Part 16

~Douche~


It's been a week since Phil, my mom, and I met with the priest. He gave us his 'blessing'.

Throughout the week things… slowed down. Days went by too slow for me and every time the guys had a get together and brought their 'friends' Morrison always had a new girl with him.

The other boys never seem to hold on to a single girl long enough either, but at least I saw their girls twice instead of once like Morrison. I especially didn't like that they would make out while I was there. He really had no respect!

Why would he do it?

He knew I cared for him, so why would he do it?!

On the other hand, Phil… became less creepy. I still didn't remember what happened the night I got drunk, but every time my mom brought it up, a smile would appear on his face. It was that smile that said he knew something I didn't. Something I must've done.

I did notice something else… he wore that cologne less and less often. There were times when it would surprise me to smell it on him. I got curious as to why he did that.

I asked.

It was one of those times when it was just him and I watching TV.

"So," I started, and he turned his attention to me, "I noticed something."

"Hmm?"

"You wear that cologne a little less now," I said sheepishly.

He smirked. "Oh, I'm running low, I need to get some soon."

I frowned. That was his reason?

Of course, why else? It's not like he knew about 'it'.

Nick had a crazy theory the other day.

"Wouldn't it be crazy if Phil turned out to be your attacker?" He was drunk. He had drunk dialed me and that was the only reason why I wasn't in North Carolina charged for manslaughter. I quickly dismissed the idea of Phil being my attacker.

Because of fear?

Because it might be true?

And even if it was… I didn't have enough evidence, and it would be so absurd! Right? He just couldn't be because he was going to be my step-father and God couldn't hate me that much.

God couldn't be that cruel.

Yet… a lot of him reminded me of that night. I remembered the scratch on his tattoo, his cologne, and his boots. Those boots did sound familiar when he walked.

"Ava!" he snapped his fingers.

I blinked and shook my head a little.

"You zoned out," he said with narrowed eyes. "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"I am… um…"

He laughed.

"It's all right," he said as he shifted in his seat.

"I'm going to sleep now," I said as I stood up.

"It's nine," he pointed to the clock.

I nodded. "I know… I'm just tired from all that shopping with my mom."

"You two had a lot of fun?" he asked.

"Yes, thanks again for the shopping spree," and that blood had to be splattered for it. I didn't wear any of the clothes I got with his money. They were dirty clothes. Full of drugs and blood.

Morrison was right about one thing… I didn't fit in their world. I couldn't stand the sight of blood.

_

He kissed my forehead.

"Good girl," he said breathless after he oragasmed.

I remained under him motionless. I didn't want to move. What was worse was that he had the fucking audacity to kiss my neck as if we were a couple who just made sweet love!

"Lovely," he said. "You have a lovely neck, baby doll."

"Stop touching me," I begged. I hated that I begged, but I didn't know what else to do.

He stopped touching me. He got up from the floor and adjusted his clothes. I laid on the floor, numb. My head to the side. I felt him look at me. I felt his eyes on me, but I didn't dare look back into his. He stumbled out of the house after a few painful minutes.

A few minutes later, my brain actually registered what had happened and I broke down sobbing. I curled into a ball, ignoring the pain between my legs, and cried. Eventually I saw the blood between my legs, and that just traumatized me.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I wasn't supposed to be raped. I was supposed to wait for the right boy and willingly give him my virginity.

I walked back home like a zombie. The sun was coming out. I made it to the house, and I went to the bathroom. I found my mom hugging the toilet, yet again. She moved when I moved the curtain to the side to take a shower to scrub the scent of his cologne off of me.

"AVA! Where the hell have you been?!" she groaned. "I need my fucking Advil."

"It's in the cabinet, mom," I said in a very zombie way again.

I stripped from my little clothes and got inside of the shower.

"Hurry up and make me breakfast, you little twerp," she muttered and slammed the door shut.

"All right," I still said even though she was gone.

_

When I got back from my flashback, I was back in my room. I quickly changed into something. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed air so much. I locked the door, turned off the lights, and took my keys and phone. I got out through the usual way.

I ran all the way to the park. I ran so fast that my lungs burned. I ran until my legs screamed bloody murder. And where did I end up?

Well, the swing set of course.

I rested on the swing and let my legs rest. I felt as though I was living a horrible soap opera. The boy I liked didn't like me, and I didn't trust the man my mom was going to marry. And he could possibly be my attacker, the reason why I have nightmares and could never be truly intimate with anyone.

I wanted to be intimate with Morrison.

He had made me feel so beautiful and not scarred, but I knew I would've told him first… to see if he wanted something so tainted.

I began to cry a little. Why was it so hard? Why couldn't it have been so simple with Morrison? Why did he have to be such a… a… douche?!

I guess I misjudged him. I thought he was the good guy. He was just another one of those assholes.

"It's late, you shouldn't be here," his voice came from beside me.

I squinted through the dark and saw his Long Brown hair come out from the shadows. I continued to swing and glared at him. His brown eyes narrowed at my defiance. He walked over to me until he was in front of me.

"I'll kick you," I warned.

He squared his shoulders as if he didn't believe me. I stretched out my legs in front of me ready to hit him.

He easily took hold of my legs before they made contact with his chest. He didn't let go of my legs. Instead he got closer to me, until we were face to face.

I wanted to get up, but if I did then I would only get closer to him, and that was not a good idea considering I still had feelings for him.

"Do you have any idea what danger there is at night here?" he hissed at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "And you care?"

His own eyes narrowed harder. "What makes you think I don't care?"

I scoffed. "Oh, maybe the fact that right after we broke up you get a girl at your side, and for the past fucking week you've had a new girl at your side!"

"That's who I am! To the guys, that is who I am!" he half shouted at me. "Before you came along, I always had a new girl with me. If I change now, it will be suspicious."

"Step back, Morrison, I'm going home," my eyes were watered.

"No."

I gave him a glare from the pits of hell. "What the hell?! I said I'm going!"

"No."

He kissed me. I wish I had the strength to push him away, but I didn't have it, so I kissed him back. I stood up without breaking the kiss. I wounded my arms around him. The kiss became feverish and urgent.

"I can't stay away from you," he said through the kiss.

"Really?"

"I haven't slept with any of those girls."

I stopped the kiss to look into his eyes.

"Really?" This time it was a different 'really'. I didn't quite believe him.

His eyes narrowed. "You don't believe me?"

I removed my arms around him and took a step back, but there wasn't much room since I was on the swing.

"You had… a lot of beautiful girls with you. Am I supposed to just believe that you didn't even sleep with them?"

"You're more beautiful than any of the girls I brought," he told me with a serious look.

I rolled my eyes. He took several steps back. He was giving me the choice to leave, but I didn't.

"Morrison, you're a guy… guys have needs," I stepped away from the swings, so if I wanted to run away, I could. "It's perfectl--"

"I have not slept with any girl! Have I tried? Yes! I have tried to slept with each of those girls!"

"That isn't making things better!" I shouted at him.

"But I didn't because your face kept flashing inside of my head and… shame and… guilt would settle in, as if I was cheating on you!"

We stayed silent.

I didn't know what to say to that.

I leaned on the metal thing of the swings and kicked the sand to entertain myself and to not look at Morrison. His words left me speechless. I meant that much to him? I meant so much he couldn't sleep with other girls because he felt like he was cheating on me?

"We can't stay here," he finally spoke . "Shit goes down a lot at this time, let's go."

"To my house?"

He smiled and shook his head and extended his hand.

I accepted and he brought me closer and wrapped his arm around my waist. He checked around as if someone would jump out and shoot us… which would definitely happen.

He was more relaxed when we were inside of his car.

His place was the same as the last time I was there. He locked the door and used the bolt too. He offered me something to drink.

I shook my head. "No, thanks."

"I have lemonade," he smiled sweetly.

My heart fluttered at that smile. "Okay."

"Take a seat," he said and I did so.

He and I slept on this couch once.

It was the best night of my life. It was the best because there was no nightmare. All of my guard was down because I knew he would keep me safe. I knew that with him no harm would come with me. I felt like that ever since he came into my life, and when he wasn't around, I felt like something was wrong.

I felt like something was missing. He thought I was better of without him? I was worse without him.

He came with two glasses of lemonade and sat down beside me. He took my hands.

"Do you want me in your life, Morrison?" I needed to know.