The couch was pink and fluffy and gorgeous, and Sky felt like it was swallowing her whole.
Trying to shift into a more comfortable position, she glanced around the luxurious waiting room, where everything was just as pink as the couch she was sitting on - the furniture, the wallpapers, even the happy, upbeat pop music that filled the air was pink (if music could have a color). They'd been served mocktails when they had arrived, and the sweet taste of strawberry and coconut filled Sky's senses as she took a nervous sip from her pink, glittery glass.
This place was intimidating as fuck, but truth be told, so was Yasmine.
Sky wasn't used to being with her alone. They always hung out in a group where Sam's genuine, trustworthy character and Moon's sweet nature balanced Yasmine's sharp edges. Sky couldn't even remember if she had ever spent time with just Yas, but still, when she had suggested they'd come here after the Grief Group, Sky had said yes in a heartbeat.
Somehow, after the things they had learned from each other in the past couple of hours, getting pretty nails together had felt more important than going to the dojo.
"You decided yet?" Yas asked, turning the color charts in her hands. Each chart displayed maybe a dozen different shades, and there was a whole pile of them.
"Uh, not really," Sky admitted and turned her eyes back to the chart in her own hands. "It's been so long since I did this—"
"It shows. Your nails look awful."
Sky didn't reply, but sank a little deeper into the couch. Yasmine was right, of course. Sky was well aware that her nails looked horrible. They were short and broken, the cuticles dry and peeling. A couple of days ago she had ripped off the remnants of the pink gel nails she'd gotten for Cody's birthday, and that had also torn off the outermost layer of the nail. What remained was raw and painful, and the nail technician who could fix this disaster would have to be a fucking wizard.
Those pink nails had been so pretty, but the memory of them came with an arrow through the heart. She had been so fucking excited about the party and everything that came with it. She had gotten a new dress and all, and had made sure that the shade of glittery pink of her nails had matched it perfectly.
And then - with herstupid, pretty nails and her stupid, pretty dress and her stupid, pretty shoes - she had gotten high, she had texted her ex, she had broken Cody's heart by saying I love you, I love you, I love you, and then Luke had died, and Cody—
Sky swallowed hard to keep down the bitter bile that was always lurking to climb up her throat these days. Her fingers curled into fists, hiding the ugly nails.
If Yasmine noticed her sudden emotion, she said nothing about it, just kept going through the color charts in her hands.
"These shades of red are gorgeous," she sighed dreamily, her fingers running over the nail-shaped models. "But let me guess. You're going for that hideous black one."
Sky glanced at her, a bit offended. Again, Yas was right, and again, Sky kinda hated it. But how could she pick anything but that one, the shade of black so deep that it looked just like the black hole in her chest felt? Empty and cold, without even a hint of starlight.
"And so what if I am?"
"Look, I understand this whole mourning attire thing. I do. But let's be honest here, black is not your thing. It drains the color from your skin, making you look all—" Yas scrunched up her cute, pointed nose. "Goulish."
"Goulish?" Sky repeated, confused that Yasmine was even familiar with that word. It sounded more like something Demetri would say.
"It's true."
"Yeah, well, maybe ghoulish is the look I'm going for."
Yasmine shrugged, and kept going through the color charts until she found a striking shade of glittery pink, named "Italian Love Affair". She clicked her sharp nail on it, a triumphant smile playing on her lips.
"This is the shade you want to pick."
Sky's stomach felt hollow, uneasy. Her palms grew sweaty. Italian Love Affair was very close to the shade she had worn for Cody's party.
"Yas—" she shifted uneasily on the couch, pushing her hands under her thighs to hide their trembling. "I just— I don't know, if—"
"Look, the whole red hair and pink thing—" Yas made a face. "That combination just shouldn't look good. On anyone else it wouldn't, but— I have to give it to you, you make it work. Pink looks a thousand times better on you than black! So trust me. This—" she clicked her nail on the chart again. "-is the shade you are looking for."
"You sound like Obi-wan," Sky rolled her eyes, and leaned back on the sofa, resting her head against the headrest.
"Please," Yasmine sighed. "Is that a Star Wars reference? That was the most boring movie experience of my life."
"Demetri made you?"
"Yes," Yas smirked, her smile growing wider. "But I made him pay for it later."
Yas' remark brought a brief smile onto Sky's lips. Yas and Dem were so cute, itt was impossible not to be happy for them. Their love was like a fucking fairytale
Unlike her own lovelife, which was a fucking nightmare.
With a sigh, Sky took the color chart from Yasmine and turned her attention to Italian Love Affair. It was a vibrant and eye-catching shade, not too soft but bold, energetic, beautiful. It was just the kind of color Sky would have picked for herself, before—
"Don't tell me you're going to keep up this black thing forever," Yasmine sighed, following the trail of her thoughts. "I told you, it makes you look miserable."
"I am miserable," Sky replied, a bit sharply. "It's only fitting that it shows."
Yas leaned back on the couch and crossed her long denim-covered legs in one, elegant motion, folding her hands in her lap. She gave Sky a look that made Sky feel she could see right through her.
"You think this is what Cody would have wanted? For you to pretend you don't like pink anymore? For you to stop living?"
Sky gripped the color chart in her hands, so hard that the plastic nails bit into her palms.
Don't be sad. It's not your fault.
Those had literally been Cody's last words for her. Don't be sad. His last wish, and yet another one Sky knew she could never grant. How could have he asked her not to be sad when he had known he was going to kill himself? Had he really thought Sky cared so little of him? Had he really thought she could just go on like nothing had happened, that she could just be happy when there was a hole in her chest, sucking out all joy, all life?
"Who are you to talk about what Cody would have wanted?" Sky asked, her voice coming out a bit sharp. "You didn't even like him."
"I never said I didn't like him. I said he had a reputation. And that he was short."
"Fine. Whatever," Sky muttered, and stuffed the color charts back to Yasmine. Maybe this had been a mistake. Maybe she should have just gone to the dojo, to hit the punching bag until her muscles ached so that she couldn't think, that she couldn't feel. All this pink was making her sick, and Yasmine's questions and comments weren't helping.
"So, what's the deal with you and Eli?" Yasmine asked after a short but awkward silence.
Sky let out a sigh and sank deeper into the couch. Great. She would have rather talked about dead mothers all day long than this. Maybe it wasn't too late to leave? She could still tell Yas that she wasn't feeling okay, and just go. It wouldn't even be a lie - the nausea was always there, the acrid taste at the back of her throat making her stomach roll.
"I don't know."
"Really? He's following you around looking like a lost puppy. If you're not going to take him home, you should just tell him so."
"It's… complicated."
"What's so complicated about it?" Yas asked. "You broke up with Cody to be with Eli, right? Then be with him."
"That's just it," Sky muttered, picking on her broken nails. "I broke up with Cody. I didn't— I didn't think he would die."
Yasmine's eyes turned darker, shadowed with seriousness Sky wasn't used to seeing in them.
"I know. But you had already dumped him before that. You had made up your mind about who you wanted to be with. I know you were going to go on a date with Eli on Valentine's Day—"
"You sure you want to talk about Valentine's Day?" Sky interrupted, her stomach clenching into a tight, tight knot. Her palms were suddenly hot with Cody's blood again, hot and sticky, the gunshot was ringing in her ears, she was going to be sick—
"No. I'm sorry. I'm just saying—" Yas paused for a second, a frown falling on her beautiful face. "That you shouldn't keep punishing yourself. Dressing in black for the rest of your life or pushing away the boy you're clearly in love with, won't bring Cody back."
Sky took a deep breath to push away the taste of blood, the sound of the gun. A deep, deep breath, and then another. God, she would have given anything for a shot of tequila instead of that mocktail, she would have given her right arm for a bottle of pills.
"You know, I did that, sort of," Yas said silently, after a short silence. "When my Mom died, I pushed everyone away, and— and kind of stopped living. I thought that… if I just didn't want to feel anything, I wouldn't. That if I was meaner and tougher than anyone, then no one would pity me, or ask me questions."
Sky turned her eyes to Yasmine, to her gorgeous features, her perfect makeup, her flawless style. She looked like a princess, just missing a crown, and for the first time, Sky realized that look was an armor, it was a shield as hard and shining as a diamond, protecting the real Yasmine that not many people got to see.
"I'm sorry about your Mom," she said softly. "I didn't know."
Yasmine shrugged her slender shoulders. "It's okay. I didn't know about yours. I did wonder why it was just you and your dad, though."
"It's always been just me and my dad. I'm so used to it, that most times I don't even think about it. My Dad's been a better mom than most Moms are, so."
It was the truth. Dad wasn't just a great parent - he was a literal lifesaver. All the things he had done for her— Sky knew she didn't deserve them, and yet she was clinging to Dad's love now more than ever. The nightmares kept her awake every night, but Dad never complained when she woke him up too, when she asked if he could make her a cup of hot chocolate, if he could stay in her room so that she wouldn't have to be alone.
She felt awful for putting him through all this, again, but he always said that there was nothing more important than her, that he would do anything to help.
It was more than most kids had. It certainly was more than Yasmine had - from the things Yas had said in the grief group, Sky had gathered that Yasmine's dad had pretty much thought that showering Yas with money and gifts would make her forget her mother was dead.
Too bad things weren't that simple.
"You know, my Mom wasn't exactly the mom of the year," Yasmine said, keeping her eyes on the color charts that she still had in her hands. "She wasn't around a lot. And she drank too much. I think she was drunk when she drowned too. But— she was my Mom, and I— I miss her. And I thought I was over it, that I was okay, but now… I can't believe Dad's getting married again. I mean, I know that it's been years, and it's not like I want him to spend the rest of his life alone and miserable, but… I hate the way he never talks about my Mom anymore. I just wish I didn't have to go to his wedding."
Something in Sky's chest turned and twisted painfully. She thought about Lisa. About how happy Dad had been when they had started dating, and how awful she had been about it, jealous and childish. Now that Dad and Lisa were on a break, one would have thought that she was happy.
Well, she wasn't.
Dad deserved better. He deserved his happily ever after, and Sky made a mental note that if Dad ever got Lisa back and they got married, she would volunteer to be a bridesmaid, she would wear whatever awful dress Lisa desired, she would cheer in the front row and catch the flowers and cry happy tears and dance until her feet ached.
But it didn't sound like Yasmine was ready to do all that in her Dad's wedding, and Sky couldn't really blame her. It was a whole different situation.
"So, can't you tell him you'd rather stay home?"
"It's a huge wedding, in Sydney. They have been planning it for months," Yasmine muttered. "My Dad said that if I make a scene and don't go, he'll take away my car. And I really like my car."
"Well, we can't have you lose your car. I don't see you taking the school bus."
A shudder went through Yas' spine at those words. She looked truly horrified.
"God, people really do that? No. Just, no. I'd have to ask Demetri to give me a ride. Every day."
"He would do that, though," Sky said truthfully. "He is nuts about you."
"Still," Yasmine's nose scrunched up in disgust. "It's his mother's car. Have you seen it? It's a Toyota."
Sky offered Yas a comforting smile and reached to take her hand, trying to hide the fact that she found Yas' genuine horror more than a bit amusing.
"I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I wish there was something I could do."
Yas let out a sigh and brushed a hand through her hair, but then her frown melted into a delighted smile as if she had suddenly thought of something amazing.
"Well, there is something we could do," she said, with a sleek grin. "I still have Dad's credit card."
Sky's brows arched high. "Oh. And what do you suggest we do with it?"
"First get our nails done, and after that—" She held a dramatic pause, looking smug as a cat. "We go dress shopping!"
Sky's eyes widened. "Dress-shopping? What are you talking about?"
"You're going to the prom— hey, no arguments! We're all sick and tiredof hearing Eli whining about how he still hasn't come up with a perfect way to ask you. Trust me, he is going to ask you. And you are going to say yes. For the prom, you need a dress."
"I don't—"
Yas interrupted her with a wave of her hand and continued: "And - I might not even want to attend, but my Dad's wedding is coming up and I need something gorgeous to wear. We are going shopping together."
Sky was still stuck at Yas' casual mention of how Eli was going to ask her to the prom and how she was supposedly saying yes, as if it was all that simple, as if prom didn't mean a thousand complicated and awful things she wasn't anywhere near enough to deal with.
"But—"
"No buts," Yas said with a tone that told resistance would be futile. "We're going. Or would you rather go with Sam and Moon and their mothers?"
The way Yas said that word made Sky realize she knew exactly how horrendous that idea was, how hurtful it would be to be the only motherless one in the group. She made a face and a shudder ran through her spine.
"No. I really don't want to go with their mothers."
"Great," Yas' grin widened. "I'm much better at shopping anyway. You'll thank me in the end."
"Fine, I guess we're going," Sky sighed. "But come on, not today. You'll still have your Dad's credit card next week, won't you?"
"Alright. I can make an appointment for us at Twirl and Swirl. They adore me. And—" She added, delighted. "They serve Champagne, without asking how old you are."
"Oh," that got Sky's interest. Maybe dress shopping wouldn't be so bad if she was a bit drunk. Maybe she would even enjoy it. Maybe she would even buy something, and maybe, maybe, maybe she would say yes, when Eli finally asked her.
Suddenly that thought didn't feel as suffocating as it had before. In fact, it felt like there were butterflies trapped in her stomach.
"So, it's decided then." Yas was beaming. "It'll be so much fun! Oh, we should also go to—"
Her sentence was interrupted as the door opened and a beautiful woman dressed in pink, with a smile wider and whiter than Sky had ever seen, walked into the room.
"I'm sorry for the wait, we are ready for you now," she said and glanced from Yas to Sky. "Have you decided on the color yet?"
"I have," Sky replied, feeling a sudden rush of courage running through her veins at the thought of dresses and prom and saying yes. She picked up the color chart from Yasmine's lap and held it up. "I'm going for "Italian Love Affair."
