THE FIRST TIME

CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX - ARH DER! (ARH, THERE!)

"Ahr der! Jeg siger ahr der!

(Ahr, there. I'm saying ahr, there!)

Fordi far her, kan ikke klare mer'!

(Because this guy here, just can't take no more!)

Jeg syn's jeg vader i pladder, jeg er ved at blive skør!

(It's like my life is full of BS and I'm losing my mind!)

Og jeg hader alle de padder, som skader mit humør! Ahr, der!

(And I hate all of those jerkoffs, who ruin my good mood! Ahr, there!)

MC EINAR (From the album "Ahr der!" (1989))


A/N: Haven't heard of this song? Honestly, it would surprise me a whole lot, if a single one of you readers have, but I needed a title with some lyrics relating to a young man, who's having a bad day and it was the first one that popped into my mind!


Have you ever had one of those days, where you should have stayed in bed? Jack could count a handful of them in his life, mostly ones where he'd done something to embarrass himself, but few of them had any far-reaching consequences. He wasn't suspecting of it happening again, when it all began during a conversation with Jen over a couple of burgers with fries at the Ice House, to celebrate that her weekend had finally arrived after what Jack could tell had felt like a very long work week to her.

"I've been looking forward to this all day!" Jen sighed, after just having swallowed a large bite of her Tex/Mex style burger (a new invention of Joey's dad's, that had apparently been a huge hit over the summer so far). He could tell that she needed a day or two off as well, just from the small rings under her eyes. "Even if there isn't anything in this world better than Grams' home cooking, a girl like me, who practically raised herself on street food, still needs solid dose of that, which isn't good for her, once in a while!"

"I hear that!" Jack responded, even if you couldn't say that the food being served at his house came close to the delicacies that Jen was being spoiled with on a daily basis.

"So, have you given some thought on whether you're coming with us to Cliff's send-off party?" Jen asked him, referring to what had already been described to him by more than one person, he knew from school as "The Rager of the Century"!

"Are you sure, it'll be okay with him? I mean, it isn't like I know him at all".

"Neither do I, but Chris said that I should invite whoever I wanted to, as long as there was one, and I quote: "Smoking hot chick with a nice rack and a butt that won't quit, who's young, single and ready to mingle" among them. He really can be a charmer, when he wants to, can't he?" Jen sarcastically asked, before shoving a small handful of fries into her mouth.

"It sounds like something, he would say, alright! When did you talk to Chris and who will the lucky, young lady be?" he inquired with a cheeky smile to match.

"A few days ago, while I was at work. His dad had their boat in for some repairs, so he came with him to pick it up. Not that it's any of my business, but it looked a lot like he was back in the doghouse with his parents" Jen noted and it made him bat an eye at her remark.

"Why do you care so much about what happens to Chris?"

"I don't!" Jen replied, very defensively.

"It doesn't sound that way! Am I detecting a crush here, that someone who's sitting next to me, doesn't want anyone else to know about?" he teasingly asked Jen, who looked like she was beginning to have had enough of this line of questioning.

"Get real! I could never have a crush on a near-Neanderthal like Chris, that's totally absurd!" she (all too obviously) denied his "allegations".

"In that case, let me ask you this and I want you to be honest with me. Which "Hot Girl" did invite to come along and why?" he asked Jen, who clearly didn't feel much like answering, even if she did after a few moments of considering the pros and cons of it.

"I invited Eve to come with us, okay?" she quietly answered, although she also didn't want to make eye contact with him.

"And, why?"

"Because she fits all of his criteria, but I know that she'll see right through his "trying to make himself out to be the coolest guy on earth" act, just like I did, when I first met Chris! Are you happy now?"

"And this has nothing at all do with any feelings, you may or may not have, I'm not making any snap judgments here, for a certain football playing jock, who shall remain nameless?"

"Perhaps" she conceded, after finally making eye contact with him again. "Tell me, how's your dating life going? Any better than mine?"

"The same, only I don't even have anyone to have a secret crush on and you have one on at least two guys, that I know of!"

"Actually, it's more like three, although the last one is purely a physical attraction. It's one of the lifeguards, who works down on the beach, if you must know! That hunk could save me, anytime he wanted to!" Jen romantically sighed, with a dreamy and faraway look to her face.

"Is that what you call it New York, huh?" he teasingly asked Jen, who threated to throw her remaining fries in his face as her response. "Have you tried hitting on him?"

"He looks like he's at least twenty-five, plus he's built like a Greek god! I sincerely doubt that a short and slightly stubby, not to mention extremely insecure about herself and her body, junior in high school is at the top of his shopping list!"

"You can't stay single forever and neither should you sell yourself short. I'm sure that there are a ton on nice and good-looking boys out there, that a very easy-going and undoubtedly charming girl like yourself would be entirely compatible with. You just have to make a bit of an effort, when it comes to getting out there and meeting them in the first place. Like you told me that Dawson did, when you broke it off with him and he ended up with Mary-Beth at the end of it".

"As if I have time for that, when I'm busting a certain part of my body for forty hours a week plus, so I won't have to take handouts from Grams or my parents, until I find a new job after I get fired from this one? Which, I don't know if you've noticed, isn't the easiest undertaking in world history, considering that most people in Capeside still look at someone with a New York accent, like they've just landed on a space shuttle from Mars!"

"It can't be impossible to" he tried reassuring his friend and ex-girlfriend.

"So far in my work life, I've completely lucked into the two jobs, that I've had and I have to think that my luck will run out sooner or later. To go back to what I was asking you, what's your verdict on coming to the party? I could really use having you there to scare drunk guys off, if they don't feel like taking no for an answer?" Jen asked him pleadingly and with the look that she gave him, it was impossible for a nice guy like himself to refuse her. If he had to be honest too, then going to at least one big party over the summer had been on his secret wish list for it, so in that regard, he didn't mind playing Jen's back-up for the evening either.

Later that day, as he was getting ready to leave and was just putting the final touches to his look for the evening (casual and dressed for the warm and humid weather, yet stylish in his own way), he was interrupted by his twin sister, who knocked on his door. After letting her into his room, he could see that she was looking upset.

"Jack, I don't know if you should go to that party tonight" she said softly, before sniveling a few times. He could tell too, that she had been crying.

"Why not? Has something happened, that I don't know about?" he asked, filled with a mix of concern and at the same time annoyance, for once again having to forget about doing what he wanted, for the sake of family unity.

"It's mom. She seemed perfectly fine, when I talked to her this morning. Then, when I spoke with her just now, at first, she wasn't making any sense and suddenly, she began rambling on about Tim and us having to go out and look for him. She's losing it, Jack. Maybe, dad doesn't want to see it, but it's the truth. Don't go anywhere tonight, please. I've never asked you for much, but this one time, can you stay here for my sake?" Andie asked of him, with tears beginning to flow from her eyes. Seeing her looking this way, there was no way that he could bring himself to refuse her.

"Of course, I will. You and mom will always come first to me, no matter what" he honestly answered his twin sister, who also received a comforting (and much needed, by the looks of it) long hug for good measure.


Pacey hadn't at first planned on going to the "Rager of the Century", for several reasons. The main one being that having grown up with a drunk for a father, he really didn't like to be around drunk people all that much. As for his own first drinking experience, it had extended to one can of beer with Dawson, that they'd found lying on the ground in front of a supermarket, no doubt to the huge disappointment of the customer, who'd bought a sixpack and come home to find out, that only five of them were left. However, this was also on one of the hottest days of the year, and seeing as the beer inside of the can was roughly the same temperature as it was in the air, it had been halfway to boiling temperature and tasted so incredibly yucky to the both of them, that after taking one sip each (which almost made both of them hurl), they'd poured the rest down a storm drain and tried their best to forget that it had ever happened. The second time had been only a week before this, when they were celebrating Jen's birthday down at the beach and he'd drunk around four or five beers, that this time were cold enough, that they could be called drinkable. While he was still undecided on the taste of it, he did enjoy the buzz that it gave him, although getting totally hammered, to where he had no control over himself and his actions, wasn't something he felt like trying for the foreseeable future, at least.

Another reason was that his days away from summer school were also a break away from the jocks, who made up around half of his classmates during those long hours, they spent wishing that they'd paid better attention the first time around, so they wouldn't have to waste part of their summers by being bored inside of hot and far too humid classrooms. Knowing that every teenage jock in town, who wasn't away at football camp or the like, would be at that party was just another reason, why using his evening off to stay at home and look after his pregnant older sister sounded like a more appealing alternative. But, after finding out the schedule that his mom and sister had planned between them, that they would watch on TV together, it became clear to him that an alternative plan was needed, and fast! He could go down to the Ice House of course, and wait for Joey to get off work, yet ever since he'd begun working there, it was like the entire vibe of the place had changed to him and whenever he stepped through its doors now, his natural reflex had become to begin working right away. It was just then, that Jen happened to call him on the phone and if he had to be honest, it didn't take a whole lot of convincing on her part, to persuade him to come with her.

One thing that he had to give Chris, was that he hadn't been exaggerating, when he'd called it the biggest party in Capeside for many years, something that they otherwise were masters at in their small town. How many times that he'd turned up for something that had been billed as "The Event of the Year" and gone home feeling disappointed afterwards, he couldn't count, but as far as gatherings of drunk teenagers, who were showing tendencies towards divulging in outright hedonism, this was by far the biggest that he'd ever attended.

Jen, who'd asked him to come there with her, was busy hitting on that guy, she knew from work and whose name, Pacey could never remember, and he himself was enjoying a quiet beer, when that Eve girl, who he'd only talked to a few times up until then, came over to him.

"Wanna dance, Pacey? I bet you have some spiffy dance moves, that you can't wait to show off to everyone!" she flirtingly asked him, before they toasted on their beers, and each took a sip.

"I'm not that drunk yet, sorry!" he dismissively answered her. Of course, this was just one part of the truth, with the main reason being that anything he did at this party was sure to reach his girlfriend's ears at some point and that if he was seen dancing with a girl, who was as stunningly pretty as Eve was, it would surely lead to questions on Joey's part being asked, that he didn't feel like having to answer.

"Can we go for a small walk, then? If I go back inside, that Chris guy is just going to start hitting on me again and if I hear one more terrible pick-up line coming from his mouth tonight, I might just have to glue it shut out of sheer principle!" Eve jokingly asked of him, and seeing as he could use a small break away from the crowd and loud music anyway, he decided to take her up on her offer.

"So, how are you liking Capeside so far?" he casually asked her, after they'd gotten far enough away from Cliff's parents' house, that they could enjoy a beer together in relative peace.

"It's pretty much the same as where I come from, only there are around a billion times more tourists here! Have you always lived here?"

"Ever since I was born. I'm not planning on staying here forever though, if I can avoid it. Are you thinking about staying?"

"I would, if there was a good reason for me to. Unfortunately, colleges is one thing that they're severely short on around here, not to mention jobs that I support myself with, while I study. I have actually been thinking about taking a year off from school, now that I've finished high school and to earn myself a nice little piggy bank, so I'll have something to fall back on, should things get tough. Right now, though, it looks like I'll be heading home in a few weeks, when my summer job ends. Anyway, I'm here to have fun tonight, not to worry over what might and might not happen" Eve told him with a small smile, before resting her hand on his leg, suspiciously close to something else, that was hiding underneath his Bermuda shorts.

"Eve, ehm ..." he tried telling her and grabbing her wandering hand, to lead it away from where it was heading.

"It'll just be a one-time thing, Pacey! No one ever has to know about it" she continued, while her hand did likewise, giving him little choice than to create a little distance between himself and this honestly very tempting girl, who was making no secret out of what she wanted to do with him.

"Eve, if I'd been single, I would have been thanking my lucky stars right now, that a girl who looks like you do, could in any way be interested in the likes of me! Usually, that's the kind of scenario that guys like me only read about in Penthouse! I can't do it to Joey though, not that I'd even want to think about cheating on her. She trusts me and if I betray that trust ..." he rambled on, to Eve's slight amusement, it seemed.

"You know, you're kind of cute, when you're rambling like this?" she sweetly told him, before giving him a small and sexy wink of her eyes.

"Thanks, I guess?" was all that he could think of answering, before Eve broke out in a soft giggle.

"Relax, Pacey! Man, you guys around here are just way too easy, aren't you?" she laughingly said and now, where he knew that she'd been kidding, it made him ease up a little too.

"So, you weren't hitting on me just now?" he had to ask, just to be entirely sure.

"I won't claim to be a saint, because with my somewhat shady history, when it comes to boys, I would be an enormous hypocrite, if I did. One rule that I set for myself early on and I've always stuck to though, is to stay away from guys, who are clearly in love with someone else. Especially, when there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I just had to see how far I could take it, before you stopped me".

"It was all a test, then?" he cautiously asked Eve, as they began walking back towards the party house.

"Call it what you want. All I know is that your girlfriend should consider herself a very lucky girl, because it's far from all boys your age, who can say no to a girl like me, when she's practically throwing herself at them!" she cryptically answered, putting an end to this little (and very memorable, in Pacey's eyes) interlude in between watching jocks chugging beer bongs and drunken cheerleaders falling over their own feet, while they were trying to show off the fanciest dance moves, they'd seen on MTV.


Jack's evening, that was supposed to be spent partying until the sun came up, instead turned into one filled with worry, frustration and more than anything else, fear for what his family's future would look like. He'd seen his mother have some severe "episodes" before, it wasn't that and the perhaps overly positive side of himself had thought, that he'd seen the worst, when it came to how a mental illness can affect an otherwise normal person. This evening had been something else though, far worse than anything he'd seen or experienced before and his usually calm and loving mother had turned into someone, he could barely recognize anymore. It had even gotten so bad, that himself and his dad had to keep his mom restrained, while they waited for the ambulance from the psychiatric hospital to arrive. All the while, Andie had looked like was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown, which didn't help in any way with his stress levels, that must have been completely off the charts, during the worst part of those hours.

"Are you doing, okay?" he softly asked Andie, who was lying on her bed with her back turned to him and whom, he could already tell was still nowhere close to it.

"Not really" she answered him, before turning her head to look him in the eyes. From the looks of her, she was a total mess and all things considered, it was only understandable.

"Me neither" he confessed to her, as he sat down on the bed beside her. "I've had it in the back of my mind, that something like this could happen, I just wasn't ready for it, you know?"

"I don't think there is a way to prepare yourself for something like this, if you want the truth" Andie dryly answered him.

"You're probably right. It's almost like we'll be waking up to a new world tomorrow, with dad as our only parent here. I don't know about you, but I can't say that I'm looking forward to it".

"We'll just have to get by the best we can, until mom comes home again, whenever that'll be. Do you think that she'll ever become the same again, as she was before Tim died?" Andie sadly asked him and like the close to perfect twin brother, that he was, Jack allowed her to rest her head in his lap, while he gently stroked her hair.

"I have to keep up hope, that she will, or I'd lose what's left of my mind completely" he cautiously answered, not wanting to be the reason why Andie cried yet another river over everything, that had been so unfairly taken from her over the past two years.

"I know what you mean. Jack, I think that we need to talk to dad about me seeing a psychiatrist again. Not that it has to be a permanent solution, I just feel like I need it right now".

"We'll talk to dad about it, first thing in the morning. You won't have to go through any of this alone, Andie. You have my word" he told the lovable, yet all-too fragile girl, who was soaking him in for all that he was worth and needed him more now, than she'd perhaps done.

He wasn't lying either, and until he was sure that the girl, whom he saw as "His Other Half" was in a safe space emotionally, where she could get by more or less without him, everything else would have to be put on hold. Even going to parties, no matter how big they are.


After an evening mostly spent wondering to himself, why he'd decided to turn up for an event, that he already knew going in probably wouldn't be his kind of thing, Pacey had left it before there was a good chance that the cops (as in his brother and dad) would be turning up to shut the festivities down and sending every underage drinker there (which was likely to be all of them) running for the hills and home to their parents.

When he reached his mom's house, it was mostly dark inside, save for a faint light that was on in the living room. Coming in there, he saw his sister lying on the couch and watching a re-run of an episode of "My So-Called Life" on his mother's old TV, with the remote control that only worked, if you clicked it within roughly a foot's distance of the TV's sensor.

"How was the party?" Gretchen lazily asked him, only just lifting her head enough from her pillow, that they could make eye-contact.

"What I'd expected, more or less. It really is incredible how much people's IQ's drop, after they've doused their brains in plenty of alcohol, isn't it?" he theoretically asked his sister, who had to smile to herself at his remark.

"If you think that what you've seen so far in your life is bad, little brother, just wait until you get to be my age! Did you have Joey there with you, to keep your spirits up, at least?"

"Nah, she had to work tonight. I could have used her there though, to chase off this admittedly very hot blonde girl, who tried to hit on me" he confessed to his sister.

"You said no to her, right?"

"Of course, I did! Joey isn't just a girl to me, she's one of a kind. If she dumped me, where would I find another one like her, is what I'm asking myself?"

"Pacey, if tell you something, do you promise not to take it the wrong way?" Gretchen asked, before muting the TV, so they could talk with no background noise as distraction.

"I can only promise to try, but you know me. With everything that I've had to hear said about myself by either dad or Doug, I sincerely doubt that anything you could say, could make me upset".

"Let me start off by saying, that I've always liked Joey and that right now, she's exactly the sort of girl, you need in your life to support you and for you, to have to love and cherish. All of that is purely good stuff, but she hasn't even turned sixteen yet. She's still finding out who she is and just as importantly, finding out who she's going to be, when she becomes older" Gretchen began, giving him a quick feel for where she was going with this. "What I'm trying to say is that until she has found out those things, you betting your entire future on her is far too premature and I think that deep down, you know it too, or you wouldn't be sweating bullets over what could happen, if she decides to move on from you".

Part of him wanted to fire a quick comeback off, that would put the issue to rest, the only problem was that he couldn't come up with one.

"Since when did you become so smart on these things, "Miss Didn't Have Any Relationship, That Made it Past the Six Week Mark", back when she was a high schooler?" was the closest thing to a retort, that he could come up with.

"Since the boy, who I loved as much, as you love Joey, broke my heart and left me on my own to deal with being pregnant with his child" Gretchen told him honestly and as if he wasn't already filled with sympathy for her on a daily basis, hearing it said this way almost sent his levels off the charts.

"It's far from all of us guys, who are like your ex-boyfriend, Gretchen. Most of us wouldn't dream of doing something like that, you are hopefully aware?"

"I know that you wouldn't and of course, Doug couldn't do it, since it would involve him actually talking up a girl, for once in his life! As for most of the rest of your gender, the jury's still out, as I see it. Look, I'm not saying that you should break up with Joey, not at all, just that you might want to slow down a little, when it comes to making big plans for the both of you, that lie too far into a future, that'll still be up in the balance for you guys, for a long time to come. If you're still in love and have sat down to make a sensible and well thought out decision on your future together, by the time that you're seniors and close to graduating, that's something else entirely, but doing it now, when you still have two whole years of high school left ..."

"I get what you're saying. Where does the line go, though? It isn't like there's a manual out there for guys in my situation!"

"Say that there's a concert, a month from now and you want to ask Joey to come with you, because you think that she'll enjoy it, that's perfectly fine. Making plans for next year's summer vacation for you guys though, that's overstepping a line into planning too far ahead. Anyway, what's wrong with just being in love and enjoying every moment that you have together, for what it is?"

"And, what's that?"

"Some of the best times, you'll ever get to experience in your life, Pacey. Just don't live too much in the moment, unless you want yourself and Joey to end up in something akin to same situation that I'm in, alright?" Gretchen asked of him and after a short smile shared between them, they didn't discuss his and Joey's relationship anymore that evening.

Instead, Pacey simply sat there in silence and thought about her, while he watched Clare Danes and Jared Leto dealing with their own pains of growing up, on that old TV that anyone with enough funds to, would have retired a long time ago.

END OF CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX