Valentine's Day caught Hermione entirely by surprise. It was only through Pansy's loud, excited babble and jumper with hearts on it that Hermione remembered, and she had to sprint up to the owlery to send obligation chocolates to her male friends. Valentine's Day might be stupid, but she wasn't about to mess up a wizarding custom now.
Given their last-second nature, it was a box of chocolate frogs she'd gotten at Christmas tied to owls and sent off individually with hastily-charmed tags as her valentines this year. Hermione shooed the owls off, sending them out of the Owlery, before racing back down the tower to the Great Hall, hoping to dodge teachers – students still weren't supposed to go anywhere alone.
There was a crowd of students at the entryway to the Great Hall, pushing to get in, and Hermione hastily blended in, finding Tracey quickly.
"What's going on?" she asked, craning her neck.
Tracey was laughing.
"Lockhart," she said. "Just Lockhart."
When the Slytherins finally filed into the Great Hall, Hermione's eyes went wide – the walls were covered with large, lurid pink flowers, and there was heart-shaped confetti falling from the ceiling as if it were rain. The rumors that Lockhart was planning something to improve student morale suddenly clicked into place, and she groaned.
"I may vomit," Hermione declared, and Tracey giggled.
The Slytherins all looked collectively disgusted at the spectacle, though there were some smirks of amusement. Lockhart was wearing lurid pink robes to match the decorations, and the other teachers looked as if they were physically restraining themselves from violence. Lockhart was waving his arms for silence, beaming at them all.
"Happy Valentine's Day!" he called out into the hall, and the students quieted. "And may I thank the forty-five people who have so far sent me cards! Yes, I have taken the liberty of arranging this little surprise for you all – and it doesn't end here!"
Lockhart clapped his hands, and through the doors to the entrance hall marched a dozen, surly-looking…
"What are those?" Hermione hissed at Millie, who looked surprised.
"Dwarfs," she said. "Though they look none too pleased."
The dwarfs were wearing golden wings and carrying harps, all twelve of them looking very resentful indeed.
"My friendly, card-carrying cupids!" beamed Lockhart. "They will be roving around the school today delivering your valentines!"
"Wait, what?" Daphne said, paying attention suddenly, her eyes wide. "They are going to be delivering our valentines? Publicly?"
"Lockhart must have redirected the mail," Hermione said. She exchanged a horrified glance with Daphne. Pansy tossed her head and sniffed.
"What's the big deal with that?" she said, haughty. "Getting valentines at breakfast is public as well."
"Yes, but you can't hide it when you get something in the middle of class like you might with breakfast," Hermione said, gritting her teeth. "It's all well and good if you get small, appropriate trinkets, but what if Crabbe sent you a necklace that you got in the middle of Charms?"
Pansy froze, and Hermione gave her a curt smile.
"Exactly," she said. "Not so easy if you suddenly have to spurn someone in public, is it?"
Blaise was smirking, she noticed, and Hermione turned to him.
"What's so funny?" she demanded, and Blaise only grinned.
"Do you think his mail ward is still working?" he asked her.
Hermione looked at him, slowly considering, before a mischievous smirk spread across her own face.
"If I were Lockhart, I'd leave it up all day," she said casually. "Wouldn't want to miss anything, after all."
Lockhart was going on about asking Professor Flitwick about Entrancing Enchantments, but Blaise and Hermione were exchanging sneaky glances, both eyeing their schedules to see how much time they had before their first class.
All day long, the dwarfs kept barging into their classes to deliver valentines, to the annoyance of the teachers. It was clear that Lockhart was unfamiliar with the pureblood traditions around Valentine's Day that had developed – dwarf after dwarf stomped into Transfiguration to give the boys in Slytherin individual chocolates, while those in Ravenclaw seemed to only be getting special valentines, fancy ones sent individually. Professor McGonagall was talking extremely loudly, ignoring the dwarfs as best she could as she taught, and Hermione had a moment of empathy for her. How obnoxious, to have to teach in these conditions. No wonder she had been furious with Lockhart.
After Transfiguration, the dwarfs had seemed to have gotten the obligation chocolates out of the way, and they came back, this time carrying cards as students were changing classes.
"Draco Malfoy?" shouted a grim-looking dwarf. He elbowed people out of the way to get to Draco, who had frozen between Crabbe and Goyle, looking alarmed. "I've got a musical message to deliver to Draco Malfoy in person."
He twanged the harp in a threatening way, and Draco paled.
"I'm—I'm him," he admitted. The dwarf advanced, plucking his strings, and Blaise and Hermione both exchanged a glance, trying very hard not to snicker.
"I have a musical valentine for Draco Malfoy," another dwarf declared, stalking towards the other dwarf angrily. The first dwarf glared.
"I got here first," he said warningly, and the second dwarf grumbled but fell silent.
"'m goin' next," he muttered.
"Now then," the first dwarf said, clearing his throat and twanging his harp. "Here is your singing valentine:
With eyes as silver as a sickle under the moon,
and hair as shining as a galleon at noon,
you pranced through the halls and into my life,
upturning everything and bringing nothing but strife.
How can I study when it's for you I long?
How is my heart so weak while you seem so strong?
I crash in the halls and walk into doors.
I daydream all day what it'd be like to be yours.
I wish I could tell you, but tradition says I must not.
I keep it secret, though you plague my every thought.
I hope for a sign, I hope for a glance, I hope for a ring,
Because it's only you, Draco, who makes my heart sing.
Hermione and Blaise watched as a crowd gathered to watch the spectacle. The dwarf's singing was horrible, the cadence and melody only barely there throughout the song. Though Draco's face had been pale, as the song went on, his cheeks flushed, and he looked around curiously. Hermione wondered if he was looking for a clue as to who might have sent it.
"How did you come up with that in the ten minutes before class?" Blaise hissed, and Hermione smirked.
"Lots of practice," she whispered back. "Coming up with bad poetry is easier than rhyming incantations."
Blaise snickered. "He doesn't seem to think it's bad."
"Then he clearly has no taste." Hermione folded her arms and smirked. "But that might be even more fun."
As the song finished, the first dwarf stalked off, and the second approached.
"Draco Malfoy," he said. "Right. Here's your singing valentine:
Draco Malfoy, you're really fit
And you know it - you're such a flirt
But despite your arrogance and all of it,
I really want you under my skirt.
At this, the crowd roared with laughter, and Draco's face burned bright red in embarrassment. Blaise and Hermione were laughing in the back along with the rest of them when Tracey and Millie found them.
"Is that what you two ran off to do this morning?" Tracey asked, giggling. "Oh, he's going to be so mad when he finds out it was you two!"
"If he finds out," Blaise stressed, and Tracey waved her hand dismissively.
"When," she insisted. "He'll never rest until he knows who sent him that first one. Did you see the hearts he practically had in his eyes?"
"We sent them with affection," Blaise insisted, his eyes glinting. "We know how Draco loves to be admired publicly, and we thought he'd appreciate the attention."
The four were still laughing as they went off to class.
