Chapter 18

The annoying drill of the alarm clock woke Carlisle up. He groaned, reached out over Esme to switch it off, then rolled back into bed and hugged her tight to his body, burying his face in her hair. She smelled very good, he noticed for the hundredth time. She laughed and rubbed his back.

"Sweetheart…"

"Mmm… Don't want to go…"

She giggled again and ran a hand through his hair.

"You need to, darling, you have a job to do. Plus, Tanya will kill you."

"That's true…"

Tanya would indeed gladly rip his head off and, of course, he loved being a doctor, but right now he really didn't want to get out of the warm cradle of Esme's arms. Maybe he could tell Tanya he was hungover ?

"I'll make something up. We could always call her and say that I'm – sick. Again."

She was playing with his hair, which broke his concentration.

"Hmm. I doubt that would work."

"You're right," he sighed. "Besides, I'm a pretty lousy liar."

She smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. He grinned in return and kissed her lips lightly.

"I love you, Esme," he whispered, gazing with adoration into her eyes.

She brought their mouths together again. As their lips and tongues danced together, his hands ran along her sides and gently explored her stomach, went higher, brushing the sides of her breasts, and cupped her shoulders. It was strange, but he kind of wished they were naked right now. He simply yearned to feel her, longed for the barriers that separated them to disappear. She was so warm, he wanted to get so close to her he would melt. He longed to touch her bare body everywhere, and he desired to feel her do the same to him.

"Carlisle ?" she said against his mouth.

"Yes, darling ?"

He rubbed their noses together affectionately and she smiled.

"You were right, I do love hearing you call me that."

He grinned, happy that what affected him so much seemed to have an impact on her, too.

"What did you want to say ?"

"I – was wondering whether or not – you want us to — make love."

He blushed so hard even his ears were red.

"...Do you mean now ?"

He certainly wouldn't be opposed to it, but he would've liked a little more mental preparation. He didn't even have condoms.

"Oh, God, no !" Esme said.

He smiled. It was comforting that she too didn't seem quite ready.

"I was just thinking – you know, eventually. We don't really have the time right now anyway. You do have to go to work."

He sighed in defeat and kissed her shoulder, then her hair.

"I will."

He paused. Should he continue the subject ?

"But before I go, I just want you to know that – I do. Want to have sex with you, I mean."

"Oh. Great," she replied with a relieved smile.

Had she thought he didn't want to ?

"Me too. I – think you're very beautiful," she continued.

"So are you," he said, stroking her cheek. "I feel – very attracted to you."

He flushed again when he thought about a certain thing he should probably bring up.

"I – I'll have to buy condoms."

They didn't want any accidents happening.

She nodded, her head against his chest. He played with her long caramel curls for a while, not thinking about anything, simply enjoying the moment.

"I adore your hair," he breathed. "It's so beautiful."

She smiled and reached up to kiss his cheek. Right after, he captured her lips with his. Their kiss grew passionate, hands tangling in each other's hair, each clutching the other's body to their own, and they rolled around in the bed, arms locked around each other. Esme kissed every inch of Carlisle's face, while he ran his hands along her back.

When they surfaced again, Carlisle was laying on his back across the bed, his hands holding Esme's waist. She was on top of him, her long hair falling on his shoulders. They were both breathing hard.

"Sorry," he murmured.

She smiled.

"Don't be, my darling. I loved it."

She trailed kisses across his neck and pleasure coursed through him.

"Am I crushing you ?"

"No, not at all," he answered, holding her tight.

The only issue was that she was brushing a part of him that was only begging to get closer to her, and demanded that they both remove all their clothing. She shifted slightly above him, and from the expression on her face he guessed she'd sensed it. His face immediately changed colour.

"Oh – sorry – really – I didn't mean to – I can move if you want –"

She looked embarrassed, too.

"I – Don't worry."

She got off him. He would've expected her to recoil away from him, but she lay next to him, draping an arm across his waist.

"Really, don't worry," she repeated, catching his worried look. Her cheeks were pink. "It's only natural. And I should probably keep my advantage and stay silent, but I feel – the same."

Did she mean he turned her on ? Well, he was very happy and relieved that it was mutual. And he felt – kind of honoured that she felt that sort of attraction for him.

"We could – sleep together tonight. If you want to," she added, playing with the fabric of his pyjama shirt, avoiding his eyes.

"I –" He cleared his throat. "I'd love to. I just thought I should mention that – that I am a – virgin."

It was his turn to look away as he spoke, but he still caught her surprised look.

It was kind of strange that, at thirty-one, he'd never slept with anyone, but he'd simply never got the opportunity. He hadn't really liked anyone in particular in high school, and had had no real desire to have sex. Later, in med school, he'd been too focused on his studies to attend the numerous parties the other students organized (during which a number of persons lost their virginity thanks to alcohol — or drugs), and took care of Edward rather than going out.

Now, though, he was truly in love for the first time in his life (his middle school girlfriend, with whom he'd been for five days, after which she'd sent him a text declaring it was over between them, didn't count), he was feeling sexual attraction for someone for the first time too, and he had no experience in that area. He absolutely did not want to mess things up with Esme. Sex was certainly not the most important aspect of a romantic relationship (at least in Carlisle's opinion) but what if he was bad at it and Esme was disappointed ?

"Oh," she said. "Well, that's not a problem. Though – I'm not. A virgin. If you want to change your mind –"

"No, never !"

She was still Esme, incredible, perfect Esme. Just because she'd already had sex certainly did not make her worth any less in Carlisle's eyes. He was only worried that he wouldn't be good enough. After all, she'd already experienced it. Maybe her partner (or partners) had been amazingly good at it. Should he search for advice or tips on the Internet ? Probably not. It was the best way to end up on dubious sites. Should he ask someone who'd know what they'd be talking about ? But who ? Tanya had experience, he (unfortunately) knew, but he'd never hear the end of it if he asked her. And he didn't know her (or anyone) well enough to ask that kind of thing (even though Tanya wasn't exactly reserved and had already alluded many times to her sex life).

He took Esme's hand and kissed it.

"I'm only scared I won't live up to your expectations," he confessed truthfully. "I – I'm terrified I won't – pleasure you like I should."

Had he said too much ? Would she change her mind ?

She smiled fondly and caressed his hair.

"I don't have that much experience either, Carlisle, honey. We'll just do this together. We have all the time in the world to learn."

He nodded with a happy grin at that thought, and kissed her tenderly again. They were drawing apart, when she looked above his shoulder and saw the alarm clock.

"Carlisle ! You're going to be late !"

Oops.

"At this point, do I really have to go ?" he asked, giving her a pleading look. "Tanya will scold me anyway."

"Yes, you really have to go."

He made a sad face, but sat up.

"I'm only doing this for you, my love."

"For me, and for your salary."

He laughed and kissed her cheek.

He didn't have time to take a shower. He got dressed and put on his shoes, coat, and grabbed his bag. One last quick kiss to Esme's temple, then a longer one to her lips, after which she laughed and said, stroking his hair, that he really had to go. He made a sad face, and she kissed him ("This one's really the last one, darling, you need to go," she declared in gentle admonishment.) He took a piece of toast with him to eat on the train. In the end, he miraculously managed to arrive on time and quickly slipped past Tanya directly to his office.

Esme had opened the newsstand and the first wave of customers had already come and gone (though she'd missed a few of them by being a little late — she didn't regret it, though, laying in bed with Carlisle had been entirely worth it). She hoped he'd arrived on time, but he hadn't replied to her text. Surely he was in surgery. Or his phone didn't have any battery left.

She was chatting with Feathers, who was comfortably installed in her new cage, next to the radiator that was warming both of them nicely, when her phone rang. It was Emmett.

"Guess what, Es ?" he exclaimed as soon as she took the call. "I've got a girlfriend !"

"Oh, wow ! Congratulations !"

"I know, right ?"

He laughed. Esme smiled at her brother's enthusiasm.

"How did that happen ?" she asked.

"Well, you already know I was at her place yesterday evening. It was the end of dinner, and I decided to ask her if she liked anyone. Just to, you know, see if it was absolutely hopeless or if I had a tiny chance. She said that she had a crush on a guy, but that he didn't catch onto any of her hints or attempts at flirting. I was super sad because obviously the guy was not me, and I replied that the guy was too dumb for her and that she deserved someone better than him. That's when she said that I had just called myself dumb, and that she was in love with me."

"That's amazing ! I'm so glad you're finally together ! I told you she had a crush on you."

He ignored her (fair enough, she'd have done the same) and continued :

"And then we made out and spent the night together and it was amazing and she's the most wonderful woman that ever existed."

"She is. Where is she right now ?"

"In the shower."

"Well, tell her I said hello and that I had predicted how this would end."

"'Kay."

He paused, and then sighed amorously :

"Oh my God, I'm so happy."

She laughed.

"I'm happy that you're happy."

She was certain he was smiling.

"Thanks. What about you, by the way ? Did you and Doctor Carl get anywhere ?"

"Actually, yes –"

He interrupted her by whooping.

"You'll never guess thanks to whom," she continued.

"Who ?"

"A homeless guy in the tube."

"I can't see how he could have done anything. Did he confess his undying love to you and Carlisle challenged him to a fight to the death and the one who won would get you ?"

Esme laughed.

"No. He was playing with beer caps and throwing them around in the train, and one of them landed on Carlisle's mouth, so I kissed him."

"You kissed the homeless guy ?"

"No, I kissed Carlisle !"

"But that's disgusting, that dirty beer cap touched his mouth !"

She sighed.

"I was only joking around – at first. And his mouth tasted very good."

Maybe she shouldn't have said that, but, a) it was true, and, b) Emmett had already told her much worse.

"Okay. Okay. You kissed him, and so now, you're together ?"

"I guess."

She blushed at the reminder of what they'd talked of in the morning, and what they'd planned for the night. She desired him, and she'd been happy to learn he wanted her, too. With his good looks, it was a surprise that he was a virgin, but who was she to judge. The only problem with his status was that she didn't want him to be distressed over whether or not he'd be 'good enough'. She didn't care that much about sex. It was only a bonus – a bonus that could be very nice, but she would never break up with him because he wasn't good in bed. She loved him too much on an intellectual plan.

"That's great ! The process was not very clean, but we'll forget it."

"Thank you," she laughed.

"You're welcome, sis."

They talked a little about various things, such as how Feathers was, and decided they would try to spend New Year's Eve together, with Rosalie and Carlisle, if everyone's schedule permitted it, before hanging up.

Carlisle gathered his things quickly. He'd told Esme he would come back around 8 p.m, but a last minute emergency had come in, and it was now nearing 9 o'clock, which meant he wouldn't be home before 9:30 or later. He would've texted her so she didn't worry, but he'd realized he'd forgotten his phone on the small table in the living room.

He was walking hastily towards the elevator when Tanya called :

"Hey, Carlisle !"

He sighed, but turned around :

"Listen, I should hurry, Esme's probably wondering what I'm doing –"

"Sorry. I only wanted to tell you that Leah accepted to move in with me. I would have picked a better time if I'd known."

"Don't worry, it's just that I forgot my phone and I don't want Esme to think something happened. I'm very happy for you. See you tomorrow !"

"Goodbye."

He hastened to get out of the hospital, but lost a few more minutes by stopping at a drugstore to buy condoms before getting into the Underground.

He was just getting out of the station. Only a few hundred meters and he would be with Esme again. Did she expect him to kiss her when he'd see her ? Probably, right ? He wanted to, anyway. He smiled to himself, looking down, and quickened his pace again, before stopping right into his tracks as his gaze came back up.

The newspapers stand was on fire.