Chapter 48:
Kara was not listening. Her eardrums were deaf to sounds. Her inner core had caved into itself. If the possibility of a child is not what you desire...Kara had finally accepted that her body was not made for childbearing. The clear symptoms of her ineptitude could not be ignored...her irregular cycles, her previous unfruitful attempts...and yet. Her mind began to wonder. The nausea, the lack of appetite, the exhaustion, her breathless lungs...could it be? She turned in terror towards the Tailor and pried her healer's bag from his hands. She opened its leather flap and rummaged until she found what she wanted...a disc-shaped resonator made by Luka. She shoved the device into Timofei's hands and place the resonator under her shirt...onto her skin...under her navel. Then she demanded, " Listen and tell me what it is you hear". Timofei was skeptical. He had seen Kara use the object but had never tried it before. He gently place the two metal extremities into his ears and shut his eyes to listen. He heard a distinct heartbeat and then...a more rapid fragile rhythm.
Timofei opened his eyes in shock and saw Kara waiting, searching his face hungrily. He only had to nod for her to succumb to the strangest hysteria he had ever seen. She both wept and laughed, her face contorting both in anger and bliss. Baghra clapped her hands to her heart, having understood the exchange. The hag looked stricken, " I am not one to apologies. I cannot lie. This child you bare is the answer to a long forgotten prayer. Forgive me. Ask what you will of me, call when you need of me. My Small Science and my services are yours". Kara could still not focus. There was another LIFE sharing her body. Her own desire to become a mother would come true. Her limbs were suddenly flush with this new truth. To what purpose? She had no memory of her own mother. How could she ever do the hardest mission in the world RIGHT? She knew not. Despite the news being terribly fresh...despite her lack of experience... she would protect the child with every fiber of her being.
Kara grew suddenly very calm, a stark contrast with the previous hysteria. She rose slowly to her feet as did Timofei. The Tailor had never seen the healer so absolutely resolute...of infinite serenity and purpose. Kara walked to Baghra and pushed the crone inside. The shadow summoner was taken by surprise. No one had ever dared to touch her. The frail body who shoved her was now tight with driven energy. She could do little to respond...Her shadow summoning could do nothing against the immune. She let the wounded healer slam her into her wooden stool. Kara began to prance back and forth within the hut. Timofei watched from the entrance with worry. The one-eyed healer had so many questions, she did not know where to start. She had traveled two days...if she needed to stay all night to get her answers...she would.
She began with a simple one, " This child...is it Grisha? Or ungifted? Or immune?". The elder woman shook her head, " If you were yourself Grisha or ungifted I would be able to use my amplifying abilities and tell you...your immunity blinds me and protects the child. I know not what you bear". Kara's heart sank. Given how Alexhander had reacted to her immunity, she could only guess his reaction if his child did not possess any Small Science. She loved the man. She truly did. Yet...her priorities had drastically shifted just a moment ago. She needed to hear the truth from his mother. " How would Alexhander react if his child had no Small Science?". Baghra's throat grew tight. She had no prejudice on her grandchild. She would love it no matter its powers or lack thereof. She had made the mistake of seeking power in her early years. She had learned her lesson. Her son had not. The weathered Grisha spoke gently, " You know my son. He strikes out with the cut when he is AFRAID. He is always afraid. Mostly, he is afraid of losing those he loves. fight or flight is his response. If you carry a mortal child, he very well could leave you out of fear of having one day to witness his child's death. If you bear a lesser Grisha, he will push the child to exhaustion in training, making him/her as tough as possible. He might even search the edges of this earth for amplifiers to make the child as powerful as himself...out of misplaced love".
Kara disliked what she heard but knew it to be true. What did his mother have to gain from distancing her from her son? She could lose all encounters with her future grandchild because of it. She could not lie. Kara's heart was about to break. She shivered in apprehension. She could not bear that her future child be ignored or bullied into a shape he did not choose. That would not be her baby's future. Kara shifted her questions to herself. She quickly continued, " What of me? Am I of any threat to others? Can the Merzost in my blood be...used against my will?". The crone shook her head, " I do not think so... You are so pure of any magic...the Merzost I felt on you is but a drop in an ocean. You do not respond to Small Science. It flows around you. You are mortal and will die when your time comes. That is all". The healer was relieved but still wondered on a memory. She shifted her weight and looked in wonder at Timofei. She asked again, " When we were in the Fold, after you raced back through the barrier... The Volcra turned on me. It did not see me. Did not acknowledge my existence. I guess it makes sense now. If I do not have small science, I fell like nothing to them. Air. Only air".
Baghra had grown very silent. She was astounded by the news. So an immune...could cross the Fold unchecked? Kara's mind was a quick one. She was bound to ask other questions that would dig up the past. The crone was curious to see how far she would go in her instincts... how this newfound motherhood would turn her into a wolf. Kara turned trembling to the elder. Her voice was soft now. She licked her lips nervously, " When I was in the Fold. I felt something". Baghra raised an eyebrow, " I am not in your mind girl. Do tell". Kara hesitated, " The...fabric, the nature of the Fold. It felt...familiar". Baghra clicked her tongue. The healer was very sharp indeed. " There is a reason why it feels familiar to you. You've encountered it before", added the shadow summoner. Kara began, " Did...you?". The crone stopped her quickly, " No. I am not at the origin of that atrocity. The Fold was made in rage and fear against the world of the ungifted. WITH Merzost. I have NEVER wielded such dark Small Science". Kara shook, awaiting the answer. Baghra's voice was like a knife slamming into her already bleeding soul. She felt herself dying when she heard, " It was Alexhander. Alexhander made the Fold".
The silence that followed was deafening. It bit into all the ones in the room. Timofei's eyes were wide with disbelief. Kara was in a profound state of choc. It could not be true. The man who had challenged her, seen her qualities, protected her, defended her and loved her...could not be responsible for the worst event of Ravkan history. Her mind refused the information. She shook her head, " No. That cannot be. Alexhander is powerful but could not produce such a barrier". Baghra sighed, " He did not know what he was doing. He had just lost...someone dear to him. We were cornered, to be shot down by the Tsar's armies arrows. He felt defeated and helpless". Kara narrowed her eyes and snapped, " There is no excuse for creating such a monstrosity. The Fold is evil". Baghra raised her hand in defeat, " I am not trying to defend him. I am explaining what I know of him. My son could be seen as evil by most. He has also done a lot of good. he's paid his debts. I chose to forgive him".
Kara felt cold and dead inside. The father of her child was darker than she had suspected. She had had her suspicions of a tortured soul...but not this. Kara raised her chin in defiance. " What if I choose differently? What if I cannot overlook his past?". Kara sat at the table and took Baghra's hand. It was a strangely gentle gesture, two women facing a difficult moment together. The Shadow summoner wanted to pull away, the lack of Small Science in the healer's skin making hers crawl. Yet, Kara's single blue eye was so gentle that the elder was taken aback. Kara insisted, " What if Alexhander cannot be a good father to this child?". Baghra took a deep breath. She could lie. She could take her horse running to her son and tell him all she had heard here. He would have Kara kept close until she gave birth to the child. Her grandchild would be safe, but at what cost? She looked at the healer's fiery gaze and recognized a younger version of herself. Determined, protective and forlorn. Baghra had not been a gentle mother. She had loved her son and made him strong. Had she been too tough? surely she had been out of necessity to survive. She had been sure that her son was strong enough. So she had not feared facing the immensity of the world with him. This immune youngster already loved the baby in her womb. Yet it could be born weak. it could be born...ungifted. Alexhander would not stand by the child in that case. So Baghra made the choice not to lie. She looked proudly at the healer and said, " Then you should do as I have done. The man I chose to father Alexhander would never have been a good father. I left him before he could claim his paternity".
Kara's breath hitched. So there is was. The terrible truth she had been waiting for. She had known all along that someday, she would leave her lover to grow old alone. To build another life away from his eternal youth. She was not expecting it to happen so soon...so quickly. Both her eyes wept. The bandage felt too hot and she removed it as she cried. It fell away to reveal the rest of her face. The tears were cleansing. Her closed eye sealed before, was slowly mellowed by the tears. The scab wound that struck her eyelid shut was beginning to wash away. Kara continued to weep, Baghra still holding her hand. The shadow summoner felt her own heart break. By giving this advice she had also sealed her own fate. She might never see her grandchild. Maybe it was a punishment well earned. She should never have struck that deal with her father. Kara wiped her eye with the fallen bandage and felt her eye suddenly free. She tentatively cracked the lid open, feeling no pain from it. As she completely opened her eye, her head began to throb. The hut was too bright. Her wounded eye too sensitive to its light. How had her valid eye not warned her of the intense radiance in the hut?
The healer made a move to cover her eye but a hand snapped out and grabbed her wrist. She was startled by the quickness of the Grisha by her side. Baghra pulled her close and murmured, " Let me see that eye". Kara hesitated and opened her lid once more. The elder shivered in fright. The healer's pupil was completely dilated, taken up all the space where a blue iris once was. It made her eye look black, in clear contrast with her other blue orb. The clear white on each side of her dilated pupil was fractured by damaged blood vessels. She would heal. However, her pupil would never give place back to the iris. Timofei moved to face his guardian and gasped. Kara tried to look away. She whimpered, " please, it's too bright in here." Timofei shook his head in disbelief. " Kara its not bright at all. Look outside, it is nearly dark out". Sure enough, the sun was setting fast, giving the forest of pines and its clearing a haunted look. Kara was unsure what to make of this news. Her eye was free but she would have to wear an eye patch. Her mind felt like exploding with the searing pain of sight. What would her lover think of her now? Would her patients trust her still with their lives? Would Yurii turn away in shame?
When she emerged from the hut, she felt like a completely different person. Her visit here had been a transformation of a kind. She left the forest both a cripple and a mother. She had lost and gained all in one day. As exhausted as she was, she leaned with little care against Timofei. He held her firmly as he lead her away to their horses. Baghra had accompanied them to the edge of the forest. Kara was pushed onto her horse and forced to hold her reins tight like one would instruct to a new trainee. Baghra looked at the rider and said, " I won't tell a soul of what we have spoken. You have my word". Kara nodded, her mind both relieved and dumbfound. The healer asked a surprising question, " If I wanted to contact you...ask for your aid if need be...how would I go about it?". The crone chuckled, " Talk to the Squaller training the younger Grisha troops. His name is Grigoriy. He'll let me know you need me". The crone slipped a dark ring off her finger and gave it to the healer. She whispered, " Do not let my son see this. Use it to gain Grigoriy's trust. He will not believe otherwise that I would converse with an ungifted. Farewell".
Timofei stopped the witch before she could return to her woods. " Mamasha, I had but one question. I am cursed by a blood oath made to your son. I must stay by my guardians side or otherwise die. I would wish to be freed. Is there a way?". Baghra looked away to the horizon. Timofei's heart froze with her words, " There is no way of breaking an oath. Each word has its importance. As you would with any vow, the truth lies in the wiggle room you can take in the words chosen. All I can say is, remember EXACTLY the words used during your vow. Maybe...just maybe you'll find your freedom in what was said with little care. Now GO".
