"Adams Ribs" is the absolute PINNACLE of television entertainment. I will not be taking questions at this time.
Frank and Katherine were in OR, fixing up a young mans leg.
"Will you get out of my way?!" Frank yelled as Katherine tried to clean up some bone fragments.
"Doctor, if we don't fix these fragments they'll never fuse back into the bone!" Katherine cried. "The bullet that hit this bone sent these pieces everywhere in the kids leg, and they need to be removed from where they're not supposed to be!"
"Don't you tell me how to operate!" Frank yelled back.
"Heterotopic ossification is a thing Frank!" Katherine groaned.
"Look, if you don't do as you are told I will put you on report!" Frank snapped. "I am TIRED of being walked all over!"
"I'm not…fine!" Katherine gave up.
"Good. Now pass me the clamp." Frank smirked.
"I'm not a nurse!" Katherine cried.
"Here's your clamp, Frank." Margaret handed Frank a clamp. Katherine was satisfied to see that Margaret was slowly starting to realise that being Frank's paramour was not all it was the best decision.
Frank huffed, and the pair finished off the leg, Katherine not getting the chance to go back and clean up the bone fragments.
"Ugh. What a horrible couple of hours." Katherine rubbed her face as she walked out of the OR after it was all done. She prayed to whatever god was out there that the boys leg healed correctly, and that the bone fragments DID fuse back in where they were supposed to.
–
"This is not good." Katherine looked at the boys chart the next day. "I don't want to go back in, but we might have to. Keep up the antibiotics and keep him comfortable."
"Will do. If you need to go back in, you know that it'll have to be with Major Burns again?" Kellye looked down at the sleeping soldier. "And he might not agree to it."
"I'm not looking forward to try to convince him." Katherine sighed. "Spare me from the incompetence of the egotistical."
"You said it." Kellye said, with no idea what Katherine was saying.
"ATTENTION! ALL PERSONNEL! DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL, WE REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT LUNCH IS NOW BEING SERVED."
"Oh yay." Kellye rolled her eyes.
"I'm gonna go get something to eat, do you know whose shift it is next?" Katherine asked.
"Major Burns is on his way." Ginger piped up.
"Oh lovely." Katherine groaned. "I'll talk to him after I've eaten."
"Good luck." Ginger sighed as Katherine headed outside, stopping by the doctors station to fill out some paperwork, which unfortunately took longer than expected. By the time Katherine was finished, lunch was well into being served.
Although…there was always tinned fruit in her tent, which could be better than going to the Mess Tent for liver and/or fish? Katherine thought it might be nice to have company though, so she made her way to the Mess Tent. Maybe Hawkeye and Trapper could give her some advice over what to do about Frank and the sick patient.
"WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!
WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!
WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!
WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!"
Tinned fruit it was!
Katherine enjoyed her tinned apricots and shortbread, finishing her repast by drinking the juice out of the tin. She wished she had some ice cream, or some cherries, to finish the meal off, but she took what she could get. She sighed contentedly after she'd cleaned everything up, feeling more than ready to take on Frank Burns. Making sure Swordy was still attached to her back, she headed to Post-Op to tell Frank they needed to operate again.
–
"Pierce, I don't care what you do in private. You want ribs? It makes me no never mind. But as long as you're in this man's army camp, you behave yourself, and you fly in formation!" Henry finished yelling at Hawkeye over the riot he'd started in the Mess Tent. "RADAR!"
"Let's get started on the inspection, yes sir." Radar said with the Colonel, while grabbing the golf clubs near the door. Golf, yes, that is what Henry needed, a good couple of rounds of golf.
He did NOT need to be breaking up a fight between Frank and Katherine outside of Post-Op!
"Listen, ROOKIE, I know what I'm talking about and those bone fragments WILL BE FINE." Frank yelled at Katherine, who after her experience taking on five North Koreans had a bit more of a backbone.
"Frank it can't hurt to open him back up and make sure the bones are aligned properly, the poor boys leg is swelling up something chronic and he's in pain!" Katherine fired back.
"He's been OPERATED on, of course he's going to be SORE!" Frank snapped.
"WHAT is going on out here?!" Henry stormed over, annoyed. "I am TRYING to do an inspection!"
"With golf clubs?" Frank asked.
"Look, sir, there's a man in Post-Op who is looking like either infection or heterotopic ossification, possibly both. Frank and I operated, but Frank doesn't want to go back in." Katherine explained.
"Why do you need Frank's opinion?" Henry asked.
"He's MY patient!" Frank yelled.
"He's BOTH of your patient, so if one of you decides to go back in, you shouldn't need the permission of the other." Henry said. "That being said, operating unnecessarily is risky and should be avoided."
"Thank you Sir!" Frank smirked.
"Bug off Frank." Henry snapped. "Dismissed."
"Yes, Sir!" Katherine and Frank replied. Henry walked off to relax, and Katherine scowled at Frank who continued to smirk. She stormed off, annoyed.
–
The young man did not get better. The leg was getting worse and worse, and Frank kept blocking every attempt that Katherine made to put the boy back under.
"I am a civilised human being, but I swear that man makes me want to go over the edge sometimes!" Katherine stewed one night while she, Klinger and Radar sat around her tent eating tinned peaches.
"It must be an officer thing. Hawkeye is off his noodle at the moment too." Radar said.
"Excuse me!" Katherine teased.
"Present company excepted." Klinger grinned.
"Why couldn't you just operate now?" Radar asked.
"I'm not really supposed to operate by myself yet. Another doctor should be in the room with me." Katherine explained. "It's dumb. I'm a better surgeon than Frank is!"
"Rules are made to be broken, especially if it saves the boy's life." Klinger pointed out.
"Major Burns is over with Hot Lips now, you could sneak in!" Radar said. "It's an emergency situation, you wouldn't get in trouble!"
"Right, go get Kellye for me." Katherine decided.
Soon, the boy was on the table again and Katherine opened him up. Sure enough, not only was the bone not fusing correctly, but Frank had missed two pieces of shrapnel that were causing infection!
It was very late when Katherine had started the operation, so by the time she was finished it was well into the next morning. The boy's leg was cleaned up, and it looked like he was going to keep it.
Frank was furious, but Henry had told him off, so he couldn't say a word. Katherine, who was tired, was finally happy.
She stayed with the boy until lunchtime, when she heard choppers approaching. She raced out to help, but was stopped by Henry.
"There's only four wounded here, and you've already operated. Go to bed Kathy, you look dead." Henry said kindly. In the background, she could hear Hawkeye crying. She was too tired to wonder what was wrong with him, tired and hungry.
While everyone else was out with the wounded, Katherine headed into the Mess Tent. The first thing that hit her was the smell. That was BBQ sauce. BBQ sauce and ribs that after so many days of fish and liver smelled beautiful.
Five pounds of cooked spare ribs and a pint of BBQ sauce were sitting on a table, untouched, alone, just waiting to be eaten. Katherine poured herself a glass of water, and sat down in front of the ribs, unable to think about anything else.
It was heaven. Oregano with a hint of vinegar. Tangy, sweet, savoury, delicious! Katherine couldn't stop herself. Even when her stomach was sobbing in pain, too full to carry on, she persisted, just to have those flavours and that beautiful food in her mouth. That beautiful experience in her mouth. Even vomiting this up later would be worth it, would be a beautiful part of this amazing experience.
Finally, she had ripped the last piece of meat off the bones. She felt ready to burst, every breath making her want to throw up all the food she had just eaten. Carefully, she waddled over to the showers to wash her face and hands, before wadding back to her tent to sleep off her gluttony. It took over an hour for her stomach to calm down, but she managed to hold it in.
Of course, Hawkeye refused to speak to her for a week afterwards, but it was worth it!
