Hello readers!
Thank you for reading this story and all of my others over the past year. I really appreciate you all so much! :) I wanted to post something as a little Christmas gift for those of you who are very invested in this story! Also, as well as the chapter, you even get a free recipe for a kamakazi shot hahaha. Don't say I don't deliver! I hope you've all had a merry christmas and if you're anything like me, you're enjoying the peaceful solitude and the days free of having to work. I probably won't be able to post another update until the new year, but we'll see :)
Thank you and take care and have safe holidays!
Past
"I can't do this!" Olivia sobbed, turning her head as Elliot got closer to her, scaring her, unsure of his next step. How could she, a woman who was otherwise so strong, be so weak, she wondered. She knew that if she tried to fight there would be a struggle, but she was so sick of the fight.
"You know what your problem is? You quit on things, Olivia, you quit. If you want to know why we never were back then, it's because I knew we wouldn't be perfect and you'd quit us."
It was bullshit and he knew it. Nothing happened between them because he didn't love her the way he loved Kathy and she had been aware of that, even okay with that, but what he was saying as he towered over her, dwarfing her, not in a way that made her feel protected, but in a way that bordered on her fearing him, she knew it was absolute bullshit, absolving himself of any responsibility.
Blaming things on everyone else but himself.
As usual.
Nothing had changed, she thought as she sobbed and more than anything she was disappointed with herself for not realising it sooner. "Bullshit," she murmured softly, her voice soft— defeated.
Elliot's jaw hardened and his blue eyes burned right through hers. She looked away first, reaching up to wipe the tears that streaked down her cheeks. "You …." He shook his head, clenching his fist and pounding the wall beside her head with all of his might, putting a crack in the drywall, "you have been a colossal waste of my time."
Her heart was shattered and she felt her legs buckle beneath her as she slowly slid down until she was on the floor, sobbing, unable to keep it in. It had been months and months of fighting and arguing and passive-aggressive comments, of chocolate coated insults and accusations that she was a bad parent.
She couldn't endure it anymore.
"Yep…" he nodded, watching her huddled on the floor, apart at the seams, feeling like everything she had ever wanted had been ripped from beneath her, "always the victim. So quick to blame everyone else when you can't even do any fucking self reflection…" he spoke evenly as she cried. "Now I can see where Noah gets it from."
She wanted to tell him to get the fuck out but she was pretty sure that it he was leaving anyway.
She said nothing, holding her knees to her chest, feeling hopeless. He disappeared and she heard the front door slam shut. She let go of her sobs, thankful that Noah was at school where he didn't have to witness the fight.
/
Olivia felt herself panic a little when she heard Elliot arrive home later that night. She cuddled Noah just that little bit closer as she waited for him to trudge down the hallway. She couldn't help but feel her insides tighten as Noah got as close to her as possible, clutching on to her tighter.
He appeared in the doorway, glancing at Noah in the bed with his Mom and bit his tongue. He shedded his jacket. Noah looked up at his Mom who gave him a comforting smile, caressing his curls. "Its okay," she murmured to her son softly.
"What?" Elliot asked, stepping back out of the closet space.
"I was talking to Noah," she replied without looking up to give him any attention.
He came back out in a wife beater and his work pants. "You," he nodded at Noah and whistled, pointing behind him to the other end of the hall, "beat it, back to your own bed."
"Uh, no," Olivia replied flatly. "Noah and I are watching a movie and you don't speak to him like he's an animal, he's my son. You can sleep on the couch for all I care."
"Its okay Mommy, I can go to bed," Noah said quickly, desperately hoping for zero conflict.
"No, it's fine. Elliot is tired and he'd really like to sleep on the couch and you can sleep here with Mommy tonight," she told him with a smile. "Elliot can maybe sleep in your bed."
Without a word, he disappeared in to the bathroom to have a shower. Once he was done, he left the bedroom and went to make himself a bed on the couch.
She turned to Noah and kissed his forehead again. "Wait here, sweetie," she told him. She got up and closed the bedroom door, looking around to make sure she had her phone. She locked the door, thankful for the time Elliot insisted they get a lock for intimate time to stop Noah from letting himself in.
She came back to bed. "Okay, where were we…" she began, unpausing the movie.
"Mommy, I'm scared…" Noah murmured. She glanced at him and noticed that a few tears had escaped his eyes. "Oh no, gorgeous boy, there's nothing to be afraid of, I promise you. I just want to have some time to hang out with my favourite person in the entire world alone without Elliot. You don't have to stay here, you can go back to your own room if you like."
"No, I wanna stay with you," he said quickly. She cuddled him closer again. She gave him a little squeeze and a kiss on the forehead.
She wiped his tears. "Baby don't cry okay? There's no need…"
"Is Elliot going to move out?," he whispered.
"I'm not sure," she answered honestly. "Uncle Sonny is pretty mad at him after they came and made him leave last week. If things don't stay nice and calm between us all, I think Elliot will have to find somewhere else to live…" she told her son with as much transparency as she could muster, ignoring the fact that they'd had yet another screaming match earlier in the morning.
Things weren't getting better, but the glimpses of the good was just enough to keep her holding on to a thread.
Noah said nothing and focused back on the movie. Olivia tried as well; she was tired, emotionally and physically. She was tired of all the false promises, the words without actions, the yelling and the screaming and the blaming.
He was always blaming her for everything. There were very few times that he was able to apologise without adding a reason for his reaction. "I'm sorry but if you…"
It was tired and as a result she'd lost friendships and she was almost too frightened to tell anyone how on edge she felt in their apartment. She was frustrated that she had let him talk her in to moving in with him so soon and how she had stupidly expected a happy ever after to start.
It had been especially bad in recent times since Noah had called the police on him. It was the way he looked at her son with annoyance and disgust and no real apology for the little boy who was so frightened that he'd hid himself in the cupboard, worried about what might happen if Elliot found out he was calling the police.
She couldn't have it and with each passing day she felt like things were just getting worse. She needed to summon as much of her strength as possible to ask him to find somewhere else to live — or, start looking for somewhere herself.
She saw that Noah was asleep and while the anger still burned inside her from the way he had tried to immediately oust her son out of bed, she knew it was now or never. She got up and headed down the hall to find him sipping on a glass of bourbon with a pillow on the couch and a blanket from the guest room.
He was watching some shitty cop show on TV. He glanced up to see her. "Noah in bed?," he asked.
"No," she replied without explanation. "Elliot, this is really hard to say," she began, doing her best not to get emotional. He set the drink down as she came closer, taking a seat on the edge of the other couch. "But, I can see the resentment you have toward Noah. I don't know why that is, but you made a promise four months ago that you would fix it and you tried and now… it's actually worse than it's ever been and I can't ignore it anymore."
He said nothing, listening to her, hearing her out.
"You yell and scream and sometimes…" she shrugged, daring to look him in the eye, "sometimes I'm afraid of you and I know Noah certainly is."
"C'mon, as if I'd ever hurt you, either of you…"
"But you have and you are," she told him, breaking down, finally. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't want to live in a home where my kid wakes from his sleep to screaming and yelling or where he feels like he has to go to sleep every night with earphones on because he's scared. You wouldn't want that for your own kids and it would break your heart if you found out that they felt that way, I don't know why your compassion doesn't extend to my boy."
Elliot finished off his drink and set it down. "I don't know what my problem is…"
"I think this has to change and change drastically, or else… one of us is going to have to find a new place to live." She pushed the words out, "and once I'm out, El, I'm out. I won't be giving this any more shots." She paused, "this morning you screamed at me and you said I was weak— this is me being strong and standing up for myself and for my little boy."
"Can you please come and sit next to me?," he asked finally.
She got up and eased down beside him on the couch. "I love you. In my own stupid, fucked up way, the only way I know how, I love you." He put an arm around her and kissed her temple. "I do have trouble connecting with Noah at times, that's true, but I never want him to think I could hurt him nor do I ever want him to feel scared of me in his own home."
"I know we have different parenting styles, but you need to stop with this wimp bullshit, stop telling him he has to stop calling me Mommy, stop getting up his ass for normal kid stuff that I've seen you overlook in your own children… just leave him alone."
"Okay."
"You're not his parent, Elliot. If I really could see or believed that you wanted to take an active role in his life as a caregiver, then fine, we'd have to talk about it and meet in the middle, but you don't want that. I don't know how to navigate this relationship given that, I don't even know that we can, but we won't be having any children either…"
"I thought you wanted a baby…" his voice trailed off.
"I do, but I don't want my son to ever play second fiddle to sibling and I know that you will not have the ability to treat Noah with as much love as your baby — you've already admitted that to me, so… for me, it's a deal breaker when it comes to children…. And you have five of your own, so maybe you should focus on them more."
"That hurts but I suppose that's … fair."
It wasn't what she wanted to hear from him, but she had to be okay with it. "What do you think we should do?" Olivia asked him, "about this situation?"
"I'm sorry for yelling at you this morning and I'll have a talk with Noah and apologise to him for making him feel scared. I'll take him to that Yankees game I promised, I'll ignore the things I don't like-"
"Because even though you might not love every habit my kid has, they're the things that make him unique and make me love him…"
He nodded.
"I remember once you told me that your father never allowed you to cry, that it wasn't macho and I don't understand why you are repeating history with Noah — shaming him for showing his emotions. I need you to stop it."
"Okay."
She rubbed her eyes. She was exhausted. "I'm going to bed. Noah is sleeping in bed with me tonight. I need some space…"
"That's fair… Do you still love me?," Elliot asked, vulnerably; suddenly very self aware.
"I love you but after this morning, I don't like you much right now and you have zero idea how much it hurts me to say that."
"I'll make it up to you," he murmured, "I promise."
"You'll have to forgive me if I don't immediately believe it, you said this a few months ago, so I guess I have to wait for the actions to match your words."
He nodded. "K… goodnight Olivia."
She got up, "Goodnight."
/
Present
"Guess what I heard!" Kaci exclaimed, coming up behind Noah, grabbing his arm.
"What?" Noah asked, flashing her a smile, "Hi, by the way…"
"Hi, you look cute today, you look good in your jersey." He was wearing his red Knights jersey, feeling more comfortable as number 16, Trevor's retired number, he had admitted to him at dinner. He wore the number proudly, knowing that Trevor saw potential in him and he desperately wanted to make him proud.
Before he could respond, Kaci continued, "I was with Kate and we were chatting with Natalie and some other guys and Peter comes over and he's talking with Seth and Ryan about your friendly match on friday afternoon and he was actually saying nice things about you! He said you were a machine out there on the field."
A slow smile spread across Noah's lips. "For real?"
"For real for real… I can't wait to see you play!"
"Thanks for telling me that, maybe he'll leave me alone."
"Hopefully… so hey I was thinking, would you like to walk me home after school? We could talk and stuff…" her cheeks turned pink. Noah thought about it for a second before shrugging.
"Sure, but I won't be able to stay and hang out, I have to work on my essay for Mr. Shearer's class."
"Oh, that's fine," she smiled. "So… remember when we were snap chatting and I asked if you…." She paused, coy.
Noah grinned at her and reached for her hand. "Yeah… and I said yes, I wanna hold your hand."
They smiled at each other. Noah enjoyed the physical contact, he liked that she liked him so much, it was so flattering and despite how hard he tried to bat the feelings away, he couldn't help but to feel like there was something that didn't feel entirely right. He ignored the feelings.
"Hey… can I ask a question?"
"Sure…" Noah replied as some people stared at the two holding hands.
"Are you and Coach Langan close?"
Noah gave her a funny look, feeling slight alarm, "what does that mean?"
"Just like, Kate said she saw you at dinner with him on friday night— is that not weird for you?"
He felt his body go rigid but tried not to let the feeling betray his facial expression. "I told you guys, my Mom is really good friends with him. I've known him for about 4 years," he fibbed. It wasn't technically untrue, Noah knew about him as a teacher for around four years.
"Oh, I didn't realise he was a close friend of your Moms."
He shrugged. "My Mom has lots of friends. She is a big believer in education and good teachers and she thinks Trevor is the best teacher she's ever met… My Mom was at work on friday night and so we got some dinner and he dropped me off at home and sometimes he lets me walk his dog because my Mom doesn't think we have enough time for one of our own." He paused, knowing that he gave her an exceptionally detailed lie that he hoped not to forget the details of, "can you keep that to yourself?," he asked, "Blasko and his friends already have stupid shit to say to me, I don't want them saying more disgusting things."
"Noah, its okay, I'm not judging you, I was just asking. I didn't realise you were so close and I'm definitely not trying to say anything more than that. I'm glad you guys are that cool."
She felt him relax slightly. He let go of her hand, feeling a little upset.
"You're mad at me," she murmured, picking up on his annoyance.
"I'm just tired of everyone talking shit about Langan, he's a good person and even you said the other day he was creepy and that's just so dangerous to say about someone that you don't know. He's not creepy, he's a good person who has only ever tried to help everyone out."
"I didn't mean anything by it…" she replied feeling reproached.
"What? So you call people creeps or creepy just to be cute? Because that's more or less how rumours form and once that accusation has been made, there's no coming back from it, so stop with your harmless comments or leading questions."
She stopped and stared at him and her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry," she said quickly.
Noah immediately felt bad for making her cry. "No, no… I'm sorry," he said quickly. He grabbed her wrist and gave her a hug. "Sorry, Kaci, I didn't mean to take my anger out on you," he said as he pulled her close. "Just… be wiser with words, thats all, I know you didn't mean anything by it."
She reciprocated his hug. He liked the feel of her body against his as he closed his eyes in the middle of the corridor and enjoyed their embrace. When he was confident she felt better, he pulled away and gave her a smile. "You smell good," he told her with a little chuckle.
Kaci's cheeks flushed. "So do you… I will be more careful with what I say."
"Thanks, we all need to be more careful. Words hurt."
She nodded with understanding. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, knowing that Peter Blasko was at the other end of the hall watching them. He reached down for her hand and took it. "Come on, let's go to class."
/
Olivia woke up from her afternoon nap, bleary-eyed and almost ready to close her eyes for another couple of hours. Saturday and Sunday night Trevor had stayed and hung out with Noah while she worked. He had to leave to go home early in the morning to get ready for work but had kindly left Ruby with her for cuddles while she caught up on sleep.
She smiled to herself and let her eyes shut as she cuddled the dog that had all but taken up the other side of her bed. Ruby loved to be cuddled and slept on her back and snored most of the morning but she didnt mind.
She thought of how nice it was to slide in to bed in the guest room beside Trevor when she got home from work. How she heard him let out a sleepy, happy sigh as he shifted over closer to the wall, making room for her. "Good morning," he murmured in a whisper, letting out a yawn. She was past the point of exhaustion. "How was your night?," he asked.
"Hell," she mumbled despondently. "Just…" she was too tired to think about it anymore and instead, turned her internal switch off, the only way she knew how when there'd been a tough case. She let out a slow breath, "I'm just exhausted," she finished.
She felt his arms around her, drawing her. She rested her head in the crook of his shoulder as he turned his body toward her, embracing her. He smelled so good, even in the middle of the night. "Go to sleep, I'll wake you when I have to leave and you can go hop in to your own bed," he advised her. He kissed her forehead. She lifted her head and planted a kiss on his lips.
"Thanks for being here… for me and for Noah. For letting me bother you after work, it helps… to have someone just here…"
"Always," he replied. "I know your job's hard, baby, I'm here for you, if you want to talk or even if you just want to be held."
"Maybe we'll talk tomorrow, right now I'd just need to be held, I need to feel safe," she told him with honesty.
"You can feel safe with me," he replied. "I promise." He kissed her again. "Try to sleep… we can talk whenever you're ready, or even not." He gave her a little squeeze and gently rubbed her back. It was such a small show of affection, but it made her feel relaxed, calm even. She was able to close her eyes and before another single thought entered her brain, she fell asleep.
Olivia rolled over, snuggling close to Ruby, stroking her soft curls before planting a kiss on her head. "Good morning beauty," she greeted her. Ruby stretched and yawned, her paws stiffening in the air, making a little groan until she relaxed again, letting her body thud to the side.
Olivia smiled, "the audacity of you to be so tired, you don't even have a job…" she laughed to herself. She rolled over, her back facing the dog, picking up her cell phone. There were a few messages. She scrolled through some work ones until she saw Trevor's.
"Hey baby, I came to check in on you to say goodbye after I had my coffee this morning but you were sleeping like an angel with little miss Ruby beside you so I decided to leave, even pulled your covers up over you. Hot news I found out second hand, by the way, I was teaching one of my gym classes and heard two of the girls in the class talking about how Kaci and Noah were holding hands in the hallways and embracing at her locker… Not to scare you as a Mom, but… I think you better dig at that a little deeper, I know I don't have to tell you this, but maybe an awkward conversation about the speed of which things move when you're a teen…"
Olivia felt her stomach drop. She wasn't ready for Noah to have a girlfriend or to see him embracing a young girl — oh shit, she thought, what if he was already making out with her… Trevor was right, conversations needed to be had and she needed to meet the girl.
She hit the reply button. "Oh my goodness, I'm not ready for this… Is it wrong that I don't want my little boy kissing any lil girls and pretending they're grown ups? I don't like it, Trevor… but you're right, I'm gonna need to have a more direct talk than a general birds and bees chat. He kept telling me it was nothing and that he wasn't ready for a girlfriend, he even told Sonny the same thing. What the hell…"
She re-read his message and began again.
"Thank you by the way for being so sweet this morning. It's so nice to come home to you and get to have a little snuggle before I sleep. I'm off today and I am so glad, my brain is full of the awful case I'm working on that I'm not sure I could have done it again. You mentioned you had some plans tonight? What's happening?"
She sat up and yawned, stretching out as far as she could. She finished going over her work emails and answered them. She eventually got out of bed and walked a little lighter with a spring in her step.
She made some coffee and got changed and got Ruby together with her lead and decided to take her for a little jog around central park.
/
Past
"Why aren't you talking to me? Cat got your tongue?" Elliot asked Noah as they walked side-by-side.
"I don't have anything to say," Noah replied quietly. "I don't want you to get angry with me."
"Oh, kiddo," Elliot stopped, feeling awful, "I'm not angry with you, I'm never really angry with you…" his voice trailed off.
Noah stared at him and shrugged. "You always get mad if I say stuff. I don't want you to get mad at me or get mad at Mommy—er, Mom, if I say something wrong."
Elliot took it in stride. It was heart-breaking that he'd reduced Olivia's child— any child in to feeling so fearful of being himself. He had to remind himself that it was all his doing, it wasn't Noah's fault.
"Noah," Elliot began, leaning over a little, he placed both of his hands on his shoulders, "I'm really very sorry that I made you feel like that. It's not your fault, its my fault and I'm never, ever made at you or Mom, just myself… and sometimes I do stupid things like… take my anger out on you or Mom, but I promise that I'm trying really hard to not be so selfish."
"Okay," Noah replied, avoiding his eyes, all his confidence around Elliot had been removed, the wind from his sails blown away.
"I mean it," Elliot told him, "I promise I'm going to mind my business. If you want to call your Mom, Mommy then you do that. If you want to cuddle with Mommy, then you cuddle her. It's fine."
"Okay. What if I want to do dancing again?"
Noah saw Elliot visibly wince. "Its your choice."
"I don't want to do dancing again, El, I want to do something that you want to come and see me do, I know you like to watch T-ball." Noah hated T-ball, but it was something that he and Olivia both agree to come to together or that he would come to on his own free will when Olivia was working.
It wasn't lost on Elliot that Olivia's son was a people-pleaser just like his mother, that he was probably an empath too, he could sense Elliot's moods sometimes before he was even aware of it himself.
Noah was surprised when Elliot took his hand, "come on, let's get you home and we'll order something yummy for dinner and we can play something fun on your playstation."
Noah smiled, "I'll have to give you an advantage."
Elliot laughed, "Yeah, you know I'm terrible at video games," he agreed.
/
Noah emerged from his bedroom a short while after dinner when he had disappeared to take a phone call. She suspected it was the young girl who was yet to come over and study. She took it as a good opportunity to try to open up a discussion about it all.
"Hey babe," she greeted him; he was still looking at his phone, tapping away, not even looking up.
"Noah," she repeated herself, a little more firmly.
He looked up, almost irritated with her. She cocked her head to the side reproachfully. "Do not give me that look, you know the rules when it comes to that phone. When I am talking you put it down and give me your undivided attention."
He locked his phone screen, checking himself. He hated the rule, sometimes he didn't want to give her his attention, but it was the rule of him getting a phone and being allowed to use it for social purposes. He was not allowed to spend all of his time texting and using it when he was at home, but she didn't mind if he used it in short spells. "Sorry Mom," he mumbled. "I was just texting with Adam to see if he wants to hang out after school this week."
"Weren't you just on the phone to him before?," she asked, playing stupid.
"No, that was Kaci, from school…"
"Oh the girl that you told me about… anything I should know?," she wondered curiously.
Noah smiled and shrugged, "she's cute, she likes me, I think."
"And what about you, honey, do you like her?" Olivia pressed.
"Mmmm," he thought about it, "I think so." He paused, wondering how much he trusted his Mom not to make a big deal of it. "Want to see her picture? She's really cute."
"Of course honey." He got up and went and sank down on the couch beside her and opened his photo gallery on his phone. He scrolled through a few photos he'd taken of Ruby and then came across a selfie of himself and a clear-faced, sun-blond girl who wore a purple, age appropriate t-shirt with a pair of jeans. Olivia was surprised, she had perhaps pre-judged the girl when Trevor had told her she was a cheer leader. She looked perfectly sweet and her son was right, she was cute.
"Aww, this is so cute, Noah!" Olivia gushed. "So, tell me about her — what do you like about her?"
Noah's face flushed and then he shrugged, "I don't know— the usual stuff, Mom, this is so embarrassing."
"Why?" She asked. "Why can't you talk to me about this? I talked to you about Trevor when you asked me and that was a little difficult for me, but we got through it and it wasn't that bad, right?"
"I guess she's just really nice," he replied, "and when I talk to her about stuff, she listens and…" he looked for the right word, "never takes offence, even if I am being a jerk which I am trying so hard not to be."
"Why would you be a jerk? Give me an example."
He frowned, "I don't want you to make a big deal out of it."
"Well… now I'm curious so you better tell me."
"A girl that I kind of know saw me at dinner with Trevor the other night and Kaci started asking me about it and I didn't know what to say… I just kept saying that he's a friend of yours and I've known him for about four years which technically isn't a lie and she said once before that he was weird for being so involved with students and I got angry with her and told her to watch want stupid sh-things she says, that small comments like that can cause problems when he was just a good person."
Olivia smiled at him, "That's not being a jerk, babe, that's standing up for someone you care about."
Noah shrugged. "I'm just worried a couple of the guys will say really foul and stupid shit if they know I hang out with Trevor outside of school. I really don't want that," he admitted, "oh and when I said all that to Kaci, she cried…and I felt so awful."
"I think it was the truth and you did nothing wrong and maybe she realised that she was in the wrong. Sometimes apologising is hard."
"She apologised… we made up and it wasn't a big deal. I walked her home after school, but then I came straight home cos I needed to work on my essay."
"Honey… I know you're going to hate me for this, but you realise there's a talk coming here, right?"
Noah made a face so disgusted that Olivia almost laughed. "I could ask Sonny to give you this talk, but I'd prefer it came from me so I know the message is delivered loud and clear."
"I'm not going to have sex with her Mom," he blurted out, almost shuddering to have to say it.
"You actually don't know that, sweetheart. Things can get pretty out of control pretty fast even when you don't necessarily intend on it. "But I want you to be careful. I want you to think about how you're treating her and whether or no-"
"Mom!" Noah exclaimed, "stop! I am not going to have sex with her. I don't feel like that about her … yet," he quickly added. "She's too scared to even kiss me and we talked about it because I'm scared too. We have never kissed, I kissed her cheek today, but that's it… I kiss Aunt Amanda on the cheek and Grandma and you… it's just friendly. Please don't worry about me having sex, I'm not going to be anywhere alone with her, her parents would never allow it and you won't either."
"Noah, do you not feel anything about kissing her?" Olivia wondered, "I mean, it's normal to feel like kissing a girl if she's really nice and she's really cute or pretty— you don't have to hide that from me, you know?"
"I know. I just don't feel that way yet… I really like hanging out with her because she's funny and nice and sometimes it's nice to hold someone's hand or have a hug and … the hug is different to your hugs," he looked like he was thinking hard, "I mean, I love your hugs Mom, but it's just different."
"I understand," she replied.
"So it was nice to hang out with Trevor while you were at work instead of Michelle," Noah told her, changing the subject. "Did you like having him here or was it weird for you to wake up to him?"
"Well," Olivia began, unsure of how the question might go, "I didn't technically wake up to him, I slept in my own bed. He just let me know when he was leaving…"
Noah cocked his head. "As if…"
"Noah," she warned, "I already told you, this is your home and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable here. It's inappropriate for me and Trevor to be sharing a bed when I'm not even sure if we're dating officially."
Noah rose an eyebrow. "Really? I thought you were… he calls you all those cutesy names and he talks like you're his girlfriend. I thought it was official."
Olivia shook her head. "No babe, I told you, this all was going to take time. We are both trying to figure it out. But right now, it's nice to have a friend — similarly to you, that I hug sometimes or I could hold hands with — because it's different to the affection I have with everyone else."
He laughed, "Okay Mom, for the record, I think if you were gonna date anyone in the world, it should be Trevor, he's so nice and kind and I think he'll be kind to our hearts."
Olivia couldn't hold back her smile. "I think so too, kiddo."
"Okay so before it gets weird that I've just had a gossip session with my Mom about both our love lives, can I get back to texting with Kaci now?," he wondered.
"Sure…" she leaned over and kissed his temple. "I love you and I love how open you're being with me. This honesty means everything to me. Also did you do your essay homework?"
"Yes, Mom," he replied. He opened up a snap chat of Kaci showing him her dinner and her little brother poking his tongue out before turning the camera on herself, "Are you doing anything special tonight? Are you done with your essay?"
Noah smiled as the video finished. "Yeah," Olivia remarked, watching the girl over her son's shoulder. She sounded like a very young 14 year old. "She's really cute," she agreed, "is this what you guys do? Send little videos?"
"Sometimes. I feel weird sending them back, I don't know why, I'm just not as confident as she is."
"You should send her one back," Olivia pushed him. "You have nothing to feel self-conscious about. You're gorgeous."
With a little sigh, he held the camera up a little higher. "Hi," he smiled, "your dinner looks nice, Mom and I had left overs because we're both tired." He angled his body around so he could get his Mom in the shot, "this is my Mom."
Olivia, unprepared, had to just be okay with seeing herself in the reverse camera after just stopping her son's negative talk. "Hi Kaci," she waved with a little smile.
"I finished my essay. I'm just gonna get coach Langan to look it over for me and help me with it a little. What about you?"
He pressed send. "You know what I learned? Girls like to talk. A lot."
Olivia began to laugh. "You don't like that?"
"No I just mean, sometimes when I want to finish talking to do other stuff, she will keep sending messages and I feel guilty if I don't reply or I don't want her to think I don't care about what she says."
"No but honey, its okay to say, 'hey we had a nice chat but I have to go and do my chores', or, 'I'm not allowed to use my phone all night, it goes on charge at dinner time and I'm not allowed to use it immediately before bed, so I will get back to you or see you tomorrow,' you just have to set clear boundaries, we all have to do it in life, she will understand and it might just take her a short while to adjust to that."
Noah nodded. "Yeah, maybe that's what I'll do. Thanks Mom."
/
"What was going on in your head today?" Trevor asked Noah as they walked to his car. "You seemed a little off, anything bothering you?"
Noah shook his head. "Nope. Just tired, I'll try harder on thursday night's training."
"I'm not here on thursday, remember?," he reminded Noah. "We're canceling training until Monday."
"Oh yeah… okay cool. I guess I'll see you when you come around next," he replied, a little aloof. Trevor frowned. "I thought I'd drop you off?"
Noah glanced over his shoulder as he dropped the footballs in to the trunk of Trevor's car, watching his teammates from a short distance. "No thanks," he replied. "I'll walk."
"Okay, text your Mom and let her know, I told her I'd drop you home."
"K," Noah called over his shoulder, already on his way.
Trevor was a little stumped as to what was going on. He wondered if he and Olivia had had a fight over him, or if Noah was finally mad about their relationship. Nevertheless, he got in the car and texted her. Hi Liv, Noah didn't want a ride, he wanted to walk home. He seems angry with me so I might give you guys some space tonight. If you need to talk or speak with him about me, just be aware."
He felt a little bad as he drove off. It was eating at him, what was going through the teen's mind. He turned left at an intersection and saw Noah sitting just inside of the park on a park bench, leaning over, arms on knees with his earphones on.
He couldn't leave him there. He pulled over when it was safe to do so. Slowly he walked over and tapped him gently on the shoulder. Noah looked irate. "What?!," he snapped.
"Noah, what's going on? I'm worried about you."
"Worry about my Mom," he snapped, "you stay at our house and she's still sitting around wondering if you're dating or not— she doesn't know and it's not fair and I'm not gonna let it happen to her again."
Trevor pinched the bridge of his nose for a second, confused with the accusations he was making. "Wait, explain that… what are you talking about? Talk to me, I'm not a mind reader."
He sat down beside him.
"Last night my Mom told me she didn't know what was going on, I thought you guys were dating already or were together; that she was your girlfriend and she didn't know, she said you were both still figuring it out."
"Right…" Trevor listened.
"But… I got up to go to the bathroom and I know she was in the guest room bed with you… why are you treating her like that? You're inviting her in your bed but won't tell her that she's your girlfriend? And then you both wanna lecture me about being safe with Kaci."
"But your Mom is right, Noah, we are figuring it out."
"Well then don't invite her in to your bed, don't disrespect her if you don't know if you want to officially date her. It's wrong."
"Noah—"
"Don't waste her time, Trevor, if you don't know for real yet that you want to be her boyfriend, then stop wasting her time because I know she likes you so much and if you don't make up your mind, she's gonna get hurt again and then I'll have to live with it."
"Noah—" Trevor began again, holding up his hand. "Firstly, your Mom had a really bad case and needed a hug and I'm sure you're old enough to understand that sometimes she has trouble sleeping because of the awful things she sees at work. She needed a hug because she was upset," he told him, "And secondly, I am very clear about my feelings for your Mom and I have every intention of making things official with her but I haven't had the chance to take her on a proper date yet— but when I do, she and I will be a little clearer on where we are at."
Noah pouted.
"Does that make you feel better?," he asked gently.
Noah sat up a bit straighter and turned to his Mom's love interest, "I'm scared of you breaking her heart…" his voice trailed off, clearing his voice and looking away.
"Its okay to be scared, Noah," Trevor replied, "it's okay if you're scared of getting your heart broken too. I know it must have felt like a heavy weight to carry when Elliot left and you had to hear your Mom grieve over it."
"When you and Mom become serious, you might start to hate me like Elliot did."
"I'll never hate you, Noah," Trevor told him softly, "I promise. There is absolutely nothing about you that I would ever hate."
"Elliot liked me at first. He said all the right things to Mom, he treated me nicely, took me to hang out with his family and then just started acting weird with me. What if you get to know me really and you don't like something about me or you think my relationship with Mom is weird…"
"Your relationship with your Mom is actually really beautiful. I think it's wonderful. I wish more kids your age were as open and as forthcoming with feelings and communication as you are," Trevor shrugged. "And listen Noah, I'm not Elliot. The more you tell me about him, the angrier I feel that you got treated like that. I'm not that guy. Please trust me."
"I try not to think about it because I get upset and angry and then I feel sick about you hurting her because I don't want to feel that sad again and I don't want Mom to feel that sad and avoid me all over again."
"Noah, I don't think Mom ever avoided you… she just tried to be brave. She wanted to protect you."
"You know, I still can barely sleep without my earphones in… and whenever I have these attacks… where I find it hard to breathe, I put my earphones on and I feel okay again."
"What do you mean when you find it hard to breathe?"
"I don't know, when I feel anxious, I feel dizzy and it's hard… today it happened on the field and then I start feeling sick or like I just need to get out of the situation. Sometimes I get mad so that people don't realise I'm panicking."
"Noah that sounds a lot like a panic attack or an anxiety attack. How long as this been going on?"
He shrugged. "Maybe since … the night I had to call the cops on Elliot."
"Kiddo that's nothing to feel ashamed about… I have them sometimes too if I think about my wife too much and I had them a lot immediately after she passed and now there's ways that I cope too…"
"I'm scared everything Elliot said about me is turning out to be true."
"Like what?" Trevor pushed.
He shook his head and wiped tears that began to fall. "I can't talk about it…"
"Okay, I respect that… let me take you home, okay?"
Noah wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands and nodded slowly. He stood up and put his earphones around his neck. Trevor patted him on the back. "Good man, let's go…"
He got back in to Trevor's car. "I feel so stupid…" he murmured. "I'm acting like a little wimp."
"No you're not. You're worried and you have a lot of things on your shoulders, you can talk to me about anything and I don't care if I see you cry every day…" he paused and offered him a smile, "of course I would really hate to see you upset, but tears don't make me think anything negative. I've cried enough over my time."
He nodded again. "Don't tell Mom about the headphones thing, please… or any of this."
"Okay, I won't." Trevor replied as he texted Liv to let her know that there was a change of plans and Noah was coming home with him after all. "But, do you feel better about what I said about me and your Mom?"
Noah shrugged but nodded. "I guess so."
"Trust takes time, kiddo, I fully understand. I don't blame you for being unsure."
"I know you said you won't, but I'm scared you'll end up resenting me and hating me as time goes on… especially when you get to know the real me. Mom probably will too."
"Your mother will never, ever hate you… and neither will I."
The young teen covered his face and broke down, crying hard in to his own hands. "Hey, hey… Noah, it's okay kiddo, I know it might sound like empty words after all that you and Mom have been through but… it's not." He put an arm around him and drew him closer.
"I hate him so much," he muttered angrily, punching himself in the leg aggressively. It took Trevor a moment to realise he was talking about Elliot. "And I hate that I let him make me feel like I have to question everything."
Trevor gave Olivia's son a squeeze as he drew him closer, holding on to him tightly. "Its okay kiddo, I've got you."
Whatever Olivia's ex had been guilty of, Trevor hated that he made Noah feel as though he was never good enough, slowly but surely destroying the child's self-worth and turning him from the happiest, sweetest, well-adjusted child to one that was unsure of himself- who truly now believed that he didn't matter so had stopped putting the same effort in to his life and those around him that still knew his value.
It wasn't about grades or pranks or getting in to trouble that worried Trevor about him, it had always been the light that had been missing from behind his eyes and that had been his first motivation behind helping him and now that he'd uncovered the reasons, he was more inclined to want to right the mistakes of the man who had broken both of their hearts.
"You're angry and heart is still hurt and your Mom wasn't the only one to feel that sadness," Trevor helped Noah verbalise his feelings. The fourteen year old nodded, pulling away once he'd calmed down, his face red, left feeling a little embarrassed.
"I'm sorry," he barely murmured.
"Don't be sorry," Trevor replied.
"Can we just not go straight home, I don't want Mom to see me like this."
"Sure. Why don't we message your Mom and tell her we'll pick up some dinner. She talked about ordering something when we got back."
/
Olivia saw Noah walk in looking upset and sullen. "Hi Mom," he greeted her lifting her hand. "I have homework," he told her, disappearing straight in to his room and closing the door.
"Hi babe," she replied, "do you want something to eat?"
Trevor gave his head a little shake as he met her, sliding his arms around her and kissing her lips gently, "give him ten minutes to collect himself."
"What happened, Trevor?," she asked. He guided her to the kitchen where he set their Thai food down. "Did you guys have a fight?"
"It started out like that," he replied quietly, "but no, he is just… scared. It all comes down to Elliot and how Elliot made him feel and how scared he is of me deciding that I don't like him after a certain period of time…"
Olivia's shoulder's slumped as the stood at the kitchen counter. "I really failed him, Trev…" she murmured — her eyes were glassy, hearing how upset her son was. "It's my fault…"
"It's not your fault," Trevor retorted. He smoothed her hair. "Baby, I need to ask… was Elliot abusive? Physically?"
"No, why?," she answered.
"Because…Noah mentioned how he used to go to sleep with earphones on just so he could avoid hearing arguing and screaming in the night."
Olivia's stomach dropped. She shook her head. "I knew it. I knew he wore he started wearing those earphones to avoid arguments… Elliot used to tell him to take them off and we'd check up on him and they'd be back on and Elliot used to lose his mind because he was doing the opposite of what he was told. And I knew it was because he was frightened."
"Here…" he took Liv's hand and pulled her in to an embrace because he could tell she was upset. "I promised your little boy that there is no way I will ever hurt his heart or decide I don't like him, I already know he's so loveable and he was upset about the fact that I hadn't decided whether or not we were official…" he told Liv, "and … I just told him that we hadn't been on an official date yet, but I think I know how it's going to go and I think I know what I want, but I feel like… the date will be where we can actually talk about it and hang out and spend that quality time together…"
"I don't have an issue with where we are at," she murmured.
"I know, but I wanted to give him some confidence in me — in us."
"Thank you, for talking to him and for being so kind too. I won't ever compromise on Noah again. I won't allow him to feel scared or unsure… I can't."
"I wouldn't expect that of you. When we are in a relationship Liv, Noah is part of it. Noah is my bonus kid, I'm not looking to be his Dad, but I will never, ever let him want for anything— you either. I just … need to really be in the right space in my head and I think our date will clear that all up for me."
She nodded. "That's fine Trev, that's totally fine." She wiped her eyes as he let go of her.
"I'm so sorry, Liv…" he told her softly, "I wish I could take that pain away for both of you…"
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Trev, but thank you for saying that," she murmured.
She concentrated on trying to untie the knot on the bag that held their dinner. "Fuck!" She cursed pushing it across the counter. Trevor sensed her frustration with herself.
He rested his hands on her shoulders and leaned over her, kissing the top of her head. "Liv, why don't you go have a chat to Noah and I'll get dinner out the table set, okay? Just take a second and give your baby a hug."
She drew in a deep breath and sighed, nodding. She appreciated his presence. He squeezed her shoulders gently as she left him to it and went back down the hall and knocked on her son's door.
"I'll be out soon," he replied, his voice sounded a little panicked.
"I'm coming in now, babe," she replied. Giving him just a brief moment before she opened the door and let herself in. He was sitting at his desk with his computer open reading over something. He snapped the lid down and turned to her.
It was very clear he was still crying despite trying to cover it up. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were red, lashes still wet with tears. "Honey, what's happened? Please talk to me…"
"I can't," he replied. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Tell me what happened with Trev on the way home? Are you mad at me or him?"
He shook his head. "I just want to go to bed," he replied. "I feel sad…it's no ones fault."
"No, you're not going to bed." Olivia shook her head, "I don't want you to create that pattern of not communicating and just trying to deal with things on your own. I can tell you from experience, that is a very lonely way to live."
"Then I'll have learned from the best," he murmured softly, almost as if he knew it would sting.
"That's fair," she replied evenly. "But I don't think I've been as great as I think at hiding stuff from you, my love…"
"No," he agreed, shaking his head.
Olivia gave him a small smile. "Noah, you don't have to tell me everything you feel and think all the time, but I would like you to please tell me when something is upsetting you or when you feel angry - even if it's going to hurt me or worry me, I'd rather that than you bottling it up. That's the kind of things that build walls between people and stop you from being able to form emotional connections without a lot of work."
"Mom, I really just want it to work with you and Trevor and I really don't want it to end up like you and Elliot."
"Oh babe, it won't end up like that. I promise you that nothing will ever hurt us again the way Elliot hurt us and I will never, ever let anyone treat you the way Elliot treated you and I'm so sorry if you feel like I let him get away with it or that it was okay with me, because it wasn't."
"I know. You always defended me."
"Maybe not enough and I struggle to forgive myself for that."
"It's over now," Noah shrugged.
"I don't think it's entirely over for you," she told him carefully. "I think you're still struggling with how El treated you."
"I'm just scared Trevor will do the same."
"He won't babe, I don't know how I know, but I just do know and even if there's a slight suggestion of him being mean or acting out with you, you know I'll kick his ass to the curb faster than lightening."
Noah smiled. "He should be scared of you, you're bad ass."
Olivia chuckled. "Maybe you need to remind him if he steps out of line," she joked.
She held out her arms, "come on, my little man. Give me a hug and then come and get some dinner with Trevor and I…"
He slowly got out of his desk chair and held his arms open. Olivia wrapped her arms around her son and cuddled him tightly. "I love you so much, babe. You're always my #1 and nothing will ever, ever change that."
Noah felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He wasn't so sure, but he still took her affection. He did need it. He needed to feel something other than the hopelessness that was beginning to swallow him up.
She guided him out to the family room where, true to his word, Trevor had set the table and opened up all of the food containers and put them in the middle on a placemat so that they could all take what they wanted.
"Hey," he smiled at the mother-son duo. "What would you both like to drink?" He opened the fridge and turned to Noah, "soda?"
He nodded. "Thanks…"
"No problem, take a seat kiddo, Liv, sit down, I'll bring you a drink."
She smiled at him, thankful that he was always happy to take care of them both — it was the small gestures that she noticed the most.
He set a coke down for Noah and one for himself and Liv too. He took a seat with them. "Smells pretty good, huh?"
"It smells great," Olivia agreed. He leaned over and picked up her plate. "What would you like, sweetheart?," he asked her gently.
A little smile spread across her face, "Just a little of the coconut rice and steamed vegetables — and the chilli jam beef looks pretty good."
Trevor spooned food on to her plate carefully before handing it back. He reached for Noah's plate, "what about you, Noah? What would you like?"
Noah almost went to protest, but he gave up before the words reached his mouth, deciding to let Trevor do this one thing for him. "Just the pad Thai, thanks…"
"Tell me when," Trevor told him, piling up the flat rice noodles, making sure to get all the vegetables and meat for him too.
"That's enough, thanks Trev."
"You're welcome," he replied, putting the plate down in front of him.
He grabbed a plate for himself and piled on the food. There was a little silence and it was a little off-putting for him. "How are you feeling now?" Olivia asked her son, "a little better?"
He gave her an empty smile and nodded. "I don't want to make a big deal out of it, we don't have to talk about it anymore," he replied quietly as he filled his mouth with noodles.
"Sometimes talking helps…" Trevor interjected.
"Sometimes it makes things worse," Noah retorted.
"Mm… maybe it feels worse in the moment when you are feeling like you're telling something that feels difficult, but after some time it'll lift that weight off your shoulders and maybe there's solutions that you haven't been able to think about because you're a little angry or emotional."
Noah said nothing and Trevor exchanged looks with Olivia.
"Noah don't ignore Trev, babe."
"I'm not, I just don't know what to say," he replied.
"Its okay, you dont have to say anything," Trevor replied. "Just think about it," he shrugged.
They ate their dinner with a little quiet conversation, Olivia was glad he was there, his support toward Noah and herself meant everything.
/
Trevor uncorked the expensive bottle of red wine and let it air on the kitchen counter as he glanced at his phone. Olivia would arrive in less than fifteen minutes, he thought nervously. He shrugged off his sports blazer feeling himself getting a little hot with nerves. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous, but he was.
It was the first time he would invite Olivia in to his own living space. Everything was on the line. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable with the very few photos of Lana that were still decorating the place, but it was important for him to keep them about — just at least until he was ready to move them or put them in a more private place.
He hoped he looked nice, he thought. He wore a plain white t-shirt beneath a navy sports coat with a pair of dark jeans and black leather shoes. He slid his glasses on his face. He took out two wine glasses. He was tempted to have a glass while he waited but he chose to just keep himself together.
He paced around checking that everything was neat and tidy until finally there was a buzz at the door. He went pressed the unlock button and waited for him to knock at the door. He waited one spell before opening the door with a big grin on his face.
"Hey baby," he greeted her, "oh, you look so gorgeous," he held out his hand to her and gave her a once over and shook his head with a delighted smile. She wore a short black a-line dress with short sleeves and a scoop neck showing off just the right amount of skin. Her hair was tied back in to a high ponytail and her make up looked perfect.
"Wow," he breathed, "I'm a lucky man."
"Thanks," she blushed, "you look pretty hot yourself," she replied, as he gently pulled her in to the apartment. He just smiled.
"Welcome to my apartment, hopefully it's not too off-putting," he half-joked as Olivia heeled off her stilettos and she suddenly became shorter.
"I'm sure it's fine," she replied as she looked around. Everything was neat and tidy. He had a large black leather couch with a homely looking blanket tossed over it which was the only telltale sign that he spent quite a bit of time there. As he guided her past the family room she paused at his book shelf that made hers pale in comparison.
"Wow… are these all your books?," she knew the answer before it came out of his mouth when she noticed the nursing books on the shelf.
"Not all of them, but most," he replied. Her eyes swept over a photo of a dark-haired woman sitting in the car, turning to the camera and smiling as she pushed sunglasses up on the bridge of her nose. Her grin was radiant and she was gorgeous and Olivia knew that it was Lana. "Oh…" she voice caught.
"Sorry," he said, "I should have put this away, I didn't mean to-"
"No!" Olivia protested quickly. "I wanted to see what Lana looked like, she's beautiful," she told him glancing up to gauge his reaction. He just smiled. "It's nice to put a name to a face, Trev."
She felt his hands upon her shoulders behind her. She leaned back in to him. "Thanks…" he replied. "I have a few photos around but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, so let me know if it bothers you and I can put them away."
She turned to face him. "I would never want or ask that of you, I want you to feel okay with everything. I feel like at some point, I want to feel connected to Lana, to be able to make her a promise that I'll look after her man."
He grinned, "I'm not forever her man…" he replied, "it's time for me to let go of her and to be your man."
"Well, its okay if I have to share you a little with her, I understand that and I'm not upset about that."
He leaned over and kissed her lips ever-so-gently. "You're the most perfect," he remarked, taking both of her hands in his.
They made their way to the kitchen and Trevor poured her a glass of wine. "Here you are…"
"Oooh, wine on arrival, nice one." She felt nervous too, the electricity of what the night meant for both of them was crackling silently in the air. She had put her bag down on the end of the kitchen counter and sipped her wine.
"Nervous?," he asked her.
She laughed, "Yeah? I am actually… why am I nervous. Are you?"
He shrugged and smiled. "A little… I don't know, I guess this is officially our first date despite casually hanging out. You're staying tonight, right?"
"If you want…" she shrugged, "but its okay if you change your mind."
"Nah, I won't change my mind… come on, grab your wine and I'll grab your bag, I'll show you the rest of the place."
She followed him down the hall. He showed her the bathroom. Everything was so neat and styled minimally. "This is the guest room," he nodded toward yet another pristine and empty room with a bed bedside table, some candles and books on the shelves.
After they continued on to his own bedroom, Olivia was surprised. It wasn't girly, but his room had some feminine touches. "Did you decorate yourself?"
"Full disclosure?," he asked with a little smile.
"Mmhmm?" She asked, looking around at his exposed wood bed base and dresser with matching beside tables.
"I made my sister pick out the furniture when I moved in but I actually bought some new bedding the other day because it was looking kind of bachelor pad-ish with mismatching pillow cases and sheets, I wanted you to feel comfortable."
She smiled adoringly, watching him put her bag down on the dresser. He showed her in to the ensuite with a bath tub and shower. "It's nice and big in your main room," she told him. "I like it."
"Thanks," he smiled. "Do you think you'll be comfortable enough to sleep here?"
She nodded, "As long as I'm with you…"
"And Noah is okay tonight? Does he know you're with me?"
Olivia shook her head, "No… I told him that I was working and he thinks you're at your sister's for the night."
"I kind of felt bad for lying, but… I'd rather him not think about us on a date."
She smiled, "Same…"
"Okay… let's go finish our wine and we can go and have dinner," he suggested.
"Right, let me get my purse." She made her way to her bag and unzipped it, taking out a small over the shoulder clutch that would fit her phone and cards.
As she turned around she realised Trevor was closer. "Hey…" he greeted her with a little smile, a smile adorning her lips, pushing his nerves away — feeling awkwardness gathered between them from all the unknowing of how their night would turn out.
"Hello," she replied.
"Let's get rid of this awkwardness, its killing me…" he admitted. "Its making me lose confidence."
"Oh, I'm sorry…" she apologised quickly. "I think I'm nervous, I don't mean to make you feel awkward, I just haven't been on a date in … I don't even know how long-"
"No don't apologise, can we just… I don't know, just relax?"
"Let's do a shot…" Olivia joked.
Trevor rose an eyebrow, "I mean… it might loosen us up."
She laughed. "I'm game… just one, we'll finish our wine… and hopefully the awkward tension will leave."
"Anything to get rid of that feeling," he chuckled, taking her hand. He gently guided her back to the kitchen and opened the cupboard of hard liquor. "What do you prefer? Gin, vodka or whisky?"
"Let's do … vodka… do you know how to make any particular shots?," she wondered.
Trevor started to laugh, "are you kidding? No. Do you?"
"Actually… Amanda and I made kamakazis once, what are the chances of you having some peach schnapps and lime juice?"
Trevor rifled around the cupboard and reached to the back. Finally he pulled out a small bottle of half-used schnapps. "Here…"
"And I can actually do one better than lime juice," he told her opening the refridgerator. "My sister has a lime tree and I love having it with beer so she gave me some when she visited the other day." He pulled out two fresh limes. "Want me to juice it for you?"
"That'd be great," she took charge, suddenly feeling a little useful, sipping her wine intermittently.
"Help yourself to the kitchen, whatever you need…"
"Thanks baby." She grabbed a cutting board and a sharp knife and helped herself to two slices of lime before be began to juice them. He turned back to another cupboard and pulled out a cocktail shaker.
"I love this, this is impromptu and fun," he told her, slinking behind her as she took the cocktail shaker and carefully added the 1oz of schnapps and 2oz of vodka for the two shots. He slid his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. "I love your hair back like this…" he murmured, his lips against the smoothness of her collarbone.
"Yeah? You hate my hair, huh?" She joked.
"I absolutely do not hate your hair, I just like it back because I can focus on your beautiful features and I'm able to taste your skin…" he planted a soft kiss and then another, and another all the way up her neck. He saw the chills upon her skin as each kiss lingered, leaving a wet spot.
"Mmm, I should wear my hair like this more if that's what I'd be getting used to…" she replied a little quietly, her breath catching.
The sound of him chuckling against her ear as his hands wrapped themselves around her hips, his fingers brushing along her waist. She felt herself involuntarily sucking her stomach in, a little self-conscious. His touch was disarming but she very much liked it.
"You're distracting me," she told him turning her head to meet his lips for a soft, lingering kiss, letting her tongue graze against his.
He pulled away, sliding his hands up and down her sides absently. "Better let you get on with it so we don't miss dinner."
"Better…" she agreed. She handed him the cocktail shaker, "I need ice in here."
"Yes ma'am." He straightened out and took the shaker to the freezer and emptied around 6 or so ice cubes in to it.
"Trevor, honestly, you are too distracted," she glanced at him, "where's my lime juice?"
"Oops!" He goofily grabbed the two halves of the limes and began to juice them over a small jug until he managed to get 1 oz out of it. She held the cocktail shaker out to him, "okay get it in there…" she commanded, catching his eyes with a little mischievous smile, a slightly dirty comment not going unnoticed by either of them.
"Liv!," he admonished her weakly as he poured the juice in. She couldn't help but to giggle. She put the lid on and handed it to Trevor. "Okay, you do the shaking, I'm sure it'd be more efficient." She cleaned off the cutting board and rinsed the knives and the juicer and put them on the sink to dry.
Once he had finished, he handed it back to her and watched her carefully and evenly pour out two shots, adding a wedge of lime to the side of each. "Here you go mr, here is your kamakazi shot."
"Shall we take a photo. Our very first date photo?," he asked.
"Sure," she agreed with a smile. He pulled his phone from his back pocket and handed it to her. He held the phone in selfie-mode and both of them held up their shot and smiled for the camera. He was pleased. He couldn't wait to send it to his sister who told him that she demanded updates.
"Okay, let's do this shot…" he put his phone away. She grinned at him waiting for him. "Okay on the count of three, ready? One … two… three!" They both downed the entire thing, wincing as the vodka heated and coated their throats with a burn.
"Fuck!" Olivia cursed making a face. "That was strong!"
Trevor was a little less bothered by it. Olivia took her wine and used it as a chaser.
"So you don't want another one?" Trevor teased her.
She gave him a look. "Do we need to get going?"
"No, you can finish your wine, we still have time."
"So where are we eating?," she wondered.
"Remember you told me that you liked Greek food but it had been a long time since you'd been to a Greek restaurant?"
A smile spread across her mouth, "Yeah?"
"Well… I've booked us a table at a restaurant on the Lower East Side and afterwards I thought we could go and hang out at a little trendy bar and have some cocktails. What do you think?"
"Sold!," she grinned. "I'm excited."
She finished her wine and looked at him expectantly.
"Let me get my jacket," he told her, "and then we can get going…"
Olivia couldn't wait for the rest of the night to unfold, the excitement of spending the uninterrupted time to really get to know one another.
