As soon as they sat down Trevor looked at his dog and began to laugh, "oh my gosh, sweetheart, what did they do to you!," he gave her pony tail sprout a little tug. Olivia laughed, "she wanted to be beautified Trev, her hair was in her eyes and she was watching me do my hair longingly.
"Mmmmhm, I bet she was," he replied with a smile. He felt so damn good, he didn't even mind his dog's silly hair. Ruby jumped up, her paws on his knees as he cuddled her and gave her lots of attention with pats. "Did you have a good time, sweetheart? Something tells me you did…"
Olivia loved how much love he had for his dog. Once she had calmed down, Trevor turned to her and smiled. "I know I said it already, but you look… lovely."
She smiled right back at him wanting to burst at the seams and trying her best to keep it together. "Thank you," she replied softly. "Can I make you a coffee or tea or something?"
"I have a better idea," he retorted, pulling out his phone, "what if I order us two nice summery iced coffees for delivery and we can sit out on that balcony," he nodded toward the small patio that led from a sliding door in the living room. "We can sit in the sun — do you have chairs or something out there?"
"Uhuh," she replied, "I have an outdoor lounge set," she told him, "we could hang out there, I'm a big fan of summer, you should know that about me."
"Favourite season?" He pressed.
"Yeah, summer, all the way. I love the water."
"Good to know," he replied, "for the record, it's mine too. I'm an early riser. I like to get up early and start the day with little miss here. We'd walk or jog or go to the gym. Does any of that interest you?"
"Mmmm there's a little part of me that wants to go to the gym but its so overwhelming and gym meatheads are offputting, I'm too self-conscious."
"Would you come with me one morning? I like to do a little boxing. It's good for stress."
A slow smile crept along her lips. "Really?"
"Yeah… you might find it helpful — or you might not. But we could finish it up with something you enjoy…"
"I have a community pool in this building… we could end with a swim."
"Sounds perfect… we'll do that sometime."
He ordered the two iced coffee's with Olivia peering over his shoulder, telling him what she wanted and it occurred to him that it was the first time that he'd felt fully comfortable in the presence of another woman for many years.
"Do you want something to eat?," she asked, feeling a little nervous around him.
"No," he grabbed her arm, pulling her gently back toward him. He smiled, "come here…" he slid an arm around her shoulders. She felt her cheeks warm as he drew her close. She liked his strength and the way he was able to make her feel light and feminine. He embraced her. "Wow, I really thought about this all weekend," he told her. "Just being able to hold you…"
"Really?"
"Yeah… Is that okay with you?," he asked, wondering if maybe he was coming on too strong. "If this is too muc-"
"No, no… it's not, I just like how honest you're being, it feels nice and refreshing."
She raised her head to look at him; their faces were close. "I like you, Trevor Langan."
"I like you too…" he told her, caressing her soft skin of her face with his forefingers. "I'm glad I came over today so we could spend some time together and figure out how it feels to be in this capacity," he admitted.
"Me too… it feels… natural but also… nerve wracking," she responded with all the honesty that she could muster.
"And yet, here we are despite everything, managing and thriving and feeling good. No guilt on my end and that's new for me, what about you?"
"I am scared, but I'm trying not to let fear get in the way of a good thing, however that may be, that's what Amanda always says to me…."
Trevor nodded slowly. "I think… that this has been a very slow burn and if I'm honest, I personally need for us to go slowly because processing is a big deal at times and I think it's probably the healthiest approach but that's also not to say that the feelings aren't there."
She could hardly focus with his fingertips caressing her, leaving her skin tingling, her urges growing while he was busy talking about taking it slow. "It makes it very hard to agree to anything when you are touching me like that…" she admitted with laughter. "Fuck, I'm really so touch starved, is it that obvious?"
Trevor was able to chuckle. "I'm sorry, is it bothering you?"
"No, I love it. It feels wonderful and good and its making me feel like mush and… you should know that rarely do I feel like that…"
He smiled. "Look at me," he commanded. She made eye contact with him. He smiled with her, "I love your skin, I love your lips…" he paused to plant a lingering kiss on hers. "You're absolutely perfect and I feel so happy."
"That's all I want — to make you happy."
"You already do…" she replied. "But… I want to make you happy too," she added, "it can't be a one way thing."
He leaned in and kissed her once more, caressing her hair. He sighed happily, "This feels right, huh?"
She nodded. "But… we still need to take it slow. I have a teenager to think about and I don't want to lie to him, I desperately don't want to hurt him, we've just got things back to mostly normal…"
"Gotcha," he agreed. "I won't come on too strong, I promise."
"Its okay, I don't feel like you are," Olivia assured him.
"Well… in the interest of not rushing things, maybe we shouldn't sit on the couch like this? Because I feel like I really need to keep kissing you and I'm could honestly kiss these lips all day," he remarked, brushing his thumb along her lower lip.
"Oooft, you better stop," she chuckled.
He laughed too. "Well, the coffee should be here any minute, should we go and set up on the balcony?"
"Yeah… let's do that," she told him. She sat forward but paused from the edge of the couch and turned back to him, looking in to his soft green eyes.
"What is it?" He wondered as a little smile crept across her perfect lips. She reached for his hand, taking one in hers and then reaching for the other. She pulled him close to her and allowed herself the indulgence of another kiss, letting her lips lock with his. He immediately let go of her hands and took her waist, pulling her in to him. She lost her balance for a moment and let him steady her against his chest. Unsure of what to do with her hands, she decided to do whatever felt natural. She circled her arms around his neck.
"Mmm," he moaned against her mouth as he felt the tip of her tongue sliding between his lips. It felt natural and wonderful and fuck he had been longing for her mouth on his for days — maybe weeks. Since the moment in the bar he had found himself thinking about her in a way that he had originally felt guilty over — but as she was kissing him hungrily, her arms embracing him and his hands holding her womanly curves, he knew that guilt needed to leave to make space for something wonderful.
She felt his hands gripping her waist, his fingers slightly pitting her flesh and it felt good, she thought as their mouths moved in perfect timing. She loved the way that he kissed her with such gentleness, changing the pace from time-to-time. She quickened things a little, deepening the kiss as if she couldn't get enough of him — and she couldn't. His hands tried to find solace in laying stationary on the small of her back, but ached to roam over her thighs and her backside that looked so good in her tights.
They were both breathless but neither wanted to stop. He didn't want her tongue to stop exploring his, arching around his; relentless and passionate, making him ache in places where he hadn't ached in far too long. It was almost too much but yet he didn't have the self control to pull himself away.
It wasn't just a kiss, it was something more — a new beginning something that neither were taking with a grain of salt. Her body felt brand new to her, brand new feelings rising up and brand new sensations taking space all over her but mostly stirring pleasantly in her lower stomach with the idea of what could pass between them at a later date. Breathing hard, she began to ease off. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest that was pressed against his that he was trying his best to ignore as he closed his mouth, ending the passion that flooded between them.
She took his cheeks in her hands, smoothing his slightly bristled skin. "You are … something else entirely," she told him, a little starry-eyed. She kissed him again. "And I'm just going with it, as scary as that is…"
He smiled, "Me too."
She sat forward again, reluctant to leave his embrace, but an alert told him that their coffees were on their way up. She rose to her shaky feet, taking his hand to help him up. "I'll get the coffees, I'll go walk down, you stay here and look beautiful."
She chuckled. "Thanks…"
/
"Noah, can I talk to you about your essay please?" Mr. Shearer asked Noah as he was walking out of his English class. One of the cute blonde girls who had made an attempt to talk to him a few times recently while he was hanging out with Adam paused, waiting for him. He gave her a little smile. He turned to the teacher, "what did I do now?"
"Noah," he smiled, "don't always assume you did anything wrong, I just want a quick word."
"Catch up with me in my usual spot," the girl called over her shoulder, tossing her long blond hair. "K?"
It was the most she'd ever spoken to him but he just gave a polite nod and sat back against the desk behind him, waiting for his teacher.
"Noah Benson, I'm very impressed with your recent work. Your re-do of your first essay was a huge improvement from the first and your first draft of your second is a very interesting avenue of thought."
"Thanks," he replied. "I've tried really hard to improve my grade."
"It shows… I just wanted to touch base with you over the content of your second essay."
"We don't have to-"
Mr. Shearer put his hand up to stop the teenager's protests. "It was beautifully written Noah, but it would be remiss of me not to just ask you if you are doing okay and if you needed anybody to talk to."
"I'm okay," Noah replied sincerely. "I don't always feel the way I wrote, but it's sometimes a reality and it's how I felt when I wrote it…"
"You know how to reach out to someone if you are struggling, though, right? You know you can come and ask for my help or any of your teachers."
"I know that. Mr. Langan has been tutoring me and helping me understand exactly how to form an essay, that's what I didn't understand before…"
"Did I not go over that? You know you could have asked for help," the teacher pointed out, "part of the frustration of being a teach, Noah, is when your students don't listen to instructions, but freak out and don't do what's asked-"
"I have dyslexia," he interrupted him. "It's not that I didn't listen, it's that I don't always understand directions or instructions, it can be hard to follow them and it's embarrassing to have my classmates find out that and instead it gets confused with disruption or — according to Mr Hartly, wanting special treatment…"
"I don't really think having dyslexia is expecting special treatment, it's just that your brain is processing things differently and we have to cater to all forms of neuro-divergency. I wish you'd mentioned it to me sooner, I would have understood and we could have been a little discreet about making sure you weren't have trouble."
Noah shrugged, "Well, now you know."
"Well, I think you've done a fine job, I'm really proud of your work."
"Thanks," he managed a smile.
"Okay Noah, that's really all I wanted to say. Please don't be afraid to ask for help in the future. You can send me an email or see me after class, it's up to you."
"Thanks Mr. Shearer."
/
"Hey!" Noah walked out of the class room. He swung around to find the cute girl from his class.
"Hi," he greeted her, a fair bit taller than her. "Kaci, right?"
"Yeah…" she smiled, "how do you not know my name after I've been at this school for more than a year now?"
Noah smiled at her kindly. "Sorry, I've been kinda in my own head over the past year. Wait a second did you wait for me?"
"Yeah…" she grinned at him. He couldn't help but to smile back; it felt nice to have someone actually interested in his company. "I just thought after what a jerk Peter is to you, you might like a friend," she told him.
"Thanks, I'm always happy to make new friends…"
"Adam told me you're part of the football team now," she remarked. "Do you know what spot you're playing?"
"Oh… not yet, I'm still not that great," he shrugged. "I'm a bit uncoordinated," he felt his cheeks flush. "But it's fun to train with the guys, Adam is awesome."
"Yeah… but I've seen you run, you're so fast…" she smiled at him, "so do you wanna hang out after school?"
Noah almost choked, "Uh… maybe not this afternoon. My Mom is off work and it's kind of like a once off that she has time off, I promised that I'd go to dinner with her. I'm sorry."
"No," she shrugged, "I get it. That's cool that you're close with your Mom. Your Mom seems like a powerhouse. I bet she's super interesting." Kaci paused at his locker, waiting for him to trade his books with his lunch.
"My Mom is pretty bad ass, I'm not gonna lie," he smiled, "thanks for understanding. I know some people think I'm a bit wimpy, but… I just think my family should always come first." He paused, "wait that sounded bad, I mean, friends are important too, but my Mom does a lot for me and is really ki-"
Kaci placed her hand on his arm, "Noah, you don't have to explain yourself, you and your Mom are close, it's fine. I'm close to my Mom and Dad too. The only people who think its lame are the people that are missing out on having a normal loving relationship with their family."
"Thanks," Noah replied, regarding her with a smile. "That's nice of you to say…"
She smiled back and he couldn't help but to admit that he liked the idea of a gorgeous, clear, blue-eyed girl with the most beautiful blond hair making eyes at him. He hadn't encountered it before, but it made him feel good. He wasn't sure if there was any attraction, but making friends with people was a nice thing to be happening to him again.
"I guess you're going to eat lunch with Peter's crew now, huh?" Noah asked her.
"Nope. Katie and I are gonna hang out with you and Adam… everyone's honestly getting so sick of Peter and Ryan being such dicks. Don't feel bad they're dicks to everyone."
Noah laughed. "I don't care much, Peter is just a bit of a jerk to me because he doesn't want me on the football team, but truthfully, I didn't have a say, Coach Langan told me I had to train with them or else I was going to fail English."
"Coach Langan is weird," she laughed, "he's always asking us if we need to talk or just getting his nose involved where it shouldn't be…." Her voice trailed off.
"No, no… Coach Langan is awesome. He really cares, Kaci, a lot of teachers don't even want to be here and he's genuine. If I had of flunked English my Mom would have killed me, but Coach vouched for me when he didn't have to and helped me with my English work because no one else would make the time to… I think he genuinely cares."
"Oh," her cheeks flushed, "sorry, I didn't know…"
"Its okay but I've heard some of the girls say dumb things about him. He's not a creepy, he just cares because he doesn't want our future to get messed up by making silly decisions. He's a really good guy."
"I believe you," she said with a smile. "Adam likes him too. He told Katie and I that once his brother's car broke down so Coach Langan took him directly to his little sister's school in his own car and picked her up too so that she wouldn't be waiting alone."
"That's so nice," Noah replied. "See? Nice guy."
"Yeah… maybe, maybe I'm being a dumb girl…" she shrugged.
"You're not dumb. Don't say that about yourself," he replied as they went in to the lunch hall.
"There's Adam and Katie!," Kaci pointed excitedly. "I think Adam likes Katie and oh my goodness, she's got the biggest crush on him."
Noah smiled as he glanced over at them. Adam was chatting to Katie a brunette with honey coloured skin and gorgeous light-brown eyes. Adam, on the other hand was a lot taller than both of the girls. Noah found himself staring at Adam for a little longer than even he was comfortable with. Not wanting to be caught, he quickly pulled his eyes away, feeling embarrassed for it.
"Come on, let's go join them, I have to get some lunch, I didn't bring any."
"Oh," Noah smiled at her, "you can share mine if you like, my Mom always makes me a lot of food."
She grinned at him, "so the rumours are true, Noah Benson is actually the sweetest guy around…"
He laughed, "Wait, people say that?"
She smiled at him, "Yep, Katie said she knew you in elementary school and you were friends with everyone."
"Ha, that's funny…" his voice trailed off as they joined their friends at the table.
"Hey how are you feeling today?" Adam asked Noah as his friend took a seat next to him.
"A bit crap still, but I can eat again now which is something. How about you?" Noah asked, smiling at the good looking guy that he could smell his cologne. Sometimes he tried not to pay attention, especially when there was a cute girl across the table that was trying to share lunch with him.
"I'm okay," Adam replied. Noah smiled at Katie, "Hey Katie…"
"What's going on over here?" Peter asked, towering over the edge of the table. "Is it the Festival of losers?"
"Only since you brought your parade over here," Katie shot back with a roll of her eyes. Peter sputtered for a witty comeback, but with the girls and Noah being as smart as he was, he knew he was a little out of his depth. "Don't even bother trying to play a battle of wits with any of us, you're unarmed," she added when he stammered to say something rude.
"You're a bitch," he snapped.
Adam stood up so fast that his chair flew from beneath him, "don't you call her that, apologise to her-"
Noah stared at Adam, a little worried that Peter would hit him.
"Adam just leave it, I don't care, he can think what he wants. He's just a dumb ass its about as coherent as his sentences get." Noah tried not to even smile, but it was too hard as Kaci snorted.
"What are you laughing at, Benson?" Peter glared at him, "you're the biggest loser of them all. Don't think we didn't see you getting in to Langan's car — I thought you were just a teacher's pet but… turns out you've got more problems than we originally thought."
"Fuck off," Noah snapped. "You don't know anything."
"Yeah," he smiled, catching the panic that spread out over Noah's face, "either trying to get yourself a new Daddy or looking for someone to call Daddy if you catch my drift."
"Peter, I am going fucking smash you out on that field tomorrow afternoon."
Peter laughed, "Not if I smash you and your little boyfriend first. Losers."
Once he left them to it, Noah could barely look at his friends. "I wasn't in Langan's car," he told them as if they cared.
"So what if you were," Katie shrugged, "Langan's got a hot car, quite frankly, I'd get in his car," she smirked.
"Ew, Katie," Kaci laughed. Adam and Noah exchanged looks.
"Honestly, your Mom is friends with him, who cares if you get a ride from him. Sure beats walking home every day."
"I don't want people like that idiot to have shit to say," Noah replied.
"Most people aren't Peter Blasko," Katie replied. "And all of his stupid little friends."
"Not to be rude," Noah began, "didn't you guys all hang out with him and the cheer leaders at some point?"
"Yeah," Kaci nodded, "but they're all just so fucking mean to everyone and if you don't laugh at all their jokes or bow down to the beloved cheer leader outfit or the football jersey, you're not welcome. I've had enough."
"My Mom always said popularity isn't important because once we leave school, no one is gonna care that we were with the cool kids at school."
Kaci smiled at him, "Your Mom is sooooo bad-ass. She's right you know. At least Katie said when you were super popular, it was because you were so nice and kind to everyone, not because you were a dick."
Noah felt himself blushing and looked away. Adam could't help but smile, realising that Kaci had a thing for his friend. "Thanks," Noah murmured.
"Peter and all those people are only popular because people are scared of them and treat them so kindly because they're scared, but they also want to know what its like…"
"What is it like to be part of that clique?" Noah wondered curiously.
"Vapid," Kaci replied making a face. "They all secretly hate each other. Katie and I didn't know when we became cheerleaders that it was going to be like that, there was this dumb rule that we had to be a team outside of cheer…"
Adam laughed, "so what, now you've gone and upset them all?"
Katie giggled, "Yeah, they're going to find a way to get us kicked off, you watch."
"I don't even care anymore. It was so exhausting always feeling like everyone was talking about me."
"Wow, I wouldn't like that," Noah remarked, "I don't want to be mean to anyone or ever make anyone feel bad like that, not even Peter."
"Not even just a little bit Peter?" Adam asked with his cheeky grin that caused a dimple to appear in only one side of his face. It was infectious. Noah grinned back.
"Nah, I would like him to pay for a new phone though so that my Mom doesn't have to, but … that's all."
/
"Okay," Olivia dumped her bag down, "I need help navigating this… I don't know what to do, my head is spinning…"
"Navigating what exactly?" Amanda asked her friend with slight alarm. Olivia sat down on the kitchen barstool and sighed, resting her elbow on the counter, resting her cheek in her hand.
Carisi had taken the kids out for dinner and ice cream and Noah was at Adam's house until 9pm when she was to pick him up.
"I think I'm falling in love with Trevor," she groaned.
Amanda burst out laughing. "Oh we're just friends…" she mimicked her. "oh my gosh, Olivia! What the hell!"
Olivia couldn't help but to laugh at her friend, "I know, I know, it's so bad… he's my kid's teacher but holy fuck…" she drew in a deep breath, "I think I need a wine, love."
Amanda couldn't stop chuckling, "I think I need something stronger than wine. This is my first kid free night in far too long. I'm going for whisky. Are you sure wine is enough for this conversation?"
"Whisky and snacks, please."
"Okay, raid the fridge, we need to really get in to it, this is big news, Olivia Benson and that dude is something-fucking-else, let me tell you. He has the good vibes emanating from him. Like, they were shooting out of his penis or something… have you had sex yet?"
"No!" Olivia couldn't help but to laugh at Amanda's over-the-top assumption of the situation, "calm down, it's not that crazy, remember he's lost his wife, there's a lot of baggage," she replied, getting up, opening her friend's refrigerator. "Can I just say, I am so glad you married Sonny, you always have soft cheese and some great salamis and cold cuts— it's my favourite thing about coming here."
"You know, Olivia, you too can have a refrigerator full of soft-cheese, half-mouldy blue cheese and salami's as well, do you need me to explain how money can be exchanged for goods and services?"
She turned around, an armful of her favourite cured meats and cheeses and let them go on the countertop, "fuck off," she laughed, "you are such a wise ass," she told her, touching her shoulder, "and I actually missed that the most about you."
Amanda gave her a warm smile. "I missed your ability to be calm and knock me down to size when I got a little too ahead of myself."
"Always," Olivia winked.
Amanda got a plate out and Olivia went to work making them a plate of snacks while her best friend made them fancy whisky cocktails. "Not too much, I have to pick up Noah at 9."
"Don't worry, Sonny can pick him up."
They both laughed.
Olivia spread out the plate with the snacks and Amanda added some chips and other crackers as well. "This looks so good, so much for ordering dinner," she took a seat again and Amanda dragged a stool around to the other side of the kitchen counter so they could sit across from one another. "This is nice, I really needed some one-on-one girl time."
"Me too, I'm really lucky Sonny gives me time to myself."
"You are lucky, I remember when Noah was so little and how sometimes as much as I loved him, I just needed an hour to catch up emotionally."
"I remember that too, but you were so protective and so quick to say you were fine and didn't need any help," Amanda pointed out.
"Yeah," Liv agreed, "when I was too stupid to realise that asking for help didn't make me weak…"
"Okay so … this is all nice, a trip down memory lane, blahblahblah, get to the good stuff, what happened with Trevor? Does he know you love him and want to have his babies or ….?"
Olivia couldn't help but to laugh, watching Amanda spread some soft cheese on to her cracker and take a bite. "So serious face, okay? Because I need to navigate this the ability to not necessarily go with what feels good to me, but what's actually good for Trevor and what's also good for Noah."
"Okay," Amanda turned serious, dusting off her hands and holding on to her drink. Olivia took a mouthful and let the warmth settle. "When I got in to bed the other night, Trevor texted me and told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me and that he thought that I was so beautiful, but that it's hard because he still has a lot of guilt issues and he's trying to make it work in his brain without feeling bad… and I admitted that I felt entirely the same but I was reluctant to impede any healing work he has to do…"
"Whoa, how have you kept this to yourself for a week?"
Olivia laughed, "because it was a lot and then Noah got sick… but we did a few face times over the weekend and fuck…" she sighed, "he's beautiful Amanda, he's so kind and sweet and open about his own struggles…"
"And delicious looking," Amanda added with a little smile. "And Liv, have you been open with him?"
She nodded. "I have been… I don't know what it is about him, but I have told him stuff that I've struggled to tell others. I even let him see me cry last weekend," she laughed.
Amanda rose an eyebrow, "wait, who's leg do I have to hump to get unfiltered honest Olivia?"
"I think you know what I'm feeling, I don't have to tell you…"
"True… but what kind of things did you discuss?," Amanda wanted to know as she watched Olivia gulp down her alcohol so she could be a little more open about there feelings. She really was the type who needed some liquid courage.
"He knows about Elliot and he knows about Noah and how Noah will respond to anything, he also had a whole family issue over the weekend that's been building up for some years and it finally just came to a head and now it seems to have reset his relationship with his sister…. He came over on monday to pick up Ruby, his dog and…"
"And…?" Amanda pressed. She watched Olivia's face turn red.
She looked in to her drink before flicking her eyes up to meet her friends, "I went to kiss his cheek hello and he caught the kiss, we made out all the way in to the apartment and he had me against the wall kissing him for awhile and then we just kept telling each other about our feelings while he stroked my hair and my face and told me how badly he wants to take me on a date and how we might try to navigate things. And then we sat on the couch and ordered coffee and made out more and then I had to literally peel myself away from him…"
"Wow!" Amanda exclaimed, "wow wow wow! Go Olivia! This is so positive."
"He said he doesn't feel guilty around me, in the past any woman he's tried to date he gets overwhelmed with guilt and regret and ends it… but with me he doesn't second guess, he just feels at ease… and I can't tell you…"
"So did you guys end up having sex?" Amanda pressed.
"No… we are really keeping Noah in mind. Noah will be so upset if something was to eventuate, but we talked about … setting boundaries where Noah is untouchable… I don't know… am I being wrong? Am I doing wrong by my kid?"
"No. Olivia you need something for you and you are right, there needs to be boundaries in place but Olivia Benson absolutely needs to put what she wants and needs before anyone else in this case, please, please do this for you."
She finished up her drink entirely too early. "What if it doesn't work out and Trevor hates me and Noah suffers?"
Amanda gave her a little smile, "Liv, tell me what ex partner of yours has turned vindictive? Apart from Elliot leaving you not once but twice, tell me — Tucker and you remained friends til his passing, you and Cassidy at times were strained, but he ultimately loved and respected you even if it wasn't a forever thing, right?"
Amanda had a point, she rarely ended things on a bad note with men she had been in long term relationships with.
"So it was just Elliot."
"Which says more about this than you, my girl." Amanda replied with a smile. "Liv, this guy likes you — take it slow, but definitely take it somewhere."
"So it's not selfish? Please, you'd tell me if you thought I was being selfish toward Noah?"
"Olivia, you have been nothing but selfless all these years, it's your turn now."
"Its just that things are so good with Noah right now and I'm scared of that going south again," she admitted. "Honestly, for awhile there I felt like I didn't know my kid and Trevor has honestly worked wonders in his life…"
"Olivia, Noah will cope regardless. Sonny and I will talk to him if he goes off about it. He's 14. He has no right to have a say in who you date or don't date."
"I know… but this is his teacher and a few weeks back I asked if I could come to a football game and he asked if he could have something just for him-"
"Well now you want something just for you and that's fine. I suggest you don't lie to him…"
"I won't lie to him but he doesn't have to know anything until Trevor and I know something is going to eventuate. We might go out a few times and realise we are better friends — or that he can't cope with a relationship yet."
"I doubt those things are going to happen, but I'm not telling you to announce a relationship before there's anything to announce, but if you're going on a date and he asks where you are going, tell him, 'Trev and I are going to dinner'" Amanda coached her.
"He said he wanted to take me on a real date, Amanda," she smiled at her friend repeating herself again, "we were in the middle of kissing and he had me against the wall and…" she sighed happily, realising just how giddy she was, "Ugh, no guy has ever said that to me or really taken me anywhere but a casual bar or something, but he was just… so direct. I want to take you on a date, to a nice place, where we can get dressed up because you're worth it…"
"Wow, direct is good, we like direct."
"We do," Olivia agreed. "We definitely do."
/
"Auntie Liv, are you going to stay at our house tonight?" Billie asked her after Liv had given both girls a warm hug each, allowing Amanda a minute to put Levi down. Sonny smiled.
"No, babe, but remember you're coming to stay with me next week," she pointed out. "You're gonna stay in the guest room that's next door to Noah's and we're gonna have such a great time."
Billie grinned. "I can't wait!"
"Me either, it's gonna be so much fun."
"Auntie Liv, when I go to bed can you read me a story?," she asked, "it's almost my bedtime."
Olivia glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost 8:30pm. "Of course babe, I can read you a story."
"Okay baby, hop off Liv now, give her some space," Sonny told her gently, "I need you to go and brush your teeth with your sister and I'm going to go pick up Noah from his friend's house."
"Thanks Sonny, I just let him know you're coming," Liv responded as she let go of Billie who did as she was told, pausing to kiss her Dad on the cheek and say goodnight.
"No problem, I'll see you guys shortly."
/
"I'm glad you came to pick me up, Uncle Sonny," Noah told him as they walked back to his and Amanda's apartment. "I had a weird thing happen to me today and I don't know if I can tell Trevor now that he and Mom are such good friends," he made air quotes.
Sonny hid a smile. "You think he'll tell her?"
Noah shrugged, "I don't know, but … can you keep this between us?"
"Of course. Unless it's bad, in that case I might need to tell her, you know the rules…" Noah just nodded.
"So today after my English class this girl was waiting for me, her name is Kaci and she used to hang out with the popular clique, she's a cheerleader and we just began talking — it felt kind of random but she and her friend Katie ate with Adam and I… I think Adam is in to her friend and I dunno, she's really nice. I've never had a girlfriend before."
"No? No girlfriend?," Sonny asked. "That's not true, when you were in first grade you always told me about the girls you had lining up to be your girlfriend," he grinned at the teen, giving him a playful shove.
Noah laughed, "be for real…"
"Well… okay, so you guys have formed your own little group — that must be nice. Do you like her?"
Noah shrugged again, "I guess? She's really pretty. She has pretty eyes and blonde hair and she's smart, smarter than most of the other girls she used to hang out with. I just know if I say anything to Mom … or if I go to her house to study like she suggested, Mom will get weird."
Sonny smiled, "OK, so here's the thing, girl's sometimes like to make us think that we've come up with certain ideas, but really they have code words or their intentions might not always be as pure either," he started.
"Wait-" Noah interrupted, "if she's invited me to study, I'm going to be studying. If she's inviting me for any other reason — I'm not interested or… I guess I'm not ready."
"Yeah but things happen kiddo," Sonny told him gently, "you think that, but then hormones get in the way and at 14, it's a lot easier to be guided by all these new feelings, you know?"
"Mmmm…" Noah murmured. "What if I don't know how I feel about her?"
"Do you like her romantically? Or do you think she would be a better friend?" Sonny asked him point-blank.
"Well I don't know because I've never really liked a girl before, except for when I was little but I obviously wasn't feeling romantic about them at 5 or 6, but I've not really had real feelings for anyone so how do I know?"
"You've never looked at a girl and thought, Mmm I wouldn't mind kissing her?," his uncle pressed, a little surprised.
"Mmm not really. I feel like that's pretty disrespectful to think about someone like that, so maybe I just block that feeling out. I'm just a bit confused — what made her suddenly today just show up like we've been friends forever, is it some kind of scam?"
"Maybe … your friend, Adam, he's interested in her friend and it was her way of just deciding to bite the bullet and be your friend too, because it sounds like pretty soon your pal might have a girlfriend and then you'll need to have someone to hang out with, not necessary make your girlfriend, but there's nothing fun about third wheeling."
"True," Noah replied. "I guess you're right."
"Treat her like a friend and maybe a more romantic feeling will come along and if it doesn't that's okay too, kiddo, you're only 14 and you have so many years of girls coming and going."
Noah heaved a sigh. Sonny didn't understand and he wasn't able to articulate the way that he felt. "Before we get back to your place, can we talk about Mom and Trevor?"
Sonny pressed his lips together to try not to smile. "Sure, what about them?"
"Do you know what's going on? He's sending her flowers, he came over last week when he picked up his dog. Mom said he never came in, but she lied because I saw his sweater on the couch and Mom told me it was an old gym one of Elliot's she kept but then a few days later, Trevor wore it to school."
"Noah, honestly I don't know what's going on. I do think they're just friends at this point, but maybe he likes her — is that so bad?"
"Arghhhh," Noah groaned, "I want it to be a problem, I don't want her to date my teacher," he told him frustratedly, "but then I don't want to be selfish because my Mom deserves to have a nice guy who treats her nicely and I think Trevor is a really nice guy… but I know this sounds dumb, but I just wanted something to myself. Someone that wasn't related to anyone in my life… and now… he's more interested in impressing my Mom and chatting to her than he is about me."
"I'm actually certain that's not true. When he came to dinner last weekend he and I walked to get some beer for Uncle Steve despite that moron not turning up," Sonny flashed Noah a cheeky smile, Noah understood that Sonny wasn't a huge fan of his older sister's second husband. "The whole time we talked about how you were such a wonderful kid and how your Mom was so lucky. He said that he took some care in you because of how free-spirited and social you were a few years ago and now you ended up in some trouble."
"Yeah, because now I'm used to being alone because nobody likes me."
"That's absolutely not true, Noah," Sonny stopped him, touching his shoulder. "Kid, do you really believe that?"
"Yes… I just hate it because I know Elliot's the problem and I don't know why it's taken me so long to be so angry with him and with Mom sometimes too."
"Listen, anger is okay but it's not okay to misdirect it. Your Mom is just as much of a victim of Elliot as you are…"
"I know that. This is why people don't want to be around me anymore, Uncle Sonny, because I'm not nice. I think the worst things when I'm upset and I can't control it."
"Kiddo, stop being so hard on yourself. We all let our minds go crazy when we are angry or upset."
"Please don't tell Mom about the stuff with Kaci or even Trevor…"
"I know you don't want her to date Trevor, but do you think that if she was feeling pretty serious about him and if he was serious about her, it would bother you a lot? Wouldn't it be nice to have a guy around more that you could hang out with?"
"Like you said, no one likes a third wheel…"
Sonny swore interiorly at the way his own words had come back to bite him.
"No, this is different this is your Mom and your Mom will put you before anything she ever wants. I know that for a fact."
"Do you really think she put me first when Elliot was around? I find it hard to remember and sometimes I think I'm remembering wrong because I'm hurt."
"I think… your Mom tried her very best to navigate her relationship with Elliot and to do the best thing for you. Elliot was very persuasive and said all the right things until your Mom felt safe enough to allow you to be part of that relationship. She wanted a father for you, someone that you could rely on and Elliot made a commitment but unfortunately his actions didn't match his words and as someone that your Mom knew forever, she wanted it to work so much and I think she may have sometimes been clouded by who she knew him to be before he left the first time and who he was when he returned." He looked at Noah, "does that make sense?"
Noah nodded.
"But she did her best, Noah, as parents we make the decisions in the moment that we think are right and sometimes we realise they weren't the right decisions and we feel that forever. Your Mom absolutely put you first even if it might not have seemed so."
"Thanks Uncle Sonny…"
"Noah, you're getting old enough to understand that your Mom deserves happiness. Possibly more than most people. She's been through a lot and she gives a lot of her heart to other people and often doesn't leave much for herself… try not to be too mad with her."
"I'm not mad with her, it's just moments when I get sad or feel sad about stuff."
"That's fair, but in those moments you need to open up and have the grace to remind yourself that your Mom loves you unconditionally, more than any man that has come and gone and nothing will ever change that."
"Thank you."
Sonny patted him on the back. "You're a good kid Noah, and you're very well-liked, I promise you that."
/
"Mom, I need to ask you something…" Noah asked his Mom as they both got home and he noticed another tell-tale sign of Trevor's presence. Two mugs on the sink, still soaking.
"Hmm? What is it?"
"If I had a girlfriend would you be upset if I didn't tell you about it?," he asked, following her down the hall to her bedroom, waiting outside of her door, knowing that she was getting changed. He stood against the wall bouncing off it gently and impatiently.
Olivia suddenly reappeared in the doorway, "I'm sorry, what? Do you have a girlfriend, Noah?"
He couldn't help but to laugh at the quizzical expression on her face - a mixture of happiness but concern. "Get changed. I'll talk to you in a minute."
While he'd waited for his Mom to finish up with Amanda and Sonny, he'd sat on the couch watching Netflix and had downloaded Snapchat because Kaci had told him that's the social media of choice for herself and Adam and Katie. They invited Noah to a group chat. He didn't really like it, but he went along with it.
She'd sent him a private message that he'd been flattered by. "Hi Noah, it was fun getting to talk to you today at lunch, Adam was right, you are a really nice guy. I meant it when I offered for you to come around and work on your English essay with me…"
Noah smiled, her direct message was enhanced by a selfie of her smiling and poking her tongue out. "Sorry, I'm not good with selfies, I am not nearly as cute as you are… I'll have to ask my Mom about coming over, I don't know how she'll feel about it — she's very protective. She'd probably want to meet your parents and make sure they were home and standing over us," he joked.
She had texted back, "My Mom and Dad are the same, it's fine. If your Mom felt better, maybe I could come to your apartment? My Mom would happily talk to her. It's nothing suspicious, we're just friends right — and by the way thank you for saying I'm cute. But you're really cute too," she sent it with a blush emoji and suddenly he understood what Sonny was talking about — a rush of emotions, perhaps it was flattery, but he felt good.
He got in to his pajamas and Olivia waited for him. "So tell me, girlfriend… what do I need to know?"
He started to laugh at her business-like attitude. "Calm down Mom, I just want you to answer the question first, would you be upset if I had a girlfriend and didn't tell you."
She leaned over the kitchen counter watching him refill a water bottle. "Want a drink?," he asked while he still had the water pitcher out.
"Sure," Olivia replied, "I don't know about upset-"
Noah put the glass down on the granite and cocked his head at her with a smirk, "be honest."
"OK, yeah I'd be a little upset and I'd want to know why you've kept it a secret, but I also understand that it could be awkward for you to talk about."
"But you'd still want me to try," he added, "right?"
"Right," she agreed.
"Okay, well for the record, I don't have a girlfriend, but there might be a girl who I'm interested in and she's asked me to go to her house to work on our English essays sometime over the weekend. Would you let me do that?"
"Hm," a faint smile spread across her mouth. "This is a first time as a Mom, I have to think about you being a little bit grown up, it's … confronting."
"Mom, you don't have to worry, even if she wanted to do something besides study, I'm not ready for that… but if you don't feel comfortable, could I maybe invite her here? She said that her Mom would be happy to talk to you."
"I'd prefer her come here," Olivia replied, "I would just like to meet her to put myself at ease. But you know, honey, this means we're going to have a talk-"
"Nope!," he replied quickly, "nope I am not having that kind of a talk with you. Nothing like that is going to happen. I don't even know if I want to have a girlfriend or if I'm ready to have a girlfriend. I don't even think I want to make out with a girl right now."
His comment triggered some earlier passing thoughts, but she ignored it, perhaps he was still navigating hitting puberty and being interested in the opposite sex. "Okay. Well, you let me know when you want that to happen and I'll get in touch with her Mom. What's her name?"
"Kaci. She and Adam and her friend have known each other a long time."
"Alright. Well Noah, if this does turn out to be your girlfriend, I hope she's nice, because I'm protective," she smiled.
He handed her a drink with a smile and a roll of his eyes. She went to take it the water and leave him to putting the pitcher away when he stopped her. "Wait, I'm not finished…"
"Oh, sorry?"
"Yeah…" his voice trailed off. He grabbed a banana and spent far too long trying to open it. "What's happening between you and Trevor? I know he was here at least twice this week while I was at school. Are you guys still just friends?"
She was taken off-guard by his direct question. "How do you know he was here?"
"Seriously? Do you think I'm stupid. There are two coffee cups in the sink. Earlier this week you said that sweater was Elliot's sweater and then I got to training and Trev was wearing it… the same way you'd be upset with me if I didn't tell you about having a girlfriend is the same way I'd feel if you kept me out of the loop with anything that's happening between you and Trevor."
She looked down guiltily. "I'm sorry for lying about the sweater," she told him sincerely, "but honey, I really don't have anything to tell you. I'm not trying to keep anything from you, but I don't want to involve you in this part of my life unless I'm 1000% sure it's a sure thing."
He furrowed his brow, "How can you not involve me? I'm the reason you both met!"
"I just mean that… I wouldn't want you to get your hopes up or be upset with me if he left. I wouldn't want to introduce someone in to your life who may leave us again and this time after what happened with Elliot, I have to be sure, honey."
"So, are you dating him? You have to at least tell me that."
"He asked to take me on a date, yes. He came here for coffee this morning before he went to work and I like him and I think he really likes me too, that's as honest as I can be, but this is something that is so new to me and I'm very… careful."
"Its okay to be scared Mom, I think I'm scared too maybe that's why I feel upset about it, I'm scared that if it doesn't work out, I won't have Trevor in my life at all."
"We've talked about that and you're our off-limits. If dating doesn't work, we go back to being friends and you will still get to have him as your friend, I promise that."
"I want you to be happy Mom, please don't think I don't. I just worry about it because of Elliot." Olivia saw how her child's face soured at the mention of his name. "But the problem was with him, not you. Trevor is nothing like Elliot, I already know that."
"You're right about that," Olivia replied. "You know, I'll do my best to keep you very updated about what happens with Trevor, but you can't go asking him questions. I'm sure it's difficult for him to navigate too."
"Yeah, okay," he agreed reluctantly he took his drink bottle and screwed the top on. "I wish it wasn't Trevor," he said at last, "but I do want you to be happy because you're always trying to make everyone else happy, you deserve it."
She smiled at him. "Thanks and I wish it wasn't Trevor too, I mean… I wish he wasn't your teacher or there wasn't this weird boundary that I feel like I'm dancing on, I hate it but I also can't help the way we both feel," she told him gently.
"I'll get past it," he shrugged, coming around the counter to her side. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes tight, enjoying the hugs she gave him without ever flinching. "I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
"I'm going to bed, I have a friendly game of football with our team tomorrow after school, so I'm going to be home late."
"Can I come watch?" Olivia asked.
"No," Noah replied bluntly. "Goodnight, love you."
She couldn't help but to laugh as he disappeared down the hall and in to his bedroom.
She took a few mouthfuls of her water and put her glass on the sink. She shook her head at her stupidity of leaving the evidence of Trevor's visit all over the apartment.
Things had been going slowly and it was nice, they talked for hours at the table, sitting close and holding on to one another's hands and sharing a kiss or two, but as hard as it was for her not to just want to rip his clothes off, she was trying not to push him, wanting to let him make the first move, wondering if it might be a little difficult for him.
It was nice to have someone to talk to every night after Noah went to sleep. It was the time when she felt loneliest, when there was too much time to overthink everything.
Olivia picked up her phone, hey, are you still awake? Are you up for a wine or whisky closet chat shortly?
Trevor chuckled when he received her text. He was tired and he was thankful that sleeping was coming a little easier to him since the weekend with his family and since he and Olivia had started seeing each other more, but he couldn't say no to her. Yeah, anything for you… just text me when you're ready.
It was already 11pm, far too late for Noah to have been awake. She saw his light was still on as she pushed the door open, "Babe, go to sleep… it's late."
"I am, I just have this app that helps with mindfulness before bed… I'm trying it out."
"Yeah?," she smiled, "who told you about that."
"Kaci, the girl from school. She said it helps her feel relaxed before bed."
"Okay, well I hope it works, because you've got a big afternoon tomorrow as you just told me. Goodnight." She pulled his bedroom door ajar and heard her son's lamp click off.
/
Before
Noah shot up in bed, a loud crash waking him up. He sat up and listened for a second and could only hear the hush of his Mom talking. He yawned and rubbed his face and saw on his alarm clock that it was just before midnight. He got up to go and use the bathroom.
"This is bullshit, Olivia!" Elliot hissed angrily. Noah stopped, frozen to the spot. Recently Elliot had become angrier, yelling more and it scared him. Most nights he went to sleep with his earphones on with his music cranked up because what he didn't hear didn't worry him.
"It's not bullshit, who the fuck do you think you are telling me how to raise my kid?"
"Your kid is turning in to a fucking wimp! Do you know what I saw when I picked him up from school? He stopped to hug five of his little friends, the kid's voice is about to break and he's hugging his male friends yelling at them that he loves them from across the hall. I don't know about you, Olivia but that's not normal."
Noah felt his heart sink. He knew Elliot was upset with him, he didn't know why but it was tense from the time he was picked up from school. He was excited to see the detective after a week of him working undercover. He had been grinning when he made a beeline toward him, but Elliot was grimacing. He opened up his arms but Elliot just gave him a pat on the shoulder.
The rejection had felt like a knife. "I missed you!," he tried.
"I was only gone a few days, Noah, come on, let's go…" Elliot replied, without another word. They had gone to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner which Noah knew he hated to do. He hated it when cooking was left up to him.
"Elliot maybe we could cook Mommy something special? She'll be tired when she gets home…" he suggested.
"Noah," he glanced at him, "you are almost 11. You're not a baby; it's Mom not Mommy. Got it?" Elliot didn't bother hiding his irritation.
Noah frowned, feeling his eyes prickle with tears as Elliot chose a few items. "Why are you always so mean to me?," he asked softly, in a tiny voice.
A woman passing by with her cart glanced at the little boy, his eyes filming over with water. She hadn't caught what he'd said, but noticed the moments where the tears spilled down his cheeks. "Oh, honey," she remarked, taken by the gorgeous blue-eyed, curly-haired child looking absolutely crestfallen.
"He's fine," Elliot flashed the woman a tight smile. "Noah, it's alright, there's no need to cry, kiddo. I'm not being mean to you, I'm just telling you how it is for your own good."
The old woman wasn't convinced, she watched him wipe his nose with his school sweater. She reached in to her purse and pulled out a clean handkerchief. "Here you go sweetheart, it's clean, I promise," she winked at him. "Sometimes Dad's can are a little more strict than Mommys," she told him.
"Thank you," Noah said politely taking the handkerchief. She gave Elliot a pointed look. He knew it was time to back off. He didn't feel good about making Noah cry, he just felt irritated at Olivia's lack of responsibility in setting up to be a man.
As he stood in the hall eavesdropping on the fight, he felt the same way he had in the afternoon, worthless— like nothing he could ever do would be enough to earn Elliot's love, or even like.
"Don't you ever call my son a wimp, having emotions, loving his friends, being a kind, affectionate person does not make him anything but a good soul, what the fuck is wrong with you? How dare you."
"I can't do this Liv, I can't pretend. I am tired of the tears at the drop of a hat, this over-emotional bullshit that you just pander to, it's time to cut the cord…"
"You haven't changed," Noah heard Olivia's voice, breaking. "You haven't changed Elliot, you are the same selfish asshole you were when you left me the first time. You promised me you'd try and I was stupid enough to believe you…"
"Why am I still here!" He exploded with rage. Noah flinched as something crashed to the ground, he could hear Olivia weeping. He quickly ran back to his bedroom and took his iPad in to his closet and hit the FaceTime button, hoping to be able to get on the phone to Uncle Sonny.
When Sonny didn't answer he tried Amanda. After a few rings, she answered. "Liv?"
"Shhh," Noah hushed her as the screaming began down the hall, it was mostly Elliot with Olivia yelling at him to leave. "Auntie Amanda, can you please come here… I'm really scared, Mom and Elliot are screaming and I can hear things smashing," he sobbed.
"Okay, okay… where are you? Are you safe? I'm on my way."
"I'm in my closet, please hurry up, I'm scared."
"Okay baby, just hold on… I'm in the car now." He was thankful that Amanda must have been at work.
"Is Uncle Sonny with you?"
"Yes baby he's with me. I'll just be a minute…" she told him.
"Stay on the line Noah," Sonny directed him.
Noah wiped his eyes as he jumped, hearing something else crash. He was scared for his Mom. He pushed the closet open, unable to stay still. He dropped the iPad, hearing Sonny calling after him. He ran down the hall and in to the living area where he found his Mom pressed up against the wall and Elliot screaming at her. He shoved Elliot with all of his might, "Leave my Mom alone!," he yelled, ignoring something that stung his foot. "Get away from her!"
Elliot was taken by surprise by the small set of hands digging in to his side, sending him just slightly off balance.
He grabbed Noah's hand firmly and pulled it off of him, letting go as quickly as he had grabbed him. "Fuck!" He screamed out loud in to the air, stepping away. Olivia grabbed Noah and pulled his tiny body close to her and hugged him tightly as they both cried.
"Sorry," he apologised, "sorry, Liv, I'm sorry Noah…"
"Just go…" Olivia wept, "please-"
The front door opened and footsteps came rushed down the hall, startling everyone. Olivia was shocked to find Amanda and Sonny standing in the doorway, "you need to leave," Sonny said to Elliot, "get your shit and leave,"
"I'm going…" Sonny followed close behind him to Liv's bedroom to make sure he was collecting some things.
Amanda rushed to her friend and Noah, "are either of you hurt? Did he hit you or do anything?" Amanda demanded to know.
"No," Olivia shook her head, not even being able to look at her. "We're okay," she murmured. "We're okay right babe?"
Noah nodded, burying his face in to Olivia's side, holding on to her tightly. "Come on guys, come and take a seat. Watch your feet," she nodded toward the glass and a broken pot and plant all over the floor.
Amanda picked up Noah, letting a shell-shocked looking Olivia step over the mess on the tip-toes until she made it to the couch. "Do you want a drink, Liv? I'll get you something strong."
She nodded as her friend set Noah down beside her. She made her way back to the kitchen and poured Olivia a stiff drink and worked on making a hot cocoa for Noah while Olivia tried to console her young son.
Elliot poked his head in to the living room to check in on everyone, the guilt of his behaviour starting to set in, coupled with regret. "I'm really sorry, Liv…" he said softly, "I didn't mean to scare you or Noah."
She glanced up with tears in her eyes. "I think you should just go…"
He just nodded and slung his backpack over one shoulder and headed out with Sonny following him. Once gone, he locked the front door and made his way back down toward Liv and Noah. He helped Amanda in the kitchen.
"Can you take this to Liv, honey?," Amanda held out the drink. Carisi made his way over and handed it to her.
"What can I do, Liv? What do you need from us?"
"How did you know to come here?," she wondered, stammering a little, still shaking.
"Noah called us from his iPad, he was afraid. He could hear yelling and things breaking," Sonny explained. "You okay buddy,?" He asked Noah.
Noah nodded. "I just wanna be with my Mom," he murmured.
"Its okay babe," Olivia replied, kissing his temple. She glanced down at his pajamas, noticing a little bit of blood that looked like it was coming from his foot. "Hey, did you hurt your foot on some glass?"
Noah glanced at his foot and shrugged. Olivia lifted his leg and took his ankle gently to see the bottom of her son's foot. She glanced at Carisi, "Sonny could you please go in to the bathroom and get something from the cupboard for his cut?"
"Sure boss," she replied.
Amanda came back in and handed Noah a small mug. She sat down on the couch. "Hey baby, look I made you a hot cocoa to warm you up a little, would you like a sip?"
Noah nodded uttering a soft thank you. He took a sip and warmed his hands as Sonny arrived back with some antiseptic and a plaster. Noah winced as Olivia blotted his cut with a tissue until she could see it. "Does it feel like there's any glass in there?," she wondered.
"No Mommy," he replied.
"Okay." She put a little anti-septic on a cotton puff and dabbed at it giving her son's back a rub as he winced in pain. She popped a plaster over it and Sonny opted to take the rubbish. "There you go."
"Why don't I clean this up, where do you keep your broom and your dust pan…"
/
present
After listening to a song or two, Noah lifted off his headphones and put them up. It had been years that he'd not allowed himself to sleep without them - a childish fear from when Elliot was around that had followed him in to his teen years. Even though Elliot was no longer in their lives, the fear was still real— of waking up to aggression and yelling and hissed words — not always about him, but somehow he always came up — Elliot's way of punishing his mother and pushing her buttons.
He didn't need the earphones anymore. It made it harder to sleep and Trevor would never treat his mother the way Elliot had, at least that much he knew.
Maybe that would change, maybe if things became serious he'd need the earphones again, maybe his Mom liked drama in her relationships; he wasn't sure, but he knew that for now things were calm and there was no chance of him waking up to tumultuousness.
He closed his eyes thinking about what a nice night he'd had with Adam.
/
"Goodness woman, how do you manage to look so fucking beautiful each time I see your face…" Trevor shook his head with disbelief as Olivia's face appeared on her iPad from the confines of her closet.
She felt her cheeks heat up; she laughed. "Oh, stop it, you know I don't do compliments well…"
He chuckled lightheartedly, so very happy to see her face. "I don't care, I'm going to keep complimenting you every single day until youre used to it," he informed her. He was laying back on his bed against the bed head with an arm behind his head and his dog leaning against him. He looked stunning, she thought and she couldn't wipe the smile from her face.
"So… do you know who some girl called Kaci is? She's in Noah's English class."
Trevor thought for a moment, "Oh yeah, maybe Kaci Whitlam, why?"
"Turns out this little minx has her paws firmly locked in on my kid," she laughed, "do you know anything about that?"
Trevor laughed, "I'm not shocked. She's a cheerleader. She used to be part of that annoying crowd of kids who get off on making sure anyone and everyone is scared of them."
"Great…" Olivia made a face.
"No, its okay, she's a really sweet girl. There's a big faction between that group and a couple of the sporty kids now, its a good thing, I think they got sick of being known as the mean girls, because they're not. Her friend and Adam have been close for a long time, but I think it's just you know, puppy love - both flirty but too scared to act on it."
"Right… I think Noah is a bit the same. He told me she's really nice and kind but he's probably not ready for a girlfriend or to make out or anything more."
Trevor smiled. "You know what I absolutely love about your son?"
"What?"
"He says he has trouble talking about his feelings but actually, he is one of the most honest kids I've come across, he's very in touch with how he feels and blunt about it too. And you know what? His Mom is the exact same."
Olivia smiled at him. "You think I am good at communicating how I feel?"
"Well… with me you are. I think so, anyway," he replied.
She thought about it and then shrugged, "maybe its because it's you. You make it easy and you never make me feel silly… and maybe Noah gets that with you too."
"And you. You have that specialness about you Olivia, that's why Noah is so open with you — more so than most kids and their parents."
"Thanks for saying that," she smiled, "we talked about you and I tonight… he caught me out in a lie. I left both our mugs on the sink from this morning and the sweater I gave you back yesterday he saw you wear — I told him it was one of mine left behind from Elliot."
"Oh shit… how did that go, I'm sorry, Liv."
"It was okay. He said he wished it was someone else that I liked, but he also said he wants me to be happy and that he'd get over the weirdness of how it'd feel but also conveyed to me that he was scared because of what happened with Elliot — that maybe he'd get left behind."
"Actually… I was meaning to ask you. I need you to know that Noah is as important to me as you are and I don't want him to ever question that… so with that in mind, would you feel okay if I took Noah to a football game? I overheard him telling Adam that he'd been to a few NBA games with Sonny but never been to a baseball or NFL game…"
Olivia was grinning. "You know… right before Elliot and I broke up, Elliot promised to take him to a Yankees game but it was scheduled right before he left… and the shit took the tickets with him, if he ever even bought them in the first place."
"Well I won't do that to Noah. A promise is a promise and I'll buy the tickets tomorrow if you tell me its okay."
"Its okay," Olivia smiled, "and thank you."
"Of course…and you, my sweet face, when are you available for a date?"
"Hmmm…" she took a big mouthful of wine. "I have Billie next Wednesday night, thats the first of my days off. She's not going to school on Thursday or Friday, but she decided she wants to spend the night with Serafina on Thursday night and Amanda said I can say that I'm working and Noah can spend the night there…"
Trevor smiled, "Yeah? Thursday night? I have a few ideas but just in case we have too much to drink, I might take friday morning off and go in to work a bit later."
"Okay and then do you want to come to family dinner on Friday night too? Or is that too much?"
"No, I'd like that but only if it's okay with the Carisi family."
"Its always going to be okay with them. I won't even repeat the kinds of encouraging things Amanda is telling me to do," she grinned at him cheekily.
Trevor laughed too. "Why do I get the picture that out of the two of you, she's a little bit more evil than you? No, evil is the wrong word… just more wild."
"Because she is," Olivia chuckled, "but she's just so incredibly sweet and we kind of … are similar."
"I like her. I like all of your extended family. They're good people."
"You're good people," she smiled. "Is it dumb that even though I can see you, all I want is to have you face to face to feel you holding me? Gosh, I hate myself for sounding so pathetic."
Trevor was smiling, "that's not pathetic. I can come for a quick walk down to your apartment and give you exactly that if you want me to."
"Nah, that's silly, you're in bed."
"Do you really need me to prove to you that I will do whatever you need me to do to make you feel how much I care about you? Because I'm very willing."
Olivia flicked her eyes up and gave him a little smile. "I could meet you downstairs?"
He was already up. "OK, give me 10 minutes and I'll give you the best hug…"
"Really?," she chuckled, "Trevor, its okay, I just miss you but I'll see you soon, I know that."
"No way. Now I need a cuddle from the best woman I know."
"Well, I can't top that. See you in ten."
/
Olivia was outside on the front stoop sitting out in the mild weather with a light sweatshirt, waiting for him. He grinned when he saw her staring at her phone. "Hi baby," he greeted her softly, taking a seat beside her on the step. She grinned right back at him, overwhelmed with her feelings for him as he took her face gently in his hands and kissed her softly and lingeringly, "hi," she whispered back after their mouths parted.
He noticed her eyes closing again, wanting another soft kiss. Their mouths aligned and he let his lips graze against hers lightly before locking them together, tasting the tip of her tongue with his own. He made a soft groaning noise as her arms slid around his chest. He wrapped his arms around her too.
When he broke the kiss he drew her body close to him. She felt small against his broad frame and cozied in to him with a relieved smile. "This is nice, its so nice to have you here with me."
"It is… I'm glad I got out of bed for this, it was 100 percent worth it."
He felt her sigh with contentment. He reached up, stroking her hair. "I want so many of these memories with you…" his voice trailed off. "I'm gonna have to start seeing you daily, Liv, I hate to tell you that…"
She chuckled. "I can do coffee dates at lunch or you could come and visit me at the precinct when I'm on shift… we just have to try hard to make this work."
"So far it doesn't feel like hard work…I'm just very excited for our date."
"Me too," she replied. She drew away so that she could see his handsome face. He searched her eyes. He could have gotten lost in them. With the slight smile adorning her lips, he realised that he too, was falling in love.
He closed his eyes and gave her another soft kiss. She leaned against his chest again and let him hold her tight. "I know you can't stay long and I shouldn't either, Noah could wake up… but I could stay like this forever…"
"Me too," he murmured, letting his voice trail. He really couldn't wait for their date and to maybe invite her to his own apartment and relax knowing that there wasn't a teen that may burst in at any moment.
They sat in silence, enjoying their cuddle, both thinking about where they wanted their relationship to head and just how invested they both were so early on.
"I wish I could invite you up to lay with me and be big spoon. I bet I'd have the best sleep."
"We can do that on date night if you like," he blurted out. Truthfully, he was nervous about having Olivia at his apartment. Even though it wasn't he apartment he lived at while he was married, there was still a lot of traces of Lana all around and he desperately didn't want to scare Olivia off.
Maybe it was time, he thought, maybe the shrine to his late wife needed to be removed; if anything, looking at it made him deeply sad. Maybe a photo or two was enough to keep her memory in his heart. In some ways, based on the conversations he'd been having with Raia, Lana would have preferred he move forward.
"I would love that…"
"No expectation, just sleep time cuddles."
Olivia smiled to herself. "Thanks Trev, that actually sounds perfect."
"Okay, I'll pencil that in," he kissed her temple again, proud of himself for finally going after what he wanted without being held back by his own grief or guilt.
