Hi everyone, just in case you missed, I added chapt 21 earlier this week - i dont usually update within days, but I had a lot of time to write last weekend, so make sure you read the last chapter before getting in to this :) Lemme know what you think!
"You're an angel," Olivia smiled at Trevor, meeting him in the hospital room. He had come down in the late afternoon before school was out. School had been informed about what had happened to Kaci Tramwell and kids closest to her and in her classes were given a very light version of what had happened. Noah and her closest friends were offered counselling sessions and probably knew more than others, but knew that it was definitely something Kaci wasn't interested with the whole school knowing.
It looked as though Kaci was asleep; the swelling had gone down a little and despite the bruising from her cheek-bone fracture, she was able to open her left eye and feel a little less discomfort despite the pain that still hadn't much receded.
She slid her arms around Trevor's waist like she had thought about all morning. He embraced her back, he needed it. It had been tough going for him too and even though Olivia hadn't picked at that thread yet, she knew it had been weighing heavier on him than it had, her. She lifted her head to look in to his eyes. He gave her a slight smile, or at least tried — but it was mostly just a grimace. He kissed her lips. "I'm glad to see your face," he murmured, stroking her hair, planting another kiss on her forehead.
"Me too, it's been a tough week, but we'll be okay," she told him gently, reaching up to smooth his cheeks that were covered by a few days growth.
Olivia heard the bed shift and let go of him reluctantly. She turned to Kaci. "Hi sweetheart," she greeted her with a smile.
"Hi Liv," she greeted her.
"Trevor and I have a little surprise for you…"
She looked as though she couldn't have been less impressed. She just stared, almost through, the detective. "We're going to get a wheelchair and we're going to help you in to it and then we are going to take you down the hall to see your Mama…"
Finally, they both thought, a reaction, "Really? Is she okay? Is she awake?"
"Well, we're going to find out how she's doing, but the doctors started to reduce her medicine last night so there's a good chance might be able to respond to you, even just a little." Trevor pitched in. "But honey, please, please understand that it might only be ever-so-slight."
"And Mom's injuries are still quite bad, okay?" Olivia explained, "you need to be ready to see that. Do you think you can be brave?"
She nodded emphatically. "Yes, I don't care I just want to see her and hold her hand and talk to her," Kaci replied.
Olivia couldn't help but to smile. She had checked back in with Sam, the nurse who was on duty. Tara Tramwell was responding and had informed Olivia as she walked in that she had just opened her eyes but they were unsure of whether or not she would go back to sleep.
"I'll go get the wheelchair," Trevor told Olivia and she realised that perhaps he needed a minute. He found it hard to be in the hospital but when she had tried to remove any responsibility from his shoulders, he became adamant that he'd get over it, but it was taking its toll on him.
"Hey baby, while Trevor does that, I wanted to tell you that your Grandma and Grandpa are finally on their flight back home as of tonight for us and they have been so worried about you and Mom. When we got a hold of them, they went straight to book plane tickets home."
"Oh," Kaci looked relieved. "I thought they weren't coming."
"Of course they're coming. It just took us a few days to get a hold of them because they were on a scenic tour with your aunt and were on the move. Of course they care."
"Grandpa kept telling Mom to leave my Dad and move home but Mom was too scared and Grandpa got mad."
"I think Grandpa will just be happy when everyone heals up," Olivia assured her.
Trevor came back with the chair and Olivia began to lower her bed. "Okay sweetie, we're going to do our best to mind those ribs and the rest of your bruises, so let's take it slow," Trevor suggested. He glanced at Liv who pushed the table out of the way to the other side of the bed. "I think we'll both grab one of Kaci's arms so she can put all of her weight on us and we'll help her in to the chair. He made sure the brakes were on.
"Wait—" she paused them. She glanced at Trevor and back to Olivia, a little embarrassed, "Liv, can you please make sure I'm done up at the back?" She was still in the stark, white hospital gown with with the ties in the back. "Wait, I think we can do better than that. Why don't we try putting on that big sleep tee that we bought you?"
"Okay," she agreed. Trevor helped move the bed very slowly in to an upright position. Kaci winced but Olivia could tell she was doing her best to remain as brave as possible. She went to the cupboard and took out the stretchy sleep tee that she had added to the things that Noah had picked to make her feel better.
"I'll give you guys some privacy, give me a call when I can come back," he smiled, pulling the curtain around the bed.
"Thanks honey," Olivia replied. She turned to Kaci, "Do you think you can sit forward just a tiny bit?"
Kaci did her best while Olivia undone the ties at the back. She pulled up the blanket so the teen could keep herself concealed as she slowly helped her out of the arm holes. "Okay, let's put this one on and we can pull that awful white gown out from the covers.
"Thanks," Kaci whispered as she gasped in pain as the T-shirt brushed against her cheek.
"I'm sorry," Liv apologised, listening to her breath slowly, pain written all over her. "You poor thing, I'm so sorry."
"Its okay," Kaci replied. She raised her arms as Olivia assisted her putting her arms in the holes. She helped her pull the sleep tee down, peeling back the blankets and pulling the hem of the tee down over her.
"Does that feel better?, babe?"
Kaci nodded, "thank you, Olivia."
"You're welcome, sweetheart, let's get Trevor back in here and get his help and get you in to that chair." She smiled encouragingly at her. "One second babe."
She stepped out to Trevor who was outside the door. "You can come back in, honey," she gave him a smile, resting her hand on the bend of his arm. He gave a little nod and followed her.
Both Olivia and Trevor helped the girl in to the wheelchair. Trevor crouched down and put the feet ledges down, locking them in. "There you go…" She put her feet up. Olivia handed her her dinosaur toy.
"Can we please see my Mom now?," she asked softly. "Sure… come on…"
Trevor got up and grabbed the handles and with Olivia by his side, they walked slow down the corridor to the high-care ward.
With the help of a nurse, they pushed open the door to Tara's room and Trevor braced himself. The room was as quiet as a pin dropping. He knew what to expect and he had to hold himself as they continued past the curtain.
He stopped as he saw Tara Tramwell laying on the bed, eyes closed, dirty-blond hair fanned out over her pillow. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful. He found himself taking a gulp of air as Olivia's hand touched his back, centering him. "I can't stay," he told her quickly and turned his heel to leave.
"Tre-" he was gone. Olivia understood when she saw Tara exactly why he had panicked. Kaci hadn't noticed and Olivia couldn't leave her; instead she continued, pushing Kaci as close as she could get her to the bed.
"Mommmmy," Kaci breathed, a fresh wave of tears overcoming her.
"You can hold her hand if you like, sweetheart," the nurse urged her. Olivia stroked Kaci's hair watching her reach up gently and take her mother's hand.
"Mommy can you hear me?," she asked softly through her tears. She felt a weak squeeze of her hand. "I felt that, Mom, wake up, please wake up, please…" she begged.
Tara's eyelids fluttered slightly. "Honey, your Mom woke up a little while ago," the nurse told her, "but she's very, very drowsy, just give her some time, okay?"
"Please…" Kaci begged softer, sobbing quietly, "Mommy…"
Olivia watched Tara's eyes open and blink repeatedly for a few moments, staring at the ceiling. "Let's calm down, sweetie, big breaths," Liv coached the teen. "Look, Mom's eyes are open… just take it slow."
She looked at Tara's hand which was curling slowly around Kaci's. Her lips quivered, trying to get a word out, but it was too much — her frustration showing as tears slid down the side of her face.
"Mommy, I'm okay, I just want you to be okay, don't cry," she soothed her Mom. Every so slowly, Tara turned her head to face her daughter. She blinked a lot, getting used to the light. "I love you, Mom."
"Kace…" she whispered, her throat rough, sounding raw and almost a little painful.
"Mommy," she replied, reaching as far as she could, almost forgetting her pain until a shooting jolt of it went through her, smarting her. "Mommy if you can hear me just squeeze my hand okay?"
There was a squeeze. Olivia felt herself tearing up, happy for the mother-daughter pair. "Mom, I want you to be okay, you have to rest, okay?" Another squeeze.
"I'm in the hospital too, Noah's Mom Olivia has been with me," she informed her. Olivia saw the mother's eyes shift toward her. "C-C-Cliv-Clive-"
"You're safe, Kaci is safe. Clive is in lock up, Tara and its okay, we'll be keeping you both safe. He won't be coming out," Liv informed her, "you can relax. I'll take care of Kaci until your parents get here, she's in good hands," she told the mother, rubbing her upper arm affectionately.
Tara nodded slow, showing that she understood.
"This is such good progress," the nurse murmured, "usually loved ones help pull patients out of this comatose drowsiness quicker."
"Kaci, honey, I am going to leave you to have some time with your Mama for a short while and I'll come back for you soon, okay?"
"Okay," she agreed.
"Don't over-do it, be very careful," she warned her.
"We're going to keep visits short," the nurse told Olivia, "maybe 20 minutes maximum, they both need to rest."
"I won't be long," Olivia smiled reassuringly.
/
She searched everywhere but Trevor wasn't to be found. She reached the exit of the hospital and was about to call him when she spotted him outside leaning against a wall, sitting on a bench. His eyes were closed and she noticed his sleeves were folded all the way up and his work-tie loosened.
She made her way over to him, slow. She took a seat beside him. "Hey sweetie…"
"Sorry I-"
"Its alright," she replied, "that must have been hard to walk in there…" she reached for his hand but he pulled it away.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be—" he couldn't think of the word he wanted to use, "I just feel guilt talking about this with you."
"Trevor, I already told you, I'm not threatened by Lana or conversations about Lana. I'm not threatened and of course you're going to have feelings, I'm not upset about that either, sweetheart."
"I know but," he paused, he rubbed his eyes, "I don't know how to talk about her with you now, it feels complicated."
"Trevor, when we began seeing each other we made an agreement that we'd never stop being honest with each other and I don't want you to stop nor do I want you to shut me out. There's been so many times where my defences rise and my natural instinct is to just not talk, but you're there with me and you're patient and it doesn't matter what it is, you're there to listen. I'm here for you, the same way."
"Can we please just… talk about it later, it feels just too raw right now and I still have to go back home for Noah."
"Okay, but don't push me away," she commanded him. He slid his arms around her. "K?" She reciprocated his embrace.
"Okay," he replied.
"Trevor, I know this has all been incredibly hard on you, don't think I haven't noticed. Thank you for being so strong despite it all," she spoke softly. "You're so selfless and kind and you've been putting Kaci first and that just makes me realise how special you are."
"Thanks Liv. I love you. You've just been a rock for that girl, I've never seen anything like it, your ability to just quietly fix things and make the best out of such a tragic situation. Its no wonder you are so amazing at what you do."
Olivia lifted her head and kissed his neck. "I love you too, thank you."
/
"Trevor, guess what!" Noah exclaimed, coming in to the kitchen where Olivia's boyfriend was cooking dinner for the two of them, ready to put some aside for Liv too.
"What is it, kiddo?" Trevor asked, broken from his reverie. He focused back on the chicken that he was browning off on the stovetop.
"I got a message from Kaci!," he smiled happily at his phone. "She must be feeling a lot better."
"I think Kaci had a good day today," he replied, smiling back at Olivia's son. "I'm glad you're happy. What did she say?"
"Mmmm she said Hi Noah, thank you for all of your messages while I've been unwell. Thank you for your iPad, I'm watching New Girl and today I got to see my Mom. I don't know how much your Mom told you, but my face looks pretty bad. When it doesn't look as bad, I would love to see you. For now I'm still in a lot of pain and am taking heavy pain meds. Miss you Noah."
"Aww, I'm so happy. Do you feel a little better?"
"A little bit. I'll be happier when I get to see her, do you think that might be soon, Trev?"
"I'm not sure, Noah, I'm sorry that we don't have an answer for you."
He gave a little shrug. "It was just really nice to hear from her by text. I think it's the first time she's ever texted me. Now she doesn't have to worry about someone reading them, I guess."
Trevor nodded, turning back to the stovetop. Noah realised Trevor wasn't really in a very good mood. "Trev?"
"Yeah?," he looked back at him.
"Sorry if I was being annoying, I was just excited to hear from her. I don't mean to be annoying."
"Wha?," he stared at Noah for a moment watching the wind fall from his sails, his big smile rendered missing as Trevor checked himself for the vibe he was giving off. He had to be careful with Noah given what he'd endured in the past with Elliot. "Noah, what do you mean? You're not being annoying at all, I understand your excitement. I'm sorry, I've just had a really big day and I'm a bit tired but it has absolutely nothing to do with you or your Mom."
"What's wrong? We could talk about it," Noah suggested, sliding on to the stool at the kitchen counter.
"Oh, kiddo, thank you, but… this kind of a hard one, but I promise I'm okay, it's just a hard day."
Noah sat with the thought for a moment. "Is it because of Lana, your wife?," he pressed gently, not wanting to anger Trevor, but just wanting to help.
"A little," Trevor replied, turning the chicken off, not wanting to overcook it. He used the tongs to put it in a baking pan beside the roast potatoes and vegetables. He turned put the pan back in to the oven and turned to Noah. "I don't like hospitals," he told Noah simply, "I've been in and out of a hospital all week because I wanted to help Kaci and your Mom more than I cared about keeping away from them… and today I struggled more than most days, that's all."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Noah said softly, "No one considered your feelings, did they?"
"No, your Mom did," he gave Noah a weak smile. "But I insisted and I'm glad that I did insist because Kaci needs us, but I do have some mixed feelings."
"You hate hospitals because Lana was in hospital right?"
"Yeah," he admitted, deciding to be open and honest with Olivia's son in the most appropriate way that he could be. "After Lana passed, I got really sick and had to stay in the hospital for a short while until my sister could be with me to take care of me at home," he added, "and that was an awful, lonely time."
"Oh…" Noah frowned, "how did you get sick?"
"My mind got sick, kiddo. I didn't really take care of myself or my mental health, so I needed some extra help. This is why I always tell you that it's better to cry and it's better to not let your feelings bottle up, keeping it inside… It's always better to share how you feel."
"I feel bad that you didn't have us around when you went through that. We could have helped."
He smiled at Noah, "That's so sweet, Noah, but maybe if you guys were in my life, I wouldn't have been ready for kind of friendship or relationship with your Mom and things wouldn't feel as peaceful as they do now."
"That's true… it's all in timing, right?"
"Bingo," Trevor replied, actually feeling slightly better if only because of Noah's kind heart and despite his age, his curiosity in how other people were doing and never really acting in any selfish way- that was not typical of teens his age. He and Kaci genuinely seemed like two peas in a pod in that respect. "You're a smart kid, Noah and thank you for asking about me, that's really kind of you."
"Of course," he shrugged. He went to get up to get a drink.
"Uhhh, remember what Mom said, one soda a day, so you can have one now but you won't be able to have one with dinner…"
Noah groaned, "Mom is being craaaazyyyy,"
Trevor laughed, "No, she's not. Come on, drink some water, it's not going to hurt you, you can put some fruit in it."
"That's stupid…"
"It's not stupid, it actually infuses and tastes good, trust me, I'll help you cut up some fruit later we can store it and put it in our water, we should all drink more water."
"Okay fine," Noah sighed. "Do you need me to help with any dinner stuff?"
Trevor laughed, "Good job asking me after it's all in the oven," he managed to find the humour in it.
Noah chuckled too, "Sorry…"
"It's fine, I've got dinner under control, why don't you go have a shower and if you have homework come and do it on the dining table while I mark some work. Maybe we can listen to some music. Some of your more mellow stuff."
Noah smiled and nodded. He liked when Trevor wanted to spend time with him. He didn't have to ask or be prompted, it was usually Trevor's suggestion. "Okay cool, I'll go shower, I won't be long."
/
"I think I might head home early," Liv told Fin, "are you able to hold things down?"
"Yeah, you've had a few huge nights, you go home to Trev," he winked. She hadn't explicitly told him she was seeing someone, but he'd overheard a few phone conversations and Amanda had filled him in on the rest.
Olivia smiled and rolled her eyes. "I'm actually going to pop past the hospital and sit with Kaci so Sonny can go home."
"You never stop, Liv… can't social services take care of her?"
Olivia gave him a look. "Noah would kill me and she's a really good kid, we're just waiting for her grandparents now. I'll see you later."
/
Olivia texted Trevor to let him know she'd be back early. She was going to drop in on Kaci and wait with her til she was ready for sleep. She'd had a big day, she could only imagine the teen would require a good night's rest.
When she walked in to her room she noticed that Kaci seemed different, her mood had lightened a little. She looked up and saw Liv and smiled as best as she could. "Hi Liv, I didn't think you were coming."
"Oh, sweetheart, I promised you I'd come back," she gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. "How are you feeling after seeing Mom?"
"Good, I'm happy that she recognised me and was able to hold my hand and communicate, the nurse said that that's a good sign and that it means her brain function is good."
Olivia smiled. "I'm so happy that you got to see your Mom too."
"I texted with Noah a little too," she told Olivia. "He really wants to see me."
"Yeah," she smiled, sitting on the edge of the girl's bed. "He's been so worried about you. He asks every day when you might want to see him."
"Do you think Noah would think I'm ugly and not want to hang out with me anymore?"
Olivia put on arm around her and drew her against her body, cuddling her. "No, babe, I don't think Noah would ever think you're anything but your beautiful self. I think he is just anxious to see for himself that you're okay."
Kaci thought for a moment, "tomorrow is saturday, right?"
"Yeah," Liv replied.
"Are you going to come in tomorrow or are you at work?"
"I'm off tomorrow, I'll come and visit with you and maybe your grandparents might arrive back."
"Oh, I hope so, then you won't have to visit so often."
"I'd still love to visit you. It's been nice spending time with you," Liv replied.
"Noah's lucky like me to have such a good Mom."
"Thank you, sweetheart, that's so lovely of you to say…"
"Could Noah come with you tomorrow? I think I'll be brave enough to see him, but only if you think he won't get weird about my face because I'm scared he won't like me anymore."
"I don't think anything would make my boy not like you, Kace, I promise."
"Okay, thanks…" she replied.
"And Kaci, I have a little surprise for you tomorrow… I hope you'll like it, but we'll see."
"Oooh what kind of a surprise?," she asked with a little smile.
"You'll have to wait and find out. You better get some sleep so one of the nurses can take you to see your Mom again in the morning. Maybe if she's doing a little better again, you can stay and talk to her for longer."
"Okay," Kaci agreed, letting go of Olivia as she got off her bed. "Liv, my face is really starting to hurt again, I think the pain meds are wearing off."
"Let me go speak to a nurse and see if you can get something for it again," Liv told her.
/
By the time Olivia got home it was almost 9. She found Trevor in the kitchen washing dishes slowly, staring in to the sink. Noah was asleep on the couch, sprawled out with Ruby laying behind him, curled up in to a tiny little coil.
"Hey…" she put her keys on the marble counter. He looked up with a jump, not even hearing her come in.
"Hey," he replied, "how was your day?"
"Not too bad, why are you doing dishes, baby, that's Noah's job," she asked, noticing that it was unlike him not to come to greet her. She advanced toward him and put an arm around his waist.
"Its okay, it's relaxing. I told him I'd do it, he was tired."
"Trevor are you doing okay?," she asked, "you're not yourself."
"No, I don't feel like myself…" he replied simply. "Actually, I think… if it's okay Olivia, I might go home tonight. I think I just need some space."
She stared at him, trying very hard not to take it personal. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it again.
"Its not anything you've done," he told her, putting the last dish up on to the drying rack. He grabbed the kitchen towel and wiped his hands and turned to her. "I'm just… I think I need to just process my thoughts and in the morning I might feel like I'm in a better place to talk about it."
Even though she didn't like it, she had to accept it and she appreciated that he had feelings that she couldn't really comprehend after what he'd experienced earlier in the day. She frowned. "I really am trying to not be upset and just give you what you need — but don't make any decisions based on what you think I want, okay? If you genuinely need to be alone, I understand."
Trevor leaned over and kissed her forehead, sliding his arms around her shoulders, drawing her close. "I don't want you to be upset, that's the last thing I want. And I don't need you to worry, I'll be right back here to see you and Noah tomorrow, ok?"
"Okay… but I miss having you here when you're not…"
He smiled and smoothed her hair from her face. "I'll miss you too, but we'll be okay. I love you."
"I love you too," she replied. "Are you going to go straight away?"
"'Fraid so," he answered, kissing her lips. "But, actually, I've got some mail at home, I got an email notification — I think I know exactly what it is and I need to get it to you before you go to the hospital tomorrow."
"Okay."
"I put some dinner in the refrigerator for you, you just need to heat it up. It's a roast," he flashed her a smile.
"Oooft, thanks baby," she kissed his lips again before releasing him. She watched him walk off down the hall to get his things together. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach but tried to ignore it. He wasn't Elliot and just because he was spending a night at home didn't mean he was leaving them forever.
She pulled the plate of food out of the fridge and pulled back the foil. She took a smell of it and closed her eyes with a sigh. "Find something you like?" Trevor teased gently as he put his keys and wallet down. He placed Ruby's lead on the stool.
"Yeah, it smells delicious. Thank you."
"Liv, come here for one second—" she put the plate down and turned to him. He held his arms open. She stepped in to his arms and let him hold her for a moment. He closed his eyes, ignoring his own feelings of guilt for the moment; she needed him, she needed assurance. He had some idea of what was going through her head after Elliot. "I don't need you to worry or think that I'm not going to come back, or that I'm just looking to escape you, you know that right?"
"Yeah…" she whispered even though she wasn't entirely convinced.
"Promise. I'll call you before I go to sleep to say goodnight," he kissed her cheek. "I love you so much, okay?"
"I love you too," she gave him a little squeeze before letting go.
He whistled quietly for Ruby who came running toward him. "I'm gonna take my girl home with me, I think I might need my little therapy dog company through the night."
"If you need therapy Olivia company, call me…"
"I promise to," he replied.
He clicked in Ruby's lead and gave her a little wave as he walked out the door. Once out on the street, he felt all of his energy depleting. He felt his shoulders slump and everything bit of trying to mask his feelings fall from his body. The pain he felt was physical and the second he got inside he took Ruby off her lead and started to disrobe as if even the fabric of his clothes were irritating him.
It was a feeling like an itch he couldn't scratch. He went to the kitchen and pulled the hard liquor out and poured it straight in to a glass tumbler and took a mouthful and let it wash down. It was the only way to make the constant flashes of images of Lana go away; if he slept, he wouldn't have to see her in the hospital laying lifeless without so much as fucking goodbye, he thought, as he took another mouthful, ignoring the burning in his throat.
He felt angry with himself at how quickly he was able to spiral out of control after just one little run-in with grief. He cursed under his breath as the alcohol took such a little short amount of time to hit him. He headed to his bedroom and opened his bedside drawer and pulled out his frame of himself and Lana.
He picked up his phone and looked at his playlist and hit the song that tortured his soul yet brought him such a sense of familiarity and comfort.
Oh, so long for this night I prayed, that a star would guide you my way, to share with me, this special day, where there are ribbons in the sky for our love…
If allowed, may I touch your hand? And if pleased, may I once again… so that you too will understand, that there's a ribbon in the sky for our love…
He remembered watching his wife appear in the entryway of the church. He stood at the steps of the Altar with Gavin because he couldn't choose between his two closest college friends and he had been getting closer to his brother-in-law. He felt his body covered in warm chills as Raia walked ahead of his bride. He could barely look at his sister without wanting to cry.
They shared a smile, she looked beautiful in a soft dusty pink dress but he was anxious to see Lana. She stepped aside and finally he could see her in all of her beauty. Her hair was sleek down, tumbling down her shoulders and down her back - it wasn't in any fancy style, just natural and beautiful with a few tiny bits of baby's breath flowers woven in behind her ears.
He grinned at her through his own tears. He blinked them away as they got closer to him. Trevor moved toward her. He waited for them to make the rest of the journey, her father, tearful too. Lana's father kissed her on the check and gave Trevor a hug. "Take care of my girl…" he murmured quietly.
"Of course, always, I'll always protect her," Trevor replied.
He took Lana's hand and stood, staring at her in awe. "You look so…" he shook his head, "I can't…" he chuckled, reaching up brushing tears away.
She grinned back, "Don't Trev, don't cry, I'll cry, we can't cry."
They chuckled. "You look so beautiful…"
He felt her hands shaking as he gave them a squeeze. "I love you," he whispered as the song continued and the stragglers dashed in to find their seats.
This is not a coincidence and far more than a lucky chance…but what is that what was always meant, is our ribbon in the sky for our love…
He remembered taking his vows and being the proudest man in the room. He loved Lana with every part of him and he had lied to her father, he had promised to protect her and he'd failed. He hated himself for it and there wasn't a single day where he didn't replay that moment and feel wracked by guilt.
He felt the weight of Ruby jumping on to the bed with him without invitation. Her behaviour had seemed to relax a little since spending so much time with Olivia and Noah. She nuzzled his shoulder until he lifted his arm and put it around her, feeling the fresh tears flow down his face, hugging the picture of Lana to his chest.
It had been awhile since he'd cried - awhile since he'd realised he was leaving her behind and moving on and it hurt. In his mind he pictured her somewhere in the ethereal, just as heartbroken as he had been, begging him not to go, watching him walk forward, holding the hand of another person. It was an image he always got whenever he let himself fall too far in to grief and throughout the whole week, he'd been trying his hardest not to think; not to feel, not to let the grief stain his conscience again.
But it was too late now.
Wheeling Kaci in to her mother's room had been the last straw - the straw, the camel, the back-breaking; it had all come to a head. He saw Lana in that bed. Lifeless and empty, the very goodness that fleshed her out had been gone and she was nothing but a cold shell. And he had begged her to come back, he had held her cold hand and knew that she was gone but it didn't stop him from praying and hoping that he was wrong, that there was something that they could do.
The worst part of all was that with the hours that ticked by that he was still awake, still getting up to get a drink before taking the bottle to the bedroom with him, he missed Olivia. He loved her so much and absolutely hated the feeling that he got when he realised she had been triggered by him deciding to leave as soon as she got home. He loved her so much that sometimes she outweighed the pain left within him from Lana.
He had not been expecting that.
It made him feel worse and even more confused and more sorry to Lana for moving further and further from her; from the image of her burned in to his brain from somewhere, perhaps a dream, of her begging him not to go, to stay with her. There was so much distance between them now that at times he found himself forgetting the way she looked first thing in the morning or the playful ways she used to fight with him which would frustrate him to madness until he give in and eventually laugh or hug her and apologise because he couldn't resist to stay angry with her for long.
If he'd just said goodbye… He dissolved in to sobs, whispering in to the darkness and begging for forgiveness for moving on. He felt crazy, but what if - what if she could hear him or see him.
Begging out of hope not really belief.
He wanted Olivia, he wanted her arms around him. He wanted her to hold him and tell him it was okay. He wanted to stop feeling the weight of the guilt. He wiped his eyes and picked up his phone and turned the stupid song off. He saw there were three missed calls from Olivia just before midnight and he was angry with himself for forgetting to call when he said he would.
Despite it being almost 1:30 in the morning, he called.
Olivia answered in less than two rings. "I'm so sorry," he apologised, "I didn't mean to forget to call-"
Olivia could hear a slight slur in his speech. She knew immediately he'd been drinking. "Baby, are you okay?"
"No…" his voice trailed off. "I hate that I made you worry earlier, I'm so sorry," she heard him sniff and she knew that he'd been crying.
"Its okay, Trev… I think I'm going to come and check on you, is that okay? I'm worried."
"Noah-"
"Don't worry about Noah. I'll be over as soon as I can," given what he had told her about his past, Olivia wanted to make sure that he hadn't done anything self destructive.
Fin would have still been on duty and Amanda would have started her shift at 11. She called her colleagues and asked Amanda to come and sit with Noah until she either got back or gave her further notice; that she had to go and check in on Trevor.
As soon as Amanda arrived, Liv gave her a hug, dodging her questions as she bolted out the door and in to the uber that waited for her at the curb-side.
/
She knocked on Trevor's door a few times until it opened up. She was not expecting him to open it wearing next to nothing. He was in underwear. He swept her up and shut the door behind her. "Hey-" before she had a chance to say much else he had pushed her up against the wall, his mouth covering hers, kissing her hungrily, trying to will the pain away from inside him by using his physical feelings to vent them in the form of forgetting with sex.
Olivia was surprised and as his tongue filled her mouth all she could taste was pure alcohol. His hands were at her waist, starting to travel upward, covering a breast before she realised that he was drunk and trying to fuck away his pain.
Not again, she thought with the sinking feeling that she'd had earlier begin to overtake her with a sense of sadness and disappointment. She placed her hands on his shoulders and tried to push him away, turning her head to the side, "stop," she whispered.
"Liv, I love you-" he slurred, trying to kiss her again.
"Stop it!" She pushed him as firmly as she could until he stumbled back. "Stop it! I don't want this… I don't want this!," she motioned to whatever it was that was going on between herself and Trevor. "I won't let you do this to me, not again, not like him."
"Wha-huh?" Trevor stared at her, troubled by her anger. "What did I do-"
"You fucking ran! There was a problem and you ran! You are so drunk you can barely stand up and rather than talk things through, you ran away and you think you can keep running by fucking me and disrespecting my body to make yourself feel better!"
"No—" he protested, "no that's not-"
"I don't exist to assuage your fucking guilt!," she raised her voice at him, almost shaking with anger.
"Olivia- please, I'm sorry," he murmured.
"You're so fucking drunk," she shook her head, eyeing him with disappointment. "I can't believe I left my son at home for this… I'm going home, sleep it off, Trevor."
"Liv, don't go…" he commanded her gently, her anger proved to be a little sobering. Her words were hard to hear but perhaps he needed to hear them. "Please, please, please don't go," he begged, his voice dissolving in to tears.
With her back turned, ready to walk out the door, she heard the sound of his voice, soft, cracking with emotion. Once she turned back to him she saw the tears flooding his face, "I never want to hurt you, you mean too much to me. I'm so sorry."
"I think you need some water, come on," she remarked, continuing down the hall. He followed her to the kitchen, brushing his tears aside. He went to touch her but she flinched away as she poured him a glass.
"Don't touch me," she muttered, setting the glass down with an annoyed clank. "Drink your water."
Like an admonished child, he drank the water until the glass was empty and put it back down. Olivia refilled it. "Come on, let's get you in to bed."
She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward his bedroom. It was when she saw the photo of Lana on the empty side of the bed and the half-finished bottle of Jack Daniel's that she realised he was in deep pain and was self-medicating. A song was playing on his phone that he could have sworn he turned off to call Liv back.
Maybe he got side tracked, he thought. She picked up the photo frame without any weirdness or hesitation which he appreciated. She stared at the wedding photo of the two of them with a fond smile. She turned to Trevor, "honey, it's okay," she told him softly. "Its okay that you're upset about her and that today pulled you back in to that moment, you two had a life and probably a very wonderful and happy one and it's okay to feel sad that you lost her, you don't have to hide that from me."
Trevor fell down on to the edge of his bed as Olivia stood the frame up on his bedside table. "She looks absolutely breath-taking…" she added with a smile, turning back to him. She took a step closer and let him wrap his arms around her waist, drawing her close between his legs. She took his face in her hands and guided his head gently to look up in to hers. "Its okay."
She watched his face crumple as he lowered his head and came apart at the seams. She held him tightly as he clutched on to her, burying his face in to her stomach, sobbing— his whole body shook with grief. She couldn't help but to feel her own tears sliding down her face. She stroked his hair and continued to tell him it was okay.
She could feel her shirt wet from his tears and Ruby sitting beside him, panting, nervous and concerned about her owner. Olivia leaned over Trevor, wrapping her arms around his neck loosely, kissing his forehead. "I love you, I've got you," she murmured. "Get it all out of your system, you'll feel better…" she urged him.
She wasn't quite sure how long she stayed with him in the one spot - for how long he had been broken in to pieces, very nearly inconsolable but it was awhile. She remained patient and soothing and Trevor did feel better for having her there. She felt him loosening his grip on her slightly, allowing himself the room to breathe again- his face wet and his whole body had overheated.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling the shame returning for letting her see him in such a state.
"Don't you be sorry," she murmured, "don't you dare be sorry, you should never feel sorry for this," she told him firmly. "I'm going to get you a glass of water and a wash cloth for your face and then when you feel ready, we're going to find you some clothes and you and Ruby are coming back to my place where you both belong," the words came out of her mouth before she realised what she was saying.
He nodded, sniffing and wiping his eyes.
"Thanks Liv…" he murmured, reaching over to turn the song off.
She smoothed his hair, letting her hand linger over the heat of the back of his neck. "Okay, wait here…"
Trevor laid back on his bed, fanning off his hot face. He took some deep breaths, trying to blank his mind for a moment, to remain calm and not get overtaken by polarised thoughts and feelings.
Olivia returned a second later with a glass of water and a dripping wet cold cloth.
"Thanks," he sat up and took the water from her. This time she had found his drink bottle and filled it from the jug in his refrigerator. He took a big drink and let her dab at his neck with the cloth. She took a seat next to him. He glanced at her, thankful for her gentleness. He couldn't reconcile how easy it was to love her, how deeply he felt while still grieving the loss of another.
"Is that better?," she asked, smoothing the cloth over his forehead and cheeks and down his arm, cooling him right down. He nodded. "Thank you," he replied, his voice quieted by his sheepishness. He reached up and covered her hand with his. "I'm so sorry I did this to you…"
"Sweetheart," she cocked her head with slight reproach, "you didn't do anything to me, if you found me in this state, how would you treat me?"
"I'd just want to love you and be there…" his voice trailed.
"Well then," she gave him a weak smile. "Let's find you some clothes, huh?"
He nodded.
/
Trevor followed behind Olivia back in to her apartment with Ruby on her lead. He let her off as soon as they closed the door. He still felt sheepish in his black sweat suit with the hood pulled up over his head.
"Hey, is everything okay?" Amanda asked as she spotted Trevor and smiled at. His dog raced in to greet the unfamiliar person. Amanda got to her knees and pet the dog, roughing her up a little the way she did with Frannie.
"Everything's fine," Olivia smiled and told Amanda with her eyes that she would update her later.
"Noah didn't wake or anything," Amanda told her, "hey Trevor," she smiled at him as she got to her feet.
"Hi Amanda, nice to see you again," he greeted her with a weak smile.
"You too, Trevor."
"Thanks for coming, Amanda, I won't hold you up any longer."
She smiled at the couple, "fine with me, I'm getting paid by you for this after all," she joked. She gave her boss a hug. "See you on Tuesday, mama," she told her. "Oh, also — we're having dinner saturday night at our place with the regulars, you're all welcome."
"Thanks, I'll let you know tomorrow,"
Olivia saw her out and Trevor waved goodbye to her and took himself off to Olivia's bedroom. Ruby barely left his side, once he'd brushed his teeth and got in to bed. Eventually he heard Olivia come in and head in to the bathroom. She got changed for bed and turned off the lights and hopped in beside him.
She inched over, reaching out to him. He was facing away from her which wasn't something he commonly did but Liv understood. He was feeling vulnerable and probably a little embarrassed by the way he had treated her when she walked in and then regretted how emotional he had become. She rubbed his back slowly the way he did for her. Trevor lay, trying his hardest not to sniff, not to draw attention and to please, please not deteriorate in to tears the way he had back at his own apartment.
Too late.
"Trev? You okay?"
"Yeah…" he whispered. "I'm just…" he sniffed finally, "just feeling sorry for myself," he managed a chuckle.
"Its alright. Do you want me to spoon you?," she asked gently.
He chuckled again. "Yes… yes I do."
He heard a light laugh come from her as she got close and circled an arm around him. He reached for her hand and laced his fingers through hers, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss the back of it. She closed her eyes and rested her cheek against his warm skin.
She worried about him; he seemed tired, spent and depleted of all emotion, or at least that's how it seemed, but he was probably still halfway drunk. She was having trouble switching off to go to sleep— it wasn't his fault, she'd been on nightshift for five nights straight, it was like that coming off it.
"Liv, are you still awake?," he wondered out loud.
"Yeah… wide awake," she replied. She felt his body shifting so that he could turn around to face her. She gave him some space, moving back a little. He grabbed his water bottle, raising himself up slightly to take a very big drink. "Would you like some water?," he offered it to her.
"No thanks…"
He laid back down and got comfortable. "I'm having trouble sleeping too," he admitted, "I'm a little angry with myself for how I made you feel when you walked in to my apartment. I really didn't mean to do that to you-"
"Its okay," she replied, despite the fact that it hadn't been okay. It had been triggering and maybe just that little bit too rough.
"I know you're not here to make me stop feeling guilty. You exist because you are who you are— I am a shitty man for making you feel otherwise."
"You're not, you just have something going on…" her voice trailed.
"Please accept my apology though, I will try my very best to never make you feel worthless or upset with me again."
"I accept your apology, Trevor, its okay," she repeated. She reached up to stroke his face. "I love you. I just want you to share how you're doing with me, I can tell you're in pain and I'm so, so sad to see that and I don't want you to suffer alone."
"Can I tell you something really fucking stupid? Like, it might make me sound crazy."
"I'm sure I'm not going to think that," she replied.
He thought about what he wanted to say and if he was brave enough to say it. The lights were out; she couldn't see his face, it easier to tell secrets in the dark; the kind of inhibitions that existed in the daylight were washed away by darkness. "When I think of Lana in the ethereal or whatever afterlife exists, I feel like she's alone. I feel like there might not be peace for her because she's alone. And this picture I get in my mind — it haunts me so much whenever I close my eyes, is her.. crying and begging for me to not leave her — her hand is outstretched and she's on that … fucking bed and she's crying and I can't get to her but I'm also moving farther away as time progresses; as our relationship progresses and the remorse grows if I think about it too much," he explained, wiping fresh tears. "Normally I can push it away but today it was overwhelming."
"Maybe you're not ready for this…" she suggested what was between them as much as it pained her to say it.
"That's the thing," he spoke slowly and quietly. "I thought I had a lifetime with this woman, I thought she was the love of my life and that we'd grow old together and the longer the time goes on that I spend with you — I realise that it might not have been the case, the way I feel about you, you're the love of my life that I thought I had with Lana and maybe that's why I feel guilty. The way I feel about you is … incomparable. You are my everything and I realised that tonight when I laid in bed drinking. I missed the way the air feels when you're close to me. I miss you both so much, just the fucking sound of you both breathing when you're around me, it's so stupid but I guess that's why I keep thinking of Lana like that."
Olivia wasn't entirely sure what to think— his comment was a lot — him airing his feelings to that degree was not what she was expecting. "Really? You feel that about Noah and I?"
"Yeah…" he whispered, "you're the one and I know it's not been too long but I have never been more sure about something and Noah? He's an angel, he's the absolute picture of the most incredible bonus to a relationship I could dream of."
"I just need a second to put that aside for a moment because I don't want to make this about me. I want to address your feelings about Lana first. Do you think that they could be projections of how you feel? Raia told you and she told me that Lana would have absolutely wanted you to move on, you know that right? Women are like that; women want happiness for the people they love and from everything you've told me about your sister and Lana, neither of them would lie about that. Maybe you feel that she left you behind, that's normal to feel that abandonment, and maybe you're the one moving further away because you're slowly letting go and that's okay too."
"Fuck," he cursed, "this is why I love you with my soul, Olivia, you are incredible and smart and beautiful and you give me perspective and I don't want to be without you or Noah, I need you both so much." He paused, "you know how beautiful your son is? He picked up that I was in a bad mood earlier and talked to me like a tiny grown up my wife in limited detail… he made me feel better just from his kind spirit."
"I love you and thank you for accepting my child with all of your heart, Trevor. I'm sure about you too. I'm scared, but I'm certain about you and I don't think I've ever been this certain about any man before." He leaned in and kissed her briefly on the lips.
He stroked her hair. "We should talk more about this tomorrow. I'm exhausted but my brain is just full of noise."
"I agree. Would you like to turn the TV on, if we can't sleep maybe we can watch a movie or something together and have some peaceful time."
"Yeah… that might be good."
/
Trevor woke up feeling a lot more clear headed. He slid out from beside Liv who was finally sleeping soundly. She'd had a big week too, sleeping only a few hours every day, it had caught up with her.
He thought about the night before and how full of grief he felt in the darkness, but Olivia had come along and showed him grace when he hadn't acted right to begin with - he had almost taken advantage of her kindness by trying to use her to forget and that didn't sit well with him.
He had apologised a few times and he knew she would have let it go but he wanted to do something a little extra to show him that he was sorry and that it would never happen again. The grief had washed away with the light and the comfort of the woman who slept soundly with the dog at her side. He couldn't do much but laugh when they woke up with the dog trying to get between them. It was much better when she slept in Noah's room.
He pulled some clothes on and quietly called for his dog, she waited patiently while he brushed his teeth. She came immediately to his side and followed Trevor out the door. He pulled Liv's door ajar and grabbed for his wallet, keys and dog lead.
He had to go past his apartment and pick up his mail before Olivia went to the hospital again. He had decided for his own sake of wellbeing that he wasn't going to visit with them, instead he had an idea for a family-date, depending on whether or not Olivia wanted to visit with the Carisi's for dinner.
As he walked he remembered Olivia and Noah's stories about how Elliot had left, how he had told them he had loved them and then just disappeared. He knew the very tiny instances of him leaving at times left them both feeling insecure and unsure of whether or not he would return. He hated that.
He plucked his phone out of his pocket and began to send Olivia a text in case she woke up without him and assumed the worst.
"Hi sweetheart, I just woke up and decided to go for a walk with Ruby. I forgot to grab something from the mail in my apartment last night so I'm going to go swing past and grab that. Won't be long, I miss you and love you both very much, xxx."
/
Olivia woke up at 10 am with Noah crawling on to the bed beside her. She turned to face him and smiled, "Good morning babe…"
"Good morning Mom, what time is Trevor coming over this morning?," he asked.
Olivia yawned as she realised that he must have got up early and left. "He's not here?," she asked quizzically.
"No, he went home, remember…"
"Oh yeah I went back to his apartment late last night while Amanda came over, he was sad, so I checked on him and he came back with me. Ruby's not here?"
"No?" Noah was confused. Olivia felt a little feeling of panic cross her. She reached for her phone about to call him when she saw a text. She opened it and read and felt herself relaxing. "Oh," she smiled, "he's just gone for a walk and to get some coffee."
Noah seemed to relax too.
"I have some good news for you today, babe," she began.
"Yeah? What is it?"
"I'm taking you with me to see Kaci."
"What! Seriously!," he grinned, "is she okay with that?"
"Yeah, but she's sensitive and a little worried that you might judge how she looks, so I need you to try your very best not to react to how bad her face is,"
"Is it not a little better?"
"Yes babe, it's a little tiny better every day but eating and drinking is still a bit difficult, so you'll need to just… I don't know, you can comment, because she knows, but just be careful with your words, she's very, very sensitive."
"Okay, I will."
/
Trevor let himself back in to Olivia's apartment, closing the door as best as he could without making noise. It was harder than he had suspected to hold two coffees and a bunch of beautiful, colourful flowers.
"Trevor?" Liv called out, making sure it was him.
"Yeah, it's me, I'll just be a second," he called back. He put the coffees down on the counter, put the package down beside it and grabbed unhooked Ruby. He reorganised himself and made his way toward Olivia's bedroom and pushed open the door. He smiled to see Noah with her, watching The Simpsons together — a cartoon that he'd only recently discovered because of the Disney streaming platform.
"Good morning my loves," he told them both with a little smile. Olivia looked up and grinned at him, noticing the big bouquet of coloured spring blooms.
"Awww you got me flowers?," she asked. Trevor looked at the bouquet as if just noticing them.
"Oh? These? Oh, no I got these for me… I got you coffee," he joked as he won laughter from Noah. Olivia cocked her head with mock-reproach as he made his way around to her side of the bed. "Of course they're for you. Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful and gentle with me yesterday, I was having a really terrible time and you both helped." He handed her the bouquet and kissed her lips. Noah was pretending not to notice. He set her coffee down on the table.
"Thanks for appreciating us. And, you're welcome, Noah and I are always here for you, you know that."
Going around to the other side of the bed. He reached under his arm. "I got you this, I've read this," he handed Noah a book. "I know it seems like a weird gift, but I know how much you love history and you're really in to running — it's so inspiring, I think you'll really enjoy it."
"Aww, thanks Trevor," Noah looked at the book in his hands. Unbroken - the story of an Olympic runner who became a Japanese POW. "I really appreciate it."
"Its just something small to show you and your Mom how grateful I am to have you both — even when things feel a bit difficult, or even when I'm dealing with a little grief or sadness, I don't ever want to be far away from the both of you."
Noah sat up and reached his arms out for Trevor. He was a little surprised but took a seat and hugged Olivia's son back, smiling at her over Noah's shoulder as he let his eyes fall shut and gave him a squeeze.
"Sometimes we forget that you need a hug too when things are tough," Noah told him as he drew away. Trevor did his best not to become emotional.
He just chuckled in disbelief. He looked at Liv, "can you believe this kid?," he asked, "Noah, you really are a the best kid I've ever met, I honestly mean that."
Noah just smiled.
"He's not wrong," Liv shrugged, "I always tell Noah he can tell me if he's feeling sad or upset and maybe I won't know how to fix it, but I do know how to give a good hug and that always extends to you too, sweetheart." Olivia told him, sipping her coffee. "But thank you for our gifts."
"Thanks, both of you. I was thinking that I might skip the hospital today if that's okay."
"Totally fine, we understand, right babe?," she asked Noah.
"Yeah," he nodded. "What are you going to do instead?, I don't want you to be alone if you're feeling sad."
"No, it'll be fine. I was actually wondering… did you plan on going to Amanda's tonight?," he directed his question to Liv.
"No, I think we've all had a big enough week, it might be nice to have a quiet weekend here; the three of us."
"Okay, well how would you guys feel if I put together a little fun family date for us that we can do right here at home?"
"Yeah?" Liv smiled, "like what?"
"Well… it'll be a surprise, but I'll either cook something amazing for dinner or find something nice that we can order in, but there will be a fun activity too. I'll just have to organise it so that's what I'll spend my day doing."
"Wait, what's a family date?" Noah asked, making a face.
Trevor laughed. "Its just my stupid way of saying some family time — that includes you. Not everything is for only Mom and I, kiddo, we want you to be involved in doing fun stuff too."
He could tell Noah liked that idea. "That's nice," he said with a little smile. "Thanks Trevor, thanks Mom."
"Of course, babe," she leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.
"Do you want me to take those flowers and find a vase for them?," he offered.
"No, it's okay. I'll get up, I can make some breakfast."
"No—" Trevor shook his head, "I'm making breakfast. You guys can stay in bed and I can serve you here or you can come out to the dining room - I'll leave that decision up to you."
"We'll get up. Maybe we'll just have a pajama morning," Liv suggested. "I'll take Noah to visit Kaci around lunch time to have given her some time with Tara."
"Okay," Trevor smiled. "Oh, I have something for you guys to take with you too," he told them.
"What is it?" Noah asked, getting up, following Trevor back out the door and in to the family area. Trevor took a sip of his coffee and set it down and picked up his mail. He opened up the package and took out a small pouch and handed it to Noah. "Here, Raia was able to pick up something else for Kaci to replace the old bracelet."
Noah took it and opened the pouch tipping the bracelet out. "They didn't have any rose quartz ones left but Raia explained what happened so the jeweller remade one just for Kaci."
"Aww that's so beautiful," Olivia remarked, coming up behind Noah to see what he had. "Kaci is going to be so happy. Thanks Trevor, that was so thoughtful of you."
"Now I owe you twice," Noah remarked.
"We don't keep score and owe each other things, kiddo," Trevor told him, "don't worry about it. You give her that bracelet and you show her how good of a friend you are because she's going to need one."
"Thank you, Trevor."
"Don't mention it. Now, who wants eggs and who wants cinnamon French toast with maple syrup?"
"Ooooh French toast for sweet tooth over here," Liv smiled.
"French toast here too, Trev," Noah replied as they both sat down at the kitchen counter on the stools as Trevor went to work; his favourite meal to make was always going to be breakfast.
/
"Hello, hello," Olivia greeted Kaci with Noah trailing behind her feeling a little scared to see her. Kaci smiled and waved. "Hi Liv!"
"Hi, how are you feeling?"
"Good, I just got back a little while ago from seeing my Mom and she is even better today. I got to give her a cuddle."
"Oh honey that's so amazing." Olivia looked behind her and noticed that Noah was lingering back behind the curtain. "Is she speaking well?"
Kaci nodded. "Yeah, she's talking and the nurses explained to her what happened and we talked for awhile. I'm just thankful she's okay."
"Me too, honey, me too!" Olivia gave her a hug and a kiss hello. "Your swelling is a little better," she remarked, looking at the girl's cheek which was looking slightly better and she was able to have better use of her left eye.
Kaci sighed happily.
"Hey babe, I have a visitor with me who's really excited to see you, are you ready?"
She saw Kaci pull her blankets up higher around her. She smiled sweetly at Olivia and nodded.
"Noah?"
Slowly Noah stepped from behind the curtain with a small bunch of flowers and the gift that Trevor has rebought for her. He was shocked as his Mom warned him he might be, but he held it back and summoned a smile despite feeling so sad that she had been so badly hurt. "Hi Kaci," he greeted her shyly.
"Hi Noah," she smiled at him, trying not to be embarrassed or emotional. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, I'm more worried about you," he told her, "I'm so glad you're doing better and that you got to talk to your Mom."
"Me too," she smiled.
"I got you these flowers…" he offered her, "I hope you like them,"
"Oh, thank you so much," she smiled. She turned to Olivia. "Could you please lift my bed for me, Liv?"
"Of course," she smiled. She raised Kaci's bed for her and picked up on the awkward tension. "Noah, why don't I take the flowers and find you Kaci a vase and then I might give you guys some time to talk, does that sound okay?"
"Sure," Noah nodded.
Olivia took the flowers and smiled at her son and left him with Kaci.
Once they were alone he got a little bit closer to the bed, a little hesitant and unsure of quite what to say. "Its okay Noah, I know I don't look the same, I'm really ugly, I know."
"No," he said quickly, "you're never ugly to me Kace, I just… feel bad that you went through this."
"Its not your fault, I had such a special birthday until dinner time and you made it really special for me," she told him gently. She didn't want to get emotional, embarrassed of him seeing her cry.
"I know but… I should have told my Mom when you told me that secret; I could have stopped it earlier. Mom would have taken care of you and your Mom, she wouldn't have let this happen."
"I'm sorry I told you that, Noah, I shouldn't have put you in that position… I think if you told I would have been really angry. Thanks for keeping my secret no matter what."
"Of course…" he murmured. "You've always kept my secrets, I'll always keep yours." He stared at her for a moment before he asked his next question, "Can I give you a hug?"
She nodded with a little smile. Noah leaned over her and gently hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much," he murmured.
"I missed you too, I was so scared you'd hate me after you saw my face," she told him.
Noah pulled away and smiled at her. He ran his hand over her hair and shook his head. "No. You're still adorable, I just hate your Dad more than I did before. I just really want you not to be in pain."
"Thanks Noah, I hate my Dad too."
She shifted over carefully, holding her rib. "Do you want to sit up here on my bed next to me?," she asked.
"I don't want to hurt you," he replied.
She shrugged, "your Mom sat up here with me yesterday and we watched TV together."
Noah smiled and took his shoes off. "Okay, if my Mom can, I can," he reconsidered. He carefully got up beside her and smiled at her. "I was so worried about you," he told her, "when you didn't answer your phone I knew something was wrong."
"I didn't mean to make you worry. When I told you I was going for dinner, I almost asked you to tell your Mom to come to my house because I was scared, but I was scared of what my Dad might do… but… your Mom said he's not going to ever be allowed near us again."
"Mom won't let him hurt you guys, I promise. If she said that, its because she means it."
"Thanks…" her voice trailed.
Noah dug in to his pocket, almost forgetting. He slowly pulled out the pouch. "Hey… I got you something."
"What is it?," she instantly recognised the pouch and eyed the cute boy who smiled at her encouragingly. She opened the pouch and let the same bracelet that he'd given her days earlier fall out in to her palm. "Oh…" she murmured before the tears spilled over.
"No, no, don't cry," he said quickly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you…"
"No, I'm not upset with you, its just so … kind and I was so sad when it got broken," she wiped her eyes carefully. "Thank you…"
"Trevor's sister helped us get it. All the jewellery from that store is one-off so Trevor's sister told the jeweller what happened and they made it again just for you. You deserve this bracelet and you seemed to sincerely love it so much, so I wanted you to have it, nobody gets to take it from you, not even your Dad."
"Thank you, it means so much to me, everything… sharing your Mom and Trevor with me and being here with me and all your texts. I'm so lucky to have you."
She cuddled him. Noah cuddled her back just as his Mom pulled the curtain back gently. It was jarring and unnerving for Olivia to see her son on a bed with a teenaged girl and for just a second she wanted to protest, but she knew it was innocent and that her son was comforting his friend. She knew Kaci wasn't ready for anything else and as much as that might have upset Noah, he would have understood.
"Sorry to interrupt guys, I'm just dropping off the vase. Also, Kaci, the doctor told me you're eating solid foods properly again. So I was thinking, why don't I go and grab you both a special lunch?"
"Oooh, yeah? No hospital lunch?"
"No hospital lunch. I could get something like Shake Shack or Wendys, whatever you want… your choice."
"Mmmm could we have Five Guys?" Kaci asked gingerly as if she were afraid Olivia would say no.
"Of course, honey, what would you like?"
"Mmmm just a cheeseburger and some fries."
"Sure of course," she looked to her son, "what about you?"
Noah smirked, "you know what I always have from Five Guys."
Olivia smiled. "Okay, I won't be long, behave yourselves, guys, no silliness. Don't try to escape."
They both chuckled.
/
After lunch Olivia revealed her other surprise for Kaci. "So… Noah, Trevor and I decided we wanted you to have super cool braids again with the cool unicorn colours through it again. What do you think about that?"
"Oh, yeah… maybe again later."
"Wellllll" Olivia reached in to her hand bag and showed her the artificial hair, "I actually have been watching YouTube tutorials this week and I think I can do it for you. Would you like me to try?"
Kaci was smiling so hard that her cheeks ached. "Really? Wow…"
"Yeah, the nurse said if you were comfortable, I could help you wash your hair in the shower and we could put some product in it so you don't get all the fly-aways and then we can give it a shot, what do you think?"
"Well, I actually would like a real shower and to brush my teeth properly."
"Noah," Olivia looked at her son. "Why don't you go for a little walk and I can give you a text when we're back ready to do Kaci's hair."
"Okay," he smiled simply. He gave Kaci a wave, "happy hair washing!"
/
Noah sat down outside in the sunshine when he thought of something he'd forgotten to ask Trevor. He picked up his phone and dialled his contact. It rang for a few moments until finally Trevor picked up.
"Hey sunshine, what's up?"
Noah couldn't help but to smile at Trevor's little pet name for him, "Hi Trev, I just went for a walk while Mom was helping Kaci wash her hair," he told him.
"Your Mom is an absolute saint…" his voice trailed off. "Bored are you?"
"A little. But I forgot to tell you… did you know Mom's birthday is early next month?"
"Yeah, I did actually, I saw her licence," he chuckled. "What are you thinking?"
"I don't know, but Mom loves the beach, I'm thinking we take her to the beach maybe and have a nice day as long as it's warm enough…"
"Wanna know what I was thinking?," he wondered.
"Yeah?"
"I was thinking we could go to Montauk and stay in a really nice hotel by the beach for a few days, what do you think?"
"Ohhh that would be so cool, I think Mom would absolutely love that, but can we make it a surprise? She doesn't get many of those - not many good ones anyway," he added.
Trevor smiled, "Yeah I think we can do that, we can talk more about it on Tuesday when Mom goes back to work and we can look at some nice hotels, how does that sound?"
"Great," Noah smiled. "Hey Trev?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for my book, I brought it with me and there's place outside under a tree and I'm going to start reading it while I give Mom and Kaci some space."
"You're so welcome, I hope you like it," Trevor replied. "Did you give Kaci the bracelet?," he asked.
"Yeah," Noah grinned, "she loved it, she cried because she was so happy. Thank you for doing that for us and Raia too." He paused for a second and thought for a moment before speaking, "Trev can I tell you something?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"I know you're not my Dad but … thanks for doing stuff for me that a Dad might do," he said softly, "sorry if that makes you feel weird-" he blurted out, suddenly becoming aware that it might have been inappropriate.
"Oh, Noah, I told you, I'm always gonna be here for you. I'll always look out for you and you can always rely on me. I'm not going anywhere. Promise. I love you and your Mom so much, I need you to trust that."
"I do," he replied, humbled by his kindness. "But sometimes I still get a bit nervous. When you said you were going home last night I wondered if you and Mom had a fight."
"No, I told you it wasn't to do with you guys… but I just needed a minute to collect my thoughts and your Mom ended up coming over later to talk and I came back, just like I promised."
"I know," Noah replied.
"Anyway, I think my parents and sister love you and your Mom so much that they'd never forgive me if I messed this up," he joked.
Noah laughed too. "Thanks Trev…" he hesitated, "I love you too, by the way."
"Its nice to hear you say it back," Trevor replied. "Well, Noah I have to go pay for some stuff for our family night, I wanna hear how that book is."
"Okay, cool. I'll see you later."
"Bye Noah."
/
Olivia carefully brushed out Kaci's hair. She enjoyed it, it was relaxing — it was times like this that she wished she had a daughter. The moments she'd spent with Kaci had made her feel a sense of longing. She knew that time was coming to a close and she was happy that her grandparents were going to be arriving shortly, but it was a little bittersweet. She used some hair wax to smooth everything through so that she could keep her braids in for as long as possible.
Olivia got Noah's help to separate the artificial hair and with Kaci holding her phone open on a YouTube tutorial, Olivia gave it a watch over her shoulder before beginning.
"I really hope this works," Olivia chuckled, "be patient, okay, Kace? This might take one or two goes."
"Its okay if it doesn't work, it's fun to try anyway."
Olivia used two very small clear elastics to hold two parts of Kaci's hair- two very, very thin little pig tails to start. She threaded the coloured hair between a tiny part in the thin pigtails, making the hair thick and long. Starting on Kaci's left side, she smoothed the artificial hair and sighed with relief. "So far so good."
Noah stood by her side and watched. "Mom, you're pretty good at this!," he exclaimed. "Kaci, it looks good!"
Around half way down her head, the hair became quite thick and a bit of a challenge to manage but she made it work. She continued the rest of the way down and had Noah pass her another hair elastic. She secured the braid in place and smiled at her own handiwork. "Wow, I should quit my job and do this for a living," she joked. "Kaci, you wanna see?"
"Yeah!, I wanna see."
Noah took a picture with his phone and showed her. Kaci wowed with amazement at the pastel pink and green hair woven thickly through her braids. "That actually looks better than when my cousin did it!" She laughed. "It's amazing Liv, thank you!"
"You're welcome, sweetie, let me do the other side. And above all else, at least you'll have your hair out of your eyes."
Liv went to work on the other side - it came a little easier given that she had found her confidence and she managed to get it down evenly. She fastened the braid down and took a small pair of nail scissors from her bag and trimmed the length of the artificial hair to match the ends of her actual hair.
"There we are, all down. Now we're back birthday fresh, beautiful hair, beautiful bracelet and I think when Mom gets better, I'll suggest a nice place for both of you to get your nails done."
"Thank you Liv, you're the best."
Olivia got up from the bed and discarded all the ends of the artificial hair and gave her a hug. "You're more than welcome, sweetheart."
Shortly after when Kaci's pain meds began to wear off and Olivia was considering asking the nurses for something for her, her grandparents walked in to the room. "Kaci!" Her grandmother raced to her granddaughter's side, tears filling her eyes, hugging her a little too hard until the girl yelped in pain.
"Careful, careful of her," her grandfather intervened. They both kissed and hugged her and apologised over and over for letting her father hurt her. Her grandparents finally realised Liv and Noah sitting to the side. Olivia got up and introduced herself, explaining that she had spoken to them a few days earlier. She introduced Noah and took her grandparents outside the room so that they could have a short discussion; they had very limited information about what happened.
"Noah, would you like your iPad back?" Kaci asked. She looked tired, as though she'd hit a wall and was exhausted and in pain.
"No Kaci, I want you to hold on to it until you leave the hospital and you can watch TV."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I have a computer and I can always use Trevor or Mom's if I was desperate to use it," he replied. "Are you happy your grandparents are here?"
"Yeah," she nodded. "Maybe I can go home to my apartment and clean it up for when Mom comes home."
"That'd be nice… you look like you're in pain, do you want me to tell a nurse or my Mom or something?," he asked, watching her wince each time she took a deep breath.
"No its okay, it just hurts on and off because of my ribs… but I'm fine…"
Once Olivia had finished debriefing Tara's parents, they went back inside the room and chatted politely to Noah and to their granddaughter.
"Noah, I think we should get going," Olivia told him, "we'll give Kaci some time to rest and talk to her grandparents."
"Okay Mom," Noah agreed. He gave Kaci a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek. She smiled at him.
"Thank you so much for my bracelet and my beautiful flowers— and my hair too. You both made my day."
"Oh honey, you are so welcome. We're glad we were able to help cheer you up. I might check in tomorrow but I'm gonna be keeping in contact with Grandma and Grandpa and they're going to tell me how you're going."
"Okay and if he feels like it, maybe Trevor could come back too?," she asked.
"I'll let him know you'd like to see him," she smiled. "I'm sure he'd love to hear that."
They said their goodbyes and left. Once outside, Olivia reported to the nurse that Kaci's pain relief had worn off. She put an arm around Noah and kissed his temple. "Let's go home and see what Trevor's got in store for us, huh?"
"Yeah…" Noah smiled. "I can't wait…"
