I kicked off the pair of heels that had been killing my feet the entire day whilst being in the office, pissing me off even more as I marched around firing orders at my employees and trying to keep myself from making multiple people jobless, or just insulting their idiotic incompetency. I groaned out loud at the dark quietness of the house; I hated going into the office.
The days of me actually going into the office were rare, and I knew that I should be thankful that I could work almost entirely from home, but in reality that just made it slighter more difficult to hide how much I hated it on the days that I did have to go into work. I hated not being in the comfort of my own home-work environment and I hated not being part of the everyday family routines that have been established for the past three years, the routines that I love so much.
As I made a straight bee-line to the stairs to go up to the bedroom, rolling my eyes with a smile at the few toys left scattering the hallway, I gave myself a mental reminder that I could survive the one rare day at the office if it meant that I could spend the rest of my days with the two people that meant the most to me, my family.
A beaming smile instantly took over my face, and I could feel my dimples on full display, at the sight of my beautiful wife lay with our daughter held securely in her arms on the bed. "God, you're both so fucking cute!" I whispered to myself with a content sigh, dropping my shoulders and feeling all of the built up tension from the day leave my body.
Approaching the bed quietly, I leaned down to give them both the most delicate of kisses to their foreheads, sucking in my breath as I pulled away to find a pair of deep blue eyes looking back at me.
She smiled softly, "hey baby."
I giggled at her sleepy voice and lifted my hand to stroke her cheek, "you look so cute right now."
"You know it…hmm, what time is it?" She mumbled, glancing down at the still sleeping girl and beginning to slowly detangle herself, "I must have fell asleep when I put her down."
"Just a little after 9 babe. I'm sorry I'm back so late, turns out, everyone is still as clueless as ever, so I had to do my usual threaten and scare tactic and make them screw their heads on but even that was useless…" I ranted, a small guilty pout subconsciously forming on my lips.
She just giggled and shook her head as she pulled me out of our daughters room and to our bedroom, "San, you know, that's probably because your threaten and scare tactic became less believable three years ago when they heard you baby talk for the first time." My eyes snapped to hers and I glared at her playfully as she nudged her shoulder with mine. I shrugged my shoulders, because as much as I hate to admit, she was probably right. "You're doing that thing again where you're too hard on yourself. The firm is doing incredible, you've had a record number of wins and Quinn knows what she's doing. You didn't put her in charge for nothing."
"I know, Britt-Britt, I'm sorry. You know I hate going in there and would much rather be here to do our things, especially when I have to miss putting Kai to bed, she's gonna be so pissed at me tomorrow," I groaned at the thought as I started changing out of my work clothes.
Brittany wrapped her arms around me from behind and stilled my movements when I was left in my bra and panties, her lips moving to pepper feather light kisses to my neck and jawline. My body naturally melted against her and my eyes fluttered closed, no matter how many times I felt her kisses on my skin, they still burned the same way the first ones did.
My head instinctively fell to the side, exposing more skin for her to appreciate and kiss. "She was fine babe, stop worrying… let's go take a bath together and we can have a family day tomorrow."
I turned around in her arms and gave her a soft peck, my fingers trailing up her arms to rub gently at her forearms. "You always know how to make me feel better, but I know that baths also make you feel better too and you're definitely going to need one after I tell you this," my words sped up faster with each one that fell from my lips, until they were kind of jumbling together towards the end and Brittany was pulling away and raising a curious eyebrows.
She dropped her arms and I chuckled nervously under her pointed stare, looking away from her and heading into the bathroom. Only for her to grab my waist and spin my back around.
"Spill it, what's got your panties in a twist?" Brittany looked at me with a knowing expecting look, she wholeheartedly knew that I could not spill.
"Soooo…" I began nervously and Brittany slapped my arm, "Fine. So, Quinn and I spent the entire day today working everybody to the bone and preparing them for this next case. It's our most important one yet and we have to win, so we were grilling everyone and they were just so annoyingly unprepared that it became exhausting and-"
"Santana, get to the point!" She whined.
"Don't call me that!" I retaliated immediately, completely stopping my off topic ramblings.
"San, just come on, it can't be that bad!"
I stopped for a moment, contemplating if it was actually that bad, and realising that it was probably a whole lot worse.
It had been a whole seven years, we have both changed and our lives have both changed in those seven years, but I am almost one hundred percent certain that Rachel fucking Berry would still be just as insufferable as she was those seven years ago.
So, yes, I do think it was that bad!
"Britt, no, it's worse!" I panicked, beginning to pace back and forth in our bathroom. "Quinn and I escaped to my office for twenty minutes after our ninetieth pointless schooling, and she decided to inform me of an upcoming gathering."
"A gathering, what does that even mean? You're this stressed out over a gathering?" Brittany laughed but when I glared at her between taking fast-paced steps, she quickly stopped. "You've still not told me!" She accused.
My eyes snapped back to the floor. "Turns out it's a glee club gathering, well more like a god-awful reunion, because they all haven't had one for the past three years or something. I couldn't think of anything worse than having to expose our poor daughter to that! We agreed to protect her!"
Brittany's blue eyes widened, "I wonder why she brought it up, she must want us to go."
I stopped my pacing and gave her a look, "I know, that's why I'm stressing!"
Brittany frowned too, and I felt bad for coming home from work and straight dumping this on her, but it had been weighing on my mind for the past few hours and she could always read me so well.
"Q has mentioned them to us once before, and that was the day Kaiya was born, before she even knew what happened. This must be important for her or something, what else did she say?" Brittany spoke quietly, but the possibilities in my head swirling around at the same time made the questions so much louder.
Because what really could be so important?
"She just said they are having a reunion. Apparently it's been a while since they've had one, but I was already caught off guard at her mentioning them that I wasn't really listening that much." Brittany sighed and kissed my cheeky softly, her fingers cupping my chin gently and lifting my head to meet her eyes. With just a one second glance into those familiar pools of ocean blue, the built up anxiety from the whole day began to settle.
"What do you want to do?" She asked me, "I can see if I can get some more information from Quinn about it, but if you really don't want us to go then we won't. It's a big risk us going there, assuming that it will be in Lima, so I get why you're feeling scared about this but if you're really thinking about it then I'm with you as always."
This is why Brittany and I work so well together. She somehow knew how to calm all of my raging storms with such ease, which always brought me so much comfort. Brittany knew exactly what words I needed to hear and when to say them, without me even sometimes knowing I needed it.
Releasing a shaky breath, I nodded and brought her into a short but tight hug. "Love you" I whispered and she giggled, "I don't really know how to feel about it. It's all so different now that we have Kai to think about, too. Can we talk to Quinn and see what the deal is before we decide?"
Brittany nodded, and slapped my ass lightly, "you bet, wifey! Now, let's stop thinking about this depressing stuff and get naked! I want to get our bath time sweet lady kisses on!"
I grinned and pecked her lips quickly before Brittany pulled away to prepare the bath.
Having Brittany with me, it might not even be that bad…
"So what's the deal with this glee-club situation, Quinnie?"
"Straight to the point, I guess!" Quinn rolled her eyes at Brittany as she flopped down onto the couch beside Brittany and I the next day.
"We don't like to beat around the bullshit, and if you roll your eyes at my wife again I'll poke them out with a fork," I said to her, "Now, what is so important that you had to share this awful news with us?"
"San, be nice!" Brittany scolded me, and I huffed at her. She just looked at Quinn quickly and back to me, and I knew that look in her eyes and crossed my arms across my chest defensively at seeing it. "Sorry Quinn, San's just super stressed because of this whole situation and you know her stress comes out in meanness."
"No it doesn't!" I defended myself, and Quinn snickered when Brittany just rose her eyebrows at me. "Okay, fine, maybe it does! That doesn't make the news any less awful though."
The room suddenly grew quiet at the harsh truth of the words and they seemed to echo as the silence grew longer. Brittany's pinky finger had subconsciously linked with mine and I could feel the warmth leaving her fingertip and spreading to mine as she squeezed it.
Brittany's touch was something that could tell me what I needed to hear when she couldn't with words, and I have always been so receptive to that. We have always used our bodies to communicate, our eyes have silent conversations and we fit together so perfectly; that had been our very first love language as our relationship grew past friendship. With everything unspoken, we naturally formed the ability to use a simple touch or a long but warm stare replacing words and saying everything that we couldn't.
"I'm sorry for bringing it up so casually. I didn't mean to make you feel anxious but I couldn't find the right way to approach it," Quinn finally spoke, her rarely softened hazel eyes looking between Brittany and I. "It's such an unspoken topic but I know there's still love there, that's why it hurts so much to talk about it, and I know that they are important to you both, or at least they were at some point during high school."
That was also true.
Brittany and I have created a new life since then, one that is amazing and beautiful, one that we are so proud of, and going back now shouldn't seem as scary as it actually did.
"Has something happened? Why bring this up now? Quinn it's been seven years, that's a long time!" Brittany asked the questioned we both were thinking, because why has it taken this long?
"No, I mean, nothing bad has happened. I got the email from Rachel at the start of the week and when she sent it, I immediately thought back to my favourite glee club memories! It's been years since our last get together!" Quinn started talking and Brittany and I went back to our silence, "and do you know who was with me the most in my favourite memories? And probably in my least favourite memories too? You guys. My two best friends."
Quinn was right, I wouldn't admit it to her, but she was always right.
"Despite what happened, we all used to be family. Now, it's rare we all see each other but even when we do it never really feels complete because not everybody is there." I bit my lip, and Brittany glanced at me and I gave her a subtle questioning look as Quinn just spoke at us. "You didn't let me tell them last time that that you contacted me, but I think this is something that needs to be addressed. You two clearly have some bridges to build and I promise it won't be as scary when you cross them."
"What if I see them?" I mumbled, the source of the actual issue at hand tumbling to light.
Brittany's locked pinky dropped from mine and her arm slid down to pull my body onto her lap. "Baby, these what ifs have controlled you for so long now, even if we did see them, they can't do anything. You'll still have me and Kai."
I nodded, "I know, baby, but what if they do something when we have Kai with us or do something to Kai?"
"Again with the what ifs?" Brittany laughed, then turned more serious as my gaze lowered. She brought my face back up to look at her and leaned in to softly capture my lips in a kiss, a warm bring me back down to Earth kiss. "They'll have to get through me before thinking of doing anything to you or Kai, I throw a mean punch when I need to."
"I'm sure they remember!" I giggled at the memory and her sun-kissed freckled cheeks began turning pink when I kissed it softly. "Look, this isn't me agreeing, but part of me does still have a weird soft spot for those talentless annoying losers, I'm just stubborn and it's hard to admit my own bad choices in all of this too."
"Wait, what?" Quinn looked at me in disbelief.
"Just because we didn't speak to you about glee club or what happened, doesn't mean Sanny and I didn't talk about it."
"Britt!" I blushed at the nickname that I only let her call me in private, my cheeks instantly heating up when Quinn sniggered in amusement. I glared at her and Brittany just shrugged, "but she's right. She's my wife, of course we talk about this. A lot at first actually, and then we talked about it a lot when I first called you again, and sometimes when we get reminders of someone or something. That bond was never lost on us, it was just difficult to keep up with while we needed to start fresh, and they didn't make that effort to really help when it mattered. I was hurt and needed to process, but then life happened and making amends with glee club wasn't something at the top of my to-do list anymore."
"I get that. Shit, Lopez, this is the most I've ever heard you speak about this since." Quinn gave me a soft smile and I could see the proud look twinkling in her eyes without her actually saying it.
"I'm a mom and a wife, I've got bigger priorities to holding grudges from my teenage years- especially meaningless ones. I needed somebody to blame for what happened, and instead of blaming the actual people I needed to blame, I blamed them and that wasn't cool."
"You're so sexy when you're all emotionally mature, San, god!" Brittany spoke dreamily, her head tilting to the side as her beaming smile widened.
I blushed at her words, rolling my eyes to hide how her comment made me more confident with how this conversation was heading.
Agreeing to go to this boring-ass reunion was the last thing she planned on doing when Quinn invited herself over to gate-crash family day.
But here I was, getting closer to the decision that Brittany and Quinn were gently coaxing out of me.
Would admitting my re-directed anger at the glee club and risk seeing the two people that caused all of this be worth finally putting this whole mess behind me?
"Mama! Mama!" The tense atmosphere suddenly evaporated when a small naked body appeared in front of us, curly brunette locks bobbling up and down as she bounced on her toes and her eyes excitedly looked up at me.
"Hi baby, where's your clothes?" I asked her, pulling her onto my lap so that we were both cuddled into Brittany.
"Took 'em off. Didn't wanna wear them anymore!" She giggled matter of factly and Brittany chuckled at her, "you and mommy never wear clothes in bed!"
Brittany's chuckle turned into a full on laugh and I elbowed her quickly to shut her up whilst Quinn's hand flew to her mouth to hide her amusement. "She's going through Britt's streaking phase a bit earlier than we thought she would" I mumbled in explanation to Quinn, who just held her hands up defensively and smirked at me.
"Kaiya, you gotta wear clothes baby," I began to reason with the three year old staring back at me, "You're not in bed anymore, me and mommy don't walk around the whole house naked."
Brittany lifted her hand for a high-five, "excellent response babe!"
"Thanks" I grinned, then looked back down at our pouting daughter. That look she whole-heartedly inherited from Brittany, even though I was the one who carried her. But between the pout and those identical blue cat-like eyes, which we hoped was the only thing Kaiya received from her donor, she reminded me so much of my wife. I groaned, "don't look at me like that missy. Come on, let's go get you dressed and we can make some sandwiches for lunch!"
Kaiya nodded and wrapped her arms around my neck as I stood up. I glanced back down at the two women on the couch, "I guess the idea doesn't seem that bad, can't live with what ifs forever can we?"
Brittany and Quinn beamed at me and I winked, turning with Kai to go and get her re-dressed, and hoping that I don't regret the decision. I looked down at Kai and smiled,
"You wanna go on a trip, baby?"
Three years ago
Brittany brushed my hair out of my face, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I weakly smiled back at her. Our daughter securely snuggled into her chest, her safe arrival causing a wave of peacefulness to overtake the hospital room as she slept against her mommy for the first time.
This moment was something I only ever thought was possible in my dreams. I remember being back in high school, when Brittany and I were still hiding, and daydreaming about what our future child would look like.
But looking at my wife and daughter, this moment was beyond anything I could have imagined.
Because in this moment, I experienced all of the feelings with it. My whole body was tingly and warm and even though I was exhausted, my eyes couldn't seem to close and I wanted to cherish finally living my moment with them.
"You did so well, San, I'm so proud of you." Brittany spoke softly, trying not to disturb the new arrival in her arms. She looked up at me dreamily, her eyes pooling with tears, "she's so beautiful, she looks so much like you. I can't believe she's finally here."
"Me too babe, she was getting too comfortable in there I thought she was never gonna come out!" I groaned tiredly when trying to move slowly and adjust my body into a more comfortable position on the bed.
Brittany laughed at me quietly, "San, she only came one day late. Some people have to go a whole two weeks late! We got it lucky."
I winced a little at the thought, because as much as I loved being pregnant, I definitely got over it towards the end and I just wanted her here. "My vagina doesn't think it's lucky right now. Britt I feel as though she clawed her way out of there!"
"Get some sleep baby, I'll wake you up when she needs feeding." I nodded at her, and tried to lean over to delicately kiss my daughter's head before snuggling back into the bed and closing my eyes, giving in to the well needed sleep.
A few hours later…
"Hey mama!" Brittany's voice cooed as I opened my eyes from what I could only describe as the best sleep I've had in my whole twenty-two years of life.
I blinked away the tiredness as my eyes cleared and she came into view holding Kaiya up in front of me. A bashful smile instantly formed on my lips and I lifted my arms for the tiny bundle, holding her close to my chest. As I looked down at her, I gasped when she looked up at me, "Britt… her eyes!"
Staring at me, we're cat-like ocean blue eyes, seemingly identical to Brittany's.
Brittany grinned at me, "I know, just like we wanted. They're pretty aren't they?"
"Just like yours!" I agreed and puckered my lips at her. She bent down and kissed me carefully, not to squash our daughter between us. "I love you so much, Britt-Britt, we've finally got what we always wanted. Come lay with us."
I patted at the space on the hospital bed beside me and wiggled over a little to make some more room for Brittany to join us.
Brittany wasted no time, climbing into the bed carefully and I leaned into her side, both of us adoringly staring at our sleeping daughter.
"She's even cuter than I thought she would be, it's like looking at a mini-us." Brittany giggled and lifted her finger to trace across Kaiya's chubby cheek. The baby in my arms scrunched up her nose in response to the light touch and I snickered in amusement, "just as sassy as you already."
"We need to call her," I whispered, my eyes lifting from Kaiya to look at Brittany. She sucked in a quick breath and nodded in agreement.
Looking down at Kaiya, I knew that I wanted her childhood to be nothing like mine; wondering why her mami was never home and always working. I made a subconscious, unspoken promise to my daughter, to always be there and that wasn't possible when I had so many responsibilities at the firm. I needed the help, and Brittany and I had discussed and agreed with the only person we knew could help us, the only other person that we trusted and could take on this responsibility.
Despite the serenity of the room, a sudden shift was noticed by both of us and Brittany was the first to pull out her phone. "Let's hope she still has the same number…"
She dialled the number that used to be second nature for us to call in high school and put the phone on speaker, but turning the volume down slightly so not to scare Kaiya who was falling back to sleep in my arms.
Three rings.
That's all it took, and a confused "hello?" echoed loudly in the otherwise silent room.
My heart began hammering. Although we knew this was the right decision, that it was time for me to pass the overseeing duties of the firm to somebody else so that we would have more time as a family and to adjust to life as parents, that didn't make it any easier.
"Quinn…" I breathed out, the familiar voice momentarily making me freeze, before Brittany used her free hand that wasn't holding the phone to trace patterns on my thigh, soothing me and bringing me out of my daze.
"Santana?" She asked in shock, "is that you?"
"It's us, Q, we need your help. Are you alone?" Brittany responded and we could hear shuffling on the other side of the phone for a few seconds.
"Brittany? What the hell, it's been almost four fucking years!" She hissed, "do you have any idea how worried I've been? How worried we've all been? Figures you two are still together!"
Despite her harsh tone, I couldn't help but smile at her last statement and glanced at Brittany with a grin on my face. Quinn was the only person that we allowed so close to our relationship, and it was comforting in a sense to know that she believed we would make it together.
"Look Quinn, we can explain everything. Just listen first?" I asked her, and she hummed to indicate that she was listening. "A lot happened, we couldn't stay in Lima. But that's not why we're calling now. I actually have an offer that could help us both. Did you finish that Law degree?"
"Of course I did, you know I always wanted to be a lawyer. We always planned to be lawyers together."
I frowned at the reminder, a spark of guilt swirling in my mind at the knowledge that I took that possibility away from both of us. Brittany must have sensed it too, because she brought her arm around me to pull me closer into her.
"I know, I'm sorry… but that's actually why we're calling. I have my own firm in Florida, where we live, and I need somebody to take over and be in charge, I have to take a step back for a while and I'm looking to work from home mostly when I can return. The only person I know that can manage a firm so big and so known is you." Brittany was nodding encouragingly at me as I spoke and the other line was deathly quiet, that I almost thought Quinn had hung up on us.
"Why do you need to step dow-" As if on cue, Quinn's question got interrupted by Kaiya beginning to fuss in my arms.
Her soft cries filled the room as Quinn stopped talking and my full attention turned to the baby. I began rocking her gently in my arms to soothe her, and adjusted my top to be able to feed her. "Mama's here baby, shhh, we got you."
"Mama? You guys have a baby? What the fuck?" Quinn spoke with disbelief and I could practically hear all of the questions that were in her head.
"As of about 8 hours ago, yes we do!" Brittany laughed, "but that's why we need your help. San needs time to recover and she can't do that fully without leaving the company in trusting hands. We trust you, Q."
"So let me get this straight…" I could picture Quinn's frown and rolled my eyes a little. "You guys thought I would just drop everything and come to Florida to run your company for you so that you can be at home and look after your child, after basically disappearing without a trace for four years and not contacting anybody?"
"Pretty much!" I agreed, "but we can explain more about everything else if you agree. We can get you a flight here and you can stay with us until you can find somewhere to live."
"Okay."
Brittany's blue eyes widened with shock, "okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Once the unholy trinity, always the unholy trinity. Text me details. I gotta go, glee club reunion and everyone's probably wondering why I've locked myself in Rachel's bathroom."
"Please don't mention this to them, don't mention anything to them Quinn!" I warned her in a panic, suddenly beginning to freak out that the glee club were going to find out where we were. If they were to find out where we are, surely one of them would most likely tell the people we had been avoiding like the plague for the past four years.
I couldn't have that, we couldn't have that, not when we had Kaiya to protect now.
"I can't tell them I've spoken to you? San, they are just as worried as I was!" Quinn whispered.
"They weren't that worried four years ago!" I snapped and Brittany shook her head subtly, her eyes dropping to Kaiya and I took a deep breath to calm myself down, handing her to Brittany carefully to wind her as she finished feeding, and taking the phone from her hands. "Look, we'll explain everything when you're here. When can you leave?"
"Saturday. I have to clear up a few things. Look, I won't say anything to them but think about it. I gotta go, I'll see you guys soon."
With that the line went dead and I looked up to Brittany with a small smile.
"Well, that went better than I thought!"
Arriving back in Lima brought back a gust of nostalgia, but now, things were different.
Instead of my hand laced with Brittany's, both of our opposite pinky's were linked with our daughters, who was walking between us.
The anxiety that Brittany and I felt walking through the airport to leave Lima seven years ago was replaced by a satisfactory feeling as we walked back through the same airport now, knowing that we made the right decision, because all of those worries of us doing the wrong thing were gone entirely the moment we landed in Florida.
"Mommy I'm sleepy!" Kaiya whined, dropping my pinky and lifting her arms up to Brittany. My wife, of course, wasted no time in bending down to scoop up our giggling daughter, who snuggled her head into Brittany's neck. "Thank you mommy, love you" she whispered sleepily, her eyes growing heavy from the excitement of the day finally wearing her out, and I watched my two favourite girls with adoration.
"She loves falling asleep on you," I smiled, rubbing Kaiya's back soothingly as she fell into a slumber.
"Just like you," Brittany laughed, nudging her hip into mine. I rolled my eyes but didn't deny her words, because they were in fact the truth. Falling asleep in Brittany's arms had always made me feel the safest and always gave me the best sleeps, so it wasn't a surprise that our daughter had inherited that trait from me also.
Quinn decided to make her presence known, seeming to have finally having located the car that she had hired for us, as she called our names and waved us to her. I grabbed the other suitcase that was in Brittany's free hand before picking Kaiya up, and the three of us headed to the car.
Quinn helped me load the suitcases into the trunk while Brittany strapped a sleeping Kaiya into the car seat in the back, moving her carefully to not wake her. Another trait Kaiya had also inherited from me, is her hatred for interrupted sleep.
As kind and innocent as she is, and has many personality aspects from Brittany, Kaiya did come from me.
Just imagine a toddler version of Snix.
Kaiya mumbled and all three of us froze, holding our breaths, until she just leaned her head against the side of the car seat and snuggled further into the blanket Brittany had covered her with and we all sighed in relief.
It was late, and we had been travelling with a three year old all day. We were exhausted and cranky, and I know that I just wanted to curl into bed and call it a night. I needed some sleep in the arms of my wife to prepare and settle me for tomorrow.
The more I think about it, and the closer we got to arriving at the Pierce's, the realisation was starting to kick in. We passed places that were once so familiar, some that I had even forgotten about in the years, memories of Brittany and I, our friends, and our families all flashed in my mind. My breathing picked up, as I sat in the backseat of the car next to Brittany and Kaiya, looking around at a place that was so familiar at one point my life but it now just all felt so foreign and so wrong.
I darted my tongue out to lick my lips when I tried to swallow and finally felt how dry my throat and lips had become, and the dizziness swirled around making it hard to focus out of the window.
"Sanny?" Brittany's voice sounded whispered even though she was sitting right beside me, and my head instantly turned to the sound. I blinked my eyes rapidly when I noticed her blurry form and it was then that I realised, I was crying. "Baby, come here, breathe. It's all going to be okay, you're safe, I'm safe and Kai is safe."
I nodded, trying to focus on her words and how she had cupped my cheeks with her hands, using her fingertips to brush my bangs out of my face. "I'm scared, Britt. What if I can't protect you?"
"Santana, you've protected me since the first day we met in second grade when you shoved Nicky over for snapping all of my crayons and making me cry!" She giggled, her thumbs brushing gentle circles on my cheeks to wipe away my tears, my head going heavy in her hands as I leaned into her touch more and more for comfort.
I laughed at her and the memory. "He was an asshole. He deserved it."
Brittany nodded in agreement, "that's exactly what you said back then too, even at seven years old."
"Well worth the trouble. I'd do all again, just to make you feel better," I admitted with a small smile, looking into her eyes and feeling all of the love we have felt between us since that day we first met, a love that has been bonded between us for almost twenty years and only seems to grow stronger.
"You did, S, everyday since. Remember your list back in high school which was really just a list of people that hurt Britt and you needed to make pay!" Quinn was laughing in the front seat and I blushed, but rolled my eyes when I could see Brittany's beaming smile next to me. "God, you've always been whipped as fuck come to think of it."
"Whatever, Quinn, I love my wife!" I tried to defend myself, which only made Quinn laugh harder.
"Quinn stop teasing my wife!" Brittany laughed and then turned to me, "I love you too, don't listen to her, and I also love how whipped you are." Brittany quickly pressed her lips into mine, taking the words out my mouth and replacing them with a kiss instead.
Deciding that there was absolutely no point in trying to argue my non-existent defence case against them, I just shrugged and deepened the kiss as best as I could in the cramped backseat of the car beside our daughters car seat.
Brittany hummed as my lips moved against hers with such a precise expertise, like it was second nature for us, and I smiled because Brittany humming into our kisses was one of my favourite things about them.
She began to open her lips and I could feel her tongue begin to seek that familiar warmth against mine, but Quinn groaned loudly, "you two are seriously back there making out next to your sleeping child!"
"She's asleep!" Brittany replies with a shrug and I nod in agreement, because Kaiya is definitely still sleeping. "I'll kiss my smoking hot wife whenever I want to kiss her," she added.
"Whatever, sluts, we're here. Now get out, I'm tired and want to get home. Busy day tomorrow!" Quinn pulled the car to a stop in front of the house we had both once called home.
Brittany and I smiled at the instantly warmth the house brought to both of them, even just from looking at the familiarity of it for the first time after so many years away.
I looked at my wife and offered her a small smile, "you ready babe?"
Brittany nodded, "let's do this."
As the morning passed by and the minutes ticked closer to the time of the reunion, the nerves started to appear again.
The promise I made to myself when I was a teenager to be brave for Brittany was ringing in my ears and my mind repeatedly, my hands shaking as fiddled them together while I paced the bedroom floor. I couldn't break the promise, I had to be brave and face these fears finally.
For seven years, Brittany and I have lived with this constant feeling of fear from the past, and it was time to let it go. As I thought about Kaiya and Brittany, I realised that I would suffer anything if it meant I could have them.
"Mama why do you keep walking so much?" Kai had asked me, putting a pause to my pacing and making me stop to look at her as she appeared in front of me.
I chuckled at her as she tilted her head and stared at me with her big blue eyes, "because mama is thinking a lot and I walk when I think."
Kai frowned but giggled, "that's a bit silly mama!"
I nodded in agreement and crouched down in front of her, tickling her stomach and making her giggles turn into laugher. "I know, mommy tells me that all of the time, too!"
"And mommy is always right!" She told me and I rolled my eyes playfully, because even our daughter knows just how well Brittany could read me.
"You know it!" I grinned, "where is mommy?"
"Making her hair look pretty! She looks like a princess!" Kaiya told me, a beaming smile on her face and her blue eyes shining with adoration as she spoke about her mommy.
My heart thudded in my chest at her cuteness, "she always looks pretty, doesn't she? Just like you!"
Kaiya giggled, "and you do too, mama! You are the prettiest in the world!"
She said it with such belief that I fought the urge to tear up at her innocent comment, and kissed her cheeks. "I think that's you!" I told her, and picked her up, walking us out of the bedroom in search for my wife as I took a quick glance to the clock on Brittany's bedside table.
Even though we hadn't been back to Lima since everything happened seven years ago, the room was the exact same as how we left it.
As I got to the bathroom, I smiled widely seeing my wife looking just as beautiful as Kai said, she was sat on the floor in front of the mirror straightening her hair. "You're so beautiful, Britt," I told her, putting Kai down and watching as she immediately settled herself into Brittany's lap. "Careful baby, it's hot!" I told her as Brittany continued to skilfully straighten her hair with our three year old bouncing on her knee.
"You look beautiful too, babe. I'm almost done and then we can head out." Brittany paused, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror. "How you feeling?"
"Mama was walking!" Kai shouted through giggles and Brittany raised her brows. "Mama said you call her silly when she walks!"
Brittany laughed, "mama is very silly isn't she?" Kai nodded quickly, smiling widely at us, so her dimples appeared on her cheeks. "I love your Santana smile!" Brittany gushed, kissing the top of Kai's head, "she looks exactly like you when she smiles like that, it's crazy. Wanna tell me why you've been walking so much?"
Two pairs of blue eyes stared at me through the mirror, and I melted instantly.
Who would have thought the Santana in high school who never spoke about feelings would now speak about feelings so much? Definitely not me.
Brittany had always given me a comfort to express my true emotions, even when I was fighting myself with feeling them. She had given me that safe space to feel anything and learn to be okay with it, and I definitely wouldn't be as emotionally aware as I am now without having her there to guide me to being my whole authentic self, unapologetically.
"I'm just nervous. What if they kick us out and don't even want us there?" I asked her, frowning a little. "We don't know that they are going to hear us out and let us explain, or that they want to put this whole thing to rest."
Brittany turned off the flat-iron and unplugged it, before moving it out of reach from where Kaiya could get to it and softly patting our daughter's thighs to silently signal for her to get up. "Baby, why don't you go ask Grandma for one of the cookies she just made while I quickly talk to mama before we go?"
Kai was running out of the door before Brittany had even finished her sentence, and my wife stood up to move closer to me. She comfortingly rubbed my forearms as she rested her head against mine, her hands slowly trailing down to lace her fingers through mine affectionately.
"You and all of your what ifs, San. You're going to drive yourself crazy!" Brittany whispered, squeezing my fingers gently. I took a deep breath and focused on her touch, and how having her so close and looking into her eyes calmed me down. "First of all, Quinn arranged for it to be at her house so they can't really kick us out even if they wanted to," I laughed a little and Brittany smiled, "and even if they don't want to hear us out, at least we tried, right? I'm so proud of you for even getting this far. You are, and we are, completely different but we still have that love there for them and all of our good times, I think they'll see that too."
"Kai was right, you are always right!" I giggled, shaking my head a little at her. "You always know how to get me thinking straight again, Britt-Britt. I don't know how you've put up with me for so long."
"Again with the crazy?" Brittany took a step closer to me and dropped my hands to pull me flush against her by my hips. "And, it helps that I love you, and I happen to find your craziness attractive as hell. Plus, nobody else could have our super hot lady sex."
"Brittany" I laughed and she chuckled, pressing her lips into mine and I shivered as her cold lips somehow made me feel on fire.
Kissing Brittany was like having a piece of heaven on Earth with me. We had been kissing since we were twelve, and our kisses have grown with our relationship. Brittany and I knew exactly what type of kisses each other needed on instinct, and they always left us dazed and even more in love.
I put my shaky hands on her cheeks and tilted my head slightly to deepen the kiss slightly, my tongue wrapping around hers gently before releasing it and pulling back with a dreamy smile.
Brittany was so intoxicating and her kisses always left me feeling drunk.
"Fuck, I love you so fucking much, it's insane!" I sighed, nuzzling my nose against her and then taking a step back so I could take in her appearance.
Her bangs were pulled back into two braids and then the rest of her hair was down and straight, flowing down her back and over her shoulders, her hair was getting so long. She only had light make-up applied, but that was my favourite look, she was so naturally beautiful.
She wore a simple oversized and leggings, similar to my casual look of joggers and a plain crop-tee, and I'm so glad that we're always in sync like that. Comfort over everything, especially having to constantly run around after Kaiya; she definitely had Brittany's energy.
"You're so beautiful…" I told her, and smiled widely.
"So are you, baby. I love when you curl your hair!" I blushed when she gave me a knowing look, because she definitely knew that was the reason I had curled it in the first place.
"I know!" I admitted, giggling. Brittany laughed at the admission, "how are you feeling?"
Brittany shrugged lightly, "I'm okay babe, I promise. I'm more concerned about you. We're going to do this together, just like we always have done and always will do."
"I think I'm ready!" I said with confidence from her words, taking a sharp breath.
Brittany winked at me, "yeah you are! Let's go make sure my mom isn't sending our daughter into a sugar-high from cookies and get out of here!"
Kaiya stood between Brittany and I, both of her hands secured in one of ours, as all three of us stared blankly at Quinn's front door.
A confused frown, identical to mine, and blue eyes, identical to Brittany's, looked back and forth from Brittany then to me.
"Why is nobody knocking?"
I frowned, and Brittany just stared back silently to Kai, who only grew more confused.
"Do you want me to knock? Or should we skip the knock and go in? Auntie Q does that at our house."
I finally let out a loud laugh at her words, snapping out of my mental daze and took a final breath of air. This moment was going to signify years of built up anger, hurt and so much complication, and it was going to all come to an end one way or another once we walked inside the house.
"That's a great idea, Kai, I think we should give Auntie Q a taste of her own medicine and just surprise her and walk right on in there!" I told her, and she beamed at me taking her idea. "Do you want to open the door, can you reach?"
"I think she's a bit too tiny, she's got her height from you, San!" Brittany laughed and lifted Kaiya a bit off the ground so that she could open the door.
"I'm going to ignore your constant need to make height jokes because I'm really trying not to freak the fu- hell out!" I mumbled, subconsciously tightening my hold on Kai's hand as she took it in hers again and pulled Brittany and I into the house.
I could instantly hear lively chattering from in the living room down the hall, and shared a glance with Brittany, as we walked slowly to the room. We were obviously walking way too slow for Kai, who dropped our hands and hurried to where she could hear the talking.
"Kai, slow down!" I warned her quietly as we quickened our pace to try and keep up with her.
"Auntie Q! Where are you?" She shouted, laughing as she neared the room, "Auntie Q?"
"Kaiya, just wait a second-"
"Auntie Q!" As all three of us burst through the door, Brittany and I breathing heavily as we basically ran after our daughter, and Kaiya running over to Quinn on the couch.
All eyes successfully turned to us.
The group of people suddenly went silent, as they looked in disbelief at Brittany and I in the doorway.
I gulped as all of the emotions hit me, and my lip subconsciously trembled. Finn, Rachel, Sam, Mercedes, Puck, Mike and Tina. It wasn't even everyone, yet it was everyone that mattered, and the overwhelming emotions made me shiver.
"Auntie Q, I missed you!" Kaiya, paying no attention to the tense atmosphere, bounced excitedly in front of Quinn.
"I missed you too, did you run here?" Quinn asked in amusement, glancing at Brittany and I with a knowing I'm-glad-you-actually-came look and noticing us trying to collect ourselves.
"Nope. Just made mommies run in here, they were walking too slow!" She giggled, settling herself comfortably on Quinn's lap.
"What the hell is going on?"
If I had to bet any kind of money on who would have been the first to comment on us, I would be a millionaire. I didn't expect anything less of Rachel Berry, who although stayed quieter for around 10 seconds longer than I had thought.
Brittany put her hands on my hips from behind me and began guiding me to the space on the end of the couch beside Quinn, sitting down and pulling me onto her.
My eyes never stopped scanning the room, silently taking in everyone's appearances and taking notice of any differences and similarities to how I remember. Nothing too drastic had changed, and I took some comfort in that. Expressions held shock, confusion, but as I looked around, I couldn't see the hatred that I also expected to see in some of them. I also took some comfort in that, too.
"We came to explain some things, if you are open to hearing them…" Brittany started, noticing me lost in trying to regulate myself and not get overwhelmed, her hand subconsciously rubbing my back.
I looked from Brittany back to Rachel and then to a few others, my gaze landing on Mercedes and Sam. They all nodded, "I think we would like that," Rachel spoke quietly and my attention was shifted onto my daughter, who definitely didn't need to hear this.
"Kai, mommies need to speak to our old friends and it's going to be super boring adult talk-"
"Ewww-"
"Yeah, I know, totally ewww, so why don't you go sit with Auntie Q at the table in the dining room and she can help you with your new puzzle!" I suggested, Kaiya looked excited and jumped off Quinn's lap, "it's in mama's bag by the door!"
"Thanks mama! Let's go Auntie Q, quick, you need to see what mommy got me! It's a new princess one…" Quinn groaned as she was dragged out of the room by Kaiya, sending us a glare as we chuckled at her.
"You guys owe me. She talks more than Brittany."
The two of them were gone out of the room and all eyes were back on us.
I sighed, "here's goes nothing…"
When in fact, I was about to explain everything.
Seven, and a half, years ago
"That must hurt, not being able to admit to people how you really feel…"
He has no idea, he doesn't even know the whole of it, or the worst of it.
"Do you know what I think you are? A coward. See you at the mash-off…"
His words rang in my ears, the truth of them feeling like an invisible string tied around me and suffocating me, because Finn was right- I was a coward. I had a reason to be a coward, and I wished that I could be brave enough for Brittany and for myself, but I couldn't, and that's what Finn didn't know.
My breathing quickened and I could hear him walking away with the annoying leprechaun, but I was still stood motionless in the hallways. Students were clearing into classes, but I couldn't follow, because everything was slipping away and all I could hear was Finn's voice.
She might not love you back.
That must hurt.
A coward.
"Sanny?" A gentle whisper came from behind me and my whole body shivered at the softness of her hand coming to rest on my lower back. I gasped, blinking rapidly and biting my bottom lip as it trembled. "What happened, baby?"
My entire body gave into her, my knees buckling and I leaned my entire weight against her as I cried into the now otherwise quiet hallway.
"H-he.. Finn!" I whimpered, as Brittany slid us down the lockers and brought my body into hers.
"Shh, calm down first baby," Brittany whispered, placing soft kisses to my cheek and rubbing my back with her hand. "You need to breathe, do you want to go somewhere else?"
I nodded against her, sniffling a little and pulling away a little to look at her. "Let's go to auditorium."
Brittany pulled me up, keeping one arm wrapped around my waist. "Come on, baby, I got you, you gotta walk with me," She cooed. Brittany's softness, in her touches and in her voice, made a light appear at the end of the tunnel.
Because no matter what, I knew, Brittany did love me back.
We walked the short way to the auditorium in silence and Brittany brought us to our usual hidden space, right in front of the stage on the floor, hidden from anyone by the chairs and the darkness.
"Sanny…" she whispered.
"Finn, I went to apologise to him, but you know how I get when I feel threatened- Snix likes to come out- then he said all of these really horrible things and some of them were true."
"What did he say?" She asked me, her eyebrows raised and a rare look of anger hardening her usual soft features. That was something I had always loved about Brittany, just like she was my weakness, I was hers. I would turn soft for Brittany, and she would always be the one to protect me.
"He asked me why I didn't come out of the closet because everybody already knows that I'm in love with you…" I whispered, and watched another look cross her features, she was pissed. "Then he said it was because you might not love me ba-"
"That's not true, Santana," Brittany interrupted with a stern voice, and I laughed a little.
"I know, that baby, that part I didn't doubt," I told her and her eyes softened in the slightest. "Then he said that I'm a coward because I can't admit to everybody how I really feel, and that part is definitely true. I am a coward."
Brittany crossed her arms across her chest and stared at me with stormy blue eyes, eyes that I haven't seen this pissed since the last time somebody talked shit about me; like I said, she was always my protector.
"You are not a coward, Santana, that is just nonsense!" She spoke firmly, shaking her head in disbelief. "That is the furthest thing from the truth! You are not a coward, not before, not now, not ever. You have been so brave and honest with your feelings lately, and whatever we choose to do for things to be safe for you, we will do them until we have a plan sorted."
"But I'm so scared, Brittany, Finn said everybody knows. What if they already know too, and they are just waiting for the right moment to do something?" I asked her quietly and Brittany frowned.
"Baby, I promise you. I won't let anything happen to you. It won't be long until you aren't so dependent on them and we can be us like we are, just like we've talked about."
"I love you so much, I'm sorry I can't do those things now. I wish that I could show everyone how much I love you and you love me back, and that we have to hide this beautiful thing, but I can't." I was pouting at Brittany and her anger-filled eyes were fully replaced with a look of pure adoration.
"Having you will always be enough for me, San."
After the mash-off
They don't understand, they don't know how bad this whole thing is and how much worse it could get.
To them, it's just high school love drama that they can't wait to gossip about, but to us, it's our life and my whole family.
"You don't get it! You've ruined everything!" I cried, all eyes still on me and Finn as he held his reddened cheek. Without a glance, I ran out of the room, suddenly feeling so exposed but claustrophobic somehow at the same time.
"San, wait!" I heard Brittany as her footsteps followed me and I stopped so that she could reach me a little quicker.
Brittany grabbed my hand in hers and dragged me to her car without a word, helping me get into the passenger chair and running around to get into the drivers side as I tried to process everything.
"Sanny, what do you want to do?" She asked me softly, turning her body to face me once she was settled into the car.
"I have no choice, Britt, this stupid fucking Ad is going to run and they are going to see it anyway. I think things would be worse if they found out like that, this is all Finn's fucking fault-"
"San, baby, maybe we should wait until you're in the right-"
"Brittany, this isn't going away. I have to do this, now. I know I should do it alone, but I don't think I will be able to without you there. Please can you come with me?" I asked her quietly, and she smiled a little, nodding her head.
"There's no way that I would let you go there alone," she told me, kissing my cheek. "You want to go now?"
I nodded, and she gave me a comforting look before buckling up and starting the engine. The usual short journey back to my house felt like the longest ride of my life, as we sat in silence and mentally prepared ourselves for what was about to come. Different scenarios and possibilities swirled my mind and I couldn't focus on one thing at a time, everything jumbling together and making me dizzy. I wasn't prepared for this, I thought we had months, but there definitely was no going back.
As we pulled up the driveway, my body shivered uncontrollably and I felt annoyance when noticing the lights on downstairs, a slight part of me wishing they were at work.
"We don't have to do this, but I'm here if you want to. I'll always be here," Brittany told me as we both stared at my front door without making a move to go inside and I smiled softly at her.
"Thanks, baby, I think I'm ready. As long as I've got you," I told her and pulled her with me by her hand when she smiled comfortingly, as I finally pushed the door open and brought us inside. "Mami, Papi?" I shouted.
"In here, Santana!" I heard my mom's voice call from the kitchen, and we silently walked in that direction, "Oh Brittany! I didn't know that you would be dropping Santana home today."
I looked with slight annoyance from Brittany to my mother, who made no effort to hide that she was looking Brittany up and down. Brittany shifted uncomfortably under the stare and I took a step closer to her on instinct, "Brittany drops me home everyday. You wouldn't know that because you are never home at this time."
"Don't disrespect your mother, Santana!" My father's sharp tone scolded me, as he looked up from reading the newspaper as he sat at the kitchen island. "Your mother and I work very hard to make sure we have everything you need."
"Sorry, papi," I mumbled, my glance moving downwards as I grew more anxious. I had already pissed them both off, and we hadn't even started the proper conversation yet. Without looking up, I began speaking quickly before I lost any confidence and just dragged Brittany far away from them and up to my bedroom. "Can we talk?"
They both paused their actions and shared a glance, whilst Brittany sent me an encouraging nod of her head.
My mother flicked off the stove and looked at me expectantly, "what have you done, now? I told you that you need to stay out of trouble, Santana, people know who we are."
"I know that. I'm not in trouble," I started, "please, it's important?"
My father sighed and placed his newspaper down onto the island and motioned to the two chairs in front of him. Brittany and I instantly moved to sit down quietly, whilst my mom took a seat beside my father in silence. They both looked at me curiously as I glanced rapidly between them both, trying to read both of their expressions, but as usual they were completely blank and emotionless.
"What is it, Santana? We don't have all day." My papi asked when we both remained silent, and I tried to focus on the comfort and warmth of Brittany's leg brushing against mine. That one form of physical contact preventing me from absolutely breaking down, and I appreciated it even more.
"So, there's this guy in school, Finn Hudson and h-"
"Santana, are you pregnant?"
I sniggered at my mother's harsh words in amusement because of how far from the truth that could be, and shook my head, "no mami, it's not that, I promise."
She nodded and went back to her silence, looking the slightest bit calmer. Brittany remained watching the exchange between us, and I could tell by the slightest bit of heavier breathing coming from her that she was trying to stay calm, too.
"He said something to me, and somebody overheard it, and then she told somebody else. Now everybody knows and he's going to put it on an ad campaign for the whole of Lima to see."
Brittany's hand brushed against my leg and rested on my knee, squeezing it with the subtle reassurance that I needed.
"What did he say to you, Santana?" My papi spoke with a stern voice and I gulped, licking my lips when I felt the sudden dryness of my mouth and throat. I opened my mouth to speak but then I quickly closed it again and he rose his eyebrows, "I can't hear you!"
"He said that I was in love with Brittany," I whispered and then took another deep breath before looking from the island to them, "and I am."
My lips and my hands and my legs were trembling with anxiety, as they just both momentarily seemed stunned and didn't respond. Until, I went to open my mouth again to be silenced by my mom, who began glaring at Brittany.
"You! I knew that you weren't a good influence! You're confusing our daughter, she is not in love with you!" My mother spoke with venom, looking directly at Brittany, who stared back with just as much rage storming in her eyes.
I gulped at the quick turn of events, even though the events were entirely expected.
"I am in love with her, I am not confused. I feel the most aware and sure of myself when I am with Brittany, I always have. She has always been there for me!" I defended myself, my girlfriend and our relationship proudly; the last thing that I was going to let them do is treat Brittany like they treat me, she does not deserve them to do that. Brittany has been more like family to me my whole life than they have ever been.
As another short silence filled the air as we all took a moment to gather our thoughts on the last few minutes, I frowned because I can't even remember the last time we actually all sat down at the island like this after school.
They hadn't been home this early for years, better yet, they are actually very rarely ever at home. Neglecting me and choosing work over me since I was a child and leaving me with Abuela, until she decided to move to Florida a couple of years ago, and then I basically had no family once again; nobody but Brittany.
Brittany had always been everything I needed, and I knew that she was everything I needed for my future too, and I wouldn't give that up for anything.
"I love Brittany so much…" I spoke again, more firmly this time. "I love how she always makes sure that I'm feeling okay, and how she is always the first one to make me feel better when I'm not. She's the only one to ever believe I'm a good person, to treat me right and to stick by me, even when I've made the wrong decision. I love Brittany and Brittany loves me."
"This is wrong. Santanita, these feeling that you think you have, they aren't real and will go away," my papi laughed a little, as if what I had just told him was one big joke and I tensed up, shaking my head as he got up from the island to walk out of the kitchen.
"I love her too, and this is not wrong, Mr Lopez. Santana and I have something real." Brittany decided to speak up and my father stopped walking and looked at us, his eyes almost black and all of his features hardened.
My stomach churned at the look, and I jumped up off my seat as he started walking back to us and stepped slightly in front of Brittany.
Internal alarms were going off in my head, and I turned to look at my mom for help when I noticed her glaring back at me. "I don't agree with this, this is not right and I can't have anything to do with this. We have worked so hard for this reputation, I can't be associated with such sinful behaviour."
"Mom please do something!" I panicked when he stopped in front of us and Brittany also jumped up from her chair so that his height wasn't as intimidating for us, practically sandwiching me between them both.
"Santana, your father is right. This behaviour is disgusting and we do not want our daughter to be seen doing anything of this sort!" My mother spoke with a harsh tone, just like always, but made the slight effort to walk over to my papi and pull him back slightly.
My body subconsciously stepped a bit more away from in front of Brittany with the added space, and I stared at my parents stood in front of me.
"You two don't deserve to be her parents anyway, she is way too good for you both!" Brittany hissed, and I knew that she was beyond pissed and was beyond holding it in. She pulled me behind her and continued to glare at my parents, "Santana is the most beautiful person I have ever known, and you two missed out big time on knowing her because she is a better person than you two will ever be."
"Brit-"
"No, Santana. They don't get to make comments like that about you and say those horrible things about us that aren't true!" Brittany stopped me from interrupting her and continued speaking so harshly to my parents that I just shut my mouth, watching her defend me with a proud small smile. "You two have never been there for her. I've been friends with Santana for ten years and I can count on one hand how many times I have seen you, you don't even deserve to be able to call yourself her parents. Yet you're so quick to tell her who she can and can't be when it suits you both! That is wrong, not our relationshi-"
"What the fuck!" I cried and tried to push my father away when his hand unexpectedly connected with Brittany's cheek. "Britt-no!" I yelled when she surged forward and punched in him the face, and tried to pull her away quickly when I noticed the blood on her knuckles and the bruise beginning to form on her cheekbones.
"Leave this house, right now Santana. I don't ever want to see either of you again!" My mother was shouting, but I was already dragging Brittany out of the front door and back into her car.
This time, I put her in the passenger seat and I jumped into the drivers side and pulled out quickly, sending her a concerned but loving glance.
Her stormy blue eyes settled on mine and I smirked at the small smile playing on her lips, "I hope that I broke his fucking nose."
I laughed and shook my head, sniffling a little as I pulled up a few streets away so that I could speak with Brittany properly, and check that she was okay. I can't believe he fucking hit her. I can't believe she fucking punched him; that's my girl.
As I turned off the engine to the car, I turned to look at Brittany properly and pouted through my tears when I noticed her face beginning to turn a shade of purple. "I'm so sorry that he hit you, baby, I shouldn't have made you come with me! This is all my fault-" I cried, my lip trembling more when I lifted my finger to trace across her cheek for her wince slightly in pain.
She giggled, "I'm so glad that I was there, he should not have spoken to you like that. I can't believe after all of these years, they are still the same. I've wanted to punch him in the face all six times I have seen him, I'm glad I got to do it just once."
I laughed louder, "I'm glad you got your final wish, baby!" Brittany laughed too, and I sighed when she lifted her hand to brush away my tears. "What am I going to do now?"
"Texted my mom right before driving to your house and told her that you're going to be saying with us for a while, she said she's making us your favourite pasta for dinner!" Brittany winked and I felt so much love for my girlfriend in that moment, that my sobbing suddenly became louder and I was pulling her into a tight hug.
"I love you so much. Thank you," I whimpered, and she peppered soft kisses along my neck.
"I love you too, let's go eat and cuddle."
Brittany and I stopped talking, looking around at everyone to gather their reactions.
Shock, guilt, anger and sadness. All mixtures of gazes stared back at us and I shifted uncomfortably, wiping my wet cheeks and burying myself further into Brittany.
"Why didn't you say anything? You told us they were okay with it!" Finn asked, and when I took a glance at him, the guilt and regret written noticeably on his features brought me some unknown closure.
"You guys never cared before. My parents basically neglected me my entire life; I was raised by my grandmother but she moved to Florida the summer before freshman year and I was alone again." I shrugged, "nobody ever took an interest in making sure that I was okay before the campaign ad happened, at the time I felt you were doing it to make yourself feel less guilty and not because you actually cared about me."
"That's crazy talk, Santana! We cared!" Rachel argued, and I offered her a smile.
"I know that know. Brittany and I have spoke about it a lot over the past years, and we know that it wasn't like that now." I told them, and Brittany nodded in agreement.
"San was just scared. Everything changed for us after that and we thought working through it alone, together, would be the best thing for us." Brittany spoke with a soft but firm tone, and I noticed everybody either wiping their tears or just looking at us sympathetically.
I kissed her cheek gratefully, "Britt is right. I was scared that you all just felt really bad about the ad running and didn't actually care about what happened to me because of it. When in actual fact, what happened after would have happened at some point regardless of the ad, I just didn't want to accept that and wanted somebody else to blame."
"But that doesn't explain why you both left without a trace. If you lived with Brittany's parents, why did you both leave so suddenly?" Mercedes' voice was filled with curiosity.
For the first time, I didn't feel like they were prying; they were also trying to get clarity in the situation. They had many built-up emotions about this too, and that made me feel more at ease. Finally, everything that had been so confusing and so hidden for so many years, was coming out into the open and it felt like I could breathe without a weight holding me down.
"We got an opportunity that we couldn't pass on," Brittany told them, "we didn't know that we were going to leave until graduation."
Seven years ago, after graduation
"We did it, Sanny! I can't believe we did it!" Brittany picked me up and spun me around, both of us giggling and smiling widely at each other.
She placed my feet back onto the ground and cupped both of my cheeks in her hands, pulling me closer and connecting our lips in a much-needed kiss. My arms instantly dropped to snake around her waist and I pulled her body flush against mine, as our lips moved languidly together.
Kissing Brittany in public still made me feel empowered to be better for her, I had to be better for Brittany.
Since moving in with her and the Pierce's, I had made myself a promise to never be cowardly about my feelings again, to always be honest no matter how much it all hurt.
"I love you. I'm so proud of you, and of us." I told her, pulling away breathlessly and resting my forehead against hers
Brittany's blue eyes sparkled with happiness, and as I looked into the depth of them, love and adoration staring right back at me, I hoped that one day our children had the same eyes as she did. Brittany could always tell me her unspoken words through her eyes.
"I love you, too, and I can't wait to spend my life with you." My heart thudded wildly at that possibly, I wanted nothing more than to spend my life with her, too.
"Britty, Sanny!" A small body crashed into us and I recognised those blonde pigtails anywhere, picking up the smaller body and looking into eyes that were slightly darker than Brittany's. "Mommy and daddy told me to come and get you. They said we need to leave right now…"
I frowned when I looked around to notice Brittany's parents walking over to us urgently. A slight panicky feeling began bubbling in my stomach when I saw them approach us quickly.
"We need to leave, now. Let's go!" Susan told us, her usual gentle tone filled with a sharpness that alerted us of a sudden seriousness.
"W-what's happened?" I asked them, as I grabbed Brittany's hand and began following them, but then I saw what the problem was.
Right in front of us- my parents. They looked furious and I gulped with fear at seeing them for the first time in months, since they kicked me out and disowned me as their daughter.
"What the fuck are they doing here?" Brittany demanded, pulling me into her protectively and hiding my body with hers as the five of us tried to slip out of the auditorium without being noticed.
My heart was racing and I felt tears brimming my eyes as I took another glance in their direction, before picking up my pace and exiting the building alongside my girlfriend and her family. "What did they want? Did they speak to you?" I asked them quietly, once we had settled into their car.
"They wanted something from you, darling," Pierce told me and I just laughed with confusion.
"I have nothing for them! What could they possibly want from me?" I asked them, looking at Brittany and noticing that she also had a look of confusion on her face as she stared at her parents.
"This came in the post this morning… it's addressed to you. I think this is what they wanted." Susan handed me an envelope and I frowned again, because what could be in this envelope that my parents wanted?
I held the small envelope with shaky hands and nodded, but made no indication to open it, waiting until we arrived back home. Brittany covered my hand with hers and pressed a kiss to my head, and I distracted myself from my overrunning thoughts by focussing on Brittany's skin against mine, as he fingers traced comforting patterns on my thigh.
When arriving back at the Pierce's, Brittany and I silently walked to our bedroom and sat down on the bed, the envelope still in my hands. "Do you want me to leave you alone?" Brittany asked quietly, and my eyes lifted from the paper to her look at her.
"Not at all, baby, I want you here," I told her and smiled a little, she nodded and opened her arms for me as she laid back against the headboard of the bed. I fell into her arms, opening the envelope and taking a deep breath as I unfolded the paper.
"Oh my God!…" I gasped, my fingertips trailing across the familiar handwriting and my eyes instantly filled with tears.
Santanita… mi hija,
I'm sorry that I couldn't say goodbye to you properly.
I have never loved anybody like I loved you, please never forget that. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you when you needed me the most, but I am so proud of you for being who you are. I always knew that Brittany was special to you, and that you were special to her. I could see it every time you were together and every time you spoke to me about her. I'm so sorry that your parents failed you, and that they didn't accept this special part of you. I'm glad that you stood up for what you believe in, and what is right. Love is love, mija, and you deserve the best kind of love this world can give, and that is with Brittany. Please cherish that forever.
I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for the years that you needed me, and when you were suffering. I wish that I could take it all back to see you one more time. You know I would have given anything to have another day with you. There has not been a day that has passed while I've been in Florida that I haven't thought about you.
I've always wanted the best for you, and that has always been Brittany.
Mija, just because I'm not here anymore, it doesn't mean that I won't be with you anymore. Everything I have ever done has been for you, and everything I have is now yours.
You can be anything you want to in this world, Santana.
Te amo baby, I'll miss you, and I'll be watching over you and Brittany.
Abuela.
"I am so so sorry, Santana!" Mercedes told me, and she surprised me by walking to Brittany and I and pulling us both into a tight hug. "You two are the strongest people I know, I wish we made you feel like you could have told us this back then. I'm sorry that we didn't do more to make you see that we truly did care about you."
I sniffled and melted into her embrace, when suddenly everybody else was joining in and we were being crushed in a glee sandwich.
"I'm sorry too," I sighed, "I shouldn't have taken my anger or hurt out on you guys. You didn't deserve that. I was just so focused on leaving Lima and starting fresh, but I also forgot about the good in the midst of all that."
"That's okay, I think we can start making amends and learn from all of this. We're all different people now, but our bond will always be the same…" Rachel told me, and I found myself smiling back at her and nodding with appreciation.
"So, did Quinn know that you were in Florida this whole time and just not tell us?" Sam asked in disbelief, his eyebrows raised.
Brittany chuckled at him and shook her head, "not the whole time. First we had to put all of our energy into selling Abuela's house and getting our degrees at the same time. Luckily, we could stay there while we did all of this, so we didn't have to worry about finding our own place. It was exhausting, we didn't even have time to think about anyone we had left."
I nodded in agreement, memories of first year in Florida flooded my mind. It was the most stressful and scariest time of our lives, and thankfully the Pierce's came out often to help with legal issues and to support us, but even though it was hard, Brittany and I also grew so much that first year.
The sometimes sleepless nights and nothing but coffee to keep us awake, and maybe a little bit of sweet lady sex, were all worth it because that was also our first year living alone. Our first year in college, where we both graduated at the top of our classes, our first year in a completely new city, exploring everything and learning everything together; it was also one of the happiest years of my life.
"Abuela left me in charge of everything and I inherited everything that belonged to her," I told them, "but I obviously couldn't keep the house or anything just in case my parents showed up there, it wasn't worth the risk. We wanted it done as quickly as possible."
"Serves them fuckers right, I swear, they are fucking dead the next time I see them at the grocery store!" Puck interrupted and I sniggered in amusement, because he really was still trying to put up a badass front, somethings really never do change.
The knowledge that Puck, and probably all of the others too, now had that understanding of why everything happened and they were just as angry, validated all of my feelings and made me feel content.
"Thanks, Noah," Brittany nodded with a giggle. "We didn't get everything finalised until a year after we moved out there. Then, we bought our own first house not too far away, and could focus on our studies entirely. A day after we graduated college, I proposed to San and we literally got married two weeks later. Just us two, and we spent a few weeks travelling before San used the money her Abuela left us to open her firm and I opened the studio."
"And that's when you contacted Quinn? After you opened your firm- wait that makes so much sense! This is why Quinn never talks about her job. Does she work for you?" Rachel gasped, slapping my arm a little as she finally began putting small pieces of the story together.
I laughed at her, "Kind of. We didn't actually contact her until the night Kaiya was born. She was actually with you guys at a reunion!"
"I remember that! She went off into the bathroom for ages, I thought she had passed out because she came out looking like she had seen a ghost!" Mike, Tina and Mercedes chuckled at Sam.
"Yeah, I asked her if she could take over in the office as I wanted to work primarily from home because of Kaiya and she agreed, she asked to tell you guys but we didn't want her to because Kaiya had literally just been born!" I explain, and then sighed, "I think that's pretty much everything!"
I looked at Brittany, and she kissed my cheek, "I'm so proud of you for this. I love you so much but now the emotional talk is out of the way, I better go save Quinn! She's gonna kill us."
Brittany sniggered and I chuckled as she went closer to the hallway and shouted to Quinn, "Auntie Q duties are relieved for the day!"
"Oh thank god!" I head Quinn loudly respond, and I laughed a little in amusement, my laughter only growing when Quinn and Kaiya reappeared through the door a few minutes later.
Quinn was glaring at Brittany and I, with Kaiya clinging onto her for a piggyback and a beaming smile, completely oblivious and obviously having the time of her life. "Mommy!" Kaiya lunged herself from Quinn to Brittany when noticing her still standing in the doorway and my wife catches her with ease.
"You guys suck. What did you feed her this morning?" Quinn asked, positioning herself furthest away from us as Brittany brought Kaiya back over to me on the couch.
"My mom gave her like six sugar cookies before we came over here. I knew she'd be talking like me but on crack and I also knew that you don't have the heart to tell her to stop talking, just like you don't with me, so…" Brittany grinned, winking over at Quinn who just folded her arms in annoyance.
Kai jumped on my lap and cuddled into me, "hi mama, missed mommies," she mumbled and I smiled down at her affectionately, before kissing her forehead.
She laid her head on my chest and I shared a look of bliss with Brittany, a look that we share multiple times on a daily basis. "Love you mija, mommies missed you too," I whispered to her and she gave me a bashful smile, showing me her dimples identical to mine.
I took a quick glance around the room at faces I hope to be seeing more often, and look back down at our baby girl,
"Kai, do you want to meet mommies and Auntie Q's friends?"
Once again, I was looking at my sleeping daughter cuddled into my wife in the room that was once so familiar to us, a room that was once our safe space to be completely us without any hiding. Just like any other time I looked at them, my heart swelled in my chest and I was reminded of all the good things that came from our hardships.
Brittany and I have created a life so beautiful, for us and for our daughter, and we made it on our own.
I smiled at the sight and moved to carefully slip into the bed beside them, Kaiya's tiny body squished comfortably between us.
"We did it!" Brittany smiled softly, her hand coming to rub my cheek as she looked at me through tired eyes. "It wasn't that bad, was it?"
"Should've done it years ago!" I admitted with a giggle and Brittany laughed, "thank you for waiting until I was ready, Britt. You really have been so good to me all of these years, my biggest supporter. I couldn't have done anything without you."
I couldn't express enough words that matched how truly grateful I had always been for Brittany, and I always would be.
She was the first person aside from my Abuela to really see me, past all of my walls, and she never gave up on me. "You're my wife, I kind of have to support you, it comes with the job…" she grinned and I chuckled at her, shaking my head.
"You're still an asshole," Brittany winked at my comment and I rolled my eyes with amusement.
"I'm your asshole, though, baby!" I laughed and she gentle moved Kaiya off her chest and comfortably onto the pillows. "For real though, San. You have been so brave for doing this, everybody knows how hard it was for you."
"I'm sorry that I didn't do it sooner, you know how I get stubborn and go a little crazy. They were your friends, too, and you never complained about loosing them." I felt a little guilty, after opening fresh wounds and thinking so much about the past after such a long time.
Brittany shuffled over Kaiya and moved to straddle my hips, her forehead resting on mine. "I would give up anything I have to have you. You are worth everything, you always have been, but we never lost them, Sanny."
I grinned wider, kissing her lips gently and wrapping my arms around her waist, "you, Brittany S. Lopez-Pierce, are the love of my life. The both of you are."
Brittany smiled affectionately, her eyes giving me all of the reminders of our life long love, "and you are mine, Santana Lopez-Pierce."
Her lips were on mine again and she was kissing me passionately.
I smiled against her mouth, because finally, for the first time, it felt like nothing could stand in the way of us and I knew that Brittany was right, I was brave and it was so worth it.
