5 = And Then There Were Three...

"AHHH!"

CRASH!

The robotic leg thing spluttered and died mid-flight, sending all three falling hard to the ground in a heap. Nina tried to cast a protective field around them but her screwed up powers wouldn't cooperate.

Wade looked up from where his head had been resting on Logan's chest. "Well this is nice! Hey, where's Shorty?'

"Right here!" came her muffled voice. "I'm underneath both of you - and not in a sexy way." Logan's body shifted as she peeked out from under his shoulder. Yup, she was sandwiched under them both.

Wade snorted with laughter at her predicament and looked down at Logan from where their faces hovered close. "What'cha thinking about?"

"Get the fuck off of me," the man in the middle snarled.

"Shh, shh, shh, almost done-"

"Almost done what?"

"Getting my knife out of your buttocks. Geez, get your mind out of my pants! I'm telling Blake!"

"Um, excuse me, being crushed by an adamantium skeleton right now!" she hissed.

"Aw, I bet that's not the first or second or even third time you've been crushed by that skeleton."

"Yeah but then it was a lot more enjoyable!" she fired back.

"Oh! I'll have what she's having!"

"Get off!" Logan shoved Wade off and got to his feet. He looked down at Nina, still sprawled out. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute."

Logan whirled back to Wade. "New rules: I talk now."

"That's going to be very hard on the audience."

"Shut the fuck up! Now let me fucking think - we have to find the others, right?" Wade, the little shit he was. remained silent as requested. "Right?"

"Je m'excuse, am I allowed to speak now?"

"Just nod, asshole."

Wade nodded overenthusiastically.

"We need to get back to the TVA so they can fix my shit like you fucking promised. And to do that we need to get to the borderlands and find the others."

"Ooo, I smell quest," Wade said, ignoring the 'new rules'. Nina peeled herself off the ground and got to her feet. Logan sniffed. "You smell it too?"

"I smell food."


What had once been a roadside diner was now in shambles. But it offered a kind of sanctuary. Kind of.

"So what happened for you to finally wear an honest to god costume?" Wade said between mouthfuls of the canned food they had scavenged in the remains of the place. "And why yellow? Mine's red so they can't see me bleed, and Shorty's is purple because she's colour blind to every other colour. But I can see why yellow would be a good choice too."

Logan stopped momentarily in his shuffling around to ask, "Have you been checked for ADHD?"

"Nuh uh." Wade shook his head. "But I have had several STDs which were probably caused by the ADHD..." He shrugged, then called, "Shorty, come join me." He waved her over to the empty booth.

"Oh no, I'm stilled pissed at you," she told him from where she was sitting alone at the far end of the counter. Then, "What are you looking for?" she asked Logan.

"Something to drink." He snapped open a first aid kit and grabbed a small bottle.

"Oh no, that's rubbing alcohol," warned Wade. "Ohh, yeah, okay, fuck that liver." Logan took a deep gulp and plopped himself in the booth across from Wade.

"Want to talk about what's haunting you, or should we wait for a third act flashback?"

"Don't push, unless you want to get impaled - again," she grumbled.

"Yeah, go fuck yourself," Logan told him, before picking up his can of food and moving to the opposite end of the counter, back turned.

"Okay, we'll talk about what's haunting me then: I'm trying to prove to my girlfriend that I matter."

"You have a girlfriend?" exclaimed Logan.

"Yeah, Vanessa."

"Maybe you should stop trying to prove to other people that you matter and first work on proving to yourself that you do," Nina suggested.

Wade held up a hand. "Hey, I didn't ask for this introspection. Vanessa... When we met she was a dancer. We had a nice life, all planned out. It was nice. But then I went and fucked that all up real nice. So now I'm trying to fix things. I tried to join the Avengers, but they didn't want me."

"Fuck the Avengers," Logan grumbled.

"For the longest time I wanted to be an X-Man, like you. You know, in my world you're - well regarded." Wade rolled his eyes. "You were an X-Man - fuck that, you were the X-Man. The Wolverine. He was a hero in my world."

"In our world," Nina agreed.

"Yeah, well he ain't shit in mine."

Her heart swelled. It was like having him right there, so close and yet so far. He's not your Logan, she kept having to remind herself, like a stab in the chest. He's not the same.

And clearly, whatever it was that was haunting him was truly awful.


"How'd it happen?" Logan asked as they continued their walk.

"How did what happen?"

"You said your Logan was the Anchor Being of your universe and he died. How?"

Before she could say anything, Wade opened his big mouth. "Oh, well you kinda got chest-fucked by a tree."

Nina stopped walking and chuckled darkly. "Could you be any more insensitive? How about we take it from someone who was actually there and who saw it happen." Her whole body had suddenly gone tense with the traumatic memories. "We were protecting the kids from the sick fucks who called themselves doctors. You - he," she caught herself, but too late. "-Were becoming more run down with every moment. And then, suddenly, he was impaled right there in front of us, and wasn't healing. Laura held me as I held him and he died, right there in our arms. Laura had to pry my arms from around him in order to bury him. That's how I remember it."


Wade suddenly stopped walking, staring ahead.

"What is it?"

"Woof woof!"

The most wrinkled dog, dressed in, well, the dog version of Wade's suit, was bounding towards them, eyes bugging out, long tongue lolling to the side.

Wade ripped off his mask, beaming from ear-to-ear, and dropped to his knees where the dog jumped right into his awaiting arms.

"Oh! Look at you! Hello gorgeous!" The dog ravaged him with kisses. "Oh, she's coming with us!"

"No she's not!" Logan protested immediately.

"Yes!"

"Fuck no!"

"Oh, aren't you the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Nina gushed. The dog turned in Wade's arms and snuggled close to her. She made what sounded like a content snorting noise, squished between the two doting mutants.

"It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen," Logan grumbled. "And it's not coming with us-"

"Sorry! Sorry!"

A new voice joined them - although very familiar.

It was another Wade.

Saw the movie again - too good!

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! :)