insisted on heaving herself through the window portal. Inside, the wolf princess shook herself off, scratching at her armpit brazenly. Toki was flustered enough that she had to be physically led back to the table by Ashitaka.
"She's here? She knows where I live?" Toki was back to glaring at him. Ashitaka was in for it now.
"I did not know, Toki. I'll have her leave. I'm shocked as you are," he managed to say. He gathered San and pulled her over to the table, pushing down on her shoulders til she sat.
Setsuko was beyond fascinated with the new visitor. "Are you a demon, miss lady?"
San swiveled her head to the small girl, still smiling wide. "Nope. I'm a wolf!"
Setsuko's round eyes went wide, gasping with a squeak. "But you're a person."
San growled, snapping her jaw forward. Setsuko shrieked again with a hit of laughter, her little blue form trailing away as she exited.
Toki was at a loss. She couldn't even begin to form questions she wanted answered before her legs took her back to the table to continue with meal prep. Unwilling to let her discomfort become a feast for the clearly rabid wolf princess, she rummaged through her gunny sack, retrieving peppers and a rabbit that Ashitaka had caught in the garden. There was still leftover cooked rice from yesterday and this morning, so one less thing Toki had to concern herself with. Ashitaka was helping by starting a broth base in the cooking pot with garlic and onions. Toki hummed a song the Tataraba womenfolk had sung when working the forges at night, keeping herself from staring at her latest unexpected arrival. She knew enough that animals considered eye contact a challenge, so she wasn't going to take any chances with San getting the wrong idea, regardless of how much Ashitaka had possibly taught her about the world of people.
Eventually, Toki's hospitality instinct flooded over her anxiety. "Oh, where is my head? I should offer you some tea." It only occurred to her as she was heating the water for the tea just who she was about to serve and immediately chastised herself for her idiocy.
She's practically one with the dogs. She's just gonna burn herself. What would Ashitaka–
Her thoughts cut off and she whipped her head around to the young man still at the cooking pot. She grabbed his attention and called him over.
"Does San drink tea?"
Ashitaka nodded with purpose. Toki exhaled for what felt like the first time in hours.
"Well, at least she liked it when I gave it to her. And she thinks highly of you from her experiences with the food I cart into her domain to share."
Toki gave up. If her food was tolerable, that's the best to be expected. Glad she was appreciated for something by this violent child of the forest. The teapot whistled and Toki poured a cup for the three of them.
As she was handed her cup, San smiled cherubically, with ample teeth. "Hi To Ki", she emphasized each syllable with practiced clarity. The girl was unnerving in attempting to act like what she thought a person was.
Toki felt the sudden urge to pickle herself in sake. Her mouth acted before her brain could, "You're welcome."
San tilted her head.
No shit she acts like a dog, remember who raised her you dumb woman.
Toki could only nod in reaction and take a pull on her tea. The florid combination worked at calming her sudden dry throat as well as the thirst she was working up for dinner. Toki wanted nothing more than to get Ashitaka and San to finish their tea and leave. But then, how am I going to ask him about Lady Eboshi? He's not far away, but he's undeniably popular around town. She didn't feel like dragging things out until something irreversible came to pass.
Her prep finished, and ingredients stewing, Toki ushered Ashitaka to a chair parallel to San. "Boy, I have words for you."
Ashitaka's passive grin dissipated. His shoulders sank a bit before ratcheting back into his responsible posture.
San leaned into view. "Got any tasty food, Miss To Ki?" That toothy killer smile was back and it lightened the tone of the coming talk.
Toki reached over to the gunny sack and produced a brown-skinned pear. She spat on it and rubbed it on her robe to clean the sack dust off. She tossed it in the air towards San. The new guest leapt straight up out of her chair and caught it in both hands. She landed softly but firmly back on the seat, and smiled wide at Toki before biting into the fruit. With her occupied, Toki returned her attention to Ashitaka.
Ashitaka shifted in his seat. Toki allowed herself to linger and feed on his submission to fate that she was.
"My Lady is in great pain because of you, boy."
"That was never my intent and I will do anything to remedy that."
Toki paused and loosened her features. She was not expecting him to immediately cave. Eventually, sure, but damn. She must be better at this than she gave herself credit for.
"So what do you have to say for that night? I've given you just short of a week, but the results are impossible to avoid now."
Ashitaka began to tell his encounter with Eboshi that night. From the dinner and the eyes she made, to the walk, to the fateful conversation just inside his home. When he got to the conclusion, he was sullen and quiet. He had kept his eyes on Toki the whole of the tale, but as he wrapped up he had to look down. The weight of his words was crushing.
Toki took another pull of tea. God, she could really use some sake right now.
San had been making her way through the pear during Ashitaka's rendition. By now, she was down to nibbling at the core. She frowned, a puzzled look on her face.
"Love is never easy, even for the heroes, I see," Toki said dryly.
"I don't deserve her attention. Lady Eboshi should have someone who can support her and accept her love. I'm not able to, I have promised myself I would not betray any woman I loved." He looked at San for a moment.
Ashitaka shook his head, "Toki, you understand. You have Kōroku."
Toki halted her teacup, staring at Ashitaka with shock. Which transferred to him when she burst out laughing.
"Holy shit Ashitaka, that's a good one." Toki cackled.
Ashitaka blushed, clearly not expecting this disrespectful and crass response.
"Oh shit, you actually look upset. For Kōroku? God damn, Ashitaka. He might leave you his favorite back scratcher when he hears this."
"Why would it be so bad to kiss her?"
Toki and Ashitaka were silent as they looked to San. She was picking at her teeth with a spare tooth pick she had found on the floor. She had not said a word since being handed the pear. The look on her face remained neutral, with a hint of childish confusion.
"It's just two humans making their faces meet. What's so bad about it?"
Oh this dumb sack of sweet potatoes. Have they not… Does she know what kissing does for men and women? Ashitaka, what the fuck have you been doing with her on your trips? Toki immediately realized these thoughts would better serve her outside her head.
"San. Kissing usually does not stop at kissing. Kissing leads to touching. Touching leads to disrobing. That usually ends with…mating."
Toki was impressed at Ashitaka's plain statements. Granted, he was telling the truth and good on him for being honest and plain when he did. But, San was his … wait actually, Toki didn't actually understand their relationship at all now that she folded her brow over it. That was going to change.
"San. What is Ashitaka to you?"
San tilted her head. The canine appears again.
"Ashitaka is my best friend who is not my brother. He visits me and feeds me good things that you make and then we love each other." San smiled brightly.
It was Toki's turn to be confused. "And when you say 'love', does this mean you plan on marrying him? Have you told him you're only going to be loving each other?"
San was clearly not grasping Toki's words. She scratched at her chin. "I never said that, no?"
Toki had a fire in her suddenly. She knew how to better get San to understand. "San. How would you feel if I kissed Ashitaka? Right now?" Ashitaka looked uncomfortable on his chair and shuffled in place.
The wolf princess closed one eye and looked up, deep in thought? She didn't say anything, but looked back to Toki with something resembling expectation.
Well, no better time to shoot than when the buck is in front of you. Here goes something.
Toki stood up from her seat, calmly walked over to Ashitaka's chair, bent over to meet his face, and met his lips with her own. It began chaste and friendly. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, caressing him. Then, Toki upped the friendliness and poked her tongue over his lips. Ashitaka sat stone still, his right arm flexing independently.
She broke the kiss, and stood up, wiping her mouth with her forearm. It had gotten wet. She looked down at him, and then a little lower.
And tight, I see.
Toki looked over to San on the floor and immediately felt an ounce of panic slip into her bloodstream, her heart picking up its pace. San was seated the other way around leaning over the bench. Her mouth hung open in surprise. Toki inhaled. The moment of truth.
San blinked, her mouth broke into a grin, and she giggled. "Oh Ashitaka, that's a great way to thank her for the food. I think she liked it."
Toki felt her pulse jump. The sense of danger was nonexistent for the first time since San came in. Toki stumbled backwards and leaned against the table. "Holy shit, that went better than I thought."
Ashitaka's complexion resembled a tomato that needed to be plucked if it was going to make it into the evening salad mix. He uttered no words, just blinked and breathed, attempting to temper his body's response to Toki's surprising move.
"Oh look, he's so cute." San was enjoying herself now. "He usually doesn't get bloodshot until I take my clothes off."
Toki collapsed into a pile on the floor, her laughter echoing through the home an unyielding flag of mirth and release.
