A Veela Family

Chapter 8: Lost

Harry and Draco were in the kitchen, making dinner together when a house elf told them that Severus had arrived and was in the living room with Lucius. Draco looked rather desperate to go and see him, Harry was also if he were to be completely honest. But he thought he knew that right now Severus wouldn't want to be disturbed by them just yet. He needed Lucius most, and then, when he was feeling up to it, he could join them all for dinner.

"Let's give them a moment together before we disturb them," Harry said gently, "They both need it,"

"Okay," Draco pouted, and Harry smiled.

"It'll be fine. You'll see him soon," Harry said, "Let's finish dinner so that he has something nice and warm to eat, without the stress of that place hanging over him,"

Draco nodded and got back to his task of chopping the veg.

"Sev, it's okay. You're safe here. You're safe with me. I've got you. Let it out," Lucius kept saying things like that softly to his brother in all but blood as the man cried in his arms. The sight of the usually masked man crumbling in his arms tugged and twisted at Lucius' heart, and he didn't know what to do.

He didn't know how to help him.

But he wanted to helpt him. More than anything.

And it hurt that he wasn't always safe with Lucius. Sure, Lucius didn't know at the time. He didn't know that his father would hurt his friend. Although, given that his father had hurt him, many a time, he probably should have guessed. But he never, ever considered that his father would do, or want to do… what he did, what he wanted to do.

"Sev, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I put you in that situation. I am so bloody sorry that I couldn't protect you from everything," Lucius said, holding Severus closer as the other man's cries started to soften.

"It's not your fault, Luc," Severus said, his voice quiet and hoarse.

"I'm sorry anyway," Lucius said, "I should have done more to protect you, to help you, and look after you,"

Severus looked up at him, the whites of his eyes bloodshot, and his usually pale cheeks a tad red, "You did everything I let you do to help me. I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want to risk anyone knowing,"

"I know," Lucius said, his throat bobbing slightly, "But I know now, and I am not going to let anyone hurt you in any way ever again. I promise. You are safe now," he was practically growling in his determination to protect his brother.

"I know," Severus said, "Though, it's not like anyone would want to come anywhere near me," he scoffed.

"Sev, don't say things like that," Lucius said, his heart breaking, "You are the most amazing man I know, Sev. You are kind, and loving, and funny, and brave, and cunning, and smart, and creative, and so bloody strong. You… When I was a teenager, before I knew that I would definitely have a mate, before I came to think of you as a little brother, I had hoped that maybe you would be him. That you would be my mate. There wasn't anyone else I liked, trusted, cared about. Then you turned 17 and nothing changed. The dreams didn't start. And I was worried, until Draco's birth, that I wouldn't ever find a mate, because if you weren't him then who possibly could be? Although that question plagued me all the time until the dreams started. Because you were the only person I connected with, the only one who felt right in my life, other than Draco, so how could you not be him? But I only really started feeling like maybe you were just like a brother to me after Draco's birth, although it took me a little while. It was a very confusing time, I must say. Maybe brother isn't even the right way to describe things, but, I love you. I needed a way to quantify that, and, well, I didn't know how, so I settled on brother, because I felt that was the best I could do. I know that I am not the only one who can love you. I am sure you will find someone who will treat you right and you can have babies with if you want to, and only if you want to. I swear if anyone uses you they will be burned to the ground," Lucius said.

"You wanted me to be your mate?" Severus whispered, bewildered.

"Of course," Lucius said with a smile, "You were the only one I wanted near me. The only person I liked, trusted, cared for. The only person. And if it was to be someone around my age, then if it wasn't you I didn't want it to be anyone else. I love Harry so bloody much. He is perfect for me. He is everything. And I am glad he is my mate. But he doesn't feel all that different to you. You have similar magics about you, you have both been hurt in too many ways, you both are so similar that it hardly feels different. More magical perhaps, because of the veela magics bonding Harry and I, but in terms of everything else, I love you both so bloody much. I'm not really very good at explaining feelings, but I love you. Whether as a friend, as a brother, as a member of my family, as one of my important people, as whatever really. I love you,"

"Does Harry know you wanted me to be your mate?" Severus said, worried.

"Yes, actually. We talked about it in great depth. He understands. You were the one person for me at the time. I couldn't trust anyone else enough to want them to be my mate, the mother of my children. Don't worry, though, he doesn't hate you or anything. In fact he has wanted to thank you for looking after Draco and I whilst he couldn't be with us. And to look after you, and for you to come back to us. To our family. The family of the four of us. He has been going practically crazy worrying over you, and making sure the place is ready for you to come home," Lucius said with a fond grin, "In fact, I am rather surprised that he and Draco didn't come up from the kitchen the second they heard you were home,"

"That would be because I wanted to give you two a moment alone. I didn't want to overwhelm Sev when I didn't know what state he would be in," Harry said from the doorway, a smile on his face as he looked at the two of them, "Hello, Sev, are you okay? Do you need anything?" he added, clearly worried.

"I-I'm fine. Or I will be," Severus said, standing up and moving away from Lucius, making his way over to Harry, checking him over to make sure that he was alright.

"I'm fine, too," Harry said with a knowing smile, "Or I will be. Dinner's ready if you two want to follow me to the family dining room,"

"Actually, can I talk to you for a moment, Harry?" Severus said.

"Of course," Harry said.

Lucius smiled at them both, and placed a gentle kiss on Harry's lips before heading off to the family dining room.

"How have you been, Sev?" Harry asked softly.

"A bit lost, really, but surviving," Severus muttered.

"Understandable," Harry said with a gentle smile, and warm green eyes.

"You're really okay with knowing that Lucius used to want me to be his mate?" Severus whispered disbelievingly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Harry asked, confused.

"I… I mean it's me. Why? Why me? And why would you be okay knowing something like that about your mate? That he wanted someone else? Especially me?" Severus felt so bloody lost, and confused, and well, too much.

He felt too much.

Too much that he didn't want to feel.

"Severus, we don't get to choose who we love. And we don't get to choose why we love them. How we love them. He loves you because you are safe, you are kind, caring, loving, brave, smart, funny, creative, cunning, and all the things that people love about people. You are also beautiful. When people think about what they want from life, what they need, and they find that in a person, they love that person. You were his home, you are his home. You have always been family to him. You are the one person he could love and trust freely, completely, it is only natural for him to then want you to be his mate, the mother of his children. He wouldn't want someone he couldn't trust to spend the rest of his life with. And I am glad that he and Draco had you, still have you. I am glad that you are part of our family, and that you have always been. I am glad that you and Lucius could be what you both needed for each other. And I am rather confused as to why the magic didn't deem you his mate and chose me instead for him, for Draco. I feel rather inqdeuate when compared to you, and everything you do, and are capable of. But nonetheless, thank you. Thank you for looking after them. We love you. I love you. And I hope that you can see that, and accept it, and not leave us for nearly a month again, worrying about you. I know and understand that you needed space, but you can be yourself with us, and we aren't going to think less of you for anything you experienced. I hope you know that," Harry said.

"You are a lot better than I, Harry," Severus said.

"To some people, maybe. But they are all idiots if they can't see how wonderful you are," Harry said with an honest, almost beaming smile on his face, "And based on my experience in the wizarding world so far, most people are idiots. Or worse. But it's cool. At least the four of us have each other. That is all that matters. We don't need anyone else so long as we are together. Well, maybe some more little ones running around, and if you find someone you would like to be with, then they will be part of our family too, but," he shrugged, trailing off.

Severus raised an eyebrow at him, anxiety filling his heart, "You're not pregnant already, are you?" he asked, concerned, and more than a little fearful considering he would have to temporarily die to remove the bloody soul piece.

"Oh, no," Harry said, shaking his head as a blush lit up his cheeks, "We haven't… not yet. But… One day, you know? When the war is over, and we are all safe, you included, I would like to have some pups,"

Severus tried very hard to hide his sigh of relief, he really did, "Good. Because… there's a lot I need to tell you all,"

"Right," Harry nodded, "Let's go eat dinner then and you can tell us all about it. Do you need anything?" he fussed, looking Severus up and down.

"Not right now," Severus said, his lips twitching up.

"Okay, but if that changes, please do let me know," Harry said, concerned.

"I'll try," Severus said.

They walked side by side on their way to the family dining room, where Draco and Lucius were sitting, talking quietly as they waited for them, though neither had moved to touch any of the food on the platters in the centre yet. Draco beamed as soon as he saw Severus and Severus smiled at him in return, running a hand through the blonde hair before taking a seat in the chair next to him, Harry took the seat opposite Draco and smiled at everyone before they all began to dig into the succulent roast before them.

And when they were done Severus told them everything he could about, well, about Hogwarts and what she had to say. Both to him, and what she was saying to the school, in a quiet little voice in his mind. And, somehow, they weathered the storm that was Lucius when Harry's temporary death was mentioned.

Surely, with Hogwarts being the one to do it, they were in safe hands, right?

Severus felt rather lost as he sat on the edge of his bed, his hands clinging to the sheets underneath them for some sense of… grounding. Life was just… too much. Far too much. And he didn't know what to do. How to think. How to feel.

Because, Merlin, he used to want to be Lucius' mate too.

He sighed, thinking about the time when he used to want that. When he used to think that he would be safe, happy even, if only that something had happened for him. They could have run away. They could have protected each other. They could have been okay.

And then the dreams didn't start, and nothing happened, and he knew he was destined to not be safe. To not be happy.

To not be free.

And then Draco was born, and he knew from what Lucius was telling him that the other man would be. That he would have someone. That he would be okay. And despite the tiny part of him that had been jealous of that, of whoever would have that safety, that warmth, that love, he was happy for them, for Lucius.

He'd never felt like he deserved those things anyway. But Lucius did, and Harry does too.

But, fuck, he was so… lost. Overwhelmed. Confused.

He just wanted to… breathe. To be free. To be okay. Safe. Happy.

And yet he didn't think those things would ever come. Not for him.

Never for him.

Hiya, how are you all today?

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and the surprise of the new headmaster ;) Feel free to let me know your thoughts on everything that has happened so far and where you think the story is going, etc. or for things you might like to see as the story progresses. Even if it is just something small.

Also, I have Tumblr now. My username is marauderingpaige if you want to go and give me a follow over there. I also have one more focussed on personal life and writing, username is paigemakepeacewrites. And I have a Discord server, too, a new one! If you would like the link then feel free to drop me an email (my address can be found on my profile) or message me on social media, or join my Facebook group, and I will happily share it with you.

I have also now started writing a fanfiction for House M.D. It is an omega verse fic with House as the omega and Wilson as the alpha. If you love the show as much as I do then feel free to go and check it out. It is called Lights Will Guide You Home.

Also, I am working on some Spotify playlists for my fanfics, so if you can think of any songs you think work with the stories as they are so far, or where you think they are going, or songs that give you the vibes you get from the stories, then please do let me know and I will give them a listen, then potentially add them to the playlists. If you would like to go and give them a listen as they are now then you can find me on Spotify under the name Maraudering_Paige. They aren't that long at the moment, but we are making progress and I will continue adding to them the more music I listen to and when I have the time to do so. But still, if you can think of any relevant songs then do let me know.

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Paige xx