Hi everyone, i thought i should post this today as Ive been crash tackled by covid and can barely concentrate long enough to do much of anything so... here it is... the other side of the cliff from my last chapter. would love to hear your feed back. if u see any mistakes, no u didnt, i wrote the last few pages in my covid fog. thanks for reading x
"What happened?" Trevor asked, looking concerned. "He hasn't wanted to come out of his room all afternoon?"
"I don't know," Olivia frowned, "I asked Hannah to try to talk to Adam and find out what happened."
"Want me to try to talk to him?" Trevor asked.
"Yeah, give it a go but … I don't think he wants to talk, something hurt his feelings, Trev, He was really sobbing when I got in."
Trevor drew in a deep breath and headed down the hall and knocked on the bedroom door before opening it slowly. "Please don't come in," Noah called out.
"Noah, it's me, I'm really worried."
He found Noah curled up in a ball in bed facing the wall, his arm up covering his face. Trevor let himself in slowly, sitting down behind him on the edge of his bed. "C'mon Sunshine, you always talk to me…" he placed a hand on his shoulder.
Noah said nothing. "I can't. I don't want to talk about it."
"Whatever it is, I can see you're really hurting, kiddo and that really upsets Mom and I, we don't want you to be hurting like this. Did Adam do or say something to cause this? We have to know, we can protect you-"
"Adam didn't do anything," Noah replied tearfully, wiping his cheeks. "Its me, I'm an idiot, I did the wrong thing and I don't want to talk about it, I can't."
"What is the worst thing you think might happen if you tell me?," Trevor asked him.
Noah shrugged his touch away. "Please just leave me alone," he broke down again, sobbing.
Trevor was alarmed at just how distraught Noah was. "Oh, kiddo, I love you, Mom loves you, you don't have to talk about it right now," he eased up, "but we're here for you, no matter what it is."
Noah didn't respond, he buried his face in his pillow and cried. Trevor sat in silence with him for a few moments, wanting to hug him or comfort him somehow but every time he touched him Noah shrugged him away. "I'm going to give you some time to calm down. Would you like me to bring Ruby in here for some cuddles?"
Noah nodded silently.
"K…"
/
Olivia looked up to find Trevor looking worried, "I don't know what happened but I don't think I've ever seen him so upset, Liv, I'm worried. I might phone Adam and see if I can talk to him myself."
"I think I'll go and give him a hug…"
"I asked him if he wanted me to bring Ruby in for a cuddle and he said yes, so… maybe take her with you."
Trevor picked up his phone and went through his contacts, making his way to their bedroom so that Noah wouldn't overhear a conversation. Within a few rings, Adam picked up. "Hi Coach…"
"Hey kiddo, how are you doing?"
"I'm okay, is Noah okay? I tried to call and text him but his phone is off…"
"Oh? Okay, Adam, I'm calling because I just got home and Noah's in his room and he's … really upset, distraught, even and Olivia and I are really worried about him. Are you able to tell me what happened?"
There was some silence for a moment, "Coach, I think it's really personal to Noah and it's not my place to tell his business."
"I appreciate that, Adam, but his business is my business and his Mom's business."
"Noah is my best friend - he's not in any danger, no one got physically hurt, but this is something that he needs to tell you guys about when he's ready. I'm really sorry, I respect you and Olivia so much and even my Mom who's mad at me now too because I won't tell her, but I'm just being a good friend and I think it's what Noah would want me to do…"
"So you guys didn't have a fight? No physical altercation?"
"Not really. Noah just told me something personal and… I guess he regretted it and bolted before I could say anything. I'm worried about him too, he wasn't acting like himself all day today…"
Trevor was frustrated with the teen but could at least respect his loyalty. "Ok Adam. Thanks for letting me know. If you have a change of heart, please call me back."
"K… thanks Coach." Trevor put his phone down.
/
Olivia didn't care that Noah protested her presence, she wasn't going to leave him alone to sob his heart out the way that she found him, alone in whatever pain he was going through. She felt her own eyes filling with tears of helplessness and her own hurt of being locked out of his heart and locked out of whatever was eating him away; not being able to fix it for him.
She laid down beside him and wrapped her arms around him. "I don't want to talk!" he snapped.
"You don't have to talk, sweetie, I'm just going to be here for you… I don't want you to feel alone…" she wrapped an arm around him, holding on to him tightly as Ruby jumped on to his bed and squeezed in between her son and his bedroom wall. Noah reached up to find his Mom's hand and took it, trying so hard to stop his tears. He felt like he'd just been freed, but with the freedom of who he really was, were the ramifications that it would cause; that it had already caused in that split second, in that stupid, stupid decision, tricked in to thinking that Adam could have actually felt the same.
"Noah, I love you more than anything else in this world, seeing you like this is gutting me. I don't need you to tell me what happened right now, but I really need you to know that nothing you could ever tell me would make me love you less," she told him quietly, stroking his curls.
He said nothing but she felt his body shuddering from all the crying he'd been doing for what surely felt like hours.
She snuggled in to her son and closed her eyes tightly, hoping he would calm down and talk to her, but if not, she would just stay with him until he started to feel better.
/
About 8 O'clock when everyone was in the living room watching TV, Noah had a shower and tried to make himself feel better. He grabbed a drink of water and some crackers. He could feel his face was swollen from the level of upset he felt. He'd turned his phone off and when he switched it back on there was a barrage of messages from Adam and Ryan and notifications from Kaci.
He felt a heavy cloak of guilt. He wanted to tell Kaci before Adam had the chance. He was almost too scared to open any of the messages in case he'd already got to her. He stood in the kitchen slowly eating dry crackers over the sink, scrolling through messages from Kaci before daring to open Adams.
Noah, everyone is asking me what happened and my Mom is mad at me, I'm pretty sure coach is mad too. I dont know what to tell them.
He couldn't bear to read the rest of them so he scrolled to the bottom and typed out a text. I'm sorry. Please don't say anything to Kaci, let me be the one to tell her that I fucked up and let her hear it from me so she can hate me and not you. I won't bother you again. Tell everyone what you want, I know you're going to anyway.
He muted his chat with Adam so he would no longer see notifications. He texted Kaci. Sorry Kace, it's been a big day. Can I come and see you tomorrow? I was wondering if we could go for a little walk…
As usual her reaction times were speedy.
Sure, I can only do the morning, is that okay? I miss your face
Each bite of the cracker was making him feel more and more nauseous as his conscience ate at him.
That's fine, I'll come past your house at 9, is that okay or is that too early?
Another message came through. 9 is okay, is everything alright? You seem off.
He drew in a deep breath throwing the other half of the cracker in to the trash feeling like he might vomit. I'm fine, just exhausted and had a weird day. Talk to you tomorrow, Mom's making me turn my phone off now. X
He felt bad lying, but he didn't want to go in to it. He glanced up as Georgie came in. "Hi sweetheart, good to see you out of your room," she smiled warmly at him.
"Hi…" he replied, sipping on his drink. He wanted to escape back there and avoid everyone but he was conscious of being rude. He returned a weak smile. She switched the jug on.
"Would you like some tea, my love?," she asked him.
"No thanks, I feel a bit off in my stomach," he replied quietly.
Georgie came to his side and put an arm around him, giving him a little gentle squeeze. "Peppermint tea is good for a sick tummy." He felt grateful for his family, but it was a lot. He felt responsible for upsetting everyone else too. The vibe in the house was off, everyone was quiet and concerned for him and it made him feel terrible, but he didn't know how else to be.
"I think I'll probably just go back to my room and try to sleep," he murmured.
"Okay, I hope that you'll have a wonderful sleep and in the morning you'll feel a lot better and be able to have a clearer mind."
"Thanks…" he grabbed his water bottle and headed back down the hall toward his bedroom, turning his phone back off again. He got beneath the covers and waited for Ruby to get comfortable beside him. He turned his iPad on and went through his Disney app to watch The Simpsons hoping that he could concentrate on it to sleep.
Sensing his upset, all night, Ruby snuggled in as close as she could, resting her warm, curly haired face upon his shoulder. Noah turned to face her and kissed her snout. "You'll never judge me, will you, girl?"
She stared at him with her big, chocolate eyes. He adored her. He was able to smile briefly. He kissed her again and slipped an arm over her. He breathed a deep sigh and pressed play on the episode.
He heard his door open and his Mom step in with Trevor behind her. "Hey honey," she murmured. "You didn't say goodnight."
"Sorry," Noah replied, not bothering to open his eyes.
"Its okay," Olivia responded, taking a seat on his bed. Trevor pulled out the desk chair and sat down. "Hey, I just need to talk to you for a second before you go to sleep, k? Dad too."
"I don't want to talk, Mom, please…" Noah rose his voice a little out of frustration.
"You don't have to talk, just listen," Trevor told him quietly.
He heaved a sigh. "Can't you both leave it alone? I don't want to cry, I feel stupid enough as it is, I just want to be left alone."
"Noah, please," Olivia broke first, her eyes spilling over with tears, "I have never seen you this upset before and I'm really worried about you and I can't deal with not knowing why you're hurting."
Noah wiped his eyes, hating the sound of his Mom's voice breaking. "All those times I saw you breaking down over something or another and not once did you ever offer me an explanation, I just had to endure it, I had to go and sit in my room and pray that whatever it was that was breaking your heard would be over soon because it was awful and traumatic to see my Mom like that…"
Olivia wiped her eyes.
"Noah that's not-" Trevor cut in.
"Its not true? How would you know? Mom knows its true," Noah snapped.
"I know you're upset right now," Olivia told him slowly, "but I'm not your punching bag. I love you, sweetheart, we both love you so much."
Noah slowly sat up, feeling terrible. He slipped his arms around Olivia and hugged her. "I'm sorry," he apologised. She glanced at Trevor as she held her son, letting him snuggle in to her. He began to cry again and the pain and hurt he was feeling was torturing her and Trevor could tell that she was hardly holding it together.
She stroked his hair. "Maybe do you think when you wake up tomorrow, you might be in a better place to talk?," Trevor asked.
"I don't know…" his voice trailed off. "I'm sorry Mom, I don't mean to make you upset, and I don't mean to be this way, to have caused all this …" he struggled for the right words, "all this bullshit in your life."
She let the swear word pass. "I don't know what you're talking about, sweetie, you only bring the best things to my life."
"You won't think that forever…" he murmured, holding on to her tightly for as long as he could. He wondered how long it would take before they found out the truth; before they felt revolted by his presence and their love for him waned because he was everything that Elliot had feared he would be; maybe Elliot saw it in him first, Noah knew it deep down even if he had tried so hard to lock it away even back as far as when he was only young.
He knew he was different and Elliot had only encouraged him to hide it but deep down, Elliot probably knew the truth and that was ultimately where his hatred stemmed from - his unwillingness to accept Noah.
Both Trevor and Olivia were baffled. Olivia turned her head and kissed his cheek. "Noah, whatever is going on, you can come and wake us up in the night if you need to, or you can come to us with whatever. I hope you'll feel comfortable to talk to one of us tomorrow…"
"K," he murmured. He slowly let go of Olivia who stood up and allowed Trevor some space to talk to him.
Trevor took a seat and hugged him tightly. He kissed the top of his head. "I love you, kiddo. I always thought it might be a stretch if I met someone in the future and they had kids; that it might be hard to feel the same way about their kids as they do, but its not hard to love you, you're a wonderful person, Noah benson and I love the person that you are and the person that you're going to grow up to be, nothing will change that…"
"You won't say that forever," Noah retorted. "I'm scared of everyone hating me… you and Mom too, but especially you."
"I don't understand, Noah, you have to tell us and we can assure you that nothing will make us hate you, not a thing…"
Noah pulled away and wiped his face. "Maybe tomorrow…" he said, taking a deep breath. "I love you both…"
Trevor resigned that Noah had no intention of explaining himself. They were forced to leave him with it.
/
"Oh honey…" Georgie saw Olivia's face as she came in to the kitchen as distraught as Noah had felt. She opened up her arms and hugged her warmly. Olivia reciprocated, relishing the comfort of a maternal figure who she had quickly and swiftly become very comfortable with. "Noah will be okay, it will pass and he will probably share it with you if its serious but we know what teens are like, all those big feelings."
"I know," Liv wept, "its just that my kid doesn't keep big stuff from me…"
"He's growing up, Liv, Noah is a very good and honest kid, I can't imagine its as bad as he thinks it is," Trevor told her gently, giving her back an affectionate rub as he pulled away from Georgie. She nodded and sniffed.
"Why don't you hop in to bed?," he suggested.
"I won't be able to sleep. I'm gonna just go lay on the couch," Olivia told them both.
"Okay baby, I'll bring you a blanket…"
"Thanks," she murmured.
/
Noah got up early and brushed his teeth and had a shower, hoping to escape the house without having to face his parents or Georgie and Patrick. Unfortunately, Lexi threw a spanner in the works by screaming the house down as he was getting out of the shower.
"Hey kiddo, how are you going this morning?" Trevor asked, holding the baby and microwaving her some milk. She held her arms out for a cuddle. Noah took her from Trevor and held her close, rocking her a little. "I'm okay," he replied in monotone. "I'm going to go for a run in a minute. Can you let Mom know when she wakes up?"
"Yeah, try not to go too far okay?"
"I still don't want to talk about it," he told Trevor bluntly.
Trevor scratched his face trying not to show his frustration as he waited for the bottle to warm. "Okay. Are you feeling any better about it today though?"
"No," Noah replied. "I just want to go and run."
Trevor took the bottle out of the microwave and tested it. He took Lexi back from him. "Okay, before you go, I want you to go and stick your head in the living room for a moment and think about how concerned we are."
Noah didn't say a word. He made his way to the next room, looking in to the living room. He saw his Mom curled up in to a ball with a blanket wrapped tightly around her. Noah tried not to let his emotions catch up with him. Before he could process it, he turned his back, hating that he'd have to pass his Dad before going to his room.
"Your Mom didn't come to bed last night because she couldn't sleep. She stayed up all night crying on and off and watching TV hoping that you might come and talk to her…"
Noah didn't say a word. He tried his best to block out everything Trevor was trying to tell him. "I'm going for my run now," he announced as if he hadn't heard a word.
/
He went to his room and pulled his sneakers on and grabbed his cell phone and headed out, leaving Ruby asleep on his bed. Noah put his headphones on and made his way to the park and headed right down to the walking path. The weather was gorgeous and it was already warming up. He didn't want to run, he just wanted to get out of the house so that everyone would stop harassing him.
He tried to process what he would tell Kaci — how betrayed she would feel and if Adam didn't tell everyone he'd ever come in to contact with, she probably would. Regardless of how the cards fell, his life was over. He just couldn't see how he could come back from it — how he would ever face school again.
Everything felt bleak and his emotions started getting the best of him. He paced the running circle, staying just off the path and out of people's way. He took long deep breaths and turned his music up even louder to drown out his own thoughts.
As it neared 9am, he made his way to Kaci's apartment. He knew it looked exactly like he'd been crying all night so he was reluctant to meet her upstairs. He could only hope that Adam hadn't got to her yet. He texted her to let her know he would wait by her apartment block.
It seemed like forever before he watched her step out of her building. She looked cute in her black tights and pink Cinnamonroll T-shirt. Her hair was braided neatly back. For a brief moment, he swelled with warmth for her. She grinned to see him, moving faster to get closer.
"Hiii!"
"Hey Kace…"
She gave him the once over, noticing that his hands never left his pockets — that he didn't motion to hug her or even kiss her or offer her one of her favourite smiles. When she appraised him closer she saw the puffiness beneath his eyes and the redness to them. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"I just need us to talk," he told her.
"Are you okay? Did something bad happen?," she asked, worried.
He shrugged. "Maybe…" she reached for his hand, pulling it from his pocket with a little bit of force.
Reluctantly, he let her take his hand as they moved across the road and back to the park. "You look so sad, is your Mom and the babies okay?"
"Yeah, they're fine… just… can we wait til we're sitting down?," he asked, his eyes welling up. He knew immediately that Kaci saw his tears. He reached up and paused, holding his eyes for a moment as if he was trying to push the water back inside them.
"Noah whatever it is, it'll be okay…." She promised.
He was getting tired of hearing those words from everyone - it wasn't going to be okay and as they got closer to the benches in the park, he felt himself shaking a little. How was he going to tell her? He was so terrified of her reaction.
He felt her squeeze his hand tightly. He wiped his eyes and said nothing, blinking back more tears. "I'm sorry that I'm so… upset… fuck…" he swore, frustrated with himself, looking away.
"Its okay," she told him softly, "I don't mind."
They sat down on the bench in silence for a few moments. Kaci folded her legs and turned to face him. "Tell me what's wrong…"
He glanced at her and she watched his eyes fill up. "I don't want you to hate me," he whispered.
"I won't…" she shook her head. "I promise."
He wiped his eyes and tried to compose himself. "Have you spoken to Adam today or last night?"
She shook her head, "No, is he okay?"
"I don't know… I haven't seen him since I left his house yesterday," Noah replied. "I thought he might call you or text you or Katie or something. It doesn't matter."
"I love you and care about you so much, Kace, you're my absolute best friend and the only person I've ever told everything to…" he told her, "and I never want to lose you but I understand if you hate me for what I want to say."
She watched him carefully, feeling upset for him; she could feel his emotions and it was making her sad. "Tell me…" she prompted him.
"I don't think I can be your boyfriend… I wanted to be, I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend and I wanted to be the best boyfriend ever…"
Kaci didn't say a word. Noah had expected something from her, some reaction - sadness or upset or even anger but her expression showed nothing.
"I haven't told anyone else this and I'm praying, begging, wishing… whatever… that you'll keep it to yourself but if you don't I'll understand…"
Finally she showed a little sadness, "Noah, its okay, I'll never hate you. I still don't hate you…. Just tell me…"
"I think …" he looked down and let go of her hand, burying his face in his hands, distraught, knowing that once he said the words out loud there was no going back. "I think I'm …"
He wiped his eyes and glanced back up at her. "I think I like guys…"
"Oh," she murmured. "You think you're gay?"
"I don't know… maybe— I mean," he paused, "I liked kissing you, I liked holding your hand and… I dunno, I feel so fucking awful."
"Noah, can I tell you something?," she started.
He nodded.
"I'm not ready for a boyfriend. I like you and I like kissing you too, but I don't have crazy romantic feelings that I think I'm supposed to have about it when we kiss… I was a little scared that you'd ask me to be your girlfriend because I just like things the way they are, just being bestfriends—who kiss sometimes. But… I'm even okay with not kissing you. I feel like I was kissing you because it was expected and because I wanted to feel a bit grown up but… it wasn't truly what I care about."
"You're not hurt?," he asked softly.
"No, not unless all those kid things you said to me about being cute or whatever were lies."
"They're not lies."
She shrugged, "then I'm not hurt. Noah, why do you think I'm going to hate you for liking guys? So what? You like guys. I hope you find a super hot boyfriend when you're ready for that…"
Noah let out a sob of relief. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him. "I hate myself so much," he blurted out. She let him cry, hugging him, "I love you, you're my best friend too, Noah, I don't hate you and I never will. I don't care if you love aliens, or even old ladies, nothing would make me change how I feel, it'd just mean I'd have to keep my Grandma away from you…"
He finally laughed with relief.
She pulled away and looked at his face. She opened her little cross-body purse and found a tiny little bag of Kleenex. "Here…"
"Thanks…"
She gave him some space to blow his nose and dab at his eyes. "I was with Adam yesterday and … I realised that I've been crushing on him for so long and I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, but I tried to tell him and then I just couldn't say the words, so I kissed him."
"Oh, Noah…" she murmured, surprised. "What did he do?"
Noah stared at his sneakers for a moment trying to collect himself to tell her. "For a second I thought he was about to kiss me back but he freaked out and … I was so humiliated and felt so stupid that I just straight out the door and went home and I've been in bed with my phone off ever since but I wanted to talk to you because I'm sure he is going to tell everyone."
Before Kaci could say something, Noah cursed out loud. "He's gonna tell everyone …I just don't want to exist, I hate this."
"Don't you think if he was going to tell everyone he would have told me first? I mean, if he was after revenge?"
"I don't know…" Noah sighed. "My Mom and Dad are beside themselves with worry but I know if I tell them things will never be the same… Dad will hate me just like Elliot did."
"Being gay is a dumb reason to hate someone and if Trevor hated you for that, then I hope your Mom leaves him and she probably would. She loves you Noah and nothing will ever change that."
"How am I gonna tell her?," he asked, "how can I tell her… she's going to be so disappointed and hurt… I'd just rather her find out from me before the whole school talks and Dad finds out and tells her… I couldn't deal with that," he rambled.
"I could come and help you talk to her…"
"No…" he shook his head and took out his phone, "I mean… look… look at all of her messages."
Kaci stared at the few she'd sent him already. "Noah, please go home and talk to her, you were so scared about talking to me and I genuinely can tell you that I don't care about you any less than I did 20 minutes ago. I still think you're the nicest guy I've ever met and I still want to be your best friend and I am still gonna harass you all the time over text and I will never ever tell anyone that you're gay or that you think you might be, that is not my story to share — not even if we ever end up hating one another."
This time he pulled her close to him and hugged her. "At least I have one person in this world who won't leave my side. Thank you, Kace… for being understanding and kind and not mad at me."
"You know, you're a kind person, Noah benson and you taught me a lot about being accepting and treating people gently, that's the best thing about you and you only get what you give out… I love you and I think you should let me walk you home to talk to your Mom. When I saw you and saw how upset you were, I was worried so I can't imagine how she must feel…"
"I don't want you walking back from my place alone… I'll take you back to yours and then I'll go home and avoid them for as long as I can."
"At least reply to her message and tell her you're walking with me and will be home soon and you're OK."
"But I'm not okay," he murmured. "I don't think it'll ever be okay again."
"It will be, I know it feels like it won't be, but it will… please trust me on that. Things will always work out even if it's not how you want it to…or how you expect it to."
She got up first and reached for his hand. "And hey, I wouldn't be so quick to assume the worst of Adam."
"No, guys are not like girls when it comes to this stuff, Kace… he will never speak to me again, I know it."
They walked slow back to her apartment and Kaci prompted him once again to text his Mom back. Finally he gave in.
/
"Noah just texted me," Olivia announced to Trevor. She couldn't help but feel a little relieved that Trevor's parents had decided to go and do a little sightseeing and shopping as it wasn't very often they got to the city and the first time that Trevor had very much welcomed them.
I'm okay Mom, I'm just with Kaci. I just wanted to see her after my walk this morning and I'll be heading home in about 15 minutes, I'm just walking her home. Love you so much.
She showed Trevor the message. "Good, honey, I'm glad he texted you back. Maybe he went to talk to Kaci about everything, she seems to be a good sounding board for him."
"I don't know, I think … the level of upset he was or is, baby, I don't see how another barely 14 year old is going to be able to help him."
True to his word though, Noah was home shortly after his message. He came in and turned his cell phone off and put his earphones on his bed and went out to see his Mom. She looked like she hadn't moved much. "Hi honey…"
"Hi Mom, you don't look very well…"
"She's having a bad nausea day," Trevor supplied.
"How are you babe?, how is Kaci?," she wanted to know. He just shrugged, "Okay, I guess. I'm gonna get changed and maybe I'll come out here and lay on the couch with you guys if that's okay."
"Of course it is," Trevor told him, happy that he wasn't about to lock himself in his own room for the rest of the day. "Mom and I would love that…"
"Is Lexi actually asleep?" Noah asked with mock-disbelief. He was trying, he was trying so hard to be brave and trying not to cry or make his Mom any more worried than she already was. He didn't want to add to her nausea; if she saw him smile then maybe she would relax; maybe her nausea would go away.
"Yeah, let's not get too excited she will be in there recharging so that when she wakes up she'll be ready to party like an animal," Trevor joked.
Noah gave a laugh but it sounded strange to himself; as if it had come out of someone else's mouth. The situation felt unfamiliar as though he was both present and absent at the same time; he couldn't stop the thoughts from racing through his mind. He just turned out of the room and went to find a change of clothes.
/
"Does he seem okay to you?" Olivia asked Trevor.
"I think he's pretending because he knows we're upset and he's trying to make us feel better, that's what this kid is like, he is saving everyone else's feelings but his own, Liv… I don't know what's going on, but I'm hoping he'll trust us to talk about it soon…"
"Me too," she sighed.
She sat up once Noah had come back. "Its okay Mom, you can lay there…"
"No babe. If you're like me, you probably had no sleep last night either," she remarked and she was right about that. Noah had had the worst, most disrupted sleep. He sat down beside her and sighed.
"I slept okay," he lied. "Anyway, what are we watching?"
"I suggested to Mom that we might watch some Simpsons episodes with you… why don't you tell us your favourite one?" Trevor informed him.
"Oh, I know Mom doesn't like it, we don't have to."
"No, you play your favourite one, sweetie, I might change my mind," she replied but they both know she was just being nice. Still, Noah played along. Noah rested his head on his Mom's shoulder and felt her lifting her arm and slipping it around him.
Noah took the remote and put his favourite episode on, watching it felt good — he was able to concentrate on it and numb his mind a little. He felt his Mom stroking his hair and let his eyes close; he'd barely slept all night and crying and it had made him feel exhausted.
"How was Kaci?," Olivia asked him.
"Good," he replied.
"Well if your soul is real, where is it? Oh its kinda in here, and when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape, saying bless you, crams it back in!" Noah recited the lines beneath his breath.
"Noah are you mouthing the lines?" Trevor asked with a laugh.
"Yeah… sorry."
"That is a sign that you've watched it way too many times," he chuckled.
"He gets it from me, you have a comfort show and then a handful of comfort episodes that you just listen to over and over while you're trying to relax or calm down."
"Yeah that," Noah added in monotone. He let his eyes close and let out a slow sigh.
He felt Olivia kissing his hair. "Enjoy your show, sweetheart," she added.
It wasn't long before she felt him growing heavy, realising that her son was sleeping. She turned to Trevor, "he's asleep, I think… can you check?"
Trevor leaned forward and nodded, "yeah, he's sleeping… must have been awake all night. I got up in the middle of the night and his lamp to check on Lexi and his light was on," he remarked, "poor thing, wonder whats going on in his head…"
"Your guess is as good as mine and its breaking my heart," Liv replied, resting her cheek on her son's head.
Trevor took Liv's hand, threading his fingers through hers; "I love you, and just as I said to Noah, it'll be okay, whatever it is, we'll eventually get to the bottom of it and it'll be okay."
She nodded slow knowing that she was right, but it was upsetting her that she couldn't know already.
/
Trevor looked at his phone as he rocked Lexi to sleep and saw a text from his sister. Olivia came in, setting a drink down for them and herself and sat back down beside his father and put her arms out for Lexi. "I can take her…"
Trevor passed her over, "Mommy's gonna take you now, bubba," he told his toddler with a little smile, watching her rub her eyes.
He glanced at the text, Hey, so how long are Mom and Dad staying? Mom wouldn't give me a specific answer and I need to figure out what Im going to do with the girls.
Trevor made a face and turned to his father. "Hey, Dad, when Raia works, does Mom babysit every day?"
"A lot of days, but not all days…" Patrick replied, "why?"
"I'm just curious — does she ever use daycare or a babysitter? What if Mom wants to go out or has plans?"
"Well…" Patrick shrugged, "honestly, I've had this discussion with your mother too, you know how much we love those little girls but your mother will never say no and will put aside everything for them."
"Between you and I, Dad, I think Raia with me because you guys are here and not at home to babysit."
Patrick laughed. "She's gonna have to get used to it, son, because we have two other grand children that we also want to spend time with sometimes. Leave your sister to me, its nothing for you to worry about," Patrick told his son knowing exactly what Raia could be like and how easily she steam-rolled her brother if she was given an inch.
"Okay," Trevor replied. He opened up the text, I don't know, I'm certainly not going to kick them out though, I'm enjoying seeing them and the kids are happy hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa.
Olivia saw the message before he pressed send and grimaced, thinking that possibly there would be another argument. She gave him a look, not wanting to tell him off in front of his father.
"What!?," he asked in a whisper, "I'm not playing the game," he added.
Liv rolled her eyes deciding not to get involved. "I'm gonna go put little miss down and check in on Noah before he goes to sleep," she announced.
"Okay, want some help?" Trevor asked, putting his phone down.
"Nah, we're okay," she smiled. "Goodnight Daddy, goodnight Grandpa…" she prompted Lexi who sleepily waved at them. Olivia smiled as Trevor kissed his daughter and Patrick blew her a kiss.
She went and slotted Lexi beneath her covers and tucked her in. She sat on the edge of the bed and patted her back while she drank her bottle. She watched Lexi drop the bottle causing her to stir. She went back to sleep instantly much to Olivia's relief.
She picked up the bottle and took it with her as she made her way out of the bedroom. She set it on the kitchen counter and continued down the hall to Noah's room.
She could hear music playing and opened the door, knowing that there was no way that he would hear her knock. She found him on his bed cuddling Ruby, staring up at the ceiling with tears silently streaking down the sides of his face. She'd never seen her boy so sad. She made her way in to the bedroom. Noah looked up and saw her. He wiped his eyes quickly, startled by her presence.
She closed his bedroom door behind her and made her way over to him. He slowly sat up and pulled the headphones off his head timidly.
"Can you move over a little so I can sit?," she asked softly.
Noah didn't say a word; he felt the same trembling fear he'd felt when he knew he had to talk to Kaci; the unknown, the disassociation of the words coming from his mouth that felt wrong and otherly; destroying the character to show who he really was beneath it all; the person who sometimes intersected between an act and sincerity.
It was time, he couldn't stand how torn up his Mom was.
"Thanks…" she murmured.
Noah moved toward the wall, sitting up until he was leaning against the head of his bed, stirring a sleeping Ruby. As if inconvenienced, the curly-haired dog breathed a sigh, shifting until she was half laying across Noah's lap protectively. She glanced from Olivia to Noah before yawning and closing her eyes again.
"I think Dad lost his dog to you, what do you think?," Olivia asked as she got comfortable beside Noah, stretching her legs out in front of her just as he did.
"She doesn't judge, she just loves…" his voice trailed off.
"Honey, please tell me… whatever it is, I don't have to tell anyone else, it can stay between you and I. I'm really scared for you because I know it's something big for you to be this upset and the idea of you dealing with it alone is so heartbreaking." It was her last ditch effort, if he chose not to open up to her, she didn't know what else she could do. She tried not to let herself feel hurt that he was shutting her out, choosing to put her own ego aside.
However, the other part of her felt bruised because she was the one who managed to extricate even the most horrific confessions out of people; not only that, but she was the one that people turned to when they needed to share something with because they trusted her implicitly.
It seemed ironic that her own son didn't trust her enough to admit what was holding his heart for ransom.
"I'm really scared to tell you…" his voice broke, "it's going to change everything and you might not love me the same…"
He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands.
"Promise that won't be the case," she murmured. "Close your eyes and take a deep breath and just say the words, I can handle it, it's my vow as a mother who loves her son absolutely, wholly and forever without conditions," she told him gently.
Relief swept over her as his eyes fell shut and he swallowed hard. He let out a breath but with it came a sob. "Oh, Noah…" she felt his arms reaching for her as he cried, almost as if a dam had broken. Olivia felt her throat constricting and tears blurring her own vision.
He blurted out some words but she couldn't understand through his sobs that wracked his body as she held him. His body was hot, she let him cry, rubbing his back until he calmed down trying her best to help him get it out of his system.
"I didn't understand you, babe, you need to just take some big deep breaths, you're going to make yourself sick…in through your nose and out through your mouth," he tried but gave up when he choked another sob. "Try again," she coached him, "come on, I'll do it with you…" after a few attempts he began to successfully breathe more calmly and she was relieved, she was concerned he would begin to hyperventilate.
"K… try again… I'm listening…"
He felt like a little boy again as he cuddled his Mom for comfort as if it were the last time she might ever indulge his affection.
"I kissed Adam," he blurted out as he choked out another sob.
Olivia was not expecting to hear that but also, she immediately thought back to the way her son's eyes lingered over a picture of his friend, showing her what he looked like and the fleeting thought she had when he agreed that Adam was nice looking.
But then Kaci had come on the scene and she'd never thought of it again.
"Okay," she replied calmly, "what did he do or say?" She continued to rub his back while he continually composed himself to speak.
"He was shocked and then he got mad and .. I'm so stupid, I can't believe I did that, I had to get away from him so I ran out…"
Olivia held him tight for a moment thinking about how awful he must have felt, how rejected and embarrassed and fearful of how his friend might respond to him going forward.
"It's okay, Noah," she replied gently, "Adam probably was a little startled, I'm going to be honest with you…"
The question was on her lips but she didn't feel as though it was immediately important. "I know I'm the reason Elliot left you… I've been trying so hard to not ruin things for you and Dad too, but-"
"Wait, what?" Olivia was confused how he'd made the leap back to Elliot. "What does this have to do with Elliot? You aren't the reason Elliot left Noah," she told him bluntly.
"The first time I went to dancing and he picked me up, I pointed out a new boy in my class and I told Elliot that I thought he was cute and … he started talking to me about baseball and tee ball and the next time he picked me up I'd hurt my ankle but he changed with me after that…"
What the fuck…
Olivia turned to Noah, "honey, I need you to look at me and listen to me very, very carefully."
Noah let go of her, here it comes, he thought. He was frightened for what Olivia might say.
He dared to meet her eyes, "you were a tiny little boy, Noah Benson, you were this beautiful, vibrant, colourful, sweet little boy who loved to dance, who always brought joy to everyone around you and Elliot did not have the experience or the love in his life that you had from me from his own parents, that's not his fault but it was never his right to try to steal your shine and I am here to tell you that you had nothing to do with him leaving me, Noah, not a thing," she spoke slow and deliberate making sure that he took it all in.
"He didn't love me and he hated me because he knew who I really was… and I've tried so so hard to never let anyone see that part of me because I don't ever want to disappoint anyone the way that I disappointed him. What if da- what if Trevor doesn't want a son like me-"
"Noah, if you have chosen this man as your father and I believe you're old enough now to make that choice yourself, then you call him Dad and you say it proudly and I am here to tell you that he will not care. He is not Elliot."
Noah said nothing, his shoulders slumped. "Mom, I don't want to be this way… I'm sorry."
"Oh…" she shook her head and reached for his face and lifted his chin, "Noah Benson, look at me," he dared to glance up at his mother. Tears filled her eyes too. "Sweetheart, you may not have been born from my body, but I love you with every thread of DNA that takes up space in my body, there is no limit, no condition, no quota of love that I have for you. I don't care if you are gay, straight, bisexual, asexual — I don't care. I don't want you to be scared or sorry and I feel sad that you were so terrified to tell me this… You have absolutely zero reason to feel shame about what you feel in your heart and I am so, so so very sorry that Elliot tried to quell your truth."
"You don't care if I'm gay?," he asked softly, "at all?"
"I care that you feel sad or less than, but me personally? Noah, I don't care. I only care that you're happy. If you get married to a guy or a girl or no one, I don't care — as long as you are happy that is the only thing that concerns me."
"I was struggling so hard when Trevor got me on to the team, I just wanted to end everything, Mom, and it wasn't because I didn't love you or I wanted to hurt you, I just felt … alone."
She slid her arms around her son and held him tightly. It hurt to hear it, it hurt more to know that she had missed so much with her son.
"I hate that for you, Noah," she murmured, "I am so sorry that I didn't pick up on it and that I threw myself in to my work after Elliot rather than throwing myself in to being a better Mom, I'll always be eaten up with guilt over that."
"Its not your fault… Elliot hurt you too, I know that…" he murmured. He wiped his eyes, "do you really think Trevor will really not care?"
"I don't think he will. Do you think you feel brave enough to ask him to come in here and we can talk to him too? He's really worried about you."
"He's going to find out anyway," Noah replied glumly, "Adam is going to tell everyone for sure. I needed to tell Kaci before he did…"
"Oh, you told Kaci how you felt? Or did you tell her about what happened with Adam?" Olivia was surprised. She wondered how the sweet young girl might feel about it.
He nodded, "I told her about what happened with Adam… I was so upset, I thought she might hate me too, but… she was so kind to me. She said that she wasn't ready to be my girlfriend anyway and kissing me was more out of what she thinks shes supposed to do over what she wants to be doing… we agreed that its okay to just be best friends. She's… the nicest person."
"She's a sweetheart and a very good friend, Noah, but I think you get what you put out and you are also a very nice person so you attract good people…"
"Thanks Mom…"
"I think we'll get Dad in here, okay?"
"K…"
"Babe, if he has any issue with who you are in your heart then he has an issue with me, but that's not going to be the case."
"I hope not…" Noah murmured, his eyes filming up again. Olivia kissed his temple and got up.
/
Trevor looked up to see Olivia coming out of Noah's room. He wondered if she was talking to him or if maybe she just wanted to lay with him and comfort him as she had the night before.
"Baby," she interrupted his conversation with his father, "sorry— when you can, do you think you can come to Noah's room?"
He jumped to his feet, "I'll be back in a few minutes, Dad," he knew it would probably be longer as he caught the sight of her wearied discontent. They moved in to the hall when she turned to him. "Honey, I need you to be as compassionate as you can, he's so fragile right now."
"Why? What happened?"
"Noah has some news he wants to tell you and he's scared that you might react a little in Elliot style…"
Trevor frowned, "I can guarantee I won't," he replied simply. He made his way down the hall to Noah's room and let himself in with Olivia following behind him.
"Hey Sunshine…"
"Hi," Noah replied.
"Can I sit? Mom says you have something you wanna tell me."
"You can sit," Noah replied. "I don't want to tell you but you're gonna find out anyway when people start talking so I guess its better coming from me." Trevor's stomach lurched, he knew the chances were slim to none but for some stupid reason, his brain kept leaping to his son impregnating Kaci or something crazy.
He tried to erase it from his mind; he figured if his thought had been even partially accurate, Olivia wouldn't have been as calm as she was. "It makes me sad that you're scared to tell me something because you think I'll react a certain way…" he admitted to Noah. "You and I have always been able to talk about stuff and that's initially what made my heart open up again, kiddo… I don't think you could tell me anything that would make my feelings change."
Olivia sat down too. Noah glanced at Olivia, willing her to help. "I feel like my whole life is going to change and I don't want it to…" he murmured.
"It only has to change if you want it to," Liv replied. "But you're the same beautiful kid inside and out…"
Noah looked at Trevor, "Trev… what if I were…" he paused and Trevor didn't miss Noah using his name, it felt like a little punch to the gut. Noah struggled to say the words out loud.
"What if you are what, kiddo?"
"Its okay Noah, you can say it…" Olivia urged him, "its fine, I promise it's fine."
He covered his face, "would you still love me if I—" he took a deep breath, "if I were gay?"
Trevor glanced at Olivia very briefly; it was not what he was expecting to hear and he hadn't ever picked up on any signs that Noah was interested in anything but the girl that he always hung out with— that he had to witness him kissing on occasion.
"Yes, Noah," he replied slowly, "of course I would still love you if you were gay, I would still love you if you turned green and and you had arms for legs and legs for arms," he smiled, "is that what you've been so worried about? Whether your Mom and I are still going to love and accept you for who you fall in love with?"
Noah wiped his eyes and nodded. Trevor gave him a smile. "You know," he confessed, "you never ever have to worry about me not accepting you, I really want you to take that to heart and believe me when I say that. I have such an open heart for you and Lexi and I am very, very aware of how quickly we've all settled in to this family together… but I am so so happy and so proud to be Dad and I will protect you and your sister, your baby brother and your Mom with all of my heart and soul…"
Noah nodded slowly.
"I always call you my sunshine because you actually just brighten up my life every day and you bring me so much joy and I don't care who you fall in love with, I'm gonna be proud of you and I'm going to love you unconditionally no matter what."
Olivia was so touched by Trevor's words that she had been a little unprepared for. "Come here, give me a hug and don't ever call me Trevor again," he winked at the teen. Noah leaned in and wrapped his arms around Trevor tightly. He couldn't hold his tears back, wiping them too while smiling at Olivia. Reaching out to touch her hand. She squeezed it and mouthed thank you, over the top of her son's head.
"Its okay to cry, kiddo," Trevor told him, knowing that he was holding back his relief, "you've been holding on to this way too tightly all on your own and I bet you've been too scared to tell a soul… but its okay, you don't need to carry this on your own anymore."
Olivia had to get up and leave the room before she began to sob too. She couldn't take it — her partner's words and wisdom to comfort her son hit her hard. For how long had Noah been holding on to it? For how long had he known he'd felt this way toward the same sex?
She hated Elliot for trying to stamp out part of his identity and she felt guilty for not knowing about it - for being so absent that she overlooked things that she should have been more critical about.
She made her way to the kitchen, resting her hands on the counter, taking a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut tight, breathing through her anger and frustration … and guilt.
"Honey, are you okay?," a soft voice spoke from the living room. Olivia opened her eyes and looked up to find Georgie in a long robe with her pyjamas beneath it. She had been showering and readying herself for bed when Olivia had checked in on Noah earlier.
Olivia wiped her cheeks and nodded. "Yeah…" she let go of a big breath that she realised she was holding on to.
"Do you need a hug?"
"I think I'm okay," Liv managed to compose herself. Georgie didn't listen, circled the counter and came to Olivia's side.
"You don't look okay, you look like you're very upset. I'd be a terrible mother-in-law if I ignored that," she smiled, folding Trevor's partner in her arms. Olivia was thankful for her maternal instincts and reciprocated her embrace. "Is it Noah?"
"Yeah… he's okay. I'm okay… I just am having one of those shitty… Mom guilt moments…"
Georgie pulled away and smiled at Liv who was just a little taller than her. "You wouldn't be any type of Mom worth your salt if you didn't feel guilt for something ever so often."
They shared a laugh as Liv wiped her eyes again. "I needed to just come and collect myself for a second," Liv told her, "he's got a few things off his chest and as usual your son is being an absolute angel and made me way too emotional."
Georgie gave a laugh, "he's a good boy, Trevor, he's always been very emotionally intelligent."
"You did a wonderful job with him, I hope Noah grows up to be half the man that he is."
"I'm sure he will exceed all of your expectations, sweetheart."
"I hope so…" she answered, "I better go back and make sure everything is okay. Thanks Georgie, for being there for me and for being such a wonderful Grandmother to my children, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you've never batted an eye to Noah or even Lexi… you've just… opened your heart to them both."
"Of course, Liv, they mean the world to Trevor and so do you… before we even knew about you, he told us a lot about Noah and how he'd given him some hope in his hard times and that means a lot for all of us. Noah is an amazing little boy."
A smile crossed Olivia's lips and she let out a laugh and half sob, "Dammit, you're all just too wonderful…"
Georgie laughed, "Oh, honey, don't be so hard on yourself… you are a wonderful Mom and all the wonder that Noah is is because of your doing and what a wonderful role model you are."
"Thank you, I needed to hear that."
"Of course," Georgie repeated.
/
"I know you're really scared of Adam telling what happened to everyone at school, but I really don't think he's going to do that," Trevor told Noah gently. "He's very worried about you."
"No, he was angry," Noah replied.
"Adam has texted me twice today asking if I could get you to turn your phone on because he really wants you to read his text messages and that he was worried about you, so please give him a chance, kiddo…"
"I don't know, this is all too messed up."
"Maybe why don't you take the night to sleep on it," Trevor suggested, "and at school tomorrow-"
"No," Noah shook his head. "I'm not going to school, I can't…I'm not ready. I can't face them."
Trevor glanced at Olivia as she sat down. "Noah you can't stop going to school," Trevor replied, trying to reason with him, "I know this has been really upsetting but-"
"No," he insisted, "I'm not going to school tomorrow. I can't…" he began to cry all over again, "I can't, please, please just let me stay home."
Olivia was about to interject, knowing it wasn't right to go against Trevor's words in front of him, but she didn't want to upset her son further. She wanted to spend some time with him, figuring out the things that she had missed.
"Okay, okay," he held up his hands retreating, "I can't drag you to school by your hair, Noah, but you can't put this all off forever."
"I just need to… to know that its safe to go to school again."
"Okay, that's fair. Are you on board with that, Mom?" Trevor asked Olivia.
"Yeah… that's fine. You can stay home with me, Noah, we can both see that you're dealing with a lot right now and that the idea of going to school is really distressing so we'll work through that this week and we can talk more tomorrow."
"I'm really tired, I think I wanna go to sleep now…" Noah told them both.
"Do you feel any better now that you have some of that off your chest?" Trevor asked, "because we are here for you and we will always help carry whatever burdens your heart, Noah, that's what Moms and Dads are here for."
"I feel a little bit better," he replied honestly, "but I still feel really sad."
"Its okay to feel sad babe, you can feel sad… but you're not going to feel sad forever, I promise you," Olivia told him.
"Maybe I will be… I've felt sad inside my heart about this for years and it's made me so angry and frustrated and just… a shitty son," he blurted out.
Olivia ignored his swearing. She suddenly flashed back to the conversation she had with Noah right before she'd met Trevor where he described being deeply unhappy and cited himself to blame for Elliot leaving, assuming she'd been mad at him for years; accusing her of ignoring him or resenting him after Elliot left.
It all seemed to fall in to place.
"You're not a shitty son and I don't want you to ever say that again. You're perfect as you are, Noah," Trevor replied, "you don't need to be so hard on yourself. Maybe using your words with Adam might have been better than kissing him, but its fine, its done and we've all been there — we've all read the signs wrong before, right Mom?"
"Right…" Olivia agreed.
"You know, once when I was 16, I thought a girl was really in to me and I kissed her without warning and she slapped me so hard across the face that I am pretty sure my grandfather felt it."
Noah was able to snicker, sniffing.
Olivia smiled at her beautiful man. Trevor looked at her, waiting for her to add something. "And I wrote a guy a love letter when I was about the same age and he shared it with everyone and he put it on the notice board…"
"Oh no…" Noah groaned. "I guess I'm scared Adam will tell everyone or tell Katie and Katie doesn't really like me very much right now… she's trying to get back in the good graces with the cheer leading girls and they will eat me alive."
"I don't think Adam will do that," Olivia told him. "And if he does, he's not your friend and Dad and I will take care of it."
"Right," Trevor agreed.
"I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep…"
"So why don't you come out to the living room and we can watch a movie or something," Olivia suggested. "Dad's gotta go to bed soon, but I can stay up a little later with you."
"K… thanks Mom."
/
Before
"Ohhh you came instead of Mommy!" Noah exclaimed happily, seeing Elliot's face at the back of his dance class once they had been dismissed.
Elliot smiled at him. "I did, Mom had to work back a little later so it's just you and I, kiddo. Do you want to grab your things?"
Noah smiled and nodded excitedly. It was one of the first times that it was going to be just him and Elliot and he was excited for what that would be like. Noah ran to get his bag, saying goodbye to his classmates. He looked at Justin and grinned at him, "see you next week!"
"See you!" They hugged one another before Noah turned to hug his other friend, Lily. He turned back to Elliot who had a strange look on his face. "Okay! I'm ready," he told his Mom's boyfriend.
As they walked along the sidewalk, Noah slipped his hand in to Elliots, holding on to the strong man that he was excited to have around the house. It wasn't exactly new but it had taken Olivia some time to trust anyone with Noah after Sheila had attempted to kidnap him.
"I was thinking we could have some Wendy's for dinner as a treat, what do you think?" Elliot asked. The last thing he wanted to do was to cook. Noah smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I love Wendy's, thanks Elliot."
"Don't mention it…" he paused, "actually let's not tell Mom. Let's tell Mom we went to… a restaurant and we got salad and nuggets."
Noah giggled, "Okay, I won't tell."
"Good man," Elliot smiled at him as they neared the fast food restaurant. He ushered Noah inside and had him pick a table. Allowing him to mind it, he went and ordered their food. Noah was happy, he was starving and couldn't wait to eat his French fries and ketchup.
Elliot returned just a few moments later with a tray full of food.
"Here you are, eat up, kiddo… if you want something else after, you just let me know, okay?"
"Okay! Thanks!" He picked up a nugget and dipped it in to the smokey BBQ sauce and took a bite.
"Looked like you were having fun in your dance class," he remarked, "were those your friends?"
"Yeah, Justin and Lily…" he replied, moving on to the next nugget. "Lily goes to my school but Justin doesn't." Noah looked at Elliot and smiled, "he's really cute, I have a little crush on him."
He clocked the way Elliot's face changed, the open body language, the big smile — immediately it disappeared from his lips and his arms folded on the table in front of him. "Wait, Noah, you can't say that out loud…" he told him gently, "I'm sure you don't have a crush on him, I am sure you just really like him as your friend."
"No, but he's really cute."
Elliot looked immediately irritated. "Noah, if you say things like that people will make fun of you at school, you need to be very careful about who you say that to."
"Okay…" Noah's voice trailed off feeling chastised and in the wrong. "Don't tell Mommy I said it then."
"I won't… I think Lily is much cuter to be honest, maybe you should set your sights on her."
"Maybe," Noah replied, swallowing a lump in his throat. His eyes started to water.
"Noah, don't cry, it's alright, I won't say anything to Mom, but I really care about you and I don't want anyone to give you a hard time. You're not in trouble."
"Okay," Noah replied again stoically.
"Finish your dinner, kiddo, then we'll go home and we can watch some baseball on TV."
Noah didn't want to watch baseball. He wasn't interested in baseball. He liked to watch dancing videos on YouTube with Olivia, he liked to practice in front of the TV along with the videos too.
He felt embarrassed; his cheeks were red and he felt deflated as they walked home, Elliot was suddenly less talkative and less affectionate toward him. All he wanted was for his Mom to get home — she would hug him and everything would feel better again.
/
Present
"One more bit of the puzzle…" Olivia began after everyone had gone to bed and she was alone with her son, "did you really have feelings for Kaci or… is it strictly other boys? Or are you still figuring it out?"
Noah thought about it for a moment, "I think … just boys. I can look at a girl, like Kaci and think that she's really pretty — and sometimes I even enjoyed kissing her but… the feeling isn't the same as how I feel about Adam…"
"Do you think that you'll be able to just be friends with Adam?"
"Yeah… I don't want to lose his friendship, but he might not ever want to be around me again."
"Well, you'll never know if you don't look at your phone, kiddo…but in your own time," she told him, kissing his forehead. "I love you and I'm glad you finally opened up to me, babe, I'm always gonna be here for you."
"Me too, Mom," he sighed, "I love you too."
