Hey everyone! What do you think? Let me know what you think of this chapter ... I sense two people are getting a lil closer ... but which two ;) OK OK i need some feedback. I'm a little unsure about this story, but I think I enjoy writing it. Sorry for the delay but I've been sick since mid september with some disgusting bug that wont back up! Also another update of New York Evening by the end of the weekend. :) ENJOY!
"Hey Benson, everyone wants to know what's happens between you and Langan after everyone leaves the change room, do we need to give your Mommy a call?" Blasko yelled at Noah as he got his books from his locker.
Noah said nothing, ignoring him.
"What makes you think you can just ignore me?," he advanced toward Noah, standing to the side of his locker, Ryan on the other side of him.
"Can't you just leave me alone?" Noah asked finally, "you made a fool of me after practice the other day, you've had your fun, just go away."
He could feel people stopping in the corridors, staring. Noah grabbed his science book and immediately Ryan knocked out of his hands. "Pete got benched because of you," he muttered, "we don't want you on our team."
Noah sucked in a deep breath and breathed out slow. "Trust me, I don't want to be in that team either…" he shot back, irate.
"What's going on?" Adam asked, turning up besides Noah. He smiled at his three team mates. "Dick move tripping Noah the other day Blasko, you're gonna cost us the game next week from the bench."
"Maybe if little squirt here hadn't been such a snitch-"
Adam laughed, "Seriously? You tripped him over right in front of coach. Are you for real? You're to blame here. Leave Noah alone," he looked at Ryan, "and you dumb-dumb, when are you gonna get a brain of your own?"
Peter Blasko ignored Adam and turned to Noah, "everybody knows there's some freaky shit between you and-"
"Shut the fuck up," Noah snapped again, "that's not even a funny joke-"
"Ooo Mommy's job got to you, huh? Not allowed to joke in case the sex police turn up to save you."
"What are you even talking about?" Noah asked, confused, "is that supposed to be an insult? That my bad ass Mom is captain of the police? Cos it's not an insult… she helps people and you're a bully so fuck off off and leave me alone."
Noah squatted down and picked up his science book and shut his locker, threading past the three boys and headed toward his next class.
/
"Wait up, Noah," he heard Adam calling out. Noah looked back letting him catch up.
"Why do you want to hang out with me all of a sudden?" Noah asked, irate. "Did Langan ask you to?"
"No?" Adam gave him a quizzical look, "I like you. You're cool."
"I don't need you to be my bodyguard…"
"I know that— I was coming to meet up with you because I finished my math class a bit early. Don't be suspicious Noah, I'm not a bully, I'm not trying to trick you or anything. I felt bad that Blasko was giving you a hard time, he gave me one too, I told you… And it was cool hanging out with you and coach yesterday."
"Okay," Noah said simply.
"Did you tell your Mom about the football team yet?"
He felt his annoyance slowly begin to melt away. He shook his head as they got closer to the lab. "No, I feel like she'd wonder what I'm possibly doing besides being a water-boy or something."
Adam laughed, "wanna work out after school?"
"I can't, I have to meet coach, he's helping me on my AP stuff so I don't get kicked out."
"Oh… shoot. What class?"
"English," Noah replied.
"What happened with English? How did your English slip so much?" Adam was curious.
Noah shrugged, "Cooper and I did some stupid shit and cut a few classes and his Mom freaked out and made him change schools cos I was a bad influence."
"Oh," Adam replied, "what happened to all of your friends?" It was kind of a phenomenon; Noah was not very sports-oriented or overly popular with girls but he everyone loved him including some of the girls in his little clique that he was always a little on the outside of. The girl he liked, Sophia, was a girl who had been gently teased within the group for admitting a little crush on Noah all because he'd helped her carry her science project to the fair and helped her set it up when her friend was running late.
"I don't know…" Noah shrugged again. "What friends?"
"You had a lot of friends, there was always people around you…"
"Yeah, they could get stuff from me and now I realise not everyone is nice and why should I go out of my way to help everyone when no one ever gives a shit about me?," he asked rhetorically, thinking about Elliot who sprang instantly to mind and the way his mother had thrown herself in to her job after he left.
He forced his brain to shut off from it. He saw that Adam's expression looked a little shocked. "I think people care, but we're teens and we're all at the selfish part of our pathetic little lives. If you ever wanted a time to feel self-indulgent, your teens are your time to shine."
Noah digested his new friend's words before arriving at his class. "Maybe. Anyway… I wouldn't be caught dead in the gym, I just know all of those jerks will be there."
"Actually I wasn't talking about the school gym. My brother manages a gym in Hell's Kitchen and if he's working, I go and do what I have to do and he'd be okay with me bringing someone as long as they weren't gonna pull any dumb shit."
"Well lucky for you," Noah told him as they found a seat beside each other, "I'm busy. Who knows what stupid shit I might pull."
"That's not what I meant," Adam rolled his eyes. "Ok fine, you don't want to hang out at the gym."
"My Mom is already asking too many questions about why I'm home so late every day, so I better just go meet Langan and then go home."
Adam shrugged and agreed with him, wondering why it was such a big secret.
Trevor saw Noah approaching with his school bag that he dropped on the ground next to the empty chair with a thud. He glanced around the empty library save for a few students studying.
"Well, Noah, am I going to be afforded at least the respect of you greeting me, or shall I go and you can do this on your own?," he asked the teenager. He knew Noah had simply forgot himself and for whatever reason, he was playing it cool.
"Hi Mr. Langan," he mumbled, "sorry."
Trevor took a folder from his satchel and placed it on the desk in front of him. He slid it over to Noah. "I brought you some notes, they're very detailed but they're very clear and concise instructions as to your essay form and how to propose a compelling argument."
Noah sighed, "it just seems like a lot, like, am I actually going to pass or are we just putting off the inevitable of me flunking out?"
Trevor gave him a smile, "Noah, I promise you, we're going to pass this for you, but I'm not going to be doing the work, you are. You need to go home and you need to put in the time to study."
"I just feel like I'm going to fail at this. I barely passed the first one."
"But you passed," Trevor replied, "and this one will be better, I know it." He sensed Noah was a little down in the dumps. "Okay, so what have you narrowed your subject down to?"
Noah reached in to his bag and pulled out his notebook. Trevor almost smiled to see that despite how his grades had slipped, the teen's ability to put effort in to his neatness and presentation in what was simply an English notebook still showed signs that he was eager to learn and cared to some degree.
"I have, 'Good/ Bad Parents / Guardians' for the expository one — with that, I would have to choose three qualities of a good parent and include examples and write why each point is good and how it might or might not have disadvantages…"
"Okay, you could draw on your own experiences but you'd have to be careful not to turn it in to a narrative essay," Trevor nodded slowly, "what else?"
"The narrative one is 'who knows me best', I feel like I could write that one more freely, but I feel like it's a trick because it appears like it would be easy but maybe it's gotta be a little too self-reflective than I'm ready for Shearer to read."
"I think you would be able to do either one of those beautifully, Noah. I think you know you can do it."
"If you were me, which one would you choose?"
Trevor felt for Noah, there was a sadness about him when they were one-on-one that seemed to cloud over him in a way that he was only just beginning to recognise. "I have wonderful parents, maybe I'd go the parental route because like you, writing about who knows me best might be just a little bit too emotional and maybe I wouldn't be ready for someone else to read that."
Noah nodded, "Who does know you best?," he pressed.
"My wife… Mrs Langan," he replied with a rueful smile.
"Oh, I didn't realise you were married. You don't wear a ring," Noah nodded toward Trevor's naked ring finger. It wasn't for Trevor's lack of trying — but after an allergic reaction after eating satay, Trevor needed the ring to be cut off due to swelling. He'd had it cut off by paramedics, but it wasn't without his deep sadness. "How come you never leave work early? Isn't she gonna wonder why you're not at home with her?"
"No, kiddo," he replied. "Lana passed away almost three years ago now."
"Oh…" Noah murmured, "I'm sorry Mr. Langan, I didn't know."
Trevor just shrugged, "its okay, there's no way you could have known, but it's fine. I wanted to make sure that the kids that I help or look-out for know that I'm always going to be here - for whatever you need, within reason clearly."
Noah smiled at him. "Thanks coach."
Trevor smiled too, "Ooh, you're calling me coach, does that mean I don't have to work so hard at getting you enthused about playing for the Knights?"
The boy shrugged, "I dunno why you want me to play so bad, I'll end up messing something up and everyone will be mad, Peter will do his best to make my life hell, you realise what you're asking of me, I hope."
"Peter still giving you a hard time?" Trevor asked, his brow furrowed. "You need to tell me, Noah, you don't have to just suck it up and try to deal with it on your own."
"Its fine, he's just a jerk…" Noah didn't want to squeal, he knew better, he knew that his teammate would make his life even worse if Trevor stepped in.
"I just think being on a team will teach you about self-discipline, comradery, I think it will give you a good mental outlet for when things feel like they're getting to be a lot and I want to help you make friends again, Noah."
He averted his eyes, looking at his own notes on the essay on his desk. He didn't say anything. He reached for his pen case and took out a ballpoint pen. He scratched the side of his face, trying to distract himself from the emotions that were simmering inside of him. He sighed. "Okay, maybe I'll write the second narrative one," he replied, changing the subject. An idea had struck him and suddenly he didn't feel like he'd have much trouble with it.
"Great," Trevor exclaimed, "now, would you like to go over your ideas with me…"
Noah thought for a moment. "No, I feel like it's personal and I don't really want to talk about it with you."
"Okay," the tall teacher looked so ridiculous, sitting at a school desk beside him, Noah thought as he surveyed him. "That's totally fair," Trevor continued, "will you let me read it and give you some notes before you hand it in?"
"Yeah — but I don't want to talk about the content, like, I don't want to have one of these long talks, or any uncomfortable conversations because these will be my thoughts, right?" Noah checked with him, "I don't want it to be a big deal."
"Okay," Trevor replied slowly. "I don't have to read it, I already know you can do this, I am just here to help, kiddo, I'm not here to judge you."
"You're about the only one," he muttered.
Trevor lowered his head, raising his eyebrow, "Noah, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me."
He didn't want for the teen to answer.
"Is everything okay?," he asked, "I mean, really okay? If something is bothering you and you want a safe space to talk, we can talk."
"I don't want to talk, I'm fine," Noah replied. "I'm tired," he added, "just really freaking tired…" he stood up, "but I have to go home and study this," he tapped on the folder, "and write my essay. If I get it to you by Thursday afternoon, is that going to be okay?"
"Yeah, that sounds perfect," Trevor felt concerned about him, his demeanour; more what he wasn't saying than what he was and the tension that filled the teen's face almost constantly, something was holding him back, something had got to him deeply and affected almost everything about who he remembered the child to be just a few short years earlier. The confidence was gone — it was replaced with a sense of suspicion in everyone. It saddened him, but he knew he needed to not push him and respect his space.
"Do you need a ride home?" Trevor asked.
"No, I'll be okay."
"Do me a favour, don't walk through the park if you insist on wearing those giant headphones," he nodded to the ones around Noah's neck. "I'm sure you'll be fine, but better to be on alert."
Noah just nodded. He got up and heard his phone. It was from his Mom. He paused for a second to answer her. Hey sweetheart, I'm home from work, just checking in to see what you're up to and when I should expect you home…
Noah knew his Mom was trying very hard not to interrogate him. Previous to the fight they'd had, there was no way she would have casually asked when she should expect him home, it inferred that at 14, he had no curfew, no rules nor did he have to even ask to go out.
I was just in the library getting some help with something from school. I'm about to leave… he clicked send. He turned to Trevor, "sorry, I forgot to tell my Mom I was coming to the library."
"That's okay, are you sure I can't drop you home? I don't live too far from your apartment."
Noah looked out the window. It looked ready to rain. "You don't have to, you're already doing too much for me."
Trevor smiled, "don't be silly. If something happened to you cutting through that park with your music smashing down those ear holes of yours, I'd never forgive myself and I don't think your Mom would forgive me either."
Noah gave a brief smile and together they headed to his car. Trevor loaded it up his things in the backseat and paused briefly to send a text. Hi Mrs. Benson, Noah was with me in the library working on his English essay that is worth 20% of his grade. I have insisted I drop him home, I know he has the giant earphones that he wears with music that can be heard in all of the boroughs of NY and cutting through the park like I know he will seems a bit dangerous. Is this OK with you?
He went to delete his joke about Noah's loud music and how much the grade was worth because it seemed like irrelevant information but he paused and shrugged to himself and hit send. Why did it even matter? Olivia Benson as it turned out was the most humourless woman he'd met to date, sabotaging him like he was some kind of predator; he had been incredibly insulted and angry with her.
As he got in to the car and waited for Noah to buckle up, a reply came through. Trevor held it at an angle so Noah couldn't see it. I just offered to pick him up and he said no, I guess Mom doesn't compete with a '69 Mustang. See if you can throw those earphones out the window on the way, would you? Thank you Trevor, I appreciate your effort with my son.
He smiled briefly at the phone before locking it and setting it aside.
"If I come to practice tomorrow after school and promise to be 100 percent committed, would you bring your dog?"
Trevor laughed, "what am I gonna do with her during the day when I'm teaching?," he asked as he backed out of the parking lot, glancing at Noah with a smile.
"Tell the pastrol team that I'm off school but you're collecting my work and I will sit with her in the field and work on all of my practical notes and assignments."
Trevor laughed again and so did Noah. He delighted in seeing the young man's splits of weightlessness, where he indulged himself in some silly conversation. Noah really did have a good sense of humour, he remembered that from what he called his baby economics class. "I mean, I could, though…"
"Listen, I promise that if you commit yourself 100 percent to training tomorrow, I will find a way for you to meet my dog and hang out with her for an afternoon or something. But I'm only doing that because I think dogs are perfect therapy and I know you don't want to talk to me, but an afternoon with my dog couldn't hurt."
The smile didn't completely leave Noah's lips. He knew the idea of hanging out with a dog outweighed the discomfort of his coach telling him that he could see something was going on. "We discussed this already, she will invoice us both later for her time."
He chuckled. "So you really love dogs, huh?"
Noah nodded and looked out the window as they sat in a little traffic. "We used to have a neighbour who had a shih tzu - she was a little older than my Mom, maybe by about ten years and she used to cook for us sometimes and I was allowed to bring the dog in to our apartment sometimes and play with her for a few hours… but apart from that lady, I think the only other person I know who has a dog is my aunt Amanda, but that's a pit-breed and my Mom was always too scared of letting her near me…"
Trevor listened to him; he became animated and chatty when it came to talking about the idea of spending time with a dog. "So if you had a choice, what kind of a dog would you get?"
"One of those big dogs with the curly fur so it doesn't drop through the house, Mom would hate dog fur everywhere and we both have some allergies… what dog do you have?"
Trevor grinned as the traffic finally started to move. "I have a big dog with curly fur so it doesn't drop through the house, because I would hate living amongst fur all over my things too. Ruby is a golden doodle."
"Rude to talk about your dog like that…" he jibed his coach with a smile, "do you have a photo of her?"
"Wow you really are fourteen," he said with a good-natured sigh, "yes, I have a photo, when I drop you off, I'll show you."
"Can I ask you a question, Mr. Langan?"
"Ok firstly you just did ask a question," Trevor told him, "but here's the deal, outside of school hours you can call me Trevor. Everywhere else, its Mr. Langan or Coach, k?" Being called Mr. Langan hit him hard every time because for whatever reason, he associated it with the fact that there was no Mrs. Langan anymore and he couldn't really explain why it triggered such an irritated response; it just did.
"K. Did you get Ruby when your wife passed away?"
Noah's question knocked the air out of him momentarily. He knew kids were blunt and had no self-awareness when it came to asking the hard questions, but it had thrown him. He cleared his throat and stared ahead, realising he was gripping the wheel a little too hard, "yeah, about six months after…"
Noah nodded with a peculiar understanding for someone of his age. "My biological Mom was murdered," he offered the information from nowhere as if it somehow made up for asking an inappropriate question. He had realised that it wasn't the right thing to ask as he watched his coach's body become rigid and his answer, measured.
"Oh, Noah that's awful, I'm so sorry."
He shrugged, "My Mom was always honest with me about Ellie, my biological Mom. I'm not glad about the way she had to die, but I don't think my life would be a good life if it didn't happen. She was in to some bad stuff."
It was interesting to Trevor just how easily he offered the information about the person that gave birth to him — there was a complete disconnect and he felt that it was genuine. He was sad for what happened to her, but not sad about what had happened to him. It was the stuff that Noah wouldn't discuss that he was most concerned about.
"I'm sure your adopted Mom is an amazing Mom. It's kind of extra special, don't you think, that you weren't just given parents by default, that somebody actually saw baby Noah and chose him," Trevor smiled, "and decided that they were going to love this child no matter what as if he came from their own body."
Noah listened to Trevor speak, never having really considered that Olivia had chosen him and she had made a very conscious decision to be his mother — whereas Ellie hadn't. Ellie didn't even realise she was pregnant with him until it was too late for her pimp to do something about it. He suddenly felt a pang of deep appreciation and love for his Mom. "Well… Mom told me that she found me in a cupboard drawer."
Trevor smiled, "Really? Is she just teasing you?"
Noah shook his head, "No, for real… I was laying in a cupboard drawer and Mom took care of me for a few days and she said she felt drawn to me so she kept checking in and when they were about to send me to an orphanage, the judge basically asked my Mom if she would take me and she made the decision on the spot that that was what she wanted.
"Wow…" Trevor glanced briefly at the teen - "do you realise, Noah, that's an extraordinary story? Your Mom must have felt a connection to you the second that she found you in order for her to become that attached and that committed and she has given you this wonderful life, I'm sure…"
"I know… I guess, she's just always busy now since Elliot left…" he paused, "ha, something about Ell's, leaving us for something better — for him it was another job, or maybe another woman and a kid to leave behind later, and my biological moth-Ellie left me in a drawer for a dime bag of drugs…" his voice trailed off.
"Noah, sometimes even us grown ups don't have it figured out. Sometimes we try to bury our pain with work or with whatever we can so we don't have to slow down and think about the things that hurt us, I know that to a degree, you are trying so hard to do the same…"
"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Noah said simply, changing the subject whenever he became the focus. "But thanks for saying that about my Mom, you're right, she's a very good person."
They were nearing Noah's apartment.
"You're welcome. I promise that I'll work something out so you can meet Ruby…" he told Noah as they pulled up at the kerbside. He picked up his phone and unlocked it and opened his album and showed him a pic of her.
"Awww," Noah murmured, "she looks like a teddy bear, is she big?," he asked, handing the phone back.
"Yeah, maybe a bit smaller than a golden retriever, but she's a big fluff ball," he smiled, "you'll love her."
"I know I will, she's so adorable. That's definitely the kind of dog I want," he smiled, reaching down to grab his bag, being extra careful not to bump it in to his polished upholstery. "Thanks for the ride Trevor. I'll go and study, I promise."
"Good man. Have a good night kiddo."
/
"Hi Mom!" Noah called out cheerily, dropping his bag in to his room, continuing down the hall to see where his Mom was. She looked up from the couch where she was working on something, the iPad balanced on her knees that were jackknifed beneath her, a glass of wine in one hand and the apple pen perched in the other.
"Hey sweetheart!" She smiled to see her son. She gently attached the pen back to the side of the iPad and set it aside, stretching her legs out in front of her. She got up, setting down the wine on the coffee table. "How was your day?"
Surprising her, her son made a beeline toward her and threw his arms around her, hugging her tightly, holding on to her for a moment. He surely wasn't aware of his own strength as he squeezed her tight. She hugged him back, but was about to ask him to loosen his grip so she could breathe as he began to ease off. "I love you, Mom," he told her, "I'm sorry if I've been a little jerk, I don't mean to be, but I love you and I don't want you to think I've ever felt any other way."
"Of course honey, what's wrong? Did something happen?" She rubbed her son's back, sensing he needed some affection.
"No, just… something someone said to me made me think about how much you've sacrificed for me and sometimes I act like a brat and I don't ever mean it… I just-"
"It's okay," Olivia breathed, trying not to cry from her son's heartfelt, earnest admission. "You don't have to apologise, babe…" she turned her head and kissed his cheek. "I love you so much, it doesn't matter what you do or what you say, that will never change. You're my whole world, Noah Benson."
"Love you…" he murmured again, slowly pulling away.
Olivia looked at her son's glassy eyes. She smiled. "It's okay, I've never been mad at you for more than a few seconds, Noah, we don't have that sort of an apartment. There shouldn't be any resentment between us…"
He wasn't entirely convinced. "I just really mean to say that I really appreciate everything you do for us"
She hugged him again for a few moments. "Thank you sweetheart. I love and appreciate you too."
Noah sighed with relief.
"Want me to tell you some exciting news?" Olivia asked. Her son nodded, staring at her, anticipating the next thing out of her mouth. "Guess what I have for dinner?"
"Ugh," he made such a show of acting disgusted, trying to inject a little comedy after the serious interchange, "please don't say you made your famous meatloaf."
She laughed and swatted him, "Nope. Grandma 'Fina made us a lasagne and some cannolis." She loved to see his eyes light up. It was his absolute favourite meal and Sonny's mother was always taking care of them — and when it was just Olivia, she took care of her too. Now she was a little older and no longer working, her favourite thing to do was to bake and the woman knew nothing about excess; but no one minded including Serafina, it made her happy to know everyone was looked after and that they all loved her food.
"Oh that's gonna be so good, I'm so hungry…"
Olivia smiled. "There's a couple of serves for us each. It's in the oven, why don't you go and get ready for dinner?"
"Okay… Mom I have to do a lot of studying tonight. I have some stuff to read that a teacher gave me to help me with my essays. Do you think that if I run in to any problems understanding his notes that you could help me?"
Liv smiled. It had been awhile since Noah had needed her help for homework. He was a whip-smart kid who rarely needed her even when he was smaller, but he had been diagnosed with dyslexia when he was quite young and sometimes he needed help reading instructions clearly.
"Of course, sweetheart. I've got some homework too. Maybe after dinner we can sit at the table and work together."
"Okay," Noah agreed. "Thanks Mom. I'll go take a shower."
"And Noah?" Olivia called out.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for coming in here and being honest about your feelings, that really means a lot to me. You're my heart and I love you."
He gave her a little smile and headed to the bathroom.
/
Ha so you're an expert on Mustang's like your son - can tell the year from one glance, impressive. Noah and I had a nice chat on the way back to your apartment. I think he is going to do really well in his English essay. He has football practice with the team tomorrow at 4 until 5:15. I hope that's okay. I believe one of his teammates has struck up a friendship with him - a really good kid too.
Olivia read Trevor's message that she received right before Noah burst through the front door.
She answered it after she set the table.
Thank you, thank you my kid takes after his mother. He just asked me if I would help him if the instructions that a teacher (you?) gave him became a little hard to process (Noah has dyslexia) so that's a win for Mom. I don't know what you said to him, but he came in here and told me how much he appreciated me.
Olivia sipped her wine and began writing another message before she stopped. Nope, she thought. Too much wine. Don't get chatty, Liv, this man is not your friend, it's your child's teacher.
The phone almost leapt out of her hands like wet soap when the phone blared a chime again.
I got the sense he would do something like that. He told me he was adopted and I pointed out how special adoption is; that you're not born by chance in to a person's life, that person chose you and it seemed to resonate with him quite deeply. Ms. Benson, I'm trying very hard to reach in and pull out same joyful spirit that I encountered when I taught him awhile back. He's not himself and you don't need me to tell you that… but I realised he's obsessed with dogs and is harassing me about bringing my dog to meet him. I'm trying to figure that out for him as a bargaining chip.
Olivia swallowed a mouthful of wine until the glass was empty. She took the empty one to the sink and refilled it. She waited a few moments before responding. Yeah he loves dogs so much. Don't let him harass you, though. Thank you for talking to my son and being a sounding ear for him. He won't talk to me and wouldn't talk to his Uncle last week, so I guess we just give him some time and let him focus on school work and whatever else he has going on that he's not telling me. Thank you for all of this Trevor and for updating me. I appreciate your time.
She hit send right as Noah reappeared. She got him a drink and began serving up dinner.
