Chapter 18: Sentimental Paradox

Kuroo was now used to the emotional roller coasters. The past few weeks, however, had tested his ability to withstand them. And let's be clear, even though he was starting to get used to it, he still wasn't properly equipped to face them properly. He tried to avoid that kind of situation in the past : after all, if he didn't want to ride roller coasters, he just had to not get on them. Easier said than done, especially when the roller coasters involved human relationships. He had to admit that the climbs were profoundly exhilarating, but the descents were brutal. Every time, he felt like he was about to be ejected from the ride, violently propelled out of his car to do acrobatics and end up hitting the pavement headfirst.

Kuroo stayed in the gymnasium for a long time after Bokuto left, his stomach twisted, his head heavy, his body shaken by a troubling cocktail of endorphins and cortisol. His thoughts raced in all directions, only to self-annihilate, plunging his consciousness into abyssal silence. Planets, stars, black holes, everything eventually faded away, leaving behind a cold, black, and empty universe. He finally left and went back home as if none of it had ever happened. Once he arrived, he collapsed on his bed and instantly fell asleep.

When he woke up the next day, the sun was already high in the sky. He vaguely thought he would be late for class but didn't get up nonetheless. It was only minutes later that he decided to truly emerge. Oikawa and Chris would notice he wasn't there, and he didn't want to be questioned or have to catch up on classes later. With what little shreds of motivation he had left, he headed to the bathroom. Once naked, he thought he should at least send a message to let them know he would be late. He returned to the main room to grab his phone. He unlocked it: 2:10 PM. He had already missed the morning classes... No messages. It took him a long time to realize that he didn't actually have class, as it was Saturday. He didn't need to be anywhere. He put his phone back down, sprawled out on his bed again, and fell asleep.

When he opened his eyes again, the air had softened, and so had the light. His head felt heavy with sleep, and he had the unpleasant sensation that time had stretched out. His skin was clammy, his throat dry, and he felt like his eyes had sunk into his skull. He sighed, tired of feeling this way. He checked his phone again: 7:05 PM. He sighed again. He buried his head in his pillow, turned, picked up his phone again, put it back down, and stared at the ceiling. He didn't particularly want to stay in this state, maybe a hot shower, or rather, a lukewarm one, would snap him out of this lethargy? It didn't work, Kuroo found himself in exactly the same state ten minutes later, the only positive point being that now he smelled like honey and licorice.

He needed to get out, he didn't want to stay here. His body took over for him, and he dressed hastily. He stepped outside, and stood in front of his building watching the passersby, unable to decide which direction to go. His indecision annoyed him enough to get moving. It wasn't until he was walking that he could think again. He had a brand new quest: the quest for dopamine, the glorious molecule that would lift him out of this paradoxical state. But how to obtain it? He smirked. He knew what would instantly cheer him up: food. But what food would be grand enough, succulent enough to provide him with everything he needed? The answer came to him as he passed by a ramen stand. He now knew where to go: the yatai near the park. When he arrived at the said stand, only a young couple was seated there, casually chatting with the owner. Ukai-oji noticed him as he was just a few steps away from the stall.

"Hey kid!" called out the owner.

Kuroo smirked:

"Hey old man, did you miss me?"

Ukai-san let out a hearty laugh in response.

"Still a brat I see."

The couple, who had stood up, thanked the owner and left. They gave Kuroo a nod as they passed by, and he politely replied.

"Look at that! You're scaring away my customers !"

Kuroo chuckled and took a seat at the counter.

"The usual?"

Kuroo nodded, and Ukai-san turned to start cooking.

"It's been a while since I've seen you, kid!"

"Hmm, so you did miss me!"

"I wouldn't go that far, but, hey, it's nice to see your little face again."

Ukai turned around and placed a large, steaming bowl in front of Kuroo. The latter smiled. He clasped his hands together, and after a fervent "itadakimasu," he began to eat.

Barely had he swallowed the first bite that the effect he had been eagerly awaiting arrived. The sensation brought him back to his senses. Forget about ikigai and whimsical philosophical principles! Happiness was right there: in a good bowl of homemade ramen.

Unfortunately for him, the euphoria quickly dissipated. The revival of his sensations had pierced through the void that had settled within him, and everything he tried to drown resurfaced. He had not yet put words to this feeling, his thoughts not yet animated enough to articulate it, but he felt his throat tighten. He wanted to burst into tears. He held back and continued to eat.

"Hey kid, you're alright?"

Kuroo looked up, surprised by this intervention.

"Yeah."

The man in front of him raised an eyebrow, skeptical.

"Don't like my ramen?" growled the restaurateur.

Kuroo smiled:

"No, no, they are delicious, as always."

"Hmph."

Ukai looked at him suspiciously. He crossed his arms and looked him up and down before letting out a smile. Finally, he leaned on the counter and declared:

"Ah, I see what's happening here."

"Oh yeah?"

"It's love, isn't it ?"

The brunet nearly choked. He coughed violently and swallowed a large glass of water to wash it down.

"Oh, I see I hit the mark... Go ahead, kid, spill everything to old Ukai-san."

Was he really at this point? Sharing his little love stories with a ramen seller in the middle of the street?

"I didn't know you were well versed in that kind of matter." joked the brunet.

"Oh, if you only knew, I've seen plenty of kids been through countless love stories."

"Hmm, I see, have you ever thought about becoming a shrink? it pays well, you know?"

Ukai-san let out a hearty laugh.

"Oh, you little rascal. I see you're resisting, but it never lasts long, I have a secret weapon!"

"Oh yeah?"

The boss nodded. He took his bowl again, filled it, and placed it in front of Kuroo.

"I see."

"Hard to resist, yeah?"

Kuroo rolled his eyes, and took another bite. Damn, that shit was good!

"Okay, seriously, what's going on, kiddo?"

Kuroo met his gaze. He looked serious. Was he really about to indulge in armchair psychology now? Kuroo put the bowl down.

"Ah, it's nothing..."

"Go on."

Their gazes met again. Kuroo looked away and sighed.

"It's just... I have this friend..."

Ukai nodded.

"And... uh... and well, I have, um, a little crush on, uh, this friend..."

"A little crush?"

"Okay, fine, a big one!"

The shopkeeper chuckled.

"And?"

"And he..."

Kuroo fell silent, mortified to have spilt the beans all by himself. He looked up. His counterpart didn't seem to make much of this information.

"He's great, and I care a lot about him... but... I acted like a jerk."

"Ugh... I realized it wouldn't work out, and... I wanted to act like nothing changed, like nothing was different, but... But I acted like a kid and avoided him. I just wanted to… I don't know, come to terms with it first. I needed time to be able to be his friend again, without any ulterior motives."

"Sounds like a bad idea. I mean, the avoiding your friend part of it."

"Yeah... He eventually figured it out and it pissed him off," Kuroo chuckled "he chased me across campus to yell at me."

"Yeah... you kinda deserved it."

"Yeah.. Anyway, he let it all out and I kept being an idiot, I didn't want to confront him about it... But... seeing how much it hurt him... I... I couldn't hold out any longer."

"You told him how you felt."

Kuroo ran his hand through his hair:

"Not directly...at first… but yeah."

"Oh... and how did he react?"

Kuroo buried his face in his hands and mumbled his answer.

"What?"

"We kissed," repeated the brunet.

"Oh! That's a good thing, right?" asked Ukai.

Kuroo rubbed his hair frantically. He suddenly raised his head and exclaimed:

"No! It's not at all!"

The owner jumped.

"Uh... and why is that?"

"Because…"

Kuroo let his head fall back onto the counter. Ukai managed to remove the bowl from its path just in time.

"Because?"

Kuroo sighed.

"Because," he turned his head but let it rest on the counter, avoiding eye contact, "because I distanced myself because... I realized he was already in a relationship. Well, more than that really, he's mated."

"Oh..."

"Yeah..."

Silence.

"And I don't know why he did that! I mean... I didn't force him into anything, it happened... mutually, like that, so... I don't know. Maybe he took pity on me and did it because I was crying like an idiot? I don't know..."

"Hmm... Or maybe he did it because he wanted to?"

Kuroo straightened up.

"Maybe but that doesn't help me either..."

"Just because it doesn't help you, doesn't mean it's not true, kiddo."

"Yeah... but... I don't want to stir up trouble..."

"Sorry, but I think you got yourself into trouble all by yourself there."

"Haha, thanks, that's really helpful..."

"No but... well, I won't assume, I don't know, but... You don't know the relationship he has with his mate."

"I don't see where you're going with this, gramps."

Ukai sighed. He took out his pack from his apron and lit a cigarette.

"I don't know... maybe they don't get along anymore, or maybe he never really chose them."

Kuroo remembered the conversation he had with Oikawa, when he found out he had escaped from an arranged marriage... He hoped with all his heart that Bokuto hadn't had to go through that.

"Or maybe, even if that's not the case and he doesn't have any issues with his mate, it doesn't change what's between you..."

Kuroo frowned.

"Like, he's cheating on his mate? I don't see him doing that and I don't want to be the jerk meddling like that either, no thanks..."

"Yes maybe... or maybe not."

"What do you mean?"

Ukai sighed, took one last drag of his cigarette before extinguishing it in the ashtray on the edge of the counter.

"You know kid, it's not always as... ugh, black and white, it's not exactly what I mean but you get the idea."

"No..."

"Pfft... What I mean is you don't know the relationship he has with his mate, maybe they've agreed on this sort of thing, you never know. There are plenty of people who don't have just one mate, or lover, I've known and still know people like that."

Kuroo widened his eyes. Seriously ? This again?!

"Um..."

"I know it's surprising, but there's nothing wrong with that and then... well you see."

"Yeah... I get it, I have a friend who has five parents…"

"Ah, see?"

"Yeah but still... I'm not sure if I want to get into that kind of things."

"I understand... And maybe we're completely off track here..."

"Yeah..."

"But kiddo, you'll only know if you go talk to him... It would be sad to lose someone you care about over something stupid like this."

"You're right..."

Silence fell between them. Kuroo hadn't looked up. Ukai let out a smile:

"Well, come on, it's not the end of the world!"

"You're not too bad at giving love advice, you know?"

"I know! Well, finish your bowl so you can go home and I can close up."

Kuroo nodded and complied. He smiled, finally at peace. The old man was right, there was no point in mulling it over in his head until he talked to him. He now knew what he had to do. After all, it wasn't that complicated...

-/-

Kuroo had been mistaken. On the contrary, establishing dialogue was not a piece of cake at all. However, on his part, Kuroo was well-prepared, ready to face Bokuto, to clarify things, to open up and talk! Unfortunately, he had forgotten that the "reciprocity" factor was essential for communication.

Kuroo had spent his Sunday pacing around, writing texts only to never finish them. Finally, he decided to give up on doing it by text, thinking that it would probably be easier to talk about it face to face. He just had to find Bokuto on campus the next day. Luck seemed to be on his side at first. Indeed, as he was leaving his first class of the morning, he recognized Bokuto, a few meters away from him, walking in his direction. He smiled at him and waved when their eyes met, a gesture albeit timid but one he hoped was explicit enough. He hadn't planned to ambush him like that, but that didn't change anything. He needed to muster up his courage and talk to him! It was at that moment that the "reciprocity" factor became a problem: Bokuto, upon spotting him, did not respond at all to his greeting. He made his best panicked owl face and immediately turned to head in the opposite direction. Ouch, now that he was experiencing it himself, he understood how hurtful his behavior had been...

He sighed, dismayed, and let his arms fall limply at his sides.

"Am I tripping or is Bokuto avoiding you now?"

Kuroo jumped, surprised to hear Oikawa so close to him.

"No!"

"Well, stop lying, it's obvious. What did you do now?"

Kuroo sighed again.

"Nothing..."

"What do you mean nothing, wait!" Oikawa urged him as he saw him walking away.

He had the tact not to ask him more questions and left him alone.

However, Kuroo's mind couldn't find peace. He turned the matter over and over in his head, examining it as thoroughly as possible, desperately trying to find a solution... Could he simply chase after him across campus? But that wasn't really his style... After all, if the young man didn't want to talk to him now, he had to respect that and wait for him to come to him on his own terms. Yes, that's what he should do... No... was that really the right thing to do? What if he never managed to re-establish contact with him? Bokuto might never want to talk to him again, and he would lose him for good! What should he do? Should he talk to his friends about it? Most likely... But that meant he would have to reveal what happened... How could he broach the subject? No, it was his problem, he had to deal with it alone...

His heart clenched at the memory of Bokuto's expression when he saw him... Oikawa's voice echoed in his head: "What did you do this time?" A pertinent question, and he turned it back on himself. The question spun around and around in his head, resonating like a thousand voices, ever more insistent, ever louder. He couldn't take it anymore, it had to stop!

"We kissed!"

Oikawa, whom he had just interrupted mid-sentence, jumped violently and dropped the pen he was holding.

A hushing sound rose, all the students present in the library casting irritated glances at him. Kuroo scanned the room. Bad timing. He caught the gaze of some students and bowed to apologize.

It took Oikawa several seconds to process what Kuroo had just said, the initial event having taken place several hours earlier. When he finally registered the information, his jaw dropped:

"What?! Are you kidding me!" he whispered.

Kuroo shook his head negatively.

"Who did you kiss?" Yamaguchi whispered from across the table.

"Bokuto!" Oikawa replied.

"What?!"

Kuroo let his face fall into his hands.

"What? When?" Yamaguchi protested.

Kuroo let out a muffled groan.

"Last week. He chased me, we argued, and um... I told him the truth, and we... well, you know," Kuroo confessed.

Oikawa and Yamaguchi looked at him, completely bewildered.

"Guys, calm down, he didn't secretly make three kids with him, chill." Tsukishima commented nonchalantly.

"Tsukki, shush, shush!" Yamaguchi scolded him, pressing his hand over his mouth.

Kuroo nodded. From that perspective, it wasn't so terrible, just a tiny little kiss, nothing dramatic really! Tsukishima and Yamaguchi continued to bicker louder and louder. As Kuroo was about to intervene to advise them to lower their voices, the librarian arrived, like a all-powerful magical entity, and commanded them to leave immediately. The small group obeyed without protest. Once outside, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima resumed their verbal sparring, but Kuroo didn't bother to pay attention to what they were saying.

"Kuroo?"

He didn't react immediately.

"Kuroo?" Oikawa repeated.

"Hmm?"

"What are you going to do about..."

They both jumped simultaneously upon hearing Kuroo's phone ring. The brunet pulled it out of his pocket.

"Fuck!"

"Who is it?"

"Kenma..."

"And?"

"Uh, nothing, just... not now"

Kuroo's phone almost slipped from his hands several times. In one of his attempts to grab it, he accidentally pressed on the screen:

"Hey! Ji?"

Kuroo panicked upon hearing Kenma's voice. What was it supposed to do? He couldn't just hang up like that!

In a last desperate attempt, he replied, "Oh, sorry, I'm going under a bridge," and tossed his cell phone as far away as possible. Kuroo grimaced when he heard it crash to the ground. It took him several seconds to come back to himself and catch his breath. He turned his head, his friends were looking at him with astonishment and concern.

"What's wrong with you!" exclaimed Oikawa.

Kuroo stammered, unable to formulate a coherent sentence, frantically waving his arms without bringing any clarity to his nebulous explanation.

"I... I can't handle this right now," the brunet finally affirmed.

"No shit," Oikawa replied.

"You're really losing it," Tsukishima intervened.

For once, no one denied the facts. Kuroo just went to retrieve his now badly damaged phone. The poor thing was on its last legs, and it breathed its last breath in the hands of its owner. Kuroo sighed, dismayed to see the extent of his own stupidity. At least no one could call him now...

-/-

The following days were relatively peaceful. The loss of his phone turned out to be rather pleasant. Indeed, Kuroo, no longer having the possibility of being contacted, also no longer had to worry about answering calls. He had entered a state of intermediate existence, something akin to Schrödinger's cat experiment: he was there without really being there. What a pleasant sensation it was! Unfortunately for him, he couldn't remain hidden for long.

-/-

"No, Suga, you can't do that and..."

Oikawa fell silent. A loud noise had just echoed in the room. All eyes turned towards the door. After several seconds, the handle lowered, and to their surprise, Kuroo appeared.

"Oops, sorry for the noise!"

Most of them turned back, resuming their initial activities. But not Oikawa. Kuroo had closed the door behind him and was now stumbling in their direction, his gait disjointed as if he were under the control of a puppeteer. His gaze was vacant, fixed on the ground. Oikawa glanced at Sugawara, who also seemed to worry about their friend.

"Kuroo, are you okay?" asked the silver-haired.

"Yes," he affirmed.

His words were immediately discredited when he collided with a chair in the middle of his path. Kuroo seemed surprised by the impact and took a step back to recalculate his trajectory. But his recalculation was off, and he hit the coffee table this time. He nearly stumbled another ten times, which was astronomical considering the ridiculously short distance he had to travel. Once he reached them, Oikawa pulled back the chair next to him so that Kuroo could sit down. Kuroo managed to sit down without any trouble. He sighed, satisfied to have made it here in one piece.

"Kuroo, what's wrong?" asked Sugawara.

The interested party looked up but didn't immediately answer.

"Hello, earth to Kuroo?" intervened Oikawa.

"Um... I'm not sure..."

Silence.

"Kuroo?"

"Go ahead, tell us."

The brunet took a deep breath and finally spoke.

One hour earlier:

Kuroo was comfortably settled on his bed, killing time before he had to go to CATO. The loss of his phone had been beneficial in that regard: he couldn't scroll through social media for hours anymore. So, he had resumed a more noble activity: reading. He had almost forgotten how enjoyable it could be, like a door through time and space capable of isolating him from everything. Yes, he couldn't necessarily read a whole page without his mind wandering off in various directions, forcing him to reread the same words again and again, but it wasn't unpleasant either. He was abruptly pulled out of his reading when the sound of the intercom echoed in the apartment. Kuroo jumped and dropped his book in the process. The noise ceased. Kuroo looked at the intercom from which the ringing sound emanated. Who could it be at this hour? The doorbell rang again. This time Kuroo answered it:

"Hello?"

"Bro!"

Kuroo lost his breath as his heart pounded violently against his chest.

"Bokuto? What are you doing here?"

"Open up!"

The young man addressed him in a cheerful and lively voice, which didn't quite match the attitude he had towards Kuroo in recent days.

"Wait, I..."

Too late for excuses, Kuroo heard his friend chatting with someone who had just opened the door for him.

"Thanks a lot! I'm coming, Bro!"

And he heard the ground floor door slam shut. The phone slipped from his hands, and he spun around, panicked. What was he doing here exactly?! How did he get his address? He hastily picked up the few clothes lying on the floor and stuffed them into a closet. He began to fold his futon, but he heard a knock on his door before he could even finish putting it away.

"Coming!"

Kuroo spun around once again, clearly on the verge of a syncope. He gathered himself and went to open the door.

"Bo, I..."

He couldn't continue. As soon as he opened the door, Bokuto threw himself into his arms.

"Bro!"

He lifted him off the ground and spun him around. Even though the tone was far from what he expected, Kuroo let him do it and smiled.

"What are you doing here, Bo?"

"I'm so happy! We were afraid you wouldn't be here!"

"We?"

The latter grinned widely at him. As he opened his mouth to reply, a voice reached them from the stairs:

"Kōtarō, we said we would go together."

Kuroo widened his eyes. He had just recognized the voice. Bokuto hadn't let go of him, so he was still crushed against his friend's chest when he saw him appear:

"Kenma?"

The latter smiled at him, amused by his reaction.

"Hi, Jiji."

"What are you..."

He fell silent again, hearing footsteps on the stairs. A third person appeared.

"Akaashi... san?"

The latter greeted him more solemnly, his expression almost completely closed off. Bokuto let out a joyous laugh, tightening his embrace. Kuroo's brain had completely short-circuited. What was happening exactly? This was sheer madness! He felt like he was in one of those ridiculous American comedies, or like in that movie... where a married woman decides to team up with her husband's mistresses to give him a hard time... The exes' revenge?

"The Other Woman," Tsukishima interjected.

"Shh!" Yamaguchi urged.

The four of them stood in the entryway for a good ten seconds.

"What... what are you doing here?" Kuroo finally managed to ask.

"We couldn't reach you."

"Oh... I broke my phone."

"Hmm... can we come in?" Kenma asked.

Kuroo nodded. Bokuto let go of him to enter, and Kuroo stepped aside from the door to let the other two in. With shaky hands, he closed the door. He made an awkward gesture to invite his visitors to sit on the carpet. The three of them sat down side by side, and Kenma returned the gesture. Kuroo sat down facing them. He looked at them, unable to think of something to say. He still couldn't believe he had all three of them in the middle of his apartment. His heart was pounding violently against his ribcage, blood circulating so fast in his veins that he could feel it pulsating under his skin, his brain so oxygenated that he felt dizzy. Kuroo was unable to process the situation properly. Akaashi had lowered his gaze, his face betraying nothing of his thoughts, Kenma seemed relaxed, and Bokuto was smiling at him with all his teeth.

"Relax, Bro!" the latter intervened in a hushed voice.

Easier said than done!

Kenma cleared his throat to catch his attention.

"Ji, let me introduce you to Bokuto Kōtarō and Akaashi Keiji."

Yes, he was aware! That didn't help him much!

Not knowing what else to do, he bowed to greet them. It was at that moment that Kenma added:

"My mates."

Kuroo almost choked on his saliva.

"But I believe you already know them."

Kuroo was interrupted from his narrative by a loud crash. He turned his head, Yamaguchi had just dropped his glass, which shattered on the floor into a thousand pieces. Kuroo scanned the room. Although he had only started telling his story to two of them, the entire CATO had ended up listening. They were all now staring at him in astonishment.

"Um..."

"And then?" Sugawara asked eagerly.

Kuroo turned his gaze in his direction. He had excitement sparkling in his eyes:

"Um... then"

Oikawa and Sugawara nodded simultaneously, eager to know what happened next.

"Then... They told me... well, Kenma said that... They realized they all knew me and that they... had a special connection with... with me..."

"And?" Sugawara was on the verge of exploding.

"And..."

Kuroo hid his face in his hands:

"And um... they asked me if... if they could um... court me, if that's what you call it, to um... potentially become um... their boyfriend."

Silence fell, heavy as two tons of lead.

"Triple kokuhaku," the silver-haired let out, his voice choked with emotion.

Once again, he had plunged the room into silence, his revelation leaving everyone speechless.

Chris was the first to regain his composure. He flashed a smile and extended his hand, palm up. Everyone around him sighed, and the blond soon found himself with a stack of cash in his hand.

"Um... what's going on?"

"Oh, come on," Yamaguchi grumbled as he placed a bill in Chris's hand, "he's the only one who bet you'd end up with all three of them."

Chris relished his victory.

"What! Wait, first of all... am I tripping or did you really bet on that?" Kuroo exclaimed.

"Yeah," they all replied in unison...

"Oh my god, I can't believe it... And secondly! I never said I was dating them!"

"What?" Oikawa protested.

Chris frowned. He closed his hand around his jackpot before anyone could take back what rightfully belonged to him.

"Are you really that surprised that I didn't automatically say yes to dating a triad?"

"Um... yes, dude! Yes!" Oikawa exclaimed. "You like all three of them, you're always blabbing about your little sad stories, and now you have a... a freaking miracle drop on your lap, and you say no!"

"A miracle, really," Kuroo commented.

"Well... it's kind of a miracle," Sugawara added more calmly.

"Yeah, I don't see how it could get any better than that," Yamaguchi concluded.

"But I... I can't do it!"

"But why? You didn't want to choose, now you don't have to! Why did you say no?!" the youngest one retorted.

Kuroo sighed. He met his friends' gaze before lowering his head again.

"Technically I didn't say no..."

"Oh?"

"But I didn't say yes either..."

Oikawa let his head fall into his hands:

"Oh my god, what did you do ?!"

"Um... I just... I just... left..."

"What?"

"They weren't at your place?" Chris asked.

"... they were."

"And you just ditched them?" Oikawa exclaimed.

"Yep."

He heard Yamaguchi and Tsukishima snicker.

"You suck, man," Oikawa concluded.

He didn't retort.

When Kuroo finally returned home several hours after fleeing like a coward, the door was locked. He quicly realized that the keys had been hidden under his doormat. He sighed, he really left in a hurry, without even taking his keys, just leaving them there, on his carpet. He opened the door: there was no one there anymore... Obviously. He closed the door and let himself slide down against it. What was he going to do now?

Only silence answered him. He sighed. Where was his proactive conscience when he needed it? His mind was nothing but a murky mush, stretched thin and desolate.

He scanned the apartment. Night had fallen, and inside, only the faint reflection of the dim streetlight outside his building prevailed. A train passed by, and silence settled again. His eyes fell on the carpet in the middle of the room. The scene he had experienced replayed in his head. He really had reacted like a child... What an idiot. But then again, what could he have possibly said to them? He sighed again.

It was at that moment that he noticed something had been placed on his carpet. He frowned and got up to check what it was. His heart skipped a beat when he saw it was a piece of paper; Kenma had left him a note:

"We've left.

Sorry for ambushing you Ji.

I hope you'll take the time to think about it.

Whatever happens, you'll still be my kuso neko no Jiji."

Kuroo let out a laugh. A weak, almost silent laugh. In the midst of all this, he had almost forgotten who he was dealing with. The more he thought about it, the more ashamed he felt for reacting this way.

He grabbed his computer, sat down on the floor, and opened Instagram. He opened the conversation with Kenma, scrolling through the latest discussions they had. His heart tightened.

"I just got back."

Sent.

He gasped in surprise when he saw that his message had been instantly read. Kenma was typing. He hesitated to close the computer and throw it across the room. Before he could even initiate the gesture, Kenma replied.

"Ok. Are you okay?"

No... Yes? He wasn't sure anymore.

"Yes."

"Kuroo... Sorry for the ambush... We shouldn't have done that."

"Sorry for reacting like that, it's lame."

"No... I understand. It's not easy to handle."

Kuroo didn't know why, but he felt like bursting into tears, releasing the pressure. Crying like tired children sometimes do.

"To tell you the truth, I did the same thing when the other two goofballs pulled the same stunt on me."

The brunet chuckled.

"Ah, so it's a tradition."

"Kind of I guess."

Kuroo sighed. He stared at the computer screen until the words became too blurry to read. He shook his head and started writing again.

"Kenma... Sorry, I can't give you... Well, I can't give you..."

God, it felt so strange.

"I can't give you an answer. Not now."

"Ok... I understand. We understand."

"I just need to... think about it."

"Alright."

They didn't exchange anything for almost a minute.

"Take your time... Whatever you choose, I hope it won't change anything between us..."

This time, Kuroo didn't hold back his tears. He remembered what Kenma had said to him during their acrobatic mission to retrieve the bracelet: "You won't lose me." Maybe he hadn't made it up after all. He smiled.

"You won't lose me, Kenma..."

The three dots indicating that the blonde was typing appeared, then disappeared again.

"You'll be my Kiki forever"

"Don't push it."

"Me? Never!"

He smiled.

"Kenma... Can you tell Bokuto and Akaashi that I'm sorry ?"

"You don't have to…"

"Still."

"Okay."

Kuroo smiled, genuinely relieved.

"Good night, Kenma."

"Good night, Jiji."

He closed his computer.

-end of the chapter-

Next chapter: "Unusual suspect."

Konoha fell silent. His eyes widened, and he looked at the picture with shock. Kenma frowned. While Kuroo wasn't unattractive, he didn't expect such a reaction!

"Uh... 'Kaashi, come see this..."

"What! No!" demanded the blond.

He tried to retrieve his phone, but Konoha backed away to prevent him from taking it back. Before he could attempt it again, Akaashi approached them. To Kenma's surprise, he had the same reaction as Konoha. Kenma sat back, watching the two young men in front of him. He didn't quite understand what was happening...

"Um, Kenma, how do you know him?" his mate finally asked.

He frowned, deeply puzzled:

"It's Jiji."

See you