Her ear's still fucked when she heads back into the forest, knife in hand. Before the sunrise's usual cherry tint has even painted the sky. Eyes widen at every splotch of red she finds beneath each bramble bush. Twenty, thirty, fourty. She leaves the smallest ones behind. Only the biggest summer-ripe strawberries make it into her basket, and she struggles to close it shut.
There's a spring in her step when she enters the square. Ignoring the curious eyes thrown her way; the Seam girl now-Victor, still clutching a basket of strawberries like her next meal depended on it. The light in her eyes fades in the terse minute she spends on the Mayor's doorstep. Things aren't the same anymore. Her breath stills. She sees her face going pale in the windowpane. You killed a fucking human being on TV.
Katniss swallows as she considers what little good she'd done. Sending Rue off. Standing up to the Capitol. Bringing pride to District 12.
Seconds tick by in silence after she knocks, pondering if it'll be enough to see that smile again.
"Katniss, Katniss," Madge's voice strums her heartstrings. Breath seizing when the girl hurls herself into her arms. The basket plonks on their wooden porch. She smiles. Eyes flutter shut at the slim girl soaking her embrace. It's enough to fracture her eyes with tears. Enough for every hurt and wound she's endured to be worth it. Just to see those gray eyes again, lips moving past the thumping noise in her head.
"I watched you, every second of it-" Madge whispers, and before Katniss can react - the girl's tugging her elbow into their sitting room. Basket of strawberries in tow. It only occurs to her now she's never stepped foot into the Mayor's house; they've only ever sold produce at their doorstep. That placid, tight silence and the austere space suddenly makes Katniss feel like an intruder. Even if Madge does send her heart soaring with a single hand on her lap.
She's seen the madness of the Capitol crowds. The dizzying heights of elation and depths of despair and all the crazy shit in between that fate dealt her the moment Prim's name was pulled. And yet in this dusty room. Lit by rays of sunlight through a frosted window and Madge's smile. The Mayor's daughter brings Katniss to a new high she'd never thought attainable.
I missed you so much.
The words hang right off Katniss's lips before she thinks the better of moving too far, too soon. Instead holding out the Mockingjay pin in her grimy fingers.
"I'm returning this to you."
The smile on her face evaporates in a flash, "Why? I gave it to you so it's yours-"
"This looks really expensive, Madge - and I can't-"
"Don't-" the firm note in Madge's voice cuts her off, as does her sudden prim posture, "after what you've gone through, please, Katniss - I'm not that kind of friend who keeps a score of everything. I don't ever want to be like that to you."
Katniss swallows in silence, eyes searching beyond her words for their meaning.
She gestures towards the basket, "How would you feel if I started counting out coins for your strawberries?"
"I'm giving them to you," Katniss insists.
"See? We can be cordial about this, can't we?" Madge continues. Oh boy, her father's certainly training her to take over one day.
"Y-yes we can," Katniss agrees, catching herself wondering if she agrees with Madge or is just putty in the blonde girl's hands after having gone through hell and back. Perhaps the girl senses her weakness, shifting closer with a glimmer in her eyes.
"Actually," Madge's eyes lift to the ceiling, "there is something you can give me."
It's cool in the house's shade, but a bead of sweat dots Katniss's forehead.
"What-"
Madge looks down at her own hand shifting slowly away from Katniss's lap. The withdrawal feels like she's slipping away, further and further into the distance like that tiny, miniscule inch she'd shifted her chair away at school. She fidgets with her clean, neatly trimmed fingernails.
"Humour my questions, perhaps-"
Oh god. The flurry slams into her head at once. Please don't ask about Peeta. Please don't ask about Peeta. Please don't ask about Peeta.
"That thing you had with Peeta during the games-"
Fuck!
"-y-you've liked each other all the while at school, haven't you? And all of that just spilled out during the games."
A chill spreads through her ribcage as she watches Madge withdraw further into herself. Clenched fists tucked inside that slouching posture, earlier prim and upright.
"No, well," Katniss fumbles with her words, "it's not that straightforward, like - I mean-"
You idiot. Katniss mentally slaps her forehead. You should've thought about an answer before knocking on her door. You knew she was going to ask. Before she realises she'd never, in a month or a year or a lifetime, understand what Peeta was in that instant. The boy who threw bread at her when she needed it the most? The boy who brought both of them back, two halves of a whole - if only to preserve their lives in this maddeningly unfair spectacle? Another debt she could never repay despite all her newfound wealth.
And there's Madge.
A precipice upon which she now teeters. Her next answer threatening to hurl her off the cliff to be dashed into tiny pieces on the rocks below. Once again, she's teetering on the cusp of losing that lifeboat bobbing around in her sea of confusion. Dimming the star in the night sky guiding her home. Never hearing her blessed voice again.
"It's alright," Madge sounds broken, "It's perfectly fine if you're into him."
"I'm not," Katniss snarls back, "we helped each other during the games. It was an act, that's all-"
Madge drops to a whisper, "We're friends, you don't have to lie to me-"
She leaps to her feet, pointing a shaking finger as her cheeks colour, "I'm not lying! And why would it matter to you anyway?"
"It does!" Madge exclaims, "I don't know why but it does-"
Her eyes snap wide open. Beneath the swirling cloud of confusion, a single bolt of anger lashes out. An arrow she's kept nocked the entire time.
"If it's such a big deal to you, then why haven't you told me exactly what you've got going on with Gale?"
"What?" Madge screeches, "Why bring him into this?"
"Because people are talking-" Katniss shakes her head, swallowing the bile leaching into her mouth, "as I thought, you can't answer me to my face-"
"Nothing! What on earth do you take me for?" Madge runs a hand through her hair, upsetting some strands from her otherwise perfect braid, "He sold me turkey and strawberries while you were gone and I gave him laundry to take to his mother. I even haggled the hell out of him-"
She's shaking now. Both of them are. But the shattered expression on Madge's face recedes the tide of anger in Katniss's.
"I-is that enough of an explanation?" Madge stammers back, "I'm not into any of the boys at school, or in this district - if that matters."
Katniss nods, before the subtle phrasing of Madge's last statement sticks in her head like an arrow.
"And about Peeta-"
A sudden clomp from the stairs behind whirls them around. A ghost of a woman emerges from upstairs; Mrs. Undersee clutches her head in dishevelled clothes.
Her voice rasps dry with thirst, "Are you girls alright?"
"Mom-"
"Yes, Mrs. Undersee," Katniss announces, "I was just selling some strawberries, and I'm all done here."
The woman stumbles on the stairs, before vanishing between the bannisters.
Kaniss slips the Mockingjay pin into her pocket, "I should go."
She hears footsteps following her onto the front porch. Into the glare of the sunlight where the warm breeze can dry that well of tears threatening to spill from her eyes. There's a hesitation to turn and see Madge behind her. Knowing the light will fall on that perfect face and her crown of golden hair and she wouldn't be able to help herself and drop to her knees. Begging for forgiveness for every harsh word they've exchanged. But she turns anyway.
"I'm sorry-" Katniss mouths.
Madge shakes her head, "Let me give you something for the Strawberries."
"No-"
Without warning, Madge steps forward and presses a kiss to her cheek. Just like she did at the farewell. Urgent. Sudden. This time, she wipes a thumb over the blush spreading through Katniss's face. Grinning like she's proud of the gift she's left behind.
"Thanks for dropping by today," Madge whispers, before she leaves. Just like the light of Rue's eyes fading, it's over all too quickly. Katniss stands there holding onto the heat of Madge's kiss, a million words left on her tongue. Unspoken. Clambering to touch that trail of white cotton fluttering up the steps.
