Does this fic suck? Yes.

Am I having fun? Also yes.

You know, one of my favourite things about Little Women/Good Wives by Lou Alcott is the story between Jo and Laurie. Jo DOES love Laurie very dearly, but not in the way that Laurie wants her to love him. I think about that story a lot when I watch this episode.


"HAWKEYE HELP!" Katherine cried as blood spurted everywhere from her patient.

"Here, I got it! Get me some lap sponges and clamp this down here." Hawkeye instructed. "It's okay Kathy, you've got this, just fix up that artery and it'll be okay."

"I thought I'd clamped it correctly." Katherine admitted.

"You did fine, you just didn't expect there to be hidden shrapnel." Hawkeye pulled a nastily large piece of metal out of the patient. "Happens to the best of us."

"Thanks Hawk." Katherine smiled at him through her mask. That smile killed him in so many wonderful ways. It drove Hawkeye mad that the only person who knew he was hopelessly in love with Katherine was Frank, who thankfully kept his mouth shut.

The pair got the patient stable, and finished the surgery together. "You okay?" Hawkeye asked.

"Heart still racing, but I'll get over it. Next!" Katherine called, making Hawkeye beam with pride.

"No next, they're all in Post-Op!" Klinger called back, earning a great many cheers.

"Anyone I can help with?" Katherine asked.

"We're all fine here, you two scrub up and get to bed. We're expecting more in the next twenty-four hours." Sherman ordered.

Yes Sir!" Both Katherine and Hawkeye headed to clean up.

"You know, for someone going through the residency from hell you sure are doing magnificent." Hawkeye said as they threw their dirty scrubs in the hampers and walked out into the cool air of the night.

"Thank you Hawkeye. Coming from someone of your calibre it's a huge compliment." Katherine smiled up at him.

They said their goodnights and headed their separate ways. Hawkeye would never let her know how he felt. Partly to protect himself, but partly because her heart was still so fragile, he couldn't imagine the damage he could do if he hurt her.

No, Katherine wasn't ready for romance yet. Hawkeye stumbled into the Swamp and poured himself a drink. He certainly hadn't been ready when Carlye ripped his heart out all those years ago.

He groaned. Why'd he have to think about her? At least once a day her face popped into his mind, usually when he was thinking about Katherine. The two women definitely didn't look alike, Katherine with her freckles, her boyish chestnut-brown hair and startling blue eyes. Carlye was blonde and beautiful.

He knew his feelings for Katherine could never be what they were for Carlye. Nothing could be like how he felt about her.

Nothing.

Of course two weeks later Carlye showed up. It had to be the way didn't it?

And to make things a hundred times worse, Katherine and Carlye quickly became firm friends.

"I don't understand how you survived." Carlye said one night as they sat in the O Club together drinking. "A child needs a mothers love."

"I'm sure she thought she loved me. She only ever loved herself though. You should hear the letters she writes me. Thankfully Radar reads them for me, gives me the cliff notes then destroys them." Katherine sipped her wine.

"That's so brutal. You're so resilient." Carlye marvelled at her new friend.

Katherine laughed.

"It's true, here you are, a victim of child abuse, and you're making friends and doing well as a surgeon!" Carlye protested.

"The only reason I can be so resilient is because of Swordy." Katherine touched the sword on her back. "He makes me feel safe."

"Who on earth names a blade Swordy?!" Carlye laughed.

"To be fair, he IS only a five dollar blade." Katherine admitted, chuckling at the memory. "Even though Hawkeye paid thirty for him."

Carlye stopped laughing. "Hawkeye bought him for you?" She asked.

"Yeah! Hawk is one of my best friends." Katherine smiled.

"He is?" Carlye looked incredulously at her. "I didn't think you were the type to be wooed and left by him."

Now Katherine looked incredulous. "Hawkeye? Woo me? He only tried once, before he bought me Swordy, and I told him to bug off. He's never tried again since, come to think of it." Katherine mused. "I think that's why I like him so much. His old bunkie Trapper used to come on to me every five seconds. He gave me the creeps."

Carlye looked hard at Katherine.

"What?" Katherine shrank back.

"That's not the Hawkeye that I know." Carlye looked amazed.

"Are you two back together?" Katherine asked.

Carlye looked uncomfortable.

"Are you okay?" Katherine pressed.

"I'm fine." Carlye sighed. "You care about Hawkeye a lot huh?"

"He's one of my favourite people." Katherine admitted. "And I don't like seeing people get hurt. It's the whole Doctor thing."

Carlye chuckled.

Later on when Carlye was lying in the hidden room with Hawkeye, she asked him about Katherine.

"I was talking to Katherine today at the O Club. You bought her a sword?" She asked.

Hawkeye blanched. He was so happy to be back with Carlye again, apart from being torn about her being married, yet he couldn't stop thinking about Katherine.

"She's a good Doctor with a lot of potential. I er…just tried to help a fellow surgeon is all." Hawkeye tried to brush it off.

Thankfully Carlye didn't seem to catch on why Hawkeye was stuttering, seemingly believing he was just being modest.

Hawkeye was still churned up in his mind a week later when he finished up in Post-Op and went to do his filing. Unfortunately, it coincided with a lecture from BJ about Carlye's marriage, and the value of fidelity. All things Hawkeye didn't want to hear.

"Plus there's Katherine." BJ tacked onto the end of his speech. Hawkeye felt his stomach fall through the floor. "Peg? PEG! It's me!"

Suddenly Radar burst in. "Hawkeye, I've been looking for you!" He handed Hawkeye a piece of paper. Hawkeye scanned it. Carlye was being transferred?!

"I just got it." Radar admitted. Hawkeye felt destroyed - AGAIN. He rushed out of the office to go and figure out what was going on.

He made it to her tent and stopped himself. No, he couldn't just rush in there with a hot head.

Oh who was he kidding. He knocked and waited for her to let him in.

"Oh hi." Carlye got up off the bed.

Hawkeye was incredulous. HI?

"I was going to tell you, I wouldn't have just slipped away." Carlye tried to explain.

"It's always worked before." Hawkeye snarked.

It was quickly devolving into an argument.

"Hawkeye, your work is always going to be the single most important thing in your life, and that's fair." Carlye said sadly. "Although I have to be honest, I think there's finally some competition."

Hawkeye looked confused.

"Oh come on Hawkeye, I'm not blind! I know you so well, I'm shocked you didn't know I'd figure it out!" Carlye sighed.

Hawkeye's heart went through a series of amazing gymnastic feats. He knew alright. He knew exactly what she was talking about.

And he knew that was why it was for the best that she was leaving again. It would hurt, just like it had before, but it was all for the best. Things were going to get in their proper order in his heart and mind, lining them up with his soul.

"Just so you know, I think you two would be perfect together. She believes in your mission as much as you do. I couldn't. I can't be in the backseat again. I like it up front." Carlye told him.

They embraced for one final time.

"Do me a favour. If anyone asks, I turned you down." Hawkeye said as he walked out.

Carlye smiled sadly at him.

Hawkeye was sat in the Swamp a few days later. His heart wasn't as sore as it had been, but it was still tender. He was thinking about Crabapple Cove, how uncomplicated life was with his Dad.

He jumped a mile when Katherine knocked on the door. "Come in Kathy, don't mind me." He said, sitting up off his comfy chair.

"Hey Hawk. You okay?" Katherine sat down on his cot.

"I'm fine, how are you?" Hawkeye asked.

Katherine sighed at him, shaking her head.

"I'll be fine. I promise." Hawkeye knew that look. "She's done it before and she'll do it again."

"Sometimes things just don't work out." Katherine sighed. "It's when you force them that things go wrong and your eldest daughter ends up being a pariah, only worth as much as the butler."

Hawkeye looked at her incredulously.

"Nevermind, my issues are colouring my perception." Katherine brushed it off.

"Colouring? You've got a full museum there." Hawkeye looked extremely concerned.

"Anyway, we're all gathering at the O Club. I'm going to teach everyone my favourite dance that I used to sneak in at balls when I had to chaperone my brothers." Katherine said.

"Well, you all have fun then." Hawkeye leaned back in his chair.

"You're gonna learn too." Katherine insisted. "Everyone should know how to dance a redowa waltz." She grabbed his hand. "You'll love it, trust me."

Hawkeye felt her hand against his and suddenly the world made sense. "Okay, okay, I'll do my best teacher." He got up and followed her. Katherine grinned, and led the way to the O Club.

It was a fun night, and soon everyone was energetically dancing around in circles. Hawkeye had to stop to catch his breath, marvelling at how Katherine could keep on going.

He had been right. His feelings for Katherine could never be what his feelings for Carlye were. His feelings for Katherine were far more pure and less obsessive. Oh, he'd think about Caryle for the next week, but then after that it'd be every other day…then once a week…then once a month…

Katherine grabbed his hands. "Now for your turn with Kellye!" She cried in happiness.

Everything was going to be okay.