A/N: This plotline has had three sensitivity readers - a transmasc person, a transwoman, and an intersex person, all of whom are very active within trans spaces and conversation. I also consulted with an expert on trans history for what terms, thoughts, ideas, and treatments there were in 1993. This does mean that some terms and ideas used will be somewhat antiquated, but there will not be any hate speech or slurs.
This story also holds with the philosophy that you should use the pronouns a person requests, so Amanda's pronouns will stay she/her until she requests otherwise. Further, every person's story is different, so take care not to generalize this experience as every trans person's experience.
I'm well aware of the weight choosing to write such a plotline carries and the difficulty of walking the line between historically accurate and offensive. I have done my best to make it across that tightrope without falling, because representation is important, even if it's difficult to do. But if you do feel I have fallen off that tightrope somewhere, have crossed a line into something painful, please know and trust that it was not done to purposefully hurt anyone.
Professor Snape was not in his office. Hermione eventually managed to track him down with the help of the Bloody Baron – Snape had been playing Wizard's Chess with Professor Vector in the staff room. He had given Hermione and her little entourage of Amanda and Luna an annoyed look, but he'd allowed them in when Hermione pleaded that it was important, closing the door behind them.
"What," he said, returning to his chair and pinching the bridge of his nose tightly, "is so important that you must disturb me from one of the few restful respites I truly ever get?"
Professor Vector looked amused at Snape's irritation. Hermione hesitated.
"Sir," she said. "In the Special Lecture, recently – it was discussed how boys can't get into the girls' dorms—"
"There are to be no exceptions, Miss Granger," Snape cut in, his eyes flashing. "It is a flat ban."
"No, no, I know that," Hermione said hurriedly. "But—is there anywhere that boys can go in Hogwarts that a girl can't?"
Snape paused.
"Explain," he said.
Hermione faltered, trying to figure out how best to explain.
"Say you have a person," she said finally, struggling to find the words. "And this person can't climb the stairs to the girls' dormitory. That indicates Hogwarts thinks the person isn't a girl, right? But it doesn't necessarily mean Hogwarts thinks the person is a boy, does it?" She paused. "So… is there a place where that could be tested? The boys' dorms don't keep girls out, so we can't try there."
There was a subtle shift in the atmosphere of the room. Snape sat up straighter, exchanging a serious look with Professor Vector, who returned it. He lost his sense of exasperation, and both he and Professor Vector turned to face Hermione, affording her tiny group their full attention.
"Do you know of such a person, Miss Granger?" Snape asked neutrally.
Hermione bit her lip. "I'm just asking hypothetically, if there was any place to test—"
"So 'yes', then" Professor Vector said mildly, cutting her off. She glanced over at Snape. "The Quidditch Locker Rooms would suit your needs. Both are enchanted to keep the opposite sex out. Boys will not be able to get into the girls', and girls cannot get into the boys'."
"Really?" Amanda asked, her eyes going wide. She looked horrified a moment later. "I mean—um—that's interesting…"
An amused smile played around Vector's lips, but Snape was looking at Amanda oddly.
"I take it you are the one having this difficulty?" he asked.
"Umm," Amanda said. "Yes?" Her response sounded like a question.
Snape's eyes narrowed.
"Where have you been sleeping?" he demanded.
Amanda cowered. "W-what?"
Snape looked angry. Amanda shrank under his glare, but Hermione didn't really think it was Amanda he was mad at.
"It is six weeks into the term," he said, eyes glinting. "If you cannot climb the stairs still, now—"
"The Ravenclaw girls have been teasing her," Hermione volunteered, looking down at Amanda. Amanda looked up at her, squeezing her hand gratefully. "There's only four beds in the first-year girls' dorm this year. Amanda's been sleeping in the common room."
Both professors reacted at that; Snape looked livid, while Vector looked horrified.
"Where have you been showering?" she asked. "Changing your clothes?"
Hermione looked down at Amanda, encouraging. The first year took a deep breath.
"8th floor bathroom," Amanda admitted, her voice shaking. "The old one with the creaky pipes, by the portrait of Anne Boleyn. No one likes that one, so no one walks in on me or minds if I lock the door."
"Why has Professor Flitwick not seen to this?" Snape wanted to know. He looked furious. "He could have arranged for an additional bed to be put in the girls' dorm!"
Hermione blinked. "He can do that?"
Vector's eyes slid over to Hermione.
"He could," she said. "Heads of House have made similar arrangements in the past."
"Professor Flitwick didn't stay long the first night," Amanda said, biting her nails. "He told us to find our trunks and take them up the stairs. He gave a little speech about searching for truth and the staircase being the first steps of our journey of knowledge or something, and then he left." Amanda looked miserable as she remembered. "By the time I found my trunk, he had left, the older students had all gone to bed, and I kept falling down the stairs with the other girls laughing."
Hermione tried not to react - this was Amanda's story to tell - but it was hard. She was getting more distressed and upset the more Amanda talked, her heart going out to this poor first year.
"Flitwick didn't listen when I went to talk to him the next day," Amanda said. "I-I started to tell him about the girls teasing and not having a bed, but he just gave me some speech on how I should ignore bullies and focus on my own journey of magic and learning, and that they would just stop if I ignored them long enough."
Now Hermione felt mad. That had been the same useless advice she used to get from her muggle teachers - and it had never worked.
"I felt embarrassed after that," Amanda said quietly, sniffling. "So I just started sleeping in the common room, and staying in the library as long as I could..."
"Oh, child..." Vector's voice was full of sympathy and pain, and Hermione looked up from Amanda to her teachers.
Professor Vector looked empathetic, full of understanding and kindness. It was almost strange to see, really - she was always so direct and hard in class, that it was striking to see the difference now. Hermione supposed numbers didn't really evoke any emotion except frustration from time to time, so it made sense - but still, it was odd to see.
Professor Snape, however, looked livid.
His face was contorted up, like he was trying very hard not to show his anger but failing miserably. His eyes were flashing dangerously, and Hermione got the impression he was literally biting his tongue to hold himself back.
Hermione took a step to the side, shielding Snape from Amanda's view. Snape could be scary, especially to a first year.
"Is this... common?" Snape grit out.
Luna spoke up for the first time, tilting her head.
"Professor Flitwick doesn't really take bullying seriously," she said, her voice musical. "He thinks we should all just be nice to each other and focus on studying and reading our books. He thinks if we ignore it, the problem will go away."
"But it doesn't," Hermione said darkly, remembering the revenge the Slytherins had enacted for Luna the previous year.
"Well," Luna said, smiling slightly. "Not unless someone takes action."
Snape stood.
"I will speak to Professor Flitwick," he said stiffly. "He will—"
"No!" Amanda cried out. Her eyes flew to Snape's, begging. "Please! That will just make it worse!"
Snape halted, his eyes falling to Amanda's. "Miss Barrows—"
Amanda had started crying.
"I just want to figure out what's wrong with me," she said miserably. "If I'm not girl, but I'm not a boy either, then I really won't belong in Ravenclaw. And I don't want Professor Flitwick to mess with the beds only for it to turn out I really do belong in Hufflepuff."
Snape looked momentarily confused, and Hermine watched him with a flicker of amusement. Slytherins insulted each other by calling them Gryffindors; it took him a moment to figure out Ravenclaw had apparently chosen Hufflepuff as the least desirable house.
Hermione stepped closer to Amanda, resting a hand on her shoulder, and Amanda took it and wrapped it around herself in a sort of half-hug, burying her face in Hermione's shoulder to cry. Hermione shot a pleading look at her professors.
Professor Vector glanced at Professor Snape, whose face had shifted. It now looked blank and emotionless, like it was made of stone. Seeing something there, Professor Vector nodded and stood up.
"Would you like me to go down to the locker rooms with you?" Professor Vector's voice was kind, but matter-of-fact. "I expect you want to test your theory sooner rather than later, and curfew is soon."
Hermione glanced at Amanda encouragingly, squeezing her hand, and Amanda nodded slowly, rubbing the tears from her face. Hermione turned and nodded to Professor Vector.
"It'd be greatly appreciated, professor," she said. "Sorry for interrupting your evening."
"Not at all." Professor Vector stood gracefully. She withdrew her wand, and a wordless Lumos illuminated the tip. "Follow me."
It was blusteringly cold outside, wet and chilly, but the three girls followed the Professor down through the wet grass toward the Quidditch Pitch, determined. Hermione shivered hard against the wind, casting warming charms on the three of them and getting looks of gratitude from Luna and Amanda.
"Here." Professor Vector stopped at the small building near the side of the Quidditch pitch. "Girls' locker rooms are on the left, boys' are on the right." She paused a moment. "Do you have a control subject?"
Hermione immediately grasped her meaning. "Yes. Me." She withdrew her wand. "Lumos."
Determined, Hermione walked into the girls' locker room. She glanced around, seeing lockers and benches and showers along the walls. She mentally shrugged before walking back out, nodding to the others, before striding toward the boys'.
Immediately there was a difference – it felt as if she'd slammed into something solid, an odd glassy barrier of blobby magic appearing for a moment before fading again out of sight. Curious, Hermione tried again, extending a hand, and her hand stopped short, the barrier coming into sight again.
"I can't go any further," she said, stepping back. "It works."
Professor Vector glanced down at the others. "Ready?"
Amanda looked determined. "Okay."
Hermione returned to Luna's side as Amanda carefully stepped towards the locker rooms. After a few hesitant steps towards the girls', she was stopped at the entrance, a blobby, moving magical barrier shimmering into sight for a moment. Amanda gave Hermione a panicked look, but Hermione nodded encouragingly.
"It's okay. We expected that part," she said. "Now try the boys'."
She watched as Amanda squared up her shoulders, looking determined. She looked like she was preparing to fight a dragon or something, and Hermione wondered how she felt.
What if she wasn't let into this locker room either? How scared must she be, that she might be rejected by this room too.
Amanda stepped slowly towards the other locker room, taking one slow step at a time. She reached the place where Hermione had been stopped, and then took another step, and then one more. Her eyes went large as she suddenly ran the rest of the way into the little hallway, and Hermione could hear a yell echoing from inside the room itself, and Amanda came rushing back out.
"I—I did it!" she gasped. Her eyes were wild, flying from Hermione to Professor Vector to Hermione again. "But—what does that mean?"
"Your magic is that of a boy," Hermione told her.
"But how?" Amanda wanted to know. "That doesn't make sense."
Hermione didn't know the science behind being born in the wrong body in the muggle world, only that it just happened sometimes. And she didn't really want to explain the muggles' theory about souls…
"Maybe your father was cursed," she made up on the spot. "And the curse said that he'd never be borne an heir to his name, damning his children to all be girls. And if you were supposed to be his firstborn son, the heir of the Barrows name, the curse warped you in your mother's womb, turning your body from a boy into a girl instead, but your magic stayed true to you."
Amanda's eyes grew very wide.
"My Dad has a very bad temper," she breathed. "And he used to go out in dodgy places, my Mum said. He could have pissed off an angry warlock very easily."
"Well," Hermione said, shrugging uncomfortably. "Then maybe that's what happened."
Amanda's eyes were very large. Hermione wondered what she was thinking, what was running through her mind.
"But—if I'm supposed to be a boy," Amanda said, her voice wobbling, "does that mean we can break the curse? And I can be a proper boy then, if we do?"
"Oh, child…" Professor Vector's was filled with sympathy, and she extended a hand to Amanda. "Come here."
Amanda hesitantly moved into Professor Vector's arms, and Hermione watched as her Arithmancy professor rubbed her back, hugging Amanda gently. Professor Vector was so tall, the first year was practically swallowed up by her robes, in a sort of comforting cocoon. Her empathy for Amanda was palpable, and it was new to see - Professor Vector was always so no-nonsense in Arithmancy, and to see her being soft and showing emotion in this way was new.
"I never felt like a girl. Never wanted to be a girl." Amanda's voice was muffled in Vector's robes. "I always felt like I was supposed to be a boy. I want to break the curse. Please can we break it? Everything would be better, then."
"There are things that can be done," Vector told Amanda. "It will get better. There are people who can help, once you are grown—"
Amanda pulled back from the Arithmancy professor quickly, her eyes wild.
"I have to wait to grow up first?!" Amanda asked, her voice panicked. "Can't we break it now?"
"We can look into this 'curse' for you," Hermione reassured Amanda quickly, glancing at Professor Vector. "We can try to break it. But even if we can't, there are other things that can be done to help you."
"There are?"
"Magic is very powerful," Hermione pointed out. "We can go and speak to Professor Snape again. We can ask if there's a potion he can teach you to make to stop your puberty, a potion to stop your body from maturing further into a girls' – which you don't want, right?"
"No." Amanda was still upset, but her voice was decisive on this. "I don't want breasts."
"Well, this would help stop that," Hermione assured her. "And we can figure out where to go from there."
Professor Vector was giving Hermione a sharp look, but Hermione shrugged hopelessly. She didn't know if such potions existed in the magical world, but even if they didn't, she was sure they could be made. If the muggles could do it with science, surely it could be replicated it with magic?
And if Hermione could use a ritual to force herself to get a period, she was sure there were other rituals that could help with things such as these. It didn't make sense to make Amanda wait years for things to get better.
"I'll have to write my parents," Amanda said, her voice wobbly. "My Dad is going to be really mad, to learn I was supposed to be a boy and wasn't because he was cursed."
"We'll deal with that when we come to it," Vector said gently. "Meanwhile, it's past curfew, and tonight has already been quite the night, hasn't it? Let's all go back up to the castle."
Amanda went back up towards the castle, still holding Professor Vector's hand as she asked question after question. Hermione lingered behind a bit, watching and listening, Luna silently walking up next to Hermione.
"You seemed to know exactly what was going on there," Luna said mildly.
Hermione sighed, her shoulders slumping.
"Kind of?" she winced. "It's a thing in the muggle world, I know – people being born into the wrong bodies. I have an aunt – she knows more about this sort of thing, so I might write her…"
"So there are people born into the right body, and people born into the wrong body," Luna observed. "Are some people born into both bodies?"
Hermione glanced over at her, but it was hard to tell Luna's expression in the dark. "Like, your soul is split with a fraternal twin?"
"No," Luna said. "Like someone is a girl and a boy at the same time. Someone who could go into either locker room and not be stopped by either."
Luna's tone was mild and betrayed no flicker of emotion, but something niggled at the back of Hermione's mind nevertheless. Hermione had been watching Amanda and Professor Vector and talking with them – had Luna tried to go into the locker rooms too, without making a fuss?
Hermione was careful to keep her voice even.
"I think so," she said neutrally. "I don't know much about it. I think they're called hermaphrodites? But I don't know much about that either." She glanced at Luna. "Do you think I should ask my aunt about that, too?" she asked. "Just in case?"
"It might help," Luna said. Her voice was even. "It'll help us get a better idea of the whole scope of all this, I think."
They continued up toward the castle, careful not to slip on the wet grass.
"You know, Luna," Hermione said. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Hermione could see Luna's soft smile in the flickering torchlight of the castle as they approached, though her eyes were on the ground.
"I know, Hermione," Luna said. "I know."
As they split to go to their different dormitories, Hermione reflected that she would have to be content with that. Luna might be hiding secrets, but who wasn't? And something like that was bound to feel terribly tangled up and embarrassing and mortifying to admit to anyone else.
If Luna wanted to tell her anything, Luna would tell her in her own time, and Hermione would need to trust in that.
